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Executive Briefings: Intersection of Leadership and Social Media

By Thomas White for Huffington Post

In my work, I meet business leaders from all over the world who have advice, stories and personal tips to provide. I sit down with these leaders to give them the opportunity to provide current business advice and give a glimpse to their personal stories as a business leader.

I recently sat down with Rob Harles, Head of Social Business & Collaboration at Accenture Interactive. Rob joined Accenture from Bloomberg LP in New York where he was Global Head of Social Media responsible for developing and managing Bloomberg’s social media strategy and initiatives worldwide.

As a leader in social media for a long time, both at Bloomberg and now Accenture, what changes do you see in what expectations customers have of companies?

Customers have higher expectations than they’ve ever had. Social has acted as a catalyst for people to express their views, support, lack of support for brands, and what they expect brands to do, to live up to their promise. Only ten to fifteen years ago you wouldn’t have been able to do that. Brands were lucky enough to be able to tell you what they stood for and hope you believed it. Now you have to prove it, and social is acting as that catalyst.

We call it the ultra-transparency situation, and it affects how companies engage with customers. How would you describe this phenomena?

The phenomenon with social is really about people wanting to feel that they matter, and they want to be able to express that. It’s been around since the dawn of time, when we were just a nation of shopkeepers. As we grew and had to come to terms with the challenges of scaling businesses, we got more and more distant from our customers. The result was that we had to do standalone market research at a set point in time just to see where people’s needs or demands were going or how they felt about us. Now that’s changed. It’s 24/7. They’re telling you exactly what they need. They’re telling you exactly how they feel. Sometimes they’re telling you the extremes of that because there is less of a filter.

What do you see in the next five years? How is social media going to change as a medium, and how is it going to change the way we do business?

The advantage of real-time information is that we are addressing people’s issues faster. We are being more responsive. Organizations and brands are using the insights that come out of social to improve themselves, and that’s a good thing. But with that always comes challenges. This is where organizations go off the rails. At Accenture Digital, what we’re seeing is that companies are almost too ready to take data and do something with it and not really think about the implications. Also, it comes with the challenge of where do you draw the demarcation line in terms of privacy? How do you think about protecting the rights of your employees or the rights of your customers? There isn’t a day that goes by when there isn’t a headline about something like this. It’s creating great opportunities on the one hand, but it’s also creating a lot of challenges in terms of sensitivity and the law. Eventually we find our path. Eventually we figure out the right way to do something and sometimes we only do that by making mistakes. Sometimes the consequences of those mistakes are actually quite precious, but it still makes us better.

Let’s shift gears. As a leader, what are the traits that you most admire in other leaders?

Everybody is different. That’s the thing that I’ve recognized, and good leaders recognize that. We’re a little bit more open than we’ve ever been and don’t self-edit as much. Great leaders are ones who have a vision and are willing to be tenacious enough to drive that forward. An example would be if you say you want to have an innovative culture. It’s another thing to actually create an innovate culture. Great leaders are ones who are a little more flexible than they’ve ever been, but have great vision and can really motivate people to bring more than what they’re just asked to do. It’s like a puppy dog scenario. I love it when people come to me and they have an idea, it might not be a perfect idea, but it’s a start. They’re thinking. The worst situation is where you stifle that.

Along your way to becoming the leader that you are today, who has inspired you, and what about them inspired you?

I have to pay homage to some of the great thinkers and entrepreneurs that we’ve had in just the last few decades. Whether it’s Bill Gates, or Steve Jobs, or Steve Wozniak and many more. In so many ways they represent the unique American spirit of trying to do something that no one has done before. It’s high risk. I admire the people who are the unsung heroes who have tried something and it hasn’t worked. Most entrepreneurs, if they’re really honest, will tell you, “So much of our success is built not just on hard work or creativity.” But their little secret is luck and being able to see it and take advantage of it and run with it. Not everyone has that luck, but they have all the other things. Sometimes those unsung heroes drive us forward through the missed opportunities and the failures just as much as those who we venerate. I like to see people, generally, who try things and are okay with failing and picking themselves up, learning from it, and moving to the next thing.

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Accounting Growth Human Resources Investing Management News and Politics Personal Development Technology

Is This the Beginning of the End for Wayfair?

It’s been a big week for retail…

Wayfair, the online home goods retailer, announced today it was laying off close to 900 employees. This comes after the company announced a hiring freeze back in May.

The layoffs represent about 5% of the company’s global workforce and 10% of its corporate team. 400 jobs are being cut in Boston alone at the company’s HQ).

This announcement came as an alarm to investors, causing the stock to plummet…

Wayfair’s Stock is Crashing…

For the first two years of the COVID-19 pandemic, the company was profitable. According to The Wall Street Journal, Wayfair’s stock fell by over 17% Friday morning.

Wayfair has been struggling to keep customers after a spike at the start of the pandemic. Earlier in August, Wayfair said it lost 24% of active customers since last summer.

Recent regulatory filings revealed that the job cuts will help Wayfair “manage operating expenses and realign investment priorities.”

CEO Niraj Shah wrote in an letter to employees that the layoffs were a “difficult decision” resulting from Covid-19.

“We were seeing the tailwinds of the pandemic accelerate the adoption of e-commerce shopping, and I personally pushed hard to hire a strong team to support that growth,” Shah wrote. “This year, that growth has not materialized as we had anticipated. Our team is too large for the environment we are now in, and unfortunately we need to adjust.”

 

Is This the Beginning of the End for Wayfair?

Wayfair had flourished at the beginning of the pandemic, when demand for inexpensive furniture and other home decor upgrades that it broke global supply chains and caused lengthy shipment delays.

But fast forward to the present economy, inflation has killed discretionary spending for  middle-income shoppers, who have pulled back their purchases to focus on paying for necessities like groceries, gas and rent. Wealthier customers have shifted their spending from furniture and other goods to travel and services. Mortgage rates have climbed significantly, cutting into demand for new homes as well (a key demographic for the company).

Overall, Wayfair posted a net loss of $378 million during the quarter. Wayfair’s shares have lost about 70% of their value since the start of the year. The layoffs will cost Wayfair between $30 million to $40 million for employee severance and benefits.

 

WATCH:

For more information visit tylerhayzlett.com

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Body Language Human Resources Management Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

“Never Again Be Vulnerable To Hidden Body Language Aggression“ – Negotiation Insight

“Reading body language accurately has many advantages. Detecting hidden aggression is one of them.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert.

 

“Never Again Be Vulnerable To Hidden Body Language Aggression“

 

One member of a negotiation team said to the other, that meeting became ruckus quickly. At first, I couldn’t tell if the other side’s leader was being passive-aggressive, or if he perceived our proposals to be inappropriate or repulsive. But then, I knew he was upset by the body language gestures he emitted. They pointed towards outright aggression. That’s when I knew things were about to get ugly. What body language signs did you observe that indicated he was about to become aggressive, was the question asked by the man’s associate.

When someone’s about to become aggressive, do you know what signs to note? It’s essential to be able to understand the nonverbal and body language signals that indicate imminent hostilities. Doing so will allow you the time to deflect or redirect such efforts. Continue, and you’ll discover five body language signals that foretell pending aggression.

Blustering:

“I’m going to put my foot so far up your rear that it’ll come out of your mouth.” “Yeah! And what do you think I’ll be doing while you’re trying to put your foot up my rear?” Blustering occurs in many forms. When it’s verbal, it’s easy to see and understand. Because words are used to convey one’s sentiments, which decreases the misperception of one’s intent. But blustering also occurs through one’s body language. A person portrays it by puffing out their chest, extending the outreach of their arms on both sides, and even in the stance that slightly projects one foot slightly ahead of the other. In each instance, that person is positioning himself for the pending aggression that’s he’s considering. And, depending on how heated the environment, he may not be consciously aware of the behaviors he’s committing. And that’s why you should take note. By doing so, you’ll have the opportunity to temper his behavior before it reaches the point of uncontrollability.

Eyes:

Darting – When someone is agitated, and they begin quickly scanning the environment with their eyes, they’re in assessment mode. This gesture alone does not indicate pending aggression on this person’s behalf. But coupled with other signs such as flaring nostrils, protruding chin, and fist/hand flexing, darting eyes lends more credence to the probability that pending aggression is increasingly heightening.

Narrowing – When someone’s eye focus becomes narrow, they’re lending more emphasis on the subject of their attention. That means they’re blocking out other distractions to assess what they might do next to thwart the unpleasantness they’re experiencing. When you see someone narrowing their eyes on you, raise your awareness of their pending intent. They may be in the process of becoming aggressive.

Pupil Dilation – Pupil dilation is another silent display that someone exhibits when they get excited. Dilation can occur from the natural excitement one experiences from being in a pleasant environment too. But you can instinctively tell by someone’s demeanor if they’re happy or agitated. That’s also the insight to seek to determine if they’re becoming annoyed by an adverse action they perceive stemming from you.

 

Flaring Nostrils:

Nostril flaring is one of the most telling signs indicating pending aggression. A person flares their nostrils as a way to get more oxygen into their bloodstream. And in adverse situations, that can be the preparation leading to aggression. The more the person engages in that act, the more they’re preparing to become aggressive.

 

Chin/Jaw:

An outward thrust chin is a silent signal stating that the owner of the action is displaying his desire to take a portion of your space. Conversely, when people tuck their chin, they’re demonstrating the need to protect themselves. Thus, you should perceive the outward thrust of someone’s jaw as saying, I’m not afraid of you. If they take a step(s) towards you while displaying that gesture, they’re becoming more defiant and more aggressive. You can stand your ground or back up. If you hold your position, you’ll be stating with your action that you’re not afraid of them either  – now what? In either case, be aware of where tension resides and adopt the measure that’s best suited to combat it.

 

Hand/Fist:

Flexing – If you observe someone flexing their hand in a negative environment, it may be an indication that they’re attempting to loosen up to get more blood flowing to that part of their body.

Tightening – When someone becomes excessively exasperated, they stiffen their hands, which can turn into fists. Thus, while observing the beginning of someone’s hands flexing, note the moment when their hands turn into fists. A heightening in potential aggression has occurred at that moment. And the person may be a moment or so from lashing out at you.

 

Reflection:

Like a snake, you can observe the lynchpin behavior of someone that’s in the process of striking out at you. In the snake’s case, it emits signals through its rattle, warning you of pending danger. Then, if you don’t vacate the surroundings, he strikes you. The same is true of a human. Initially, he gives warning through his body language to get you to back off. And, if you’re persistent at making him feel uneasy, he’ll strike at you.

To avoid harm’s way, note the mentioned signs that lead to aggression. As soon as you sense a verbal or physical attack is imminent, become more observant about the pace of its escalation. And remove yourself from the environment if possible. If that’s not possible, adopt a posture that’s more or less threatening than what’s confronting you. And be aware of the effect this has on your nemesis. In some cases, it will cause him to increase his efforts. In other situations, it may be the form of de-escalation needed to subdue an explosive situation that’s in the making. Know the difference to determine the best action to adopt. Because the optimum word is control – and everything will be right with the world.

 

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

 

Listen to Greg’s podcast at https://anchor.fm/themasternegotiator

 

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

 

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

 

 

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Best Practices Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Top 10 Passive Aggressive Office Coworkers That Will Make You Laugh

You don’t always get to choose who you work with but you’ve got to work with them for the most of the day.

Here’s the 10 passive aggressive office notes going around the internet.

 

#1 Graphics Designers Are Always Smartasses!

 

#2 An Email Went Out Around the Office About A Lost Pen. This Appeared In The Break Room The Next Day…

 

#3 I Wonder Why?

 

#4 A Touching Gesture From His Company After 9 Years Of Employment Came To An End

#5 Well Karen, That Escalated Rather Quickly

 

#6 This Happened 3 Times in 2 Weeks

 

#7 Never Drink Someone’s Energy Drink

 

#9 This Person Deserves a Raise

 

#10 Rest in Peace Kevin

 

 

 

 

For more information visit tylerhayzlett.com

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Best Practices Biography and History Body Language Culture Health and Wellness Human Resources Management

“You Become What You Think About” – The Strangest Secret Ever Told by Earl Nightingale

“We become what we think about most of the time, and that’s the strangest secret.”

– Earl Nightingale

The secret of success starts with mindset, at least according to Earl Nightengale anyway. If anyone knows a thing or two about the mindset, it would be him. He spent his entire life trying to answer one single question.

Here is what he discovered in the process…

 

How a Man Spent a Lifetime Searching the Answer to One Question…

“How can a person, starting from scratch, who has no particular advantage in the world, reach the goals that he feels are important to him, and by so doing, make a major contribution to others?”

His desire to find an answer and willingness to share his knowledge with others, enabled him to become one of the world’s foremost experts on success and what makes people successful.

 

How Nightingale Became the Godfather of Self Development

The owner of an insurance company, Earl spent many hours motivating his sales force to greater accomplishments. When he decided to go on vacation for an extended period of time, his sales manager begged him to put his inspirational words on record.

The result later became the recording entitled The Strangest Secret, the first spoken word message to win a Gold Record by selling over a million copies. In The Strangest Secret, Earl had found an answer to the question that had inspired him as a youth and, in turn, found a way to leave a lasting legacy for others.

Here’s the original audio of Earl Nightingale’s best kept secret that has helped millions overcome life’s biggest challenges.

WATCH:

For more information visit tylerhayzlett.com

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Industries Management News and Politics Personal Development Technology

Amazon Prepares to Launch Delivery Drones. Again…

13 years after Jeff Bezos promised the world drone delivery, it appears they might be making good on that promise soon. The company is planning to roll out its first city this year.

Which feels like something out of a sci fi movie. While it still seems logistically impossible for drones delivery to actually work, I wouldn’t bet against Bezos’ ability to pull it off…

If you haven’t heard of their drone delivery network yet, it’s called Prime Air.

So what the hell is Prime Air exactly?

 

What is Prime Air Anyway?

Prime Air, is a drone delivery service currently in development by Amazon that will deploy delivery drones to autonomously fly individual packages to customers within 30 minutes of ordering.

In order to qualify for 30-minute delivery, your order must be less than 5 lbs. The products also have to be small enough to fit in the cargo box that the aircraft will carry… and have an Amazon delivery location within a 10-mile radius of a participating Amazon fulfillment center.

 

Is This Actually Happening?

In late 2020 Amazon, along with ZiplineWingcopter and 7 others were selected by FAA to participate in a type certification program for delivery drones. Operations are expected to begin in the town of Lockeford, California later in 2022.

After years of testing and delays, the company is finally set to launch. At least for products 5 pounds or less…

Watch this video to learn more.

 

WATCH:

 

How will Prime Air Actually Work Though?

When a customer places an order eligible for Prime Air, they’ll receive an estimated arrival time and status tracker for their package.

The drone uses a sense-and-avoid system to safely fly packages while also dodging obstacles such as other objects and aircraft.

“As our drone descends to deliver the package into a customer’s backyard, the drone ensures that there’s a small area around the delivery location that’s clear of any people, animals, or other obstacles,” said an Amazon representative.

Once it gets low enough, the drone will release the package and just fly off.

Is Anyone Else Doing Drone Delivery?

Walmart said their drone network could reach up to 4 million households in six states: Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Texas, Utah and Virginia. Items including Tylenol, diapers and hot dog buns could be delivered in as little as 30 minutes…

Similarly, drone company Wing, owned by Google parent company Alphabet, announced in April plans to launch a commercial drone delivery service in Dallas. Walgreens is among the retailers partnering with Wing to offer items delivered by drone.

For more information visit tylerhayzlett.com

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Best Practices Culture Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management News and Politics

Active Shooter – Are You Prepared?

 

By Brian Searcy
Active Shooter – Are You Prepared?

May 28, 2022

I am sure that most if not all of you are aware of what happened in Uvalde TX on Tuesday.  19 Young Students and 2 Teachers Killed in a horrific School Shooting at Robb Elementary School. Our prayers go out to the entire Uvalde Community.

We are starting to get a report that the door that the shooter entered through was unlocked.  That is consistent with what I saw from the video of him entering the school.  With most of our clients, prior to participating in our Situational Awareness Programs, it was not an unusual occurrence for doors to be unlocked, to be propped open, for people to be able to “hitch hike” into the building.

And this didn’t just apply to businesses, schools and churches.  It applies to you in your home as well.  The number of examples we have of people being victims because they do not lock their home, turn outside lights on, leave their cars unlocked are way too many to count.

What we do know.  After going through our program, Situational Awareness Habits, Behaviors, and Mindset were learned and developed through the continuous practice of their process.  They now keep the doors closed and locked and have a continuous awareness of what is going on around them.

An active shooting event like this, unfortunately today, can happen anywhere, not just at schools.

Details are still coming in.  Could this event have been prevented if there had been different training, if the people in the school and community had learned and developed Situational Awareness?  As mentioned above about the unlocked door, perhaps it could have been prevented, or a locked door could have added some additional “time and space” to all the emergency responders to arrive.

But we may never know.  What we do know is that you, your family, your schools & churches, your businesses & your communities are more safe when this skill is part of your safety, security, mental health and leadership learning programs.

 

You are able to identify the changes in behavior, the indicators of potential problems, AND be empowered to do something about it.

Many people today do notice behaviors, even indicators, but then they do not ACT on it.

Remember, the World is Not a Safe Place today.

HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY!

Have you thought about what you would do in this type of situation?  Do you know what you are capable of doing?  Are you looking for the indicators so that you can potentially stop these types of events from happening?

If you have not developed your Situational Awareness Habits, Behaviors and Mindset and to not practice a process, give the Paratus Group a call.

Remember, WE are the First Responders.

Contact us to get the training you need.

Brian Searcy, Col (Ret) USAF

President – Paratus Group

Brian@Paratus.Group

940.231.3195

 

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Best Practices Growth Human Resources Leadership Personal Development

How Can I Spend My Time Wisely on LinkedIn?

 

How Can I Spend My Time Wisely on LinkedIn?

In networking sessions and master classes I’m often asked by people what they should be doing on LinkedIn when they’re on the platform. Here are my recommendations.

Be strategic

You probably have heard that you should be active on LinkedIn, so you’ve logged on. Good for you. But what can you do there that will achieve results?

Let’s begin with the end in mind. Let’s say that the results you want are:

PURPOSE 1: To nurture key business relationships and establish new ones,

PURPOSE 2: To be top of mind when someone is in need of someone just like you,

PURPOSE 3: To cultivate your reputation as an expert in a specific area,

or all of the above.

It is important to be strategic with your interactions and frugal with your time. So, set a timer for 15 minutes and begin.

Check your messages icon daily

If you have received new messages, the number of messages you’ve received will be superimposed over the messaging icon. Many people are using LinkedIn as a principal way to communicate – instead of email. And they expect you to respond. (To fail to do so would violate Purpose #1 above.) If you absolutely have time for only one thing on LinkedIn, checking your messages should be it.

Are you getting an unwanted sales pitch from a vendor? If you have no interest in that, use the auto response LinkedIn provides to indicate that that you’re not interested and move on quickly. Don’t waste time on these; they are probably automatic messages anyway.

If you have received a message from a client or colleague, respond as thoroughly as you would if the message came to you via email. Remember that every message you send reflects on you and your personal brand. (This also relates to Purpose #1 above.)

Check your notifications icon

Here you’ll find posts made by people that LinkedIn has selected for you to hear from, based on LinkedIn’s proprietary AI algorithm. In addition, you’re likely to see some notifications about birthdays and work anniversaries. Here’s how to respond.

Posts: Look at the posts LinkedIn has chosen to notify you about. If someone who is important to you has posted something, take time to read their post and respond with a Like AND a comment. (A Like by itself shows little engagement and gets you little notice.) Make sure your response adds value to the person who posted, to others reading your comment, and to yourself. (Relates to Purposes 1, 2 & 3.) If you think about it, you will understand that adding value excludes the throw-away comments (e.g., Congrats!, Great article., You go, girl., etc.) Instead, seek to add a comment that will cause someone else to want to read the post/article by spotlighting something specific. Validate it with an example. Amplify it with an additional case. Give the author something meaty to reply to so that a dialog can begin. Does this take more time than “Great article?” Yes, it does, but by pausing to formulate a meaningful response you are addressing all three Purposes, so this is a win.

Birthdays and work anniversaries: When you see a notification of a birthday or a work anniversary, consider it as an opportunity to say hello to those who are important to you and the opportunity to renew an acquaintanceship that has gone stale – the proverbial foot in the door. (Relates to Purposes 1 and 2.)

Do not waste time if you don’t really know the person – we don’t know a lot of our connections. But IF you decide you’d like to wish them a happy birthday, don’t just click the button. Think of Purpose #1. To nurture a relationship, you need to go beyond the robo message. Navigate to their profile, select send a message, and craft a sincerely communicated thought. I add a photo of something festive. Consider how you can send a greeting that will be memorable and consistent with your brand.

What about work anniversaries? Strangest notification ever, right? Let the lion’s share of these messages pass right on by, but if you’re wanting to re-engage with that person, this is an opportunity for you. Your personalized message might be something like: “George, I see you are still at XYZ company. Congratulations. I so enjoyed working with you on the ABC project back in the day.” And then continue with information about what you are currently doing or an opportunity to catch up over coffee or Zoom.

Look at your homepage feed

The timer you set should still be ticking, so that you don’t disappear down a rabbit hole. Scroll quickly to see if there is anything – or anyone (remember Purpose 1) – that deserves your attention. Every response reflects your brand and should add value to the conversation.

Check your network icon – at least once a week

Under this icon you will find connection requests (Purpose 1), opportunities to follow company pages and newsletters, and events. Just because you are asked to connect, follow, or attend, doesn’t mean that you are obliged to do so. These are opportunities; you are the one who gets to decide. Your time is precious.

Write some rules for yourself about the kinds of people you will admit to your network and those you won’t. Ignore the people who clearly fall outside your rules. If you’re not sure, check out their profile to see if they are a fit before you act.

As for the events and opportunities, the people who invited you will not receive a notification if you hit “ignore.”

Create your own posts regularly, on a schedule you can maintain

Whether you are posting, curating an article you found valuable, or writing your own commentary about something important to you, content creation relates primarily to Purpose 3, cultivating your reputation as an expert. You may need to extend your timer for this task, to do a good job writing a post or article. Don’t let writing consume too much of your time, but know that the more you post and demonstrate your expertise, the more likely people are to remember you when they hear of a need you can fill (Purpose 2).

When your timer is done, go on to the rest of your work day, knowing that you have used LinkedIn efficiently and to your best advantage. Strategic use of your time on LinkedIn will help you nurture important business relationships, help your name come to mind when an opportunity arises, and reinforce people’s appreciation of your expertise.

speaker holding microphoneNamed one of six top branding experts in 2022 by The American Reporter, over the past ten years, I’ve helped countless C-level clients use LinkedIn to frame conversations, impress suitors and customers, and introduce themselves before their first conversation takes place. If you are a C-suite executive or senior leader, I can make this easy for you. Based on my knowledge of how LinkedIn works and how people respond to what they see there, I can ensure everything is ready and your profile conveys exactly the message and impression you’re aiming for. Let me help you attract the talent you want to hire, increase your visibility and influence, and steer your career.

 

book cover
To order an author-signed book, see: https://carolkaemmerer.com/books

To order an author-signed book, see: https://carolkaemmerer.com/books

Contact me through my website https://carolkaemmerer.com for:

  • Executive one-on-one assistance with your online brand
  • Professional speaking engagements on personal brand and LinkedIn
  • An autographed copy of my book, LinkedIn for the Savvy Executive-2nd Edition
  • My self-paced, online course
  • To receive my articles in your email mailbox monthly

My award-winning book, LinkedIn for the Savvy Executive-2nd Edition received BookAuthority’s “Best LinkedIn Books of All Time” award, was named one of the “Top 100+ Best Business Books” by The C-Suite Network. For your author-inscribed and signed book or quantity discounts, order at: https://carolkaemmerer.com/books

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Dear Katherine: My Kid Thinks I Don’t Take Her Feelings Seriously

Hello, Conscious Parent! Welcome to “Dear Katherine,” a monthly Q&A with real-life parents/caregivers. If you’d like to submit a question of your own, email me at katherine@consciousparentingrevolution.com.


Dear Katherine,

My 10-year-old daughter and I had a bit of an altercation. She and her sister were having an argument over a dress the younger one wanted to borrow. They took the fight into my work-from-home space.

To be honest, I was buried with deadlines and was about to hop on a call, so I immediately told my older daughter to let the younger one borrow the dress. She burst into tears and yelled that I didn’t take her feelings seriously.

Needless to say, I’m gutted. I don’t ever want my kids to feel dismissed. What do I do, Dear Katherine?

— Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent

Dear Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent,

I can certainly empathize with your predicament. As a working mom myself, I know what it’s like to feel too stressed and overwhelmed to give my kids undivided attention. You didn’t mean to come off as dismissive, and your gutted reaction shows that you are indeed a serious parent who wants to do right by your children.

It’s important to remember that parents, just like anyone else, are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Still, it’s our duty to provide a safe and loving environment where our kids can be seen, heard, and supported.

5 Tips to Help Your Child Feel Seen, Heard, and Supported
You know that you take your daughter’s feelings seriously despite being very busy. Here’s what you can do to show her just how much she matters to you:

1. Apologize.

Apologies are powerful catalysts for healing. Even though you didn’t mean to make your daughter feel ignored or neglected, let her know how sorry you are for hurting her feelings.

Then, ask her what exactly made her feel like you didn’t care. Did it seem like you were taking her sister’s side? Explain that you love them both equally and take both their feelings very seriously.

 

When everyone is feeling better, bring your two girls together and encourage them to resolve the dress issue. Can the younger one learn to respect the older one’s decision not to share that specific dress? Is there an alternative piece of clothing she can borrow?

Sharing is an important skill to learn, but let your children know it’s perfectly okay if there are some things they want to keep for themselves.

2. Stop what you’re doing and listen.

The next time your daughter demands your attention, step back and observe your reaction. Are you tapping your foot or looking at your phone? Did you even look up from your computer screen and make eye contact?

Give your kids at least a minute or two of your undivided attention when they need something. And if you’re just too busy at that particular moment, schedule a “Mommy and Me” time later in the day.

3. Acknowledge what she’s saying.

Problem-solving is certainly one of our most valuable skills as parents or caregivers, but don’t be so quick to find a solution that you dismiss what your child is trying to say.

Rather than placating children with toxic positivity (“Don’t be sad, cheer up!”), validate how they feel: “I can see that you’re feeling sad. Do you want to tell me why? Is there anything I can do to make it better?”

Raising self-assured children begins with teaching them that it’s important to acknowledge whatever emotion they’re feeling—so they can let it go when they’re ready.

4. Set reasonable boundaries.

As important as it is for children to acknowledge their feelings, it’s equally essential for them to learn that they have power over their emotions. Now is when they can learn that they don’t need to be overwhelmed by their emotions and can be with them rather than overwhelmed by them.

Your daughter may be angry at her sibling, but that doesn’t mean she can take it out on her—or anyone else for that matter. It’s never too early to teach children that negative feelings don’t have to translate to bad behavior.

5. Put yourself in your child’s shoes.

Let’s be honest: sometimes it’s hard to understand why a child could get so upset over being asked to shower, make their bed, or in your case, Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent, lend her sister a dress.

But try to remember that kids have very little control over their everyday lives. The next time one of your daughters is upset, practice empathy to understand where she’s really coming from.

I hope this advice is helpful, Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent. You’re juggling so much each and every day between work and parenting and everything else. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine
P.S. Want to connect with other parents and caregivers who share your successes and frustrations? Join the Conscious Parenting Revolution Facebook Group!

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5 Ways You Can Ease Working Mom Guilt

A mom friend of mine sent me a picture this week. It showed her perched on the (closed!) pedestal on the toilet, resting her laptop on the toilet paper holder, while her daughter peeked over the side of the bath-tub doing her evening bathing routine. This is working mom life today. Juggling two jobs at once, but feeling like you’re doing neither one to the best of your ability. But even as the pandemic has passes, the mom’s guilt stays.

What can you do to help alleviate the guilt of having to balance your working responsibilities with those of being a good parent? Working mom guilt can paralyze us with stress and trigger our instincts of fight or flight – which, during the pandemic, are already heightened.

Ways You Can Ease Working Mom Guilt

The very first thing you can do is simply to breathe deeply. When you’re in the moment of heightened guilt, merely taking a few breaths can help put much-needed space between you and the situation.

Longer-term, you can seek to change your perspective on your guilt. Is it so bad for your child that they see mom working and having to prioritize her time? It sets an excellent example for your children and shows them that they can do or be anything they want to be, after all.

For a long time, we weren’t able to separate ourselves for even a few hours. Some of us are still not able to drop the kids off at childcare or school. Have you noticed how much clingier to you they were since they have you around 24/7?

Ordinarily, you can rest assured that despite your child’s tears at seeing you go (and possibly your own), you’re letting your child grow and form their thoughts and feelings and make personal friendships – without always looking to you for affirmation. You can relieve yourself of the guilt of letting them be in the care of someone else while you work.

However, in conversations with your child’s carers, how have you felt when it was someone else who was there for them when they cried? What about when you weren’t there for a milestone? Did you feel guilt and sadness that someone else spends more waking hours with your child, and might know them better than you?

There is a loneliness that settles into your heart as you learn how to juggle this new normal. I know you question if you are good enough—good enough at work, good enough as a mom, good enough as a spouse because I’ve thought and felt and carried all of these emotions too.

Letting go of the guilt comes with acceptance. Accepting that this is what is, and not hanging on to what SHOULD be.

This is especially true now, where we have not only had to juggle the roles of parent and employee, but also become our child’s teacher and playmate. How much guilt do you feel when you switch on the television or hand them a tablet to entertain themselves and ask them to be quiet while you try to conduct a meeting on zoom?

Knowing that it’s ok to be ‘good enough’ but not perfect, will give you more peace than trying to do everything correctly. You are not going to be the perfect mother. You are not going to be the ideal employee. And that’s ok. You are good enough, and that’s all you have to be.

It’s essential to establish your boundaries with your workplace. Your boss knows you’re a mom, and when you clock out promptly, it’s not your lack of ambition or slacking off. It’s merely that you have other responsibilities that you have to balance. They should hopefully be understanding of that. You’re not a bad employee because you’re a mom, any more than you’re a bad mom for working.

If you hate your job, but you do it to be able to pay the bills, then you are providing the means to create a childhood with a safe place to sleep and good things to eat.

When you have a job you love, and you do it because you are passionate about your cause, you are creating a childhood where little girls grow up to achieve their dreams and little boys see their moms and sisters and aunts and future daughters as equals.

Who Do You Surround Yourself With?

Think about who you surround yourself with? Do they support you, or mom-shame you? You’ll feel much lighter if you surround yourself with other moms and people who support you, and not those who tell you what you “should” be doing.

Don’t Follow The Rules

If you can stop following other people’s rules, you’ll achieve a step in relieving yourself of working mom guilt. Forget the rules. When you feel working mom guilt, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen if I break the rules?” Your answer can bring you back to your reality.

It’s not only when you’re suffering mom guilt that you need to limit your own screen time, but it will help you to limit your distractions. When you do have time with your child, try to give them your attention for the short time you’re with them. This can be very challenging when you’ve already been pulled in every direction at work all day. But freeing yourself from other people’s perfectly curated lives, and being present for your child will give you far more peace of mind. And the ability to be a present and conscious parent.

Do It At Your Own Pace

Take one day at a time. Don’t keep looking to the future weekends or vacations. Just focus on getting through today. After all – eight hours is far more manageable than five days.

Think about how working makes you feel? Do you feel like a more well-rounded and grounded person for going to work? Your child will benefit more from a good role model, and happy mommy, than from one who feels bored or unfulfilled. That’s not to say mommies who stay home ARE bored and unfulfilled, but if you are someone who enjoys going to work, that won’t change when you also have a family.

Don’t Judge Yourself

We are all our harshest critics. Especially when working motherhood is such a significant part of our identity. Have you ever forgotten something at your child’s school? A PJ day or pot luck? Or felt guilty that other parents put together a perfect Valentine’s gift bag for the entire class, while your offering lacked the same detail and imagination?

To stop beating yourself up, reserve self-judgment. Think about the bigger picture. Will any of those moments of guilt affect your child’s performance in school? We all forget things, and no one is perfect, and you can release yourself from the self-judgment.

It is ok to make mistakes and to help yourself you can learn from them.

Getting organized will help, and your phone is your friend. Set reminders, and use apps or planners that will remind you of everyone’s schedules.

Would you be a better mom if you only had one full-time job, and not two? It’s easy to think that perhaps stay-at-home moms are happier because they are not trying to do it all.

Mom Christy Lilley admits she’s asked herself that question many times. She says that she agrees that their lives would be less stressful and more manageable if she wasn’t working. “Things would be calmer, our weekends and nights would be less hectic,” she says.

However, she adds that she doesn’t think that she would be happier and that maybe it’s easy to believe that the grass is always greener.

We can accept working mom guilt isn’t going to go away completely. But you can work towards alleviating that guilt and see the positives of being a working mom.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

PS. Check out my newest appearance on PedsDocTalk discussing why being mindful as a parent is important for your child’s success. Click here to listen and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel!