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Category: Body Language

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Investing Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

How to Easily Slaughter a Bully When Negotiating

“When negotiating with a bully, the first skirmish starts in your mind.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Do you recall a time when you were cowered by a bully? Did it make you feel like you wanted to slaughter him? There are strategic ways to fight a bully when negotiating. They start with how you plan your strategy for the negotiation and how you engage him.

Continue reading and you’ll discover how you can easily slaughter a bully in your negotiations.

The Setup: Bully’s Allies

  • Know who the bully’s strongest and weakest allies are and know their strengths and weaknesses.
  • Understand their sway with the bully and access how you might alter their allegiance to him and make them your ally.
  • Devise a plan to have them fighting amongst themselves and think about at what point(s) in the negotiation that you might implement this scheme.

Cost: Price of Bullying

  • Make it clear that they’ll be a toll to exact if the bully attempts to bully you during the negotiation.
  • Consider how you might threaten the well-being of those the bully cares about (e.g. loss of finances, reputation, prestige, etc.) Be prepared to fire a warning shot to display your seriousness.

Strategies: Fighting Back

  • Consider the demeanors you’ll display to exhibit your mannerisms during the negotiation. You should align your desires to move the bully to a place of comfort or discomfort, depending on the situation.
  • Consider your strategies (e.g. pincer move (he’s surrounded with no way out), deceit (a bully will engage in deceit. To combat him, you must be willing to engage in it, too.)

Body Language: Interpreting Signals

  • Gestures that indicate weakening (e.g. breaking eye contact (weakening), speaking verbosely (losing steam and/or attempting to dazzle you with his BS), hands closer to his body (protecting himself), Looking around at/for others (seeking assistance/help), requesting a recess (needs time to collect himself)

 

  • Gestures that indicate strength (e.g. glaring (becoming more resolute), increasing the tone (attempting to convey commitment), asserting more space/puffing himself up (attempting to be perceived as bigger than he is), lack of veracity (he’s fearless about not being forthright – this might indicate desperation and/or an attempt to sway you by lying), insisting that you accept his position (act of intimidation)

 

  • Keep in mind that any of the gestures above may be a ploy. To assess their validity, do the opposite of what’s displayed or match it; your actions will depend on the circumstances at hand. Either way, you’ll glean insight into the validity of is action by the way he responds to yours. Be aware of how the bully shifts his perspective and positioning in the negotiation based on your reply to his actions.

The Trail: Set Markers

  • Be hypersensitive to the direction of the negotiation; know where you’re headed. If you don’t like where it’s going, change directions by invoking red herrings or any diversion you’ve created for this purpose.
  • Have markers denoting exits from the negotiation when you sense you’re in futile
  • Don’t stay engaged in a negotiation that’s not going expectedly if you see no way to make a course correction. You’ll hurt your negotiation position by doing so.

In your next negotiation, take heed of the points above. Assess how and when you’ll implement them. Adopt them as the shield and sword you use to combat a bully. In so doing, you’ll rob him of his powers … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.TheMasterNegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#Slaughter #Power #secrets #hiddensecrets #Mistakes #Fight #Negativity #cyber, cyberbullying #Management #SmallBusiness #Money #Negotiating #combat #negotiatingwithabully #bully #bullies #bullying #Negotiations #PersonalDevelopment #HandlingObjections #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #NegotiationPsychology

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Investing Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

How to be More Powerful When You Negotiate

“Don’t let your obsession with imperfection deposit your dreams in the graveyard of despair.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“Wow! That was a fantastic negotiation! It’s almost like you had him dancing on a string. How did you learn to become such a powerful negotiator?” Those were the admiring sentiments bestowed on a senior member of a negotiation team by his junior.

Do you know how to be more powerful when you negotiate? There are strategies and techniques you can employ to accomplish that goal. Discover how to implement the following strategies in your negotiations and you’ll become more powerful when you negotiate, too.

Pre-Negotiation:

  • Planning

In every negotiation, your degree of planning determines your degree of success. In your planning stage, think about the strategies you’ll implement and what might cause them to become altered during the negotiation. Consider how you might challenge the opposing negotiator to make him alter his strategy too; the purpose is to get him off his game plan so that he’ll be more susceptible to following your lead. To do this, compile alternative strategies that allow you the flexibility to adapt to unexpected challenges. That’ll help you prioritize their possibility.

  • Practice

It’s stated that practice makes perfect. That’s a half-truth because imperfect practice will only serve to make you more imperfect.

To enhance the possibility that you’ll have a winning negotiation outcome, practice implementing your plan. When possible, practice with individuals that possess skills comparable to the opposing negotiator(s). Attune your attention to things you’d not considered and modify your plan accordingly.

Conflation:

Always be aware of how you arrive at your decisions. In your thought process, don’t conflate disparate situations. If you do, be aware that you’re doing so and why.

By accepting conflated dissimilar information as being valid, you might lend more credence than what’s warranted to the skill level of the other negotiator. That will cause you to negotiate differently than if you’d not assigned him such benefits.

As an example, don’t over inflate your opponent’s skills, just because he’s negotiated multi-million-dollar deals. That doesn’t mean he can out negotiate you in your current situation. Don’t disadvantage yourself by thinking he can.

Mental Agility:

  • Mindset

When considering the mindset you’ll adopt for a negotiation, consider the style and type of negotiator you’ll compete against. Consider the demeanor and mindset you’ll adopt to negotiate with that type of negotiator (i.e. soft, middle, hard). In considering the demeanor you’ll adopt, view yourself as being worthy to negotiate with your counterpart and project the image.

  • Subconscious

Your subconscious mind speaks. Do you know what it’s saying when it does? Pay close attention to the feelings and intuitions you have during a negotiation. In some cases, those feelings will emerge from subconscious thoughts you’re having. That might stem from micro expressions your sensing (Note: Micro expressions last for less than one second. They’re insights that reveal the unrevealed thoughts of someone.)

Reading Body Language:

When deciphering body language, you must establish a baseline to compare to. You can establish the baseline of the other negotiator by observing gestures he emits in non-stressful environments. Look for gestures that indicate his happiness (i.e. the degree of felicity), sadness (i.e. stooped shoulders, down-turned face), indecisiveness (i.e. hand to forehead, slight erratic movement). If you can’t establish his baseline, due to whatever prevents you from doing so, compare his actions in the negotiation to what’s normal in such situations. Once you establish that baseline, you can use it to compare his future actions/reactions.

In every negotiation, there are advantages to be had. If you know how to enhance those advantages by the strategies you implement, you’ll have a greater chance of a successful negotiation outcome … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.TheMasterNegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#Power #secrets #hiddensecrets #Mistakes #Fight #Negativity #cyber, cyberbullying #Management #SmallBusiness #Money #Negotiating #combat #negotiatingwithabully #bully #bullies #bullying #Negotiations #PersonalDevelopment #HandlingObjections #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #NegotiationPsychology

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Best Practices Body Language Culture Entrepreneurship Human Resources Investing Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

What Mask Are You Wearing Right Now?

“The mask you wear is a display to others of who you are. Always be aware of when and why you’re wearing that mask.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

What mask are you wearing today and how many times will you change it? The mask you wear affects your psyche.

A mask is a metaphor for the persona you project to others. It’s how you represent who you are. It’s the way you wish them to perceive you and the way you see yourself. Depending on the circumstances, you’ll wear different masks at different times throughout the day.

Some might say, changing your mask alters who you are; you’re not authentic. But who are you, and who’s to say when you’re authentic? You’re not who you were five years ago, or five minutes ago; you’ve changed. Does that make you inauthentic? No!

Since change occurs daily, moment to moment, do you not continuously morph into who you just became, while transitioning into who you’re becoming? In that transition, do you observe who you are in that moment? By being observant, you’ll note the direction in which your life is heading. You’ll note if you require change before displaying the mask you’re about to adopt. That will allow you to morph into a different mask to cast a different persona if you require it.

The point is, if you recognize the mask you’re wearing at any time and you’re aware of why you’re wearing it, you’ll be more mindful of why you display the personality you project, what promotes you to do so, and the circumstances that lead you to that point. You’ll have greater control of your life, the purpose for which you’re living, and a greater sense of where you’re headed in life.

So, what mask are you wearing right now and why are you wearing it right now? If you have an answer to that question, it’ll be easier to change that mask when it’s warranted. That will also mean that you’re at a higher level of recognition and control of your life. Those are invaluable factors from which to sustain growth, harmony, and success in life. Do that … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations? 

In every negotiation, negotiators wear multiple masks. It’s called their persona. They do so to create and project the right image for a phase in the negotiation that’s appropriate for that phase. The mask they adopt adds to the perception you have of them. It may be a mask of harshness, sorrow, bullying, or tenderness. Its intent is to affect your psyche. The mask worn may represent negative manipulation, which is different from one worn to serve the greater good of the negotiation.

You must be mindful of the mask you perceive, as much as the one you project. Your mask intertwines with the other negotiator’s mask. Therefore, the mask that both of you display is based on what’s perceived.

If you want to increase your negotiation abilities, you need to know how and when to adopt a mask that suits the situation. You must be savvy when detecting the purpose of the mask shown throughout the negotiation, too. By enhancing your mental agility to observe, detect, and adopt the appropriate persona during different stages of the negotiation, you’ll experience more winning negotiation outcomes.

Remember, you’re always negotiating! 

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com 

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#Mind #Brain #Thinking #Success #Emotion #Lies #Business #SmallBusiness #Negotiation #NegotiatingWithABully #Power #Perception #emotionalcontrol #relationships #liars #Mask #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Investing Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

How to Get More Hidden Secrets When Negotiating

“To uncover hidden secrets, get others to disclose them. The real secret is knowing how to entice them to do that.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“Why were you blathering in there? You disclosed our secrets!” Such were the words of one exasperated negotiator to her team member.

When was the last time you disclosed too much information? Were you aware of doing that? The methods good negotiators use can expose hidden secrets. They know how to silently probe your mind and get you to divulge those secrets when negotiating.

Continue reading to discover what those techniques are, how you can use them, and how you can prevent them from being employed against you.

1. Broad Perspective

Begin your hidden interrogation by speaking from a very broad perspective; I’m talking about ‘side of the barn broad’. The intent is to arouse suspicion that you might be on to something greater than what you’re portraying. Hang just enough bait to get the other negotiator talking. Note what he talks about, how he does it, and any mood and/or body language alterations that occur as he’s speaking. Look for displays of calmness versus tension. 

2. Known Unknowns

Consider citing unknown knowns. Cite information the other negotiator doesn’t think you have. You’ll get his attention. Enhance this ploy by making proclamations that are slightly off the mark. That will loosen his tongue. Observe what that tongue divulges. Even if you think it’s the truth, state otherwise. Note the degree that he’s consistent and convincing. Repeat this process if his words remain suspect.

3. Images and Words

While engaging in the negotiation, invoke conjured thoughts from the images your words create. The effectiveness of this ploy will appear in glazed eyes, him retreating into a dazed like state or one in which he’s melancholia. During that state, pose probing questions to uncover hidden secrets. You should know what questions to ask based on what you suspect is undisclosed.

4. Pattern Interrupts

Introduce confusion into the negotiation by saying or doing something unexpectedly; for the best effect create an impression that’s random. The purpose is to jolt his mind away from his current thoughts and instead focus on something that’s superfluous. Then, ask him to resume where he left off. No matter what he says, provide your assessment of what you thought he was saying before the interruption occurred. Present a perspective that’s aligned with an outcome you’re seeking. Watch what he says in response and how he says it (i.e. lean away/look to the side = putting distance from himself and your words, focusing his eyes on you/leaning towards you = aligned with the intent of his words). Based on your assessment, challenge him with your version of the story and observe how he reacts. If he alters his position, even slightly, you’ll be at the threshold of hidden information.

5. Pace/Sounds

Sounds and the deepness/richness or lack of can lead to different thought processes. Seek to understand the sounds and pace that move your negotiation counterpart to experience different thoughts. Then, employ those sounds as your assistant to uncover deeper/hidden thoughts; you should also consider using a cacophony of sounds to disrupt her current thought process.

If she’s stymied in thought, use the ‘universal focus’ or ‘infinite depth of field’ approach to assist her in liberating those thoughts (Note: In some movies, multiple scenarios occur simultaneously. The viewer decides which one to focus on.) Observe the one she chooses and assess the degree of hidden information that’s contained in that choice.

In your very next negotiation, attempt to uncover hidden information by utilizing the above strategies. You’ll be amazed at what you uncover … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating! 

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com 

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.TheMasterNegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#secrets #hiddensecrets #Mistakes #Fight #Negativity #cyber, cyberbullying #Management #SmallBusiness #Money #Negotiating #combat #negotiatingwithabully #bully #bullies #bullying #Negotiations #PersonalDevelopment #HandlingObjections #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #NegotiationPsychology

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Investing Management Marketing Negotiations Skills Women In Business

Beware of the 7 Most Deadly Mistakes Negotiators Make

“People that make deadly mistakes will eventually be befallen by them.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

To win more negotiations, you must #beware of the 7 most #deadly #mistakes that #negotiators make when #negotiating. To ignore these deadly mistakes is to negotiate at your peril.

1. They omit planning stage of negotiation

There’s value in preparing for a negotiation. You get to experience what might occur during the negotiation which prepares you for that circumstance. Inexperienced negotiators rush to a negotiation without considering the complexities that might occur. That leaves them exposed and vulnerable to chance.

  1. In this process, consider what a winning strategy might be for you and the other negotiator.
  2. Consider how you’ll get back on track if you find yourself off of it.
  3. Consider what you’ll disclose, along with how you’ll do it, and what you’ll settle for (Note: In some cases, talking less can enhance your position. It’ll allow you to gain more insight).
  4. Control emotions – Assess how you’ll act/react if certain proposals are offered. Be mindful of offering ultimatums. They can be the death knell of a negotiation.

2. They don’t position themselves properly

In every negotiation, the way you’re viewed will determine how the other negotiator engages you. Thus, if you position yourself as someone that reflects the other negotiator’s style, he’ll perceive you as more of an equal.

  1. Part of the positioning process entails building relationships.
  2. Consider the degree of confidence you’ll display (too much and he may perceive you as overbearing, too little and he may perceive you as being weak).

3. They don’t consider the opposing style the other negotiator might use

Negotiators use different styles when negotiating. Know what style the other negotiator might use during your negotiation. Be mindful that good negotiators alter their style based on circumstances.

  1. Hard style negotiator (i.e. I don’t give a darn about what you want; this is a zero-sum negotiation.)
  2. Soft style negotiator (i.e. can’t we all just get along?)
  3. Bully – Be wary of the negotiator that attempts to bully you. Note the difference in his characteristics from the hard style of negotiator. He’ll be more brisk, non-caring, rude, and demeaning.

4. They fail to create exit points in the negotiation

They’ll be times when a negotiation will not go as expected. To offset lingering longer than necessary, set points to exit the negotiation based on circumstances.

  1. Example, if the other negotiator becomes belligerent about a point that creates an impasse, consider exiting the negotiation.
  2. State that the time appears not to be right to continue the negotiation and prepare to exit.
  3. Note any demeanor changes in the other negotiator. If it changes for the better, you will have conveyed that he strayed too far.

5. They don’t read or understand body language

Body language and nonverbal clues add or detract from what’s said. Learn to discern hidden meanings to gain insight into the mental thought process that’s occurring in the mind of the other negotiator.

6. They’re not aware of value

Value can expose itself in many forms. It doesn’t have to be monetary. The more you’re aware of the other negotiator’s value proposition (i.e. what he wants from the negotiation and why), the greater the opportunity to get what you want by giving him what he’s seeking.

7. They fail to perform negotiation postmortems

There’s a richness of knowledge in performing a negotiation postmortem. You can gather insights into what occurred compared to what you thought would occur. From those insights, you can learn greater negotiation skills and become a better negotiator.

When negotiating, always beware of the 7 most deadly mistakes that negotiators make. If you avoid these mistakes, your reward will display itself in more winning and easier negotiations … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating! 

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com 

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.TheMasterNegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#Mistakes  #Fight #Negativity #cyber, cyberbullying #Management #SmallBusiness #Money #Negotiating #combat #negotiatingwithabully #bully #bullies #bullying #Negotiations #PersonalDevelopment #HandlingObjections #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #NegotiationPsychology

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Lie To Me, Please

“Alternative facts are aversions to the truth, to the degree that the truth remains concealed.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“Okay. If you say that wasn’t you, I’ll believe you. Just know, the person I saw from 15 feet away looked just like you. Even more, when I called your name, the person that wasn’t you turned around, saw me, and hurriedly left the area. As that person scurried away, they walked like you, too.”

Do you know why some people will allow others to lie to them, accept the lie, and be okay doing so? The answer lies in one’s current circumstances and the environment they’re in.

1. Some people will subjugate themselves because of their circumstances (e.g. the liar is the one that pays the bills, earns the money in the relationship, is dominant in the relationship, etc.)

2. They do so for the better good of others that are involved.

3. In other cases, the target of the lie wants to be perceived as fitting into the norms of the group they belong to; to do otherwise might mean expulsion from the group.

4. In yet other situations, it’s easier for some people to accept an altered reality because the truth would hurt too badly (e.g. I can’t believe they’d do that to me. It must not be true.)

5. Some people may go along for a while to see what a liar will do next.

Here’s the point. We’re all driven by our emotions. Thus, our emotions will lend insight into what we’re willing to believe and accept. It’s not until that belief is too heavy a burden to bear that we change our beliefs about others and ourselves. That’s when we’ll take our life in a new direction.

Always be aware of why someone possesses certain beliefs. Having that insight will allow you to understand the person’s source of motivation and thinking. That will also allow you to better assist that individual in determining what reality really is. You’ll be able to use that to benefit yourself and them … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

In a negotiation, there will be times when you sense that the other negotiator is lying. You may gather such sensations from the manner that the opposing negotiator conveys certain sentiments via their body language (e.g. leaning away when defining a statement as the truth, altering the pitch of their voice while constantly looking away from you when doing so, fidgeting with other items in their proximity).

In such situations, it may behoove you to allow the liar to continue his lies to understand the characteristics of the person you’re dealing with. You may also do so if he’s telling little white lies so as not to embarrass him. Then, when that position no longer serves you, consider confronting him to validate his perception of the truth versus what he professes it to be.

Always remember, people will only do to you what you allow them to do. That means you have a degree of control in every environment you’re in. When it comes to dealing with those that lie incessantly, recognize them for who and what they are and deal with them appropriately.

Remember, you’re always negotiating! 

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

 To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#Business #SmallBusiness #Negotiation #NegotiatingWithABully #Power #Perception #emotionalcontrol #relationships #liars #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Investing Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

How to Combat Bullies That Use Disinformation When Negotiating

“The difference between disinformation and a lie is the degree that one doesn’t want to disclose the truth.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“He said there were four other companies competing for the contract. He told us that we’d better submit a very low bid if we wanted to be the winner. Later, I discovered there were no other companies bidding. He used disinformation to get us to lower our bid.” That was the information disclosed in a debriefing session after members from an organization had engaged in what they thought was a negotiation opportunity to acquire additional business.

Bullies use disinformation in negotiations to enhance their negotiation position; this can be anyone in a perceived position of authority, be they in that position for a short or long-term. Some people label disinformation as lying. The difference between the two is the severity with which the bully wishes to keep you uninformed via the information he delivers to you. It’s very important to confront the bully when you become aware that he’s using disinformation tactics because, if you don’t confront him, you lay yourself bare to more deceit.

Here’s how you can confront, combat, and conquer a bully that utilizes the tactics of disinformation in your negotiations.

Confront

First, identify why the bully is using disinformation as a tactic. Understand what he’s attempting to conceal and what he believes he’ll achieve by doing so.

Once you have a handle on what you believe his intent is, verify your assumptions by confronting him with them. Note how he responds to your queries. While misinformation (i.e. he’s misinformed) can be thought of as him possessing unintended callousness, disinformation is more strategic. In using disinformation, the bully is signaling that he’s going to be more devious in dealing with you.

Combat

One way to combat a bully that employs the tactic of disinformation is to use the tactic on him. It’s even better if he knows that you’re using it. You can state to him that you’re doing so because, if he’s not going to be forthright, then you won’t be either. You can adopt a stern body posture/image to enhance your message. Just be aware that this may take the negotiation into a territory fraught with angst. Thus, you should weigh the degree that you combat him against the possibility of completely alienating him.

Conquer

To conquer the opposing negotiator that’s using this ploy, be prepared to combat him until he relinquishes its use. That may require using leverage to ‘out’ him to others about his usage, along with stating that you won’t allow yourself to be treated in such a manner. It may also require that you threaten to end the negotiation if he persists. Recognize that you’re playing hardball at that time and to win, you may have to get bloodied and/or dirty.

Negotiating with someone that uses disinformation as his ally can be a vexing proposition. The better you can identify this tactic, and the reason it’s being employed against you, the faster you’ll be able to address it. That will help you determine how and to what degree to continue in the negotiation … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating! 

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.TheMasterNegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#UseDisinformation #disinformation #combat #negotiatingwithabully #bully #bullies #bullying #Negotiations #PersonalDevelopment #HandlingObjections #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #NegotiationPsychology

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Ever Been Bullied? It Could Be Your Fault!

Wait, before you start sending hate mail, please hear me out.  As someone who was bullied for years, I learned to cope with the humiliation and despair, but always felt there was something “wrong” with me.  When other people wanted to make me feel better they would almost always say the same thing, “Oh honey, there is nothing wrong with you, those kids are just mean…it’s not your fault…they are jealous of you.”  I was a sweet and loving kid that would never do anything to hurt someone.  So, it was easy to understand that it wasn’t my fault, but it was much harder for me to believe there wasn’t something wrong with me.  Oh, and jealous?  Jealous of what??  Jealous of feeling less?  Jealous of feeling ugly and rejected?  Jealous of being laughed at by bystanders that watched and did nothing?  Jealous of being scared out of my wits to go on the playground every day?  That statement “they’re just jealous of you” was just a straight up lie!  Don’t ever say that to someone being bullied!

If you have ever been bullied, you understand what I am talking about right now.  You didn’t want to hear another rousing encouragement attempt, no matter how sweet it is that they tried.  You wanted to know what was wrong with you that would make people treat you that way!  Well, I am here to tell you that there was, and maybe IS, something wrong with you that is causing all the bullying, but it may not be what you think.

Look at your life and ask yourself if the same type of people keep showing up.  I am going to share some traits and see if this describes those people that seem to latch on to you.

  • Has no patience with “stupid” people and at times tries to make you feel stupid
  • May complain about a clumsy waitress and be rude when not waited upon properly
  • Always finds a way to bring the conversation back to themselves
  • Has a constant need to be admired and respected, almost demanding of it
  • They don’t seem to have any kind of empathy toward “weaker” people
  • Always must be right and has a very difficult time believing they are wrong
  • Must always be the center of attention and can be quite charming

Think through your life and imagine the people that bullied you.  Did they have any of these traits?  Can you identify anyone in your life that you are currently dealing with that meets more than a few of these traits?

Now I want to ask you about your own personal traits.  Do you have any of the following traits?

  • Get overwhelmed when there are a lot of people around you
  • If there is someone angry in the room, you feel like any minute it will be turned toward you
  • When talking with someone new, you feel like they are going to “figure you out?”, so you keep a wall up and feel awkward
  • When you are around sad people, you can feel yourself getting depressed yourself
  • It is difficult for you to watch someone doing something embarrassing and you can feel panicked for them

Now, I know that I can’t fix everyone’s issues with this article, but what I hope to do is send you on a journey of understanding.  I believe that if you can put all the pieces together, life could begin to make more sense to you.  Even if you have never been bullied before, what I am about to share could change your life!

Every single one of us, broken down to our smallest particle, is made of energy.  We learned it in science class as an elementary student.  Protons, neutrons, electrons, you remember those elements, don’t you?  You and I are made of these elements.  It has been proven scientifically that even our thoughts have energy.  It can be physically measured!  Now I am going to share a term that you may or may not have heard of that has gotten a lot of attention over the last ten years.  It is called The Law of Attraction and it was brought into the light by a cheesy movie called “The Secret”.  It was mainly focused on getting rich and learning to get everything you ever dreamed of by simply thinking of it and feeling strongly about it as you thought about it.  That is the simple message, but most people think it’s a bunch of bull and would never stick with it long enough to see anything come to pass as the movie would suggest.  If it was true that we could just think it and it will happen, then everyone would win the lottery, be driving Lamborghinis, and be on the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous!  Right?  Well, even though there are a lot of holes in the movie, the Law of Attraction has merit and is worth looking deeper into to gain understanding of the world around us.

So, back to bullying and how it could be your fault.  The traits we identified earlier are the traits of people on opposite ends of the energy spectrum.  The first guy, who always must be respected and admired and seems to have no empathy toward others, is considered a “narcissist” or someone with narcissistic tendencies.  The second guy, who is uncomfortable around lots of people or becomes panicked when someone else is being embarrassed or harassed is called an “Empath” or “highly sensitive”.  People can fall anywhere on the energy scale, but the two described above are the extremes on both ends.  If you are a Sci-Fi nerd like me, it can be looked at as “the dark side” or “the force”.  Those that are on the dark side can appear to be good, but the energy they draw from is extremely negative and self-serving.  Those who have the force has potential for great power for good in the world and have an almost magical sense of feeling the energies around them.  Unfortunately, like in Star Wars, people who once were driven by the force can turn to the dark side when they are overwhelmed by the negative energy.  They can become cynical, negative, and hateful, even though they hold the power to be extremely positive and lift up the people around them.  Once the force is understood and these empaths begin to control it, they can become the light in the room instead of feeling awkward.  They can instantly feel the pain the people around them are feeling and pull them out of the darkness!

So what does this have to do with bullying?  I believe that most children that are being bullied are those meant to bring good to the world.  They have a special gift that God gave them that is not only extremely special, but can be used to bring about amazing change to the world around them!  When told “it isn’t your fault”, they know intuitively that this response is not exactly true.  While they can reason that they haven’t done anything to bring it on, they know that something is wrong with them and it is happening because of them.  It took me years to put the pieces together and understand the power I have and the reasons why I was bullied as a child and felt so uncomfortable around people.  I didn’t understand that I was special or had any kind of power.  I somehow had the ability to allow the bullying to “pass through me” and still love the person doing the bullying, but it still played havoc on my mind.  I still didn’t understand why!  There were times growing up that I was confident and felt the power, but as soon as I felt like something good was happening, it would be squashed by someone attacking me and throwing negativity on me.  I felt many times like a wounded dog about to be torn apart by the pack.  So, I learned to become numb and allow people to treat me badly, but cope with it.  My power for doing good was kept within the walls of my identity as a person not allowed to become happy.

If you have ever been bullied, then you are probably identifying with me right now.  That is a good thing, because I am here to tell you that you have something very special that needs to be understood and cultivated.  You have an ability to do great good and the reason all of this has been happening to you is because you draw people from the opposite end of the spectrum into your life.  These narcissists lack empathy and it is true that opposites attract in this case.  They love to attach themselves to you in some way to literally draw the energy out of you!  They want to make you feel less, so they can feel superior!

Can you see it?  I don’t know where you are in your life right now, but I am imagining that the people reading this article will range from those who were never bullied that are angry at my title to those that were intrigued or maybe even excited that somebody finally said it.  You may have already been pulled over to the dark side and feel like you have already completely lost your mind.  To this person I want to say that it is not too late to stop being controlled by the negativity that bombarded you and continues to be drawn into your life.  The great thing about the Law of Attraction is that you can choose to end the negativity and start moving in the other direction.  You can learn to remove those thought patterns that keep drawing more junk into your life and start seeing a brighter future.  It won’t happen overnight as the movie might suggest, but if you build one block at a time and realize how special you are, then it can happen over time.  For some, it may happen very quickly and you will learn to walk freely in your newly found power!

If this article is resonating with you, then I would encourage you to study The Law of Attraction and the personalities on the energy spectrum.  Specifically study the “Empath” and the “Narcissist” and allow God to direct you back into what He intended for you.  Although you may not know what it is yet, I can tell you without question that you have a great purpose to change the world around you in a positive way.  Like Luke Skywalker, you will bring balance to the force and maybe even free a Darth Vader or two!

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Your Mind Has Been Primed

“Like priming for paint, future actions are primed by the past.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Consider this – for the next 20 seconds, think about a time when you were most happy in your life. Please, do it!

Okay, did you do it? Did you think about a time when you were most happy in your life? If you did, now I’d like you to think about someone that you had a recent dispute with, someone that angered you. Is the image of that occasion duller than it was prior to thinking of a happier time? If it wasn’t, you need to learn how to let go of things that cause you angst. You’re only hurting yourself by hanging on to hurtful thoughts. If the memory of the spat you had with someone recently subsided, even if it’s just a smidgen, you were primed by the happy thought you engaged in before recalling that negative situation.

So, what does this mean? It means, when you have pleasant thoughts about past occurrences, the thoughts that follow do not appear to be as harsh. Of course, with the passage of time, your mind will gravitate back to what’s normal for it, related to how you view things that occur in your life. But, that also means that you can control how you view such occurrences. Thus, if you choose to prime your mind with thoughts of happier times, you can choose how you react to everything that occurs to you.

Priming your mind is the door through which you can choose to move in a more positive direction in life. It can also be used to highlight the negative aspects of your life, if you choose not to be positive. The point is, the choice is always yours.

I don’t wish to oversimplify this concept, but it really is simple. You have the power to choose how you feel and how you’ll react to everything that happens to you. Realize that power, control that power, use that power in a positive manner … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations? 

In a negotiation, your mind is primed by what has occurred in prior negotiations that you’ve been a party to. Realize that as a fact and be mindful of the prejudices you possess going into the negotiation. Plus, if you wish the other negotiator to be in a more pleasant state of mind, prime him with positive thoughts about his past before entering into parts of the negotiation that might be fraught with potential peril.

Engaging in a negotiation with the thought of how you’ll prime yourself, and the other negotiator, will give you greater insight into how you can sidestep potential pitfalls. It will also allow you to be quicker in the avoidance of those pitfalls.

Quick, think about a lucky leprechaun. Did you see a little person in green? Now, think of a number between 1 and 10. Did you think of the number 7? If you did, you displayed to yourself the effects of priming. Most people associate a leprechaun with good luck and someone attired in green. If you didn’t think of a little person in green or the number 7, that’s okay. You think differently than most people. Be aware of that.

Priming works – use it and it will work for you in your negotiations.

Remember, you’re always negotiating! 

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

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Watch Emotional Abuse When Negotiating With A Bully

“Emotional abuse only occurs when you allow the abuser to control you. To defeat him, control his abusive efforts.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

When negotiating with a bully, watch the emotional abuse you incur and mind your responses to it.

Bullies make some people experience an array of feelings in a negotiation. They do so for the pleasure of feeling superior to the other negotiator in an effort to exert their dominance. The emotional feelings they attempt to invoke can range from fear to hate to happiness. Yes, bullies can make you feel happy as the result of relinquishing the pressure they’ve applied to you. That’s another reason why you should monitor your emotions. You want to check them so you can display the proper response, based on your position in the negotiation at particular points. When it comes to watching your emotions take note of the following.

Fear:

Fear can invoke primal actions within you. When fearful, your normal thought process shuts down. Depending on the degree of fear you experience, your body prepares for a fight, flight, or freeze scenario. That deliberation can cause you to be thrown off your negotiation game (i.e. forget the negotiation strategies you’d planned to implement).

When you sense that you’re experiencing fear in a negotiation, note its cause. Consider to what degree its source will devastate you and your future position. The point is, diminish your thoughts of fear by contemplating how you can assuage it before continuing the negotiation, and recognize when it has you in its grips.

Anger:

Anger is another stealer of normal thoughts. It can be stoked by fear, which is also the reason you should control your perspective of fear and ager.

When angered, you can lose your perspective and rationalization. Thus, to negotiate from a mindset of anger will not serve you, it serves the other negotiator, instead.

Therefore, be aware of when the other negotiator is intentionally attempting to gouge you by instilling fear into the negotiation. Also, be mindful of what his attempts might look like before entering the negotiation. This can be accomplished by role-playing ahead of time. Just be mindful of elucidating your mind to how fear might be used against you, and be prepared to thwart such efforts.

Happiness:

Most people seek happiness as a constant state of mind. Our body seeks it too. Thus, when we’re not in a state of happiness, our mind will attempt to guide our actions back towards that state. It will also do ‘things’ to stay in that state, even if those ‘things’ are to our future detriment. It’s because of the latter that you should be hyper-vigilant when you’re in a state of happiness that’s been caused by a bully’s actions. You may not be off the hook. Instead, you may have been unknowingly placed deeper onto one.

To combat a bully’s effort to mentally manipulate you through the use of happiness, understand his motives for doing so. If his efforts don’t serve you, don’t appease him by succumbing to this tactic. Remain stern.

Anyone’s emotions can be strained when negotiating with a bully. Suffice it to say, you should stay on top of your emotions when negotiating with a bully more so than with other types of negotiators. Bullies can invoke extreme passion within you, which is why it’s so important to be mindful. If you’re aware of what can ‘set you off’, and not allow it to cloud your actions or judgment under such circumstances, you’ll be able to think clearer and negotiate better. That alone will give the bully cause for doubt, which means you’ll be turning his tactics against him. Doing so will allow you to maintain greater control in the negotiation … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating! 

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

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