Have you ever felt like the world’s just… louder these days? Like everyone’s shouting, but no one’s really listening?

We’re living in polarized times. It’s not just political debates or social media arguments. It’s at family dinners. In boardrooms. Between friends. Even within ourselves. Lines get drawn. Opinions harden. And suddenly, connection starts to slip away—not because we disagree, but because we’ve forgotten how to disagree with grace.

In this climate, empathy has become a radical act. A form of resistance. A strategic superpower. And at its heart, a core tenet of The Art of Feminine Negotiation.

We’re Not Just Divided—We’re Disconnected

It’s easy to blame algorithms and politics, but the truth is more intimate. We’ve stopped being curious about each other. We’ve replaced conversation with confrontation, understanding with certainty, and vulnerability with performance.

This isn’t just happening in public spaces—it’s happening in our most personal ones, too. In our relationships. Our partnerships. Our communities. And it’s taking a toll.

The result? An empathy deficit. And like any deficit, it comes at a cost: trust erodes, opportunities are missed, and relationships fracture.

Empathy Isn’t Weakness—It’s Leverage

Let’s bust a myth right now: empathy isn’t about being nice or passive or avoiding conflict. It’s not about abandoning your beliefs to make someone else feel better.

Empathy is power. It’s what allows us to understand what’s truly driving someone’s behavior—not just what they’re saying, but what they need. And when we understand that, we can respond more effectively, more strategically, and with far greater impact.

That’s feminine negotiation in action. It’s not about domination. It’s about influence. Connection. Collaboration. Choosing to understand, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Listening to Understand (Not Just to Win)

One of the simplest—and most profound—shifts we can make is to start listening with the intention of understanding, not responding.

Most people listen with their rebuttal already loading. They’re not really in a conversation. They’re in a performance.

But what if we got curious instead? What if we asked questions like:

• What’s really behind this reaction?
• What are they afraid of losing?
• What values are they trying to protect?

Those questions don’t make us weak. They make us wise.

Empathy with Boundaries Is Still Empathy

Now let’s be clear: empathy doesn’t mean tolerating toxicity. It doesn’t mean you have to stay in conversations that are abusive, demeaning, or unsafe.

You can have empathy and boundaries. You can say, “I see where you’re coming from—and I’m sure you prefer to treat people with dignity and respect, but I feel like we’re off track and maybe need to take a step back for now.”

Empathy without boundaries is martyrdom. But empathy with boundaries? That’s leadership. Feminine leadership at its finest.

Reclaiming Empathy as a Feminine Strength

In a culture that often rewards volume over values, choosing empathy is a rebellious act. It takes courage to listen when you’d rather shout. To soften when everything in you wants to armor up. To see the human being underneath the opposing opinion.

But this is exactly the kind of negotiation that changes the world.

It doesn’t always win headlines. It doesn’t always win arguments. But it builds trust. It opens hearts. It lays the groundwork for real, lasting change.

So, How Do We Start?

Here are a few small (but mighty) ways to start negotiating connection—especially when you disagree:

• Truly listen with a view to understanding. Don’t simply wait for your turn to speak.
• Pause before reacting. Ask yourself: What’s underneath their position?
• Lead with curiosity. Replace judgment with genuine inquiry.
• Use “I” statements. Reduce defensiveness and create space for vulnerability.
• Speak from your values. Not just your volume.
• Hold your center. Empathy doesn’t require you to lose yourself—it requires you to remember yourself.

Empathy is not a soft skill. It’s a powerful negotiation tool. And in these noisy, divided times, it might just be our most valuable currency.

Let’s be the ones who bring it back.

Let’s be honest—Mother’s Day isn’t a Hallmark holiday for everyone.

Sure, it’s meant to be a day of celebration—of soft embraces, flowers in bloom, and handwritten cards filled with gratitude. But for many, this day doesn’t feel like a celebration. It feels like a reckoning. A reminder. A wound.

Celebrating Mother’s Day without my own mom is still new to me. After years of watching her slip further and further away—first physically, then mentally, as dementia and Alzheimer’s slowly stole the woman I knew—her absence now feels both quiet and deafening. Even before she passed, I had already started grieving. Losing someone in fragments is its own kind of heartbreak.

I know I’m not alone in that. So many of us carry complicated relationships with the idea of motherhood—whether we’ve lost our mothers, never had the mother we needed, are navigating estrangement, have struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss, or are mothers ourselves, trying to live up to impossible standards while quietly wondering if we’re getting any of it right.

So how do we negotiate a day like this when it doesn’t match the script?

Honor Your Truth

The first and most important step? Allow yourself to feel what you actually feel—not what you think you should feel. Grief. Anger. Relief. Loneliness. Gratitude. All of it is valid. There’s no gold star for pretending everything’s fine. Give yourself permission to show up exactly as you are.

That might mean stepping away from social media for the day (or the weekend). It might mean skipping the family brunch or choosing not to send a card. You get to define what Mother’s Day looks like for you. That’s not selfish—it’s self-honoring.

Reframe the Day

If traditional Mother’s Day celebrations don’t resonate, reframe it. Instead of focusing solely on the mother you’ve lost—or the one you never had—consider expanding your definition of “mothering.” Maybe it’s a mentor who guided you when you needed it most. Maybe it’s a sister-friend who always shows up. Maybe it’s you. Yes, you—mothering yourself with tenderness and care in the way you may have longed for.

Try creating a new ritual: light a candle, write a letter, go for a solo walk, donate to a cause that uplifts women and girls. These simple acts can turn a painful day into a sacred one.

Set Boundaries with Grace

If your relationship with your mother—or your child—is strained, Mother’s Day can dredge up a lot of guilt and emotional landmines. Remember: it’s okay to draw boundaries. In fact, it’s necessary.

You don’t owe anyone your peace.

Set limits on the conversations you’re willing to have. Choose not to engage in forced rituals that leave you feeling depleted. Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re doorways to self-respect and healing.

Make Space for Grief and Gratitude

Grief and gratitude are not opposites—they often sit side by side, holding hands. You can miss your mother deeply and still be thankful for what she gave you—or what you’ve learned in her absence. You can resent the pain and still celebrate the love. It’s not a contradiction. It’s what makes us beautifully human.

For me, I miss the sound of my mom’s voice. Her laugh. Her stubbornness. I miss the way she could sometimes read my mind it seemed. But I also hold onto the lessons she passed down—about strength, resilience, and speaking truth, even when it’s hard.

You’re Not Alone

If this day feels heavy, know this: you are not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not bitter. You’re just real. And real is something to be celebrated—especially in a world that so often expects us to gloss over the hard stuff in favor of shiny surface smiles.

So whatever Mother’s Day looks like for you this year—whether it’s joyful, painful, quiet, loud, or some tangled mix of all of the above—I invite you to negotiate it on your own terms. Make space for your truth. Show yourself radical compassion. And remember: there’s power in rewriting the script.

Negotiation is a skill that permeates every aspect of our lives. We negotiate with others, with our circumstances, and though not talked about as much but perhaps most importantly, with ourselves. How can we take control of this last aspect to enhance our life? Have you ever considered the concept of negotiating with your future self? It’s a powerful tool for personal development. It goes beyond merely setting goals; it involves engaging in a dynamic dialogue with the person you aspire to become.

The Art of Self-Negotiation

Self-negotiation is powerful but can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it empowers us to challenge ourselves and push beyond our comfort zones. On the other, it can lead to self-sabotage if not approached with intention. Mastering the art of productive self-negotiation is key to unlocking your potential. When you negotiate with your future self, you’re essentially making promises and setting expectations. Think of it as entering into a contract with the person you want to become. This process takes courage, requiring honesty, introspection, and a willingness to confront your current limitations.

Understanding Your Inner BATNA

In negotiation theory, we often refer to BATNA – the Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Typically, we consider external options available to us. But when negotiating with yourself, it’s crucial to cultivate your “inner BATNA”, taking responsibility for meeting your own needs and freeing yourself psychologically from external constraints.

To develop your inner BATNA:

1. Identify Your Core Values and Aspirations: Understand what truly matters to you.
2. Cultivate Independence: Empower yourself to pursue your goals without relying solely on external validation.
3. Create Alternatives: Develop options that enable you to move forward, regardless of external circumstances.

Your strongest negotiation position is rooted in self-sufficiency and inner strength.

Reframing Your Perspective

One of the most transformative aspects of negotiating with your future self is the opportunity to reframe your perspective. Your experience of life is determined by the perspective you choose to embrace. So why not choose more positive perspectives? Instead of viewing challenges as obstacles, consider them stepping stones toward your aspirations. This mindset shift can profoundly influence how you approach personal growth and negotiations in all areas of life.

The Power of Personal Development

Investing in personal development is essential for effective self-negotiation. The best negotiators understand themselves deeply. This self-awareness allows you to:

1. Recognize Personal Barriers: Identify issues that can hinder your growth.
2. Build Confidence: Develop a strong sense of self-worth and capability.
3. Enhance Emotional Intelligence: Navigate complex negotiations with greater ease.

Practical Steps for Negotiating with Your Future Self

1. Clarify Your Vision: Define who you want to become. What does your ideal future self look like, feel like, and achieve? You can’t hit a fuzzy target so be sure to get clarity about where you’re heading.
2. Set High Aspirations: Don’t be afraid to dream big. Your future self is capable of more than you might currently believe.
3. Create Milestones: Break down your aspirations into manageable steps, creating a clear roadmap for your journey.
4. Hold Yourself Accountable: Treat agreements with yourself as seriously as those made with others. Use tools like journaling or accountability partners to stay on track.
5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when facing setbacks; negotiation is about finding win-win solutions.
6. Regularly Re-negotiate: As you grow and evolve, be open to adjusting your aspirations and commitments.
7. Celebrate small wins: Be sure to celebrate along the journey to maintain motivation and momentum.

The ‘Feminine’ Approach to Self-Negotiation

Negotiating with your future self isn’t about harsh discipline or unrealistic expectations; it’s about creating a compassionate dialogue that propels you toward your highest potential. Embrace your innate qualities of empathy and intuition as strengths in this process – your secret weapons. Remember that in mastering the art of negotiating with your future self you’re actively shaping the person you’re becoming. It’s one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have. It’s an opportunity to align your actions with your values and aspirations, one decision at a time.

Are you ready to sit down at the negotiation table with your future self? This conversation might just be the key to unlocking the life you’ve always envisioned.

April Fool’s Day has just passed. Some people love it, while others hate being made the fool. Regardless of what side you come down on, there are some valuable tips we can learn from April Fool’s Day that will serve us on this auspicious day each year and well beyond. In fact, some of the things that will up-level our April Fool’s Day experience will also allow us to negotiate our best lives, both personally and professionally.

Before we dig in to those nuts and bolts, let me just observe that most people go through life fearing the possibility of looking like a fool. We fear failure. We fear rejection. We fear getting ‘no’ to our requests. These fears hold us back from stepping into the best version of ourselves.

Ironically, it’s in pushing past these fears that we can achieve our greatest triumphs. Failure is the path to success. Almost all great achievements throughout history came on the heels of repeated failures. When we can embrace the failure, we forge the path to breakthroughs.

I invite you to reframe the concept of looking ‘foolish’. Failing is not foolish. It’s brave and necessary. Accepting ‘no’s’ along the journey and pushing forward builds growth and momentum on the road to success. Challenging accepted dictums creates new perspectives and initiatives for expansion.

So, think bigger. Act bolder. Take chances. Trust in yourself, knowing that you will make mistakes and looking forward to the learning that comes from that.

Now, to the meat of how we can be fools on April Fool’s Day and beyond. Having clarified that failing and taking chances is not foolish, let’s explore what does constitute foolishness and how we can avoid it.

April Fool’s Day used to about trying to trick people as a gaffe or gag. It celebrated the art of trying to make others believe something that was patently false. It was a half-day ‘hall pass’ to fudge the facts and mislead.

Sadly, in today’s world it is increasingly common to see people being played the fool daily when they don’t distinguish between truth and lies. When they don’t bother to separate fact from fiction, reality from fantasy. This will become even more important with advances in technology that allow for outright fabrication of videos etc.

‘Fake news’ has become the rally cry of this generation. Whether in mainstream media or social media or in our daily exchanges, we are inundated with inaccurate information. The consequences of these falsehoods can be quite serious, as was evidenced when the world was ripped apart with vastly opposing views on COVID, with both ‘sides’ purportedly certain about the correctness of their convictions and little opportunity for meaningful dialogue.

So, how do we avoid being made the fool? Here’s a few quick tips to consider.

I Don’t believe everything you read

The breadth of the dissemination of information does not corelate with its reliability. In other words, just because you see something spreading like wildfire does not increase the reliability of the information. Viral videos do not afford them greater credibility. In fact, sometimes the opposite is true. Sensationalism attracts attention. Distortion can stand out and attract more attention.

Be intentional about distinguishing supported facts from bald assertions.

II Tap into your intuition

Allow yourself to invoke your intuition. The more you hone it, the more reliable it will become. If your guts send you a signal about the reliability (or lack of reliability) about information, trust it enough to explore the issue rather than accepting what you see or hear at face value.

Our intuition used to be relied upon to save our lives. If we sensed danger, we trusted that intuition and stood on guard for that sabre toothed tiger. Somewhere along the line we ceded its power to passive receipt of information from other sources. It’s time we tapped into our intuition again to guide our responses as others actively seek to mislead (whether for their own gain, for the chaos itself, or inadvertently through lack of responsible filtering).

Ask yourself if what you’re seeing or hearing is consistent with your experience of that person or thing. If questions arise, or a niggling doubt rubs, trust them.

III Do your homework

Rather than passively receiving information and blindly accepting it, do a little fact-checking.

• Look to reliable sources that ensure vigorous fact-checking protocols.
• Consider the internal consistency (or lack thereof) of the information you’re receiving. Is it at odds with your current understanding of the world on that issue?
• Consider the external consistency of the information. Is it at odds with other external indicators?
• Seek differing perspectives and viewpoints and look at it through multiple possible lenses.

IV Only share reliable information

Don’t be guilty of passing on information which may not be accurate … especially if that information has the potential to cause harm.

Apply Socrates triple filter test on truth:

If what you’re going to say/share is:

• not true; and/or
• (ii) not good; and/or
• (iii) not useful;

don’t say it!

Don’t me made a fool. I hope these simple insights help you distinguish between the good, the bad and the ugly so you can live into your best life.

Do you recognize how shame and guilt impact on your life? We all experience both emotions. We often try to ignore them, hoping they might simply disappear in the process  – or at least fade into the background. Denial is rarely, if ever, an effective strategy. This is true in life, and in our negotiations.

Negotiation, whether in our personal or professional lives, involves more than just the exchange of offers and counteroffers. Contrary to many resources on negotiation, it is not a sterile academic exercise where we simply apply certain rules, tactics and templates to get a desired outcome. It’s important to consider the human element of our negotiations as the process taps into our deep-seated emotions. Understanding and managing these emotions is key. Among the most impactful of these emotions are shame and guilt, both of which can profoundly influence the outcomes of negotiations.

Let’s take a moment to explore shame and guilt as they arise in negotiations.

The Role of Shame and Guilt in Negotiation

Shame and guilt are distinct emotions that can manifest differently in our negotiations. Guilt typically arises from a sense that we’ve done something wrong, leading to a desire to make amends. Shame, on the other hand, is more deeply ingrained, stemming from the belief that something is inherently wrong with ourselves. This distinction is crucial in understanding how these emotions can affect negotiation strategies and outcomes.

In negotiation, guilt can be a motivating force, encouraging parties to find a resolution that alleviates their discomfort. For instance, if we feel guilty about an oversight or a previous decision, we may be more inclined to compromise or make concessions to rectify the situation. This can lead to more cooperative behavior and a quicker resolution.

Shame, however, can have more complex and potentially negative effects on negotiation. If we feel shame, we may approach the process with a sense of inferiority or inadequacy, which can undermine our confidence and assertiveness. This can result in us accepting unfavorable terms or avoiding the negotiation altogether. Additionally, shame can make us more susceptible to manipulation, as we may be more eager to please others or avoid conflict, even at our own expense.

Note though that the opposite shadow reaction can also occur. Sometimes individuals experiencing guilt and/or shame try to bury it and push past it, showing up with aggressive, bullying behaviour (rather than facing the monster under the bed and redressing it).

The Gendered Experience of Shame and Guilt in Negotiation

Research suggests that women, in particular, may experience shame and guilt differently in negotiation contexts. Societal expectations and cultural conditioning often place women in a position where we feel compelled to prioritize others’ needs over our own, leading to heightened feelings of guilt when asserting ourselves. Similarly, the fear of being perceived as too aggressive or unlikable can trigger shame, causing women to downplay our demands or withdraw from the negotiation process.

These dynamics can create significant barriers to effective negotiation. Women may struggle to advocate for themselves or fear the repercussions of doing so, leading to less favorable outcomes. Understanding these gendered experiences is essential for developing strategies that empower us to negotiate more effectively.

Take a Moment for Personal Reflection

Consider a time when guilt or shame impacted on how you showed up in a negotiation. How might you have gotten better results if you’d handled these emotions differently? Similarly, consider a time when someone in your life was hampered by shame or guilt in getting the outcomes they wanted or deserved. If you want to get ruthlessly honest with yourself, have you ever used someone else’s guilt or shame against them in getting what you want in a negotiation?

Strategies to Mitigate the Impact of Shame and Guilt

1. Self-Awareness: The first step in mitigating the impact of shame and guilt in negotiation is self-awareness. Recognizing these emotions and understanding their origins can help us address them more effectively in our negotiations (and beyond). This involves reflecting on past experiences and identifying patterns of behavior that may be influenced by shame or guilt.
2. Reframing the Narrative: Reframing how we view the negotiation process can also be helpful. Instead of viewing negotiation as a conflict, choose to see it as a collaborative effort to achieve mutually beneficial outcomes. This shift in perspective can reduce feelings of guilt and shame by focusing on shared goals rather than personal stakes.
3. Preparation and Practice: Preparation is key to building confidence in negotiation. By thoroughly preparing for negotiations, we can feel more secure in our positions and less susceptible to the negative effects of shame and guilt. Role-playing and practice can also help us become more comfortable with asserting ourselves and handling difficult emotions during the negotiation. Be intentional about how you plan to deal with any feelings of guilt and/or shame as part of your preparation process.
4. Seeking Support: Finally, seeking support from mentors, colleagues, or professional coaches can provide valuable insights and encouragement. Discussing feelings of shame and guilt with trusted individuals can help us develop strategies to manage these emotions and approach our negotiations with greater confidence.

Conclusion

Shame and guilt are powerful emotions that can significantly impact the negotiation process. By understanding these emotions and developing strategies to manage them, you can navigate negotiations more effectively, leading to more favorable outcomes you’re your awareness of these dynamics grows, it becomes possible to create a more equitable and empowering negotiation environment for all participants.

In the male-dominated world of corrections, where strength and authority are often the currencies of power, Jane Korosi’s story stands out as a testament to the power of feminine negotiation. I had the pleasure of interviewing Jane on my Art of Feminine Negotiation podcast. With experience in a maximum-security facility for male offenders, Jane’s journey is a masterclass in navigating tough environments with grace, resilience, and strategic thinking.

Breaking the Mold

Jane’s corrections career spanned roles on the frontline in every area, from admissions and discharge to segregation, dealing with offenders across all security levels. Her extensive experience in such a high-stakes environment honed her negotiation skills in ways few could imagine.

Jane didn’t just survive in this challenging environment—she thrived. Her ability to remain calm under pressure, combined with her strategic use of communication and empathy, allowed her to effectively manage situations many would find overwhelming. She demonstrates that being successful in male-dominated spaces doesn’t require adopting the aggressive tactics often associated with those environments. Instead, by leaning into her strengths as a woman—such as active listening, emotional intelligence, and adaptability—Jane carved out a unique and powerful path.

The Power of Crisis Negotiation

One of the most prestigious roles Jane held was as a crisis negotiator, which allowed her to use her unique skill set to de-escalate the most volatile situations in the correctional system. Being selected as a crisis negotiator marked her as someone who could handle extreme pressure while keeping a clear, focused mind.

In crisis situations, the stakes are incredibly high. The ability to communicate effectively, empathize with the other party, and find common ground can mean the difference between life and death. Jane’s approach to negotiation in these critical moments serves as an important reminder: sometimes, undervalued soft skills—like empathy, patience, and active listening—are the most powerful tools in our arsenal.

Tactical Empathy: Beyond Just Understanding

Empathy is not merely about understanding another person’s feelings; in negotiation, it’s about using that understanding to influence outcomes. Jane mastered this art in her role as crisis negotiator. By genuinely tuning into the emotions and motivations of those she negotiated with—whether an agitated inmate or a staff member under duress—she could craft responses that de-escalated tension and guided conversations towards productive resolutions.

Tactical empathy allowed Jane to negotiate from a place of strength without needing to exert dominance. This approach is particularly useful in environments where trust is low, and tensions high. Building rapport through empathy created a psychological edge, allowing Jane to steer negotiations in a favorable direction without resorting to force.

The Art of Listening: A Powerful Negotiation Tool

One of the cornerstones of Jane’s success was her ability to truly listen. This involves more than just hearing words; it’s about picking up on subtle cues, understanding what’s unsaid, and reading between the lines. This level of deep listening allows for anticipation of issues before they escalate and to address concerns in ways that felt personalized and thoughtful.

In negotiations, especially in high-stress environments like corrections, listening can be a game-changer. When people feel heard, they are more likely to open up and cooperate. Jane created space where even the most hardened individuals felt they had a voice. This  led to negotiation breakthroughs that others might not have achieved.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Negotiation

Emotional intelligence (EQ) was another key element in Jane’s negotiation toolkit. In corrections, where emotions can run high and situations change rapidly, the ability to manage her own emotions and those of others was crucial. Jane’s high EQ allowed her to stay calm and composed, even in the face of provocation, which in turn helped defuse potentially explosive situations.

Jane’s approach to negotiation underscores the importance of self-awareness and emotional regulation. This level of emotional maturity not only earned respect from her peers but also enabled her to handle complex negotiations with finesse.

Lessons for Everyday Negotiations

While few of us will find ourselves in the exact circumstances Jane faced, her experience offers valuable lessons for negotiating in any environment.

1. Strength in Empathy: In situations where brute force might seem like the answer, empathy can be the more effective tool. Understanding the other person’s perspective allows you to connect on a deeper level, facilitating smoother negotiations.
2. Strategic Patience: In high-pressure scenarios, the instinct might be to act quickly. However, taking a moment to assess the situation, understand all the variables, and approach with a calm mind can lead to better outcomes.
3. Communication is Key: Whether you’re in a boardroom or a crisis situation, clear and effective communication is crucial. It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it. Tone, body language, and timing all play vital roles in successful negotiations.
4. Flexibility in Approach: Jane’s roles required her to adapt constantly—whether she was dealing with a high-security inmate or managing a critical incident. Flexibility in your approach can make you more effective in negotiations, allowing you to pivot as needed to achieve your goals.
5. Listening as a Strategy: Deep listening is a powerful tool that can provide insights into the other party’s true motivations and concerns. By mastering the art of listening, you can create opportunities for mutual understanding and collaboration, leading to more successful outcomes.
6. Emotional Intelligence: Managing your emotions and understanding those of others can significantly impact the direction and outcome of negotiations. Cultivating emotional intelligence allows you to navigate complex situations with grace and effectiveness.

Breaking Down Barriers

Jane’s career is a powerful example of how you can excel by leveraging your feminine strengths. Her success as a crisis negotiator is a reminder that leadership and negotiation don’t always have to follow traditional, ‘masculine’ norms. Instead, embracing empathy, patience, and strategic thinking can break down barriers and create pathways for success in even the most challenging of environments.