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Category: Leadership

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Personal Development Women In Business

Do You Hold Yourself Back From Success?

Do you hold yourself back from success?

“Whenever I’m in a meeting and I think of a question or comment, I end up debating with myself about whether or not to say it… then a few minutes later someone else says what I’m thinking, and it leads to a great discussion. I could kick myself when that happens!”

This is a challenge described by many of my clients, both men and women alike, and it stems from a lack of confidence on a variety of levels. But regardless of the origin, the outcome is the same: you hold yourself back from being recognized for your insights, expertise and overall value to the team.

So what causes this behavior, and what can you do about it?

The late, great sales guru, Zig Ziglar, had a powerful expression that has stuck with me from the first time I heard it many years ago. He said that you have to ask yourself, “Is your fear of failure greater than your desire to succeed?”

The short answer is that, for people who typically hold back as described above, their default answer, often subconsciously, is a resounding “YES.” That’s why they hold back.

What is most powerful to me is the thought process you inevitably go through if you actually ask yourself that question when you find yourself holding back That’s because it actually leads to three deeper and more concrete questions that will help you regain confidence and hopefully compel you to take action:

The first is, how would you define “failure” in that situation, and what’s the worst thing that could happen if you did “fail”? Maybe it means you could make a mistake, share wrong information or demonstrate ignorance. And what would be the repercussions of one of those situations? I highly doubt that you could lose your job, take a major hit to your reputation, or die of embarrassment. The worst that would happen is that you might get corrected in public. You’ve heard others make contributions that were not received with open arms; what happened to them? Most likely, nothing

The second key question is, how would you define “success” in that context? Success could be simply a matter of knowing you made a valuable contribution to the discussion. Maybe your idea provides a critical piece that will help the group to problem-solve more efficiently. One way or another, you will show yourself to be a valuable, proactive member of a team, and it might put you on someone’s radar, for all the right reasons.

A third question that gets overlooked is, “What is the effect of silence on my part?” Remember, holding back judiciously from time to time is probably appreciated by most people. But when your reputation in those meetings becomes one of someone who is non-participatory, playing it “safe” and hiding in self-defense mode unless forced to speak, does that really project leadership?

And just in case you were thinking about playing the “introvert” card, stop right there. That excuse won’t work. Introversion is not about fear of public speaking, confidence or general shyness. It’s about how you get energized, and what takes energy from you. Don’t mistake being an introvert with being hesitant to ask a question or offer a comment in a team meeting.

So the next time you recognize that you are holding back, do two things: First, decide what you want your leadership reputation to be. Then ask yourself: “Is my fear of failure greater than my desire to succeed?”

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

 

 

 

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

This Workplace Behavior Is Corrosive to Business

 

Are You a Slave to Optics? ​​​​​​​

I was talking to a Talented Non-Millennial Sales Guy who was sharing some “observations” about his Millennial support person.

“He’s awesome. Always gets his work done. But he thinks he deserves a promotion and I tell him…dude, you get into the office at 9:00am and leave by 5:00pm. How are you going to get promoted that way?”

I double-clicked, “Does this guy miss deadlines, fail to get his work done and make your performance suffer?”

Sales Guy responds, “well no…he’s awesome. But it’s the optics. When I was in his role, I got to the office at 7:00am. It just doesn’t look like he works very hard.”

 

Stepping in Your Own Bear Trap

Nearly every high performer I work with agrees on one thing: they’d like to be working less.

The 10-12 hour workdays over a 3, 4 or 5-decade career wear you down to a nub.

But then you go on perpetuating your own problem – like defending outdated, irrelevant “optics” about time logged – that keeps everyone, namely YOU, stuck in the same purgatory.

You’ve stepped in your own bear trap.

“Optics” really means:

“I prioritize my actions based not on what’s most important, useful or being true to myself, but on how you will perceive it.”

Said differently,

“Fear drives my behavior.”

When fear drives your behavior, you’re drifting.

Drifting extinguishes your fire and creates a malaise sandwich between two slices of resentment. 

When you drift day after day, month after month, year after year…

…death sentence.

 

Living by Optics = Opposite of Freedom

Acting in accordance with what’s most important, useful or living in your truth isn’t always “optically pleasing” to others and naturally invites unfriendly fire.

Case in point, the talented Millennial who works 8 productive hours and yet still takes crap for not slogging it out under the fluorescent sun gods just so others can approve of his physical whereabouts.

So when it comes to optics, you’re always forced to make a decision based on what you value more:

1.     Your freedom, or

2.     What people think of you

 

Break Free From Optics, Break Free From Drift

Going back to the Talented Non-Millennial Sales Guy, I asked him whether he liked his 12 hour days and inability to take a vacation without “checking in” on his work before his family wakes up (and after they go to bed).

He let out that resigned sigh which told me everything I need to know: It decimates his freedom and feeling of agency in every part of his life….yet he doesn’t see that it could possibly be any other way.

Talented Non-Millennial Sales Guy is not alone.

“Optics” drives an inordinate amount of behavior, particularly in the workplace.

Which means not just individuals, but teams, divisions and entire organizations are stuck in the hypnotic rhythm of drift.

And the long-term consequences are devastating.

But the good news is about all of this is: it’s 100% your choice to stay stuck in your bear trap or free yourself.

 

Final Thought: A Game To Play

Next time you feel like doing something that’s in accordance with what’s most important, useful or in alignment with your truth…but you DON’T do it…check in with precisely what the reason was that stopped you.

Play this game for a day, or better yet a week. A theme will emerge of where your greatest fears come from, and how they are keeping you stuck.

Once you’ve identified your #1 enemy, you’re one step closer to slaying that dragon.

Freedom awaits.

#TakeCommand

– DQ

PS – I help individuals, teams and organizations break free from drift, especially the BS of running a business driven by “optics.” If you feel your team or business is fueled by antiquated and corrosive optics, email me at Dominick@D to inquire about a dose of freedom serum.

Categories
Growth Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

Deliberate Practice: 4 Steps to Enhancing Your Influence

Click here to watch Deliberate Practice: 4 Steps to Enhancing Your Influence

Being influential requires deliberate practice, discipline and hard work.  The good news, we communicate 24/7 every day.  Therefore, we have unlimited opportunities to enhance our level of influence every day.  This video will share with you four practical and immediate ways you can begin practicing today to grow your influence.

Categories
Growth Human Resources Management Personal Development

The 5 Don’ts of Frequent Feedback

The 5 Don’ts of Frequent Feedback

The transformation of the typical performance review process often includes the phrase, “make feedback more frequent”.  That sounds like a good idea. It is if certain conditions are in place.  There are five conditions which will either make or break the efficacy of frequent feedback.

I was out of town for a weekend and decided to play golf at a local course. Because I was alone the starter connected me with a threesome.  One of the men frequently spoke. He spoke during everyone’s shots. He was whispered when someone was about to hit their shot yet you could still hear him.

He would not, or could not, stop himself. His frequent babbling was annoying enough but he made it worse by talking only about himself.  He babbled about how he had played this and that hole.  He added unnecessary details about the unfair bounce that prevented a par etc. etc.  It was not helpful and it was annoying. The same annoyance and lack of value can occur with frequent feedback about work performance unless these five conditions are met.

The Five Don’ts

The first of the five conditions important for adding value during frequent feedback is to have a clear standard of behavior that everyone agrees will add value. In other words, don’t forget to create a clear standard of specific and observable behaviors.  With a clear standard, managers and employees can provide helpful feedback based on that standard.  They can avoid expressing opinions.

This leads us to the second condition. Don’t forget to use data during feedback and avoid unsolicited criticism.  When a clear standard exists, everyone and anyone can ask if the behavior matches the standard.  Criticism or opinions are unnecessary.  A manager expressing an opinion about the performance of an employee can create fear in that employee.

Often the feedback will lead to emotions.  This is especially true when there are challenging performance issues which have not been addressed in a timely manner.  When there is emotion empathy is needed.  Don’t forget to provide empathy.  Empathy is the sincere expression that you understand the emotions someone is experiencing.  Feedback without empathy is worthless.  Empathy allows the person receiving the feedback to absorb it and use it.  If there is an emotion and there is no empathy the feedback is rejected.  The entire interaction becomes a waste of time.

This next condition don’t will seem out of order. Don’t forget to ask permission.  Get the person’s consent.  Ask permission to provide feedback. Even better, ask everyone in your organization to ask permission before they provide feedback.   Make it a rule or part of the standard.  Allow the person who is to receive the feedback to say, “no, I am not ready”.  Give them the opportunity to wait for a better time.

Our Declaration of Independence states, “Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.”  Feedback is delivered between men and women with the consent of those receiving the feedback.  Give them the choice. Allow them to consent.

The most important condition is last.  This condition is also the biggest change in how the typical manager thinks about feedback.  Don’t make the feedback about the person.  Make the feedback about process or method.  Two of the earlier conditions were “don’t forget to use data during feedback (avoid unsolicited criticism)” and “don’t forget to create a clear standard.”  If these are handled then the only thing left to discuss is either the process within which the employee is working or the method the employee is using to perform.

Feedback doesn’t have to be about the person. Give them feedback about their methods and how those methods can change.  This will eliminate fear of change.

Frequent feedback is not enough to create optimum value and optimum improvement.  Be sure you create the right environment by implementing these conditions.  It will make the feedback easier and more effective.

Wally Hauck, PhD has a cure for the “deadly disease” known as the typical performance appraisal.  Wally holds a doctorate in organizational leadership from Warren National University, a Master of Business Administration in finance from Iona College, and a bachelor’s degree in philosophy from the University of Pennsylvania.   Wally is a Certified Speaking Professional or CSP.  Wally has a passion for helping leaders let go of the old and embrace new thinking to improve leadership skills, employee engagement, and performance.

Fearless Feedback

 

 

 

Categories
Management Marketing Skills

Life’s Choices and The Roads to Which They Lead

“Sunday Negotiation Insight”

“The decisions you make in life will determine the roads you’ll travel. Manage your decisions better and you can travel better on life’s roads.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“Life’s Choices And The Roads To Which They Lead” 

Most people are very much aware that the choices they make in life determine what they’ll experience in life. That’s to say, some are aware of such at an intellectual level but are not mindful of such in their everyday practice. Such a lack of attentiveness to the choices we make and the impact they have on our life lead some people down a road upon which they had not planned to travel. Worse, such inattentiveness can lead to unintended consequences.

As you engage in your daily activities, be mindful of what you’re doing and the decisions you make. The impact they have on your future can be long-term. In lending your attentiveness to making such decisions consider:

  1. Is this the best decision I can make at this time?
  2. Do I have enough input/insight to make an intelligent decision?
  3. Where might such a decision lead and is that where I’d like to be?
  4. What cost or gain might I incur by not making a decision at this time?
  5. If I make the wrong decision, what procedure might I put in place to inform me of such? Then, how long might it take and at what cost to correct the decision?

The more you’re aware of the impact today’s decision may have on the long-term aspects of your life, the more you’ll be mindful of controlling such decisions. Doing so will relieve you of the potential angst that you might have otherwise experienced … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

When negotiating, one has to be highly aware of where a decision might lead. To haphazardly engage in a negotiation with a ‘go with the flow’ mindset is to engage in folly; you leave the outcome to chance and chance favors the person that’s more prepared and thoughtful.

To thwart folly, have a well thought out negotiation plan. Consider the possibilities of where one decision might lead versus another and what impact such might have on the negotiation outcome.

Negotiations are like a game of chess. The more thoughtful you are about your decisions and the more you can think of the moves you’ll make down the line, the better you’ll be able to control the flow and outcome of the negotiation. That’s how good negotiators win more negotiations. The question you should now consider is, how good do you wish to be in any of your negotiations? To enhance your negotiation win rate, make better decisions by considering the impact of those decisions.

 Remember, you’re always negotiating.

 

 

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

The 3 Types of People in Your Life

The 3 Types of People in Your Life

You’ve heard the adage: You are the average of the 5 people you spend most time with.

Let’s do a riff on that.

Think of the people you spend the most time with in these contexts:

  • Work
  • Family
  • Socially

Which version of you do they relate to:

  1. Historical You: Those who cling to an antiquated version of who you once were. They themselves are likely stuck in the past, and don’t want to acknowledge the who you’ve become. Your progress is threatening to them because it means you’re leaving them behind.
  2. Present Day You: Those who see you as you are today – your current title, marital status, financial status, etc. They are supportive of this version of you. They are comfortable with your progress, as long as it’s not too big, bold or dramatic. Too much change too quickly scares them, also because they fear being left behind.
  3. Highest Self You: That rare breed of person who sees past your present-day greatness and limitations and only speaks to the most elevated version of who you are, and who you can become.

 

What Type Do You Surround Yourself With Most? 

I reckon our biggest impediment to progress is the percentage of #2’s we carry around (so true on so many levels…).

While the #2’s are well-intentioned, and their support feels comforting…when they become the predominant influence in your life, they can anchor you to your present state. The size and speed of your progress is hindered.

Therefore, your growth is directly correlated to the percentage of people in your life that speak to the Highest Self version of you.

These are the people who stand tall for you even when you’re unwilling to do so for yourself. They are the ones who call you on your BS.

They are the ones who push you beyond what you believe is possible.

It’s because they see YOU.

Not who you were, not who you are now, but YOU.

 

I Challenge You….

Challenge #1: Take 60 seconds and identify the people in your life who belong in category #3 – those who only relate to the Highest Self version of You.

Challenge #2: Identify a strategy to create one more #3 to each of the contexts – work, family, socially – in your life.

Your Highest Self Awaits.

-DQ

PS – If you want to accelerate your path to your Highest Self, be sure to pre-order my book – Design Your Future: Stop Drifting and Start Living – which is set to hit Amazon in November/December.

 

Categories
Growth News and Politics Personal Development

Words Can Kill… and Do

Recently, 20-year old Michelle Carter has been found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to 2 ½ years in prison. This is an unprecedented case in that Carter sent texts to her friend, Conrad Roy III, telling him to kill himself. Roy, who was 18, rigged a generator to his pickup truck, jumped in the vehicle and died of carbon monoxide poisoning. The fatal incident occurred in 2014 in Massachusetts. There has never been a case of manslaughter where words alone caused someone’s death.

Michelle Carter received the sentence which includes the stipulation that she spend at least 15 months in prison. The judgment was immediately stayed to determine how to handle a case like this.

It is unusual since words were actually the killer of the depressed boy. While Roy was in the car he was texting Carter, who sent numerous taunting texts about “just do it.” Some of the things she sent to him were:

“The time is right and you are ready…”

            “You can’t think about it. You just have to do it. You said you were gonna do it. Like I don’t get why you aren’t.”

At one point Roy ran out of the car to get some air. Carter texted him to “get back in” his truck, which he did.  Consequently, Roy died of carbon monoxide poisoning. Juvenile Court Judge Lawrence Moniz found that the texts “constituted wanton and reckless conduct.”

I wrote about this exact subject, “Words Can Kill” in my book “Who’s Changing the Meaning?”  Here is an excerpt:

“Words are powerful. They can set our mood, change our beliefs, determine our actions and motivate or cripple our life. A positive comment from someone can lift our spirits and have us soaring throughout the day. Conversely, a negative comment can depress us facing the day with a bad attitude. That’s how powerful words are. Or should I say that’s how powerful we allow words to be. 

Words can kill. They can affect our health. Studies have shown that words have a biochemical effect on us. The medical field recognizes that the healing system is tied to the belief system. The best example is when a person seeks treatment for an ailment and the diagnosis is bad. Time and again the person will get worse once they find out the cause of their illness. They had the illness before the news but once they hear the diagnosis, they start to act the way patients with that illness act.

 It doesn’t have to be that way. People can say what they want and usually do. We can’t stop others from saying negative things about us or telling us how to act, but we do have the choice on how to handle those words. We decide how we are going to let the words alter who we are and what we do. We have the ability to control how it affects us. We don’t agree with their words so why would we give weight to them. Instead of letting the words hurt us, we let them go. 

Ignoring something that is said about us or to us can be difficult to do. Yet it is such an effective way to live. If an individual says something bad about us and we ignore it the person has failed to achieve their intent. We need to realize that if someone speaks out against us that is their right; freedom of speech baby. The insult is not where our focus should be. Our focus is to remember that we don’t care what they think. If someone is belligerent enough to talk bad about us, why would we value their opinion!”

Teens, in particular, are deeply affected by what others say about them. They take in the words and allow them to live inside. They need to realize, as we all do, that words do not control us. We control the words and what we do with them.

I don’t know what the outcome of Michelle Carter’s appeal will be. We need to remember that we have the choice on how words will affect us. The power of words can be diffused by us. We take over the power by deciding to discard the words and move on. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me is not true. They can if we let them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

The Real Enemy

The Real Enemy

(Today’s post is also the feature article in this month’s issue of Gloss magazine, an online publication featuring entrepreneurs and lifestyle designers).

Your enemy isn’t pain.

The real enemy is when you don’t feel much of anything at all.

As a speaker, trainer and coach to high-performing big shots like you, I often find myself face-to-face with highly successful people who can’t seem to figure out why they are increasingly restless in the lives they’ve created for themselves.

On the one hand, you may genuinely enjoy the work you do, you’re compensated handsomely, hold an esteemed position in your work and community, and love/are loved by those around you.

Yet on the other hand you’re simply less interested in the life you’ve created for yourself. What once excited you, doesn’t as much anymore. Your highs aren’t all that high, your lows aren’t all that low. And you don’t know why.

Other than the occasional frustration or fleeting moment of happiness, you can’t escape the feeling that you’re not feeling much at all.

Yet you still want to protect the life you have.

And life isn’t painful enough yet to change.

So you remain…drifting into a future of More of the Same.

TRAPPED

This word keeps coming up over and over again when I’m with high performers: “Trapped.”
Sometimes it’s spoken explicitly. Other times, it’s lurking back there behind a façade of achievement, a quiet desperation that something is not quite right, you just don’t know what.

Continue reading full article..

– DQ

PS – In case you missed it, I was featured on the ChooseFI podcast (FI = Financial Independence) last week.

It was their #1 highest downloaded podcast with over 10,000 downloads in the first day alone.

We unpack the key concepts of my book Design Your Future: Stop Drifting and Start Living

  • How to know if you’re drifting in life? Is your life path based on fear?
  • Why most people feel a lack of “progress” in their lives and why this experience can feel subtly devastating
  • How to interrupt your limiting patterns of beliefs and behaviors
  • Practical steps on how to design a future you can’t wait to live into

Check out episode #33 of the ChooseFI podcast by clicking here.

If you have a commute, a workout or long plane ride coming up, you definitely need to check out this ChooseFI podcast.

 

Categories
Entrepreneurship Management Operations Personal Development

Lessons From Love-Focused

Love has always been good business. No, I’m not talking about the world’s oldest profession. That’s not love. I’m talking about the kind of love that leads to wedding bells – businesses that cater to people who want to find true love or who have found it and want to celebrate it.

But what can those types of love-focused businesses teach us about how we can use love as a principle that shapes any business? Plenty.

Janis Spindel, the president of Serious Matchmaking, believes the type of trust and confidence you need when looking for personal love are also vital to leadership in any business.

“A loving relationship is about being committed,” Spindel said. “Business leadership requires the same commitment and intuitiveness.”

When people love others, Spindel said, they communicate more clearly and support each other more proactively, which makes for healthy relationships in business as well as in life.

Lindsey Sachs, whose company Collective/by Sachs plans weddings in Colorado and Minnesota, believes love is an essential lens through which to view business decisions.

“Considering love in the context of business helps to make companies human, authentic, relatable and better yet, more than a transaction,” Sachs said. “As professionals and consumers, we all understand the overwhelming feeling love plays in our emotions and decisions. A company that infuses love is more likely to stand out.”

Love, she said, creates empathy and purpose in her work.

“With love present, we can more clearly relate to our clients and staff, find common goals to lead to more powerful solutions, products, and services,” she said. “And keeping love at the forefront encourages us to see our work through a different lens of appreciation. … Reminding ourselves that our work stems from a love of something much greater, our overall context, attitude and ultimately productivity will adapt for the good.”

Businesses that promote love and celebrate love still need profits to keep their doors open, but they understand the powerful connection between loving what you do in the service of people who love what you do. It builds strong relationships, trust, loyalty, and the commitment that allows a business to not only make money but make a difference.

 

Categories
Growth Skills Women In Business

5 Ways Volunteering Builds Your Personal Brand

It’s absolutely true that we are all busier than we used to be. There are many things vying for our attention – from kids and family to our business commitments. In fact, many times it feels down right exhausting. And you are thinking to yourself right this very moment, “so now you are telling me to carve out time to volunteer?” The number one excuse I hear all of the time when I advise people to get involved in their community by volunteering at events or joining a nonprofit board or a service club is “I don’t have time.” As with anything in life, the benefits of how you spend your time must be worth it. Because there are two things the world doesn’t make more of and that is land and time.

How Volunteering Shaped Me

Volunteering was not something I grew up doing much of, nor did I see members of my family doing it. Sure there were the occasional baseball games of my brother’s where we had to work the concession stand, but that was basically it. Other than a few instances like this, I wasn’t exposed to much volunteering.

So when I decided to join a service club in 1995, I was not only busy in both my personal and business lives, but I was about to embark on something that was, quite frankly, way out of my comfort zone. And that’s exactly why I did it.

You see I used to be very shy. I was uncomfortable being in a room full of people I did not know. What would I say to them? How did I go about starting a conversation with someone I knew nothing about? It was paralyzing. Those that know me well always find this fact a bit unbelievable. But that’s the whole point. Being involved with a service club helped me overcome shyness and increase my self-esteem. It was the number one way I was able to grow personally and professionally.

Here are five ways volunteering can help you build your personal brand:

Enhance Skills.

Volunteering can help with many aspects of sharpening your skills or discovering a hidden talent. There might be instances when you will take the lead on a project or lead a committee or board. I do not care how great of a leader anyone is, managing a nonprofit board is always a personal growth opportunity. Besides honing people skills, other skills you may learn include developing a strategic plan, preparing a budget, learning to fund raise, mastering decision making, or marketing an event. The more unique skills you have, the more you differentiate yourself.

Improve Speaking.

It may be as simple as learning not to be afraid to speak up with your ideas in a small group setting, or it may be as big as being the president of a service club and having to speak to a room full of members regularly. There are opportunities at both ends of the spectrum.

For the most part, we are all comfortable talking about what we know very well, but when it comes to speaking about something new to us, this provides an opportunity for growth. As mentioned earlier, I was extremely shy and the thought of standing up in front of others was not something I even saw myself doing.

Now with over 20 years of volunteer and nonprofit board experience – which included serving as the International President for a service club – I have overcome this to the point that I do keynote speeches. If I can do it, you certainly can!

Build Confidence.

Building confidence goes hand-in-hand with learning new skills and becoming more comfortable speaking in front of others. Your confidence will grow when you become better at anything you do.

Develop Empathy.

Empathy is about putting the needs of others before your own. That is what you do when you volunteer. Volunteering demonstrates you care and that you can be sensitive to the needs of others. Giving back teaches you to nurture relationships and take your eyes off of yourself. The atmosphere of volunteering allows you to be open to different views and gain real connections with people, which builds trust. Trust is at the core of every successful business and personal interaction.

Gain Visibility.

When you put yourself out in the community, you will meet new people, thus strengthening your network. Many movers and shakers in your field or community are already volunteering and looking to connect with others. Building relationships is vital to anyone’s success. You may gain new clients or it may lead to new career opportunities. The more you are seen, the more people will think about you for various business, or even personal, interactions.

Building your personal brand by giving back to your community is a powerful win-win. These five areas develop who you are as a person and the value you provide to others. Because in the end, personal branding is about what you bring to others.

I help executives create a powerful image and brand so they look and feel confident wherever they are. Contact me at sheila@imagepowerplay.com to schedule a 20-minute call to discuss how we can work together to grow your visibility through my return on image® services.