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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Leadership Personal Development

How to LEAP Into Extreme Leadership

The world is full of people who call themselves leaders, but woefully short of Extreme Leaders. Perhaps you think that’s OK. Extreme Leaders, you might reason, are only needed for extreme circumstances – a soldier taking fellow troops into battle, a Sherpa guiding climbers up Mount Everest, or a quarterback directing a potential game-winning drive in the Super Bowl. Everyday life, you might say, requires only everyday leaders.

But here’s the reality: Everyday leaders who aren’t also Extreme Leaders aren’t taking anyone anywhere worth going. They risk very little and gain very little. Soon the only reason anyone follows them is out of the obligation that comes with a paycheck.

Extreme Leaders, meanwhile, love their work and the people associated with it so much that they embrace and inspire audacious decisions. They attack their work with a contagious energy. And they display an unwavering commitment to get things done. In other words, they willingly put themselves on the line to change their world for the better.

That’s leadership worth following. And you don’t have to be a soldier, a Sherpa, or an NFL quarterback to be an Extreme Leader. You just have to lead with Love, Energy, Audacity, and Proof – otherwise known as LEAP.

Interested? Here are a few ways to LEAP immediately into Extreme Leadership:

Cultivate Love – Do what you love in the service of people who love what you do.

Extreme Leaders find ways to genuinely love their work and every individual who touches their business. Then they act from that level of motivation. Thus, they pay nearly obsessive attention to the needs, desires, hopes, and aspirations of their customers and co-workers. So here’s the go-do: Identify at least two people who love what you do, one inside your organization (e.g., a co-worker) and one outside (e.g., a client). Tell each of them why you love your work and provide a specific way you plan to serve their needs over the next 60 days.

Generate Energy – Generate more energy when you walk into a room than when you walk out.

You don’t have to watch TV or movies to see zombies in action. Just walk through the typical office in corporate America. But not yours, because you aspire to Extreme Leadership. A couple of ways you can generate energy include passionately sharing a purposeful vision with others and actively expressing gratitude to others. So pick out five people in your work atmosphere and do at least one of those two things for them in the next 24 hours.

Inspire Audacity – Make a connection between the work you do and its potential impact on the entire world.

Extreme Leaders demonstrate a bold and blatant disregard for normal constraints. Not in an impudent manner, but in a courageous I-want-to-change-the-world way. In three sentences or less, explain how you plan to change the world through your work.

Provide Proof – Prove yourself through significant, observable, daily actions.

It’s easy to talk a good game, but Extreme Leaders back up their talk with their behaviors. Write down three ways you are “proving” that you love your work, team and/or customers; three ways the people around you see your energy; and three audacious things you are doing to change the world.

Extreme Leaders put their skin in the game and make a difference in the world, no matter what the environment. Nothing is too mundane or too routine that it can’t become part of something bigger and better. So don’t be content with everyday leadership and everyday results.

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Marketing Personal Development Women In Business

The Hokey Pokey for CEOS

Remember the days when we played games with abandon?

Put your right hand in, put your right hand out, put your right hand in, and you shake it all about…

No fear of looking or sounding silly, just unabashed joy at fully engaging in whatever was at hand.

You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about!

That is what it’s all about — putting at least some part of yourself in the arena —

Put your left hand in, put your left hand out, etc…

But somewhere along the way we forget to play the game the way it’s meant to be played. In many cases, we just flat out become afraid of being our true, complete selves. That annoying little voice in our heads keeps asking “what will they think if they know this about me?”

Here’s a better question to ask ourselves: “What if I were to bring all of who I am to every situation?”

Put your whole self in, put your whole self out…Put your whole self in, and you shake it all about…

What would that mean to my business success?

You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about!

For Carla Harris, Vice Chairman, Wealth Management at Morgan Stanley, it’s all about being her authentic self, and winning new business along the way. I recently heard Harris speak at a conference in Houston and a story she told stuck with me.

She was competing for a huge piece of business with other Wall Street firms. Of course, there was a formal presentation, but it was an informal encounter with a key player that made the difference.

You see, Carla is not just a powerhouse in her industry; she is also an author, a speaker, a leader, a mother and one helluva gospel singer! I mean, really — if you’ve performed at Carnegie Hall not once, but FIVE times, why on earth would you keep that to yourself?! It’s not like Carla was planning to burst into song, but when a right moment presented itself during that informal conversation, she did, with complete joy and abandon. That one, impromptu act struck a chord with the right person — and Carla walked away with the business.

I walked away from that conference determined to do two things: 1) be ALL of who I am in every situation, regardless of that annoying little voice in my head urging me not to start salsa dancing at the drop of a hat; and 2) help my clients in the C-Suite understand the value of being their authentic selves and sharing their stories when presenting to an audience, no matter how much they might resist.

It’s really okay. Be your total, complete self. Nobody can do you, like you. And when you start to feel a little self conscious, just flash back to how good it felt to put your whole self in and shake it all about. Go ahead — do the Hokey Pokey, CEO style, and show us all what you’re about.

If you would like more information or to schedule Linda as a keynote speaker, please email info@lorellemedia.com or call 713-247-9600.

 

About the Author: Linda Lorelle is best known as an Emmy and Gracie Award- winning journalist who anchored the evening news for nearly 17 years at Houston’s NBC affiliate, KPRC-TV. The Stanford graduate is now an entrepreneur, using the art of storytelling to create compelling, original video content for clients who understand the value of owning their story. C-Suite executives who want to brush up on their presentation skills also call upon Linda to share her expertise in public speaking and help them feel more at ease.

Linda is a highly skilled emcee and panel moderator who is able to seamlessly guide a conversation around any subject matter. She also enjoys engaging with audiences on a variety of topics as a keynote speaker. The next time Linda delivers her speech, “Don’t Ever Underestimate the Heart of a Champion: A Journalist’s Journey of Loss and Transformation”, don’t be surprised if she pulls a “Carla Harris” and breaks out into a ballroom dance!

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Best Practices Growth Leadership Personal Development

Boy, If You Don’t Stop

 

Aubrey “DRAKE” Graham is a Grammy-Award winning R&B/Hip-Hop artist. His unique style of soft rap that deals with difficult subjects has propelled him on Billboard charts. Recently his work was rewarded when he received 13 awards at the 2017 Billboard Music Awards. This is the greatest number of accolades ever given to an artist in a single year at this event.

Thirteen awards means giving thirteen acceptance speeches. The one that stands out is the second one. After giving shout-outs of appreciation to Vanessa Hudgens, Nicki Minaj and Ludacris, Drake gave a shout-out to his father, Dennis Graham.

Drake’s dad, a drummer who worked with Jerry Lee Lewis, attended the event wearing a purple suit and purple shoes. He looked exceptional. Drake yelled out to his father, “Boy, if you don’t stop!” That started a frenzy of comments because of the phrase.

“Boy, if you don’t stop” was something not heard before. It set off a surge of comments. Moreover, it set off a controversy. Drake made the comment as a compliment to his father. It was referring to how his dad looked in the purple suit and shoes. In essence, Drake was saying his father rocked the suit and looked fantastic.

Some people took, “Boy, if you don’t stop” as a criticism.  Their thought was there’s a conflict between father and son that was being revealed. People wondered what had caused such a disagreement that Drake would take that moment to expose it. Consequently, they went about spreading their meaning to anyone who would listen.

How can a simple statement like, “Boy, if you don’t stop” be interpreted in opposite ways. It goes back to the problem we are having today with communication. Those hearing the message are not listening, they are interpreting. Instead of figuring out what the speaker said they are coming up with their own message.

Communication is the interchange of words. The purpose is to share knowledge, opinions, and facts. The value of this interchange is only as good as the receiver understanding what the speaker is saying. Otherwise communication did not occur.

Today people put in their own meaning as to what someone is saying. They aren’t listening. They do not try to capture what the speaker is saying. The point of communication is to impart what one person knows to another. If someone walks away from a conversation with what they thought instead of what was said there was no interchange. No message was delivered. No communication took place.

When involved in a conversation, listen to attain what is being shared. It doesn’t make sense to put in your own thoughts about what a person says. You are just listening to yourself. You haven’t learned anything. Why did you even get in a conversation with someone if you weren’t going to listen to them?

Listen, not interpret. Even if you disagree with them there is always something you can learn. If you don’t understand what they are saying, ask them. If you are unable to ask them then look at the context they said it in. The words surrounding the part you are questioning will give you a clue to what the speaker meant. Just like with Drake. Right before he gave a shout-out to his dad, he was complementing Vanessa Hudgens and Nicki Minaj. Drake was complementing his father and he did it in a big way. “Boy, if you don’t stop!”

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Growth Human Resources Leadership Personal Development

Frequent Performance Feedback: What’s the Point?

A client called to discuss an employee’s poor performance.  Although the basic work was getting done, there were behaviors the manager (and others) wanted to see improved.  It seems the employee would often disappear.  The department employees being available (or reachable) always was essential to serve colleagues (internal customers) who often had urgent questions.  These questions need to be answered or internal projects would screech to a halt and cost the organization significant loss of revenue and productivity.  My client was uncomfortable and was asking for guidance.

 

The client asked me, “How do I get my employee to be at his desk when he is needed?” The typical manager would likely make specific demands and/or make threats such as insist on frequent meetings to assure compliance with the demands.  Or, he/she might threaten to possibly hold a negative performance review rating.  What’s the point of these?  Control?  Control techniques are often outdated and ineffective in our knowledge economy. Employees can always find ways around the arbitrary rules.  My client knew this and thus the reason for his call.

 

Many, if not most of the firms transforming their performance management processes are recommending more frequent and informal feedback in place of formal performance review meetings.  PwC, a major consulting firm, found that up to 60% of employees (especially millennials) want feedback either weekly or daily. Virtually all performance management consulting companies recommend more frequent feedback now (in place of annual reviews) because they claim it improves employee engagement.

 

This all sounds seductive but what’s the point?  Managers are not very skilled at delivering feedback and they claim to have no time to deliver feedback more frequently.  These are barriers, but the bigger reason to be cautious before jumping on the “more frequent” bandwagon is the dysfunction caused by a flawed context. If organizations shifted their context from control to self-management it would make an enormous positive difference in performance while requiring less time for managers.

 

Delivering feedback more frequently, and less formally, in a dysfunctional context will not make things better.  In a control context, the typical manager will make specific demands and then attempt to catch the employee either doing something right or doing it wrong.  This strategy creates a context of mistrust and sends this message to the employee, “You are incapable of managing your own performance without me watching you.”

 

I recommended a different approach to my client: facilitate a set of agreements with the employee.  An agreement is a specific, measurable, and time sensitive task that is delivered with a predictable process.  I recommended my client facilitate agreements around being available.  I suggested he reinforce the importance of being available.  He then asked the employee, “What agreement(s) are you willing to make to be sure you are available always for our internal customers?”

 

Instead of making demands to follow a process that the manager created, the manager shifted the responsibility for creating a process to the employee to keep his agreement.  This shift (in context) allows more effective feedback without the demand for forced frequency.  If the employee can be more available, the process the employee created worked.  There is no need for feedback from the manager.  If it doesn’t work, then feedback is appropriate.  The feedback will be either about the process needing improvement about the broken agreement. Either way, the feedback is needed and can be immediate.

 

In this context, the purpose (the point) of feedback is 3 fold: First, to discuss when and if agreements are broken; Second, discuss when a process must be improved:  Third, when appreciation can be expressed for a job well done.

 

In this context feedback is not dependent upon a calendar.  Instead, it is delivered when everyone can learn something. Either we learn how to better keep our agreements, we learn how to improve a process, or we learn when we did something extraordinarily positive and want it repeated.

 

Forcing more frequent feedback without a good context (the point), will not deliver the desired results.  Managers and employees will likely get tired of meeting so frequently.  The arbitrary calendar demand to give frequent feedback will likely not deliver enough learning.  By asking, “What agreement(s) are you willing to make to self-manage?”  the context changes to self-management and away from manager dependency.  This puts the responsibility where it really belongs, on the employee and not on the manager.  Frequency is great but what’s the point?  Learning is the point.

 

Wally Hauck, PhD has a cure for the “deadly disease” known as the typical performance appraisal.  Wally holds a doctorate in organizational leadership from Warren National University, a Master of Business Administration in finance from Iona College, and a bachelor’s degree in philosophy from the University of Pennsylvania.   Wally is a Certified Speaking Professional or CSP.  Wally has a passion for helping leaders let go of the old and embrace new thinking to improve leadership skills, employee engagement, and performance.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Management Personal Development Women In Business

Are You an Irreplaceable CEO?

 

ARE YOU AN IRREPLACEABLE CEO?

There are tons of articles out there that talk about what makes a great leader. I read one today that hit me where I live because of one word: Story.

The CEO featured in the article is a renowned, beloved leader in his company for many reasons — his integrity, his approachability, his transparency, his work ethic, etc. But what stood out to me was his being described as a “masterful storyteller”.

High Five! Fist Bump!! Yes!!! A CEO who not only understands the power of story, but finds a way to engage his employees so that they get it, too. Each time he addresses a room, he insists that a different employee introduce him every time. And forget about reading a boring bio — the employee has to come up with a story about the big boss. As the article says, “it’s part of the lesson.”

When I work with CEOs on presentation skills, media training or a video project, story is always at the heart of our work.

Why? Because story is the best way to connect one human being to another. At the end of the day, business is about finding a way to connect with a current or potential client so that they’ll do what you want them to do — buy your product or service. But far too often, we focus more on what we do than on who we are and what drives our passion. We focus more on the message than the story, not realizing that the best way to get our message across is to share our story. And the more personal, the better.

Now, I’m not advocating that you cross the line of good taste, but I am advocating that you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to share some part of yourself. That’s what will make an impression. That’s what will break through the clutter. That’s what people will remember. And that’s why the author of the article I’m referencing calls GE Chairman and CEO, Jeff Immelt, “irreplaceable.”

“He’s a model of vulnerability, self-study and reflection,” she writes, “a masterful storyteller who articulates his success and failures with equal parts humor and passion.”

When you’re ready to retire, what will your employees write about you? What will be your legacy? It starts with your story.

About the Author: Linda Lorelle is best known as an Emmy and Gracie Award- winning journalist who anchored the evening news for nearly 17 years at Houston’s NBC affiliate, KPRC- TV. The Stanford graduate is now an entrepreneur, using the art of storytelling to create compelling, original video content for clients who understand the value of owning their story. C-Suite executives who want to brush up on their presentation skills also call upon Linda to share her expertise in public speaking and help them feel more at ease.

 

Linda is a highly skilled emcee and panel moderator who is able to seamlessly guide a conversation around any subject matter. She also enjoys engaging with audiences on a variety of topics as a keynote speaker, including her most recent theme: “Don’t Ever Underestimate the Heart of a Champion: A Journalist’s Journey of Loss and Transformation”.

Categories
Marketing Operations Personal Development

Six Strategies to Set Your Business Apart

It takes customer service and more for a small company to compete in today’s world of big box stores, and the same business strategies that will set a small company apart are valuable tools for a company of any size.

It is a business situation that has been repeated in towns across the country – a “big box” store comes to town and the local businesses get nervous. How can they compete with the larger inventory and lower prices of a store like Costco or Home Depot? The big stores seem to have more tools at their disposal – buying power, national advertising, etc. Local business owners can list a myriad of concerns, and while there is some truth to their fears, it is really just making excuses. There are ways small business owners can keep their customers – even attract new ones – and flourish, when a larger competitor moves into town.

The reality is that any business must consciously implement effective strategies to address competition from any new business that moves into the same market. This is true for any type of business or industry, no matter whether the established business or the newcomer is small, large, a deep discounter, whatever … the strategies are the same. And some don’t cost a thing.

Here are some low- and no-cost ideas that can help you compete:

  • Make it about more than the merchandise. You sell the same product or service as your competitor, and the competitor happens to be a “big box” store with the buying power to offer a lower price. Is it still possible to keep the customers coming through your doors? Yes! This is where customer service becomes the strategy of choice. Offering a better customer experience adds value to the product and can set you apart from the competition and free you from the commodity trap.

 

  • Or, do make it about the merchandise – the merchandise that the competitor doesn’t have. One small hardware store that happens to be just down the street from a Home Depot has found a way to flourish. They figured out what Home Depot doesn’t sell and then made sure to offer those items. Now Home Depot even sends customers their way for the products that have been so thoughtfully and purposefully stocked.

 

  • Know your strengths – and let customers know, too. Hopefully, you are known for offering good customer service, but what else sets your business apart? Why should someone do business with you instead of the competition? Figure out your advantages and then let others know.

 

  • Make it about more than the business. Lend your name to other causes in the community, be it the local, national or even international community. The company’s market will define the scope of your “community.” For many small businesses, this means taking an active role in the local community by being visible – sponsor a sports team, let a local charity hold a bake sale outside your store on a Saturday, etc. Show the community that you care.

 

  • Let your loyal customers lend a hand. Keep in touch with your customer base through a variety of ways – social media, mail, and so on – and build an army of evangelists. Engaging with them will encourage them to promote your business.

 

  • Consider a formal loyalty program. Airlines, hotels, restaurants and more use loyalty programs to offer incentives for continued business. Would such a program work in your business?

 

Whether you choose to institute any or all of the strategies mentioned here – or dozens of other options – there is one ever-present way to compete in any market. Simply stated, just deliver amazing customer service that makes the customer feel so special that he/she wouldn’t consider doing business with anyone else.

 

Shep Hyken is a customer experience expert and the Chief Amazement Officer of Shepard Presentations. He is a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestselling author and has been inducted into the National Speakers Association Hall of Fame for lifetime achievement in the speaking profession. Shep works with companies and organizations who want to build loyal relationships with their customers and employees. For more articles on customer service and business go to http://www.hyken.com.

Copyright © MMXIV Shep Hyken – Used with permission.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Management Women In Business

Thin Without Dieting

Check out the video here.

What’s the most frustrating thing you think about when you look at your body and say to yourself, “I need to lose 20 pounds?”

Is it?:

  • How am I possibly going to do this? I’ve tried so many times.
  • Dieting has never worked for me.
  • Even if I lose 20 pounds, how am I going to keep them off?
  • I just like to eat. Now what?

The bottom line is that diets don’t work. The recidivism rate on people who were on a diet is over 95%.  You resent having to deprive yourself, so why do it?

In today’s video Esateys gives six simple rules of how to lose weight and keep it off without dieting. 

Change your life style and your eating habits and you will change your waistline. Guaranteed!!  

And when you lose weight and keep it off  you will feel so much better about yourself and that will make you more productive and successful in your business and in every area of your life.

More on Esateys. www.esateys.com

Categories
Best Practices Entrepreneurship Leadership Personal Development

How to Motivate Your Team

Have you ever felt that if you could just motivate your team everything would be better? Why aren’t they motivated? Why don’t they want to do what needs to be done?

One of the reasons your team might not be as motivated as you would like is because people are not completely motivated by external factors, or at least they are not motivated by them for very long. A leader can inspire someone to action, but true, long-lasting motivation can only come from within the individual.

Think about something you have done that did not come from you, but had external forces behind it. Maybe it was where you went to school, what you majored in, a project at work, chores around the house, exercise, etc.

Now don’t get me wrong there are lots of projects and chores that come from external sources, but what I’m talking about for these has to do with being told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.

I bet you can come up with several situations where you excelled at tasks that you were given control over doing a way that felt good for you and other situations where you dreaded what you had to do because the motivation was not from within. When you get to create the path you are going to take it is much more motivating than when someone else tries to create it for you.

Since long lasting motivation must come from within you probably want to know how to create motivation in others, like your team or your employees. The following are three ways you can tap into key motivators to create engagement, which is one of the pieces of a high performance team.

 

First – Alignment

You want to align people with the work they do in a way that allows them to contribute who they are to a task. That means if someone loves creating systems and complex problems don’t ask them to do simple spreadsheet work and if someone else loves working in a group and brainstorming don’t put them at a desk where they have to work for hours alone with no input from others.

These of course are simplified examples, but the point I’m getting at is that when people are able to contribute in a way that lights them up there is little they won’t do to contribute. They will work with more focus, more dedication, more consistency, and they will go above and beyond.

 

Second – The Big Picture

People want to know how they fit into the big picture. How does their work help the organizations goals? What is it that they do that helps the corporate mission? People are truly motivated by purpose and in many cases more motivated by purpose than money. But they have to know the purpose and they have to also believe in it. This is especially true if you want to tap into the powerful energy that Millennials will bring to your workforce.

 

Third – Continued Growth

Once you have people in the right role who understand and believe in the team’s purpose, you must encourage their development. Learning new things that interest them and continued growth motivates people. They want to know they have opportunities within the team or organization to move up and grow. I don’t know very many people who say, “I’m good where I am, and I don’t want to do anything more, learn anything new, or make more money.” While the initial driver may or may not be long-term financial growth, people want to know they have somewhere to go with you or they will go somewhere else.

Take some time to reflect on what motivates you and start to look at what motivates those around you. Remember, just because something motivates you does not mean it will do the same for the rest of your team. If you want to learn more about the tools I use to help individuals and teams clarify their direction and understand who they are better visit www.c-suiteresults.com and check out the Core Value Index.

One of your jobs as a leader is to inspire those around you so that they are motivated to contribute fully, which will result in improved engagement, higher employee retention, and better overall results for them and of course for you. See how you can use these tips to amplify their motivation and help create better results for everyone on your team.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Leadership Personal Development

How to Build True Friendships in the Business World

Heshie Segal is my friend. I don’t mean that as a disclaimer, but as a prime example of what you’re about to learn from her.

British anthropologist Robin Dunbar famously estimated that humans can maintain a social circle of no more than 150 people, with no more than five people in our “closest layer” of friends.

For entrepreneurs who depend on networks of relationships, that might seem a bit discouraging, if not downright depressing. Take heart. The way it is doesn’t have to be the way it stays. Just ask Segal, whose passion for building truly meaningful friendships was born in a period of crushing loneliness.

Segal, a speaker, business leader, and self-described “children’s champion,” once sat alone in a wheelchair and contemplated the stark reality of her life: An intense focus on financial success had left her with thousands of acquaintances, but woefully short of real friends.

“Other than the person I was dating and my daughter,” she said, “I had no one to buy food for me, no one to take me to the doctor.”

At 52 years old, she had gone into the hospital on Sept. 12, 1996 for what she thought was routine foot surgery. She ended up in a wheelchair for more than 10 months, which gave her plenty of time to contemplate why nobody was calling to offer help.

“Well, it was my fault,” she said, “because I had been there for other people but only on my terms. Now I was suffering.”

Fast forward to today. Segal has “several hundred” people she considers “real friends” – people she could call at any time if she needed help and thousands more who are something more than mere acquaintances. Of her 5,000 personal friends on Facebook (the max allowed), she knows roughly 4,500 well enough to call them up and visit. And more than 700,000 people follow her inspirational news site, So Share This, on its Facebook page.

So, let’s be clear about this: she went from zero friends to hundreds of friends and hundreds of thousands of people in her network in just 10 years.

When we talked about how other entrepreneurs can blow Dunbar’s estimates out of the water, I realized there are at least four key questions we can work through to build the type of meaningful networks Segal has developed.

  1. HOW CAN I BE ME WITH YOU?

Segal’s number one rule is to “be yourself.” If you model authenticity and vulnerability, others will open up with you. It gives them permission to tell you when something is wrong and to ask for help. And when you willingly tell people about your life, it gives them an opportunity to offer their help.

  1. HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

Many entrepreneurs begin with a mindset that says, “How can you help me? A few ask, “How can we help each other?” Segal focuses on how she can help others. Once the relationship develops, she’s not afraid to ask for something if she needs it. But that’s not on her agenda in the beginning. Even when an introduction is made based on the belief that two people can contribute to each other, her focus is still on getting to know the other person and helping them, regardless of any reciprocity.

  1. WHAT RESONATES?

One reason Segal develops so many deep relationships is because so many of her relationships are built on the “who” not the “what.” In other words, it’s about building relationship based on “who you are,” not “what you do.” As she put it, “It’s not just that I want to help you – I want to resonate with you.”

To make these relationships happen, she regularly goes to conferences with a proactive agenda of deepening her relationship with one or two specific people. She seeks them out and tells them something like, “I don’t know if we will ever work together or not, but you are the person at this event that I want to know better.”

“If your heart is out there leading you,” she said, “then there is something synergistic that will come back to you. You’re not leading from, ‘Oh, I can get something from them.’ You’re leading with, ‘This could be a beautiful relationship.’”

  1. WHAT ARE OUR SHARED INTERESTS?

Some of Segal’s closest friendships are built around common interests – a love for going on safari, for collecting art, for helping serve the needs of children. Common interests open the doors to building a lasting rapport that leads to additional steps in a relationship.

What’s interesting is that she doesn’t just look for those shared interests among people who are just like her – she seeks them in people who are very different in age, ethnicity, nationality, culture, backgrounds, and experiences.

This approach, which she calls “jetnetting,” has helped her build a network that is deep, broad, authentic, and extremely diverse. All of that diversity and all of those friends help her grow, personally and professionally. And if she’s ever in need, this much she knows:

She’s got a friend in me.

Categories
Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

Reframing the Perception of Conflict

 

At some point or other, we’ve all taken leadership style or personality “tests,” whether the DISC assessment, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or one of myriad others on the market. But one scale I haven’t seen explicitly identified on any commercially available tools is how people perceive conflict.

 

Notice I did not say how they handle conflict. In my experience, a critical factor is whether and how people perceive conflict in the first place, as that is the catalyst that triggers the response. Once you start to see how differently people experience the concept of “conflict,” it becomes remarkably clear why they engage in it or avoid it the way that they do, and how you need to handle a situation in order to get the results you want in a way that is both collaborative and effective.

 

First, think about conflict not as a yes-or-no issue, but on a gray scale, with “peace” and “war” at the opposite extremes, separated by a wide range of degrees of intensity, which might look something like this:

Because of the range of degrees of this scale, the issue becomes one of personal tolerance, kind of like your personal tolerance for spicy food. These different degrees of conversational intensity, such as disagreement, debate and fight, always exist. At that point, the question then becomes at what point you start to feel a sense of genuine anxiety, and when that anxiety reaches a level that is intolerable, which makes you want (or need) to end the conversation – whether through fight or flight.

 

For people who tend to have a lower tolerance for conflict-related anxiety, they may view the scale like this:

 

From their perspective, they can only have a conversation comfortably as long as they know that they will not have to discuss anything that will make either or both people unhappy, because unhappiness reflects conflict, and conflict triggers anxiety, which is not tolerable. This is why people who are highly conflict-averse may tend to avoid engaging in some important conversations. Peace/Agreement Discussion Disagreement Debate Argument Fight Battle War Tolerable Anxiety Intolerable Anxiety Peace/Agreement Discussion Disagreement Debate Argument Fight Battle War 2 Ironically, it is often through the efforts and extents people go through in attempt to avoid conflict that they end up making a bad situation worse, as problems are allowed to fester

 

On the other hand, people who have a higher tolerance for conflict-based anxiety may view the scale more like this:

To these people, a good intellectual debate is just that: a debate, to explore the differences in ideas, whether for the purposes of trying to learn from each other, or to persuade the other person to change their view. As long as the discourse doesn’t get personal, most commentary is fair game.

 

Often people with much higher tolerance conflate being blunt with being efficient. Needless to say, this is also not a particularly good way to lead, if your goal is to build loyal and effective teams and customer relationships.

 

I strongly encourage you to share the models with your team and have an open discussion to compare where people identify their own tolerance levels. Once you understand how you perceive conflict and at what point that conflict puts you in a state of intolerable anxiety, especially relative to someone else’s tolerance, you’ll be better able to understand why your response to conflict defaults a certain way. Only then will it be possible to discover what you need to do to promote open discussion in a way that creates trust, and increases productivity and overall success.

 

Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

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