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How to Use Reverse Questioning to Win More Negotiations

“The degree of success you experience in life and in negotiations is based to a degree on asking the right questions successfully.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

You no doubt know what reverse engineering is, right? Reverse questioning in a negotiation is the process of identifying the questions you need to ask in order to obtain the answers that will lead to a successful negotiation outcome. It’s also a way to identify how you’ll control the flow of the negotiation.

As a quick example, if you wanted to exit a negotiation paying $1,000 for a product you’d work from the outcome sought back to the beginning of the negotiation; you might also consider working back from that point to how you would position yourself prior to entering into the negotiation. To perform the latter, you’d assess the requirements needed (i.e. how you’d position yourself) to have your persona projected in a certain light/manner.

The following is what the step-by-step process would look like.

  1. Identify the most and least favorable outcome you’ll seek from the negotiation, along with why you’ve identified those points of juxtaposition. As a benefit, having that insight will help you identify exit points from the negotiation.
  2. Assemble a list of questions that might be asked of you as you would go through the negotiation.
  3. Create answers to the questions posed in step 2 that are needed to drive your efforts towards a winning negotiation outcome, while formulating questions you’ll ask to keep the negotiation on track; these will be your defensive questions. Identify points where you can answer a question with a question; remember, the person asking the questions is the person controlling the negotiation. That’s due to the fact, that person is gaining more information.
  4. Once you create and address step 3, create a list of questions that you might ask of the other negotiator that’s separate from the ones you might use to respond to his questions; these will become your offensive questions. Offensive questions are questions that move your negotiation efforts quicker towards the end of the negotiation; they are questions that the other negotiator has to agree with because they’re based on what he’s previously stated as his beliefs or truths; you’ll be weaponizing his thoughts and questions against him. Some of these questions will also come in the form of questions that answer questions.
  5. Assess how the opposing negotiator might respond to your scenario.
  6. Continue going over steps 1 through 5, in an attempt to uncover additional questions that you’d not considered that need to be included in the process.
  7. Once you feel you’ve honed the questions to a point that the other negotiator has to follow a prescribed path that you’ve created for the negotiation, test your hypothesis in a mock negotiation. This will allow your questioning process to become more refined and may uncover better/additional questions.
  8. Once you feel totally prepared to utilize your questions in a negotiation, do so. Engage with the confidence in knowing that you’ve created a stealthy way of capturing better information as you go throughout the negotiation.
  9. Save your questions in a repository to be used for comparison to past and future negotiation situations.

 

The wrong question asked at the right time in a negotiation may do incalculable harm. The wrong question asked at the wrong time in a negotiation may lead to a negotiation impasse. Create and test your questions before entering into a negotiation and you’ll have more of a chance to reach a successful negotiation outcome … and everything will be right with the world.

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com 

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #Bully #Question

#psychology

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Don’t Hurt the Leader’s Position

“A leader is someone that possesses the ability to successfully lead others from the front or the rear. Always know the position of your leader.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

When someone is serving as the leader of your team and you’ve agreed to give them your support, follow their lead; don’t hurt them or your team by engaging in intended or unintended subterfuge.

In the daily activities of everyone’s life, everyone follows someone. Thus, those that you follow have influence by the fact that you anoint them as someone to lead you. You embolden them with that privilege by the fact that you follow their edict/mandate/suggestions. That being the case, don’t undermine the leader by:

  1. Going off-point per a strategy that has been discussed and agreed upon (e.g. going around the leader to gain attention for yourself, etc.)

 

  1. Engaging with outside sources that have not been agreed upon – make sure the leader knows what you’re planning to do

 

  1. Creating ad-hoc strategies when you’re in the midst of interactions with those that are not on your team/group

When you subvert the direction of the lead that you’ve granted to someone, you forgo potential opportunities, and diminish your team’s ability to implement the plan that’s been agreed upon; that can be costly in time and opportunities. You may also be cloaking into darkness the light of opportunities that may have shown themselves to you in the future (i.e. if you prove not to be a team player, no one will want you on their team.)

If you’re going to be a team player, play follow the leader by supporting the person that you’ve chosen to follow. Do so to the degree that such returns are beneficial to you and the team. Once you decide that you no longer wish to engage, inform the leader of your intent and disengage. Don’t just drop out without any communication. If you restrict the flow of communications, you don’t know what potential door(s) you’ll close that might have offered opportunities that could lead you to higher heights.

As long as you’ve decided to follow the leader, don’t hurt her. You’ve made a conscious decision to allow her to lead. So, follow her lead as long as it serves you and her … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

In a team negotiation environment, the leader of the team can position and pose as any of its members; it doesn’t have to be the person that projects the image of a leader at the negotiation table. Depending on the strategy chosen by the team, the leader may pose as someone that’s in a strategic position for a particular negotiation. He may also be positioned as someone that a senior person on the team can replace once the negotiation has reached a certain point.

The point is, once you have a strategy in place, don’t undermine it by undermining the person that’s the lead for the negotiation. Not only will you be weakening her, you’ll also be weakening your team’s negotiation position and the perspective beneficial outcome of the negotiation for all of you.

 

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to  sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #Leadership

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How to Really Overcome a Bully Before Negotiating

“A bully is a misguided person with perceived power. Extinguish his sources of power and you extinguish the bully.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Do you know how to really overcome a bully before negotiating with him? There you are. You’re negotiating against a bully! He’s someone that’s willing to lie, cheat, and steal to come out ahead in the negotiation. You think to yourself, ‘what can I do? This son-of-a-gun is not playing fair and I don’t know how to overcome him!’ The answer to, ‘what can I do’ was hidden in what occurred before the negotiation began.

The following insights will allow you to position yourself better to overcome a bully’s ploys before you negotiate with him.

Positioning:

In every negotiation, positioning occurs. It’s shown in the way the negotiators perceive each other and themselves. Thus, positioning is important because it determines how negotiators will interact with one another.

If you know you’ll be negotiating against someone that has bullied others in the past, before entering into the negotiation, attempt to discover the demeanor of those individuals. In particular seek to define whether they were perceived to be weak by your opponent due to their short-comings, or if your opponent felt empowered due to some other factor(s) he had going for himself at the time of the negotiation(s). That information will allow you to best position yourself from a position of strength. A bully’s loathing for weakness is the reason he only picks on targets that he perceives to be weak.

Leverage: (ploys you can employ when negotiating with a bully)

  • Using Other people
    • All bullies look up to someone. If you can find a way to curry favor with the bully’s icon, you can supplant his bullying efforts against you. After all, the bully wants an easy target. If the bully’s icon has favored you, that makes you less of a target to the bully.
  • Bully’s weakness
    • All bullies have an Achilles heel. It may be how they wish to be perceived by others. It may also appear in the form of the bully being perceived in one light versus another. Whatever it is, discover it and be prepared to exploit it during the negotiation if such is called for.
  • Bully’s Persona (his vanity)
    • If you’re aware of the pride a bully takes in having himself perceived in a certain light, attempt to alter that light; have it shine on someone or somewhere else. You will have taken away his source of motivation. Hold it hostage until he dismantles his bullying ways. The point is, hit him where you’ll get the most attention and where it will hurt him the most. Remember, he despises weakness and applauds strength.

Be Stealthy:

Every good negotiator gathers information about the opposing negotiator. When you know you’ll be negotiating against a bully, drip misinformation into places that he seeks to gather information about you. The better you can use such information to misguide him, the more difficult it’ll be for him to assess the type of negotiator you are; always be willing to display a different negotiation demeanor based on the opposing negotiator.

When engaging a bully in a negotiation, there are all kinds of mind games that occur. Utilize the insights above and you’ll be in a better mental state than the bully. The better you play the game, the greater the chance that you’ll be able to overcome a bully when negotiating … and everything will be right with the world.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #Bully

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Dr. Diane Hamilton Interviews Steve Forbes

As part of my nationally syndicated radio show, Take the Lead, I interview top leaders and successful individuals who share their success stories.  Steve Forbes, the Chairman and Editor-in-Chief of Forbes Media, was a recent guest on my show.  He and I worked together when I was the MBA Program Chair at the Forbes School of Business and Technology.  To hear the entire interview, you can go to:  http://drdianehamilton.com/episodes. The following are highlights of what he discussed in our interview.

  • Whether leaders are born or made
  • Taking Forbes digital
  • His favorite people he has interviewed
  • Why he ran for the presidency
  • The biggest changes he has seen in politics during his life
  • Predictions for future markets and innovation
  • The three big reforms we need to address
  • The flat tax and whether we will ever see it
  • The Fed and what changes will we see
  • What to look for in employees
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What I’m Thinking

I’m concerned with Inequality. Chuck Collins, great grandson of Chicago meat packer Oscar Mayer has been a great teacher for me. Too many of us only read and listen to Twitter feeds, or the talking heads on radio and TV and never really understand the economics, let alone the human dignity involved in racial, gender, and income inequality. Chuck’s book is “Born on Third Base: A One Percenter Makes the Case for Tackling Inequality, Bringing Wealth Home, and Committing to the Common Good”. Great read. Bill Gates, Sr. is part of the story.

As an executive coach, business consultant and business journalist I work hard to help my clients and Business Builders Show subscribers to go deeper on the issues they face today and will face tomorrow. I recommend they go beneath the headlines to understand what’s really happening in our system of governing. For instance – do you really understand the Estate Tax?

Click here to listen to my latest interviews with Chuck Collins. You can follow him at www.inequality.org.

Love to hear your feedback.

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How to Read Body Language to Negotiate Effectively

“The better you read body language, the better you’ll be at understanding someone’s mind.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert.

 

“How To Read Body Language To Negotiate More Effectively”

When you negotiate do you know how to read body language? When you read body language, do you know what to observe?

The following are some examples of body language signs you can observe to negotiate more effectively.

  1. Forehead Wrinkles – When someone displays a wrinkled forehead (unnatural wrinkles) it’s a sign of stress. Thus, the absence of wrinkles is a sign of calm and easygoingness.
  2. Eyes (wide opened versus closed and narrow) – Wide-eyes indicate someone’s attentiveness, interest, and open-mindedness. A narrowing of the eyes signals a higher degree of focus on the subject, which is usually accompanied with a furled brow/forehead.
  3. Smile – A genuine smile is denoted by turned up corners of the lips.
  4. Hand movements – Hand movements give insight into the mental thoughts you’re experiencing at the moment the hand gestures are made. Thus, open hand gestures are usually displayed when someone is not fearful. When hand gestures become closed (i.e. kept close to the body, rubbing each other, rubbing other parts of the body), that’s more of a mental display of being guarded, anxious, and/or cautious. When you see such actions in others, take note of what might have brought about a change from open to close. In situations in which you seek to impress others, keep hand gestures more in an open mode and don’t make gestures that might be perceived as manic, indecisive, and/or not in rhythm with the words you speak. Doing so will detract subliminally from your likeability and persuasiveness.
  5. Feet – When the feet of two people engaged in a conversation are facing one another, the individuals are mentally engaged in their conversation. When one person turns a foot away, that’s usually the point at which that individual has mentally begun to disengage in the conversation and soon they’ll exit it in that direction.
  6. Touching – The degree you touch someone and where you touch them conveys a sense of familiarity. Thus, you should be mindful of what someone might perceive as too much familiarity per you touching them too much. To gain insight as to whether you’re touching too much, take note to what degree the person you’re touching flinches and/or slightly pulls away/back when you touch them. That’s a nonverbal sign that you may have overstepped a boundary. Pay very close attention to such feedback. It will be the gauge from which you’ll gain insight per how well you’re being received.
  7. Voice Inflection – Since 80% and more of your message is conveyed nonverbally, take note of how your words can possess different meanings based on the way you announce them. Thus, note the inflection and tonality you convey with them. Ending a sentence on a high note can turn a statement into a question, which could make you appear less authoritative than what you intended.

 All of the above body language and nonverbal gestures impact the perception of the words you use to represent your thoughts. Thus, the meaning of your words can be altered by the body language signals that accompany them. As such, you should be very mindful of the signals you send to make your body language work for you and not against you … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

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Growth News and Politics Personal Development

Words Can Kill… and Do

Recently, 20-year old Michelle Carter has been found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to 2 ½ years in prison. This is an unprecedented case in that Carter sent texts to her friend, Conrad Roy III, telling him to kill himself. Roy, who was 18, rigged a generator to his pickup truck, jumped in the vehicle and died of carbon monoxide poisoning. The fatal incident occurred in 2014 in Massachusetts. There has never been a case of manslaughter where words alone caused someone’s death.

Michelle Carter received the sentence which includes the stipulation that she spend at least 15 months in prison. The judgment was immediately stayed to determine how to handle a case like this.

It is unusual since words were actually the killer of the depressed boy. While Roy was in the car he was texting Carter, who sent numerous taunting texts about “just do it.” Some of the things she sent to him were:

“The time is right and you are ready…”

            “You can’t think about it. You just have to do it. You said you were gonna do it. Like I don’t get why you aren’t.”

At one point Roy ran out of the car to get some air. Carter texted him to “get back in” his truck, which he did.  Consequently, Roy died of carbon monoxide poisoning. Juvenile Court Judge Lawrence Moniz found that the texts “constituted wanton and reckless conduct.”

I wrote about this exact subject, “Words Can Kill” in my book “Who’s Changing the Meaning?”  Here is an excerpt:

“Words are powerful. They can set our mood, change our beliefs, determine our actions and motivate or cripple our life. A positive comment from someone can lift our spirits and have us soaring throughout the day. Conversely, a negative comment can depress us facing the day with a bad attitude. That’s how powerful words are. Or should I say that’s how powerful we allow words to be. 

Words can kill. They can affect our health. Studies have shown that words have a biochemical effect on us. The medical field recognizes that the healing system is tied to the belief system. The best example is when a person seeks treatment for an ailment and the diagnosis is bad. Time and again the person will get worse once they find out the cause of their illness. They had the illness before the news but once they hear the diagnosis, they start to act the way patients with that illness act.

 It doesn’t have to be that way. People can say what they want and usually do. We can’t stop others from saying negative things about us or telling us how to act, but we do have the choice on how to handle those words. We decide how we are going to let the words alter who we are and what we do. We have the ability to control how it affects us. We don’t agree with their words so why would we give weight to them. Instead of letting the words hurt us, we let them go. 

Ignoring something that is said about us or to us can be difficult to do. Yet it is such an effective way to live. If an individual says something bad about us and we ignore it the person has failed to achieve their intent. We need to realize that if someone speaks out against us that is their right; freedom of speech baby. The insult is not where our focus should be. Our focus is to remember that we don’t care what they think. If someone is belligerent enough to talk bad about us, why would we value their opinion!”

Teens, in particular, are deeply affected by what others say about them. They take in the words and allow them to live inside. They need to realize, as we all do, that words do not control us. We control the words and what we do with them.

I don’t know what the outcome of Michelle Carter’s appeal will be. We need to remember that we have the choice on how words will affect us. The power of words can be diffused by us. We take over the power by deciding to discard the words and move on. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me is not true. They can if we let them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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HRH Princess Lamia: Saudi Women Have More Rights Than They Realize

HRH Princess Lamia: Saudi Women have More Rights Than They Realize

BY: NICOLE SAWYER

ALWALEED PHILANTHROPIES

HRH Princess Lamia Al Saud is the Secretary General and member of the Board of Trustees at Alwaleed Philanthropies.

In a deeply conservative culture, the women of Saudi Arabia are as mysterious to outsiders as the veils which mask their faces. Who are these women? What inspires them? What is life like behind the veil? Are they as confined as the lens of mainstream media so often portrays, or are they bold, beautiful, empowered women who are completely misunderstood?

Recently, a young Saudi woman named Khulood, was detained after a controversial video went viral, depicting her wearing a miniskirt, walking around the conservative Najd region.

The model’s snapchat post sparked outrage across the Islamic kingdom and mass opinion was clearly divided; some traditionalists calling for her arrest, others jumping to defend her bravery.

I had the rare chance to sit down with a lead reformer on women’s rights in Saudi Arabia, Her Royal Highness Princess Lamia Al Saud, granddaughter of King Saud bin Abdulaziz Al Saud. We discussed the evolving role of women in Saudi Arabia.

The West views Saudi women as oppressed because they are segregated from men in public, banned from driving cars, and prevented from leaving the house without permission from their male guardians, but Princess Lamia tells a different story.

“These women are warriors. I believe the Saudi women is most powerful women on earth because she is really, really, really strong and she believes in herself and she knows her capability. They’re very stubborn and they know exactly what they want,” she said.

Princess Lamia explained how it’s not technically “against the law” for women to drive or socialize with men in public that are not related to them, rather these rules follow “tribal ethics and deep-rooted religious beliefs” that have been in place for centuries.

For the purpose of progress, she says people shouldn’t judge what they don’t fully understand.

“You have to accept the other as is, even if you don’t agree,” said Princess Lamia.

“You have to understand their culture, their tradition before you judge, before you say whether there is a violation, whether it is right or wrong. This is what we depend on to create understanding and tolerance,” explained the princess who serves as secretary-general at Alwaleed Philanthropies, the charitable organization where Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, one of the world’s richest people, pledged to donate his entire $32 billion fortune towards initiatives to combat disease, poverty and the empowerment of women.

ALWALEED PHILANTHROPIES

Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, one of the world’s richest people, pledges to donate his entire $32 billion fortune towards initiatives to combat disease, poverty and empower women.

Prince Alwaleed is an advocate of female freedom in the Saudi peninsula and financed the training for the first female commercial airline pilot, Hanadi Zakaria al Hindi. He said at her graduation that he is “in full support of Saudi ladies working in all fields.”

Hanadi Zakaria al Hindi, First Saudi Female Pilot Breaks Glass Ceiling for Other Women

Princess Lamia applauds her young country of 85-years for making efforts to create an environment conducive to working women. “50 years ago, Riyadh was a small village and women didn’t have that much of an opportunity or even the awareness of the role in the community,” she said.

Today, the Saudi government is taking steps to inspire women to enter the workforce as it seeks to be more economically dynamic and aligned with the developed world.

In the past decade, tens of thousands of Saudi women have studied abroad through government scholarship programs. King Abdullah appointed 30 women to the country’s top advisory body, the Shura Council and granted women the right to vote in 2015.

Still, Princess Lamia doesn’t agree with all the rules enforced by the religious establishment, she’d like to see the guardian law regulated and more ladies in leadership roles.

She and a team of ten women who make up the board of trustees for Alwaleed Philanthropies are working to empower thousands of women by giving them career training and educating them about their legal rights through the Wa’iyah Initiative.

They hope to create a model that can serve as a roadmap for others to encourage tolerance and openness for women’s rights.

ALWALEED PHILANTHROPIES

Princess Lamia and ten women make up the board of trustees for Alwaleed Philanthropies.

“Even me as a secretary general when we first started this initiative, I was very excited, I was scared and shocked. I didn’t know many of my rights as a woman and a Saudi citizen,” Princess Lamia said.

“Through Wa’iyah, we’re trying to create awareness and make the women understand their rights. We have a lot of rights that they do not understand. Of course, you heard in the media about guardianship. Well it’s true we do have a problem with that. There’s a lot of girls that suffer which I would never deny. But you cannot fix it or even fight it. You have to understand, you have a legal and religious way to convince the society here. The old generation says the guardian, your father your brother is your protector, he is not abusing you,” Princess Lamia explained.

“That’s what makes our work harder. You’re not only working with general society beliefs, no it’s more deeper and more stronger, we are going to the roots. You need to know how to crack it,” she said.

“I would never ever want to be apart from my family, or not having the blessing of my father or brother. Even you, I don’t think any person in the world would not love to have the blessing of their family. But I would say [The guardian law] it needs a guideline, it needs a rule, where to stop. Where’s it’s okay and where it’s not ok.”

It’s human nature to fear what we don’t understand. But as Saudi Arabia works towards change in their country, never before has it been so important for Westerners to be open minded.

The princess shared her views on how far her 85-year old country has come regarding women’s role in society, the Trump administration’s travel ban, the refugee crisis and much more.