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Advice Health and Wellness Personal Development

You are not alone- Celebrating mental health awareness month

Dear Reader,

Every year, an average of 150,000 lives are tragically lost to drug, alcohol, and suicide-related causes in America. In the midst of the pandemic last year, the number of substance-abuse deaths rose by a devastating 18%, making 2020 the “deadliest year in drug history.”

These alarming statistics highlight the fact that many individuals feel isolated and alone in their struggles. However, May brings with it a powerful reminder: it is Mental Health Awareness Month.

Throughout this month, mental health experts, psychologists, and wellness teachers unite to emphasize a crucial message – you are not alone. Despite the physical isolation, global unrest, and unimaginable loss, we stand together in solidarity.

As someone who personally experienced the heartbreaking loss of my own brother to suicide years ago, I came to realize how shared childhood experiences and patterns often lead us to suppress our emotions and needs. Tragically, unmet needs can manifest in devastating ways. It was during that unimaginably painful period that my commitment to conscious parenting and mental health advocacy began to take shape.

Our society needs more than just awareness of mental illness; it requires a proactive approach to promoting mental wellness. We must equip ourselves with tools and strategies for effective and compassionate communication, managing emotions, and navigating distressing situations.

In the spirit of promoting mental well-being, I would like to share three simple hacks that can help you feel less anxious, more centered, and clear-headed:

  1. Draw Figure 8s: Using your index and middle finger, trace a figure 8 pattern around your eyes. Apply different pressures to instantly integrate the right and left brain, bringing a sense of balance and harmony.
  2. Practice Alternate Nostril Breathing: Breathe through one nostril at a time to experience deeper breaths, centeredness, and a release of anxiety. Begin by blocking the right nostril, inhale through the left, then block the left nostril and exhale through the right. Repeat the process, alternating nostrils.
  3. Engage in Ha! Exhales: Make fists with your hands, inhale deeply, and exhale with a forceful “HA!” as you bend forward. This technique will help calm you down, induce relaxation, and release nervous energy.

For those seeking more resources on mental health platforms, I recommend watching this enlightening video from the National Mental Health & Mental Fitness Summit in July 2019.

Remember, we are all on this journey together. Let us continuously remind one another that we don’t have to face our challenges alone.

Wishing you strength and well-being!

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. If you’re looking for a welcoming, compassionate support group that will accompany you through parental ups and downs, join our Conscious Parenting Facebook Group.

 

Categories
Advice Best Practices Culture Parenting

The Ultimate Guide to Repairing Your Parenting Relationship: 5 Proven Ways to Become Better Partners

Troubled relationships with parenting partners are all too common. Whether parenting with a partner who sleeps next to you at night, co-parenting with an ex, or even sharing the responsibility of raising a child with grandparents, it is normal to experience ups and downs in the relationship. If you are struggling with parenting together, it is important to work towards repairing your parenting relationship in order to become better partners. Parenting is fraught with daily stresses, and our conversations can very easily sound like this:

Didn’t I tell you they need to get dressed by 8am? It’s 8:30!
How can you let them watch TV when I literally just said they can’t?!

Why do I feel like I’m doing everything and you’re doing nothing?

Sound familiar? You might find it increasingly challenging to manage workingkeeping house, and managing your child’s extracurricular activities. And because of that, your relationship with your parenting partner may be on the rocks. Here are 5 ways to help you repair that relationship and become a better parenting partner:

  1. Practice effective communication. Effective communication is key. Instead of using negative language or showing frustration, try kind and clear communication to raise healthy and secure kids. For example, instead of yelling, “You never help me when I need you to!”, try calmly saying, “I feel overwhelmed because I have a meeting in five minutes. Can you help me by [insert your specific request]?” Repairing your parenting relationship starts with effective communication.
  2. Be strategic.Strategic planning is another important aspect of parenting together. Treat your parenting tasks like business goals, especially when issues arise. Create a schedule, prepare an agenda, have objectives, exchange relevant information with your partner, and keep them in the loop. Work together to come up with solutions that benefit both partners. Repairing your parenting relationship means being strategic in your approach.
  3. Cultivate an atmosphere of respect. Communicating with respect is one of the fundamental values of conscious parenting. As parenting partners, model respectful behavior in how you talk to and about each other. Avoid trash-talking your partner or undermining their authority, especially in front of your child. Repairing your parenting relationship starts with respect for each other.
  4. Agree to be consistent. Consistency is also crucial. Consistency is key for children. Shifting from one set of rules and expectations to another can be confusing for them. Apply consistency to bedtimes, chores, and study and play periods. Get on the same page about what’s permitted and what isn’t. Once you’ve made your decisions, stick to them and be consistent. Repairing your parenting relationship requires consistency in your approach.
  5. Chill out. Lastly, taking time to relax is important. Overextending yourself in too many directions can make you tired, overwhelmed, and cranky. For the sake of your partner, child, and yourself, create time in your schedule to kick back and relax. Even a few minutes of quiet time can make a big difference in diffusing high-emotion moments and bringing peace to your home life. Repairing your parenting relationship also means taking care of yourself and each other.

Parenting together can be challenging, but by using effective communication, strategic planning, cultivating an atmosphere of respect, being consistent, and taking time to relax, you can minimize meltdowns, create successful outcomes, and bring peace to your household. By repairing your parenting relationship, you and your partner can become better partners and raise healthy and happy children together.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S.: Looking for more weekly guidance? Join me in my private Facebook group for tips every Tuesday!

 

Categories
Best Practices Growth Health and Wellness Leadership Personal Development

Feeling anxious? This Can Help.

Remember your child as a baby? When they accidentally hit their head on the side of the crib or get startled awake by a loud noise? Seconds tick by slowly as you wait for the sound of that gulp for air — usually followed by a piercing cry.

Breathing: it’s probably the most hard-wired, involuntary function we do as human beings. Every creature, great or small, breathes. Breathing gives us life, and we don’t even have to think about doing it — you inhale and exhale as reflexively as your heart beats in your chest.

But despite the fact that breath keeps us alive, we tend to take it for granted.

The Harvard Business Review and the Yale News both recently conducted studies revealing the effectiveness of SKY Breath Meditation, a breathing modality that engages the parasympathetic nervous system — the part of your brain that controls rational thinking, gives you a sense of calm and provides balance in stressful situations. Participants in both studies reported a better sense of well-being and mental health after just two days of practicing the methods.

As someone who has been trained in SKY Breath Meditation for 10 years, I can attest that breath does so much more than supply your body with oxygen. The way you breathe can have a big influence on how you feel and experience the world.

If you’ve been stressed, depressed, or overwhelmed — by current events, the holiday season, or your kid’s insistence on listening to “Baby Shark” on repeat — you’re not alone.

Here are some tips to help you literally catch a breather (share them with your child too!):

  • Deeper inhales and longer exhales. What happens when your child cries? Their breaths turn to hiccups. The same thing happens when we feel stressed or sad. When you start breathing rapidly, consciously focus on taking deep inhales and long exhales. Count to 4 for inhales, 8 for exhales (or as close as you can comfortably get). The fog in your brain will clear up in seconds.
  • Do some quick, light stretching. Pressured by deadlines at work and the mounting pile of laundry at home? Take 5 minutes for a quick stretch break. Full-body activities like a yoga sun salutation get your blood flowing with good oxygen and help relieve stress.
  • Carve out time for meditation. Ten minutes is ample time for you to feel the positive effects of your breathing/meditation practice. Don’t have 10 minutes? Take 2 minutes, if that’s what you have. Find a quiet spot to sit in and breathe deeply. Check out our work with America Meditates by Art of Living.

Learning to control your breath can help rid your body of stress and flood you with positive energy. Not only will you feel more in control of yourself, but you’re also providing an excellent model for your children about the importance of self-care.

Supportive breathing is just one technique for becoming the parent you want to be. If you’re interested in true parenting transformation check out the 90 Day Parenting Reset Program.

Love and Blessings,
Katherine

PS To start 2023, we’re offering you 70% off of ANY of our supplemental parenting tools! That includes the Ultimate Parenting Toolbox, Applying Solutions Mini Course, and our Conscious Parenting Kickstart! Just go to our Conscious Parenting Revolution site and use the code TAKE ACTION at checkout. I’m so excited to dive deeper into this journey with you!

Categories
Growth Personal Development Skills

How Do You Cope with A Hyperactive Child

As every parent of a hyperactive child knows, no two days are the same. While we love our lively offspring with all our hearts, some days make your heart sing, while others can have you on your knees.

Knowing how to minimize meltdowns and misunderstandings comes with experience, but with the guidance parenting technique, you can incorporate tips into your family life that will not only sow the seeds for harmony but help you all flourish.

Many children with attention deficit disorder (ADD) and/or a hyperactive personality can be impulsive, restless, and find it hard to focus. They can also have mood swings and jump from one thing to another. This can have the knock-on effect of them finding it difficult in several situations:

  • Following instructions
  • Focusing on schoolwork
  • Completing tasks
  • Being organized
  • Social interaction

But their behavior and reaction to situations are often stemming from the internal rather than the external – they’re not just ‘acting up,’ despite what others may think. And let’s face it, 2020 is shaping up to be a head-burner for the most level-headed of us, so you need to go easy on your little people! So what can we do to help them navigate this confusing world?

Here are my Top 5 Tips When it Comes to Coping With a Hyperactive Child

Find a constructive way to channel your child’s energy

Children need to be active, especially hyperactive ones, so find a way that incorporates burning off energy with something fun. Does your child like soccer, martial arts, to read, or is obsessed with a particular topic or animal? Whether you sign them up to a craft activity, afterschool sports club, or make your own games, there are many ways to keep them busy and engaged – and often while they’re still learning. Focusing on sensory and/or play-based activities helps boost their concentration, memory skills, and skill development.

Treat Your Child as an Equal

Ever heard that horrid expression, “Children should be seen and not heard?” It’s an old adage drawn from the Victorian era, and that’s precisely where it should remain! In the olden days, when the world was still black and white, some people thought that showering affection on their children could ‘spoil’ them – the same as holding a baby “too much.” We’ve moved on since then, and research shows quite the opposite. Nurturing and trusting, dependable relationships are imperative for optimal early brain development. In the early months of a child’s emotional development, learning and attachment are woven together. Studies show that when the skin is stimulated from being held, it fires up the right side of the brain, whereby the child learns to trust. It’s crucial for this to happen so that individuals can learn. You should never try and mute a hyperactive and headstrong child.

Routine, Routine, Routine

An army-type regimen of strict rules and regulations can be too stifling for a hyperactive child. But having a regular routine, and keeping everyone on the same page and helping your child feel safe and secure. It could be as simple as waking up, going to bed, brushing teeth and having meals at the same time every day, and/or tasking them with chores. Hyperactive kids like to know what is ‘happening next,’ and it can help prevent boredom.

Be Your Child’s Advocate

When your hyperactive child is diagnosed (or suspected), everyone in your life suddenly becomes an expert on ADD. Parents, in-laws, siblings, teachers, well-meaning friends, the person in the shop down the road… even the way the dog raises his eyebrow can have you wondering if he’s silently judging you! You know your child best, and know what will and won’t work. And with the help of those closest to you and professionals and teachers, you can formulate a plan and ongoing strategy. Don’t be afraid to tell people to back off (however you want to phrase it) when their ‘help’ is unwelcome and potentially damaging.

Don’t Let Your Child Get Overtired

Fatigue makes children ‘testy’ at the best of times, and parents! When your hyperactive child is exhausted or overtired, they can lose self-control. Research shows that ten to 15 percent of children with ADD have trouble getting to sleep, which is twice the rate of those who aren’t hyperactive. Sticking to regular rest and bedtimes can help combat this. If your child is tired (maybe from physical activity or mental stimulation), let your child sleep or have quiet time if required.

Manage Aggression

Sudden defiant and aggressive outbursts can be frequent with hyperactive children. Up to 40 percent of children with ADD are estimated to be diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). This can result in a pattern of disruptive, angry, and violent behavior. This can also include disruptive behaviors towards authority figures, parents, caretakers, and your child’s peers. ODD tends to be most common in boys before puberty but is equally common in both genders afterward. Working with a guidance parenting coach and cognitive therapist can help you handle your child’s behavior. Remember too that a child whose needs for autonomy and self-direction are being trampled over will appear as though they have ODD. They don’t! They are in the 3R’s (retaliation, rebellion and resistance).

Use ‘Guidance Discipline’ Instead of ‘Traditional’ Discipline

Most children, not just hyperactive ones, respond better with guided discipline, i.e. non-authoritarian discipline. While this kind of discipline can be more time consuming, your child will feel like they’re being treated respectfully and listening to them. This keeps the lines of communication open and means your child will be more cooperative than combative. The key points with guidance discipline are to have a strategy, use positive guidance, and ensure it’s carried out in a nurturing environment. You also need to be mindful of how your child is likely to respond. Remember, how you treat your child is, ultimately, how they learn to manage themselves. For tips on how to use guidance discipline, read the blog I recently wrote about it here.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

It sounds simple, but with a hyperactive child, it’s essential to pick your battles. Losing your cool and shouting at a child suffering from ADD will only cause them to get more anxious and do more harm than good. Sick of always asking them to brush their teeth, put on their socks, shoes, tidy their room, etc? If they’re struggling with following these instructions, help them if you can. Make the activity fun, or offering a distraction or multiple choice can help, i.e, “Would you rather tidy up your room now or in an hour?” It’s also important to accept your child’s limitations but encourage their potential, and not compare them to siblings or peers, especially when it comes to their achievements.

Ask for Help

While everyone has tough days if it’s getting too much and struggling and feeling overwhelmed, reach out for help. You’re probably already getting advice from doctors and specialists. If not, make an appointment with one and keep searching until you find ‘the right fit.’ Don’t be afraid to lean on family and friends too.

You can also glean tips from a parenting coach or reconnect with your child by signing up for a course such as my Guidance Approach to Parenting, which begins September 28th, 2020.

If you enjoyed this blog, check out my blog post to identify if your child is suffering from anxiety. Click here now.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership Personal Development

Is Your Teen Rebelling, Resisting, and Retaliating?

Is your teenager’s defiant behavior ruling your family life?

The teenage years are challenging, leaving many parents and caregivers at a loss. But in fact, there’s a perfectly legitimate explanation for their behavior. During adolescence, humans begin developing their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for making judgments, weighing pros and cons, and managing emotional responses.

This critical part of the brain continues developing until the mid-20s, making it difficult for teenagers to think critically and manage their moods. Research even shows that teens often misread cues and facial expressions…and are more likely to interpret them as being shocked or angry.

Yikes! Combined with the flood of new hormones coursing through their bodies, it’s no wonder your teen walks around constantly sighing, rolling their eyes, and slamming doors!

17

Understanding the Three Rs

According to child psychologist Dr. Louise Porter, who I co-authored the Guidance Approach to Parenting with, 75% of family disruptions result from what Dr. Thomas Gordon called the Three Rs: Resistance, Rebellion, and Retaliation.

When your child refuses to walk beside you at the mall, they’re resisting. When they go to a party instead of doing their homework, they’re rebelling. When they’re aggressive with their siblings because they feel misunderstood, they’re retaliating.

Teens’ defiant behavior is a reaction to power and control being imposed over them and is the classic activation of those 3Rs mentioned above. The lack of control over their emotions and bodies, combined with their legitimate need for self-direction and autonomy that is thwarted by many parents, causes them to “act out.”

As parents, we owe it to our teenagers to practice empathy and do our best to understand where they’re coming from. To combat normal but challenging behaviors, we have to give them the autonomy they crave while still ensuring their safety and well-being

18

7 Practical Tips for Managing Your Teen’s Behavior

The 3Rs can be eliminated by using the Guidance Approach to Parenting.  The reason the 3Rs surface is that controlling discipline activates them. The way to prevent them from surfacing is to never activate them in the first place. My TEDx talk, “The Rebellion is Here: We Created It and We Can Solve It,” has more detail about how the process works.

These practical tips can make a world of difference: 

1. When tempers rise, disengage. If your teen is defensive or upset, postpone heavy conversations for a later time. Give them space to calm down and think things over. You’ll benefit from this space, too.

2. Set age-appropriate guidelines. Give your teenagers the independence they crave, setting age-appropriate guidelines. What’s reasonable for a 13-year-old is probably too restrictive for a 16-year-old, so use your judgment and be open to feedback. Create solutions together, seeking clarity so everyone’s on the same page: “So are you saying you would feel better if I let you do your own thing from 2-5 pm on Saturdays, as long as you tell me where you’re going and with whom?”

3. Find common ground. Connect with your child by finding activities you both enjoy. Watch a movie together, go get ice cream, or play a favorite sport. Engaging in shared interests fosters a positive environment for meaningful connection. If your teen starts opening up about their life, listen and invite them to tell you more! Be careful not to use the 12 roadblocks to communication or will go awry!

Is Your Teen Rebelling, Resisting, and Retaliating

4. Respond, don’t react. When your teenager confides in you for the first time about, say, a boy they’re interested in, resist the urge to freak out! Drop the “my baby” perspective and be as objective as you can. Give advice like you would to a friend, assuring your teen that they can talk to you about anything—even the uncomfortable stuff.

5. Avoid phrases like “You never” and “You always.” Nothing sparks defensiveness more than the words “never” and “always.” Reframe your language to be non-accusatory. Instead of, “You’re always late for school!” say “I’ve received some reports about lateness from your school; is everything okay?”

6. Respect their privacy. With so much happening in their minds and bodies, teens can be extremely self-conscious about, well, everything. Respect their budding sense of self. That means no snooping in bedrooms, phones, laptops, or social media. Build trust with your teen, and they’ll feel empowered to tell you what’s going on.

7. Help them understand the changes in their body. Teens are better equipped at handling physiological changes when they’re fully aware of what’s happening. If they don’t want to talk to you about these changes, enlist the help of a trusted family member, friend, or counselor.

As your teenager navigates this complex period in their lives, it’s critical for parents to provide the support they desperately need.

Still feeling daunted? Parents need support, too! Our private FB community can help you chart these churning waters. Join us inside the Facebook Group for Tuesday Tips for Parents, Tuesdays at 6:10 pm PST. Our team of coaches streams in live every week to answer all your parenting questions.

Categories
Leadership

Should parents always present a united front?

Did you ever catch that children’s program, Bananas in Pajamas? The main characters are two bananas, B1 and B2, who are identical in every way. They walk the same, talk the same, and very often think the same! B1 and B2 are always aligned, and they live in the kind of harmonious home that could ONLY exist on a kid’s TV show.

The Banana family is unknowingly helping to perpetuate the myth of the united front. I’ve worked with thousands of parents in the last 20 years, and most of them believe that parents should be in total agreement when it comes to making decisions about their kids. Like identical twin bananas, they strive to feel, think, and react the same way to their children.

Child: Can I go to a friend’s house this weekend?
Parents: (In unison) Yes!

Child: Can I eat this block of chocolate for dinner?
Parents: (United) No!

Child: Can you teach me to square dance?
Parents: (At the same time) Maybe later.

 

You get my point.

The problem is that the united front isn’t real! You and your parenting partner are two distinct human beings. You each have your own history, upbringing, and unique set of experiences. You’re probably unconsciously passing down behaviors and beliefs you learned as a child, long before you met your partner or became a parent. Your opinions may be influenced by deeply held beliefs about age, gender, propriety, and other factors. You might feel the way you do because of what you ate for breakfast.

In short, it’s I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E to agree with your partner on every single issue or question around raising your kids. Trying to present a united front is not only exhausting, it’s inauthentic.

At the same time, you don’t want to get into a pattern where your child runs from one parent to the other, only respecting the answer they want to hear. What’s a conscious parent to do?

  1. Be honest. If you disagree with your partner on certain issues when it comes to your kids, be transparent with them about your feelings. Ignoring your differences will cause more trouble later on. Discuss your own childhoods and how your experiences have shaped you to react differently.
  2. Show your support. You can have a different opinion than your partner without undermining them. For example, “I’d love to play music right now, but Daddy needs to work” is a better explanation for your child than “Your Dad says we can’t play music right now. He’s no fun.”
  3. Forget good cop, bad cop. No one’s “good” or “bad” for feeling one way or another. Learn to honor your individuality in front of your children while respecting your partner’s feelings (and your child’s). It will teach them to do the same.

I hope you’re ready to lay the myth of the united front to rest!

If you’d like to join a community of parents who don’t always agree but still support one another, check out the Conscious Parenting Revolution Facebook group!

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Ask Katherine: How do I get my kids to read?

 

  1. Pick a genre they’re interested in. Is your child into animals and insects? Try recommending “Charlotte’s Web” or “Babe.” Do they love a good adventure? “Chronicles of Narnia” might be right up their alley! Capture their attention with topics and genres they already enjoy.
  2. Create a cozy reading nook. Whether it’s a small tent in the living room or a pile of pillows in the bedroom, create a space dedicated to reading. Children love having their own space to enjoy. Make one rule, though: in order to use the reading nook, they actually have to read.
  3. Surround them with reading material. If a kid grows up surrounded by candy, chances are high that they’ll like candy. The same rhetoric applies to reading: when your children have easy access to books, they’ll be more likely to pick one up.

[eut_single_image image_type=”image-link” image_mode=”medium” image=”32023″ link=”url:https%3A%2F%2Fc-suitenetwork.com%2Fexecutive-membership|||”] 4.Make reading a family habit. Children model their parent’s behavior, so make reading a shared activity for the entire family (yes, that includes Mom and Dad). Schedule an hour or two on the weekends just for books. You can even join your kids in their reading nook!

5.Read aloud. Reading aloud can make a story more engaging. Take turns reading chapters or assign a specific character to each family member. You can also try audiobooks, many of which have fun voice narration to captivate even the most distractible audiences.

6.Make reading fun. Create fun activities centered around reading. For your outdoorsy boys, a bike ride to the library might do the trick! Older children may enjoy starting a book club with their friends or cousins. They can even host their “club meetings” out on the lawn or over Zoom!

[eut_single_image image_type=”image-link” image_mode=”medium” image=”32020″ link=”url:https%3A%2F%2Fc-suitenetwork.com%2Fexecutive-membership|||”]

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Is Your Teen Rebelling, Resisting, and Retaliating?

Is your teenager’s defiant behavior ruling your family life?

The teenage years are challenging, leaving many parents and caregivers at a loss. But in fact, there’s a perfectly legitimate explanation for their behavior. During adolescence, humans begin developing their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for making judgments, weighing pros and cons, and managing emotional responses.

This critical part of the brain continues developing until the mid-20s, making it difficult for teenagers to think critically and manage their moods. Research even shows that teens often misread cues and facial expressions…and are more likely to interpret them as being shocked or angry.

Yikes! Combined with the flood of new hormones coursing through their bodies, it’s no wonder your teen walks around constantly sighing, rolling their eyes, and slamming doors!

17

Understanding the Three Rs

According to child psychologist Dr. Louise Porter, who I co-authored the Guidance Approach to Parenting with, 75% of family disruptions result from what Dr. Thomas Gordon called the Three Rs: Resistance, Rebellion, and Retaliation.

When your child refuses to walk beside you at the mall, they’re resisting. When they go to a party instead of doing their homework, they’re rebelling. When they’re aggressive with their siblings because they feel misunderstood, they’re retaliating.

Teens’ defiant behavior is a reaction to power and control being imposed over them and is the classic activation of those 3Rs mentioned above. The lack of control over their emotions and bodies, combined with their legitimate need for self-direction and autonomy that is thwarted by many parents, causes them to “act out.”

As parents, we owe it to our teenagers to practice empathy and do our best to understand where they’re coming from. To combat normal but challenging behaviors, we have to give them the autonomy they crave while still ensuring their safety and well-being

18

7 Practical Tips for Managing Your Teen’s Behavior

The 3Rs can be eliminated by using the Guidance Approach to Parenting.  The reason the 3Rs surface is that controlling discipline activates them. The way to prevent them from surfacing is to never activate them in the first place. My TEDx talk, “The Rebellion is Here: We Created It and We Can Solve It,” has more detail about how the process works.

These practical tips can make a world of difference: 

1. When tempers rise, disengage. If your teen is defensive or upset, postpone heavy conversations for a later time. Give them space to calm down and think things over. You’ll benefit from this space, too.

2. Set age-appropriate guidelines. Give your teenagers the independence they crave, setting age-appropriate guidelines. What’s reasonable for a 13-year-old is probably too restrictive for a 16-year-old, so use your judgment and be open to feedback. Create solutions together, seeking clarity so everyone’s on the same page: “So are you saying you would feel better if I let you do your own thing from 2-5 pm on Saturdays, as long as you tell me where you’re going and with whom?”

3. Find common ground. Connect with your child by finding activities you both enjoy. Watch a movie together, go get ice cream, or play a favorite sport. Engaging in shared interests fosters a positive environment for meaningful connection. If your teen starts opening up about their life, listen and invite them to tell you more! Be careful not to use the 12 roadblocks to communication or will go awry!

Is Your Teen Rebelling, Resisting, and Retaliating

4. Respond, don’t react. When your teenager confides in you for the first time about, say, a boy they’re interested in, resist the urge to freak out! Drop the “my baby” perspective and be as objective as you can. Give advice like you would to a friend, assuring your teen that they can talk to you about anything—even the uncomfortable stuff.

5. Avoid phrases like “You never” and “You always.” Nothing sparks defensiveness more than the words “never” and “always.” Reframe your language to be non-accusatory. Instead of, “You’re always late for school!” say “I’ve received some reports about lateness from your school; is everything okay?”

6. Respect their privacy. With so much happening in their minds and bodies, teens can be extremely self-conscious about, well, everything. Respect their budding sense of self. That means no snooping in bedrooms, phones, laptops, or social media. Build trust with your teen, and they’ll feel empowered to tell you what’s going on.

7. Help them understand the changes in their body. Teens are better equipped at handling physiological changes when they’re fully aware of what’s happening. If they don’t want to talk to you about these changes, enlist the help of a trusted family member, friend, or counselor.

As your teenager navigates this complex period in their lives, it’s critical for parents to provide the support they desperately need.

Still feeling daunted? Parents need support, too! Our private FB community can help you chart these churning waters. Join us inside the Facebook Group for Tuesday Tips for Parents, Tuesdays at 6:10 pm PST. Our team of coaches streams in live every week to answer all your parenting questions.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Ask Katherine: My kids won’t stand up for themselves

Dear Katherine,

My children are the targets of bullying on social media. These bullies make up rumors and spread lies about my kids, and I can see the effects of this cruelty weighing on them.

I have ideas for confronting the bullies, but my kids don’t want to talk about the situation at all.
I want to get through to them and offer guidance, but I’ve hit a real roadblock.
What can I do?

Sincerely,
On Their Side

Hey there, On Their Side.

My heart goes out to you–dealing with bullying is hard for kids and parents alike. I’m reading two primary concerns in your message: that you want your children to open up to you more and that they’re not standing up for themselves.

Let’s address each one:

  1. Getting your children to open up to you

First and foremost, you need to find a way to get through to your kids and address the bullying. The best way is to employ your active listening skills. If they’re still resisting your attempts to communicate, show them that you empathize with what they’re going through.

Acknowledge how hard these conversations are for them and that they’re in a crummy situation. Assure your kids that you understand their side — including their hesitancy to stand up for themselves.

After you’ve demonstrated that you’re an understanding parent, move on to a protective use of force. Your kids’ well-being and reputation are at stake, and they shouldn’t allow this problem to go on without trying to handle it. You can assert yourself without coming off as angry or demanding. Try saying something like. . .

“I can tell this situation is really hard for you because you don’t even want to talk to me about it. But I can’t just leave it alone because your reputation and well-being are on the line. I love you too much to allow you to forsake those things because you want to avoid a difficult conversation.”

  1. Encouraging your children to be more assertive

Now we can move on to your next concern: How can you help your kids be more assertive? The answer is simple: Model the behavior you wish to see.

Young children can’t practice what they don’t observe. If your kids witness you standing up for yourself, they’ll be able to replicate that behavior.

Ask Katherine: My kids won’t stand up for themselves

Parent-child communication helps here, too. Talk to your children about the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Explain that being assertive means using I-statements, like “I feel” and “I need.” In contrast, aggressive behavior is associated with you-statements, like “You’re mean.”

I wish you the best as you navigate this challenging time in your kids’ lives. You sound like a genuinely supportive parent. With your help, your children will be able to confront this issue and eventually overcome it.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

 

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Practical Advice for Any Parenting Challenge

Parenting is a constant learning curve. Just when you’ve finally resolved one issue, your kids grow up! And another challenge arises.

No matter where you are in your parenting journey, we’re here to support you. To make things easy, we curated some of our most popular blog posts to help you through any difficult situation. 

Sit back, relax, and choose a topic that speaks to you to start creating a happier and healthier relationship with your kids.

 

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If you need additional support, you’ve come to the right place. Join the Conscious Parenting Revolution private Facebook group for even more community!  And you can join Tuesday Tips for Parents every week on Tuesday at 6:10 pm Pacific time when Katherine, Lauren, and Nam stream into the private Facebook group live and offer Tuesday Tips for Parents.  Come and join us!  Ask your questions in the comments box and we will address them.