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Employing Your Children

As the IRS website states: “One of the advantages of operating your own business is hiring family members.” That family member can be a spouse, sibling, parent, or even a child (between the ages of 3-18). In fact, while hiring a child may not seem like a top- of-mind move for many businesses owners, if you play by the rules there can be a surprisingly broad array of tax benefits to doing so!

With the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act increasing the Standard Deduction up to $12,200.00 (in 2019), children employed in a family business can earn that much in income and enjoy a zero-tax rate on their income. In addition, many states will also permit children employed in the business to avoid unemployment (FUTA) taxes and children working for their parents’ sole proprietorship, partnership, or LLC, may also avoid employment (FICA) taxes as well , which can be a material tax savings for many families, especially those with high-income parental business owners. This allows you to reduce the amount of income you need to take home personally by $12,200.00 per child which results in paying less in personal taxes.

Furthermore, employing a child in the business also creates earned income that can qualify the child to make a Roth IRA contribution, and/or qualify the child for other employee benefits. This means that you can take $6,000.00 of the $12,200.00 and place it in a Roth IRA, which will grow completely tax free until your child is able to withdraw it at the age of 59.5 years of age. Just one of the many ways to create Generational Wealth.

With the remaining $6,200.00, it can be put into a children’s bank account with parental control and used to cover things like, Sports, Band, Dance, and other hobbies your child or children may enjoy. When you personally cover these expenses, they are not tax deductible to you as an individual. 

Although the caveat is that employing a child in the business still requires that he/she d o bona fide, age-appropriate work in the business for a “reasonable” wage. The work must also comply with the Federal Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA) rules which fortunately are flexible for parents employing their children in their own wholly-parental-owned business and state child labor laws as well. 

Let me qualify the above. If your LLC or Corporation is taxed as a “C” Elected or “S” Elected company, you will need to withhold taxes just like any other employee. 

Let’s discuss how you can implement this in your business, contact our offices at 775-384-8124 or send an email to contact@controllersltd.com 

Much Success, 

Scott L. Arden, CEO 

Controllers, Ltd. 


Body Language Parenting Skills Women In Business

Compassionate Communication: A Primer on Conscious Parenting Language

With President’s Weekend in my home country, the United States, upon us, I wanted to touch on communication. Whether you’re leading a household or a country, great leadership stems from great communication.

There’s a verse in the Bible that states, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” This proverb encapsulates what we already know to be true: words hold a lot of weight. What we say—and how we say it—can have an enormous effect on those around us.

At the Conscious Parenting Revolution, one of our core teachings is effective and compassionate communication. We repair family relationships by teaching parents and children methods and tools for listening with love and speaking from the heart.

Our conscious parenting vocabulary revolves around supportive communication. The goal of this approach is to build others up and never tear them down no matter what situation you find yourself in—calm or stressful, charged or joyful.

If you often find yourself at a loss for words when communicating with your children, here is some basic conscious parenting language to use for effective, life-giving communication.

Compassionate Communication: A Primer on Conscious Parenting Language

Situation: You’re caught in an argument or a tense circumstance

CPR Language: Instead of “You always” or “You never,” say “It seems/feels.” 

When you find yourself at what could be the start of a heated argument with your child, take a moment to step back and reframe what you’re about to say.

Instead of the usual accusatory, “You never clean your room,” try something less aggressive like, “It seems that you’re having a hard time keeping your room tidy.”

Words like “never” and “always” put your child in defensive mode, which could result in them shutting you out. Rephrase your words so your kid feels encouraged to open up and tell you the true root of the problem.

Situation: A celebratory occasion, such as your child receiving high grades at school

CPR Language: Instead of, “You’re so smart,” say, “Congratulations! I admire how hard you worked on that!” 

One of the communication methods we teach is using acknowledgement instead of praise.

Praising a child for their intelligence or outward appearance teaches them to measure their self-worth based on superficial traits and external factors.

Acknowledgement, on the other hand, allows a child to connect to their own sense of accomplishment. It helps them become self-aware of their competencies and tap into how they feel about themselves. 

Situation: Your child exhibited bad behavior

CPR Language: Instead of, “As punishment you’ll…,” say, “Can you tell me what made you act/react in this way?”

Simply punishing bad behavior never addresses the root of the problem. Rather than resorting to punishment, ask your child why they acted a certain way.

Was there a misunderstanding? Did they feel unheard, unseen, hungry, sad, or some other negative emotion? Once your child explains what caused their behavior, work on finding a solution together.

Situation: Describing your kid’s behavior

CPR Language: Instead of, “You’re a mess,” say, “You made a mess.”

There’s a big difference between telling your child their behavior was irresponsible and making them feel like they are irresponsible.

Your words have a major impact on your children! So use non-blameful descriptions of their behavior and avoid labeling them in a negative way that can undermine their self-confidence or self-love.

Situation: You lost your temper/lashed out/made a mistake

CPR Language: “I’m sorry.”

Traditional parenting says that parents should never apologize to their children. But our kids are human, too, and they deserve an apology when we’re in the wrong.

Saying the words, “I’m sorry,” lets your kid know that their parent is, in fact, human. It also sets you both on a path of mending and healing.

Words have the power to bring comfort and devastation, joy and pain. Let’s do our best to communicate with our children with the love and compassion they deserve.

Love and Blessings,


P.S. Want a chance to practice your new Conscious Parenting vocabulary? Join our private Facebook group to connect with like-minded parents around the world. We run live impromptu Tips for Parents in that private facebook group, join and request to be alerted when we go live and you can ask your individual questions.



Body Language Growth Leadership Negotiations Parenting

Are You Listening to Your Child’s Side of the Story?

Stop me if this scenario sounds familiar:

You’re minding your own business when suddenly the phone rings.

The person on the other end of the line—perhaps a teacher or a camp counselor—has called to inform you that your child is acting out.

Your face flushes with shame and humiliation and embarrassment. You assume their account must be accurate.

When our children display inappropriate behavior in public (getting into a fight at soccer practice or throwing a toy at a daycare teacher), our first impulse is often to apologize on their behalf, then shamefully slink away to reprimand or punish them at home.

How often do you stop and ask for your child’s side of the story?

Anger and Shame Prevent Parents from Listening to Their Kids

I remember a time when I was on my way to my daughter Pia’s Girl Scout camp.

There had been a fight with another girl in which Pia allegedly shoved her. To punish Pia, the camp counselor put her in “detention” in one of the cottages.

I drove to the campground upset and concerned.

I know my daughter, and she doesn’t just push people out of nowhere.

What was Pia’s unheard side of the story? How was she managing her feelings about being isolated, made to think she was the “bad one”?

I wondered what could have been the catalyst in order for this response to be evoked.

As soon as I saw Pia, upset and sitting alone, I knew my gut feeling had been spot on.

When I asked  “Honey, what happened?” between her tears she said, “I just want to go, I just want to go!”

Even though she just wanted to get out of there, I knew that if we did, she would leave with her tail between her legs.

Her side of the story would never be acknowledged or understood,  At such a young age, she would already begin to develop a bad reputation.

This is when I used what we call the protective use of force.

I said, “I won’t let you develop a negative reputation, and I know your side of the situation and your perspective has not been heard or understood. I will take you home, but we can’t leave until your side is understood too.”

“Mom, she was bullying me and calling me names in front of all the other girls. I was so embarrassed and humiliated, and I asked her over and over again to stop calling me names. But she wouldn’t stop bullying me!” Pia explained between her big sobs.

“I didn’t know what else to do and so I swung my arm out and said stop it! Then I was the one who got in trouble!!” My daughter sobbed and sobbed. She was so confused about what she should have done when someone was bullying her.

You can imagine what happened next.

I talked to the camp counselor (who didn’t think of asking my daughter her side of the story!) and facilitated a reconciliation between the two girls.

Needless to say, Pia didn’t need to be put into detention.

I learned a valuable life lesson that day: there are two sides to every story.

If I had barged into the scene angry and humiliated, Pia would have felt attacked and more misunderstood and she wouldn’t have trusted me enough to tell me what really happened.

That’s not to say that every time your child does something “wrong” it will be a misunderstanding or an honest mistake.

But there will be an unmet need causing their behavior.

If you can get their side of the story, you’ll find ways to resolve the situation and move forward.

As parents, it’s our duty to put aside our own feelings of shame about what other people might think and always, always listen to our children.

Love and Blessings,


P.S. The wise Brené Brown says “shame cannot survive being spoken.” If you’ve got shame or guilt you need to unburden, check out our private Facebook group to find a safe environment of other parents ready to support you.

Human Resources Parenting Personal Development Skills

5 Mindfulness techniques you can use with your kids

What is mindfulness? If it’s something you have never tried before, it’s a way of focusing your awareness on the present moment. And at the same time, you calmly acknowledge and accept your feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. It’s used as a therapeutic technique. So right now, it’s something that can really help you stay calm as we deal with all the uncertainty around us.

Mindfulness has lots of amazing benefits. From decreasing your stress to improving your mood. It can also help with emotional regulation. And that’s not just for adults. Your child can experience these benefits, as well. However, you are no doubt thinking, ‘Get my kids to sit down and meditate? Are you crazy?’ Well, there are ways you can help your children be mindful. You just have to make it fun.

While your kids don’t have the same stresses as adults, they often don’t connect with their feelings. With all the activities they do and the time they spend on their phones and tablets, they are often mindlessly going through the day. This means the only time they are checking in with themselves is when they have a tantrum or meltdown. And that leads to you being even more stressed out than you were before.

Mindfulness can help your children check in with their emotions and recognize them. Research shows that practicing mindfulness with children helps them increase their focus, decrease stress and anxiety, and can enable positive prosocial behavior. It can also be a great way to connect with your child and find a moment of tranquility. And they can be few and far between right now.

Here are five great ways you can introduce mindfulness to your children. And you will both reap the rewards.

5 Easy Mindfulness Techniques For Your Kids

  1. Breathing exercise

Meditation is essentially about sitting down and focusing on your own breath. What does it feel and sound like? Now your child might struggle with sitting still for longer than a matter of seconds. How do you combat that? You can use colorful pillows and play some soft music to create an atmosphere of calm and love. This will also get them interested. You can ask them to pretend they can smell something really nice, like flowers or a cake. As they take a deep breath in, they can then pretend to blow out candles or a ‘dandelion clock’ as they breathe out. Ask your child to think about their tummy rising and falling. Start by keeping it short, aim for 10. Then you can increase the time.

  1. Notice 5 things around you

When you consciously notice the world around you, it can help bring you back to the present. This is very helpful when you are feeling overwhelmed by stress or emotion. Noticing five things you can see brings you back to the present.

You can turn this into a game for your kids. Sit down with your child wherever you are and explain you want to play the “notice five things” game. Then you call out five things you can see around you, and ask your child to try it too. Then you can explain this can help if they are ever feeling upset. You can also try saying, noticing five things you can hear.

This game brings your child back to the now. It works really effectively if your kids are already relaxed and ready to learn. With regular practice, your child will soon be calling on this tool to help with stress or losing control.

  1. Encourage your child to embrace all their feelings

No matter how hard you try to keep your children calm, they w

ill, at some point, throw a tantrum. Mindfulness can enable them to learn how to accept their feelings without judgement. As a parent, you need to set an example in this.

Of course, if your child is in the middle of the grocery store screaming blue murder, you are just as upset as they are. So easier said than done. But if you try and see past their behavior, acknowledge your reaction, take some deep breaths yourself, that is the first step to calming everything down.=

Don’t try and get them to do meditative breathing while they are throwing a hissy fit. This will not go down well! And it won’t work. Instead, wait until they have calmed down a little. Then talk to them about their feelings, and the unmet needs behind those feelings. You can then do some breathing and discuss how you can both look at solutions for dealing with it the next time. And there will be more than likely, next time!

  1. Drop anchor

In this exercise, you stand across from your child. Stand with your feet firmly on the floor around shoulder-width apart, and show them how to do it. Then demonstrate how to push down through your feet so you can feel the ground steady beneath you. Ask, ‘How do your leg muscles feel when you push down?’

Then ask your child to tune in to different parts of their body

, starting with the head. Ask, “How does it feel?’ You work down through the whole body so your child can feel the weight of gravity connecting them to the earth.

Once you have done that together, ask what they can notice around them. This is essentially a way of linking back to the earth around you and feeling more grounded in the present.

  1. Silence game

The silence game has been practiced in Montessori classrooms around the world for many years. This mindfulness practice asks children to be as quiet as they can. And it’s not just with their voices, it’s with their bodies as well. It’s good to aim for a minute, to begin with, asking kids to be as quiet and still as they can.

When the game ends, speak in a soft voice and ask your kids what they heard or saw while they experienced the quiet. Then ask them to keep that calm, peaceful feeling during their next activity, and if they can for the rest of the day.

In conclusion, these simple games and activities are an excellent way for you and your child to connect differently. They will help them build tools to center themselves when they feel stressed or out of sorts.

Mindfulness is a way you and your child can experience calm to

gether. It will also alleviate those feelings of nervousness and anxiety, which we are all dealing with during the coronavirus.

Don’t approach mindfulness with too many expectations. This means you’re living in the future, and mindfulness is about the present.

But if you encourage your child to embrace these methods, they will also start learning the necessary tools to self-regulate. If you practice regularly, your kids will feel happier and more peaceful. And so will you.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine Sellery

PS: It’s a crazy time of year – the overstimulation, the weather changes, the time off from school. Read my entry on how to introduce structure to your children’s life if you are dealing with chaos. Click on the link here now.


Growth Health and Wellness Leadership Parenting Personal Development

5 Steps to Ace the School Year

If you’re a parent or caregiver to a school-aged kid, chances are you’ve found yourself learning grammar or long division again — and sometimes, the teacher is on Zoom. And you’re fighting with the technology of uploading your child’s digital work. And trying to run a household. And maybe attempting to work yourself.

While it’s not easy to juggle all those priorities, it’s possible to make the experience a little better for both you and your kids.

The expectations around school and the pressure parents put on their kids can create a lot of stress. Whether your child is co-working with you at the living room table or back in the classroom, these 5 tips will help you both ace the semester:

  1. Discover your child’s learning style.

    Some kids find it easy to work independently while others need activity and collaboration. Find out which learning styles your child responds to best and help shape their experiences accordingly. Independent thinker? Give them time and space to study and work on their own. Collaborative mind? Encourage them to schedule more Zoom sessions with their classmates. Catering to their unique style will help your kid have a more positive experience.

  2. Encourage their hobbies.

    Who says education has to be by the book? Let your kids explore and expand their non-academic skills, like cooking, baking, drawing, or dancing. These skills are just as important as geometry or social studies. What matters is that they find ways to become engaged with something they care about. Their hobbies may change over time, but the ability to dig into an area of interest has lifelong benefits.

  3. 9Use the resources available.

    Look around you: you have a wealth of educational resources online and in your neighborhood. Coordinate a book swap with a classmate or neighbor. Hold biology class outside to look for real-life examples of the concepts your child is learning. Sign up for online guitar lessons (Youtube can teach you to do just about anything these days). Let your own creativity expand the options beyond the school’s lesson plan and the oh-so-many online worksheets.

4. Design a schedule for learning.

Children thrive with some structure in place — adults, too! It’s important that children have a dedicated time and place for school activities. Work with your child to develop their own little study nook in the house, and help them identify the best time for activities like homework and studying. While they may not be able to dictate their entire schedule, your child should definitely have input in this process.

5. Don’t focus on the grades.

Try not to be overly preoccupied with your child’s grades, especially during this wild and crazy year. Becoming too grade obsessed can give a kid the impression that their confidence or self-worth should be tied to competency. We have to constantly remind our children that love is not something they have to earn or acquire by doing well in school or being a “perfect” human. We are worthy of love and belonging simply because we’re alive and breathing. Work to be more forgiving if your child scores lower than expected on a test. And forgive yourself if you feel like a less than perfect teacher. Our children’s achievements are not a reflection of us!

One thing is certain: the school-from-home era has been a learning experience for all of us. Learning always means growth, which gives you and your child the opportunity to deepen your relationship and come together as a team. Besides, not everyone gets a chance to relive their school days. 🙂

If you and your child struggle to talk about school, my free ebook may help. I wrote 7 Strategies to Keep Your Relationship With Your Kids from Hitting the Boiling Point to give every parent the tools they need to improve their communication with their child, especially around hot-button issues like homework and grades. Grab your copy today.

Love and Blessings,


Best Practices Growth Parenting Personal Development Skills

7 Ways you can help stop boredom for your kids at home

“I’m bored.”

The words every parent recognizes — and likely dreads.

Our children are continually learning, socialising, and most have a busier calendar of birthday parties and playdates than we do. But, during the summer or less busy times, children often quickly find themselves looking for things to do.

From teens to tweens to little ones boredom is no stranger! We even get bored! Children aged between five and six years old are used to a structured routine. However, occasionally your routine may change or be less busy on some days or during holidays.

This leaves your kids not knowing what to do with themselves. Without an endless stream of activities to keep kids occupied outside of the house, here’s how to help them grow accustomed to days where there’s often a dull moment, so everyone stays sane.

Why your child gets bored

Boredom is a familiar feeling in children. Feeling irritated, unsatisfied, or uninterested by any activity can lead to boredom. Boredom occurs when your kid feels energetic but has no idea where to direct his energy. Boredom is a common complaint among children and adults, as well.

You or your child may become bored while engaged in an activity, due to:

  • Loss of interest
  • Confusing instructions
  • Fear of making a mistake
  • Repetition of the activity for too much time
  • Feeling unable to try new approaches to the activity

How you can use Conscious Parenting Guidance if your child is bored

Although you may too be feeling fraught at times with life so uncertain and a lack of any routine, it’s an opportunity to apply conscious parenting guidance, and not respond to them angrily or rudely.

Try these steps:

  • Don’t ask why your child is bored. That can be a roadblock in communication.
  • If your kids are frustrated, don’t respond in an angry or annoyed way. Take a deep breath and center yourself first.
  • Help your child recognize other emotional issues or feelings which you might have mistaken as boredom.
  • Ask open-ended questions to get their creative juices going.
  • Help your child find an engaging activity or one you can participate in together.
  • Your child may just be feeling bored temporarily. They may be trying to get your attention, or they may just want to play.

7 ways you can keep boredom at bay with your kids

That’s all very well, but what if your imagination of engaging activities is exhausted or you are busy and exhausted and do not have time to always entertain them?

Here are ideas for helping to stop the boredom at home.

Get Back To Nature

It’s the perfect opportunity to let their creativity thrive and spend some time nurturing plants and seeds which could grow in the garden or a window box.

Remember your childhood favorites

What about all the simple things you could entertain yourself doing for hours when you were a child. Maybe a good old fashioned paper airplane race?
How about finding a rope and skipping? Learning to hula-hoop? Remember all those rainy days you filled by playing hang-man?

Go High Tech

You don’t need to avoid all of the technology available. But as a conscious parent, you may want to guide your children towards some of the more socially conscious apps or encourage them to use their time on-line to build their blog.

Fix Things

How many items do you have on your fix-it list? Usually, we are time-poor, and it’s easier to throw something away and get another one when it breaks. This is the perfect opportunity to teach your child how to fix things. Maybe you can show your older children how to sew a button back into a shirt, or even learn together. There is an abundance of YouTube tutorials that will guide you through.


Why not encourage your children to develop their music tastes? It’s the perfect time to explore their likes and tell them about a song of your favorite bands and songs.


What better way to get creative together than to cook together? You can concoct something from the cupboard, or follow a recipe along. It’s an opportunity to explore flavors and tastes and be present in making something creative for the family to enjoy. And, of course, if you’re baking, someone needs to lick the frosting from the spoon. It’s a rite of passage.

Put on a play

Or even a dance number. Learn it, perform it, and enjoy them getting into character and being someone else for a while. It’s an opportunity to learn empathy as they can see a situation from another’s eyes.

Why a little boredom can help your kids

These are all great ideas, but is a little boredom healthy for your child? Dr. Steve Silvestro says it’s essential to allow your child to be bored and that it can spark creativity — and that’s why some of us get our best ideas in the shower.

Doing the same routine every day, often at the same time of day, over and over again — it’s pretty dull in there. That dullness and monotony actually gives your brain freedom to wander and explore nooks and crannies of thought that you might not meander through at other parts of your day.

When children are bored, they have the luxury to allow their minds to explore in more detail. It gives the opportunity to get ingenious and creative.

Encourage your children to come up with some ideas themselves. You can build a “Thinking Spot” for your child. If you can create a space in your child’s room or a playroom with a comfy seat or pillow, paper & pencils, perhaps even small toys for inspiration, then when your child says that they are bored, suggest that she sit in the “Thinking Spot” and come up with ideas.

Boredom is completely normal. Dr. Dibya Choudhuri, a professor with the counselling program at Eastern Michigan University in Ypsilanti says we didn’t have a word for boredom until the 19th century.

It isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But very quickly it got a very bad rap. When children are left alone to figure something out, you’ll often be blown away by their ability to problem solve, and boredom gives this a chance to develop.

This is why it’s actually healthy to let your kids get bored for a certain amount of time.

Of course — none of this will stop the bleating cry of “I’m bored,” so it’s helpful to be prepared with your responses. Ignoring them doesn’t get you much peace. The best approach is to turn it into a positive. When you hear those fateful words, you can tell them, “I love it when I’m bored. I can get really creative with what I’m going to do next. I have time to think, and it’s up to me to do whatever I want to do.”

If you liked reading this blog post, then check out our blog post all about how to get some structure during chaos.

Body Language Growth Parenting

We Celebrate Black History month

February is Black History Month and we want to take this opportunity to highlight, honor and celebrate a few of the incredible contributions the Black community has made to science, the arts, politics and social justice.

Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, all three demonstrated the power to change society with non-violent conflict resolution. The lives they led continue to inspire ours and shed light on the way forward.

Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan and Mary Jackson, these three brilliant women who were depicted in the film Hidden Figures were major contributors to the US historic launch of John Glen into orbit.

Last year, the nation inaugurated its first Black vice president, a woman who previously held important roles as a former district attorney of San Francisco, as well as attorney general and a junior US Senator from California.

And at the inauguration of the President of the US, twenty-two year old Amanda Gorman recited her poem The Hill We Climb making her the youngest inaugural poet ever! The poem was a call for “unity and collaboration and togetherness” among the American people. It took my breath away and I offer you her poise, words of promise and hope and encouragement with this link to her inspirational address.

I was born in New Orleans, La. in the heart of the deep south and in the middle of the civil rights movement.

I believe that before the country can move past racial harm there needs to be truth, accountability and hopefully reconciliation. We need to have the difficult conversations.

There is always light.

  If only we’re brave enough to see it.

  If only we’re brave enough to be it.

-Amanda Gorman 29 Dec 2021

Love and Blessings,


Leadership Parenting Personal Development

How Attachment Parenting Works With Teens

Moms and dads usually experience Attachment Parenting when their kids are babies.

Then, the principles of Attachment Parenting seem easier. You were confident that you weren’t going to get pushed away if you held your child. And there was no such thing as too much love. Natural birth, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping are ways to nurture your baby.

At the root of attachment parenting lies attachment theory. It stems from psychologist John Bowlby’s studies of maternal deprivation and animal behavior research in the early 1950s. Attachment parenting focuses on developing that nurturing connection between you and your children. Bowlby viewed this as the best way to raise secure and empathetic children.

It’s done through the following ways:

  1. Love and respect
  2. Sensitivity
  3. Nurturing touch
  4. Constant loving care
  5. Positive discipline
  6. Balance in personal and family life

As our children get older, and lifestyle starts to kick in – say between 7 and 12 – where does that leave our teenagers? It can leave them feeling disconnected from you.

You can still apply Attachment Parenting as your children become teenagers. And you will find plenty of benefits at this critical time in their development.

When you think about your own teenage years, you are no doubt thinking it was a time of change. Many of which you were trying to navigate at breakneck speed. Your teen is going through exactly the same experience. And they, like you, are experiencing biological, cognitive, and social changes.

As teens try to come to terms with the upheaval, this is when they can develop unhealthy practices, like eating disorders and substance abuse. Risky sexual behavior, antisocial and delinquent activity and school dropout can also occur now in your kid’s lives.

Alongside the rapid biological changes, teens enter a new social-psychological phase of life. The amount of time spent with their parents drops, while time spent with peers increases.

There is a school of thought that parents make little difference in how teenagers cope. Instead of suggesting that peer influence dominates this period.

During the middle to late childhood, a child’s cognitive and social abilities improve, their knowledge base expands, and they become involved with peers.

While that’s true, growing evidence suggests parents do make a critical difference. And this operates through the nature of your attachment bond with your child. There’s an expectation that you will grant your child more autonomy.

So, how you negotiate the transition of the nature of the adolescent-parent attachment bond is paramount.

Teenagers who are attached to their parents tend to display higher levels of identity development. They also have self-concept and emotional regulation.

What Does Attachment Parenting Your Teen Mean?

Your parent-child connection needs to be secure from birth to adulthood. In real practical terms, this means taking the time to communicate and listen to your teens every day. It means getting excited about what they are excited about. It means understanding the incredible hormonal changes happening to your children.

Ensure that you talk openly with your teen and treat them with respect, dignity, humanity, and care. Avoid communicating with sarcasm, cynicism, irritation, and disgust. Allow your teen children to unfold as they are, not as you wish them to be. Nurture them but let go of controlling them. Attachment parenting a teen means unconditional love and emotional support. This way you build a secure attachment bond that will last a lifetime.

Adolescents who feel understood by you as a parent even in the face of conflict can move forward toward early adulthood with confidence. They don’t avoid conflict, exploration, and individuation. And they don’t prematurely push to independence without the support of their parents.

They seek out their caregivers when distressed. But they also explore their environment at times of low stress. Studies show that securely attached adolescents are less likely to engage in excessive drinking, drug use, and risky sexual behavior.

Securely attached adolescents also suffer fewer mental health problems.

These include:

  1. Anxiety
  2. Depression
  3. Inattention
  4. Thought problems
  5. Conduct disorder
  6. Delinquency and aggression

In girls, attachment security is related to lower rates of teenage pregnancy. They also worry less about their weight and aren’t as likely to get an eating disorder.

Securely attached teens manage the transition to high school more successfully. They also enjoy more positive relationships and experience less conflict with family and peers than insecurely attached adolescents.

This cannot always be achieved. There are many environmental factors in childhood that can cause an impact.

Insecure attachment in adolescence is linked to dysfunctional behavior.

These include maternal harsh punishment and harsh conflict in the home.

For example, domestic violence may affect your parenting and increases the risk of child neglect.

How To Deal With Relationship Breakdown And Attachment Parenting

How can you nurture a secure bond when marital conflict or divorce may affect parenting ability?

This can reduce your child’s motivation to explore new relationships. They won’t separate from their parents, or interact with peers.

It may not surprise you that parental unavailability and harsh rejection can cause avoidance in your kids.

If a child views themselves as unlovable and unable to attract care from their parents, why would they believe anyone else is interested in them?

‘Anxious-avoidant’ children are reluctant to approach their parents even when distressed because they fear their overtures for comfort will be rejected or punished.

Inconsistency in your parental relationship with your teen is associated with anxious-ambivalent attachment. These children view themselves as unable to sustain the interest and care of others. However, they view others as able to provide support if their attention can be secured and sustained.

Teens who are disconnected from their parents are often stuck in a dynamic with their parents of push and pull, love and hate, compliance and rebellion, clinginess and aggression, being controlled, and being pushed away.

However, for some reason, our society seems to feel very uncomfortable about parent-teen closeness, especially mom and son closeness. These are deep cultural wounds in the collective unconscious that continue to be part of our culture.

What Is The Difference Between Attachment Parenting And Helicopter Parenting?

Is attachment parenting akin to helicopter parenting? No, but no doubt that’s where the fear lies. The children of Helicopter Parents – families that interact in this manner – are dependent upon their parents in an unhealthy manner, begging to get basic needs that have never been met. They are disconnected and unattached. 


Raising secure teens gives them the opportunity to be more competent. They have more advanced emotional skills, including empathy, emotional expressiveness, and emotional awareness than their unattached peers.

Secure teens have been found to have more positive coping skills than peers demonstrating insecure attachment styles.

It’s not a tightrope to walk, but indeed a safety harness.

If you liked this blog post, then check out 5 Ways To Ease Working Mom Guilt.

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