My 5-year-old daughter has always disliked being told what to do. Now that we’re changing our approach to the parent-child relationship, she’s convinced that she was right all along about being able to do whatever she wants.
When we give her even a little bit of freedom, she tries to take as much power as she can get. It isn’t sustainable!
How can we achieve a healthy balance?
Sincerely,
Not So Sure About This
Hey there, Not So Sure About This! I love this question.
First of all, congratulations on having a confident and strong-willed child. Behaviors like what you’re describing can be the source of many parenting challenges. Take comfort in knowing that autonomous children grow up to be strong, capable adults who positively impact the world around them.
Right now, your daughter is getting her sea legs, so to speak. You’re transitioning from one parenting style to another, and she’s experimenting with her new boundaries. Where her autonomy was once limited, it’s now being encouraged. She’s grasping for power because she’s afraid she’ll lose it again.
Your daughter needs to know that you aren’t going back to the old way, which left her feeling dismissed and out of control.
The transition to conscious parenting can be disorienting for children. But the good news is that your daughter is only 5. The rule of thumb is that for each year of a child’s age, you can expect them to need that many weeks to adjust.
Here’s how to make it through the next 5 weeks:
Talk her through this transition.
Your daughter probably doesn’t realize that there is a cultural shift taking place in your family. It’s important to talk her through why you’re changing your tactics.
Help her understand that the sense of healthy empowerment she’s feeling isn’t going anywhere and that you’re committed to this new approach.
Reinforce new habits.
The techniques your parents used on you as a child likely inspired the parenting style you’ve relied on for the last 5 years. It’s become habitual—and habits are hard to break.
In a challenging situation, your first instinct may be to revert to your old behavior patterns. Keep reminding yourself that those habits won’t yield the results you’re hoping for.
It takes strength and determination to replace old habits with new ones. But the more committed you are to conscious parenting, the faster you’ll see positive changes.
Manage your expectations.
It’s easier said than done, but try not to get frustrated that your daughter hasn’t adjusted to these changes quite yet.
Motivating your 5-year old to act out of consideration for others, rather than because she was told to behave a certain way, is a big ask. And your daughter can pick up on your stress, so accepting that she’ll need time to evolve is key to a smooth transition.
Not So Sure About This, the most important thing of all is to keep going. You’re on the right track, and I have full confidence that you and your daughter will overcome these challenges.
As we embark on a new year, it’s a great time to reflect on what it means to be a leader in 2022. One of the key challenges I’ve observed is that many execs are struggling with the need to be present — especially at a time when so many employees are signing up for “The Great Resignation” and choosing to leave their jobs.
Companies are left struggling to find great talent. As a result, it’s more important than ever to view employees as individuals, to be sensitive to their unique needs, to pay attention and to listen to them carefully, to validate them, and to honor what’s most important to them — in order to attract and retain your best people.
Presence is perhaps one of the greatest skills you can master as a leader in two directions. First and foremost is that it allows you to be there fully for those around you as they seek your guidance and observe how you show up. And secondly, it allows you to be be yourself more fully and authentically in the moment. When you do convey that presence, people respond as they feel seen, heard and valued. And at the same time, you operate at peak performance levels yourself when you operate from your gifts and talents in real time.
Your relationships with others improve by default. Being fully present allows for richer, more meaningful connections that foster trust, credibility and loyalty because others sense you have their back and genuinely care about doing right by them. You’re fully engaged, switched on, and aren’t focused on conflicting agendas. It turns out your presence is just about the greatest gift you can give to those around you – including your employees, co-workers, shareholders, friends, family and others.
During my many years at Apple, I had some really great bosses. I can recall how meaningful it was when I announced my engagement that my boss at the time made a big deal out of pausing the meeting we were in to acknowledge the news. His reaction was more that of a caring uncle vs a boss at work, and he subsequently arranged a party to celebrate this important milestone in my life.
I don’t see that in the workplace much these days (or even back then); it meant a great deal to me, and it engendered even greater loyalty to him as a leader (and to the company!) than I already felt.
On a personal note, I was at a family gathering awhile back; an important one — my aunt’s 80th — and I don’t get to spend a lot of time with my immediate or my extended family, so I was really looking forward to it. I’m so used to operating with my To Do list and unfinished tasks to take care of in my head. My mom had to remind me to focus on being present and in the moment. In fact, we went into a book store near the event, and she bought me a book entitled “1001 Ways to Live in the Moment.”
Of course I embraced it immediately; how perfect. It was an act of grace that the book showed up at that moment and re-framed the importance of being present. As my mentor Alan Cohen is fond of saying, “you can change the world by the power of your being.”
So as we kick-off this new year, consider what you can do as a leader to be more present to your own employees and teams. What can you do to make each individual feel genuinely valued, validated and appreciated? Your presence will pay off in terms of allegiance, increased productivity, greater teamwork and increased retention. And it will go a long ways towards fostering long-term trusted relationships that may extend well beyond your current workplace and throughout your entire career.
Motivation is high. Here come the New Year’s Resolutions
Yet, statistics say that 1/3 of resolutions don’t make it past the first 3 weeks in January.
While we are hyper-focused on achieving our goal at the onset of the new year, we tend to lose that level of focus – and our commitment to change becomes diluted.
How can we improve the odds – so when the next new year comes around, we’ll have that new habit firmly in place and can move on to a different challenge in our journey of personal growth?
Neuroplasticity[1] (defined as the brain’s ability to change by strengthening or weakening neural activity and connections…to reorganize itself throughout life) can give us some answers. To make a complicated topic more accessible, I like to think of the process of change from the perspective of two laws.
The first is called Hebb’s Law[2]. It states that neurons that “fire together wire together.” In other words, when we are laser focused on one particular object or thought or action over and over again, we begin to strengthen the new neural pathways that will become, over time, automatic. This is the foundational process by which the brain changes and organizes itself.
The second concept comes from Quantum Physics, called the Observer Effect. [3]This theory establishes that the very act of “watching” can change our reality. This concept is the basis of Mindfulness (defined as “Noticing, in the present moment without judgement).”
So, if we put these two laws together, Hebb’s law – which works through mental focusing and holding our attention, and the Quantum physics law of “watching” to change matter, we end up with creating new neural firings and new neural connections, which translates into creating new behavioral habits, which is the ultimate goal of our New Year’s Resolutions.
Bringing this down to a very practical level, let’s see how this can work for you.
To get started:
Pick a challenge that you would like to declare as your New Year’s Resolution. I recommend you pick one – that if you were to accomplish it – would have a significant impact on your life.
Being truthfully honest with yourself, on a scale of 1-10, rate your level of commitment to change. I guarantee, if it’s not an 8 or higher, your chances of success are minimal. In a ceremonial way, say to yourself, [4]“I choose to_______”.
If your intention if very clear and your “why” is bigger than your desire for immediate gratification, then victory is in your grasp.
For example, let’s say you want to train yourself to exercise in the morning before you eat your breakfast. Your doctor tells you it’s important for your health. For years, your habit is to get up, get in the shower, then to have your breakfast. This is how you are wired. Every night you remind yourself that you want to exercise in the morning. You get up, you shower, and then have your breakfast—only to remember when you’re having your breakfast that you didn’t exercise. The third morning, you remember while you’re in the shower that you didn’t exercise. You leave yourself a note on the shower door…and by the fifth morning, you remember to exercise before you get into the shower. As you watch your behavior and leave yourself clues, you get quicker and quicker at remembering your goal, which was to exercise, until you’ve created a new routine. Typically, it takes 30 to 40 days to create a new habit which means it takes 30 to 40 days to create the new neural pathway.
Have an accountability buddy. If you’ve made many attempts in the past and have not been able to sustain your commitment to yourself, find someone who will support you in this journey. A quick call or text is all you need to touch base.
The only thing we can count on in life is change, yet human nature resists change on many levels. Understanding your own resistance to change and how it manifests in your life is valuable information as a leader of self and a leader of others – and may require further investigation. But if you are serious about moving the needle on some old habits, getting laser focused on what you want to achieve and observing yourself without judgement are a winning combination.
“When situational awareness is lax, the journey’s end may not be the destination sought.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert (Click to Tweet)Click here to get the book!
“Situational Awareness How To Help Increase Your Body Language Skills”
People don’t realize they’re always negotiating.
Do you know the benefits of situational awareness related to body language? When reading body language, the greater your situational awareness as to what may have caused a displayed gesture, the greater will become your ability to read body language accurately. And the same is true about your self-situational awareness per the gestures you emit.
Once you become tuned to them, your awareness and recognition of the following four color-coded situational awareness stages will benefit you. Accordingly, having a sense of situational awareness will enhance your negotiation and reading body language skills as you interact with others. Thus, it is for that reason I tie situational awareness to reading body language.
More and more of your potential franchise buyers today are members of Generation Y and Generation Z. Do you understand them? Are you sure you are selling to them in the most effective ways possible?
Just to review, members of Generation Y (who are also called millennials) were born in the 1980s and 1990s and are roughly between the ages 30 and 40 today. Members of Generation Z were born between the mid-1990s and the early 2010s. The older members of this group, who are about age 25 today, are out there shopping for franchises today too.
If you think back on the people who have visited you at franchise expos and met with members of your franchise sales team lately, you will realize that a growing majority of your potential franchisees are members of Generations Y and Z.
But are you talking to them in the right way?
What Has Changed?
A great shift has taken place in the way members of those generations shop for franchises, compared to how members of older generations did. In brief, here is one thing that has changed . . .
Members of Generation Y and Generation Z do a much larger percentage of their buying research online. They are likely to know a lot about you before they even talk to you.
Members of older generations, including Baby Boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) still prefer to learn about you by having conversations with real, living people.
Members of both those groups will drop by to speak with you at franchise expos. They will call you up. And if they are interested, they will want to sit down with your representatives to make the most informed buying decisions possible.
The difference is that potential franchisees from Generation Y and Z will usually know a lot more about your franchise before they have made those contacts. They will often tell you, “I have read everything on your website, and I need you to tell me more.”
How can you do a much better job recruiting those members of Gen Y and Z?
Provide a Deeper Level of Information Online
On your website and your social media channels too, be sure to provide:
Testimonials from your current franchisees.
Deeper information about who you are, what you sell, how your systems work, and more.
Information about the unique technology you use, because technology “speaks” to members of those younger generations.
In-depth information about the training you offer, because when potential franchisees understand that you offer exceptional training, they feel more confident that they will know how to succeed if they become your franchisees.
Still more information about your annual franchise conventions, the systems you use to communicate with franchisees, and more. The more information they know, the more confident they will feel about coming on board.
What About Securing Your Information?
I have sometimes heard franchise executives say, “I hesitate to put too much information about our system online, where anyone can see it – our competitors, for example. We have to protect ourselves.”
That is a valid concern, but keeping your information hidden from sight can be a mistake in a day when many more of your potential franchisees – those members of Generations Y and Z – want to know everything before they will consider joining your franchise family.
One solution to this problem is to include a questionnaire on your website that potential franchisees can fill out to request more in-depth information or a call from a member of your franchise sales team. On this form, you can ask potential franchisees to indicate their locations, how far along they are with their decision-making process, and of course to provide contact information. Once these potential buyers become “qualified leads” by filling out your questionnaire, you can start those conversations while feeling more secure about providing them with a level of in-depth information that you might not want to provide openly on your website for all visitors to see.
About Evan Hackel
Evan Hackel is a 35-year franchising veteran as both a franchisor and franchisee. He is CEO of Tortal Training, a leading training development company, and principal of Ingage Consulting. He is a speaker, hosts “Training Unleashed,” a podcast covering training for business, and author of Ingaging Leadership. To hire Evan as a speaker, visitevanspeaksfranchising.com.Follow @ehackel or call 781-820-7609. Why not have Evan Hackel address your group about franchising success?
Your personal brand is what people know you for – it is your reputation. Jeff Bezos suggests: “Your brand is what people say about you when you’re not in the room.” Your personal brand is what makes you memorable; your personal brand differentiates you from others. Others attribute your personal brand to you based on their experience with you by evaluating how you look, how you act, and what you say.
Taking charge of your personal
If other people are attributing your brand to you, do you have any control over how you are known? YES, you absolutely can proactively control your personal brand to make sure you get recognized for who you are and what you are good at. Having a strong personal brand will help you advance in the world of work. The keys to building your strong personal brand are: assessment, authenticity, communication, congruence, credibility.
Assessment
Take stock of yourself. Give yourself the gift of time and space for serious introspection. What is it people come to you for? What are your skills and experiences? What do you really enjoy doing? What are your personal values and principles? What differentiates you from others? Figuring out who you are and what you want to communicate about yourself is the essential starting point for “packaging” your personal brand message.
Authenticity
Intentionally creating a personal brand is not about adopting a new persona; it is about representing yourself as you are authentically. I like the maxim often attributed to Oscar Wilde: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” So, strive to be the best possible version of yourself, but don’t try to be someone you’re not. If you adopt a false brand, you won’t attract the right opportunities.
Communication
Putting your personal brand into words concisely is a challenge worth tackling. Think about who you serve, the problems you help them solve, and the results of your work. Draft multiple defining statements and say each aloud. When you find one you really like, practice it repeatedly so that it trips off your tongue easily.
When you can easily articulate your personal brand, you’ll find it much easier to introduce yourself at a networking session, write a compelling LinkedIn headline and About section, share with your customer how you may be helpful, make a compelling impression at a job interview, and more.
Craft your LinkedIn profile with care. LinkedIn is one of the primary ways people find out about you.
Congruence
An intentionally created personal brand is like a contract with yourself and others. Michael Hyatt says: “Literally, every point of contact is an opportunity to create a positive brand impression—if you are intentional.” But if how you look, how you act, and what you say are not aligned, the brand you intend to convey will not be the brand others perceive. For example, if part of your stated personal brand is that you are “customer-focused,” but you consistently show up to meetings late, fail to listen, and don’t complete projects according to the agreed-to deadline, then something is definitely not congruent – and your brand is damaged.
Credibility
Have you heard the admonition “show, don’t tell?” Instead of telling us of your greatness, you can use your LinkedIn profile to increase your credibility by including your education, honors, and awards; by quantifying your results using key performance indicators; by including the names and logos of companies you’ve worked for; by endorsements and recommendations. These credibility indicators are easy to include on your LinkedIn profile, as well as on your resume and other personal marketing materials.
Building an intentional, strong personal brand is the key to career advancement – and of course, sharing your brand online via LinkedIn is an essential career strategy.
If you are a C-suite executive or senior leader who would like to improve your online personal brand, LinkedIn profile, and presence, I can make it easy for you. I have a track record of working effectively with C-suite executives and senior leaders to create LinkedIn profiles and other executive-branded materials that help them show up as authentically and powerfully online as they do in person. This way, they can attract the talent they want to hire, increase their visibility and influence, and control their career. I also mentor clients on LinkedIn etiquette and effective posting strategies to ensure their success. Let me help you use this essential business tool effectively. Contact me through my website: www.carolkaemmerer.com or profile: www.linkedin.com/in/carolkaemmerer.
Other resources:
Book me to speak either virtually or in person on the topic of personal branding via LinkedIn. I am a member of the National Speakers Association, a Certified Virtual Presenter, and an Advisor to the C-Suite Network.
Promote Your Brand with Authenticity, Tact and Power
For DIY instruction on improving your LinkedIn profile, register for my self-paced, online course: How to be Found on LinkedIn: Key Strategies for Attracting Ideal-for-You Opportunities, https://carolkaemmerer.com/onlinecourse
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