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Day: February 3, 2023

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Growth

Heartfelt Gratitude for You – My Wish for Parents Everywhere in 2023

I’m writing today to say how deeply grateful I am for you.

Thank you for your daily commitment to becoming the parent or caregiver you want to be.

Thank you for having the courage to look at how your own beliefs and behaviors may be affecting your relationship with your child.

Thank you for the vulnerable way you’ve shared both victories and struggles with your community of fellow parents.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of your journey.

Happy New Year: those words have never sounded sweeter!

Today, we get 365 brand new days to build the lives we want for ourselves and for our families. The joy that comes from being a conscious parent isn’t just a right, it’s a responsibility. And the transformation that happens, both for parents and for children, truly has the power to change the world.

I wish you health and happiness, today and for the entire year. Let’s see what adventures 2023 has in store!

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

  • PS: I want to help you start 2023 on the Conscious Parenting path. So now through Jan 1st, I’m offering 70% off my Ultimate Parenting Toolbox. No matter where you are in your Conscious parenting journey, I admire and applaud you. Use our “HOLIDAY” code to get this incredible offer and set up your new year amplifying your parenting wins!
Categories
Growth

Parenting Rage is Real—Here’s How to Manage It

Can you relate to this scenario?

You wake up and spend 30 minutes coaxing your kid to get dressed for school while you rush to get ready for work.

They fight with you over what they want to wear, insisting on the same blue shirt they’ve worn every day this week.

You finally make it to the kitchen table for breakfast, only to have them refuse to take a single bite of food.

You try hard to keep your voice from rising, asking them nicely over and over again to please eat their breakfast.

“Eww, Mom, the yolk’s too runny.”

Snap.

You’re not sure if this anger has been bubbling up inside you for a while now or if you just woke up extra irritable today. But something inside you has broken in two.

Your heart pounds and your hands shake as you let out a desperate yell in response:

“FINE, GO AHEAD AND STARVE!”

Alas, parenting rage has reared its ugly head.

Parenting Rage Is Real

What you’re experiencing is legitimate—and more common than you think.

Rage is the uncontrollable, monstrous sibling of anger. It’s an emotion we’re all prone to feeling—whether or not we like to admit it.

No one wants to be the scary mom shoving her cart down a grocery store aisle with a crying kid behind her. But when we feel rage, our families often bear the brunt of it.

As parents and caregivers, it’s our job to provide a safe and loving environment for our kids—not traumatize them with our uncontrollable meltdowns. And yet, we’re imperfect human beings who get tired and stressed and lose our tempers once in a while.

So, what now?

Managing the Fury You Feel

The good news is that parents and caregivers can take proactive steps to manage the fury we sometimes feel. Here are a few places to start:

Ask yourself, “what’s my unmet need?”

When we experience escalated feelings of stress, sadness, or anger, it’s because an unmet need has been continuously ignored or violated. It’s impossible to take care of your family’s needs when you yourself are drawing from an empty tank.

In the case of parental rage, sit with yourself for a moment and ask yourself what you really need. Are you stressed about work? Sleep deprived? Frustrated with your marriage? Perhaps you need your co-parent to step up and help out more with the kids.

Be aware of your triggers.

What behaviors send you careening over the edge? I suggest keeping a trigger journal to observe words or actions that set you into a rage.

If you notice that back talk always gets your temper flaring, do some inner work to find out why. Is there something from your own childhood that makes you react so strongly to your kids having a different opinion from you?

Being aware of our triggers helps us deal with the negative emotions associated with them—and hopefully react better next time we find ourselves in a triggering situation.

Forgive yourself.

Yelling at your kid doesn’t make you a bad parent. It just means you’re human. Forgive yourself for the times you’ve lost your temper—and let your child know how sorry you are for your outburst. Move forward and commit to doing better next time.

Parenting rage may be real, but so is our love for our children. When we work on our own issues, we can learn to respond with gentleness and compassion instead of anger.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. If your rage has become unmanageable, please don’t hesitate to ask a professional for help. There’s no shame in needing additional support. The Conscious Parenting Revolution also has a network of supportive parents

Categories
Growth Leadership

Invest in Training that Gets Results, Not Training that is Frivolous

Two young entrepreneurs or businesspeople are working together to brainstorming analyze investment data in documents and laptops.in planning the company's profitability and dealing with the recession

Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference. Let’s take a look at two professional trainers. Let’s call them Joan and Jack.

How Joan and Jack Are Similar

Both Joan and Jack are energetic trainers who get their audiences laughing. They will both do whatever it takes – using props or quacking or asking trainees to do silly things – to illustrate a concept or get everyone engaged. And when trainees leave at the end of the day, they feel energized and happy.

How Joan and Jack Are Different

A few weeks after training is over, the performance of the people who trained with Joan has really improved. The performance of the people who trained with Jack hasn’t changed at all. They went back to “business as usual” the moment training was over.

In other words, Jack’s training is frivolous. Joan’s isn’t, because it gets results.

How to Avoid Wasting Money on Frivolous Training 

  • Define outcomes and make sure your trainer can reach them.Do you want your salespeople to contact 25% more new prospects? Do you want the people who deliver and install appliances for your store to give true “white glove” treatment to customers? Or do you want your hotel front-desk staff to delight guests with exceptional service? Your trainer should explain his or her plans to break those processes down into individual steps and address them directly through training.

 

  • Help your trainer know who your trainees are.A good trainer will want to know about their ages, prior experience, educational level, current jobs, and all other factors that can be leveraged to engage them more fully in training. A concerned trainer will also want to be aware of any factors that might cause them not to engage.

 

  • Work with your trainer to develop meaningful metrics.If you work together to define what you will measure after training is completed, chances are good that your training will accomplish much more, because its goals are well defined.

 

  • Monitor sessions and make sure that training stays on track. If you are a company training director or a member of senior management, you might not want to attend sessions, because your presence could put a damper on trainees’ ability to relax and learn. If that is the case, ask a few trainees to check in with you at lunchtime or other breakpoints to tell you whether the trainer is hitting the benchmarks you created. If not, a quick check-in with the trainer can often get things back on track and avoid wasting time and money.

 

It’s All About Getting Your Money’s Worth and Getting Results 

If you are a training director who wants to record serious results from serious training, it’s important to work closely with professional trainers who don’t only entertain, but educate. That’s the difference between training that’s frivolous and training that offers a good ROI on your investment.

Categories
Best Practices Growth Health and Wellness Leadership Personal Development

Feeling anxious? This Can Help.

Remember your child as a baby? When they accidentally hit their head on the side of the crib or get startled awake by a loud noise? Seconds tick by slowly as you wait for the sound of that gulp for air — usually followed by a piercing cry.

Breathing: it’s probably the most hard-wired, involuntary function we do as human beings. Every creature, great or small, breathes. Breathing gives us life, and we don’t even have to think about doing it — you inhale and exhale as reflexively as your heart beats in your chest.

But despite the fact that breath keeps us alive, we tend to take it for granted.

The Harvard Business Review and the Yale News both recently conducted studies revealing the effectiveness of SKY Breath Meditation, a breathing modality that engages the parasympathetic nervous system — the part of your brain that controls rational thinking, gives you a sense of calm and provides balance in stressful situations. Participants in both studies reported a better sense of well-being and mental health after just two days of practicing the methods.

As someone who has been trained in SKY Breath Meditation for 10 years, I can attest that breath does so much more than supply your body with oxygen. The way you breathe can have a big influence on how you feel and experience the world.

If you’ve been stressed, depressed, or overwhelmed — by current events, the holiday season, or your kid’s insistence on listening to “Baby Shark” on repeat — you’re not alone.

Here are some tips to help you literally catch a breather (share them with your child too!):

  • Deeper inhales and longer exhales. What happens when your child cries? Their breaths turn to hiccups. The same thing happens when we feel stressed or sad. When you start breathing rapidly, consciously focus on taking deep inhales and long exhales. Count to 4 for inhales, 8 for exhales (or as close as you can comfortably get). The fog in your brain will clear up in seconds.
  • Do some quick, light stretching. Pressured by deadlines at work and the mounting pile of laundry at home? Take 5 minutes for a quick stretch break. Full-body activities like a yoga sun salutation get your blood flowing with good oxygen and help relieve stress.
  • Carve out time for meditation. Ten minutes is ample time for you to feel the positive effects of your breathing/meditation practice. Don’t have 10 minutes? Take 2 minutes, if that’s what you have. Find a quiet spot to sit in and breathe deeply. Check out our work with America Meditates by Art of Living.

Learning to control your breath can help rid your body of stress and flood you with positive energy. Not only will you feel more in control of yourself, but you’re also providing an excellent model for your children about the importance of self-care.

Supportive breathing is just one technique for becoming the parent you want to be. If you’re interested in true parenting transformation check out the 90 Day Parenting Reset Program.

Love and Blessings,
Katherine

PS To start 2023, we’re offering you 70% off of ANY of our supplemental parenting tools! That includes the Ultimate Parenting Toolbox, Applying Solutions Mini Course, and our Conscious Parenting Kickstart! Just go to our Conscious Parenting Revolution site and use the code TAKE ACTION at checkout. I’m so excited to dive deeper into this journey with you!

Categories
Growth

Mom Shaming – How To Deal With People Who Criticize Your Parenting

When you’re trying to do the best job you can to parent, you’ll soon realize that everyone thinks they’re an expert on how you should look after your child. This can relate to a child of any age from a few months to a teenager or young adult. Don’t let the mom-shaming affect your confidence to know you are doing what’s best for your child.

It’s not just a case of ‘mommy knows best’ everyone from the neighbor to your best friend will be there to offer advice, invited or not, which ultimately is defined at times as a form of mom-shaming.

Here are some comments you may be familiar with:

  • Don’t you think they’re getting a bit hot with all those layers on?
  • Do you think he/she is hungry again? You only just finished a feed.
  • Don’t keep picking him/her up, they’ll get too clingy.
  • Don’t keep putting him/her down, they’ll feel you aren’t there for them.
  • If you don’t teach your child to sleep/ have respect/ discipline/ eat in a cycle, they’ll never learn.
  • I can’t believe you let him/her talk to you that way.
  • I think a good slap is what she/he needs.

I bet your head is spinning with all the criticism! How do you deal with all this ‘advice’ everyone is so kind as to give you so freely?

Guidance parenting is all about looking after your child with no reward and punishment. It’s about having an equal relationship with your child. And as a result, a lot of people cannot grasp the concept of how this works.

Sending your kids to the naughty corner or withholding privileges to enforce behavior is unfortunately still very much the norm for many parents. So first of all, well done for stepping out into the brave new world.

When you choose to do things differently, you can become defensive. And they can too. After all, the crux of your parenting style is you are raising emotionally healthy kids. Which suggests to them they aren’t. There is going to be some conflict.

The problem is, the winner of this argument is going to be a long time coming. Children take a lifetime to raise. So how can you demonstrate at that moment, your way is better? At that moment, your child may be arguing and whining, while your friend’s kid stops complaining of the count of four. You can’t fast forward and demonstrate in that instant, your child will be a much more adjusted teenager!

And there is no doubt when threatened with punishment, that child will ‘do as their told’ a lot faster than yours as you try to work through what could be causing the upset.

Added to this is when someone questions how you parent, you begin to ask yourself. The majority of us were brought up on reward and punishment. So could you actually be accidentally spoiling your kid without realizing it?

When you feel the fear, remember that there have now been decades of research proving that while kids need guidance, they take ownership of their limits when they feel safe.

The first option is you never complain about what someone says to you. And you never explain. You can tell them: “Yes, parenting can be tough, can’t it?” However, know in your heart you are making the right decision with your approach.

What you can do to calm the situation…

If there is an ongoing ‘incident’ you are trying to handle, there are several ways you can deal with it.

It may be your child has had a confrontation with another kid. The other family is expecting ‘a punishment.’ However, that is not what you do. You can help your child make it right by apologizing for them while still physically in contact.

Don’t punish your child and instead take them aside so you can find out exactly what went on. Empathize with the difficulty of the situation and see how your child feels. The repair is so much more effective in this instance than a punishment.

To alleviate a ‘situation’ happening, you can have a chat with your kids before they go to a social gathering. You can set limits but do it in a kind and funny way.

Some guidelines you can give them are:

  • Look after smaller children
  • Stay in the sights of adults and if someone calls, go to them
  • Everyone needs to have a fair turn
  • You can disagree but always show understanding and be kind

And if your child does have a meltdown, take them away. In a social situation, especially when there is candy, cake, and a ton of other stimulants, things can get fraught. For your child to feel safe, they have to be on their own. Just explain your kid needs some alone time with you.

How Can You Respond to Criticism of Your Parenting?

There will be the inevitable questions on how you explain your guidance parenting technique. Try connecting with your friend or relative and tell you both love your children. Then you can explain your approach and say it’s rooted in recent research, which means different methods can be much more beneficial.

Remember, if you asked for help, it might be that you didn’t like the answer you got. Always clarify what you need and ask for their support of your decision. And if you ask for advice, remember you need to be vulnerable in receiving it.

Other Responses:

“I never thought about it like that”

Be careful not to deliver this with too much sarcasm as it could get taken the wrong way! You can respond: “Thanks so much for that. I never realized if I just put my kid in the time-out that would completely change the way they respond to me.”

“How would you like to look after my kids?”

This is not meant to be delivered with sarcasm, instead of as a joke. However, no one knows what it’s like to look after your children unless they look after your children. Then their advice may be very different.

The Smile And Wave Approach

Yes, you can flash them a polite teeth clenched smile. Look like you are really taking their wisdom to heart. It may be hard, but it will save an argument!

“They’re Just Having a Bad Day”

This is a bit of a failsafe response when you are too tired, too busy to explain why you are doing something a certain way. As parents, we are comfortable in our own ability to deal with a situation. It’s easier to respond with this than enter into a full-blown discussion. However, I recommend you do this out of earshot of your child. You are trying to encourage them to explain to you what is triggering their external reaction internally.

“This is How I do it”

You can explain why you’re asking your child to respond to you and explain why they are screaming/ crying/ refusing to do something. That would are an advocate of guidance parenting. However, be prepared for the deliverer of the pearls of wisdom. If they are unfamiliar with the technique, to be perplexed/ confused by your reasoning. Then still yourself for them to ‘set you right!’

There will never be a right or wrong answer for how to parent – unfortunately, there’s no guidebook every child comes with. So when someone believes their approach is better, that could be true for them and their family dynamic. Take a deep breath and know you’re doing what’s best for you and yours.

 

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

PS: For more information on guidance parenting, check out freeparentingbook.com to download my Amazon Best Seller!

Categories
Growth

Why What Happened in Your Past Affects Your Ability to Parent Now

We’ve all seen the meme, ‘I opened my mouth …and my mother came out.’ But how many times does your child open their mouth, and YOU come out? As a parent, when these meme’s become our reality, we want it to be for the right reasons.

I’m sure you recognize those little phrases and expressions that your child does, which imitate yours. You are your child’s first teacher – just as your parents were yours. Your past and your childhood affect the choices and decisions you make now as a parent. You decide what practices to repeat and what not to repeat, with your children.

Kids are observers of people, and just as they observe peers and teachers. They observe us as parents and learn good and bad habits from us. If you express gratitude regularly in front of your children, they are more likely to be grateful. However, if your kids see you as a parent being disrespectful, they will learn that discounting others is OK. It’s easy to assume everything your kids do is somehow related to what you do.

However, this way of thinking can discount your child’s individuality, as well as the negative influence of peers and our broader culture.

Did you know what influenced your childhood, can profoundly change your parenting style?

As parents, we often recreate what we experienced when we were growing up.

For example, you decide to take your toddler out to have a splash around in puddles. Why? Because this activity is something special, you remember enjoying participating in it with your mom or dad. Equally, some parents may well try to do the opposite of what their parents did.

For instance, you may never insist that your child play a sport because your parent forced you to do so against your will. So it’s something associated with negative feelings. You don’t want to pass that on to your child.

Being conscious of your own childhood experiences can help you become more aware of the meaning behind your reactions toward your child.

Consider:

What was the message you received as a child from your parents – about your intelligence, ability, importance, value?

Do you think these messages influence your parenting today?

Do you feel your parents had a positive impact on you in ways that you would like to with your child?

What was it in your parents’ approach to raising you that you don’t want to recreate with your child?

What – if any – were the significant events or experiences growing up that had an impact on you?

Examples of this would be the loss of a loved one, parental separation or divorce, significant tension between parents, financial insecurity, parental mental health issues, or parental substance abuse. How is it impacting your parenting?

How to make the change:

You can’t look to change your childhood and who you are, but you can look to improve HOW you are – as a conscious parent.

This is where you can implement a set of guidelines to steer your parenting away from repeating the mistakes of your parents.

  1. Don’t bad-mouth the other parent, and leave your children out of your arguments.
  2. Realize the world has changed since you were a kid.
  3. Don’t compare your child to other kids, especially their siblings. No child likes to hear ‘Why can’t you be more like so and so?’
  4. Be mindful of your fears, and try not to instill your fears into your children.
  5. Constant nitpicking and disapproval can stay with children.

They are programmed to seek your approval, and a cycle of not appreciating them creates a negative feedback loop.

  1. Be honest. 

Don’t lie to save their feelings, but look for an age-appropriate way to explain where you met may have gone, for instance. If you are honest with your children it can help change their behaviors. And it can also repair problems that have occurred because of your parenting mistakes. You don’t need to put on the facade of being the perfect mom or dad.

  1. Don’t threaten to leave your kids behind as a punishment.

Even if you become frustrated or angry. Don’t be tempted to try this tack. The threat of abandonment is profound for your child.

One of the essential things in a child’s development, especially in the early years, is the bond formed with their parents or caregivers.

This is something Dr. L. Alan Sroufe, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Minnesota’s Institute of Child Development, agrees with.

She says making the threat of abandonment, even in what could be a lighthearted way, can shake the foundation of security and well being you are giving your child.

According to Sroufe, when you say things like, “I’m just going to leave you here,” your child can think you will not be there to protect and care for them. The thought you could leave them alone in a strange place is frightening. It can begin to erode their attachment to you as the secure base from which they can encounter the world.

  1. Don’t go for one-size-fits-all parenting.

Dr. David Elkind, is a Professor Emeritus at Tufts University, and a development expert.

He says: “The same boiling water that hardens the egg softens the carrot … The same parental behavior can have different effects depending on the personality of the child.”

  1. Own your bad behavior.

Children are like sponges. They absorb everything around them. But this means they can mirror both good and bad actions.

Modeling the behavior you want from your child is one of the best things you can do. What you do has a much more significant impact than what you say to your child they should do.

Did you know the children of smokers are twice as likely to smoke as the kids of non-smoking parents? The best way to get your kids to eat their broccoli? Eat it enthusiastically yourself, and make it delicious for your kids.

Children detect falseness a mile away, so believing in what you’re doing is an integral part of leading by example.

  1. Acknowledge what your child is feeling, rather than dismiss it.

Many parents make the mistake of telling their children they are experiencing a feeling they are not. However, they are more likely to say to them they aren’t feeling what they are feeling. The result of this creates a feeling of distress and confusion.

For example, before your children go to school for the first time, they may be feeling scared. Rather than brushing it off as being silly, you can consciously acknowledge your child’s feelings.

You can say: “I know you’re scared, but I’m going to come with you. We’ll meet your new teachers and your classmates together, and I’ll stay with you until you’re not scared anymore. Sometimes excitement feels a lot like being scared. Do you think you are also excited?”

Embrace the truth and help your child work through the confusing feelings. It will be much better for their health over the long term.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

PS: Don’t forget to download my free guide to conscious parenting, 7 Strategies To Keep Your Relationship With Your Kids From Hitting The Boiling Point, at freeparentingbook.com

Categories
Body Language Entrepreneurship Growth

Big Life Changes & How to Support Your Child

Dear Katherine,

Our second baby was born only a few weeks before the pandemic began.

I know my older son loves his baby brother, but I’m fearful that in addition to dealing with the huge adjustment of having a baby in the house, he associates his brother’s arrival with the negativity of the pandemic.

My son is a strong-willed, opinionated child, and these events have understandably been stressful for him.

How can I be there for him and help him separate these two big life changes?

Sincerely,

Bad Timing

Bad Timing, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like your older son has a lot on his plate right now. I commend you for taking a step back to empathize with him during what must be a challenging time for your whole family.

When you have more than one child, you open up a new world of twice the joy. . . and twice the challenges. As supportive parents, all we want is for our children to get along, but older kids can have a difficult time adjusting to sharing attention and affection with a new sibling. This adjustment period is perfectly normal, and in your case it’s compounded by a couple of other factors.

First, your older son is a strong-willed, autonomous child. Autonomous children, by nature, are at high risk of attracting their parents’ disapproval. When your son acts out, he solicits negative attention, which can make him feel like you’re favoring his younger brother over him. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

To make matters even worse, your older son’s whole world was upended by the pandemic shortly after his baby brother came home. In addition to adjusting to the normal shifts in routine brought about by having a new baby around, he also had to adjust to the stress of COVID-19.

So, how can you solve these problems together?

The first step is to recognize the unmet need that is causing this tension inside your older son. You said he loves his brother, which is wonderful, but he probably still needs reassurance that his parents love him just the same even though there’s a new baby at home.

Once you can help him understand that he didn’t lose anything when he gained a brother, he’ll have an easier time viewing the situation in a positive light and separating it from the negativity of the pandemic.

Here are some parenting tips that can help you support him during this adjustment period:

  • Schedule one-on-one time. Setting aside dedicated time for your older son is critical for his self-esteem right now. Your son probably fears that his little brother will overshadow him. Making a point to have time for just the two of you will assure him that you have enough love and affection to go around.
  • Explain the candle metaphor. It’s hard to explain the love you have for your children in terms that they can understand: that you love them both equally, even though they’re completely different people. One clever way to illustrate the unlimited space in your heart is to show your son a lit candle. Use the lit candle to light a new candle. Explain how both flames are equally bright, and that the first one didn’t lose any of its brightness when the second one lit up.
  • Be more communicative. I know that you’re busy, especially with a new baby to take care of. There are times, I’m sure, when you can’t schedule that one-on-one time that your son needs. When it’s hard to squeeze in time for the two of you, tell him how excited you are for your next one-on-one. This verbal reminder will boost his self-worth and assure him of just how much you love him

Bad Timing, you can be grateful that your strong-willed son is letting you know that he needs some reassurance right now. His willingness to express his negative emotions signals that your relationship is already strong.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

PS Don’t forget, to start 2023, we’re offering you 70% off of ANY of our supplemental parenting tools! That includes the Ultimate Parenting Toolbox, Applying Solutions Mini Course, and our Conscious Parenting Kickstart! Just go to our Conscious Parenting Revolution site and use the code TAKE ACTION at checkout. I’m so excited to dive deeper into this journey with you!

Categories
Growth Leadership

Building Mental Strength from The Inside Out

Whenever the word strength is included in conversations, the first thing that comes to mind is usually your physical strength, how well you can perform labor-intensive activities or challenges. However, strength is not limited to just the physical aspect of one person. One could also exhibit strength either mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

This article will discuss mental strength: what it is, how you cultivate it, exercises you can do to foster it, and many more! So, stay tuned until the end because this will be another worthwhile discussion.

Defining Mental Strength

You can say that to have mental strength means to be mentally tough. We talked to several athletes, and they said that mental toughness is the voice at the back of their minds that tells them to keep going, especially when they start to lose steam approaching the final stretch, miles, reps, or seconds of competition. We also talked to non-athletes, and according to them, mental toughness is that “force” within that encourages them to persevere. Despite life’s challenges, mental toughness is the fuel that propels them to face these obstacles head-on. No matter what life throws at them, they cling on to the possibility that someday, everything will be better.

Mental toughness is the capacity to overcome obstacles or handle life’s inevitable stresses without suffering unfavorably. Obstacles can refer to expected difficulties, such as a promotion or certification examinations, or unforeseen occurrences, like illness or accidents. People that are resilient maintain their composure under stress and can handle any situation.

While mentally tough people appear composed in the face of challenges, mental toughness is more than just being calm. Increased longevity, happiness, greater mental health, and even life satisfaction has all been related to resilience. Being resilient also makes you more willing to lend a hand to others and makes it simpler for you to follow your interests, purpose, and meaningful life.

The great thing about mental strength is that, just like any other skill, you can learn this. People of all ages, personality types, and dispositions can develop resilience—and thus mental strength—to cope with stress better and even grow to be better people.

Factors that affect one’s mental strength

Our ability to remain mentally tough might be negatively impacted by both psychological and physical issues. For example, unmanaged, long-term stress wears down the body and mind. As business owners or leaders, when we are faced with an obstacle, and we think we don’t have the emotional or physical resources to overcome them, we easily feel overwhelmed.

Our mental toughness may also be impacted by our lifestyle decisions. Resilience and sleep quality are inversely correlated—when people have enough sleep, they tend to have better resilience. This reveals the connection between the brain and body in terms of mental toughness.

What we eat also affects our mental strength. Those with bad eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle tend to be easily overwhelmed and thus have low resilience. The same people, when placed under stress, tend to spend more time sitting and eating junk food.

Too much of everything is also detrimental to your mental strength. While training your mind to be tougher is beneficial, too much of it can also easily lead to fatigue and easily depletes both your mental and physical self. So, the key is to find the perfect balance between training and taking it easy.

Exercises that can help develop mental strength

We discovered over the years that continuously working on enhancing your mental toughness and resilience is the most effective strategy to manage anxiety. You’ll eventually learn to face—and even welcome—certain types of challenges not because you’re looking for problems but because each obstacle represents an opportunity for learning and a chance to get fresh insights.

Here are the daily activities you can try to increase your mental toughness and resilience:

Look on the brighter side

Start your day by making a list of all the uncertain situations you may be caught in—it could be an unannounced assessment at work, it could be a health-related issue, or it could be about family—whatever it is, write it down.

Then think about the best outcome for the scenarios that you wrote. The best one you could imagine.

Before you say, “Isn’t this going to put my expectations so high only to be disappointed later on?” know that we understand. But the point of this exercise is to train your mind to be positive because this helps open ideas for what more you can do to create that outcome of your dreams.

Convert your anxiety into something productive

Being anxious is not always a bad thing. It’s an evolutionary need to “worry” a bit because that’s part of our self-preservation. We worry because we want to survive. The key is to acknowledge that we’re worried about something and then find out what we can do to worry less.

When we’re anxious, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by various emotions, and we cannot function well. For example, when we’re angry, our attention is easily distracted. When we feel fear, we lose focus. When we’re sad, we lose motivation. When we’re worried, we lose sight of our goals and procrastinate. And so on.

Acknowledging what we’re anxious about helps in processing these emotions and bring us back to the neutral zone.

Try something out of the routine

What is great about this era is that information is everywhere. You can just open your browser, and voila, you can already join an online class.

The point is that “forcing” your body and mind to try something you have never done before can do wonders. It doesn’t have to be a workout or difficult; it can be something that is only slightly over your skill level or outside of your comfort zone.

Seek help

The journey towards developing your mental strength should not be made alone. You should learn to ask for assistance, get in touch with friends and family, and actively foster helpful, encouraging interactions.

Building a great support system is a challenge, but if you wish to attain mental strength, this is crucial. Attaining mental strength is a tough mission, and you will need all the help you can get in times of enormous stress.

Find solace by reaching out to others.

Overcome the feelings of O.P.A. by seeking out help. O.P.A. is when you become so overwhelmed that you become paralyzed and ultimately avoid doing anything. Hiring a professional or life coach can go a long way in providing a release. By voicing your concerns out loud to a coach or mentor can offer insight into finding solutions, or just getting out of your head…to focus on what is important.

Conclusion

Mental strength, just like physical toughness, is an important aspect of your life that you should pay attention to daily. Without it, you can easily succumb to anxiety, get overwhelmed by emotions, and become demotivated when your expectations are not met. To learn more about mental strength and other business insights, check out the blog list at MarketAtomy.com.

Danna Olivo is a Growth Strategist, Author, and Public Speaker. As CEO of MarketAtomy LLC, her passion is working with first-stage business owners to ensure that they are prepared and equipped to launch and grow a successful small business. She understands the intricacies involved early on in business formation and as such the challenges that come with it. A graduate of the University of Central Florida’s College of Business, Danna brings more than 40 years of experience strategically working with small and medium businesses, helping them reach their growth goals. danna.olivo@marketatomy.com

Categories
Growth Personal Development Skills

How Do You Cope with A Hyperactive Child

As every parent of a hyperactive child knows, no two days are the same. While we love our lively offspring with all our hearts, some days make your heart sing, while others can have you on your knees.

Knowing how to minimize meltdowns and misunderstandings comes with experience, but with the guidance parenting technique, you can incorporate tips into your family life that will not only sow the seeds for harmony but help you all flourish.

Many children with attention deficit disorder (ADD) and/or a hyperactive personality can be impulsive, restless, and find it hard to focus. They can also have mood swings and jump from one thing to another. This can have the knock-on effect of them finding it difficult in several situations:

  • Following instructions
  • Focusing on schoolwork
  • Completing tasks
  • Being organized
  • Social interaction

But their behavior and reaction to situations are often stemming from the internal rather than the external – they’re not just ‘acting up,’ despite what others may think. And let’s face it, 2020 is shaping up to be a head-burner for the most level-headed of us, so you need to go easy on your little people! So what can we do to help them navigate this confusing world?

Here are my Top 5 Tips When it Comes to Coping With a Hyperactive Child

Find a constructive way to channel your child’s energy

Children need to be active, especially hyperactive ones, so find a way that incorporates burning off energy with something fun. Does your child like soccer, martial arts, to read, or is obsessed with a particular topic or animal? Whether you sign them up to a craft activity, afterschool sports club, or make your own games, there are many ways to keep them busy and engaged – and often while they’re still learning. Focusing on sensory and/or play-based activities helps boost their concentration, memory skills, and skill development.

Treat Your Child as an Equal

Ever heard that horrid expression, “Children should be seen and not heard?” It’s an old adage drawn from the Victorian era, and that’s precisely where it should remain! In the olden days, when the world was still black and white, some people thought that showering affection on their children could ‘spoil’ them – the same as holding a baby “too much.” We’ve moved on since then, and research shows quite the opposite. Nurturing and trusting, dependable relationships are imperative for optimal early brain development. In the early months of a child’s emotional development, learning and attachment are woven together. Studies show that when the skin is stimulated from being held, it fires up the right side of the brain, whereby the child learns to trust. It’s crucial for this to happen so that individuals can learn. You should never try and mute a hyperactive and headstrong child.

Routine, Routine, Routine

An army-type regimen of strict rules and regulations can be too stifling for a hyperactive child. But having a regular routine, and keeping everyone on the same page and helping your child feel safe and secure. It could be as simple as waking up, going to bed, brushing teeth and having meals at the same time every day, and/or tasking them with chores. Hyperactive kids like to know what is ‘happening next,’ and it can help prevent boredom.

Be Your Child’s Advocate

When your hyperactive child is diagnosed (or suspected), everyone in your life suddenly becomes an expert on ADD. Parents, in-laws, siblings, teachers, well-meaning friends, the person in the shop down the road… even the way the dog raises his eyebrow can have you wondering if he’s silently judging you! You know your child best, and know what will and won’t work. And with the help of those closest to you and professionals and teachers, you can formulate a plan and ongoing strategy. Don’t be afraid to tell people to back off (however you want to phrase it) when their ‘help’ is unwelcome and potentially damaging.

Don’t Let Your Child Get Overtired

Fatigue makes children ‘testy’ at the best of times, and parents! When your hyperactive child is exhausted or overtired, they can lose self-control. Research shows that ten to 15 percent of children with ADD have trouble getting to sleep, which is twice the rate of those who aren’t hyperactive. Sticking to regular rest and bedtimes can help combat this. If your child is tired (maybe from physical activity or mental stimulation), let your child sleep or have quiet time if required.

Manage Aggression

Sudden defiant and aggressive outbursts can be frequent with hyperactive children. Up to 40 percent of children with ADD are estimated to be diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). This can result in a pattern of disruptive, angry, and violent behavior. This can also include disruptive behaviors towards authority figures, parents, caretakers, and your child’s peers. ODD tends to be most common in boys before puberty but is equally common in both genders afterward. Working with a guidance parenting coach and cognitive therapist can help you handle your child’s behavior. Remember too that a child whose needs for autonomy and self-direction are being trampled over will appear as though they have ODD. They don’t! They are in the 3R’s (retaliation, rebellion and resistance).

Use ‘Guidance Discipline’ Instead of ‘Traditional’ Discipline

Most children, not just hyperactive ones, respond better with guided discipline, i.e. non-authoritarian discipline. While this kind of discipline can be more time consuming, your child will feel like they’re being treated respectfully and listening to them. This keeps the lines of communication open and means your child will be more cooperative than combative. The key points with guidance discipline are to have a strategy, use positive guidance, and ensure it’s carried out in a nurturing environment. You also need to be mindful of how your child is likely to respond. Remember, how you treat your child is, ultimately, how they learn to manage themselves. For tips on how to use guidance discipline, read the blog I recently wrote about it here.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

It sounds simple, but with a hyperactive child, it’s essential to pick your battles. Losing your cool and shouting at a child suffering from ADD will only cause them to get more anxious and do more harm than good. Sick of always asking them to brush their teeth, put on their socks, shoes, tidy their room, etc? If they’re struggling with following these instructions, help them if you can. Make the activity fun, or offering a distraction or multiple choice can help, i.e, “Would you rather tidy up your room now or in an hour?” It’s also important to accept your child’s limitations but encourage their potential, and not compare them to siblings or peers, especially when it comes to their achievements.

Ask for Help

While everyone has tough days if it’s getting too much and struggling and feeling overwhelmed, reach out for help. You’re probably already getting advice from doctors and specialists. If not, make an appointment with one and keep searching until you find ‘the right fit.’ Don’t be afraid to lean on family and friends too.

You can also glean tips from a parenting coach or reconnect with your child by signing up for a course such as my Guidance Approach to Parenting, which begins September 28th, 2020.

If you enjoyed this blog, check out my blog post to identify if your child is suffering from anxiety. Click here now.

Categories
Growth

Is It Time for a Parent-Teacher Conference About Your Parenting Style?

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re a Conscious Parent eager to raise your kids using effective communication and active listening. Perhaps you’ve even joined us for the Parenting Reset and are practicing the principles of the Guidance Approach to Parenting at home.

But what happens when your child steps outside their protected family bubble? How do you explain the Guidance Approach to Parenting to teachers, child care providers, and even grandparents?

The adult caregivers in your child’s life don’t need to subscribe to the same parenting method as you, but they do need to respect your decisions on how to raise your children.  

Talking to Caregivers and Teachers About How to Treat Your Child

These proactive discussion points can help you effectively communicate your parenting style to adults who interact frequently with your kids:

  • “I treat my kids with the respect every human being, regardless of age, deserves.” At the core of the Guidance Approach to Parenting is the conviction that children are humans too—which means they deserve to be seen, heard, and respected. This fundamental value should lead any conversation you begin.

 

  • “We encourage self-direction instead of reward vs. punishment.” Explain to your child’s teachers that instead of a punitive approach to “bad” behavior, you prefer self-directed resolutions. If your child has an altercation with a classmate, ask their teacher to help identify the root of the problem. Was there an unmet need or a misunderstanding? Once both sides of the story have been heard, the conflicting parties should collaborate on a solution that makes everyone happy.

 

  • “We use acknowledgement rather than praise.” Praising a child’s looks or intelligence teaches them to measure their self-worth based on superficial traits and what other people think of them. It also brings the poison of measuring their self worth from external factors.

Acknowledgement connects a child to their own sense of accomplishment so they can more clearly see their own skills and competencies, and sense how they feel about themselves.  After all, the cornerstone to solid self esteem isn’t seeking others’ approval or praise.

Assure grandparents that they can congratulate their grandkids for a job well done, but that they should emphasize hard work and self-discipline as opposed to empty praise for being “smart.” For example, “I admire how hard you worked on that.” “Congratulations!” “Did you know you could do that?” and “You seem proud of yourself.” 

  • “I refrain from using negative adjectives to describe my kids (e.g. calling them “spoiled” or “bad”). There’s a big difference between pointing out that a child made a mess and making them feel like they are a mess. No one likes to be called names! Ask the adults in your children’s life to use non-blameful descriptions of behavior and to avoid names or labels that can undermine your kid’s confidence or sense of self.
  • “Our children know when we talk down to them.” When my daughter Pia was in elementary school, she came home one day absolutely indignant at how a friend’s mother had spoken to her. “Mom, she never would’ve talked to you that way,” she said. She was right. Adults assume that kids won’t catch the nuances in our communication, but they can tell when they’re being talked down to. It can’t possibly feel good to be marginalized and viewed as “less than” just because you’re a child. Caregivers should always be aware of how they’re talking to children.

Sharing your perspective with people who don’t hold the same beliefs isn’t always easy. And altering someone’s point of view won’t happen overnight. But you owe it to yourself and your kids to have these tough conversations.

If you need further guidance starting a dialogue with the adults in your children’s life, our private parenting Facebook group can offer support and help you build your confidence. We stream live every Tuesday at 6 pm PST. You can put your questions and concerns in the comment thread and get them addressed right then and there.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. Looking to ease your parenting partner into the Conscious Parenting Revolution? Freeparentingbook.com is a great introduction!