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Know When Good Enough Is Good Enough

“To avoid ‘good enough’ from being supplanted by sorrow. Know where ‘good enough’ resides, in relationship to despair.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“I hit the mark!” “No, you didn’t hit the mark!” “Well, we won! So, I hit enough of it and that was good enough!”

That was a snippet of a conversation held between two associates. In essence, they were discussing to what degree they’d accomplished their goal, versus if they accomplished enough of it to consider the outcome a win.

In everyday life, our mind is bombarded with hordes of information; a lot of that is sheltered from our state of consciousness to protect us from information overload. One way to be more productive, while also maintaining a more even-keeled life, is to know when good enough is good enough.

When it comes to outcomes sought, we must always be mindful of the law of diminishing returns. That law states, at some point the degree of effort you put into maximizing the acquisition of a goal or opportunity, that effort becomes diminished per the time and resources you put forth to do so. Thus, in order to maximize the time and effort you put into achieving a goal or opportunity, you should set parameters that indicate your proximity to a point of diminishing return. To do otherwise could mean that you lose a degree of productivity, along with a mental, more peaceful state of mind. The latter will lead to more stress in your life, which could lead you into a vicious downward spiraling stream.

What does this have to do with negotiations? 

To win more negotiations, you have to know when ‘good enough’ is good enough. Don’t become overly transfixed on squeezing every little bit of gain out of a negotiation. Doing that could lead to the forfeit of some of the gains you’ve achieved.

As in everyday life, in a negotiation, set parameters that indicate when you’ve reached a ‘good enough’ point. In a negotiation that indicator can be enacted by bracketing your expected outcome (e.g. high point, mid-point, low point).

If you find yourself transitioning from the mid-point of your expected outcome into the high point, that’s the time to become more aware of what’s occurring in the negotiation (i.e. noting the demeanor of the other negotiator and the temperature of the negotiation). Taking those factors into consideration when assessing to what degree you should move forward will allow you to make such a judgment without the evaluation process that might otherwise be required.

If you use these thoughts to capture the essence of the outcome you seek to achieve in your negotiations, you’ll keep more of the gains you acquire … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember you’re always negotiating! 

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#GoodEnough #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions #Psychology #Perception #ControlLife #Control #leadership #HowToImproveyourself #Achievement

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How To Address Objections In A Negotiation

“Objections are used in an attempt to see what one can obtain. Before addressing objections know what you want and what you’re willing to forgo to acquire what you need.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

I’ve addressed hundreds of thousands of objections over the course of my negotiation career. Objections should be addressed with the mindset of information gathered about the party with whom you’re negotiating; that includes silent partners that are not at the negotiation table, foils that might be aligned with your negotiation opponent to perform nefarious functions, the demeanor of the negotiator(s), and the culture of the negotiator’s organization. Such insights, along with reading one’s body language, will lend credence to the validity and viability of the person making objections during a negotiation. That, in turn, will allow you to discern how important an objection is, versus it being a possible ploy, created to distract you from something that is more beneficial to your position.

Handling Objections:

Before addressing objections, always be aware of the attempts of others on the opposing negotiator’s team to hype them; remember, these attempts could stem from people that are not at the negotiation table. Hyping objections can be in the form of giving them the appearance of being more valuable or dire than they are, for the purpose of gaining insight into how you might react to such attempts. Keeping that in mind, follow the steps below when addressing objections in your negotiations.

1. When the first objection is posed, assess its veracity to determine if you should address it at all. If the other negotiator insists upon having it addressed, note his body language before proceeding to the next step. In particular, you should observe if he looks directly at you with a smile or scowl, if he looks through you as though he’s in a daze, or if he makes such a request in a timid manner. In all such cases, appraise the degree to which any of these gestures might be ploys.

a.) Looking directly at you is a sign that he’s focused. A smile can indicate that he wants to convey a friendly/casual perspective. A scowl may be an indication of a more serious projection and/or one to set the stage to take his request more seriously.

b.) Looking through you in a daze could imply that his mind is somewhere else and the fact that he’s testing you as a ploy.

c.) Making the request in a timid manner could belie the fact that he doesn’t possess a strong demeanor. He might also be examining you to see if you’ll attempt to take advantage of his docile demeanor.

2. Ask the other negotiator to cite all of his objections. Your goal is to get them out in the open. Do this by requesting what else he’s concerned about. If warranted, have him detail why he thinks his objections are valid. Observe hidden insights gleaned from his body language and nonverbal signals, as mentioned in step 1. By doing this, you’ll gain a sense of direction he has for the negotiation.

3. Once you’ve garnered enough insights about the purpose and value he has for citing his objections, have him prioritize them. Then, address one that’s lower on his priority list to see if that has more weight than disclosed. Couple this tactic with the outcome you seek for the negotiation. Continue this process to the successful conclusion of the negotiation.

In any negotiation, you should know what you’re dealing with before you attempt to deal with it. Such is the case when dealing with objections. Thus, by implementing the suggestions above, you’ll be better positioned to keep in check those objections intended to dissuade your attention from what’s more important. That, in turn, will allow you to be more laser focused on addressing the real objections that will impact the negotiation … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#HandlingObjections #negotiations #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #CombatDisinformation #hardpower #HowToHandleObjections

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Why Head Nodding Is Really Powerful In A Negotiation

“Head nodding is a psychological way to get people to agree with you. If you know when and how to nod your head others will agree with you more often.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“ … I didn’t realize it at the time, but his head nodding really affected me during the negotiation. I almost felt like I was hypnotized.” That’s the power of head nodding in a #negotiation.

If used right, head nodding can be a really powerful gesture in a negotiation. If used excessively, it can give the appearance of a know-it-all that knows a lot about nothing but thinks he does; that could give the impression that the person doing the nodding is self-centered, egotistical or a BS artist.

Continue reading to discover why, if done right, head nodding in a negotiation is such a powerful ploy to employ in a negotiation.

Head Nodding Implication:

When you’re engaged in a negotiation, nodding your head as you make a pronouncement lends credence to what you’re conveying. The subliminal message that’s conveyed is, I really believe what I’m saying is true, and I’m committed to my statements. Your challenge is to dissect when the real truth is reality, versus the other negotiator attempting to convince you that what he’s saying is reality.

Right Way To Use Head Nodding:

The best way to promote this gesture is to smile and maintain eye contact with the other negotiator as you’re speaking. To enhance the effect, pause for 1 second as your speaking to denote something important is about to be said. Then, as you make that pronouncement, nod your head to emphasize the point. The combination of the head gesture, smiling and maintaining eye contact as you deliver your statement will have a hypnotic effect on the person with whom you’re speaking.

It’s also worth noting that people who are aligned with what you’re saying when you display a head nod will tend to nod back at you. Their gesture not only serves as confirmation that they agree with you, at that moment, they’re also allowing you to lead them. Thus, it behooves you to observe to what degree your negotiation companion nods in return to your head nodding.

Wrong Way To Use Head Nodding:

Nodding excessively will dilute the emphasis that such a gesture has during a negotiation. Therefore, don’t nod too frequently. Doing so could cause the other negotiator to nod off, which means he’ll pay no attention to your nodding gestures. Another thing to consider is what words you choose to emphasize when making this gesture. If the action is synchronized with the wrong word(s), you could end up shifting the perception of what’s important. In that case, you’d have your negotiation counterpart psychologically wondering exactly what you’re attempting to convey and where you’re headed.

A lot of information is conveyed through the gesture of head nodding. Be mindful that good negotiators may attempt to use this gesture as a tactic to assess to what degree, and when, you might follow their lead. Thus, you must be alert to the way you respond to such action; your reaction or lack of will emit a signal that can be used as a gauge by the other negotiator.

If you want to enhance your believability during a negotiation, nod when making statements that you want others to believe in. That simple gesture, accompanied by strong eye contact and a smile while delivering your message, will enhance your negotiation efforts … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#NegotiatingWithABully #Bullying #Bully #negotiations #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #CombatDisinformation #hardpower

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How To Make Powerful Heart Gestures In A Negotiation

“When it comes to matters of the heart, nothing will matter unless you control the emotions that creep from your heart.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“… and he had the audacity to touch his heart with the back of his hand.”

Where body language is concerned in a negotiation, heart gestures are powerful moves because they’re supposed to connote sincerity. When done correctly, they suggest that the purveyor is being honest and forthright. Here’s the rub. Good negotiators are aware of the potency of this gesture. Some use it to feign sincerity when nothing could be further from the truth.

This article contrasts some of the differences between heart gestures in a negotiation. It also highlights how you can make powerful heart gesture moves when you’re negotiating. If you want to increase your negotiation abilities, take note.

  1. Suspect Heart Gestures:

a. Quick hand movement (hands move towards the heart and then quickly moves away – possibly denoting a quick feeling of emotion/sincerity) Note the point that action occurs to discern the degree of sincerity. If done excessively, an attempt to feign sincerity could be afoot.

b. Non-synchronized hand movement – (hand moves towards heart but not at the pace of speech – denotes lack of sincerity) Speech and body movement are synchronized. A lack of synchronization indicates a lack of forthrightness.

c. Backhanded movement – (more than likely a feigning attempt to nefariously engage you emotionally) This is an unnatural move. The more it’s done, the greater the probability that this trickster negotiator is using this move to solicit your emotions for his dastardly deeds.

  1. Powerful Heart Gestures:

a. Quick hand movement (hands move towards the heart and maintains position for several moments – used to convey surprise or hurt feelings) To add emphasis, lean towards the other negotiator when projecting this action.

b. Synchronized hand movement – (hand moves towards heart at the pace of speech – denotes sincerity) This movement, while capable of being feigned, is more likely a reflection of true emotions being displayed.

c. Hand(s) cupped near the heart – (Attempting to keep one’s emotions in check) Observe the length of time this gesture is maintained. To embolden this move, allow your eyes to become glazed or uncircumspective. This will add to the validity of this gesture.

When engaged in a negotiation, take note of when a negotiator touches his heart and the number of times that he does so. Use this to establish your baseline of how and when, and under what circumstances, you’ll employ this gesture. The purpose of doing so is to become mentally reflective of the other negotiator’s actions. Once you enact your gestures using the intervals that he displayed, your gestures will appear to be more genuine to him.

The heart has been romanticized as the stimuli of our emotional being. To convey your emotional sincerity, let your emotions flow freely when it serves you to do so. If you’re negotiating with someone of like-mindedness, your heart gestures will be heartfelt. They’ll be noted subliminally on the subconsciousness of the other negotiator, if not on a conscious level. That will tend to endear you to her, which will make the negotiation flow less obstructively … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#HeartGestures #NegotiatingWithABully #Bullying #Bully #negotiations #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #PowerNegotiation

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Focus Outward Rather Than Inward … 4 Steps to Adapting to Your Listeners Why

Watch Focus Outward Rather Than Inward … 4 Steps to Adapting to Your Listeners Why

Another strong distinction between a good and influence communicator is your ability to adapt on the fly without ever skipping a beat.

An influential communicator has the ability to pay close attention to what is happening between them and their listener and adapt to that person’s style, expectations and their WHY.

Avoid getting caught up in your own dialogue missing the opportunity to adapt to your listener’s WHY.  Learn the 4 immediate steps you can Take Action on Today!

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The Best Way To Be a Good Bully Negotiator

“All forms of bullying are not bad. A good bully that defeats a bad bully is good.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

When you think of bullying in a negotiation, what comes to mind? Do you think of one person using abusive language spewing contempt, or an abundant display of irreverent condescension on behalf of both parties towards the other? In either case or if you didn’t think of either case, you’re right. Bullying in life and in negotiations is open to interpretation. That being the case, there’s a scenario for the role of a good bully in every negotiation. If projected right, the role of a good bully may be laced in the disguise of a savior.

Here’s how you can combat a bad bully by portraying the part of a good bully.

1. The first thing you need to appraise is to what degree the opposing negotiator will display belligerence or other forms of bullying. That’s essential because that will determine how you’ll position yourself.

2. Assess the possible bullying tactics the other negotiator might attempt to use on you (i.e. intimidation, humiliation, other). The better you can accurately assess the bullying tactics he’ll use the better you can prepare to combat them.

3. Determine which ploy, or set of tactics you’ll employ to contest the bully’s bullying efforts against you. They can be any combination of the following ruses.

4. Passive aggressiveness – I recall a time when I was on a plane and asked the flight attendant for another snack. She looked menacingly at me with a smile on her face, leaned closer, and said, no. She quickly turned and walked away. I was left befuddled, wondering what had just occurred.

When dealing with a bully, you can be passively aggressive by portraying the part of a hard-nosed negotiator while presenting a pleasant demeanor. That will most likely cause the other negotiator to wonder what he’s dealing with. In that time, you can further assess the value this subterfuge is having on him. Continue using it and/or mixing it with the following as long as it has value.

5. Display defiance and compassion – Bullies test your resolve to discover exactly what you’ll allow them to do to you. If during such travails you display defiance and compassion you’ll cause them consternation. They’ll be miffed about how to deal with you. That should make them revert to their prominent form of domination. Once they’ve shown you that, border your actions between an affray and serenity. Let such match his demeanor.

6. Be manic (i.e. I must be off my meds) – Have you ever noticed how most sane people will tend to veer away from someone that acts in a non-rational manner? That’s because someone that’s manic is unpredictable. Unpredictability leads to unsureness and that leads to confusion. If a bad bully doesn’t know what to do in a negotiation, he’ll begin to drop his bullying ways and start to acquiesce to your demands. In part, he may do so because he just wants to conclude the negotiation as quickly as possible and get away from you.

7. Switch positions and character constantly – To protract and enhance the manic ploy, switch your negotiation position and character throughout the negotiation. Abide by one thing and then change it when such suits you. It will add to the allure of the perception that “you’re not all there”, which will further serve to confound your opponent.

The role of a good bully truly has a part in any negotiation. While some may call it by another name, know that it’s a role you can partake in to win more negotiations … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#NegotiatingWithABully #Bullying #Bully #negotiations #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology

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Do You Dance Between the Raindrops?

“The appearance of rain is soothing for some and cursed by others. When rain occurs in your life, define its purpose and use it to your advantage.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Into everyone’s life, some rain must fall.

Some people fret when it rains. They perceive it as a disruption to their normal flow. Such people become deterred from engaging in activities that might otherwise bring opportunities and/or advantages to their endeavors. Through their incumbered mind, they become less mobile. Others dance between the raindrops. They go about their activities with an enhanced sense of purpose. Which one are you?

In this case, raindrops are a metaphor for the unexpected occurrences that happen in life, those occurrences that we’d not planned for or had little anticipation of there eminent appearance. The way you deal with such situations will determine the level of happiness you experience, your perception of how successful you are, and the stability of your mental state of mind.

The point is, raindrops will occur in everyone’s life. It’s the way they perceive such situations that will determine how they interact with those situations. Thus, if you want to achieve more in life, if you want more out of life, if you want to control more of what occurs in your life, learn to dance between the raindrops (i.e. view things from a positive versus negative perspective) … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

Raindrops (i.e. unanticipated/unplanned occurrences) occur in most negotiations of substance. If you’re not mentally prepared to address them, you can find yourself digging deeper into a hole of despair into which the waters of despair will populate. That will make the situation worse for you because you’ll start to feel besieged by what may seem to be a barrage of overwhelming activities that you can’t or don’t want to recover from. Obviously, that will put you at a disadvantage in the negotiation.

When you feel the barrage of offers/counteroffers begin to overwhelm you, stop the rain; get out of the environment or find something to buffer your perception.

Here’s what you should remember. You can stop the rain by changing your perception of what’s occurring. That will be the start of what’s really occurring (i.e. your reality is what you perceive it to be). Once you do that, you’ll be able to view what’s occurring from a perspective that’s not so debilitating. Psychologically, that will also allow the endorphins to flow that will give you a mental uptick. That will lead to you becoming a more formidable negotiator.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions #Psychology #Perception #rejection #leadership #HowToImproveYourself

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Are You Talking Too Much?

“Talk less and you could learn more. Talk more and you could end up not knowing what’s being talked about at all.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

You talk too much! That could be the thought of someone you converse with. It would mean that you don’t allow that person to exchange her ideas in the conversation, turning what could be a monolog into a dialog. Not only would your actions indicate that what she’s attempting to say is not important, it also states that you believe what you’re saying is so important that it doesn’t require additional input. That can be a serious turnoff when attempting to exchange information. It becomes a more serious problem when two people are in a relationship. Such behavior can be the slow march to the uncoupling of the relationship.

When you’re really interested in someone, display that interest in the way you communicate. That should be done verbally and nonverbally. The nonverbal display can be made by the nodding of your head at appropriate moments, and/or even the sound of a grunt; just be cautious that a grunt is not perceived as a negative disagreement if that’s not your intent.

In order to communicate more effectively with others, you must display the ability to let the other person feel that you’re being attentive to what they’re saying. To do less than that demeans the other person and places you on a pedestal, from which it may be difficult to descend. Even if you do descend, you may have lost the opportunity to gain greater insight per how that person thinks, which could lead to the loss of greater insight from which you could think on a broader perspective.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

When negotiating, the person that speaks the most will tend to give away his negotiation position, and information that might better be kept undisclosed. That information may also be used against him. That’s one reason why good negotiators will ask follow up questions, while great negotiators will answer a question with a question; it’s the latter’s attempt to gather more information.

When engaging in a negotiation, be an astute listener. Listen to what’s said, how it’s said, and listen for what’s missing. Don’t over talk the other negotiator and don’t be so gabby that you miss the opportunity to gather more information. Once you’re adept at listening more and talking less, the more you’ll be able to see and hear what you’re missing in the negotiation. You’ll be able to magically see the other negotiator through a brighter light of transparency. That will leave you in a very powerful negotiation position … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions #Psychology #Perception #rejection #leadership #HowToImproveYourself #Bully

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What You Need to Know About Negotiation Fallacy Dilemmas

“Fallacy dilemmas are only dilemmas to the degree that you allow them life. Test them and you’ll determine to what degree they live.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

When negotiating, you should always be aware of fallacy dilemmas. In a negotiation, fallacy dilemmas are offers presented as either/or propositions, whose propositions are opposite one another. They’re presented in such a manner that they seem to be the only available options.

In discussing fallacy dilemmas with some negotiators, they’ve stated that identifying and using fallacies in a negotiation can be confusing. This article will give you insights into how you can engage successfully with them.

Here’s the challenge with fallacy dilemmas, when negotiating such propositions can be positioned to direct your thought process towards either of the options presented. In reality, there may be a number of other possible solutions that get excluded from your thought process simply because you’re being directed to consider only the proposition offered. Thus, other possible solutions are never considered. That’s why you should be mindful of when fallacies are presented.

Nevertheless, while being mindful of fallacy dilemmas being used against you, they can be an extremely useful tool to have. If you employ this tactic/strategy at the right time, you can enhance your negotiation efforts.

How to guard against fallacy dilemmas in your negotiations. 

Most know the premise, if you’ll lie you’ll cheat, and if you’ll cheat you’ll steal! If you accept that premise as a truism, you’re susceptible to the fallacy.

While it may be true that liars who cheat may also steal, or engage in any combination of nefarious activities, it doesn’t mean that every cheater steals, etc. That’s the dilemma of the fallacy.

Therefore, to guard against fallacy dilemmas during a negotiation, don’t accept any proposition as having only two alternatives.

Note: If you’re in the thick of a negotiation and you sense you’re being forced into thinking that there’s only to options, pause. Take time to reflect. Observe what the other negotiator does. If he attempts to push you into making one of the decisions offered, consider slowing the negotiation down by being more deliberate about your options.

How to use fallacy dilemmas in your negotiations.

You know how to guard against this dilemma, flip it to employ its usage against the other negotiator. To be most effective, consider presenting it in two ways.

  1. Quantitative – Use this type of offer when you want to limit the other negotiator’s perspective to a specified range (e.g. would you rather have zero or a thousand); this offer excludes the fact that through payment terms or other arrangements, he might be able to garner more than a thousand.
  2. Qualitative – Implement this method when attempting to alter the emotional mood of the other negotiator (e.g. would you rather walk away with nothing or something).

Body Language – Add value through intonation emphasis.

With body language, in this case nonverbal communication, the words you place greater or lesser emphasis on dictates the importance that those words convey. Such dictation will also convey a sense of importance when presenting your fallacies. As such, consider ahead of time what words you’ll use to convey a sense of needed urgency when making your offers and how that will be of benefit in your fallacy presentation.

Now that you have a greater awareness of fallacy dilemmas (did you catch what I just did about your awareness (i.e. if something is true, it can’t be false)), use them in your negotiations. Know that things get out of control to the degree that you don’t control them. Thus, when presented with an offer consider all of the options associated with the possible solution of that offer … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

 To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#NegotiationDilemma #FallacyDilemma #EitherOrDilemma

#NegotiatingWithABully #Bullying #Bully #negotiations #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology

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Do You Know How to Negotiate With a Bully?

“When negotiating with a bully, assume nothing and question everything.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Negotiating with a bully, or anyone that acts in an obstinate manner can be a difficult proposition. Such encounters can leave you haggard, bewildered, and in a sense of bedazzlement. Stated simply, it can leave you emotionally drained. But, if you know how to negotiate with a bully, you don’t have to risk jeopardizing your sanity or peaceful state of mind.

When you find yourself negotiating with a bully, consider employing the following strategies to lessen his impact.

1. First, identify why the bully feels he can bully you. There’s something that he’s perceived about your demeanor that marks you as a target. Once you discover that, you can alter your demeanor to appear more formidable. Just an FYI, you should alter his perspective of you prior to entering into the negotiation.

2. Understand his source of power. A bully’s mindset is one of picking on people that he perceives to be weaker than himself. His perception stems from his support system (i.e. those that back him), along with his perspective of what he’s achieved versus what he perceives you to possess (e.g. he has friends in higher places, more money, greater status, etc.) To combat his perception, create the persona of someone that’s also connected. You can do this by emulating the bully’s support system.

3. Appear fearless when such is required. A bully will ‘push your buttons’ to discover ways to manipulate you. Everyone is familiar with the schoolyard bully. He picks on the kids that won’t stand up to him. When they do, he usually moves to a target that is less challenging. When dealing with a bully in a negotiation, you have to be defiant when defiance is called for. Remember, the bully will only push you to the point that you allow him and, he’ll continue to push as long as you allow him. Unfortunately, history has taught us this lesson time and time again when dealing with tyrants; tyrants are nothing more than bullies with a bigger platform.

4. Observe body language – In particular, look for nonverbal signs of submission and those that are out of sync with his verbiage (e.g. bully leaning away from you when making a demand – potential sign of him retreating and testing your resolve, softening his demeanor when he senses that you’re displaying backbone, making request with ending statement sounding like a question). Such observations will give you greater insight into what his next action(s) might be and his psyche.

5. Consider how you can have embedded commands in your offers, suggestion, and/or concessions. As an example, observe the statement in bold in the first paragraph of this article. It states, ‘you know how to negotiate with a bully’. Such subliminal messaging may not be observed by the conscious mind, but they will be perceived at a subconscious level. Therein is where it can have an influence on the other negotiator. To combine the effects, lace several subliminal messages together. Use them as needed and apply them judiciously.

While negotiating with a bully can be trying, if you employ some of the suggestions mentioned above, you can decrease the bully’s effectiveness. In so doing you’ll make yourself less desirable from being targeted for bullying by the bully … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

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