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Category: Health and Wellness

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness

Does Yelling at Your Kid Work?

Stop me if you’ve ever been in a situation like this one. . .

 

You’ve had a long day—the kind where nothing seems to go right. Now, when you’re supposed to be enjoying family time, your kids will not stop bickering over the most insignificant things. 

 

While they’re arguing over who can drink their water faster, you realize that you’ve finally had enough. You interject, pleading with them to stop because you’re afraid one of them might choke—and, let’s be honest, you just want a little peace and quiet.

 

Then it happens. Your sweet child turns to you and says, “Shut up, Mom.” 

 

That’s your trigger. You take a deep breath and start yelling your head off. You’re human and you yell because you feel so disrespected, and it’s been such a hard day. . . a hard week. . . a hard month. . . a hard year!

 

You’d never yell at a friend, or a coworker, or a neighbor, so how could you possibly have it in you to yell at your child?

 

Understanding Why Parents Yell

There are several reasons why parents yell at their children. It could be:

  • an attempt to get your child to literally hear or listen to you
  • a way of asserting dominance
  • because you simply lost your temper

But unless you’re shouting in a crowd to get your child’s attention, yelling is never the best way to accomplish your parenting goals.

 

In my TEDx Talk, The Rebellion Is Here – We Created it, We Can Solve It, I talk about the external locus of control or the thought process of using rewards and punishments to control behavior. When parents turn to controlling forms of discipline—like yelling—they’re relying on external factors to create what they believe will be well-behaved children.

 

If you’ve fallen into this trap before, give yourself some grace. Most people resort to this method of thinking, particularly in moments of stress. But it isn’t effective, and it certainly doesn’t lead to “better” behavior.

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Overcoming the Instinct to Yell

Just as there’s an external locus of control, there’s an internal locus of control. The internal locus of control addresses underlying, unmet needs. It’s not about what’s happening on the outside; rather, it’s about everything going on inside that is causing undesirable behavior.

 

When children act out, it’s often their way of expressing an unmet need. This same logic can be applied to a parent who acts out by yelling, too.

 

You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t think logically when you’re completely mentally drained. Yelling or losing your temper is always a sign to check in with yourself, as a parent and as a person, to understand why you acted out.

 

As it turns out, yelling or other controlling forms of discipline don’t stop this cycle. In fact, they actually lead to your child acting out more, through retaliation, rebellion, and resentment.

 

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Yelling can cause lasting psychological damage in children. And it never addresses the root of the problem. If you find yourself about to scream or shout, it’s probably best for everyone involved that you remove yourself from the situation and find a different outlet.

 

The next time you wind yourself up to yell, pause. Ask yourself how you might respond to that sort of discipline—and if it would cause you to change your behavior.

 

Instead, turn away, take a few deep breaths, and return to your child with a clearer head. You’ll have the opportunity to communicate with them in a manner that fosters security and connection.

 

At the end of the day, parents are all doing their best in difficult situations. But it’s important to remember that children are in that very same position. And when you find different ways of communicating with your child, it’s easier to remember that you’re both on the same team.

 

Love and Blessings,

Katherine
P.S. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone who understands. The Conscious Parenting Revolution has a network of supportive parents here to offer you solutions, or just a listening ear. Join our private Facebook Group today!

Categories
Best Practices Growth Health and Wellness Management

10 Tips to Boost Your Emotional Wellness at Work and Home

Work, family, financial challenges, Covid-19, and all the other stressors in the world can really take a toll on one’s emotional wellness. It’s not easy to be happy and enjoy life if your emotional health isn’t at a high level. While many of life’s ups and downs are beyond our control, there are a lot of things that are within our control. There are several things you can do to increase your emotional wellness that won’t cost a penny or require a lot of time.

Practice these strategies and positively affect your emotional wellness:

  1. Move more. Your brain and your body are connected. You feel your emotions in your body. If you move around more, your body will be healthier and better calibrated to your environment. Sitting around too much increases the likelihood of feeling stressed or depressed.
  2. Use your time more effectively. The more you get done, the less you leave undone. Having your work and chores done on a regular basis results in less stress and a greater opportunity to feel calm and relaxed. Putting your attention on determining the best way to use your time is a great habit to develop and will benefit your life for the rest of your life.
  3. Address any financial challenges you’re facing. There are only three basic strategies for addressing financial challenges: Worry about them, ignore them, or address them. Find a solution to your financial woes and begin working on it. The other options only result in stress and misery either today or in the future.
  4. Get enough sleep. Your brain and body are a mess if you’re not getting enough sleep. Find a sleep schedule that works for you and stick to it. Everyone has different sleep requirements.
  5. Be sociable. As solitary as you might think you are, you still need to be around other people on a regular basis. Having people you can count on makes a huge difference.
  6. Let go of expectations and focus on gratitude. Misery largely results from unmet expectations. Spend some time each day focusing on gratitude rather than being annoyed that life, you, or others, have failed to meet your expectations.
  7. Avoid the news. The news today is little more than mayhem and political news because that’s what people like to watch. Engaging isn’t the same as useful. You’re not missing anything. Watch or read something else instead.
  8. Avoid most social media. The basic premise of social media is admirable: Stay in touch with friends and family. The reality is that the most common use of social media is to make everyone else jealous of their family, car, house, or vacation. The image that people project is often false, and it makes others feel small by comparison. Be smart in how you use social media.
  9. Limit your obligations. A simple and meaningful life is the best option for most people. Keep your life simple by avoiding optional obligations that don’t add anything to your life.
  10. Carve out 5-minute vacations. Daydream, play your favorite music, water plants, surf your favorite podcast or video streaming platform.  As much as a 5-minute break can deliver some of the benefits of a full vacation for less time and money.

Avoid those things that can have a negative impact on your sense of emotional well-being. This includes social media, the news, unreasonable expectations, and unnecessary obligations. Get your rest, move around, and address the challenges in your life that are within your control. Spend time with people that you love.

 

When your emotional health is high, you have a solid foundation for enjoying many other aspects of life. Review the tips above and pick one to implement today.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Are You Raising a Spoiled Child?

When your child is giving you a particularly rough time, you might be tempted to compare them to the infamous Veruca Salt:

In the beloved children’s book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Veruca Salt embodies the cautionary tale of a spoiled child. One pony is not enough — she wants another one. As the Oompa Loompas sing:

Who do you blame when your kid is a brat?

Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?

Blaming the kids is a lion of shame

You know exactly who’s to blame:

The mother and the father

Yikes!

Many parents I work with are very concerned about somehow turning their kids rotten. But can being generous or indulgent to our kids really affect them negatively?

In order to tackle the issue of “spoiled kids,” we need to deconstruct the idea of a spoiled child. Here are some of the beliefs that often give parents the wrong impression about their own children:

  1. Children are inherently bad. When a child has a strong reaction to not getting their way — stomping, crying, screaming or giving you a whole lotta attitude — a parent will often reflexively call them ungrateful, disrespectful, or even spoiled rotten. While this behaviour is something parents should consciously address, calling a kid spoiled feeds the notion that kids are somehow evil in nature, which is absolutely untrue!
  2. The myth that kids + money = spoiled. Parents across varying income brackets, refuse to let their kids handle their own money because they’re afraid their kids will make bad choices or end up “spoiled.” On the contrary, allowing your kids some autonomy over their money can actually teach them valuable lessons about handling their finances in a healthy manner! Yes, they may make mistakes and spend some of their cash on a frivolous purchase — but that’s how they learn. Children are worthy of our trust and will only mirror what we teach them.
  3. Children will take advantage of your generosity. Again, are our kids human beings we love or little gremlins out to get us?! Children respond to what they receive from their caregivers. If we shower them with love, they’ll learn to shower others with love in return. Of course, parents need to understand that sometimes loving your kid means helping them set boundaries! Being truly generous means you know when something is no longer good for your child (i.e. too much candy, too much screen time, etc.) — and helping them hone healthier habits.

So what can we do to raise empathetic, loving children?

  • Cultivate an environment of gratitude. An attitude of gratitude starts with you. Make it a habit to go around the dinner table and ask everyone to name one thing they’re grateful for.
  • Expose your kids to different perspectives. If you’re worried that your kids might grow up entitled, expose them to different cultures and backgrounds. Understanding unfamiliar mindsets and upbringings is crucial to developing empathy in children.
  • Encourage them to give. Finally, let them experience firsthand the fulfillment and joy of giving. Ask them to make cards or cookies for friends or family, or have them help you drop off items for donation at a local charity.

Showering your child with love and real generosity cannot bring them harm. If you model healthy, generous, and loving behavior to your children, you’re doing the best thing you can for them: helping them grow up to be healthy, generous, and loving in turn.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness

How To Teach Your Child Good Sportsmanship

Have you heard of Ivan Fernandez?

Ivan is a Spanish cross country runner who has competed internationally in several long-distance running events.

He entered the global spotlight in 2013, not for winning a race—but for coming in second place.

During the race, Ivan was running behind Kenyan runner Abel Mutai. Abel was almost at the finish line when he became confused by some of the signage. He thought he had already won, so he stopped running.

Ivan was right behind him, and when he realized what was going on, he tried to yell to Abel to keep going.

Abel, however, didn’t understand Spanish. So Ivan took hold of Abel and pushed him to the finish line before crossing it himself.

After the race, a journalist asked Ivan why he did what he did. After all, he could have won the race. Ivan responded that there would be no honor in winning that medal. “What would my mother think of that?” he said.

Ivan Fernandez was a grown man at the time of this race. He wasn’t going home to his mother, who would punish him if he behaved in a less sportsmanlike fashion that day.

Nevertheless, when he choose kindness over his own competitive drive, he was thinking of his mom and all that she had taught him.

Talk about a parenting win!

 

Modeling Empathy with Your Child

We’re all trying to raise compassionate children. But there’s no playbook for all of life’s unexpected little situations that ask us to respond with empathy.

I’m sure Ivan’s mother never sat him down and said, “If you’re ever running an international race and the first place winner seems to think the race ended, the right thing to do would be to push him to the finish line and take second place.”

So how can you ensure that your child understands that sort of empathy and knows how to apply it from now through adulthood? The answer is simple: model it in your everyday life.

 

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Your child may not be running international races. . . yet! But maybe they play on local sports teams, or compete in a dance troupe, or take piano lessons. It’s important to help them understand that winning first place isn’t what’s most important.

This isn’t to say you can’t congratulate your child for a job well done. As a supportive parent, you want to share that joy with them. But, when you’re talking with them about their games or competitions, don’t let your dialogue focus on points scored or medals won.

 

Try saying, “It was so amazing how your teammate helped someone up after they fell.”

Or, “I noticed you cheering everyone on from the bench. That’s a big reason why you’re such a great teammate!”

And so on.

 

Fostering a Healthy Competitive Spirit  

 

If you have a child who is competitive, that’s great! Having a competitive side is a great tool for success. After all, Ivan Fernandez didn’t get to the point of running an international race without a competitive spirit.

But here’s the difference: Ivan knows that competition isn’t everything. He knows that there’s no honor in winning a medal because the first place runner got confused.

Teach your child that winning isn’t about dominating someone else. It’s about how they feel on the inside.

Keep in mind that lessons about empathy and competition don’t just take place on the sports field or in the dance studio. They can also occur while you’re playing board games, talking about current events, or simply navigating human relationships in general.

It’s always a good time to model empathy.

 

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. Scan the QR code below for a Needs Assessment Analysis!

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Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Technology

How to Keep Your Kid’s Screen Time (and your sanity!) from Spiraling Out of Control

The scenario is all-too familiar.

You’re in an important Zoom meeting and need one gloriously uninterrupted hour to focus on work. Despite the fact that it’s 8 in the morning, you hand over the iPad to keep your kid entertained.

Or how about this one:

Your tween has stopped complaining that they’re bored and started spending all their free time scrolling on social media. It’s a struggle to get them to put down their phone at mealtimes.

Or even this:

You’re concerned about your child’s gaming habits. A hobby has become an obsession, and your kid seems to be gaming when you wake up in the morning and when you go to sleep at night. It’s getting harder to talk to them, and you wonder if their schoolwork is slipping.

I completely get it. Screen time is so easy and so entertaining. It’s designed to grab and hold our attention. And the longer we stay isolated and inside, the more time you and your kid are likely to spend in the glow of a phone, computer, tablet, or TV. It’s exhausting to keep antsy children occupied, especially when you’ve got work that needs to get done.

Is your family’s screen time spiraling out of control? How do you keep yourself from being overcome by guilt from allowing too much screen time? And how do we all keep our screens from destroying us mentally, emotionally, and even physically?

First, take a deep breath. Screens are not inherently evil, and you are not a bad parent for using them. You simply need to apply some conscious parenting to your family’s approach to screentime:

  1. Understand the media your kids use. You don’t have to feel like you’re making a deal with the devil every time you let your child use a screen. Instead of allowing devices to rule your life, take your power back by educating yourself about them. What shows/apps/websites/games do your children like to watch or use? Try to incorporate some educational and values-forming content in with the fun stuff and the fluff.
  2. Build-in interactive activities. Does your child love watching musicals? Schedule a family sing-a-long. Are they interested in drawing? Let them watch an art show and do some inspired drawing together afterward. You can even host a bake-off based on your favorite cooking show!
  3. Incorporate live face time. To encourage social interaction, suggest some online face time with relatives or friends. There are even apps out now that allow you to read a book with someone remotely.
  4. Structure hours. Work with your child, if they’re old enough for the discussion, to set reasonable and mutually agreed-to limits on screen time. Carve out time to go for a family walk or play some old-school board games. Try to build in electronic-free times and zones, especially around mealtimes and bedtimes.
  5. Make a co-parenting agreement. If you’re raising your kids with other caregivers, make sure you are all aware about screen time usage in each household. You may not implement the same schedules or limits, but keeping each other informed will eliminate confusion and foster effective communication.
  6. Model screen-free behavior. If you’re constantly scrolling or checking email, you can’t expect your kid to place much value on your warnings against screen time. Set guidelines for your family, not just for your kids — and make sure to adhere to the rules yourself!

As parents, we worry a lot about the issue of screen time and how too much of it might hurt our children. But at the end of the day, we have to realize that devices are just pieces of metal, and it’s up to us to use them for ill or for gain. As our children’s parents, what’s important is that we give them what a screen ultimately can’t: the love, attention, and support they need.

P.S. Gaming addiction is a very specific, and real, screentime concern. If you’re worried about your kid’s gaming habits, check out my free webinar with Cam Adair, founder of Game Quitters and a former video game addict.

Categories
Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness

The Difference You Can Make: Grandma Sparky’s Blue Ribbon Campaign

When was the last time you felt truly appreciated?

No matter how much we do for our families and our communities, we’re all still hardwired to hold onto negative feedback more than positive feedback. That can be pretty damaging, especially considering that people are more likely to default to criticism than praise.

Even if criticism isn’t malicious, we often internalize it as reinforcement of our own insecurities. It’s true for adults—and it’s true for children, too.

That’s why it is so important that we let people know how much we value them and how much of a difference they make to us.

Grandma Sparky’s Blue Ribbon Campaign

I want to tell you about someone really special.

Grandma Sparky is a woman who, at 37 years old, contemplated suicide every day. On the surface, she had it all, but deep inside, she was struggling.

She knew what it was like to feel lost, desperate, and alone, so she harnessed that internal pain and transformed it into something beautiful.

She began reaching out in her community to teach others how to show their appreciation for one another, and eventually, the Blue Ribbon campaign was born.

 

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The Blue Ribbon campaign is a way to let people in your community know that they matter.

Each blue ribbon says, “Who I Am Makes A Difference” and is meant for somebody who makes a difference in your life. Then, that person gets two blue ribbons to distribute to people who make a difference in their life. . . and so on.

Who You Are Matters

You may already be aware that September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. According to the World Health Organization, one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds.

No matter who we are, we all need to be told that we make a difference to somebody else.

Unfortunately, we can’t undo the tragedies that have already occurred. What we can focus on today, however, is telling the people in our life that they matter. Grandma Sparky’s Blue Ribbon campaign allows you to do that in a tangible way that can easily be paid forward.

Who YOU are makes a difference.

Right now you can visit the Blue Ribbon campaign website and get 10 free blue ribbons. When you give someone a ribbon, make sure you give them two more so they can pay it forward to the people in their life who make a difference.

Who will you give your ribbons to?

 

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. If you’re a parent looking for a place to call home, join our private Facebook Group.  And if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please know help is available. You can contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7 for support.

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

Dear Katherine: Why is My Granddaughter So Moody? — Conscious Parenting Revolution

Hello, Conscious Parent! Welcome to “Dear Katherine,” a monthly Q&A with real-life parents/caregivers. If you’d like to submit a question of your own, email me at katherine@consciousparentingrevolution.com.

Dear Katherine,

I have an 11-year-old granddaughter whose emotions are all over the place. Recently, she came home from school in an especially angry mood. I could tell something had happened, but when I asked her about it, she yelled that it was none of my business and slammed the door in my face.

What should I do? Should I give her space? I never know how to respond to her in situations like this.

Love,

Concerned Grams

Dear Concerned Grams,

First, I want to give you some good news: “bad” behavior at home means a child feels certain they’re loved no matter what.

Your granddaughter knows she can let her hair down and be difficult in front of you because you’ve created a safe place for her to fall apart. If she were to exhibit this kind of behavior at school, it would be a symptom of a much bigger problem.

But Concerned Grams, I know this assurance doesn’t fix the problem you’re having.

What you and your granddaughter are experiencing is a classic communication breakdown. Neither of you has the necessary tools to reach the other, so you’re caught in a rut of ill-expressed feelings, hurt, and unmet needs.

Here’s the thing to keep in mind: children don’t have the sophisticated vocabulary or the maturity to identify their unmet needs. So 99% of the time, a child’s default reaction to emotional discomfort is to fall apart crying, screaming, kicking-or all three!

As the adults in the room, it’s our job to teach kids to self-regulate their emotions and effectively express what they need. Here’s what I recommend:

Depersonalize

No matter how personal your granddaughter’s behavior may feel to you, know that it’s not about you. Her yelling and slamming doors are symptoms of her own pain, and nothing else.

As Marshall Rosenberg once said, “Never listen to the words people say.” Your grandchild’s angry words will only trigger you. So when you feel emotions begin to rise, allow yourself self-empathy and self-compassion. Take a pause and step back. Once you’ve depersonalized, then you’ll be ready to re-engage.Once both you and your granddaughter have achieved a level of calmness, open a line of communication in a gentle, leading way.

Lead them out

Once both you and your granddaughter have achieved a level of calmness, open a line of communication in a gentle, leading way.

If you suspect the problem stems from friendships at school, for example, start with something like: “It seems like you’re feeling so distraught. You need to be seen as who you are, to be acknowledged and included, to have security in your relationships. Do you feel like one of your friends isn’t meeting these needs?”

Then listen to her response – with compassion and without judgment.

Help them name their unmet needs

Because children have trouble identifying their unmet needs, they blame external factors for how they feel.

If they’re excluded from a party invitation, for example, they feel so overwhelmed with negative emotions that the underlying unmet need (i.e. the need for belonging and friendship) goes unresolved.

Help your granddaughter express, “I feel… because my needs aren’t being met,” instead of letting factors she can’t control dictate how she feels inside.

Concerned Grams, when a kid is hurt, sad, or distressed, they have no idea how to reconnect in a meaningful way with those around them. But your concern is the first step to helping your granddaughter through whatever difficulties she’s experiencing.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. Want more support to transform your family dynamics? Join us for the 5 Day Parenting Reboot, launching September 13th!

Originally published at https://www.consciousparentingrevolution.com on August 27, 2021.

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

Neonatologist Susan Landers, MD Shares Tips For Expectant Parents When Babies Needs the NICU

More than half a million parents have babies that are born premature, a multiple or another critical scenario when admitted to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). Having a baby spend the early part of their life in the NICU seems frightening to most parents and can be a traumatic experience when confronted with life and death choices for their babies. The book, So Many Babies is written by Neonatologist and NICU expert Susan Landers, MD, which thoroughly prepares expectant parents on what to expect if their baby goes to NICU. Dr. Landers explains in detail what parents should expect to see, witness, experience, and what to ask the doctors while their child is there. So Many Babies is the most informative NICU doctor-to-parent book written on the subject of neonatal medicine and high-risk obstetrics. It’s an extraordinary book that should be read by every expectant parent. 

Dr. Landers sat down with the California Herald today to talk about her new book, So Many Babies: My Life Balancing a Busy Medical Career & Motherhood giving tips that expectant parents need to know about the NICU:

 

What is your book about and why did you write it? 

“So Many Babies” is about my 30-year-practice as a neonatologist taking care of sick babies in the NICU. My book relates stories about some incredibly special patients – some premature, some multiples, some born with severe birth defects, and their parents – each of whom touched me in profound ways. My book relates stories of my learning how to be a good enough mother raising three children of my own while practicing full time. My hope is that my motherhood journey will be reassuring to other working mothers.  

 

What was it like to work in the NICU? 

Working in the NICU often felt like working in a whirlwind. It was always exciting, and usually extremely rewarding. Watching babies respond positively to new technologies and treatments was gratifying. However, watching babies die despite full support was heartbreaking, and sometimes felt defeating.  Sometimes the NICU was incredibly stressful, especially in life and death situations, or challenging ethical cases. Sometimes it was a tragic and the NICU was a difficult place to work, especially while experiencing the suffering of some of the sickest babies and their parents.  Sometimes the NICU environment was noisy and almost nerve wracking, and other times it was quiet, calm, and subdued. There were always surprises and I enjoyed being part of a NICU team that was ready for anything, even quadruplets on a Sunday evening. 

 

What is the most important information you want parents to come away with from reading your book? 

I want parents to realize that the NICU experience is scary initially, sometimes traumatic, but in the end, it builds strength and character. Delivering a sick or preterm baby who requires NICU care is a shock to most parents, and it takes some number of days to adjust to where your baby is and to all the equipment and treatment that he or she needs. 

It is normal for most NICU parents to feel overwhelmed initially, but most adjust to having a baby in the hospital, become comfortable with asking questions, driving back and forth, visiting, and planning. Parents who are present as often as possible, touching, holding and reading to their babies, tend to connect more securely with their sick infant. NICU moms who pump or express their breastmilk for their infant give a enormous gift to their baby, one that improves their baby’s outcome, and one which no doctor or nurse can give. 

My stories were intended to inspire others with the courage and attentiveness that my favorite NICU parents displayed over the many weeks and months of their child’s stay. The parents that I describe in my book were curious, asked lots of questions, and developed good relationships with their baby’s nurses. They reached out for help when they needed it, were honest with caregivers, and generally took advice from the care team. 

 

What are some of the tips about the NICU that no one tells parents, but you wish they knew?

Most NICU moms feel guilt after the birth of a sick or preterm baby. However, preterm birth is most often unexplained. Although there are some medical conditions that precipitate it, like preeclampsia or diabetes, most often we do not know why mothers deliver a preterm baby or a baby with a birth defect. I want to reassure NICU moms that their baby’s condition is not their fault. 

I want parents to know that having a baby in the NICU will be the most stressful period they will experience as a couple, and as parents. If the parents work together, the experience can make their marriage or partnership stronger. 

Parents who must endure a longer NICU stay need to take care of themselves along the way. They need to let others cook and clean for them, let others drive them to the hospital and run errands for them. They might try to enjoy one night out each week, like a date night, to stay grounded to each other and maintain their relationship.  

Getting to know and talk with other NICU parents is helpful, and there are parent support groups that meet in some hospitals. In addition, there are good Instagram and Facebook NICU-parent-support groups. 

Most parents are tougher than they think they are, and I want them to know that even though having a baby in the NICU is hard, they will grow during the experience. 

 

While the book was extremely informative, I found some of the information in the book to potentially be terrifying to expectant parents. Is it really necessary for parents to be told the ENTIRE truth about what to expect in the NICU?

No, it is not necessary for parents to be told everything that can go wrong after delivery. If we did that, no one would want to chance having a baby. Remember that ninety percent of births are healthy full-term babies. Only ten percent of births are preterm, and eight percent are low birth weight. Another three percent of babies are born with a major birth defect. The NICU exists for these babies and for the unfortunate full-term babies that develop infection or illness after birth. Most babies do not need NICU care.

With good prenatal care, parents become aware of any condition for which they must be prepared. A meeting with a neonatologist before the delivery of a baby with a severe birth defect or extreme prematurity can reassure parents, inform them what to expect, and answer their questions. Once their baby is in the NICU receiving care, most parents prefer to “know what is going on.” They want to understand what chances their baby has, and they want honest answers (to the extent that we can predict those). Oftentimes, we cannot foresee outcomes accurately, and that frustrates some parents.  

I did not write this book to scare potential parents. I wrote this book to portray an accurate picture of my life caring for babies in the NICU, my attachments to my patients and their family, and my struggles balancing work and motherhood. 

Connect with Susan Landers, MD directly at https://susanlandersmd.com/

Purchase So Many Babies at https://www.amazon.com/So-Many-Babies-Balancing-Motherhood-ebook/dp/B091MX11TG/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1619459890&sr=8-1 

 

Categories
Body Language Health and Wellness

Getting Real With Dr. Dain Heer About His bestselling Book ‘Body Whispering’

Dr. Dain Heer’s book ‘Body Whispering’ hit the bestseller list as soon as it came out, which isn’t surprising considering its amazing insights into your relationship with your body – and reading it may well be the beginning of the best friendship you’ve ever had. In this absolutely phenomenal book, Heer gives readers the tools they need to find healing, change, and transformation. 

The messages in ‘Body Whispering’ have really resonated with readers and helped them change their relationship with their bodies, as well as infuse their lives with more joy. This level of success is nothing new for Dr. Dain Heer, who has been facilitating, exploring, and celebrating the magic of bodies for the last 30 years. Along his journey, he developed his signature energy work called the Energetic Synthesis of Being: A totally different way that invites a new level of awareness and transformation with bodies. 

We were thrilled when Heer agreed to have a chat with us, so we can learn more about this talented thought leader and his book ‘Body Whispering’. 

When you did the final read-through of ‘Body Whispering,’ what was your favorite part, and why?

Actually, my favorite part of doing the final read through the entire transcript was how each piece on its own created an opening, but how, when all put together, it created a dynamically different space of gratitude, joy, and the sense that everything in my body that I have a desire to be different was actually changeable. 

I love it because each piece individually, and each concept individually, is dynamic on its own. But when received all together, they all add and contribute to each other to create something truly magical.

Here is an excerpt from the book (and one of my favorite parts), that I would like to share with you, which hopefully will help you see the destructive element of judgment:

I’ve said this already, and I’ll say it again: Judgment is a killer. It’s a killer of possibilities; it’s a killer of space, it’s a killer of energy, it’s a killer of joy, it’s a killer of happiness. 

Moreover, it’s the number one cause of pain, suffering, and illness on the planet. As a body whisperer, understanding more about judgment and its destructive and limiting nature puts you in a place where I believe hardly any other healers on the planet are right now, and a place where you can bring change into your world and the world of the people you work on with real ease. 

The thing about judgment is that it’s an ingrained habit, and it’s no one’s fault that they picked it up. It’s almost like a reflex. We’ve been conditioned to judge everything about us. Everything we think, everything we choose, everything we do is labeled as good or bad, right or wrong. 

What if it didn’t have to be that way? 

What if it’s not the way you really are, underneath all the conditioning? What if dropping judgment altogether would be like a homecoming and a return to your true nature? 

Almost like getting your wings back? 

You had those wings when you were a baby, by the way. 

You didn’t come into the world judging yourself or others; you were a little ball of conscious energy and light. 

And as with any habit, judgment is a habit you can choose to break. 

You cover a lot of territory in this phenomenal book, including how people often drain themselves because they need to heal others. Can you tell us a bit more about this concept?

Many of us are empaths, and take on the pain of those around us. 

In the case of people who work as healers, such as chiropractors or massage therapists, they help clients reduce pain by taking on the pain for themselves. For example, a client comes in with a sore shoulder and feels better at the end, because they’ve absorbed some of that.

We’re all walking around like psychic sponges, absorbing both the emotional and physical pain of people around us (and the emotions and the pain are usually linked, by the way). 

When people talk about carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, they mean it! When you stop taking on what doesn’t belong to you, it’s amazing how much freer your body can feel. 

My favorite tool for this is asking, “who does this belong to?” when I feel a negative emotion or physical pain, like a sore neck. If I feel lighter after asking the question (which 99% of the time, I do!), I return the thought, feeling, sensation or emotion back to the sender, even if I don’t know who it is. 

How did you develop the idea of body whispering? Can anyone become a body whisper?

Body Whispering is a culmination of more than twenty years of experience as the co-founder of Access Consciousness for the past 20 years and my experience working as a chiropractor. 

When I started out as a chiropractor, I always had a sense that there was something more I could be doing for my patients. 

A few years in, I met Gary Douglas, the co-founder of Access Consciousness. He came into my practice for a session and said, “my body will tell you what it needs.” 

This was an eye-opening experience for me as it was the first time I have been asked, ” Ask my body what it needs?!” Suddenly, I was aware of this whole new communion with bodies and a new world opened up for me. 

This was the beginning of my body whispering journey. I then developed my signature energy process, the Energetic Synthesis of Being (ESB), and run classes worldwide working with people to teach them how to transform their limitations into possibilities for healing and energetic awareness.

To learn more about Dr. Dain Heer and ‘Body Whispering’ check out Amazon.

 

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Are You A Bad Parent For Treating Your Kids Differently?

If you’re a parent to more than one child, chances are you’ve been accused, at some point or another, of playing favorites.

Maybe your 10-year-old is upset that her 13-year-old sister is allowed to have an iPhone and she isn’t.

Perhaps one of your children has a learning disability and requires more help with school work, leaving his sibling feeling neglected.

It’s normal — and even healthy — to treat children differently. After all, they’re each their own individual person with unique needs. But how can you honor their individuality without making it seem like you’re playing favorites?

The Dos and Dont’s: When You Should Treat Your Kids Differently — and When You Shouldn’t

As a mother myself, I know that YOU know you’re not actually playing favorites. Many factors contribute to our daily interactions with our kids: their personality, age, maturity level, even their birth order!

Consider the experience of a first-born child. They’re brought into the world by parents who look at them like deer in headlights — completely inexperienced when it comes to raising a baby. This child may recall being the center of attention, with Mom and Dad anxiously monitoring their every move.

The second-born child, on the other hand, will probably have a different experience — in large part because their parents feel more confident and at ease the second time around.

The truth is, no two children experience the same family in the same way. And no parent experiences each child the same way either! Each kid is unique — and their individuality is precisely why we can’t treat them the same way all the time.

When considering your kids’ individual needs, DO treat them differently according to:

Personality. You can’t expect an introverted child to have the same hobbies or activities as an extroverted child. Encourage your kid to identify what interests them and be supportive of what they choose — whether it’s sports, ballet, drama, painting, or even reading quietly by themselves.

Tailor your approach even when prodding your children to make friends. An introverted child may be more comfortable with a one-on-one playdate, while an extroverted child might enjoy group activities.

Age. It’s normal for a younger child to complain when their older sibling is allowed to do something they’re not. But as the parent, it’s important to stand your ground about what’s developmentally appropriate for each kid.

Be firm but empathetic about why, as a 7-year-old, your kid can’t drink coffee or go to the mall on their own. Acknowledge their frustration and let them know you understand their disappointment. That acknowledgement will help them release the negative emotion and let the issue go.

Special needs. If your kid has a learning condition, allergies, or any type of special needs, by all means cater to them. Encourage their siblings to practice being considerate and supportive of each other’s special needs, too. If one child is allergic to nuts, for example, ask your other children to be selective about the food they share at home and have alternative food options their sibling can eat.

That said, don’t forget to give time and attention to the kid who doesn’t have special needs. Some children are so good at being the “strong, supportive sibling” that they don’t know how to ask for help from their parents when they need it. So be proactive about checking in with them!

Maturity level. Not all kids have the same level of maturity at ages 5, 10, 15. Some children are more mature than others, and should be treated accordingly to nurture their autonomy and independence. Still, navigating these considerations can be difficult for parents, as I learned firsthand.

When my daughter Pia was in 6th grade and we were living in Hong Kong, I left for an extended work trip. Upon my return, I found out that Pia had started taking taxis on her own. My husband was comfortable with this milestone, but boy was I unprepared!

We ended up resolving this conflict through effective communication. The truth of the matter was that Pia was ready and responsible for that level of independence. Luckily, my daughter understood that it was me who had a problem with fear, worry, and letting go. She supported my needs and came to a compromise by agreeing to text me her whereabouts whenever she took a taxi on her own.

When considering your kids’ individual needs, DON’T treat them differently when it comes to:

  • Implementing value systems. Your expectations for behavior and responsibilities should be consistent among all your children. Let your kids know that everyone is expected to be kind, considerate, and helpful — inside and outside the house. No exceptions.
  • Showing appreciation. Whether you’re attending your daughter’s field hockey game or your son’s piano recital, be their biggest cheerleader. Show them you’re proud of who they are and how they choose to express themselves.
  • Spending quality time. It’s important to spend quality bonding time alone with each child. Schedule a “Mommy/Daddy and Me” time at least once a month with your kids — and hold that time sacred and immovable.

Treating your kids differently doesn’t mean you’re playing favorites. It means you respect your children as individuals with varied needs and desires.

Explain to your kids why they require different treatment from you at times. But let them know that when it comes to the question of who your favorite is, the answer is “no one” — because you love them equally.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

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