Author:

Dear Katherine,

A parent expresses concern about their kids’ love for playing video games. The children seem to take genuine pleasure in this activity, and while they’re occupied, the parent has a chance to do household chores and enjoy a little time to themselves.

The parent wonders if there are better hobbies out there—but if the kids like gaming and it gives the parent a bit of space, is that so wrong? They question if they are making a parenting mistake by letting the children play.

Sincerely,
Guilty As Charged

Hey there, Guilty As Charged,

First of all, there is nothing to feel guilty about here! Check the shame at the door. Everyone’s human.

Gaming—and screen-time in general—is a sore spot in many parent-child relationships. It’s hard to imagine eliminating these activities because, as mentioned, the kids enjoy playing video games, and the parent enjoys having some space. Not to mention that screen-time has become an undeniable part of children’s social lives.

But of course, “too much” of anything can be a problem.

So what constitutes “too much” in terms of gaming? The answer: It depends.

Rest assured that it’s probably not necessary to put an end to the kids’ gaming. This kind of hobby can have a place in a healthy, well-rounded child’s life. The issue is when it becomes an addiction.

In a webinar with Cam Adair (founder of Game Quitters, the world’s largest support platform), who once struggled with video game addiction, Adair shared his experience. He dropped out of school, lied to his parents about having a job, and eventually experienced suicidal ideation. At the height of his problem, he was gaming 16 hours a day.

The discussion highlighted that one of the risk factors for full-fledged gaming addiction is using video games as a coping mechanism or a means of escape. The amount of time spent gaming matters much less than why they’re gaming in the first place.

“Why does my child like video games so much?” is a common question among parents. Often, it’s because video games provide a sense of achievement, excitement, and even social connection. Understanding this can help in managing their gaming habits effectively.

Here’s a good litmus test: If the child is gaming and they are asked to stop—for dinner, homework, or something else—are they capable of easily walking away? If so, there may not be cause for concern.

If they have trouble walking away, there may not be cause for concern either. If they are in the middle of getting to that next level at the very moment they are called, they may just need a few more minutes!

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It’s also important to take a holistic view of the kids’ lives outside of gaming.

Are they doing well in school?
Do they have nice friends?
Are they generally kind and happy?
Do they get proper exercise and nutrition?

The answers to those questions will help determine if playing video games is a solution for another problem—or just another activity that brings the children joy.

“Do video games affect children’s behavior?” The answer varies, but generally, moderation and balance are key. Ensuring that gaming does not interfere with their daily responsibilities and overall well-being is crucial.

“What to do when your child only wants to play video games?” Start a conversation about their gaming habits and show interest in what they enjoy. Plan family activities that can engage them and set reasonable boundaries without resorting to power struggles.

If there is concern, Game Quitters—Adair’s game addiction support community—is an excellent resource. But first, start a conversation with the kids about their gaming habits. Good old-fashioned quality time and better parent-child communication may be enough to keep them from entering unhealthy territory.

Tell the child that the family wants to spend time together, and be sure to plan activities that excite them. Steer clear of using power and control because that is guaranteed to activate the 3Rs (retaliation, rebellion, and resistance) and generate a resentment flow.

It is hoped this response gave some peace of mind to “Guilty As Charged.” The kids’ love for video games is likely healthy and normal.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

As we step into the vibrant and inclusive atmosphere of Pride Month, Conscious Parenting Revolution stands proudly as dedicated allies of the LGTBQIA2S+ community. Our commitment to supporting parents through the intricate journey of raising children remains unwavering. Every child deserves a nurturing environment where they can thrive, regardless of their identity or orientation.

How to Support Your Child’s Journey

Parenting is a journey marked by transitions and transformations, each stage presenting its own set of challenges and joys. Today, we delve into the profound journey from childhood to adolescence, exploring how we can best support our children through this pivotal phase of their lives.

The Transformation From Childhood to Youth

The transition from childhood to youth is a remarkable period characterized by profound changes and self-discovery. As parents, we often find ourselves navigating a delicate balance between pride and concern as we witness our children unfold into young adults. It’s a time when they assert their independence, question societal norms, and embark on a journey of self-exploration.

In understanding this transformation, we recognize the importance of creating a supportive and nurturing environment where our children feel empowered to explore their identities authentically. Happy Pride Month serves as a poignant reminder of the significance of embracing diversity and celebrating the uniqueness of every individual within our families.

How to Help Young Children Transition Into Young Adults

Guiding young children through the transition into young adulthood requires patience, empathy, and unwavering support. As they navigate the complexities of adolescence, they rely on us, their trusted guardians, to provide guidance and encouragement along the way.

It’s essential to foster open communication and create a judgment-free space where our children feel safe to express themselves authentically. By respecting their boundaries and offering a listening ear without judgment, we empower them to navigate the challenges of adolescence with confidence and resilience.

The Changing Transition to Adulthood

As our children transition into adulthood, our roles as parents evolve from managers to consultants. It’s a journey that requires us to let go of control and trust in our children’s abilities to make decisions that align with their authentic selves. While this transition may evoke feelings of uncertainty and apprehension, it’s also an opportunity for growth and mutual understanding within our parent-child relationships.

Embracing pride month serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of unconditional love and acceptance within our families. As we celebrate diversity and inclusivity, let us also reaffirm our commitment to supporting our children through every stage of their journey, from childhood to adolescence and beyond. Happy Pride Month!

There is no subject more difficult to discuss with children and teenagers than dying. Tragically, it is also a subject that often must be discussed while adults cope with their own grief. How do you explain death to your child? Discussing death with preschoolers, school-age children, and teenagers should, of course, be approached differently.

Preschoolers

Death becomes surprisingly familiar to younger children. Many fairy tales, nursery rhymes, and Disney movies deal with the subject.

Additionally, pet animals die, and there is death depicted all over television screens in both fact and fiction. Evidence of death, such as animals by the side of the road, is common.

The hardest fact for a child to come to terms with, however, is that death is permanent, not temporary. It is also scary and challenging for children to understand that death happens to everyone, including their parents, caregivers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and siblings.

A young child’s reaction to death may manifest in unpredictable ways.

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There may be confusion as to why the adults in a child’s life, including the parents, are suddenly so sad and upset. Their routine, crucial to their stability, may be interrupted, leading to increased clinginess.

Changes in familiar scenarios, such as attending kindergarten, could become traumatic, with the child seeming desperate to avoid more changes in their life. Alternatively, a child may display a nonchalant response, seemingly bothered for a few moments before reverting to normal behavior.

This is a typical response at this age because children process significant events like death piece by piece over time. The release of grief might be delayed until the child is older and more capable of expressing it, especially when the deceased was someone close, such as a parent or sibling.

It’s essential not to avoid any questions about dying from a preschooler. Even if the death of a person close to the child has not occurred, it is a subject that should be discussed to help manage trauma when it does happen.

Answering a child’s questions should be brief, straightforward, and easy to understand. For example, it can be explained that a body has stopped working, so the person isn’t around anymore.

Euphemisms for death, such as ‘grandma’s gone to sleep,’ should be avoided as they could give the child the idea that if they go to sleep, they might die. Similarly, telling a child that someone died because they were sick could trigger worries that all illnesses lead to death. It can be explained that not all sick people die.

If a child is directly affected by a death, such as a close relative, they need to be informed about how activities previously done with that person will now be replaced.

Parents should not be afraid of expressing their grief so that children understand that they, too, are undergoing something complicated.

Open-casket funerals for young ones and older children can be traumatic and should be carefully considered before attending. It might be too traumatic for them. However, memorializing the deceased, such as lighting a candle or writing a letter saying goodbye, is a good idea.

Discussing Death With School-Age, Pre-Teen Children

Older children can grasp that death is an end and is permanent. Parents and caregivers can provide comfort just by ‘being there’ to give them a feeling of familiarity.

Grief and sadness at this age may manifest physically, such as through headaches or stomach cramps, accompanying tears and sadness. Mourning is likely to come and go, as the pre-teen processes the loss.

Recognizing that death is final, they may envision the deceased as an angel, skeleton, spirit, or ghost. They will want to know what happened and what will happen to the body. These questions shouldn’t be avoided and must be handled sensitively.

Death may also trigger concerns about their own mortality, leading to feelings of anger, shame, guilt, and possibly physical aggression. Feelings of abandonment and insecurity will surface, and they may even feel responsible for the death.

How Do Kids Cope With Death?

Children of different ages cope with death in various ways. Younger children might seem more clingy or regress to earlier behaviors, while older children may display physical symptoms of grief, such as headaches or stomach aches. Teenagers might react with more severe behavior, including lashing out or engaging in reckless activities. It’s crucial to handle each child’s grief with sensitivity and understanding, providing the support they need to process their emotions healthily.

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Discussing Death With Teenagers

From the start of the teen years onwards, children will have a clearer understanding of death and its implications. However, while they have a mature understanding, they lack adult coping mechanisms.

Grief is likely to manifest in more severe ways, such as lashing out at family members and close friends. Reckless behavior as a consequence of grief, including alcohol abuse, drug abuse, fighting, and sexual promiscuity, should be watched for.

Death may lead to profound questions about their faith and fundamental worldview, potentially shattered by the event. As they seek independence, they may shun offers of help and assistance, spending more time alone or with friends. Discussing Death With Teenagers can also involve talking about the family’s religious or spiritual beliefs about death. Encouraging them to speak with someone outside the family, like grief counselors or mental health professionals, is beneficial.

Teenagers should play a role in the memorial and funeral. Visiting the location before the event may help calm nerves and provide reassurance.

Feelings of guilt may arise, especially if a sibling has died. This could be evident following arguments when they might have said, “I wish you were dead.” Guilt is a natural outcome, but teenagers may also take on more responsibilities, assuming roles previously held by the deceased.

Handling questions and reactions with sensitivity and understanding is crucial. Be open to how children of any age process their grief.

It is Memorial Day in the USA. 

Happy Memorial Day! It is a day for remembrance, a time for the nation to express thanks and reflect on the brave individuals who lost their lives in service to their country, commemorating the ultimate sacrifice they made.

What is Memorial Day? Memorial Day 2024 is an important holiday dedicated to honoring the men and women who have died while serving in the U.S. military. It’s a time to pause, reflect, and give thanks.

Maya Angelou once said, “How important it is for us to recognize our heroes and she-roes.”

In light of this sentiment, it’s essential to take some time to express gratitude for all those in the service, both present and past, and remember a hero of one’s own.

One poignant story is that my father-in-law who fought in the Battle of the Bulge. His battalion suffered many losses, leaving him in charge. When a white flag appeared from the Germans, offering to take them as POWs, he agreed—they would all have perished on that hill otherwise. As a POW officer, he was not made to work, but he was not fed either, leading to severe emaciation. Not being a smoker, he traded his cigarette rations for another officer’s chocolate, hoarding it for the day he planned to escape.

The camp was liberated when the Allies crossed into enemy territory. He consumed all his chocolate for the necessary energy boost but became so violently ill that he ended up sleeping in a farmer’s barn and was recaptured. Many of his fellow POWs were bombed on the train by American fighter pilots, not realizing it was filled with POWs. The chocolate ultimately saved his life.

As the war drew to a close, everyone was eventually freed. He made his way to Paris, searching for his brother, who was General Patton’s driver. They had lost contact, and he had no way of finding him. Miraculously, when he went to a restroom, his brother was there. The story felt like a miracle each time it was recounted.

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When did Memorial Day become a day of remembrance? This significant transformation occurred after the Civil War, evolving from Decoration Day into the Memorial Day observed today, to honor all American military personnel who have died in all wars.

While servicemen and women are vital to the nation’s safety and security, they are also paramount to their family units. While the nation grieves those who have died in the line of duty, it often overlooks the families they leave behind.

If you are a parent dealing with the loss of a family member, offering support to yourself and your children can be an immense struggle and a heavy burden to bear. There are many valuable resources available to help, such as the blog post “How to Explain Death to a Child.“

Have you ever wondered about mindfulness? It’s a simple yet powerful practice that involves focusing your attention on the present moment while acknowledging and accepting your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations in a calm manner. In times of uncertainty, like the ones we’re facing now, mindfulness can be a valuable tool to help you stay calm and centered.

The benefits of mindfulness are remarkable, ranging from reducing stress to enhancing mood and emotional regulation. And guess what? These benefits aren’t just for adults – children can experience them too. You might be thinking, “How do you teach kids mindfulness? Is that even possible?” Well, it certainly is, and it can even be enjoyable!

Despite not facing the same stresses as adults, children often struggle to connect with their emotions amidst their busy schedules and digital distractions. Mindfulness can help them tune in to their feelings and better understand them. Research shows that practicing mindfulness with children can improve their focus, reduce stress and anxiety, and promote positive behaviors. Plus, it’s a fantastic way for you to bond with your child and find moments of tranquility together – something we all need right now. So, how can I practice mindfulness with my child?

Here are 5 Easy Mindfulness Techniques For Your Kids:

1. Breathing Exercise

Meditation involves sitting down and focusing on your breath, a challenge for restless children. Combat this by creating a calming atmosphere with colorful pillows and soft music. Encourage them to imagine pleasant scents, like flowers or cake, as they inhale deeply and pretend to blow out candles or dandelion clocks. Start with short sessions and gradually increase the duration to enhance their awareness of their rising and falling tummy.

1. Notice 5 Things Around You

Consciously observing the world can ground you in the present, especially during moments of stress or overwhelm. Turn this into a game for your kids. Sit down and invite them to join you in the “notice five things” game. Call out five things you see around you and encourage them to do the same. This activity brings them back to the present moment and becomes more effective with regular practice.

1. Embrace All Feelings

Children inevitably experience tantrums, and mindfulness can help them accept their emotions without judgment. As a parent, it’s crucial to set an example by acknowledging your reactions and taking deep breaths yourself. Avoid trying to engage them in meditative breathing during their outbursts; instead, wait until they’ve calmed down. Then discuss their feelings and unmet needs, practicing breathing exercises together to explore solutions for future situations.

1. Drop Anchor

Stand together with your child and guide them to feel grounded by pressing down through their feet, connecting with the earth’s gravity. Encourage them to tune into different parts of their body, starting with their head and working down. This exercise fosters a sense of stability and presence in the moment, helping them feel more grounded and aware of their surroundings.

1. Silence Game

This classic mindfulness practice encourages children to be as quiet and still as possible, not only with their voices but also with their bodies. Begin with short sessions, aiming for a minute of silence. When the game ends, softly ask your children what they noticed during the quiet, encouraging them to maintain that calm, peaceful feeling throughout their day’s activities.

In conclusion, these playful mindfulness activities offer a unique opportunity for you and your child to connect and develop valuable coping skills. By incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine, you will not think about how to decrease stress and improve your mood but you can create a calmer and more peaceful environment for both of you.

Remember, mindfulness isn’t about having expectations or living in the future – it’s about embracing the present moment. Start exploring these techniques with your child today and watch as they cultivate greater happiness and inner peace, benefiting both of you.