Wait, before you start sending hate mail, please hear me out. As someone who was bullied for years, I learned to cope with the humiliation and despair, but always felt there was something “wrong” with me. When other people wanted to make me feel better they would almost always say the same thing, “Oh honey, there is nothing wrong with you, those kids are just mean…it’s not your fault…they are jealous of you.” I was a sweet and loving kid that would never do anything to hurt someone. So, it was easy to understand that it wasn’t my fault, but it was much harder for me to believe there wasn’t something wrong with me. Oh, and jealous? Jealous of what?? Jealous of feeling less? Jealous of feeling ugly and rejected? Jealous of being laughed at by bystanders that watched and did nothing? Jealous of being scared out of my wits to go on the playground every day? That statement “they’re just jealous of you” was just a straight up lie! Don’t ever say that to someone being bullied!
If you have ever been bullied, you understand what I am talking about right now. You didn’t want to hear another rousing encouragement attempt, no matter how sweet it is that they tried. You wanted to know what was wrong with you that would make people treat you that way! Well, I am here to tell you that there was, and maybe IS, something wrong with you that is causing all the bullying, but it may not be what you think.
Look at your life and ask yourself if the same type of people keep showing up. I am going to share some traits and see if this describes those people that seem to latch on to you.
- Has no patience with “stupid” people and at times tries to make you feel stupid
- May complain about a clumsy waitress and be rude when not waited upon properly
- Always finds a way to bring the conversation back to themselves
- Has a constant need to be admired and respected, almost demanding of it
- They don’t seem to have any kind of empathy toward “weaker” people
- Always must be right and has a very difficult time believing they are wrong
- Must always be the center of attention and can be quite charming
Think through your life and imagine the people that bullied you. Did they have any of these traits? Can you identify anyone in your life that you are currently dealing with that meets more than a few of these traits?
Now I want to ask you about your own personal traits. Do you have any of the following traits?
- Get overwhelmed when there are a lot of people around you
- If there is someone angry in the room, you feel like any minute it will be turned toward you
- When talking with someone new, you feel like they are going to “figure you out?”, so you keep a wall up and feel awkward
- When you are around sad people, you can feel yourself getting depressed yourself
- It is difficult for you to watch someone doing something embarrassing and you can feel panicked for them
Now, I know that I can’t fix everyone’s issues with this article, but what I hope to do is send you on a journey of understanding. I believe that if you can put all the pieces together, life could begin to make more sense to you. Even if you have never been bullied before, what I am about to share could change your life!
Every single one of us, broken down to our smallest particle, is made of energy. We learned it in science class as an elementary student. Protons, neutrons, electrons, you remember those elements, don’t you? You and I are made of these elements. It has been proven scientifically that even our thoughts have energy. It can be physically measured! Now I am going to share a term that you may or may not have heard of that has gotten a lot of attention over the last ten years. It is called The Law of Attraction and it was brought into the light by a cheesy movie called “The Secret”. It was mainly focused on getting rich and learning to get everything you ever dreamed of by simply thinking of it and feeling strongly about it as you thought about it. That is the simple message, but most people think it’s a bunch of bull and would never stick with it long enough to see anything come to pass as the movie would suggest. If it was true that we could just think it and it will happen, then everyone would win the lottery, be driving Lamborghinis, and be on the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous! Right? Well, even though there are a lot of holes in the movie, the Law of Attraction has merit and is worth looking deeper into to gain understanding of the world around us.
So, back to bullying and how it could be your fault. The traits we identified earlier are the traits of people on opposite ends of the energy spectrum. The first guy, who always must be respected and admired and seems to have no empathy toward others, is considered a “narcissist” or someone with narcissistic tendencies. The second guy, who is uncomfortable around lots of people or becomes panicked when someone else is being embarrassed or harassed is called an “Empath” or “highly sensitive”. People can fall anywhere on the energy scale, but the two described above are the extremes on both ends. If you are a Sci-Fi nerd like me, it can be looked at as “the dark side” or “the force”. Those that are on the dark side can appear to be good, but the energy they draw from is extremely negative and self-serving. Those who have the force has potential for great power for good in the world and have an almost magical sense of feeling the energies around them. Unfortunately, like in Star Wars, people who once were driven by the force can turn to the dark side when they are overwhelmed by the negative energy. They can become cynical, negative, and hateful, even though they hold the power to be extremely positive and lift up the people around them. Once the force is understood and these empaths begin to control it, they can become the light in the room instead of feeling awkward. They can instantly feel the pain the people around them are feeling and pull them out of the darkness!
So what does this have to do with bullying? I believe that most children that are being bullied are those meant to bring good to the world. They have a special gift that God gave them that is not only extremely special, but can be used to bring about amazing change to the world around them! When told “it isn’t your fault”, they know intuitively that this response is not exactly true. While they can reason that they haven’t done anything to bring it on, they know that something is wrong with them and it is happening because of them. It took me years to put the pieces together and understand the power I have and the reasons why I was bullied as a child and felt so uncomfortable around people. I didn’t understand that I was special or had any kind of power. I somehow had the ability to allow the bullying to “pass through me” and still love the person doing the bullying, but it still played havoc on my mind. I still didn’t understand why! There were times growing up that I was confident and felt the power, but as soon as I felt like something good was happening, it would be squashed by someone attacking me and throwing negativity on me. I felt many times like a wounded dog about to be torn apart by the pack. So, I learned to become numb and allow people to treat me badly, but cope with it. My power for doing good was kept within the walls of my identity as a person not allowed to become happy.
If you have ever been bullied, then you are probably identifying with me right now. That is a good thing, because I am here to tell you that you have something very special that needs to be understood and cultivated. You have an ability to do great good and the reason all of this has been happening to you is because you draw people from the opposite end of the spectrum into your life. These narcissists lack empathy and it is true that opposites attract in this case. They love to attach themselves to you in some way to literally draw the energy out of you! They want to make you feel less, so they can feel superior!
Can you see it? I don’t know where you are in your life right now, but I am imagining that the people reading this article will range from those who were never bullied that are angry at my title to those that were intrigued or maybe even excited that somebody finally said it. You may have already been pulled over to the dark side and feel like you have already completely lost your mind. To this person I want to say that it is not too late to stop being controlled by the negativity that bombarded you and continues to be drawn into your life. The great thing about the Law of Attraction is that you can choose to end the negativity and start moving in the other direction. You can learn to remove those thought patterns that keep drawing more junk into your life and start seeing a brighter future. It won’t happen overnight as the movie might suggest, but if you build one block at a time and realize how special you are, then it can happen over time. For some, it may happen very quickly and you will learn to walk freely in your newly found power!
If this article is resonating with you, then I would encourage you to study The Law of Attraction and the personalities on the energy spectrum. Specifically study the “Empath” and the “Narcissist” and allow God to direct you back into what He intended for you. Although you may not know what it is yet, I can tell you without question that you have a great purpose to change the world around you in a positive way. Like Luke Skywalker, you will bring balance to the force and maybe even free a Darth Vader or two!