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Ignore the Trolls – Pay Attention to Opinions That Really Matter

Trolling – A fishing term for trailing bait and hoping for a bite. In today’s world? The idea of trolls frequently conjures up ugly and distasteful online comments, often left by anonymous sources. These sources are looking for a bite as well, and an opportunity to engage.

When I think of the word troll? I think of the big ugly monster covered in warts and grumpy that sits under the bridge.  Or in modern society – a mean bully behind a computer screen, eager to inflame, incite, and get under someone’s skin. So, what can you do about the modern-day troll? I’ve got six strategies to share:

  1. Don’t feed them. This is my favorite way to handle their nonsense. Don’t give them the attention they crave. Trolling is really only sport for people when they get the bite they are looking for. Without it? The troll becomes bored and goes away.
  2. Set policy and safeguards. If you have an organization that has an online presence and an opportunity for trolls to stumble across your “bridge” and bait your team, set a standard policy in place for how to handle it and let every team member understand that policy. Your blog and online forums can also be locked so that comments need approval before going “live”. Or shut down commentary altogether on your site. A Psychology Today article on the topic shared, “Reuters, Popular Science, ESPN, Huffington Post, The Week, USA Today, The Chicago Sun-Times, and National Public Radio have eliminated reader commentary in the past few years, in favor of moving commentaries to platforms like Facebook and Twitter where users are less anonymous and more accountable for their words.
  3. Use your principles as a guide. A self-proclaimed “former troll”, Paul Jun, shared this in an enlightened post, “The reason why abiding to principles is so helpful is because they tell us how to act. ‘Do this, not this.’ It focuses on the long-term outcome, whereas acting on our impulses creates many possible—and unfavorable—results. If there is one thing I learned both in psychology and philosophy, it’s this: No one can hurt you. It is what we tell ourselves about the specific event or person that creates the feeling. In the words of Marcus Aurelius, ‘It can ruin your life only if it ruins your character. Otherwise trolls cannot harm you — inside or out.’
  4. Create a community. When you’ve got a great name and reputation going for yourself and your business, and you’ve got the support of the community members around you – they’ll help take care of the problem. It’s wonderful to see those stories that come out where communities rise up in defense of someone who has taken an online hit.
  5. Laugh. Consider the source and keep your sense of humor. The bottom line is that bullies are often attention seekers who have too much time on their hands and too much ill will in their lives. As long as you have systems in place to protect your reputation and shut down unprovoked and unkind commentary and you know that your integrity and character are above reproach? Just laugh it off and walk away. Take the high road and leave them to their low one.
  6. Make corrections. Sometimes, commentary is based in a legitimate complaint or issue. If that’s the case, take the advice of renowned author, speaker and TV personality Jeffrey Hayzlett, who said in an interview for Forbes, “Let the person who wrote the complaint know you have corrected an error and explain what you did. Most times you’ll never hear from the person again, but I can guarantee the individual will appreciate that he heard directly from a company representative and didn’t have to navigate an endless phone tree.” Everyone makes mistakes. Every company can find areas of improvement. If someone points something out, and it’s a concern – fix it, and move on.

In a world that sometimes hosts trolls and bullies of both the cyber variety and in real life (that’s IRL in troll-speak), it’s good to pay attention to what matters. Your word. Your reality. Your integrity. Your character. What someone says to bait a person for bullying purposes is almost always not based in reality. Protect your reputation – but let those words roll off. In the end, they are not worth your valuable ATTENTION.

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How to Use Reverse Questioning to Win More Negotiations

“The degree of success you experience in life and in negotiations is based to a degree on asking the right questions successfully.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

You no doubt know what reverse engineering is, right? Reverse questioning in a negotiation is the process of identifying the questions you need to ask in order to obtain the answers that will lead to a successful negotiation outcome. It’s also a way to identify how you’ll control the flow of the negotiation.

As a quick example, if you wanted to exit a negotiation paying $1,000 for a product you’d work from the outcome sought back to the beginning of the negotiation; you might also consider working back from that point to how you would position yourself prior to entering into the negotiation. To perform the latter, you’d assess the requirements needed (i.e. how you’d position yourself) to have your persona projected in a certain light/manner.

The following is what the step-by-step process would look like.

  1. Identify the most and least favorable outcome you’ll seek from the negotiation, along with why you’ve identified those points of juxtaposition. As a benefit, having that insight will help you identify exit points from the negotiation.
  2. Assemble a list of questions that might be asked of you as you would go through the negotiation.
  3. Create answers to the questions posed in step 2 that are needed to drive your efforts towards a winning negotiation outcome, while formulating questions you’ll ask to keep the negotiation on track; these will be your defensive questions. Identify points where you can answer a question with a question; remember, the person asking the questions is the person controlling the negotiation. That’s due to the fact, that person is gaining more information.
  4. Once you create and address step 3, create a list of questions that you might ask of the other negotiator that’s separate from the ones you might use to respond to his questions; these will become your offensive questions. Offensive questions are questions that move your negotiation efforts quicker towards the end of the negotiation; they are questions that the other negotiator has to agree with because they’re based on what he’s previously stated as his beliefs or truths; you’ll be weaponizing his thoughts and questions against him. Some of these questions will also come in the form of questions that answer questions.
  5. Assess how the opposing negotiator might respond to your scenario.
  6. Continue going over steps 1 through 5, in an attempt to uncover additional questions that you’d not considered that need to be included in the process.
  7. Once you feel you’ve honed the questions to a point that the other negotiator has to follow a prescribed path that you’ve created for the negotiation, test your hypothesis in a mock negotiation. This will allow your questioning process to become more refined and may uncover better/additional questions.
  8. Once you feel totally prepared to utilize your questions in a negotiation, do so. Engage with the confidence in knowing that you’ve created a stealthy way of capturing better information as you go throughout the negotiation.
  9. Save your questions in a repository to be used for comparison to past and future negotiation situations.

 

The wrong question asked at the right time in a negotiation may do incalculable harm. The wrong question asked at the wrong time in a negotiation may lead to a negotiation impasse. Create and test your questions before entering into a negotiation and you’ll have more of a chance to reach a successful negotiation outcome … and everything will be right with the world.

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com 

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #Bully #Question

#psychology

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Don’t Hurt the Leader’s Position

“A leader is someone that possesses the ability to successfully lead others from the front or the rear. Always know the position of your leader.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

When someone is serving as the leader of your team and you’ve agreed to give them your support, follow their lead; don’t hurt them or your team by engaging in intended or unintended subterfuge.

In the daily activities of everyone’s life, everyone follows someone. Thus, those that you follow have influence by the fact that you anoint them as someone to lead you. You embolden them with that privilege by the fact that you follow their edict/mandate/suggestions. That being the case, don’t undermine the leader by:

  1. Going off-point per a strategy that has been discussed and agreed upon (e.g. going around the leader to gain attention for yourself, etc.)

 

  1. Engaging with outside sources that have not been agreed upon – make sure the leader knows what you’re planning to do

 

  1. Creating ad-hoc strategies when you’re in the midst of interactions with those that are not on your team/group

When you subvert the direction of the lead that you’ve granted to someone, you forgo potential opportunities, and diminish your team’s ability to implement the plan that’s been agreed upon; that can be costly in time and opportunities. You may also be cloaking into darkness the light of opportunities that may have shown themselves to you in the future (i.e. if you prove not to be a team player, no one will want you on their team.)

If you’re going to be a team player, play follow the leader by supporting the person that you’ve chosen to follow. Do so to the degree that such returns are beneficial to you and the team. Once you decide that you no longer wish to engage, inform the leader of your intent and disengage. Don’t just drop out without any communication. If you restrict the flow of communications, you don’t know what potential door(s) you’ll close that might have offered opportunities that could lead you to higher heights.

As long as you’ve decided to follow the leader, don’t hurt her. You’ve made a conscious decision to allow her to lead. So, follow her lead as long as it serves you and her … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

In a team negotiation environment, the leader of the team can position and pose as any of its members; it doesn’t have to be the person that projects the image of a leader at the negotiation table. Depending on the strategy chosen by the team, the leader may pose as someone that’s in a strategic position for a particular negotiation. He may also be positioned as someone that a senior person on the team can replace once the negotiation has reached a certain point.

The point is, once you have a strategy in place, don’t undermine it by undermining the person that’s the lead for the negotiation. Not only will you be weakening her, you’ll also be weakening your team’s negotiation position and the perspective beneficial outcome of the negotiation for all of you.

 

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to  sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #Leadership

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Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Women In Business

Distractions Decay. Attention Pays

Everywhere I look there are people staring at their phones – walking down the street and through airports, at restaurants and coffee shops, networking events and family gatherings. I believe we are so distracted that we are losing the ability to connect with each other and our surroundings.

We go through the motions of day-to-day life while failing to invest any real concentrated effort into any of it. We drive from place to place, often not remembering how we got there because we are tuned out, lost in our heads, distracted with technology and suffering from mental fatigue. We finish the workday exhausted while feeling we’ve accomplish nothing of any real value. We participate in conversations and fail to remember more than a quarter of it.

Our society is overlooking what important and failing to honor what matters most. We sacrifice time with our families and friends to answer emails and messages. We give up necessary sleep to check alerts and texts. We lose lives because drivers focus their attention on a screen and not on the road.

When do we say enough?

We do we recognize technology as a tool, not as a life source?

At what point do we commit to changing our habits and realize our distractions decay and attention pays?

I believe when we commit to focusing our attention on what matters most, everything in our lives flourish. Relationships are fed, tasks are completed, profits are boosted, productivity increases and accountability is restored.  When organizational leaders commit to avoiding interruptions in order to engage in a conversation and truly connect with their employees, morale increases and profits soar. When coworkers remove daily distractions, they have time to focus on important tasks and achieve deadlines. When families commit to each other, their relationships grow and their need for superficial technological fulfillment decreases. When we as individuals realize we cannot operate in a 24×7 world and that we require rest and recovery to be our best selves, our productivity improves.

Are you ready to make a change? Are you ready to admit you’re distracted? Are you ready to recognize it’s time to pay attention to what matters most? Join me as I embark on an #AttentionRevolution where we change our habits and behaviors so our distractions no longer decay and our attention pays.

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How to Really Overcome a Bully Before Negotiating

“A bully is a misguided person with perceived power. Extinguish his sources of power and you extinguish the bully.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Do you know how to really overcome a bully before negotiating with him? There you are. You’re negotiating against a bully! He’s someone that’s willing to lie, cheat, and steal to come out ahead in the negotiation. You think to yourself, ‘what can I do? This son-of-a-gun is not playing fair and I don’t know how to overcome him!’ The answer to, ‘what can I do’ was hidden in what occurred before the negotiation began.

The following insights will allow you to position yourself better to overcome a bully’s ploys before you negotiate with him.

Positioning:

In every negotiation, positioning occurs. It’s shown in the way the negotiators perceive each other and themselves. Thus, positioning is important because it determines how negotiators will interact with one another.

If you know you’ll be negotiating against someone that has bullied others in the past, before entering into the negotiation, attempt to discover the demeanor of those individuals. In particular seek to define whether they were perceived to be weak by your opponent due to their short-comings, or if your opponent felt empowered due to some other factor(s) he had going for himself at the time of the negotiation(s). That information will allow you to best position yourself from a position of strength. A bully’s loathing for weakness is the reason he only picks on targets that he perceives to be weak.

Leverage: (ploys you can employ when negotiating with a bully)

  • Using Other people
    • All bullies look up to someone. If you can find a way to curry favor with the bully’s icon, you can supplant his bullying efforts against you. After all, the bully wants an easy target. If the bully’s icon has favored you, that makes you less of a target to the bully.
  • Bully’s weakness
    • All bullies have an Achilles heel. It may be how they wish to be perceived by others. It may also appear in the form of the bully being perceived in one light versus another. Whatever it is, discover it and be prepared to exploit it during the negotiation if such is called for.
  • Bully’s Persona (his vanity)
    • If you’re aware of the pride a bully takes in having himself perceived in a certain light, attempt to alter that light; have it shine on someone or somewhere else. You will have taken away his source of motivation. Hold it hostage until he dismantles his bullying ways. The point is, hit him where you’ll get the most attention and where it will hurt him the most. Remember, he despises weakness and applauds strength.

Be Stealthy:

Every good negotiator gathers information about the opposing negotiator. When you know you’ll be negotiating against a bully, drip misinformation into places that he seeks to gather information about you. The better you can use such information to misguide him, the more difficult it’ll be for him to assess the type of negotiator you are; always be willing to display a different negotiation demeanor based on the opposing negotiator.

When engaging a bully in a negotiation, there are all kinds of mind games that occur. Utilize the insights above and you’ll be in a better mental state than the bully. The better you play the game, the greater the chance that you’ll be able to overcome a bully when negotiating … and everything will be right with the world.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #Bully

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Life is Always Testing You; A Negotiation Inspirational Insight

“Tests are meant to measure your improvement. Life’s tests are meant to improve you!” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“Life is Always Testing You”

“This is a test. For the next 60 seconds …”

“Fear not the passing of time. Fear instead your lack of ability to use the gifts that time gives you.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Life is always testing us and thus, life is always a test. Be thankful for that because it means that you’re alive, with the ability to go higher in life.

We plan for one thing and something else happens. We set our expectations upon what we’ve planned for and life zags when we thought it was going to zig. At times, it can drive you nuts! But, you shouldn’t let it. Consider it as just another test that life is putting before you; it’s doing so to make you stronger. It’s doing so to see how quickly you can adapt to unexpected occurrences. To the degree that you don’t let such occurrences create mental angst within you, you’ll become infused with more resiliency in life, for your life. That can serve as a source of motivation to fortify your mental attitude and enhance your aptitude to achieve more in life.

The way we perceive and interpret what occurs in our life determines how we’ll adapt to those occurrences and how well we interact with them. Thus, if you view an occurrence from the perspective that it’s a test from which you can improve your abilities, the new/altered occurrence from what you expected can be viewed in a more positive light. That positive perspective should allow you to deal with the unplanned, unexpected occurrence easier and with less apprehension.

When something doesn’t serve you, don’t let it disserve you a second time. Occurrences will come to you from many different sources. Let the positive things that come from such sources support you. For those that detract from you and your goals, be thankful for their insights as you say goodbye to them, knowing that they too add value to your life.

Once you look at your life’s occurrences as being a value-add to your life, you will have adopted a mindset of openness, acceptance, and a mental state of ease. Once you do that … everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

Negotiations are fraught with occurrences that challenged your preconceived plans based on the plans you assembled for the negotiation. Again, to the degree you’re flexible in the flow of the negotiation and you’re adaptable to the changing flow that occurs in/during it, the better a grip you’ll have on determining its outcome. That means you should manage your emotional state during the negotiation, constantly be thinking of any hidden meanings in unspoken and spoken words and any additional insight that body language gestures convey. That assembly of insights will make you a more formattable negotiator, which will lead to better negotiation outcomes for you.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

 To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to  sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #Lifetest

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Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Personal Development

Can I Speak With Someone in the Customer Prevention Department?

What company would even have such a department?? You would be surprised and horrified to find out, especially if that department existed in your company!

Make it easy for customers to do business with you… or they won’t! Have you ever tried to do business with a company that seemed like they had a Customer Prevention department? It might sound silly, but think about it!

Here are some signs that a company does not want your business or care about you:

  • You call them and leave a message but they don’t call you back……. ever
  • You ask them to send you something and you never receive it
  • They answer their phone and sound bothered that you are calling them and interrupting them
  • They don’t have their phone number listed on their website
  • You can’t leave a message if you call after hours for a return phone call
  • You visit their business and you can’t find anyone to help you
  • You go to the counter to pay for your purchase and the person behind the counter is too busy texting on their cell phone to notice that you’re even standing there with money in your hand
  • The employees of the company complain about their bosses, co-workers, policies or other customers in front of you

If you encounter such a company when you’re the customer, my advice to you is to pass them by. A friend of mine recently went to a local hair salon to get a blowout before a special event. She told me that although her hair looked beautiful, the hairstylist spent the entire time on a personal call on her cell phone. Not only did my friend feel unimportant, she felt like an inconvenience. Why should she return to a salon that clearly does not appreciate or value their customers, when there are numerous salons who do?

Business owners need to remember that they’re not the only game in town.  Actually, they probably have many competitors whose product or service is in all probability very similar to theirs.  The price is likely comparable as well.  So why should you buy it from them instead of “Joe down the street?”

Imagine getting into a car accident. You call up your insurance company and explain the situation. The first thing out of the agent’s mouth is, “What’s your policy number?” This agent is in the Customer Prevention Department. How should they have handled the call? “I’m so sorry to hear that you were in an accident! Are you alright?”

According to a survey by Bain & Company, 80% of companies surveyed believe they deliver a superior customer experience.  However, only 8% of their customers agree.  Those numbers just don’t add up, and it’s a recipe for disaster.  If you think you’re doing a great job taking care of your customers but your customers think otherwise, they may not be your customers for very long.

If you suspect that your company has a Customer Prevention Department, then it’s time to eliminate that department – and quickly!

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Best Practices Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

When You’re Just Too Busy

We wear busy like a badge of honor. Busy has become a status symbol within our society, which is crazy when you stop to consider how terrible it is to our productivity, personal well-being and relationships. We believe if we aren’t busy, we aren’t productive.

Researchers have discovered people are feeling overwhelmed at work dealing with constant distractions that then spill over into our personal lives, affecting our recovery, families and friendships. The result: the feeling of anxiety, stress, fatigue and a lack of focus on what matters most.

The Centre for Time Use Research at Oxford University says the total amount of time people work is the same as it’s always been and data indicates people who say they’re the busiest generally aren’t.

Question is: If we aren’t actually busier than in the past, why do we feel like it?  

Part of the answer is simple – attention is our new currency and is more valuable than ever before. With a constant stream of incoming emails, meetings to attend, things to read, ideas to execute, it’s no wonder we feel unable to give our undivided attention to what is most important.  When you couple everything competing for our attention with the digital age of technology, it’s no wonder we are feeling overwhelmed, overstressed and overtired. Fact is: we work 24×7. We never get a break.

Technology and societal pressures leave us feeling the need to be accessible to everyone all the time. As a result, everything suffers. Ironically, being constantly accessible actually decreases our productivity, not the other way around. When we feel rushed, we actually suffer from decreased production, focus and attention to detail. The pace of which we work slows, we are more apt to make mistakes and more likely to disconnect from meaningful relationships.

When we are overwhelmed and lack concentrated focus, we inadvertently compile our stress by taking on even more obligations than we can handle. Before we know it, we are sacrificing what matters most to suffice what matters now. Even worse, we have preprogrammed ourselves to believe we must always be on, plugged in and responsive. We fail to give ourselves the necessary time to recover and refocus.

It’s time to change our mindset. It’s time for an Attention Revolution.  We must stop considering busy as an indication of our importance. We must measure our success not by the time it takes to complete a task, rather the results we achieve. It’s time to prioritize what matters most to us and use those priorities as filters for what we commit to doing. We must learn to say ‘no’ to requests for our time that steal our attention from what matters most. It’s time to start realizing the value our undivided attention brings to relationships, productivity and accountability.

Maybe then, we’ll see we aren’t as busy as we thought we were.

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Are You a Thought Leader? Get Your Ideas the Attention They Deserve

Have you ever heard the term ‘Thought Leadership’ and wondered what it was and who gets to call themselves a ‘Thought Leader?’ True thought leaders shape and shift ideas, perspectives and focus in others.

Thought leaders don’t just know something, they are known for something. People often consider themselves Thought Leaders and yet are actually just thought repeaters. If you really want to stand out as a unique leader who drives passion and focus in others, you must know with conviction, or be willing to develop the skills that meet the following Thought Leadership criteria:

  • Within your business or corporation, you are the go-to resource that best represents your brand, idea and thoughts.
  • You can quickly strategize using thought leadership as a marketing strategy to operationalize your unique ideas.
  • Create ideas and information your business and department can capitalize on by sharing it with the world in a way that is unique and one-of-a-kind.

Utilizing your unique talent and ideas in Thought Leadership can help you inspire and develop top talent within your company. It can also help you attract and retain a larger client base with great connection, engagement and partnership with your brand.

Question is, once you’ve identified your inner thought leader, how can you share your insightfulness to those around you?

1. Capture what you know: You must take the ideas from your head and create ways to communicate them to the marketplace. Thought Leaders can be found in any existing field of work imaginable; however, having a thorough knowledge and unique insights into a topic is only the beginning. Document what you know, your intellectual property. Become a subject-matter expert with unique insights and perspectives to share in your area of expertise. Communicate them in a way that demonstrates value, with language that is uniquely yours.

2. Make your ideas known by others: Of equal importance is the Thought Leader’s ability to educate others on their ideas. It is critical to to share ideas in such a way that you inspire others to want to pass the information along to those in their inner circle. So, package your ideas in an accessible and attractive format to distribute to a market hungry for insights and solutions to problems, and those hearing your message will be eager to distribute it accordingly.

3. Communicate with other Thought Leaders: Communicate with other industry thought leaders, those that are shaking up the way their industry operates. Those with unique insights and ideas often value like-mindedness. They will embrace your approach and engage others willing to listen and learn.

4. Concentrate your messages to the markets that will value your expertise: Your ideas offered must be powerful enough to shift, or contribute to the future direction of an industry, community or even a whole way of thinking. If your thought leadership ideas focus on customer engagement, focus on developing relationships and creating connections with those whose interests concur. If technological ideas are what you’re known for, engage with other like-minded industry thinkers that will see the value in your message and understand the long-term impact your ideas will have.

Thought leadership is a unique skill set and way of packaging solutions to problems others may not consider. Once you’ve identified this talent within yourself, or developed the skills to be known for what you know, move forward with the communication strategy presented so you can spread your knowledge and ideas successfully.

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Growth Human Resources Management Personal Development Women In Business

A Lesson in Self Awareness

I had a brief interview with the Registrar, School of Graduate Studies, University of Toronto.

He asked me 3 questions:

1.) Do I generally get along with others?

2.) What do I do if I don’t get along with someone?

3.) When can I start?

I started the following Monday.

The Registrar was my first mentor. He gave me his complete trust. He was supportive when I initiated changes, he recommended me to collaborate on exciting projects and encouraged me to be engaged at all levels at the university.

During my second year at U of T, the Registrar announced his upcoming retirement. I was disappointed that he would be leaving soon, but also happy for him to begin a new chapter. I decided to invite him for lunch, as a small token of gratitude for all that he had done for me.

On the day of our lunch date, I met him at his office. He was an unpretentious man, with an unpretentious wardrobe, but that day he wore a trendy new shirt and tie. I commented on his new look and he smiled and said, “My wife picked this out.” I told him that she has great taste.

I asked him if he likes Indian cuisine and he told me he was up for anything. So, we headed out to a quaint restaurant nearby, that had a great lunch menu. On our way there I noticed that he walked a little taller and had a little spring in his step. He was in a great mood!

After we placed our order we started to discuss work but I wanted to learn more about him – about who he is as a person. He quickly opened up and shared some really surprising stories with me. The Registrar told me that he was once a volunteer teacher in Africa, which is where he met his wife, who was also a volunteer. And I discovered that he has a great sense of humour. He told me a hilarious elephant story, which had me in tears at one point!

We enjoyed delicious meals and great conversation. When the server presented the bill, the Registrar reached across the table to pay. I insisted that it is my treat. I paid the bill and then we left the restaurant.

As we were walking back to work, I expressed to the Registrar how much I really appreciate all of the time and support that he gave me. I told him that I will never forget his kindness. Then I said, “Thank you”. He smiled at me as we walked across the campus.

Then he stopped for a moment and asked me, “Can I share something with you?” I answered, “Of course.” He said, “I have been working here for 25 years and this is the first time a colleague has invited me to lunch.” Then he said, “Thank you, Michelle.” I smiled at him.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. When we arrived at our building he held the door open for me, and then he followed behind me. We walked up the stairs together to the second floor, where his office was located and then I continued up to the Ph.D. Oral Exams Office on the third floor.

When I reached my office, I sat down and turned my chair around to face the window. I gazed outside and thought about our conversation. I was so grateful that we had the opportunity to gain self-awareness. We learned how our actions impact others and how others perceive us.

That was the best lunch I ever had.

Michelle Nasser, Executive Coach     michellenasser.leaders@gmail.com  www.michellenasser.com