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Category: Skills

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Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Negotiations Skills Women In Business

Do You Respond or React?

A little while ago, a German PhD student and I were discussing the dynamics of working in international or multicultural settings, when he asked me, “What’s the one piece of advice you would give to someone who was going to work in [that kind of environment]?”

It was a powerful question, since it’s hard to distill the 1,001 ideas that swirled through my head down to one single line item.

Finally, I said, “No matter what happens, don’t react.”

He looked at me, surprised. “So, if someone says or does something that you don’t like, you should just do nothing?”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” I replied. “You can respond; just don’t react.”

“What’s the difference?” he asked.

I went on to explain that a reaction is an instinctive reflex, often influenced by your “fight or flight” tendencies, whereas a response is a conscious decision.

A critical skill that separates bosses from true leaders is the ability to catch yourself when the reflex to react kicks in, and hit the pause button. Then assess the situation from what I like to call a “split-brain perspective” before deciding your course of action. Depending on the situation and your natural tendencies, you may be able to do this quickly, or you may need to take some time to think it through, and return to continue the discussion an hour or a day later.

Either way, the process requires three equally important steps.

Step 1: Acknowledge your feelings

The first step is on the “emotional side” of your brain – the one whose reaction is to be annoyed, offended or off-put by what the other person said or did. Start by identifying what you’re feeling and why. For example, you can say to yourself, “Whenever he asks for something, it always sounds like a command. It sounds like he thinks he’s my boss, and it really gets under my skin.”

Especially in intercultural encounters (but not unusual in any context), it’s common to perceive others as being rude or otherwise feel like their comments are insensitive or inappropriate. Here’s the thing: it is okay to feel this way. You don’t have to deny your feelings; just don’t let them drive you or your reaction. Acknowledge them, and then go to step-two.

Step 2: Seek alternative explanations

This is when the “logical side” of your brain needs to take over, giving the person the benefit of the doubt that there is a perfectly reasonable alternative explanation for what they did or said, and that their intention was not to offend you. Your job is to discover their real reason and intent.

Now, you can remind yourself, “He probably doesn’t realize how that came across. Let’s find out what he meant and go from there.”

You never know what might be under the surface. For example, in Russian, it is perfectly professional to say “do this now,” whereas in English it sounds extremely demanding, “bossy” and abrasive. The problem is that even though the person may be “fluent” in English, they could still be thinking in Russian and translating word for word into English, not realizing that while their statement is technically, grammatically correct, it is contextually inappropriate.

On the flip side, while it’s considered appropriate in English to say, “Can you get X to me by the end of the day? I can’t do my part until I have X from you and the deadline is tomorrow,” in Russian, such a statement sounds timid and wishy-washy. As a result, it might not have occurred to the person to frame it this way, subconsciously assuming it would be inappropriate.

Once you’ve had that quick check-in with yourself to regroup, move on to step-three.

Step 3: Respond thoughtfully

This is where the rubber hits the road, so to speak. Considering everything from steps one and two, you need to formulate your response to the person in a way that isn’t defensive (or offensive, for that matter), and shows that you want to reach a mutual understanding.

Whether you address the issue immediately or at a later time, perhaps when you can have the conversation in private, start by calmly and objectively identifying the comment/behavior. E.g., “I just want to clarify what’s probably a misunderstanding. Earlier, you told me to (XYZ), and the other day you said (ABC). I’m happy to help, but when you say it like that, it feels like you’re giving me orders. I don’t think you did it intentionally, so I wanted to ask you to clarify what you meant.”

At that point the person will have the chance to share their perspective and even apologize if necessary. They might be surprised or embarrassed, and this approach helps them to set the record straight, turning the exchange into a learning experience for both of you. In the end, you get clarity, strengthen your relationship, and allow them to rebuild their reputation with you and others moving forward.

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Negotiations Sales Skills Women In Business

Being High From Happiness

 “Happiness can be elusive. When you need happiness the most and you can’t find it within yourself, make someone else happy. It’ll find its way back to you.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Are you happy when you’re high? Depending on your interpretation of ‘high’, that may or may not have the same connotation to you as others.

Being high can stem from a myriad of sources. It can stem from the consumption of alcohol, tobacco, or illicit drugs. It can also stem from a more natural source.

If you seek a natural high, one that’s unencumbered by a false sense of spirited motivation, you can experience the true sense of happiness. The challenge becomes where to find, corral and keep that sense of happiness so you can call on it when needed.

No one can be on a natural high all of the time. But, if you evoke it without false insemination, you are on your way to unlocking one of the keys to a successful life; that key is happiness.

Here’s the point. One day none of what you think is important will be important. None of the challenges you have will be important either. That day will occur when you’re no longer able to influence your thoughts or those of others. That’s the day that you will have transitioned from this life into another realm of being. So, make yourself as happy as you can, while you can. And, when you can’t make yourself happy, make someone else happy. That act will come back to you in the form of happiness … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

When you negotiate, be extremely protective of your mind (i.e. the way you think and feel) and your thought process. If you’re able to contemplate happiness in the face of adversity, happiness may not appear to be that daunting. That will allow you a freer thought process, one that’s not encumbered by dread.

It’s the thoughts fueled by negativity that causes our negotiation efforts to become derailed at times. The thought of being happy can keep your thoughts on the right track. It may sound quirky but, try it. Act happy when experiencing dread during a negotiation. At a minimum, it will cause the other negotiator to wonder what’s occurring. That may give you the time needed to assemble a more robust rebuttal.

Think happy thoughts, be happy. You really don’t have anything to lose and you might discover something that’s unique about your negotiation abilities than you previously realized.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions #Psychology #Perception #rejection #leadership #HowToImproveYourself #Happiness

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

On St. Patty’s Day, Take Control of Your Luck!

“The luck of the Irish” is a fun notion celebrated with lots of images of shamrocks and leprechauns this time of year in anticipation of St. Patrick’s Day. But when it comes to being seen as a leader, luck has nothing to do with it. As the saying goes, “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.” So here are four easy steps (one for each leaf on your shamrock) to prepare yourself so that when the opportunity arises, you are ready to create your own “good luck.”

1. Project Confidence

 Whether your hands are steady or your knees are knocking at the idea of speaking to a particular person or group, project an air of poise and confidence. I’m not suggesting you act like a know-it-all or brag arrogantly about an accomplishment, but don’t let them see that you’re nervous. Rather, steady your nerves, take a few deep breaths, smile, make eye contact and own your material as you speak.

Even if someone asks a tough question, calmly acknowledge the premise and give the best answer you can. If you don’t have the answer on hand, matter-of-factly let the person know that you’ll get the answer for them as soon as the meeting is over. Showing grace under fire is a very compelling sign of confidence, and indicates that you have everything under control; you’re not panicking, so they shouldn’t either. That’s the kind of person people what to have in charge.

2. Do Your Research

When you’re going to meet with a particular audience, go beyond preparing your proposal or slide deck, and see what else you can learn about them as people. LinkedIn is a great place to start. How long have they been with the company or in the industry? What alumni associations do they belong to? What hobbies or connections do you have in common? The more areas you can find to relate to them, the more easily they will feel comfortable with you.

About five years ago I had set up a meeting with the VP of human resources of a company I really wanted to work with. The day before we met, I looked her up on LinkedIn, and to my surprise, discovered that her birthday was the very next day. (Who knew LinkedIn had birthday information?)

On the way to the meeting I stopped at the store to pick up a fun card. When we got together, I pulled the envelope out of my bag and said, “By the way, this is for you.”

She looked at me, a bit puzzled, then opened it up. When she saw what it was, her eyes widened in surprised, and with a big smile she asked, “How did you know?”

I just smiled and said, “A little birdie told me.” We’ve been friends ever since, and I’ve done tons of business with the company.

3. Rehearse Your Opening

One massive pitfall for most people is that even though they might plan what they’re going to say in the body of a presentation, when it comes to the introduction, they completely wing it. “It’s just small talk, welcoming people, and setting the agenda,” they think. “I don’t need to practice that.

Au contraire. It’s exactly that simple intro that you need to flesh out and rehearse. Although the concepts are simple, you can’t afford to trip over your words as you fumble for what to say. If the intro is clumsy and awkward, it sets a negative tone and gives a poor first impression, which will taint the audience’s view of the rest of what you’re going to say. Your image and reputation start out behind the eight ball, and then it’s up to you to come from behind rather than starting out front and simply maintaining a comfortable lead.

4. Speak in Your Best Voice

The same way you choose your outfit carefully to dress appropriately for your audience, you should also dress your words in a “suit”-able voice. Your word choice might indicate what you want the audience to think, but your vocal delivery will tell people how you actually feel about what you’re saying. If those messages are conflicting, the voice of doubt almost always wins.

For example, avoid bad habits like “vocal fry,” which is when your voice sounds gravelly like you’re sleepy or not sure about what you are saying. Remember to pause frequently enough when speaking so that you can take another breath, refuel the air tank, and allow a nice, rich, resonant voice to speak in a way that sounds convincing and convinced.

Similarly, up-speak – the vocal pattern that sounds like you’re asking question after question even when there is no question in sight –  can be another grenade to your reputation. That incessant question-like tone sounds like you are constantly seeking validation by implying, “Okay? You know? Am I right?” If you’re truly confident in your material, as any leader should be, you shouldn’t be begging for approval.  Instead, use vocal periods, allowing your voice to drop at the end of each sentence. The declarative tone sounds like you own your material and are in control of the situation.

When you put these four practices together, you’ll project the image of a person who is strong, relatable, and effective. If that becomes your normal speaking pattern, your reputation will speak for itself, so when the right opportunity arises, you won’t need luck.

Now that’s the kind of person I want to have running my projects!

*****

Do you have questions or comments about how to present yourself in the most effective way? Email me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to set up a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me, personally.

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Growth Human Resources Management Skills

Engaged Employees Make Happy Customers

Are your employees engaged?

Shep Hyken sits down with Julie Ann Sullivan, author of Blueprint for Employee Engagement: 37 Essential Elements to Influence, Innovate & Inspire, discussing the impact that engaged employees can make on customers.

Top Takeaways:

  • When employees feel like they are making a contribution to the company, they are going to become problem-solvers and idea-makers.

 

  • When employees feel acknowledged and valued, they exude that to customers. This leads to listening to the customer and showing them that they have value.

 

  • A few of the Essential Elements to Influence, Innovate & Inspire:

 

  1. Communication – Even just one word can change the whole meaning of a sentence.

 

  1. Service – When your job is in customer service, it truly isn’t about you. It’s about the customer. The motive behind service should never be because you have to. The motive should be that you love the company and you want the customer to love it as well.

 

  1. Patience – You may never fully get rid of your impatience. But if you are aware of when you are impatient and can catch yourself, then you can change.

 

  1. Purpose – When people know the purpose behind what they are doing, they can do it much better.

 

  1. Relationships – They grow over time. You don’t meet someone and immediately know them and care for them. Relationships must be nurtured. It’s the same with customers and clients.

 

  1. Leadership – People need to feel, without fear, that they can ask questions. If you have a business culture where people are too afraid to approach the leadership about problems, more mistakes get made. Leaders must be able to let go. They must trust their people and give them the power to do what is right.

 

  1. Respect – You must give it to get it. You can’t just demand it.

 

  1. Gratitude – A little bit goes a long way. The more you are grateful, the more things you find to be grateful for.

About:

Julie Ann Sullivan is the author of Blueprint for Employee Engagement: 37 Essential Elements to Influence, Innovate & Inspire. Julie Ann works with organizations that want to create a workplace environment where people are productive, engaged, and appreciated.

Shep Hyken is a customer service and experience expert, New York Times bestselling author, award-winning keynote speaker, and your host of Amazing Business Radio.

Quotes:

“Customer service is people to people. If the people who are giving out customer service are not happy, that’s what they’re going to portray to the customer.”

“When you have a good workplace culture, people are more productive. And, they’re more careful in what they do so they make less errors.”

“Customer service is easy when everything is going well. I only know how good a company is when things don’t go well.”

Questions:

  1. How can I engage my employees?
  2. How can I be a better example to my employees?
  3. How can I be more approachable to my employees?
  4. How can I be a better manager?
  5. What can I do about employee turnover?
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Accounting Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Negotiations Skills Women In Business

What You Need to Know About Negotiation Fallacy Dilemmas

“Fallacy dilemmas are only dilemmas to the degree that you allow them life. Test them and you’ll determine to what degree they live.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

When negotiating, you should always be aware of fallacy dilemmas. In a negotiation, fallacy dilemmas are offers presented as either/or propositions, whose propositions are opposite one another. They’re presented in such a manner that they seem to be the only available options.

In discussing fallacy dilemmas with some negotiators, they’ve stated that identifying and using fallacies in a negotiation can be confusing. This article will give you insights into how you can engage successfully with them.

Here’s the challenge with fallacy dilemmas, when negotiating such propositions can be positioned to direct your thought process towards either of the options presented. In reality, there may be a number of other possible solutions that get excluded from your thought process simply because you’re being directed to consider only the proposition offered. Thus, other possible solutions are never considered. That’s why you should be mindful of when fallacies are presented.

Nevertheless, while being mindful of fallacy dilemmas being used against you, they can be an extremely useful tool to have. If you employ this tactic/strategy at the right time, you can enhance your negotiation efforts.

How to guard against fallacy dilemmas in your negotiations. 

Most know the premise, if you’ll lie you’ll cheat, and if you’ll cheat you’ll steal! If you accept that premise as a truism, you’re susceptible to the fallacy.

While it may be true that liars who cheat may also steal, or engage in any combination of nefarious activities, it doesn’t mean that every cheater steals, etc. That’s the dilemma of the fallacy.

Therefore, to guard against fallacy dilemmas during a negotiation, don’t accept any proposition as having only two alternatives.

Note: If you’re in the thick of a negotiation and you sense you’re being forced into thinking that there’s only to options, pause. Take time to reflect. Observe what the other negotiator does. If he attempts to push you into making one of the decisions offered, consider slowing the negotiation down by being more deliberate about your options.

How to use fallacy dilemmas in your negotiations.

You know how to guard against this dilemma, flip it to employ its usage against the other negotiator. To be most effective, consider presenting it in two ways.

  1. Quantitative – Use this type of offer when you want to limit the other negotiator’s perspective to a specified range (e.g. would you rather have zero or a thousand); this offer excludes the fact that through payment terms or other arrangements, he might be able to garner more than a thousand.
  2. Qualitative – Implement this method when attempting to alter the emotional mood of the other negotiator (e.g. would you rather walk away with nothing or something).

Body Language – Add value through intonation emphasis.

With body language, in this case nonverbal communication, the words you place greater or lesser emphasis on dictates the importance that those words convey. Such dictation will also convey a sense of importance when presenting your fallacies. As such, consider ahead of time what words you’ll use to convey a sense of needed urgency when making your offers and how that will be of benefit in your fallacy presentation.

Now that you have a greater awareness of fallacy dilemmas (did you catch what I just did about your awareness (i.e. if something is true, it can’t be false)), use them in your negotiations. Know that things get out of control to the degree that you don’t control them. Thus, when presented with an offer consider all of the options associated with the possible solution of that offer … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

 To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#NegotiationDilemma #FallacyDilemma #EitherOrDilemma

#NegotiatingWithABully #Bullying #Bully #negotiations #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology

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Accounting Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Industries Investing Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

What’s Your Company’s Moral Compass?

Imagine that you’re in the running for a coveted spot in a well-regarded organization for a high-level position. It’s taken you years to get to this place and you really want this job. You wait and wait through the agonizingly long interview process and in the end, you don’t make the grade.

These are the kinds of situations that “try men’s (and women’s) souls.” How you go through the stages of making the decision to apply, to how you tolerate the waiting, to how you manage the disappointment of being overlooked are great indicators of how you handle stress (and life) in general.

This is just one example of how reaching beyond your comfort zone initiates a series of mental challenges. In his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optima; Experience, Michaly Csikszentmihalyi (Harper Collins, New York, NY, 1990)l, spent years researching the question of what makes one happy. Ultimately, according to his findings, the answer to this very illusive inquiry was: “The control of one’s consciousness determines the quality of one’s life.”

In other words, how we internalize and make peace with the myriad of disappointments and loses as well as deal with our successes and celebrations determine our level of satisfaction we experience in our lifespan.

Given that introspection and transformation are such critical factors in every person’s – and ultimately in every company’s well-being, I’m always amazed at how little attention is paid to the recognition of how important this kind of mental training is.

And I specifically use the word “training,” because the mindset needed to weather the ups and downs of life are not natural. Our brains are wired for danger and spew forth an endless sea of worst-case scenarios. These peak performance skills need to be taught We learn them, either through the school of “hard knocks” – which can take a lifetime – or through parents, teachers, coaches and mentors.

What then, is the role of the company?  Business is business, and the bottom line is the barometer of success or failure.

Yet, the world is changing. The balance of power is shifting, and employees are demanding a more human approach to their work experience – which is in greater synergy to the more spiritual yearnings of mankind. They are asking their companies to honor higher moral values, such as a sense of purpose, respect for family life, racial and gender equality, awareness of individual differences and authenticity, to name a few. In other words, they are asking their organization to be “conscious.”

To be “conscious” means to be transparent, to allow oneself to be vulnerable, to accept responsibility for one’s own behavior and to be on the path of continuous personal and transformational growth. Where is your company on this moral compass?

Here are three ways you can begin to tackle this worthy challenge:

1. Make Your Own Personal Growth a Priority

Wherever you are in the hierarchy of leadership, ask yourself, “Where am I on my own path of personal growth?” Have I invested my efforts to be the best person I can be? Do I have a trusted advisor that helps me see my own blind spots? Every highly successful person I know has someone in their corner who helps them navigate those precarious situations that keep them up at night.

2. Listen to your employees.

Goal setting is a common measure of performance in companies. But when people don’t reach their goals, do you really know why they don’t? There are ways of increasing the level of meaningful communication between managers and employees that go way beyond the traditional semi-annual or annual reviews. Beaconforce, a startup here in San Francisco is one of those innovative companies that have a great solution to this problem.

3. Train Your Employees for the Olympics

As I mentioned above, a resilient mindset is critical for sustainable growth. It may sound like Utopia, but imagine you had an entire organization of individuals who had the mental fortitude to handle the daily pressures of work and life outside of work. Did you know that $1 billion is lost in productivity in the US alone due to stress-related absences? These stress management and peak performance skills, as I said, can be learned. Be that company who understands, appreciates, and puts into action, the concept that all change in your organization and the world, begins with each and every individual having a healthy and resilient mental mindset.

If you’d like to dive deeper to learn more about your own level of Peak Performance skills, go to http://masteryunderpressure.net or join our Facebook community at Mastery Under Pressure Community.

Or contact me directly for a 30-minute complimentary consult at tina@tinagreenbaum.com

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills

What’s in Your Blind Spot?

Part of what makes my job fun is that no two clients are trying to solve the same problem. But whether it’s about leading with confidence and authority, managing conflict, or public speaking, they do all share one fundamental challenge: a perception gap, or “blind spot.”

You see when it comes to skills of persuasion and influence, the way you come across to others can make or break your chances of getting to “yes.” The problem is that most people know how they want to come across to others, and they know how they think they come across, but they are also remarkably unaware of how they actually come across. That gap in their perception is their blind spot.

The irony is that they are present in the moment when they interact with others: they hear their own speech and would generally believe they have control over their body and facial expressions, but the way the scene appears to play out in their minds is often very different from other people’s experience. At one time or another, we all suffer from this perception gap.  So why does this happen, and how can you close the gap?

Let’s look at those three components again.

First, how do you want to come across? This connotes an intentionality, and requires some forethought prior to the conversation or presentation. Part of the problem is that most people plan for and attend meetings on auto-pilot, and fail to put any planning effort into this question. If you want people to recognize your confidence, or if you want them to see you as approachable even in times of crisis, it is critical to start with that goal in mind, and consciously monitor your participation to keep your message on track.

Second, how do you think you come across? As the meeting progresses, and/or after it’s over, take stock of how you feel at the time. For example, if midway through the meeting you can feel yourself getting agitated and defensive, remind yourself not to let your emotions get the best of you. Take a deep breath, and watch your tone of voice, body language, etc. At the end, try to reflect on what you said and how you felt at the time, and acknowledge when your speech style did or did not feel like it reflected the way you wanted to appear. Make a point to note any discrepancies to work on them for next time.

Finally, how do you actually come across? Once you’ve attempted to assess your own behavior, seek objective feedback from others. Ask them for overall impressions you made, and if they felt that you did or did not demonstrate the qualities you wanted to project. Regardless of the answer, follow up with asking why. If they say you seemed calm, nervous, moody, distracted, confident or otherwise, ask them to point out any specific behaviors that led to that impression. Maybe you didn’t realize that you kept crossing and uncrossing your arms which appeared standoffish, or only seemed to speak with people at the front of the room and ignored those in the back. Or maybe you spoke with far less intonation variation than you thought, so while you wanted to sound engaged and engaging, people actually found you to be disengaged and appear a bit indifferent. Just remember to assure them that you will openly and graciously accept their feedback, no matter what they share, and that it won’t come back to haunt them if it’s not what you had hoped to hear.

Want to test yourself? Try recording yourself in a one-minute video as you imagine yourself speaking to your upcoming audience, whoever they may be. Go through these steps, planning how you want to come across, practicing mindfulness as you speak, and then watching the video to see where there is a gap between your planning and execution. Once you’ve identified your own blind spots, then you can take meaningful steps to close the perception gap and ensure that your message lands as intended, and you are able to influence the conversation as desired to get the desired outcome.

********

Are you aware of your own blind spots, but don’t know how to fix them? Or are you unsure of where they might be but recognize that you need to identify and fix them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Are We Being Negative?

Negativity. It is emotionally draining. We are bombarded with negative messages all day long. I was on LinkedIn, Instagram and Facebook over the weekend and I had to log out after only a few minutes on each platform.

There were so many quotes that start with “don’t”. So many opinions about things that quite frankly, are immaterial, or opinions about things that really did not happen.

We have become so accustomed to just putting it out there, everywhere. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves, “are we being negative?”

  • Instead of being sarcastic be kind.
  • Instead of being rude be respectful.
  • Instead of lying be honest or silent.
  • Instead of self-righteous be understanding.
  • Instead of judgmental be forgiving.
  • Instead of fearful be hopeful.

Emotions are contagious. How we think and feel affects those around us. Be positive. The power of positive thinking is amazing!

Think of best-case scenarios and work towards those goals.  Greet people with a smile and say “hello!” Let someone else have that parking spot. Take a deep breath and practice patience. Share a laugh. Say, “sorry”. Ask for help. Do your best.

Have a wonderful day!

Michelle Nasser, Executive Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

Teaching you how to make the best decisions for your organization.

Categories
Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

The 40-Day Leadership Challenge

Aren’t there times when you wish you could yell “do over!” and start with a clean slate, like you did as a kid? The good news is, even though it might not be enough to simply declare the “do over,” it is possible to start again on a clean page. How? Take my 40-Day Leadership Challenge.

For Christians, the forty days before Easter are known as Lent, reflecting the forty days that Jesus spent fasting and praying in the desert before his crucifixion and resurrection. During this time, many people make forty-day sacrifices like giving up sweets, eating in between meals, or video games; or making some extra effort like reading the Bible daily, or volunteering at a soup kitchen. The idea is that it should be a time of purification, after which you emerge as a better person and closer to God. But it strikes me that, at a deeper level, there is a universally valuable leadership challenge and lesson inherent in this kind of experience.

Everyone has some relationship, whether professional or personal, that could be improved. Maybe there’s someone who perpetually rubs you the wrong way. Or on a grander scale, maybe you need to project a more compelling leadership image you project for people to see you as a leader to admire. Fundamentally, relationships are made and broken by the communication patterns they promote, and it’s up to you to take the first step towards making these patterns healthier, more respectful and more productive, based on how you choose to communicate.

All you have to do is take that first step today, and then another one each day for the next 39 days. That’s your personal 40-Day Leadership Challenge. Pick something that is difficult enough so that you can’t do it mindlessly; it will require a conscious effort for it to be successful. The goal is that after 40 days, you will replace old, bad habits with positive new ones, which will not only make you a better person, but will improve the lives of others around you.

So where should you start? You might choose to “fast” from gossip or snarky comments, both in conversation and email. Hold your tongue instead of criticizing someone in public even when others do, or let the other person get the last word even when you want to add more.

Perhaps you have a tendency to be blunt, dramatic or insensitive in some contexts. If that’s the case, try committing to a 40-day diplomacy challenge. You could also abstain from exaggeration, swearing, or drama for 40 days, or opt to walk away from a conversation when you feel yourself starting to get heated – then be sure to follow up later when you feel more focused and composed.

On the flip side, maybe you try to avoid conflict at all costs. For you, the challenge could be committing to address problems rather than letting them fester and hoping they go away on their own.

If nothing else, try this: Simply make an effort to explicitly thank people for their efforts, big or small. You’ll be amazed at what a big impression such a small gesture can make. I promise you it won’t go unnoticed.

Remember: it doesn’t have to be 40 days of consecutive perfection; it’s about 40 days of conscious effort to be a better person, and a better leader. Even if you fall off the proverbial bandwagon occasionally, it’s okay! Try putting a dollar in a jar every time you realize you’ve broken your commitment, and after your 40 days, donate the money in the jar to charity. No matter how often you put money in the “oops” jar, you still get to call a “do over” the next day!

And the best part? It doesn’t matter which 40 days you choose, whether at the start of the new year, during your summer vacation or any other time. By the end of your 40 Day Leadership Challenge, others will feel the difference through smoother and more collaborative exchanges, and your new patterns should start to feel natural and replace the old ones. That’s the best way to build the foundation of a new kind of leadership that makes others want to follow suit.

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Want to discuss your potential 40-Day Leadership Challenge? Email me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click to set up a 20-minute focus call with me personally.

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Tips for Performing Under Pressure: The Resilient Mind

Over the past 35 years, I have worked with many high-achieving professionals – athletes, actors, dancers, speakers, and business leaders in a variety of fields. One of the common denominators that is true across the board, is as soon as we raise the stakes of the game and more is demanded of us, new skills and new perspectives are required.

It’s interesting to note that emotions are processed in the brain as predictions based on our past history. In other words, if we had a bad experience at an earlier time in our lives, our brain remembers that experience and expects the same result in the future. This is why telling ourselves to “just get over it,” doesn’t always work.

At the time of this writing, the Winter Olympics are just ending. What can we learn from these athletes about performing under pressure? A number of them have come back from heartbreaking defeats and devastating injuries. How do they work with their minds to overrule the brain’s natural tendency to avoid pain and danger?

There are many factors that go into that answer, but again, to play at a very high level, new skills and perspectives are required. We can summarize the needed qualities in one word: “Resiliency.” Some people are more naturally resilient than others. But resiliency can be learned and nurtured from a very early age.

Let’s look at three essential qualities of a resilient mind:

1. Attitude – Resilient people look back at difficult experiences as challenges to invent a new future. They see solutions, strength and inspiration. So, one’s attitude can mitigate the brain’s natural tendency to see the world as an unfriendly place. By changing your attitude, you are actually building new neural pathways, which now means you are writing a new story.

2. Positive Self-Image – Resilient people are constantly evaluating themselves from a NON-JUDGMENTAL perspective. What worked, what didn’t work? They are willing to make course corrections based on their objective analysis.

3. Sense of Purpose – in order to subject ourselves to the high demands and challenges that “going for it” requires, we need to have a powerful reason. Simon Sinek, in his Ted talk, called it “Your Why.”

When your attitude, your self-image and your purpose are in alignment, you have the magic ingredients to forge a new future. Even though your mind “remembers” past negative experiences, you are not destined to repeat them.

If you find that you “know” this information, but are still not able to let go of situations you feel are still holding you back, I invite you to take the Mastery Under Pressure quiz on your level of peak performance skills at www.masteryunderpressure.net.

And join our Facebook Community at Mastery Under Pressure Community, where you’ll learn more about strengthening those building blocks to greater resiliency and
peak performance.