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It’s Not You, It’s Your Personality: Understanding EI and Personalities at Work

I always enjoy when I get to interview successful leaders on my C-Suite radio show.  However, it was a nice change to be on the other end of the interview for a change.  I was recently showcased on The Leadership Coaching Group’s show with Liz Roney.  We discussed emotional intelligence based on my research for my book It’s Not You, It’s Your Personality.

To listen to the interview, you can go to: https://play.google.com/music/listen#/ps/I4z2wcanddij3spem5crsgabdfu and click the play button on the top right.

The following are highlights of what he discussed in our interview:

  • What is emotional intelligence
  • Why emotional intelligence is important
  • The value of self-assessment
  • Emotional intelligence, DiSC, and Myers-Briggs MBTI
  • Can EQ be developed
  • The importance of communication
  • Kissing up and kicking down
  • The importance of corporate culture
  • The importance of engagement
  • Surviving in a toxic environment
  • Ways to improve engagement
  • Advice for younger or mid-level leaders
  • Self-assessing EQ
  • Taking the EQ-i
  • Daniel Goleman’s work
  • Generational myths
  • EI skills that helped professionally
  • Our concern for impact or how we come across to others
  • Representing the organization
  • It’s Not You, It’s Your Personality book

 

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Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Women In Business

Distractions Decay. Attention Pays

Everywhere I look there are people staring at their phones – walking down the street and through airports, at restaurants and coffee shops, networking events and family gatherings. I believe we are so distracted that we are losing the ability to connect with each other and our surroundings.

We go through the motions of day-to-day life while failing to invest any real concentrated effort into any of it. We drive from place to place, often not remembering how we got there because we are tuned out, lost in our heads, distracted with technology and suffering from mental fatigue. We finish the workday exhausted while feeling we’ve accomplish nothing of any real value. We participate in conversations and fail to remember more than a quarter of it.

Our society is overlooking what important and failing to honor what matters most. We sacrifice time with our families and friends to answer emails and messages. We give up necessary sleep to check alerts and texts. We lose lives because drivers focus their attention on a screen and not on the road.

When do we say enough?

We do we recognize technology as a tool, not as a life source?

At what point do we commit to changing our habits and realize our distractions decay and attention pays?

I believe when we commit to focusing our attention on what matters most, everything in our lives flourish. Relationships are fed, tasks are completed, profits are boosted, productivity increases and accountability is restored.  When organizational leaders commit to avoiding interruptions in order to engage in a conversation and truly connect with their employees, morale increases and profits soar. When coworkers remove daily distractions, they have time to focus on important tasks and achieve deadlines. When families commit to each other, their relationships grow and their need for superficial technological fulfillment decreases. When we as individuals realize we cannot operate in a 24×7 world and that we require rest and recovery to be our best selves, our productivity improves.

Are you ready to make a change? Are you ready to admit you’re distracted? Are you ready to recognize it’s time to pay attention to what matters most? Join me as I embark on an #AttentionRevolution where we change our habits and behaviors so our distractions no longer decay and our attention pays.

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Growth Management Operations Personal Development

Customers Matter… All of Them

I love jokes, and there’s one that is quite well-known, especially in the dental world. A client walks into the office and sits in the chair. As he is getting his teach cleaned, he asks his dentist, “Which teeth should I floss?” The dentist replies to him, “Only the ones you want to keep.”

You should look at your customers in the exact same way. 

There’s no such thing as a bad customer. They’re all good. Well, maybe not each and every customer is good. But for argument’s sake, and for this article, we are going to act as though every customer who wants to do business with you is a customer you would like to do business with. Let’s pretend this is a perfect world.

In this perfect world, all customers are good. However, there are still certain customers who are better than others. The reasons behind this vary, but it could be because they visit us more regularly, or because they spend more money each time they come in. Perhaps they are just more pleasant. Whatever the reason, some are simply a bit better than the average “good” customer.

When we use the teeth metaphor, it almost sounds ridiculous. Would you rather keep the front teeth, which are seen by everyone? Or would you like to keep the ones in the back that help you chew your food? Obviously, you want to keep them all. The same can be said of your customers. They are all valuable, they are all needed, and we should want to keep them all.

Your loyal customers are most likely the ones who are connected emotionally. Perhaps they feel like the employees treat them like friends. Maybe they feel comforted knowing they will receive a predictable and consistent experience, every single time. Many things beyond product and price connect customers to a company.

On the opposite end, we all have those customers we don’t see or hear form very often. Maybe when they do give us a sale, it’s a small one. But, they still come back from time to time. That makes them good customers, just as much as the ones who come more regularly and spend more money.

I once bought a dress shirt from a salesman at a men’s clothing store. It was on sale. Realizing my purchase was small, I commented, “Maybe next time I’ll see a sport coat or suit I like.” The salesperson smiled and said, “If I had 500 customers just like you, I’d be the happiest salesperson in the store.” He told me that he likes customers who walk out of the store happy, regardless of how much they spend, because he knows they will come back. He was right. I did go back, and I bought a suit. And, I’ve been buying clothes from him ever since.

The exact lesson that I am trying to teach, this guy had figured out and mastered. It didn’t matter how much money I had spent that first time. It was that I represented one of his customers. The point here is that you should be taking care of all of your customers. The small ones matter just as much as the big ones. Everyone, regardless of how much they spend, should feel happy, respected, and appreciated.

And, remember, be sure to floss your teeth. All of them!

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Accounting Best Practices Economics Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Investing Management Marketing News and Politics Skills Taxes Technology Women In Business

How to Really Overcome a Bully Before Negotiating

“A bully is a misguided person with perceived power. Extinguish his sources of power and you extinguish the bully.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Do you know how to really overcome a bully before negotiating with him? There you are. You’re negotiating against a bully! He’s someone that’s willing to lie, cheat, and steal to come out ahead in the negotiation. You think to yourself, ‘what can I do? This son-of-a-gun is not playing fair and I don’t know how to overcome him!’ The answer to, ‘what can I do’ was hidden in what occurred before the negotiation began.

The following insights will allow you to position yourself better to overcome a bully’s ploys before you negotiate with him.

Positioning:

In every negotiation, positioning occurs. It’s shown in the way the negotiators perceive each other and themselves. Thus, positioning is important because it determines how negotiators will interact with one another.

If you know you’ll be negotiating against someone that has bullied others in the past, before entering into the negotiation, attempt to discover the demeanor of those individuals. In particular seek to define whether they were perceived to be weak by your opponent due to their short-comings, or if your opponent felt empowered due to some other factor(s) he had going for himself at the time of the negotiation(s). That information will allow you to best position yourself from a position of strength. A bully’s loathing for weakness is the reason he only picks on targets that he perceives to be weak.

Leverage: (ploys you can employ when negotiating with a bully)

  • Using Other people
    • All bullies look up to someone. If you can find a way to curry favor with the bully’s icon, you can supplant his bullying efforts against you. After all, the bully wants an easy target. If the bully’s icon has favored you, that makes you less of a target to the bully.
  • Bully’s weakness
    • All bullies have an Achilles heel. It may be how they wish to be perceived by others. It may also appear in the form of the bully being perceived in one light versus another. Whatever it is, discover it and be prepared to exploit it during the negotiation if such is called for.
  • Bully’s Persona (his vanity)
    • If you’re aware of the pride a bully takes in having himself perceived in a certain light, attempt to alter that light; have it shine on someone or somewhere else. You will have taken away his source of motivation. Hold it hostage until he dismantles his bullying ways. The point is, hit him where you’ll get the most attention and where it will hurt him the most. Remember, he despises weakness and applauds strength.

Be Stealthy:

Every good negotiator gathers information about the opposing negotiator. When you know you’ll be negotiating against a bully, drip misinformation into places that he seeks to gather information about you. The better you can use such information to misguide him, the more difficult it’ll be for him to assess the type of negotiator you are; always be willing to display a different negotiation demeanor based on the opposing negotiator.

When engaging a bully in a negotiation, there are all kinds of mind games that occur. Utilize the insights above and you’ll be in a better mental state than the bully. The better you play the game, the greater the chance that you’ll be able to overcome a bully when negotiating … and everything will be right with the world.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #Bully

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Growth Management Skills Technology

Great Leaders Are Always Transitioning

As I moved from company to company throughout my career, I rarely had a gap in between roles.  So when I was recruiting a candidate that had recently been laid off, my internal recruiter had to explain the term “in transition” to me.    I was not a big fan of the term.  Couldn’t we just say that someone was between jobs?  Transitioning has much broader and open-ended connotations.

In my current role as a social media advisor and coach to C-Suite Executives, I work with a few Executives that are between jobs.  But most of my clients are fully employed Executives who are constantly looking ahead and thinking about their future.  Those in new roles hope to transition from new kid on the block to established rock star.   And almost every executive worth their salt is thinking about what’s next, both in their current role and beyond.

C-Suite tenures average around four years, so Executives have to think about their future, whether that be another C-Suite role, a Board position, philanthropic endeavors, etc.  Don’t wait until you are between jobs to set yourself up to be considered for desirable future roles.  You will have much less leverage and influence than you do now.

Do your own internal assessment.  If a merger or reorganization were to eliminate your current role in the next few months, are you ready for the transition to your next role?  Are you successful in your current role?  Are your skills up to date?  Are you perceived as having good executive presence? Are you well networked?  These are some of the questions forward thinking executives ask themselves. A good Executive Coach can help.  Having an outside perspective can identify blind spots and help you create and execute an action plan to build on strengths and address deficiencies.

Also, take an objective look at your social media presence; your Coach can provide objectivity.  A purposeful and active social media presence can help address many of the deficiencies Executives identify in their self-assessment.   While elements of executive presence have historically been in the physical world, increasingly elements must carry over into the digital and social space as well.  A powerful social presence is often viewed as a proxy for “getting digital.”  It also gives you a platform to show off your current success and demonstrate ongoing subject matter expertise and thought leadership.  Finally, it strengthens and extends your already strong network.

Supposedly, it is easier to find a job when you have a job.  Like job hunting, the time to prepare for your transition and build a strong social presence is now.  By virtue of your current C-Suite position, you command attention that translates into building a stronger presence much faster than when you are between jobs.

Now is the time to start thinking about your transition.

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Entrepreneurship Management Personal Development

The Monotony of Success

Have you ever given up on something because it got boring? You know those goals you set, maybe a New Year resolution that shortly after starting you stop working on, maybe because it got boring or because you were not seeing the results fast enough. Maybe even a job or project for work that you quit on because it wasn’t exciting or fulfilling anymore.

In a recent interview I had on C-Suite Success Radio with Shep Hyken, Customer Experience Expert and Chief Amazement Officer, I learned that there is a monotony of success that you must withstand if you are going to be successful. That means that in order to be successful most of what you do day in and day out is going to be monotonous.

The good news is that if you are bored or less than fulfilled with some of the work you are doing because it is monotonous, as long as you keep doing it you are working towards success. It is the day in and day out little things that compound into your great achievement. That is a lesson I learned reading The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy and The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. In order to accomplish anything it takes time, discipline, and repeating the right behavior.

The reason I bring this up is because I think it is simple to understand yet profound its meaning. Instead of being bored or unfulfilled by some of the mundane and monotonous tasks you have to do every day, reframe those experiences into excitement for what you are building and creating in those actions.

You can apply this to losing weight, getting a degree or certification, completing a project, training for a marathon, or just about anything you want to accomplish. When I look back at all the activities I quit on before I succeeded because “they weren’t fun anymore” and realize that was a sign that I was working on my success I wonder what would have happened if I had kept going. And since I didn’t know it then I use it now to keep me working towards my current and future goals.

I bring this short message to you as we start the new year to help you reframe your thoughts as you dig into your 2018 goals. Monotony might just be the sign that you are working towards a successful outcome.

Wishing you a Successful and Happy New Year!

 

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Growth Management Operations Personal Development

Want to Deliver Red Carpet Customer Experience? Here Are 3 Areas of Focus

Have you heard the phrase, “Customer Experience is the new marketing?” In a world where your customers have more choices and louder voices than ever before, providing an exceptional experience is certainly key to building a brand that attracts new and loyal customers.

A study by McKinsey shows that 70% of all buying decisions are based on how the customer feels they are being treated. Gartner found that by 2018, more than 50% of organizations will implement significant business model changes in an effort to improve customer experience.

It’s not new that people like doing business with people and companies they like. What is new, in the past decade and going forward, is that in this age of social media and review sites, word of mouth has taken on a whole new meaning.

There’s no doubt that in order to ensure “word on the street” is positive when it comes you to your business, it’s imperative that you pay attention to delivering a red carpet customer experience. So, what does that mean and where do you start?

When it comes to improving the customer experience, there are three specific areas of focus:

  • Technical
  • Warmth and Hospitality
  • WOW!

The Technical area of focus centers on the quality of products and services you deliver, and the processes that enable you to provide a seamless experience across all channels. To improve this area, consider the following:

  • Do you deliver exceptional products or services?
  • Do your customers feel they are getting their money’s worth?
  • What’s the speed of delivery?
  • How responsive is your team?
  • How many interactions (with technology or people) does it take to get an answer to a question or a resolution to a problem?
  • How knowledgeable is your team? Is there enough information at the customer’s fingertips?
  • How well trained is your staff?
  • How up-to-date are your systems?
  • How many times do customers have to repeat information?
  • How easy or difficult do you make it for a customer to do business with you?

Are you rolling out the red carpet, or the red tape? This is the question the leaders of the city of Ball Ground, GA asked themselves several years ago. At the time, they had a 3-page list of items that had to be completed before someone could establish a business in their city. They culled the list down to those procedures needed only for the safety and well being of their citizens. As a result, they’ve not only attracted new business to their community, but Hollywood as well. The Tom Cruise movie American Made was partially filmed in Ball Ground. Says city manager Eric Wilmarth, “Instead of charging them huge fees, we asked that the crews be fed locally, use local businesses, and work with the businesses to ensure they’d be made whole if they lost money during the filming process.”

How are you making it easy…or difficult…for your customers to do business with you?

The Warmth and Hospitality area of focus is all about your people. As self-sufficient as customer interactions may become in the future, at some point your customer will engage with a human being. In fact, many may prefer to work with a person and you may be making it difficult for them. (Red carpet? Or red tape?)

When they do, you want to ensure those interactions are warm, welcoming and helpful. Red-Carpet customer service is about making the person in front of you right now feel important. This comes down to the basics of genuine smiles, eye contact and learning and using customer names. You want each person they meet to exude friendliness and a sense of really wanting to be helpful.

To improve the hospitality area of focus, here are a few questions to consider:

  • Are you hiring people with empathy and an innate desire to make others feel important?
  • Are you training your team on customer service skills? While you may not be able to teach empathy or friendliness, you can train people on ways they can better show empathy or friendliness.
  • Are your team members 100% present to your customers?
  • Are your team members empowered to solve problems for your customers and go the extra mile to make them happy?
  • How is employee morale? Have you spent some time building a service culture that lifts your team up, so they are ready to lift up your customers?

Remember, each person your customer interacts with is a reflection of your brand. Ensuring those interactions are consistently positive is critical to the overall customer experience. When you’ve created a place where your customers feel important and warmly welcomed, you’ve created a place where your customers return and bring friends.

The WOW area of focus is last for a reason. While it may be fun to think of ways you can go over-the-top and delight your customers, those WOW moments don’t matter if your products aren’t up to par, your processes bog things down, and your people are surly.

However, if you’re providing a pretty seamless experience and your people are consistently warm, friendly and helpful, then you may want to look at adding some of the WOW Factor!

This is about going deep to really get to know your customers and using that information to deliver unexpected moments of red carpet awesomeness!

To improve this area of focus, consider the following:

  • Do you have a process for recording the preferences of your customers?
  • How can you add a touch of personalization to each point in your customer’s journey?
  • Are your team members encouraged and empowered to surprise and delight customers?
  • How far can a team member go to make a customer happy?
  • What tools can you provide your team so it’s easy to add a little delight to the mix?

The WOW-factor happens when you’ve got your entire team engaged and excited about making memorable moments for your customers. For instance:

  • Ruby Receptionists empowers their entire staff to send surprise cards and gifts to their customers. They even have a station with notes, wrapping paper and access to a gifting account.
  • An employee at Tampa International Airport found a stuffed tiger left by a little boy. They took the tiger on a little “airport adventure,” documenting it in photos along the way. When the child and his parents were reunited with their stuffed friend, they were also presented with a photo album of all he had “done” while they were separated.
  • ScanMyPhotos.com sends bouquets of flowers to customers on a random basis.
  • An auto mechanic noticed a customer dancing along to the music playing through their sound system. After hearing her say it was one of her favorite recordings and she had lost hers, he pressed the track on a CD for her. It began playing through her sound system as she started her car.

These are the moments that make people want to talk about, write about, and post about your business in a very positive way.

As you think about upping your game when it comes to customer experience, consider each of these three areas. Decide on the most impactful strategy you could employ from each area of focus, and implement. Keep repeating and you’ll be able to look back and see great improvements in your customer’s experience. Why bother? Because when you roll out the red carpet for your customers, they run out and tell everyone they know.

Donna Cutting is the Founder & CEO of www.RedCarpetLearning.com and the author of two books on customer service, including “501 Ways to Roll Out the Red Carpet for Your Customers.” Follow her on Twitter at @donnacutting

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Women In Business

Combating Employee Apathy

Today I had lunch with a friend who is a cognitive neuroscientist. She was telling me about her research that identifies which patients are more likely to comply with their doctor’s instructions – whether regarding diet, medication, smoking, etc. – and which are likely to ignore instructions and continue their unhealthy habits, undeterred. She said there was one variable that was the strongest predictor of which path a person would choose: whether or not they demonstrated apathy.

In that situation, apathy stemmed from a variety of beliefs ranging from denial that the risks of their current lifestyle were as severe as doctors claimed, to lack of confidence that they would be able to maintain the new routine, or fear that it would simply be too much work. Whereas her examples pertained to healthcare, I realized that the apathy factor is just as obstructive in leadership and motivation.

For me, the question of converting apathy into motivation brings up an interesting question regarding who is responsible for this change. To what extent is it the employee’s responsibility to motivate themselves to perform better, and to what extent is it yours, as their supervisor, to help them find a reason to feel motivated?

An apathetic employee can be toxic to an organization. The longer you let them be, the more damage they can cause. Some would say that these are the employees you need to terminate, and soon. But sometimes it’s not that simple, such as when the company process for termination can take months or longer, and require substantial consistent documentation. Plus, many have the potential to turn around and become productive contributors with the right guidance and opportunities.

But how can you recognize apathy early on, before it’s too late?

There are a variety of warning signs of apathy. As all communication is conveyed through three primary channels – verbal, vocal and visual – let’s take a look at some of the signs in each area.

Verbally, listen for specific comments that indicate that someone is not on board, or doubts the value or validity of what he or she has heard. Passive-aggressive comments like, “Whatever,” “Here we go again,” or “it doesn’t matter what I say because nothing is going to change anyway,” are clear indicators that there is a serious disconnect between their perception of a situation and yours. Alternatively, a lack of voluntary, proactive engagement in conversations may indicate a lack of interest or a lack of confidence in something. Try to notice patterns in the person’s comments, as the words he uses will often either implicitly or explicitly indicate the nature of the problem.

Sometimes, however, the words themselves may not overtly indicate a problem, but as the saying goes, “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” It becomes important to listen past the words to their delivery. Vocally, when that person speaks, do they sound interested in the topic, or tend to mumble their way through most conversations? Are they rushing through their comments like they just want to get the meeting over with? Is there something in their voice that sounds anxious, frustrated, terse, sad or distracted? What if you’re not sure what you’re hearing? The answer is simple: Ask.

Finally, trust your eyes. Look for behaviors that indicate a lack of connection, such as substandard performance, poor attendance, or lack of participation in group conversations or activities. Physical and behavioral signs can also include sighs of resignation or exasperation, eye-rolling or lack of eye contact, poor posture, and frowning.

It’s not to say that the occasional demonstration of any of these signs is an immediate red flag; after all, we all have good days and bad days. But when the behavioral exception turns into the rule, it’s time to give it a second look.

At that point once you have identified some patterns, it’s critical to speak with the employee and get to the heart of the apathy. You can’t determine a solution, or even guide someone else to finding their own solution, unless you find out what the root cause of the problem is. Often, apathy can be an indirect cry for help.

This kind of conversation can be one of the most intimidating and challenging conversation for leaders, but whatever you do, don’t ignore apathy. For those who are conflict-averse to start with, the issue is fraught with hazards and uncomfortable topics from the employee’s objectively poor performance to their subjectively negative attitude. If you need some help in broaching this discussion, check out my previous post and video for strategies and tips on how to initiate sensitive conversations.

You might discover that they don’t understand the importance of their role or how their work fits into the big picture. Alternatively, the work could be too easy and thus unstimulating, or too difficult and thus overwhelming. Maybe they are dealing with a stressful home situation such as a sick and elderly parent or child with special needs. Or they could feel like they don’t know how to fit into the company or departmental culture, which can be demoralizing.

Naturally, some of those issues are easier to address than others in helping the employee find solutions that inspire internal or intrinsic motivation (see Sharon Smith’s series here on this issue). But through constructive dialogue, you can determine mutually beneficial and responsible steps to take, such as empowering the employee with training for greater skills development and future career opportunities…. Or you may jointly decide that it’s in everyone’s best interest for you to introduce the employee to someone outside the company who could offer them a position that they will find fulfilling, and leave of their own volition, on good terms. But sometimes, just knowing that you noticed and cared enough to ask what’s going on can be a huge first step toward overcoming apathy, and changing attitudes, behaviors and performance.

Of course, the employee has to make the ultimate choice for him or herself, but part of leading and mentoring is helping people gain new perspectives and grow. The best leaders can find the right path to lead anyone.

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Best Practices Growth Skills

Are We Creating Bullies and Wimpy Kids?

A Tennessee middle-schooler, Keaton Jones, was on a video where he lamented about being bullied at school. The video pulled at our hearts as he asked, in a cracked voice, why some kids are bullies. Keaton stated that he was teased because of his looks and for being different.

Keaton is not alone. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that twenty-eight percent of students in grades 6 – 12 have been bullied at some point. Looking at just cyberbullying, the number of those bullied went from 18% in 2007 to 34% in 2016. The increase in suicides by those tormented has increased so much we added a new word for it: bullicide; a combination of bully and suicide.

A bully is a person who is habitually cruel to smaller or weaker people. There are several actions that a bully uses: name calling, making fun of, pushing, spitting, and stealing, along with excluding them from activities or groups. Kids who are bullied are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, loss of eating and sleeping, a drop in their grades and less interest in activities, to name a few. Being bullied can have a negative effect that will stay with children, even when they become adults.

There are also effects that bullies carry with them as adults. Kids who torment others are more likely to get into fights, vandalize property, drop out of school, abuse drugs and alcohol, have poor relationships and have criminal convictions. Whether a child is the bully or being bullied, there is a lasting negative effect that can be played out when they are adults.

Both sides of bullying need to be addressed and parents are a great influence on their kids. Let’s look at the bully side first. Being a bully is a learned behavior. A York University study found that children who are bullies have little support from their parents, live in homes of high conflict and their parents don’t monitor their children’s activities. Bullying is a learned behavior that a child picks up from people they live with.

Parents of a bully can counteract this behavior by:

Active relationships – spend time with your kids. Set expectations and have some rules.

Physical exercise – take the kids outside to play. Teach them to play fair.

Look at your behavior – what are you modeling for your child in the way you speak to and treat others, in violence, with racism, etc. Demonstrate better behavior with support and unity. Remember, you are their parent, not their best buddy.

Now let’s address the child being bullied. In a perfect world, there would be no bullies. Since there are, we can prepare our children not to be tormented. Teach kids that their differences are what make them who they are. When you encourage and support their uniqueness, they will gain confidence. The most successful people are those who have embraced who they are.

Bullies use the unbalance of power; physical strength, embarrassing information or their popularity as weapons. Kids who are bullied need to take back the power so they can stand up for themselves.

Here are a few things parents can do to teach their children how to avoid being bullied:

Model confidence in the things you do. Be an example to your children.

Encourage them to try new things. Be there with them. Set them up for success.

Let them fail. Failure is learning. Don’t remove obstacles. Praise them for their hard work and their resilience.

Let them weigh out the options. Children with low self-esteem have parents who advise them too much. Children have to learn to make decisions.

A bully needs a victim; teach your child not to be a victim. Coddling your child doesn’t give them the capacity to handle negative situations. Build up their confidence. Teach them to take criticism so they won’t internalize what someone says.

Parents are the first line of defense against raising a bully or raising a victim. Standing back and asking, ‘what are we going to do to protect our children while expecting someone else to step in isn’t a solution. The most effective thing you can do is equip your child with the tools he/she needs to stop being a bully or to overcome bullying.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Categories
Growth Management Personal Development

I’m a State Champion

In my senior year of high school (yes, we did have electric lights and flushable toilets) I was part of a state championship basketball team. This was a big deal. We were a small Catholic school competing with players from the “big cities”. And I made a significant contribution to that victory. My mom saved the press clippings if you need validation of that claim. And I was over 40 years old before I gave that accomplishment much thought. Why is that?

I think a lot us don’t give ourselves enough credit. We don’t think about the good things we accomplish, the way we take care of our families, we way we serve our employers or our customers. Why is that?

Is 99% of the populations suffering from lack of confidence based on what they think they DID NOT accomplish? I know a lot us focus too much on our faults and our challenges. And we are not encouraged and inspired by what we have already REALLY accomplished. We don’t think about our successes.

In his book Let Me Out: Unlock Your Creative Mind and Bring Your Ideas to Life, Peter Himmelman, the founder of Big Muse, a company that teaches creative thinking, leadership skills, and deeper level of communication in all facets of life-personal and professional, talks about MARV (Majorly Afraid of Revealing Vulnerability). This is the human voice that tells us we are not worthy. We are not capable. We are NOT……………you get the idea.

MARV is the bullshit we listen to when the facts say the opposite. You, did pass that test. You, did get that job. You, do have a great family life. You, did do that marathon, You, did write that song. You, did organize that little league team, you did break that glass ceiling at you company. Your life is overwhelmingly filled with positives.

Sometimes I need to pull out that scrapbook from my high school days to see my picture in the paper, to remind myself that along with my tremendous teammates, I am a state champ.

You are a champion. Pause for a little bit and think of all your successes. Then move forward confidently. You do have a history of success. You can accomplish that task.

Congratulations! You’re a winner!

PS: I have interviewed Peter Himmelman more than once on my Business Builders Show. Go to www.c-suiteradio.com to find those encouraging discussions!