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Category: Body Language

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Investing Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

Do You Want to Know How to Negotiate Better?

“You should only seek to negotiate better if you seek to acquire better outcomes in life.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Are you aware that they’re specific components that go into a good negotiation? Those components determine the probability of a negotiator’s success. If you would like to know how to negotiate better, note the components that follow.

Observe Body Language and Nonverbal Signals:

Being able to accurately detect body language and nonverbal signals allows a negotiator to hear and see the unspoken thoughts of the other negotiator. Most negotiators can detect when “something’s off”. But most miss more signals than they catch.

As the basis to reading body language, understand that one’s body always attempts to stay in a state of comfort. Thus, when a stimulus causes it to be out of that state, the body reacts to being out of balance. Therefore, to note when the body transfers from one state to another, note its cause.

Pre-Negotiation Probing Questions:

Negotiations are about control. It flows between you and the other negotiator throughout the negotiation. You can control that flow through questions.

Before engaging in the negotiation process, ask yourself deeply seeded probing questions (e.g. what you’re seeking from the negotiation, why do you want the outcome, what will you do if you can’t achieve it, what does a winning/losing outcome look like, etc.). The purpose of this is to uncover hidden thoughts that might drive your actions at the negotiation table. You should also put yourself in the shoes of the other negotiator and pose similar questions from his perspective.

Negotiation Strategies:

Be prepared to address the following occurrences in the negotiation.

Opening: Start by making sure that you and the other negotiator know what you’re negotiating for. Do this at the beginning of the negotiation by stating your understanding. You’d be surprised at the number of miscommunications that occur due to the negotiators not being on the same page.

Dealing with offers:

The first offer – Depending on your negotiation abilities, you can make the first offer – it will set an anchor. The tradeoff about making or not making the first offer really lies in your abilities to out-negotiate the other negotiator, due to the anchoring effect that the first offer provides.

Counteroffers – Make counteroffers with the degree of deliberation required for the situation. If the offer has a substantial bearing on the negotiation, don’t give the impression of countering it with haste. Remember, you’re conveying subliminal messages through your actions throughout the negotiation.

Take it or leave it – Don’t make this offer unless you’re serious about exiting the negotiation. This type of offer has a sense of hardening a negotiation if it’s not accepted. It also places you in a difficult position if you must retreat from it.

What if – The ‘what if’ offer can be used to test the other negotiator. It’s akin to being behind a shield. Because, if the other negotiator does not accept your offer, you’re not obligated to commit to it. Plus, you gain insight into his thoughts per what he will or will not accept.

Closing – You should be very vigilant in the closing phase of the negotiation. It’s the point that some negotiators make concessions to keep the deal together. Thus, savvy negotiators will take the opportunity to make a ‘slight’ request at that time. All the time, they’ve been planning for just this moment to do so.

As you know, they’re many moving parts to a negotiation. Thus, the more you can flow with the altering terrain that occurs, the greater the chances of success. Utilize the insights above and you’ll heighten that probability … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

 To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.TheMasterNegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#power #powerful #Negotiate #Negotiations #bodylanguage #Negotiator #Business #Management #SmallBusiness #Money #Negotiating #combat #negotiatingwithabully #bully #bullies #bullying #PersonalDevelopment #HandlingObjections #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #NegotiationPsychology

 

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Investing Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

Body Language Dread – How to Avoid Disaster When Negotiating

“To avoid disasters, recognize what they look like and avoid actions that lead to them.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“… He touched his knee! I thought, what does that mean? I #dread trying to read body language when negotiating!” An associate recounted her thoughts to me when discussing how she was attempting to avoid disaster during a negotiation. She wanted to understand and decipher the meaning of an individual’s body language. I told her, the gesture could have meant anything, nothing, or everything. Then, I went on to explain that one isolated body language gesture does not necessarily lend insight into someone’s emotions or thoughts – you must look at a cluster of gestures for that. I then stated, there’s an exception – it occurs when you’re observing micro-expressions.

Observe the body language gestures below. Cross-reference them to gain greater insight into the meaning they have when they’re clustered. That will grant you the insight into someone’s thoughts and what might have caused them. Being able to accurately detect these signals will enhance your negotiation abilities.

Crossed Arms:

Crossed arms by themselves does not mean that someone is unapproachable or close-minded. It could mean that the person is cold. Also, women tend to cross their arms more than men because of their anatomy.

To gain more insight about why someone crossed their arms, note the stimuli that caused it. To test their demeanor, say or ask something that will cause them to uncross their arms (e.g. that’s a nice watch – may I see it). Then, notice if they go back into their crossed arms position. If they do, you can test again with another question. After that, if they still cross their arms, you’ll have more information to make a better assessment of their demeanor.

Hands:

Movement – When someone speaks, note the timing of their hand movement. If it’s rhythmically aligned with their speech, subliminally, more believability will be lent to their words.

Handshakes – A handshake can connote hidden meanings (e.g. hands vertical to each other, we’re equal – hand on top, I’m superior). Never fall prey to the hidden meanings of handshakes. Good negotiators may intentionally allow someone to have the ‘upper hand’ as a ploy to convey subservience.

Fist – When a discussion becomes heated, observe when someone’s hand forms a fist. The fist can denote deepening anger or commitment in what’s being discussed. If the stimuli that caused the fist to be displayed was unintended, seek to de-escalate the conversation.

Smiles:

A genuine smile is denoted by crow’s feet at the corner of the eyes and elevated cheeks. It’s important to recognize the distinction from non-genuine smiles. Knowing the difference can assist in uncovering someone’s alignment.

Micro-expressions:

There are seven micro-expressions that are generic to everyone on earth. Thus, the stimuli applied to someone in Asia will have the same effect applied to someone in Europe, or anywhere else in the world. The seven micro-expressions are:

  1. Fear (eyebrows raised, wide eyes, lips slightly stretched & parted, bottom lip protruding downward)
  2. Anger (eyebrows down and together, eyes glare, narrowing of the lips)
  3. Disgust (lifting of the upper lip, scrunching of the nose)
  4. Surprise (raised eyebrows, wide eyes, open mouth)
  5. Contempt (one side of the lip raised and pulled in on one side of the face)
  6. Sadness (upper eyelids drooping, eyes unfocused, lips slightly turned down)
  7. Happiness (crow’s feet wrinkle around eyes, cheeks elevated, eye orbit muscle movement)

Misinterpreting someone’s body language can lead to unanticipated consequences. To assure that doesn’t occur to you, observe the gestures above when they’re clustered.

While reading body language is not a perfect science, it can give clues into someone’s thought process. Knowing what to look for, and interpreting nonverbal signals accurately, can help you avoid disasters when you negotiate … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.TheMasterNegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#Dread #Avoid #disaster #Negotiate #Negotiations #bodylanguage #Negotiator #Business #Management #SmallBusiness #Money #Negotiating #combat #negotiatingwithabully #bully #bullies #bullying #PersonalDevelopment #HandlingObjections #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology #NegotiationPsychology

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

What Scares You?

“Sometimes, your imagination scares you. To assess your fears, check your unchecked thoughts.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“… The thought of that scared me. My focus was on what others would think if I failed.” An executive manager of a major international corporation spoke those words. I suggested that he shift his paradigm from thinking about failure, and what others would think, to one more positive.

Have you ever considered what scares you? While you might be frightened of some things, they may be the doorway that leads to greater opportunities. There are things that you should shy away from. Therefore, I’m not suggesting you go head-first into everything that scares you. Instead, reflect on the benefits that might reside within your fears.

Consider the following thoughts when assessing how, whether, and when you should embrace things that frightened you.

Identify what scares you:

Before you can address your fears, you must identify them. You should also identify why you’re lending legitimacy to them. In identifying them, note their origins. Do they stem for a hurt you experienced in the not too distant past, or do they stem from some further hidden source? The better you are at identifying the source of what scares you, the better you’ll be at assembling a plan to deal with those fears.

Assessment:

While assessing the source of your fears, assess if it’s something that you should rightfully be afraid of. Fear can serve as a warning. Thus, there are some things that you should avoid. In your assessment, label what’s real and what’s imagined when it comes to what scares you.

Imagination:

When we were kids, we dealt with things that frightened us by using imaginary forces. We even created imaginary friends. The point is, we used our mind to help us live in the reality we wanted for ourselves. We can still use our mind for that purpose. When confronting what scares you, imagine what will happen when you overcome your fear by addressing the thing that scares you. Imagine you’re receiving accolades for doing so. Now, how does that make you feel? It should make you feel good. After all, you’re only imagining it, which means, you’re in complete control … as you are always.

You can find motivation from the above thoughts and allow them to move you to action. Or, you can choose not to address your fears. But If you’re serious about achieving greater success in life, you must commit to challenging the things that jeopardize that success, that which scares you. After making that commitment, your life will instantly be on a straighter road to success … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

When negotiating, the fears of adopting one position versus another may cause you angst. But if you’ve considered the unexpected offers that might occur beforehand you will have planned on how to address them. That should allay your fear.

Nevertheless, if you’re caught by a scary situation, don’t show it through any body language and/or nonverbal signals (e.g. mouth agape, widened eyes). You don’t want the other negotiator to sense his momentary advantage. Instead, go into quandary body language display mode (e.g. hand on chin head cocked to one side, or chin resting in hand and on side of face). This action will give you time to think, while the other negotiator wonders what you’re thinking about. If you display a cunning smile while doing so, you may evoke fear in him.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com 

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#Fear #scare #Emotion #Business #Progress #SmallBusiness #Negotiation #NegotiatingWithABully #Power #Perception #emotionalcontrol #relationships #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Investing Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

Do You Know When You Are On A Strong Peak?

 “Never view yourself as having peaked in life. There’ll always be other peaks to take you to higher points.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Athletes know it, do you? Do You know when you are on a strong peak? A strong peak is different than a molehill. It’s when you are really at your best. It’s also important to distinguish when you’re at that point because to get there again, you must know how you achieved it.

Throughout our life, we peak and then we rest. During times of rest other occurrences beckon for our attention. Sometimes, instead of answering the call, we revel in our accomplishments and rightfully so. That’s not a bad thing. Because, during our respite, we re-energize ourselves, which prepares us for the conquering of our next summit.

It’s very important to note how we engage in the ups and downs that occur in our life. There are lessons of growth contained in those situations. One thing to remember is, when you’re down, you must get up. There’s always another peak waiting for you to conquer. When you’re up, know that it’s temporary. There will be higher peaks to reach.

The more you can use your mind to continuously strive to go higher in life, the higher you’ll go. Even when there appears to be a limit on your upward mobility, view it as being temporary. Until you die, you’ll always have the power to climb higher. Be you infirm, afflicted, or ridden by the doubt of self-disappointment, if you wish it to be and work hard enough to bring it to fruition, you can always climb to a higher point. Leap if you must from one peak to the other, that’s okay too. You’ll be seeking what awaits you at a higher level. Thus, dread not when you’re not at your strongest. Fear not when you’re encompassed by weakness. When you’re down, if you don’t give up, you’ll be able to climb up, up to higher heights … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

You’ll go through many mental peaks and valleys in a negotiation. When you sense you’re at a peak, note the offers, counteroffers, and strategies that served as your deliverer.

In every negotiation, you should be aware of where you and the other negotiator are mentally. Body language and other nonverbal signals will allow you to glean some insights (e.g. lack of sharpness, the way offers are viewed per what’s said, pondering too long, etc.). The point is, if you’re not alert, that might be an indicator that you’re not at a strong peak in the negotiation. Take heed of such positions. You’re more likely to make mistakes; the same is true of the other negotiator. There’s the opportunity for you to climb to a higher peak if the latter is true. But you’ll miss it if you don’t recognize the opportunity for the value it contains (i.e. knowing when you’re on a strong peak). Pay attention to such opportunities and greater rewards will await you at higher peaks.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#Peak #Success #Emotion #Business #Progress #SmallBusiness #Negotiation #NegotiatingWithABully #Power #Perception #emotionalcontrol #relationships #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions

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Body Language Human Resources Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

Do You Hear What I’m Thinking?

“Delivered succinctly, your thoughts are accurately conveyed. Delivered unsuccinctly, and your message can get lost in a morass of confusion”. -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

How many times do you catch yourself not saying exactly what you’re thinking? You say one thing and the meaning becomes altered by what you emit. Okay, did you catch that? The intent was to state, … by what you omit. Such nuances can leave the receiver of your message confused about its intent. We omit complete thoughts at times because we’re not focused on what we say or write.

The following are two points to consider before communicating with others. They’ll help you communicate more effectively.

Know your environments.

Some people get tongue-tied due to their environment. They experience self-pressure because they want to perform better. That’s usually due to how they think they’ll be perceived versus how they wish it to be. Recognize that something is occurring that makes you feel unsafe in those environments. It may stem from the people in it or the environment itself (i.e. glitzy, downtrodden, etc.).

Prior to your entry, identify how you want to convey your thoughts, what might prevent you from doing so, and what you’ll do to become unstuck if that occurs. Having plans in place to move from one mental environment to another will allow you the mental dexterity to place your mind at ease and focus on the message you want to deliver.

Know your mental peaks.

Everyone has times in the day when they’re more mentally alert. Do you know yours? More importantly, do you know what times are best for the important communications that you’ll have?

When you’re at the ‘top of your game’ note how you got there. Is it something someone says that ignites it? Was it the exercise regimen you engaged in. Was it due to a lack of fatigue? Knowing the answers to these questions and others will allow you to identify when you’ll most likely be at your mental peak. When possible, choose those times to engage in more important communications.

When you communicate, whether in writing or verbal, there’ll be times when you don’t communicate succinctly. The better you become at identifying those times, the more alert you’ll be about their occurrence. That mindfulness should allow you to prepare better for the encounter, which should allow you to communicate better … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations? 

Every negotiation involves communications. It’s in the form of what you say and how you say it. Thus, as offers and counteroffers are exchanged, the words used to convey their sentiment impacts the perception of the offer. Therefore, if you don’t represent your thoughts appropriately, you’ll decrease the chance of communicating effectively. That can lead to a hellish negotiation.

In every negotiation, plan what you’ll say and the body language you’ll use when imparting your message (e.g. moving closer when offers are appealing – away when they’re not, hand supporting chin to reflect contemplation, hands pushing away to signal disdain for the offer, etc.). The more aligned your body language is with your message, the more your message will appear believable. Even if your full thought isn’t conveyed, the body language that accompanies it will add an extra dimension to the message.

Remember, you’re always negotiating! 

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

 To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#Communication #Success #Emotion #Business #Progress #SmallBusiness #Negotiation #NegotiatingWithABully #Power #Perception #emotionalcontrol #relationships #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions

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Best Practices Body Language Culture Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Women In Business

What to do When Whatever Can Happen Suddenly Does and Tries to Destroy Your Meeting – Part 2

You’ve just been attacked verbally by a super-irate member of your meeting.  Your heart is pounding.  Your eyes are wide.  The rest of the group is focused on you for help.  What the heck?!  Who signed me up for this???!!!!

Here’s one technique to feel more centered and apart from your own emotional reactions when aggression is expressed.  Experience yourself observing while simultaneously leading.  You can take an emotional step back from involvement in the group by imagining that you’re watching a movie; the story is unfolding before your eyes and you can watch and think about the characters, the plot and the implications from a slightly removed vantage point. We thereby spare ourselves the stress and high emotions that can distort perceptions of the findings as well as jeopardize our ability to lead.

By the way, in marketing research focus groups, this is excellent advice for the observers in the backroom. As we’ve all experienced, it’s often difficult for clients to hear negative and emotionally charged feedback about their brain children. And, who could blame them? Their jobs are on the line.  Their self-esteem about their own creative process which brought the test ideas into being are being challenged and shot down in a moment, while they may have spent months or even years coming to the point where they are brave enough to expose them to their audiences. It’s natural that clients are likely to take any attacks on their products and advertising personally making it difficult to listen with an open mind.

It is therefore a wise idea for clients to have the safety of the movie metaphor. And it works well with the focus group set up. Watching the “movie” through the glass is a logical extension of the physical environment.  The window is like a large screen. The seats are lined up in tiers. It’s dark like a movie theatre. Many facilities even serve popcorn to encourage the sense of more passive viewing and listening.

However, it’s a totally different situation in the front room as the leader. The facilitator might pretend that she/he is the focusing lens of the camera, but… the problem occurs when the monster in the movie slowly turns its head, catches the camera’s eye and focuses his fury right into the audience’s face. We all know how frightening that is when that character seems to come off the big screen and become aware of you as viewer.  Our safe seat in the auditorium is now confronted by the scary beast. An icy chill streaks up our spine. Our hearts begin to race. Our eyes widen. Some will utter a frightened, HUH!! If the change
in the monster’s demeanor and attention comes out of the blue, the intensity of our reactions is greater.

Imagine how much worse that is when an angry group member captures the moderator’s eye and blasts him/her with a tirade of emotion intended for God knows what, his boss,  his father/mother, or anyone else who has made them angry. While we can sit safely in the movie theatre just having our momentary feeling of fright, in the leader’s seat we must have strategies in place for dealing with these people.

Art Shulman, a friend of mine who has attended our training and learned about our Snow White Theory for dealing with the various types of characters in the group, wrote a comic tongue-in-cheek account of his version of The Hulk appearing in one of his sessions.

Here’s a synopsis and a small excerpt.  Thank you Art!:

Apparently, an already transformed, surly, Hulk-like look-a-like known as “Beast” presented himself in one of Art’s groups (or perhaps hypothetical groups). In the go round he growled and snarled at the group and at Art.  Art, silently, but frantically tried to recall all of the interventions he had learned to employ in dealing with difficult people. He jokingly reflects to himself things like:

  • Slip him a Mickey?
  • Pull out a can of Mace?
  • Use the ejector seat?

Then he tells us that he remembered the seating position behavior he learned about for working with difficult respondents. He invites Beast, AKA Grumpy or Hulk who is sitting in the confrontational, counter-leadership position at the end of the table to switch seats with Happy who is sitting in the compliant seat to the leader’s immediate right. He correctly explains that the chair opposite the leader is likely to be taken by a provoking, challenging character. One way to change behavior is to literally change the person’s seat.

In Art’s Group Thriller, he has this Grumpy Beast switch his seat with Happy, the character most likely to support the leader. Then Art announced to the group that the topic of the session was Christmas stockings, where upon our Grumpy Hulk uttered a thunderous rumbling sound like that of a volcano about to erupt, turned to him and the people in the backroom, and in growing ferocity picked up a chair and flung it at the mirror.

Once our imaginary respondent, Beast, released the pent up frustration that had been growing to a breaking point, he was able to express the softer feelings and reasons why.

In Art’s words:

“Then, as we all looked on, Beast sat back down and became tearful,. .’Every December I apply for jobs as Santa Claus. But I’m always rejected once they find out I’m a professional wrestler’

For the rest of the session he was a pussycat, making all sorts of  useful suggestions to increase sales of my client’s product”

* * *

With just a little luck, nothing this extreme will ever happen to you when you’re leading a group or meeting. Yet there is that nagging old Murphy reminding us that anything can and will. The sheer knowledge of this possibility, no matter how rare, keeps us needing to have an approach to handle the most difficult respondents even though most groups are comprised of amiable, cooperative people.

An important intervention for your consideration:

I would like to suggest a little tactic to have in your back pocket that you can rely on if Murphy and The Hulk show up in your meeting and scare you with a roar and the mighty muscle that looks like he can back it up.  It is a very simple technique that diffuses the raw emotion of this grumpy person. And remember, all of us have the capacity for being quite grumpy at times, when provoked.

The unexpected outburst starts. Allow the participant to vent and finish his/her little tirade. You will be feeling the attack and so will the rest of the group. If you are like most people when confronted with such a strong assault your heart is racing and you probably feel a little frightened yourself not unlike the shock I felt when the computer came crashing down on my head out of seemingly nowhere.

Remind yourself to take a breath. It will be over soon.

You can give yourself time to think and recover from your pounding heart and dazed feeling AND at the same time, help this angry person calm down by saying: “I am sorry could you repeat that…I want to be sure I really understood what you said.”

While it may sound counter intuitive to invite this furious fomentation to be unleashed yet again, it actually has the reverse effect.  It is at once both an extraordinarily simple AND extraordinarily powerful intervention.

Here’s why:

– Asking the person to repeat what was just expressed protects you from attempting to engage in a rational conversation with an irrational person (which is kind of like
trying to get your dog to teach you Calculus … you’ll just irritate him and get him to bark louder).

Our job is to keep the group communication constructive, reasonably logical and goal oriented (despite any needs to recognize emotional motivation.) The overly aggressive attacker is not able to contribute to this in their initial state of anger.

– Second, the meaning and intent of the overly aggressive  communication is usually quite clouded by the intensity of his adrenalin. It’s hard to decipher the meaning and
implications out from underneath the intensity of his emotional outburst.

The tone of your voice should communicate genuine interest in hearing the meaning of his/her words. You are asking so that you can help this person better articulate what they are thinking.

Like the Hulk who requires a build up of energy to fuel his fiery temper, the aggressive participant’s raw emotion has been spent. It will take time, energy and a sense of annoyance and irritation to rebuild for there to be another volcanic eruption.  When the participant repeats what was originally spat out in a rage, he/she will now express it far more calmly with far less feeling and agitation. This will give you an opportunity to:

* Recuperate, calm down, collect your thoughts and think of your next question

* Invite the group to react to the content of his message rather than the inappropriate emotion.

Then, in order to further help Grumpy respond in a way which will help him be more cooperative, ask “object oriented[4], easy questions with regard to the content. Examples would be:

– When did this happen?
– Where were you?
– How did you get there?
– Who was there?

People calm down when given the opportunity to answer simple factual question which have definite answers, having nothing to do with their opinions. (The reason is, opinions reside INSIDE a person’s head … they are ideas one has to ‘defend’, whereas facts are things that are usually more objectively verifiable, thus carrying less of a need for personal
defense).

In contrast, asking a very upset person “why?” (to which they may or may not know the answer, and which certainly puts them on the spot to defend their position) may create more anxiety and refuel their upset.

You might also, (at some point after the problem person has re-verbalized their aggression and been helped to calm down with these simple factual questions), acknowledge the problem or concern he has, then repeat it to the person to make sure you (and the rest
of the group) understands the issue.

What works about this approach?

You demonstrated that you have respect for her/him [as well as the others in the group] by accepting his reaction and wanting to hear more.

You remained apparently calm and avoided counter attacking and dismissing him. (That’s hard to do when someone is attacking you. During an aggressive confrontation, it’s natural to want to fight fire with fire.)

You indicated interest in finding out what he is really thinking and validated him by letting him know that you believe there is an important message beyond the fireworks.

You treated the issue as important to her/him, even though it might not be so for others, showing your interest in his and everyone’s reactions.

You demonstrated acceptance of his feelings to make it possible for him to talk without having to use intense emotional outbursts to get your attention.

You used the window of calm after the storm to reestablish your leadership in the group and take control

At the same time, you gave the other group members a moment to catch their breath too and calm down from the onslaught so you could all return to the task at hand.

Incidentally, Art was right about seating position. It’s much easier for an angry meeting participant to assert dominance and attempt to steal the floor if they can make eye contact with the leader. Acknowledging via eye contact invites the other to talk and interact. [You know how they
say to avoid eye contact with a crazy looking person when you’re walking the streets of Manhattan.] So either change his seat or change the balance of power by getting up, moving around the room and making it difficult for him/her to look you in the eye until this person has demonstrated that she/he can be cooperative.

When all else fails, from another fairy tale, keep a pitcher of water handy to melt the wicked witch. [Just kidding of course, but it’s only fair to note that Super-Grumpies come in both genders].

And remember, Murphy’s law is very unlikely to come to pass. Most meetings are comprised of people who want to be there and share their ideas rather than hitting you on the head with a heavy metal black box.

Hmmmm.  Maybe Dennis the flight attendant was the Incredible Hulk?

Wishing you great meetings!

Want to learn more about leading groups?  Contact me http://www.DrSharonLivingsto.com to find out about our upcoming training sessions or email me directly at DrSharonLivingston@gmail.com

[1] Wasn’t sure if he was just annoyed with me for invading his space or if he saw my strange behavior as a function of menopausal madness.  If he had only known the secrets for assuaging potentially aggressive reactions, we might have had a pleasant flight..

[2] After sharing my experience with other QRC’s I heard a story that topped this one.  A moderator was sitting in First Class.  During take off, a bottle of wine flew out of the galley, hit her in the head and knocked her unconscious!  We really have a high risk occupation, friends.

[3]  Grumpy is an icon for one of the 7 characters that show up in any group. Anyone unfamiliar with my metaphor that respondents in a focus group tend to assume the role of one of the seven dwarves from the classic 1800’s tale can visit http://www.snowwhitetheory.com/ for a description of all the postures people take in a group meeting and suggestions for how to handle them

[4] An object oriented question is just a factual question that has an easily identifiable right answer. An opinion might be judged, making the respondent anxious, but factual queries are experienced as safe.

 

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What to do When Whatever Can Happen Suddenly Does and Tries to Destroy Your Meeting – Part I

You know Murphy’s Law – the idea that whatever can happen, will.  Just this very busy, post holiday season I was reminded of a time that Murphy’s Law struck again. Literally!

What reminded me about it was this week’s marathon of groups and still another exciting moment on AA.  [Not alcoholics anonymous, American Airlines.].   My certified, regulation rollie would not fit in the overhead no matter how I tried to squish it, turn it, wheels first, handle first, sideways, upside down, just no way.   Nor would it fit under the supposedly regulation space under the seat in front of me.  [NOT!]  The flight attendant with the frazzled high pitched squeaky voice told me I had to check it.  She also told me I had to take it out to the gate, but of course there was no time to do that.  I wouldn’t get back on the flight.  To the dismay of my fellow passengers lined up behind me and quite a little frantic myself, I hurriedly opened my bag ,wrenched out my boots, my 3 hard cover books including focus group bashing, “How Customers Think”, and an awkwardly shaped dispenser of progesterone cream [how mortifying] – all of which were preventing squishage.  With those items sprawled over my seat and that of my seat mate [who was waiting behind me and who never spoke to me through out the 4 hour flight][1] I was finally able to compress the bag enough that I could jam it into the compartment.  After I stowed my boots, books and embarrassing bio basics, I settled into my seat and couldn’t help but recall another Murphy moment a number of years ago.

I was on another plane.  My fourteen pound Think Pad was on my lap. (Don’t ask me why I had such a heavy laptop. Pretty ridiculous I know. But I like having all the bells and whistles of a desk top in a laptop with a big screen.  Gives me a little extra exercise I guess.) Anyway, Dennis, our very pleasant flight attendant told me he would have to stow it overhead for take off, but would give it back to me once we were allowed to use electronic equipment again. And boy did he ever give it to me.  About 20 minutes into the flight,

I caught his eye and asked if this would be a good time to get my computer. “No problem,” he smiled. Famous last words!

Dennis opened the compartment, grasped the computer and… proceeded to drop it on my head. Major OUCH!!!  I saw stars and heard Tweetie birds singing. It crashed onto the top of my head and then clunked down onto my left thumb on it’s way down to attacking the big toe on my sandaled foot. People around me lurched in their seats. Dennis ran for an ice pack.

It hurt.

Mini concussion?  Compressed vertebrae?  Please, no, I had to write up a top line on the study I had just completed on osteoporosis. Getting off the plane at La Guardia, I found myself somewhat dazed and foggy for the next several hours.  The next day, I went to the doctor and was reassured I’d be fine.

What still amazes me is how I went through that trauma with virtually no residual effects. Once my neck was adjusted in the doctor’s office, the shock passed through my
body. My thinking refocused. With a neck adjustment and a little rest, I was fine the next morning.

It was interesting to observe the reactions of the passengers around me in the plane after the jolt of the mini crisis was over. Everyone kept looking up as if another computer would suddenly take wing, fly out of the overhead and crash down on them. They laughed nervously about it, made jokes, but also kept a watchful eye on the overhead compartments, taking time and attention away from working, reading a book or just relaxing. Murphy was nodding knowingly. I’d been flying for many years and have never before seen anyone accosted by a Kamikaze computer or any other item from the overhead[2]. Nevertheless, the
passengers on the plane had become aware of the possibility that such an event could happen and were therefore on heightened alert, anxious that they seemed to have no safeguard in place.

This incredibly rare experience, which left me feeling like the sky might actually be falling for the rest of the day, reminded me of how we group leaders and facilitators sometimes fear an outburst of Murphy’s Law in our group sessions and need to have precautions in place in the unlikely event that the respondent from Hell (“Super Grumpy”) happens to show up in one of our sessions.

In our training classes, people tell us that they most dread the possibility of an encounter with an irate, attacking participant who shows up without warning. While he is probably not likely to appear very frequently, this most feared individual is the transformed “Incredible Hulk” who threatens to destroy group process by explosively regurgitating his intense relevant or irrelevant rage at the leader and all over the group. (Yes – I’m mixing metaphors … Super Grumpy + Incredible Hulk … but I’m doing it on purpose … you’ll see why.)

It could happen. It’s unlikely to happen. In my own 25+ years of running groups it has happened maybe 10 times. However, the unpleasant experience and idea that this wildly uncontrollable character can sabotage the group, the outcome and the image of the leader to his/her client, can leaves you  looking up at the overhead, wondering when a group member’s accidental or purposeful aggression might erupt in the session and land on his head.

A little stage fright is energizing and keeps us on our toes. On the other hand, anxiety over unpredictable aggression without techniques for dealing with it detracts from our ability to perform at our best.

Let’s think about the Incredible Hulk for a minute. This is a basically good guy who is transformed by an impulsive temper into a giant muscle bound monster of fury. I’m going to digress just a bit to tell a little of his story.

Unless you’re a Hulk aficionado you probably don’t know that Bruce Banner, AKA The Incredible Hulk, was a product of an insanely jealous father who murdered Bruce’s mother in a green-eyed rage over her love for her son.  Bruce father then abandoned him and  continually accused him of being evil and reprehensible for all the bad things that had ever happened.  Poor Bruce stayed sane by diverting his grief, hurt and anger to the study of science. He got his doctorate in nuclear physics and went to work at a nuclear research facility, where in a heroic effort to rescue a friend, he was caught in the heart of a nuclear explosion. He mutated into seven feet, one thousand pounds of unfettered fury – the most powerful creature to walk the earth (aside from my husband Glenn, of course).

The disfiguring transformation was triggered by the build up of intense feelings and stress. When his anger was physically expressed and released during his Hulk conversion he would then transform back to his normal easy-to-get along with persona.  However, this was only after wreaking havoc around him, scaring the living daylights out of everyone in sight and knocking off a few people who got him PO’d.

The point of moving from the Super Grumpy[3] metaphor to the Incredible Hulk is … we can all EMPATHIZE with the Incredible Hulk because we know that underneath the fuming façade is a good soul.  Unfortunately, it’s harder to identify with a Super Grumpy when he shows up in our meetings, threatening to destroy us, the group process and the quest for learning or resolution of problems in our groups.  We can forget, that there is a real person with real needs and perhaps important issues that need to be addressed before we can continue with our agenda.

Strange as it may seem, the best way to deal with an overly aggressive, ‘in-your-face’ aggressor is to dig deep inside yourself to find empathy for their feelings. This, of course, is very easy to say, and quite another thing to accomplish.

In Part II, we’ll review the options. (Note: It’s MUCH more complicated than saying “I feel your pain, brother!” … I mean, the 1960s were over a long time ago!).

In the meantime, think about the challenging people you’ve encountered.  When they gave voice to their anger and annoyance, how did that affect your meeting?  What did you feel?  What did you do?  What did you wish you had done instead in thinking about it later?

To your success!

Warmly,

Sharon J

Categories
Best Practices Body Language Culture Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Please Pass The Puppy

Up until a couple of years ago, anyone who knew me fairly well, knew that I had a wonderful little mascot, Stewie the Shih Tzu. We’d been hanging out together for 13 years and he accompanied me to many places: to work every day when I was in my home office, on the road whenever I could, to my hairdresser, and he sat on my lap in the dentist office.

What you may not know is that Stewie has participated in a number of marketing research, training and creativity events.

It started when he was a two month old puppy. At that time, I had a facility on Long Island. My partner and I were running a creativity session with a pharma company and it’s agency. There were 16 people sitting around the table for many hours, coming up with new ideas for several categories of products. Since Stewie was still so little, I brought him along.  After getting permission from the group, we set up a make shift puppy playpen in the corner just behind my chair.

Not surprisingly, early in the session Stewie started whining a little, so I picked him up and held him in one hand while I continued conducting with my pen in the other.  [Later one of the participants told me that Stewie’s little head kept bobbing up and down following the pen as it drew invisible lines and circles, mirroring the movements of my improvised baton.  Can you tell this puppy was my child?!  I thought everything he did was adorable.]

This was a fairly typical brainstorming session – the group was charged with identifying areas we wanted to develop, getting spontaneous downloads of ideas, using creative excursions to move away from the problem at hand to make new associations, generating possible ideas from the new input and then doing it all over again.  While much of the time was spent in spontaneous talk mode, there was some head down writing involving focused concentration.

For some people that part is tense.  At one point during a writing exercise, a woman lifted her head, turned to me, arm extended and commanded, “Please pass the puppy”  — which of course I did without a blink.  Stewie continued to travel around the room at various times throughout the day providing comedic and warm fuzzy relief when people needed a break or wanted to lessen stress.

Stewie continued his apprenticeship over the years, listening in while providing licks and entertainment to my clients.  Most of the people I work with were thrilled to have him attend and several actually requested him. Why? Because he brought “love” and innocence into the session. He’s spontaneously silly, engaging in hilarious antics that are entertaining. He cuddled, invited petting and patting, gave licks, asked for what he wanted, and was genuinely and obviously appreciative of any attention given to him.

One of my clients, James, loved to have Stewie along. In addition to just enjoying Stewie’s presence and clowning around, he also relished the opportunity to take the pup “out for a walk” – a euphemism for grabbing a smoke.

On one occasion, we were conducting a series of one-on-ones with MD’s on a set of concepts for a new medication.  It was suburban Philly.  We were interviewing 15 docs per market. After interview #10, James said, “Hey, I have an idea. We pretty much know how we’re doing here. [This was the final of three markets.] What would you think of bringing Stewie into the front room to see what happens.  It would be research on research!”

I asked if he was sure he wanted to take the chance of forfeiting the interview results, and he replied with an enthusiastic “YES!”  So, I greeted the psychiatrist in the waiting room and told him that I had my dog with me.  How did he feel about dogs? How might he feel about allowing the dog into the interview room?  The doctor said it was fine with him.

Imagine the set up. My back is to the mirror.  The doctor is facing the mirror.  I have two tables set up in an L with stacks of materials as well as discarded papers in a pile under the table ready to be shredded.  We start the interview with the purpose of the talk and an introduction of the doctor; medications he currently writes for his patients, etc.

Then we switched to concept exposure.

Stewie started out laying at my feet.  That lasted for about 10 minutes before he started exploring.  The first thing he found was the pile of papers on the floor. Stewie saw an opportunity to earn his keep and started aggressively shredding the paper. Meanwhile the doctor continued to talk as if oblivious to the noise and distraction, while I’m thinking to myself, “oh well, I guess this isn’t going to work.”

I picked up Stewie and got him to settle down on my lap while we progressed in the interview, showing more ideas for the doctor’s feedback. I don’t know what you know about Shih Tzu’s, but because of their short snouts, they have a propensity to snort and snore. In fact Stewie can snore louder than my Grandmother who was queen of sawing wood, honking and whinnying while she slept.

Internally, my virtual eyes were rolling, but I stayed with the process, asking questions, probing, clarifying, moving onto the next set until we finished. Surprisingly, after a couple of giggles of acknowledgement of Stewie’s off key concerto, we got through the entire interview covering all the materials.

As were winding down, I asked the doctor what it was like to have the pup in the room. His answer was very interesting. He said that he’d done interviews before and that even though he knew he was being asked for his honest response, he generally found himself trying to give the answers he imagined the interviewer wanted to hear. But this was different. He allowed himself to be authentic and say what was really on his mind.

In classic interviewer style, I said, “interesting, what might have contributed to the difference in your response.”

He said there were two things. Having the dog in the room gave him the sense that his own playfulness and creativity were encouraged. To him this translated to allowing himself to be relaxed and open. In addition, my accepting of Stewie without punishing his behaviors said that I would be accepting of whatever he had to say. The result was he was comfortable taking the risk of telling me how he really felt about the product concepts.

James, who had been laughing his head off in the backroom, sobered up and took notice. James was in charge of the internal research training program. His company holds a bi-monthly Lunch and Learn event that is offered to all in the research department of his company. The doctor’s reaction was so intriguing, that he actually wrote it up and distributed it to the VP of Research as well as his peers for future consideration.

There is a dynamic relationship between people and animals. Each influences both the physiological and psychological state of the other. In the presence of animals, people seem healthier and happier and actually experience improved health benefits: lower blood pressure, less anxiety and a general sense of feeling good about themselves. In fact, pets can add to longevity. Grieving elderly widows and widowers left with pets survive years longer than their counterparts without pets.

Animals are a natural source of genuine affection. They create an emotionally safe, non-threatening environment that can encourage people to open up. In the presence of friendly pets, people relax and calm down. They forget about their worries, loneliness, sadness, pain and fear. They laugh and feel moments of unselfconscious joy.

Did you know that 20% of American businesses allow their staff to bring companion animals along with them to work?

The value of a cute pup or pet in work situations has been researched. Results of a survey sponsored by The American Pet Products Manufacturers Association indicated positive outcomes as a result of bringing pets to work.

Participants agreed that bringing their pets to work led to:

  • An increased willingness to work longer
  • A decrease in absenteeism
  • Improved relationships with co-workers
  • An environment that fosters creativity
  • Higher productivity

So, do you have a pet that might like to give back? Maybe become an assistant researcher or facilitator?  Just be sure to protect anyone who might have fear of fur and get their permission before introducing your pup.

To learn more interesting tips on making work less like work and encouraging employee engagement click http://www.future-proof-your-career.com

Categories
Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Skills

Move Your Organization into the Communication Age

For the last several decades, we have been working hard at helping our company become an information age organization, finding new and better ways to distribute and display information. Having 24/7 access to email and web sites via our mobile devices, it’s hard to find any area in an organization that doesn’t provide access to information.

We receive more information than we can keep up with. Between numerous collaborative tools, memberships to multiple informative groups, subscriptions to paid and free information funnels, and being subject to mobile advertising, we’re literally drowning in information.

We must propel our organizations into the communication age to reach the next level of organizational excellence and to solve information overload.

Informing Versus Communicating

Informing is one-way, static, and seldom leads to action, while communicating is two-way, dynamic, and usually leads to action.

Ask yourself, “In our organization, are we better at informing than communicating?” The majority will answer “yes.” If you can’t communicate internally with your staff, how can you communicate to anyone externally? Do not stop informing people; start tapping into true communication. When you focus on maximizing two-way communications, you can create a communication age organization.

Fully embracing the communication age doesn’t erase the information age. You don’t want to erase the past; you want to move forward into the future. The “new” opens more options to innovate and lead. We did great at evolving into information age organizations, so we should move forth into the communication age in a similar fashion.

The Right Tool for the Job

Ironically, we have all these fantastic communication age tools, but we use them in an information age way due to our residual information age mindset. It’s time to learn how to use these tools in a way that advances the organization and promotes both internal and external communications. Here are suggestions that can help move your organization into the communication age.

  • Know and learn how people communicate.

Not everyone communicates in the same way. It’s common for some to not return voicemails but return text messages. Likewise, people in different generations prefer different communication tools. The key is to understand how people like to communicate. People tend to use the communication tool they’re most comfortable with. Also, ask the other party how they prefer to receive communications. If your goal is to elicit some sort of action, you have to communicate in the manner that will allow the other party to respond.

Just as people communicate differently, they also learn and absorb information differently. Some people would rather listen to a book than read it. Knowing this, it is safe to assume that person would likely prefer voicemail over email. A person’s learning style mirrors his or her communicating style. Deliver the message in a way that ties into their learning style.

  • Get social inside the organization.

Social media is all about communicating and informing. Before social media, the internet was solely for informing. Because of this shift to informing and communicating, it has been rapidly embraced by young and old alike. Companies should consider using these communication tools internally. Many social media platforms are great ways to connect employees across departments, regions, and countries. You can even have your own internal version of these popular social media platforms.

Reframing the use of social networking allows companies to increase communication, collaboration, problem solving, and competitive advantage with little cost. These tools are free or nearly free, making them accessible to organizations of any size. Embrace these tools and utilize them to enhance your communication of information that generates action and response.

  • Create community.

Two types of online communities exist: communities of interest and communities of practice. A community of practice is a professional type of community where members share their knowledge and best practices.

A community of interest is an environment where people share similar interests or passions. You can even get granular when it comes to communities of interest to filter information. Perhaps you narrow down your car community to one that only includes people who drive a Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat.

In your organization, you can set up virtual communities of practice in order to get people communicating ideas and sharing knowledge and expand it to diversify communication. For example, establish a community of practice for all the CEOs in your industry, which opens up the communication channels for enhanced dialogue and innovation industrywide.

Embrace the Future Today

These suggestions are aimed at improving communications rather than merely providing more information. You need to ask yourself how your organization can use these tools not only internally but also with your customers to enhance information and add communication.

Using today’s technology in a way that opens a meaningful dialogue will move your people to action and advance the organization to new levels of success.

Ready to see the future and plan with greater confidence?

Pick up a copy of my latest bestselling book The Anticipatory Organization. I’ll pick up the cost of the book if you pick up the cost of FedEx shipping. Go to www.TheAOBook.com to get your copy.

Categories
Body Language Human Resources Personal Development

7 Moves That WILL Get You a “Yes!”

Young people often ask us, “What’s the best way to present myself?” They want to put the odds in their favor during business meetings, presentations, and interviews. They come to us as employers, managers, and sales professionals to discuss our experience in paving the way to get to “Yes”.

When it comes to any business recommendation, we start with, “Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” Whether you’re approaching an employer, buyer, or colleagues at a business meeting, they’re people first and foremost. And they share two common factors that influence their judgment.

The first is that they all want attention. So give it to them! This is why important meetings are most effective in person. Utilizing text is ideal when it comes to setting up and organizing the meeting. Email is a great way to summarize the meeting and discuss follow-up. Phone calls have their use, too, to solve problems and misunderstandings. But the first meeting should be face-to-face. Always! If you aren’t able to be there in person, utilize a video platform, like Skype.

And the second is that people are naturally quick to judge. You, your goals, and even your purpose will be judged before you even say anything. Yes, it sounds unfair, but you’re first judged on your appearance. Everything you say after you introduce yourself is biased by the first impression. It’s absolutely essential to present yourself successfully. Dress for success and portray the type of person they want to do business with.

Your body language and appearance can influence someone’s reception of your message, whether positive or negative. These tips have worked well for us, and we’ve seen others successfully use them to make a positive first impression.

Dress

As cliché as it might sound, “dress for success” is a tried-and-true policy. The way you choose to dress speaks volumes about you. Don’t dress like you’re looking for attention. Dress cleanly, neatly, and professionally.

Smile

Before you step foot in that meeting, take a deep breath and think about how happy they’ll be with what you’re offering. Smile, knowing you’ll put them at ease and that this meeting will benefit them.  

Walk

Walk confidently and energetically. Don’t look down. Pick up your feet and look ahead of you. This demonstrates balance, purpose, and determination.

Stand

Watch your posture—stand up straight! Look like an exclamation point, not a question mark. While you shake hands, step forward. Stand close enough to communicate effectively while giving them enough space.

Sit

Sit down with grace. Move smoothly—don’t slam into your chair and definitely don’t slouch. Keeping your shoulders back and your back straight will give you an alert, welcoming, dignified posture.

Look

Make eye contact with whoever is speaking. And when you’re speaking, look directly at the person you’re speaking to. Don’t look down and don’t look away. To demonstrate your interest in the conversation, lean forward slightly.

Hands

When you’re listening to someone speak, keep your hands on your lap. Don’t put them near your face or rest your elbows on the table. When you’re speaking, use your hands for slight emphasis—don’t cross your arms. Keep your shoulders back in a receptive and open posture.

Keep this short checklist handy and review it before your next meeting. The results will surprise you! We all visually communicate these messages every day. On their own, they each won’t guarantee a “yes”, but a “no” will be much less likely from the get-go.

Best of luck during your next big meeting!

For more, read on: http://c-suitenetworkadvisors.com/advisor/michael-houlihan-and-bonnie-harvey/