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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

The 4 Word Secret to Confident Public Speaking

Today I had a first session with a new client whose primary focus is public speaking. Her story is common: While she’s confident in front of her team, when addressing larger groups, high-stakes audiences or people she doesn’t know as well, her heart starts to race, her face gets flushed, palms sweat, and a whole litany of self-defeating “what if” scenarios race through her mind.

What if I forget what I want to say?

What if I make a mistake?

What if they’re not interested in my topic?

What if I don’t seem expert enough?

What if I can’t answer a question?

 This kind of self-destructive talk is what is referred to as “head trash.” It piles up, festers, and can become overwhelming if you don’t get rid of it.

So I said to her: “I’m going to tell you the secret to changing everything and speaking with confidence. It’s four little words, and I want you to write them down in big letters and tape it to your bathroom mirror, computer, refrigerator or anywhere you’ll see it regularly, got it?”

“Got it,” she said, and grabbed her pen.

Then I told her the secret: “IT’S…NOT… ABOUT… YOU.”

She finished writing it down, then stared at the paper, processing its meaning.

“Here’s the thing,” I explained. As a presenter, you’re now in customer service. Your job is to make sure that the audience has the best experience possible. Do you love your topic or at least think it’s really important? Share that passion with them, and help them understand it.

“Don’t worry about being self-conscious when making eye contact with people. Each person there wants to feel like you’re talking to them personally. Look at each person so they know that they matter to you, that they feel like they’re part of the event.

“When you go to hear a speaker, or when someone is talking to your team, are you sitting there silently evaluating them the whole time, waiting to catch them in a mistake, or are you just hoping that they’ll be interesting and give you some important information? Of course it’s the latter. You don’t want a speaker to fall flat; that makes everyone uncomfortable. You are subconsciously rooting for their success, because if they have a good speaking experience, you’ll have a good listening experience, and that’s your main interest. That’s exactly what your audience is hoping for too.

“How do you feel about that?”

“Truthfully?” she began, “As soon as you said that, I felt instant relief. If I just focus on taking care of the audience, then I’m not worrying about my own perfection, whatever that means. It suddenly feels like a very realistic, attainable goal. I can do this.”

With that, I encourage you to take out your “head trash,” and turn your attention to serving your audience. A good place to start is with the goal of being the speaker you’d want to listen to if you were in audience. Put them first, and you’re guaranteed to come out on top.

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

 

 

 

 

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Truth Versus Lie

“Truth Versus Lie”

Have you ever been deceived, or lied to? The answer more than likely is, yes. When that occurred, how did you feel? Were you happy, elated, or overjoyed with a sense of exhilaration? Again, probably not.

Here’s the point, when we label an occurrence as a lie, it takes on a different meaning per the way we act, versus thinking of it as the truth. Nevertheless, in some situations, because someone has lied to us, we move towards a more positive outlook in our life but we don’t realize it at the time. Even though we may not know it at the time, that person has done us a favor. Now, I’m not suggesting that you seek to associate with those that lie to you to have them extend a favor. Instead, be mindful of the benefits derived from not being told the absolute truth about something, per the benefits it may hold for you. That may sound strange, but in life we get what we expect, so expect something good out of the situation.

The next time you catch someone in a lie, appreciate the fact that you’re seeing the person in a different light and be glad of that additional insight. You can use it to improve yourself, which might mean getting away from that person. If that turns out to be the case, you’ll be moving your life upon a path of future discovery and  be away from the environment that’s not serving as well otherwise … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

In a negotiation, deceit can reign supreme, as negotiators go about playing jet-eye mind tricks to position the other negotiator. It’s expected that neither will be so transparent as to disclose their full negotiation position. So, if it’s expected in a negotiation, and you’re always negotiating, why do you allow it to be permissible during a negotiation and not in other aspects of your life? The answer lies in the fact that you more than likely see one aspect, negotiations, as being something more formal than other aspects of your life. In essence, it’s the mindset you possess in one situation versus another. If that’s the case, and you’re the person controlling your mind, you can give the meaning of a lie a meaning that’s beneficial to you. That doesn’t mean you have to drop your guard, it means, be mindful and understanding of what you’re guarding. Do so … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

David, Goliath, and the Investor Pitch

I had the distinct honor and pleasure of coaching five Hero Club entrepreneurs in preparation for their pitch at the C-Suite Network Investors Summit in San Jose on September 11-12th. It was an exciting event and helping people with great ideas, products, and services tell their stories in a compelling way is one of my favorite parts of the job.

All five CEOs were terrific, poised and articulate with a solid pitch and great visuals, and they all reported being approached afterward by interested parties; what more could we ask for? But in retrospect, one pitch stood out uniquely, and offers a lesson about overcoming the odds and expectations, and why you should never underestimate anyone – including yourself.

David Williams is the CEO and superintendent of Village Tech Charter Schools in Cedar Hill, Texas, just outside of Dallas. Various people I spoke to after the fact confirmed that, before his presentation, there had been a general wondering about why a non-profit, specifically a Pre-K – 12 school, was pitching in Silicon Valley. At best, most admitted preliminary assumptions of it being something of a charity case, like when the older kids let the little one play with them, even though they know he’s not in the same league. There seemed to have been minimal expectations for his performance. Perhaps not so surprising was the fact that David himself later confessed to having similar concerns leading up to the event.

David may not be alone. How many times have you anticipated an event or opportunity with trepidation, based on feelings or concerns of inadequacy, of not belonging? Sometimes there’s a bit of the “Imposter Syndrome” that creeps in when surrounded by other highly expert, highly experienced, and/or highly reputed people. It might also occur if you’re just generally not comfortable presenting to large groups, if the event is particularly high-stakes, or if it’s your first time in the spotlight in a new context such as a conference presentation, in the media, or in this case, an investor pitch. The enormity of the pressure to perform and succeed in the public eye is enough to make most people’s hands shake – even if only a little.

But to David’s credit, he rose to the occasion and proved that he was not going to let this Goliath of an event get the best of him. He knew what was at stake, and he knew how much he wanted it for his company, his school, his teachers and his students, and that was the motivation he used to prepare for it.

The biggest challenge was the need to shift from “teacher” mode to “business executive” mode. Knowing your audience and figuring out how to angle your point so that it speaks to their unique perspectives and interests is a critical factor in the art of persuasion, and one of the most common areas where people fall short.

When speaking to an audience of teachers and school district members – his comfort zone – stories of children’s experiences and anecdotes of their funny and heartwarming comments will successfully convey all sorts of implicit information about the success of a program. But to a room of business executives and investors, those stories are just the sprinkles on the sundae: added for a little color and sweetness, but of minimal substance. We had to shift the focus to problems and solutions, to data and dollars – a philosophical shift that makes most teachers’ stomachs churn with disdain. And the whole thing had to be done in eight minutes.

To me, the key to his success was the fact that he was able to adapt his content to meet the needs and expectations of his audience, while still remaining completely authentic, and true to himself, both in preparation and on stage. This is often one of the greatest challenges we face when we find ourselves in new contexts with unfamiliar audiences.

I know inside he didn’t like having to cut out some of his favorite stories, but we found a way to use a couple of them in ways that made statistics personal, and humanized the call to action. And David was already a confident and competent public speaker, so it was really a matter of applying those skills with a different focus, and convincing himself and others that he was a much of a leader in the business world as in the academic sphere.

Sure, there were investors there who weren’t interested in adding a brick-and-mortar enterprise to their portfolios. But it was clear by the end that he was the crowd favorite and had earned the personal and professional respect of everyone there. The little non-profit venture had set the bar for what everyone else believed an investor pitch should look and sound like. As I heard several people say with genuine admiration that day: “He killed it.”

The moral of the story is that even when you feel like you’re out of your element – or even out of your league – do not let yourself be intimidated by the Goliath. Seek whatever guidance you need to put the pieces together, and play to win.

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Are you preparing a pitch, or do you have questions about another critical presentation? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

Categories
Best Practices Growth Management Personal Development Technology

Security is Not Insurance – Debunking the Myth

Since 2005 I have been in the Information Security consultant and today I consult and coach security executives on strategy, compliance, messaging, and teams, so today I am going to talk about something that is critical to any organizational leader: information security. More specifically, the myth that security equates to insurance.

Many people in the security industry have used the security analogy for a very long time to explain the importance of security to an executive or client who has said,  “Why do I need security? It’s expensive and nothing has happened to my network; my company’s data is fine.”

The response often provided has been “for the same reason you need car insurance or medical insurance, you never know when there will be a problem.” Using a real-world situation to help explain something that is not always clear makes sense, but this analogy is not correct.

The reason it’s not a good analogy is because security is not insurance. Insurance attempts to make you whole again. It is there to replace your car, rebuild your house, allow you to replace lost or stolen items, or help you regain your health. Security on the other hand does not make you whole; once your data is stolen, your network breached, or your systems locked up with Ransomware it is not security that will make you whole again. There is insurance you can purchase to use when the hacker on the other end of the phone says we want 20 Million Dollars to unlock your systems, but that really is insurance.

If we are going to use analogies, then security is your force protection, it is proactive. You know the guys (or gals) at the perimeter with the big guns that are going to keep the bad guys (or gals) out in the first place. When I used to work at the Pentagon, there were armed guards with very big guns making sure only the people with the proper access could enter the building. Then there were locked doors within the building that could only be accessed by another select group of people. That is security! We don’t call them insurance guards we call them security guards (or in this case military police).

The same is true for access to your computer systems, network, and data. Your Information Security or Cyber Security (if you are using that term) team is the armed guards; it is their responsibility to keep the bad people out, to monitor for intrusions, and to react if or when a breach is observed. If you are treating this group as insurance you are not giving them the level of importance they deserve, the funding they need, or the authority they require.

For small organizations, you might think, “Who wants my data? I’m good till we get bigger; the hackers are out there looking for the big guys to steal from.” But that is not true at all. It’s like the burglar who will just move on to the next house when they see the ADT sign in your neighbors yard. If your neighbors are the bigger companies with the fancy security and armed guards it is your network the hackers are after because they know it will be easier.

But you want to say “I don’t have anything worth taking” and that might be true at the data level, but you do have something worth taking. It is your resources, your connection to other networks, and it is the fertile playground you are giving them to practice their craft. By allowing your network to go unprotected, you are allowing hackers to practice, to find vulnerabilities they can use against other networks, and to potentially use your network to launch an attack on another organization.

I am writing this so that we can stop equating security with insurance. Stop looking at this as a cost and start looking at is as a responsibility. You are not only protecting your data, your employees, and your customers; you are also protecting other organizations by putting the guards up around yours.

If you do not have a security team or strategy, don’t worry. It’s not too late and it does not have to be scary. There are lots of great consultants out there who can help. As a 12-year veteran of the information security and compliance space,  I invite you to send me an email at sharon@c-suiteresults.com or reach out via LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/smithsharonj/ to ask any questions you might have on this topic.

 

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Best Practices Growth Leadership Personal Development

5 Easy Steps to Writing Your First Book

“Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases, that’s where it should stay.” – Christopher Hitchens (maybe)

There are several variations of that quote and some dispute as to who first came up with the snarky witticism. But one thing’s for certain: It wasn’t Keith Leon. The co-founder of Leon Smith Publishing has been helping would-be authors become published authors for nearly 15 years.

As the author of three books on extreme leadership, I’ve long been a student of good writing and of writing processes. So I was curious about the advice Leon offers when he speaks to groups, teaches writing classes, or mentors individuals who want to turn their message into a book. Here are five tips he shared with me during a recent conversation:

  1. CREATE A ROADMAP

Most folks give up on their idea because they start without knowing where the book will begin or where it will end. A roadmap provides the path.

Once you decide the type of book you want to write – a memoir on launching your business, for example – start by writing down a series of one-line answers to a simple question: “If I were to write this book, what would I want to share?”

Don’t worry about the order. Just brainstorm things like key stories and processes. Keep writing them until you look at the list and say, “That’s it. That’s what I want to say in my book.”

Then make a second list using the first. This time, ask, “Who wants to go first?” Inevitably, one will jump up and say, “Me! Me! Me!” If not, ask, “Which one feels easiest?” Then ask who wants to go next and keep going until you have your roadmap complete.

  1. START WITH WHAT FEELS RIGHT

The roadmap provides the path the book will follow, but not necessarily the path you’ll take to write it. Begin by writing the chapter that feels “juiciest” or “easiest,” Leon says. Then do the next one that gets you most excited. And so on.

“You build momentum, and it doesn’t feel like a chore,” he says, “so you keep coming back.”

  1. FINISH WHAT YOU START

One of Leon’s rules is to complete the chapter you start before moving on to another chapter.

I didn’t quit my day job when I wrote my leadership books, so I know this challenge well. When you step away from your writing project for a few days, sometimes you return to find the chapter you were working on no longer is the “easiest” or the “juiciest.” If that happens, Leon says, re-read the last few pages of what you’ve written in the chapter. That’s usually enough to get you back into it and rolling again. But don’t leave it unfinished, because that’s just asking for trouble.

“If you have a chapter that’s undone, your subconscious knows it and it’s hard to complete the next one,” Leon says. “Then you get writer’s block, which is really just a pissed off inner child, right?”

  1. HONOR YOUR INNER CHILD

Leon tells his students to set an alarm and write in 50-minute blocks. When the alarm goes off, get up and do something else – stretch, go outside, put on some music. Do something for your inner child for 10 minutes. Then have a conversation with your inner child – out loud – before you return to your writing.

“OK, it’s my time to play,” you say. “But don’t worry. I’ll be back in another 50 minutes.”

Many of Leon’s students resist this idea, he says, but they inevitably find it “profound” after they give it a try.

  1. WORRY ABOUT THE ROCK, NOT THE DIAMOND

We’re conditioned to think that what we read is exactly what an author wrote. New authors can tend to expect perfection in the first draft, and that seldom happens. Writing is an artistic process that’s sometimes sloppy. Books go through revisions and an editing process. And editors, as Leon points out, take your rock and polish it into a diamond.

The freedom in knowing someone has your back allows you to focus on writing without judging what you’re writing.

“I encourage people to free-form write,” he said. “Then read it one time from beginning to end. If something makes you want to hurl, change it. If not, keep it.”

Then let the editors take over.

Leon’s advice here applies primarily to non-fiction books. Some authors also use it with novels, while some stick more to a storyboard. But if you’re convinced you have a story to tell or a message to share – fiction or non-fiction – and you aren’t sure how to get it from your head and heart to a finished document, Leon’s roadmap will show you a way.

 

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Personal Development Women In Business

Accountability: 3 Steps to Holding Yourself Accountable to Grow Your Influence

Click here to watch Accountability: 3 Steps to Holding Yourself Accountable to Grow Your Influence 

It’s not the skills and techniques you and your team learn that make you more influential.  It’s what you do with what you learn.

Accountability is the most difficult aspect of having influence Monday to Monday®.

This video will share with you three steps you can take today to avoid slipping into your old habits.  These three steps will keep you focused and disciplined to do the work of communicating with influence Monday to Monday® until it becomes ingrained in you. 

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

The Hidden Value of Trust in Negotiations

“The Hidden Value of Trust In A Negotiation (DACA)”

When someone trusts you in a negotiation (you’re always negotiating), they’re more likely to believe what you tell them. Thus, there’s hidden value in trust when negotiating from a long-term perspective. Once trust is broken it’s difficult to regain it. Therefore, broken trust sets off negative ripples that can have unintended and unexpected consequences in the future.

Let’s look at the trust factor with DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) as an example. The kids in the DACA program were brought to the US by their parents. In most cases, they had no input as to whether they would stay where they were, or travel to the US. They instinctively trusted their parents with that decision. Then, there’s the US government.

The US government basically said, if you register for the DACA program and abide by our requirements (i.e. check in every 2 years and make payment to stay in the program, go to college, serve in the military, stay employed, pay taxes), you’ll be OK in the US.

Some registered and some didn’t. Those in the DACA program trusted the government and abided by their mandate. Then, trust was thrust out the window. Those in the DACA program cried, ‘We did what you asked of us! Why are you going back on your word? We trusted you!’ Those that did not register for the program, if not stated out loud silently thought, ‘see, I told you so; you should not have trusted them. The government can’t be trusted. Now, the information you gave them will be used against you.’ The ripple that such a message sent to non-DACA members was, stay in the shadows and let the darkness protect you.

In the eyes of those in the program, the US government went back on its word and broke the trust it had conveyed. Suffice it to say, the ripples set forth from this situation will cause the government not to be trusted in future matters by different entities. They’ll mentally relate their situation to the resemblance of the DACA plight. That means those submitting information requested by the government will be skeptical at best and cynical at worse when contemplating a course of action that they should adopt. In essence, through the loss of trust, the government has made it more difficult for others to trust it.

If I tell you the truth, will you believe what I say and trust me? If my perception of the truth is altered in the future, will I be declared a liar? If so, what will become of our future negotiation efforts? Those are questions every negotiator needs to consider before and during a negotiation. That’s the hidden force that trust has on a negotiation.

When trust is the foundation upon which a negotiation is built, the truth becomes a happier companion in the negotiation. Therefore, when the truth as one knows it shifts, the shifting of the truth can still have believability.

Change allows you to embrace new experiences, and everything changes. Thus, what’s true today may be proven not to be valid tomorrow. Nevertheless, once trust has been established and nurtured by consistency, over a period of time change can withstand the onslaught of doubt and suspension. In so doing, even when your negotiations become difficult, you’ll have less of a challenge finding a path to success, simply because you had trust adding hidden value to your negotiation … and everything will be right with the world.

What are your takeaways? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

 “Without trust, failure awaits you.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator and Body Language Expert

Categories
Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

The Value of Vulnerability

The Value of Vulnerability

So often when the topic is leadership, qualities like gravitas, confidence and strength are extolled as desirable and even essential. But just as important are some qualities at the other end of the spectrum. Today I’m specifically referring to vulnerability.

We’re all aware of the importance – and sometimes difficulty – of being vulnerable in our personal relationships. Without it, love and intimacy are impossible. But a certain degree of vulnerability is equally as important for development of our professional relationships as well.

I worked with a client who was told by her supervisor that she needed to let people get to know her better; that as head of the department (for quite a while already), it would help overall team chemistry and trust. For someone who was working to overcome perfectionism and fear of making any sort of public mistake, this was daunting.

“How can I open up to them? I don’t know if I can trust them to see that side of me,” she said.

I replied, “My guess is that they probably feel the same about you. But here’s the thing: When you have two people who need to feel like they receive trust (or respect) before they’re willing to give it, there’s a stalemate. Eventually, someone has to ‘blink’ first, take the chance and give the other person the opportunity to demonstrate that they are trustworthy. That starts the cycle.”

But one way or another, the beauty is that you don’t have to trust them with your deepest darkest secrets or the key to the vault. Sometimes it’s just being able to laugh at yourself, or letting them know that you’re under the weather and could use their help that day.

Last week I got a frantic email from a client asking to have a strategy call the next morning before a high-stakes meeting that had just been organized. Understanding her situation and wanting to accommodate, I told her the truth: “Tomorrow morning the only slot that’s open is 9am, but in full transparency, I’m going to be in ‘mommy mode’ at that time, since I have to take my son” (who is 1 year old) “for a checkup at 10, so the nanny won’t arrive until 11. I can’t guarantee what mood he’ll be in or how long we can speak without interruption, but if you want to give it a try, I’m game.”

“I’ll take it,” she said.

So at 9am the call comes in – we coach via FaceTime, video included – and I answer, in a t-shirt with my hair pulled back, hoping she wouldn’t be daunted by my less-than-executive appearance. “I think we’re safe – he’s in his highchair and I’m feeding him breakfast, so he’s busy and happy for a while,” I told her.

My trust in letting my client see me this way was immediately rewarded.

“Oh, is he there? Can you turn the camera? I’d love to see him.”

I turned the camera so my client was face-to-face with the big blue eyes of my son, who stared back at her, mesmerized by the face on the screen. And then this high-powered CFO of a multi-billion-dollar company did the best thing possible: she launched straight into full-scale “peek-a-boo” mode.

My son burst into giggles immediately, and after a moment or two I turned the phone back to me. She had a huge smile on her face, and said, “That was the perfect antidote to the morning I’ve already had, thank you!”

From there we shifted gears and got down to business. We had each let down our guard with and I am confident that we both feel that the mutually shared vulnerability only served to strengthen our bond, both personally and professionally.

So once in a while, take a little chance: (metaphorically) play a bit of “peek-a-boo,” and let them see you.

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Do you have other questions or feedback about vulnerability and leadership? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Growth Management Skills

Sunday Negotiation Insight – Always Check Your Emotions

www.TheMasterNegotiator.com

“Emotions determine who you are, what you’ll engage in, and how you’ll act in such engagements. Control your emotions and you’ll control the emotions that could cause you to lose control.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“Always Check Your Emotions”

What motivates you? Really, what causes you to do the things you do that lead to the different moods you find yourself in? The better you are at being aware of where an emotion leads you, the better you can be at controlling it.

It’s important to understand the source of your emotions and where such can lead because you can place yourself into different emotional states, once you become mindful of the different states of emotions that you experience. As an example, pause from reading this article. Look around you once in about 20 seconds. Do so 360 degrees and note what you see. Attempt to see something that you’ve not paid that close attention to if you’re in an environment that you’re familiar with.

What did you observe that you did not notice before? How did it make you feel? If you said you had no feelings, dig deeper. You thought and felt something. If your emotional state was so slight that it didn’t register on your emotional Richter scale, you need to become more aware of your emotions. Some have gone through this exercise several times a day. In so doing they became more aware of their emotional state and the stimuli that motivated them to adopt certain actions. A higher sense of awareness per what stimulates your emotional states in doing this exercise should be your goal.

It may not be possible to be aware of your emotional state 24 hours a day, but the better you are at sensing your mood swings or other states of emotion, the more aware you’ll become of how to shape any environment you’re in; the goal is to be able to maximize your actions in that environment.

You can only control something once you become aware of its existence. Thus, to the degree you can control your emotions, you’ll be able to control more aspects of your life … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

In a negotiation, you can experience and cause the opposing negotiator to have certain experiences based on the emotional state you’re in. If you control the emotional state, you can control the negotiation.

As you know, emotions change in the give and take that occurs in a negotiation. So, before entering into a negotiation, assess the emotions you might experience and what might motivate you to display them. Be on guard for those that might make you appear out of control. During the negotiation, be even more mindful of the emotions that can pull you off track and don’t let them do so. You’re in control of yourself and thus your emotions; control them!

 

 

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Know When to STOP Talking

Know When to STOP Talking

Usually I work with people to find the best way for them to talk to their audience and get to “Yes.” Today I want to focus on the exact opposite skill set: knowing when and how to stop talking.

If you’re like me, at some point or other you’ve had the “out-of-body experience” where you catch yourself rambling on, and your brain starts screaming, “for heaven’s sake, just stop talking already!” But you’re on a roll and can’t seem to stop the momentum.

Part of the reason this happens is because Americans are notoriously uncomfortable with silence, which quickly slides becomes “awkward silence,” is something to be avoided. That’s why there’s often a compulsion to fill silence at all costs.

In most of these occurrences, self-doubt is a major factor. Even if you were confident up to that point, something triggers a sudden insecurity, which you telegraph through your rambling.

With that in mind, let’s look at three contexts in which this situation is likely to emerge, why, and how to get yourself back under control.

Waiting for a response

The most common scenario is when you’ve asked a question or made a comment, and the other person doesn’t respond right away. You subconsciously fear that they didn’t understand what you’ve said, or didn’t like it and don’t want to answer it. So you rephrase, or qualify, or suggest possible answers to your own question, until someone finally jumps in.

In reality, sometimes people just need a moment to digest what you’ve said, especially if it is technical or an important decision. Be generous in allowing them time to think, uninterrupted, before they respond.

Over-explaining

The second context is when you think you need to keep explaining something. Maybe your topic is complicated and you are speaking to non-experts or you might be speaking to people who are experts, which can be intimidating, so you feel compelled to share more to demonstrate your expertise. Or you might interpret their silence as disapproval, at which point you keep talking in attempt to qualify or justify your argument and persuade them to agree with you.

Ironically, however, in these situations, the more you ramble, the more it will likely dissuade your audience because you sound nervous rather than confident. In these cases, make your point, then just hold your ground – and your tongue. This indicates that you’re okay with waiting for them to break the silence. If necessary, you can always ask them if they are confused by something, or would like clarification. Knowing when to stop demonstrates confidence.

Scrambling for answers

Finally, rambling often occurs when you need to answer a question or offer a response, and don’t feel like you have time to think it through before you are expected to speak. The pressure is on, and the silence seems interminable as all eyes are on you. But rather than thinking aloud you as you try to figure out what you really want to say, try starting with something like, “That’s a great question; let me think about the best way to answer it concisely.” Who would deny that request, especially if the alternative is a rambling mess?

Here’s a final tip: Write a note to remind yourself to avoid these pitfalls, and look at it before you go into the next high stakes meeting. If you wait until you catch yourself rambling, it’s too late. Priming yourself with these reminders before you start is one of the best ways to project persuasive confidence and leadership.

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!