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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

The Value of Vulnerability

The Value of Vulnerability

So often when the topic is leadership, qualities like gravitas, confidence and strength are extolled as desirable and even essential. But just as important are some qualities at the other end of the spectrum. Today I’m specifically referring to vulnerability.

We’re all aware of the importance – and sometimes difficulty – of being vulnerable in our personal relationships. Without it, love and intimacy are impossible. But a certain degree of vulnerability is equally as important for development of our professional relationships as well.

I worked with a client who was told by her supervisor that she needed to let people get to know her better; that as head of the department (for quite a while already), it would help overall team chemistry and trust. For someone who was working to overcome perfectionism and fear of making any sort of public mistake, this was daunting.

“How can I open up to them? I don’t know if I can trust them to see that side of me,” she said.

I replied, “My guess is that they probably feel the same about you. But here’s the thing: When you have two people who need to feel like they receive trust (or respect) before they’re willing to give it, there’s a stalemate. Eventually, someone has to ‘blink’ first, take the chance and give the other person the opportunity to demonstrate that they are trustworthy. That starts the cycle.”

But one way or another, the beauty is that you don’t have to trust them with your deepest darkest secrets or the key to the vault. Sometimes it’s just being able to laugh at yourself, or letting them know that you’re under the weather and could use their help that day.

Last week I got a frantic email from a client asking to have a strategy call the next morning before a high-stakes meeting that had just been organized. Understanding her situation and wanting to accommodate, I told her the truth: “Tomorrow morning the only slot that’s open is 9am, but in full transparency, I’m going to be in ‘mommy mode’ at that time, since I have to take my son” (who is 1 year old) “for a checkup at 10, so the nanny won’t arrive until 11. I can’t guarantee what mood he’ll be in or how long we can speak without interruption, but if you want to give it a try, I’m game.”

“I’ll take it,” she said.

So at 9am the call comes in – we coach via FaceTime, video included – and I answer, in a t-shirt with my hair pulled back, hoping she wouldn’t be daunted by my less-than-executive appearance. “I think we’re safe – he’s in his highchair and I’m feeding him breakfast, so he’s busy and happy for a while,” I told her.

My trust in letting my client see me this way was immediately rewarded.

“Oh, is he there? Can you turn the camera? I’d love to see him.”

I turned the camera so my client was face-to-face with the big blue eyes of my son, who stared back at her, mesmerized by the face on the screen. And then this high-powered CFO of a multi-billion-dollar company did the best thing possible: she launched straight into full-scale “peek-a-boo” mode.

My son burst into giggles immediately, and after a moment or two I turned the phone back to me. She had a huge smile on her face, and said, “That was the perfect antidote to the morning I’ve already had, thank you!”

From there we shifted gears and got down to business. We had each let down our guard with and I am confident that we both feel that the mutually shared vulnerability only served to strengthen our bond, both personally and professionally.

So once in a while, take a little chance: (metaphorically) play a bit of “peek-a-boo,” and let them see you.

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Do you have other questions or feedback about vulnerability and leadership? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Growth Management Skills

Sunday Negotiation Insight – Always Check Your Emotions

www.TheMasterNegotiator.com

“Emotions determine who you are, what you’ll engage in, and how you’ll act in such engagements. Control your emotions and you’ll control the emotions that could cause you to lose control.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

“Always Check Your Emotions”

What motivates you? Really, what causes you to do the things you do that lead to the different moods you find yourself in? The better you are at being aware of where an emotion leads you, the better you can be at controlling it.

It’s important to understand the source of your emotions and where such can lead because you can place yourself into different emotional states, once you become mindful of the different states of emotions that you experience. As an example, pause from reading this article. Look around you once in about 20 seconds. Do so 360 degrees and note what you see. Attempt to see something that you’ve not paid that close attention to if you’re in an environment that you’re familiar with.

What did you observe that you did not notice before? How did it make you feel? If you said you had no feelings, dig deeper. You thought and felt something. If your emotional state was so slight that it didn’t register on your emotional Richter scale, you need to become more aware of your emotions. Some have gone through this exercise several times a day. In so doing they became more aware of their emotional state and the stimuli that motivated them to adopt certain actions. A higher sense of awareness per what stimulates your emotional states in doing this exercise should be your goal.

It may not be possible to be aware of your emotional state 24 hours a day, but the better you are at sensing your mood swings or other states of emotion, the more aware you’ll become of how to shape any environment you’re in; the goal is to be able to maximize your actions in that environment.

You can only control something once you become aware of its existence. Thus, to the degree you can control your emotions, you’ll be able to control more aspects of your life … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

In a negotiation, you can experience and cause the opposing negotiator to have certain experiences based on the emotional state you’re in. If you control the emotional state, you can control the negotiation.

As you know, emotions change in the give and take that occurs in a negotiation. So, before entering into a negotiation, assess the emotions you might experience and what might motivate you to display them. Be on guard for those that might make you appear out of control. During the negotiation, be even more mindful of the emotions that can pull you off track and don’t let them do so. You’re in control of yourself and thus your emotions; control them!

 

 

 

 

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Know When to STOP Talking

Know When to STOP Talking

Usually I work with people to find the best way for them to talk to their audience and get to “Yes.” Today I want to focus on the exact opposite skill set: knowing when and how to stop talking.

If you’re like me, at some point or other you’ve had the “out-of-body experience” where you catch yourself rambling on, and your brain starts screaming, “for heaven’s sake, just stop talking already!” But you’re on a roll and can’t seem to stop the momentum.

Part of the reason this happens is because Americans are notoriously uncomfortable with silence, which quickly slides becomes “awkward silence,” is something to be avoided. That’s why there’s often a compulsion to fill silence at all costs.

In most of these occurrences, self-doubt is a major factor. Even if you were confident up to that point, something triggers a sudden insecurity, which you telegraph through your rambling.

With that in mind, let’s look at three contexts in which this situation is likely to emerge, why, and how to get yourself back under control.

Waiting for a response

The most common scenario is when you’ve asked a question or made a comment, and the other person doesn’t respond right away. You subconsciously fear that they didn’t understand what you’ve said, or didn’t like it and don’t want to answer it. So you rephrase, or qualify, or suggest possible answers to your own question, until someone finally jumps in.

In reality, sometimes people just need a moment to digest what you’ve said, especially if it is technical or an important decision. Be generous in allowing them time to think, uninterrupted, before they respond.

Over-explaining

The second context is when you think you need to keep explaining something. Maybe your topic is complicated and you are speaking to non-experts or you might be speaking to people who are experts, which can be intimidating, so you feel compelled to share more to demonstrate your expertise. Or you might interpret their silence as disapproval, at which point you keep talking in attempt to qualify or justify your argument and persuade them to agree with you.

Ironically, however, in these situations, the more you ramble, the more it will likely dissuade your audience because you sound nervous rather than confident. In these cases, make your point, then just hold your ground – and your tongue. This indicates that you’re okay with waiting for them to break the silence. If necessary, you can always ask them if they are confused by something, or would like clarification. Knowing when to stop demonstrates confidence.

Scrambling for answers

Finally, rambling often occurs when you need to answer a question or offer a response, and don’t feel like you have time to think it through before you are expected to speak. The pressure is on, and the silence seems interminable as all eyes are on you. But rather than thinking aloud you as you try to figure out what you really want to say, try starting with something like, “That’s a great question; let me think about the best way to answer it concisely.” Who would deny that request, especially if the alternative is a rambling mess?

Here’s a final tip: Write a note to remind yourself to avoid these pitfalls, and look at it before you go into the next high stakes meeting. If you wait until you catch yourself rambling, it’s too late. Priming yourself with these reminders before you start is one of the best ways to project persuasive confidence and leadership.

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

 

 

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Personal Development Women In Business

Do You Hold Yourself Back From Success?

Do you hold yourself back from success?

“Whenever I’m in a meeting and I think of a question or comment, I end up debating with myself about whether or not to say it… then a few minutes later someone else says what I’m thinking, and it leads to a great discussion. I could kick myself when that happens!”

This is a challenge described by many of my clients, both men and women alike, and it stems from a lack of confidence on a variety of levels. But regardless of the origin, the outcome is the same: you hold yourself back from being recognized for your insights, expertise and overall value to the team.

So what causes this behavior, and what can you do about it?

The late, great sales guru, Zig Ziglar, had a powerful expression that has stuck with me from the first time I heard it many years ago. He said that you have to ask yourself, “Is your fear of failure greater than your desire to succeed?”

The short answer is that, for people who typically hold back as described above, their default answer, often subconsciously, is a resounding “YES.” That’s why they hold back.

What is most powerful to me is the thought process you inevitably go through if you actually ask yourself that question when you find yourself holding back That’s because it actually leads to three deeper and more concrete questions that will help you regain confidence and hopefully compel you to take action:

The first is, how would you define “failure” in that situation, and what’s the worst thing that could happen if you did “fail”? Maybe it means you could make a mistake, share wrong information or demonstrate ignorance. And what would be the repercussions of one of those situations? I highly doubt that you could lose your job, take a major hit to your reputation, or die of embarrassment. The worst that would happen is that you might get corrected in public. You’ve heard others make contributions that were not received with open arms; what happened to them? Most likely, nothing

The second key question is, how would you define “success” in that context? Success could be simply a matter of knowing you made a valuable contribution to the discussion. Maybe your idea provides a critical piece that will help the group to problem-solve more efficiently. One way or another, you will show yourself to be a valuable, proactive member of a team, and it might put you on someone’s radar, for all the right reasons.

A third question that gets overlooked is, “What is the effect of silence on my part?” Remember, holding back judiciously from time to time is probably appreciated by most people. But when your reputation in those meetings becomes one of someone who is non-participatory, playing it “safe” and hiding in self-defense mode unless forced to speak, does that really project leadership?

And just in case you were thinking about playing the “introvert” card, stop right there. That excuse won’t work. Introversion is not about fear of public speaking, confidence or general shyness. It’s about how you get energized, and what takes energy from you. Don’t mistake being an introvert with being hesitant to ask a question or offer a comment in a team meeting.

So the next time you recognize that you are holding back, do two things: First, decide what you want your leadership reputation to be. Then ask yourself: “Is my fear of failure greater than my desire to succeed?”

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

 

 

 

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Best Practices Human Resources Management Marketing Skills

Body Language – How to Better Interpret What You See

“Sometimes, the subliminal mind stores impressions of what the conscious mind is unaware of. In order to see better, look for the unseen.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert,www.TheMasterNegotiator.com

When observing your body language, do you take the time to interpret what you see? I don’t mean, if you see a cat, you recognize it as a cat and then go about addressing your next activity. What I’m referring to, especially when it comes to major decisions, is understanding how you formulate your decision based on the way you interpret what you’re seeing.

When it comes to reading body language, many experts will inform you that the eyes are the window to the soul. That’s true to a degree and not so truthful. The one consideration that has to be factored in that analysis is the interpreter. That means, per the way each of us see ourself, we see the world. Thus, if we say someone looks up and to the left, they’re recalling something that’s occurred in the past, we may be right. We could also be wrong if that person’s inclination is to look up and to the left when considering future activities. Therefore, we must know how that person uses her eyes to gain a higher level of perspective per what that person is doing at that time. That’s one aspect per how we perceive that person. The other aspect that we should consider is why we’re giving the meaning to that person’s actions (i.e. what we really saw). If you’ve observed the person’s eye movement throughout a conversation and you note that she looks up and to the left when considering future activities, you have a foundation upon which to base your assumptions. Ergo, be sure to base your perception and what you see on a firm foundation, not just conjecture. To do so otherwise could cause you to fall prey to your lying eyes attempting to convince you that you’re seeing the truth. Your eyes may not lie to you, but they can be lied to, which could place you in a quagmire.

Consider the following checklist, based on the importance of the decision.

  1. Ask why you’re interpreting what you see the way you’re interpreting it.
  2. Ask yourself what you’re not seeing or taking into account per what you’re seeing.
  3. Consider how you might alter your perspective by looking at the situation differently.
  4. Ask, if I continue to see something from the same perspective, where might it lead my thoughts.
  5. How long do I need to think about this? Should I take a break, and if so for how long before I can revisit and possibly reframe what I’m seeing.

It’s been said that seeing is believing. That’s true to some degree because to a degree we see what we expect to see; that has to do with the way our brain perceives motion, fills in voids, etc. The point is, while we believe our eyes don’t lie to us, we can believe a lie that we see. Thus, always be mindful about how you glean some clues as to what someone is thinking, based on the movement of their eyes. Eye movement is part of the puzzle. To be more exact, look for clusters of body movements (i.e. hands, head, feet, etc.) to add validity to your assessment.

The better you become at deciphering how you interpreted what your eyes see, the better you’ll be able to read body language. Then, you’ll be more certain about believing what your eyes are telling you … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

Categories
Best Practices Growth Leadership Personal Development

5 Sure Ways To Turn Away Top Talent

It’s a constant challenge for any business to attract the best talent against all the competition and this may well be high on your list of business priorities for the immediate short-term. I just wonder however, how much of the everyday business activity and behaviors you miss as CEO that could be severely diluting your chances of getting the talent you need.  It’s detail that is quite possibly invisible to you.

Sadly, I’m finding that simple good manners and courtesy are going downhill in the corporate world with people just not responding, not being accountable and responsible for getting a task done, not doing what they say they will do and having a general disrespect for others time and agenda. In my opinion, this all-too-common level of apathy is having a dramatic effect on corporate culture and therefore on securing the top talent and here’s why:

  • Long drawn out recruitment processes – I’ve heard several instances of this in recent months and the apparent indifference with the lack of contact between interview, next communication and final job offer gives the candidate a distinct impression of them not being valued or cared about. A sure way for anybody, let alone a keen, bright and driven millennial to be turned off and go elsewhere where things are ‘more dynamic’. Just keep the communication going!

 

  • Not considering that they have other options – a foolhardy assumption. Just because you think your organization is a top brand, you’re offering a better package or good jobs are hard to come by doesn’t mean the candidate will hang around for you to get your act together. They are attracted by much more than financial package, and respect is a huge factor.  Give them the respect of assuming they have other options as well as you.

 

  • Being a CEO who is not visible and authentic – ambitious individuals want to know just who they are working for and the personality of the leadership team is important to them. If you and your senior team are not ‘out there’ visible in the media, active on social media and prominent as business experts in your field, you could be missing out on an important differentiator. A high employee engagement factor is being proud of the company and leadership team. Make sure your senior team get the coaching needed to enhance their brand and visibility.

 

  • Not providing a solid and innovative approach to personal development – if you’re not openly demonstrating how your business is fully invested in the development of your people (and I don’t mean just great words on your careers page) then you’ll absolutely be way off mark with engaging the right people to your business. Progress and development is rated high for millennials especially when they choose their next role. Don’t just cut the training budget when things get tough – it’s quite possibly the worst and most expensive cut you can make.

 

  • Not providing an agile or a mobile working environment – with lifestyle and work balance becoming a higher priority for many today, not providing a flexible environment for office and home working, or time off for important family events for example, will be a negative. Having the opportunity to move around to different departments and learn a breadth of skills fast is highly attractive to most driven talent too. Examine if your culture is embracing of this or is it offered and frowned upon instead?

There are of course many ways in which talent is attracted to your company and these are just a few of the areas I’ve experienced in my work with authentic employee brand and engagement that get in the way.

As CEO you have a responsibility to minimize the risk in your business. Not addressing these important areas of employer brand investment could present a risk you have not considered fully enough.

ACTIONS

Review your 3 last year’s recruitment insights data and do the following:

  • Personally speak to a random selection of recent employees and get feedback on:
    • recruitment personnel and communication effectiveness
    • time taken from first communication to offer letter
    • what would they improve about the process?
  • Review candidates who did not take up the offer to join your company:
    • What are their reasons?
    • What was their experience of the interview process?
    • What was their impression of your company brand via the recruitment / interview process?
Categories
Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

Is Positive Feedback Harder To Give Than Negative Feedback?

I’m sure you’re familiar with that unpleasant feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize you have to give someone negative feedback. You don’t want any drama and you try to avoid conflict, but eventually you have to find a way to tell them that the report needs to be redone, that they’ve been late for the third time, or that the promotion is being given to someone else.

While it may not be surprising that, according to a recent HBR study, 21% of people will avoid giving negative feedback to direct reports, the same study revealed that 37% of people also don’t give positive feedback!  At that point, the question becomes: Is it actually harder to give praise than critique?

The article proposes a variety of reasons why people don’t give positive feedback, ranging from being “too busy” and forgetting, to feeling like a boss should be tough, or that giving praise was a sign of weakness.

Most intriguing to me, however, was the idea that some people don’t give positive feedback because they don’t know how. So from here, let’s look at three simple strategies for giving clear and effective positive feedback.

K.I.S.S.

No, I’m not suggesting you do anything that will warrant a call from HR. You are probably familiar with the age-old acronym K.I.S.S., or “Keep It Simple, Stupid.” Praise doesn’t need to be emotional, gushy, effusive or melodramatic. People just like to know – especially from you “tough graders” out there – that they have met your standards, produced high-quality work, or been successful at completing a difficult project on time and under budget.

Simple comments like, “Thanks for getting that piece back to me so quickly,” “The layout looks terrific, nice job,” or “Looks like you got everything back up to date, much better” are all that is needed to let people know where they stand. It also provides a sense of closure, which helps keep them from worrying that there may be more bad news to come, so they can comfortably shift their full attention to the next task on the list.

Be Specific

Generic comments like “good job,” while better than nothing, don’t tell the person what it is that you like about it, and can often feel perfunctory and insincere. Whatever it is, referencing the specific effort or product helps them to understand what is most important to you and encourages them to focus future efforts on achieving similar outcomes.

Even if it is just following up on something for which you had previously given negative feedback, acknowledge that the specific problem was fixed to appropriate standards and what positive outcome it promotes, e.g., “This new layout is much cleaner, and the image really pops; the client is going to love it.”

Look in the Mirror

If you’re really stuck for how to give praise, ask yourself, if you had done that work, how would you want to be appreciated? Be the boss you wish you’d had, and offer the word of praise that would have been meaningful to you.

Don’t worry that offering praise will make it seem like you’re “going soft” or that people will slack off once they think you’re happy. On the contrary, for many people, praise is actually a motivator. Success begets success, and feelings of success beget more behaviors of success.

What’s critical to understand is that when people feel like they receive sufficient positive feedback, it makes them more open to hearing and accepting negative feedback from the same person. This is because they know that the boss is fair and clear, and that all feedback, whether positive or negative, is honest and comes from the heart.

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Do you have trouble giving feedback, whether positive or negative?  Or do you have other questions or feedback about this issue? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Management Marketing Personal Development

What Aren’t Your Customers Telling You?

What Aren’t Your Customers Telling You

During a recent podcast, the interviewer asked me, “What is a question that other interviewers have not asked that you would like me to ask?” I’ve never been posed that question before in over 100 interviews.

The conversation was being recorded and felt pressure to answer quickly. I was unable to process the request at a conscious level. As a result, I ended up sharing something that I have only shared with a few close friends and colleagues. This shocked me.

Her question got me thinking.

Focus groups and surveys are powerful tools that innovators use to gather perspectives on their customers. Recruiters use interviews to discern more about job applicants. Friends even use a form of these to learn what other people think about them, their choices, or their personality.

Unfortunately, the way these approaches are traditionally done yields answers that are limited in value.

The reality is, people make decisions based on their subconscious beliefs, not conscious ones. And they are usually quite different. If you ask typical questions and give people time to ruminate over their responses, they will reply with what they believe to be true or what they think you want to hear. This is conscious thinking at work.

Another reason these approaches often don’t get to the heart of the matter is because the process of asking questions inadvertently “leads the witness” and biases their responses. The questions we ask impact the range of possible answers.

But what people don’t tell you may in fact be more valuable than what they tell you.

Given this, after using the approaches above, try asking one or more of the following questions:

  • What is something you are afraid to tell me?
  • What is something that you have never told anyone else that might be relevant to this conversation?
  • What is something you have not told me that you think might be valuable?
  • What is a question I did not ask that I should have asked?
  • What is a question you wish I asked that I didn’t?
  • What is something I should know that you did not tell me?
  • What is something positive (about the product, concept, idea) that you have not told me?
  • What is something negative that you have not told me?

And don’t given them a lot of time to contemplate the “right” answer. You want them to answer quickly. Gut reaction.

Make up your own questions. Of course to ask questions like these you need to create a safe environment where people feel comfortable saying what they truly believe with no repercussions.

Use these questions with everyone: prospects, clients, people who never bought from you (and might never), friends, family members, colleagues, your boss, co-workers, or anyone who might have a valuable insight to share to generate.

Ask your clients these types of questions about your services. Ask former customers questions like this about your products or the products of your competitors.

The goal of these questions is to gather insights that would not be available to you through traditional methods such as surveys and focus groups.

If done correctly, you will more than likely be unable to predict their response.

And their reply may come as a surprise to them as well – just like when I was asked one of those questions. These are the valuable responses you want obtain because it uncovers their subconscious beliefs – the beliefs that drive behaviors.

 

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Best Practices Human Resources Management Marketing Personal Development Women In Business

How to Win More Negotiations — Focus Your Thoughts


“Be leery of the man that attempts to sell you someone else’s clothes when he himself is unclothed. That’s when he may be engaged in a diversion.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert, www.TheMasterNegotiator.com

To win more negotiations, you should focus your thoughts. That’s to say, you should be very thoughtful of what you’re thinking during the negotiation, why you have such thoughts, and where those thoughts might lead. To do otherwise could mean you’re led haphazardly towards a negotiation outcome that doesn’t serve your goals of the negotiation. Observe the following to increase the focus of your thoughts in a negotiation.

Breaking News: Do you take note of how and when TV News organizations flash that moniker across/on the screen? At that moment they’re attempting to grab your attention from what you were focusing on and directing it to what they want you to focus on. In most cases, the breaking news is nothing that would really demand you lend your attention to, but they’ve captured your focus, which was their intent. If you raise your awareness to what’s being attempted by such ploys in a negotiation, you’ll focus your thoughts on not losing your focus per what’s important to your negotiation effort.

Be mindful of when timeouts are called: When timeouts are called in a negotiation, note the reason cited for the timeout and assess the reasoning validity. As an example, if you happen to be winning the negotiation or a point in that process, and the opposing negotiator asks to take a break, he could be doing so to slow your momentum, take the time to gather additional insights/thoughts, and/or to refresh himself. All such insights will give you guidance per what may be occurring in his mind, as to the reasoning he called a timeout. Thus, it may or may not behoove you to grant his request, depending on how hard you wish to push at that time and/or what your next move is intended to achieve. The point is, be aware when there’s a shift in the negotiation and what may have occurred to cause it.

Diversions – Sizzlin’ Korean BBQ: Take note of what the opposing negotiator is asking you to focus on. Question yourself, and possibly her, why she’s asking you to lend your attention to the point she’s highlighting. Note the same when you make a point and attempts are made to divert it. Ask yourself, why was my point given less credence? Why doesn’t she want to address my point and what implications does that have?

In a negotiation, the other negotiator may not tell you how to think, but he may attempt to direct your thoughts by suggesting what you should think about. In so doing, he’s controlling you and the negotiation. To the degree that you think of what you’re thinking about, why you have such thoughts and how those thoughts are aligned with the goals you seek for the negotiation, you’ll combat his efforts while promoting the outcome you seek.

By focusing on what you think about and why you have such thoughts, you’ll be in more control of the negotiation, which will allow you to win more negotiations … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

 

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Economics Human Resources Industries Investing Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

7 Questions You Can Ask That Will Make You a Better Negotiator

Questions form the foundation for the exchange of information in a negotiation. To the degree you ask better questions, you’ll achieve greater negotiation outcomes. The following are 7 questions you can ask that will make you a better negotiator, and enhance the probability of your negotiation outcomes.

  1. Did you hear what you just said?

This question can be used to draw attention to a point that you wish to highlight. It can also serve as a distraction away from a point that doesn’t serve you.

  1. What’s the best outcome you’d like to see us reach?

This question gets at the heart of what the other negotiator would like   to see as a ‘best outcome’ situation, which gives you insight into his thought process.

  1. What’s most important to you in this negotiation?

Similar to question number 2, you’ll gain insight into the thought process of the other negotiator, which will give you a glimpse of how to negotiate with her. You’ll also get an idea of her priorities.

  1. What concerns do you have about this negotiation, this point, etc.?

This serves as a way to probe deeper into the mindset of the opposing negotiator per what he fears the most about the outcome of the negotiation. Observe his body language. If he says he doesn’t   have any concerns. Note if he sits back or leans forward as he’s speaking. If he leans forward, he’s more likely not to be concerned at that time. If he leans away, that could indicate he does have concerns, he might not want to share them with you at that time.

  1. What can we do to get past this impasse?

By getting his perspective, you gain a sense of how you might unravel the impasse. If you can adopt his suggestions, to the degree they serve you, you’ll be granting him the outcome he wants. That means he’ll buy into it. Remind him that you’re following his suggestions if he balks later.

  1. Why is that so important?

First, be observant of your tone when posing this question. Your tonality might be perceived as the matter being trivial. If it possesses true value to her, you don’t want to give the impression that it’s not a big deal, especially if it is to you. By doing so, she could say, okay, then give it to me. That would leave you in a weakened position.

  1. What can I do to make things right?

Be very cautious when asking this question. You don’t want to open the floodgates by allowing the other  negotiator to ask for the moon and you not be able to grant the request. On the opposing side, once again, you get a sense of what it might take to make it better, which means you can choose to grant some or none of the requests.

As you can see, the questions you pose during a negotiation set the tone and pace of the negotiation. The questions above can be strategically used during a negotiation to direct or redirect the negotiation in a particular direction that serves your purpose. To do so, use the questions in the order that are best suited for your purpose based on when a particular question is needed. If you do this masterfully, you’ll leave the negotiation with more gains than you otherwise might have had … and everything will be right with the world.

 

Remember, you’re always negotiating!