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Author: Laura Sicola

Dr. Laura Sicola is a leadership communication expert and the founder of Vocal Impact Productions in Philadelphia, PA. She offers keynote speaking, executive communication coaching and team training to help people master the 3Cs of “Vocal Executive Presence”: Command the room, Connect with the audience, and Close the deal. She has spent nearly 20 years in language, culture and education, and has done coaching, trainings and keynote addresses across five continents. She is a coach for the TED Fellows program and works with clients such as Comcast, Independence, Wikimedia, the US Department of Commerce, IBM, and Women Against Abuse. She earned her PhD in educational linguistics from the University of Pennsylvania where she was faculty from 2001-2013.|Dr. Laura Sicola is a leadership communication expert and the founder of Vocal Impact Productions in Philadelphia, PA. She offers keynote speaking, executive communication coaching and team training to help people master the 3Cs of “Vocal Executive Presence”: Command the room, Connect with the audience, and Close the deal. She has spent nearly 20 years in language, culture and education, and has done coaching, trainings and keynote addresses across five continents. She is a coach for the TED Fellows program and works with clients such as Comcast, Independence, Wikimedia, the US Department of Commerce, IBM, and Women Against Abuse. She earned her PhD in educational linguistics from the University of Pennsylvania where she was faculty from 2001-2013.|Dr. Laura Sicola is a leadership communication expert and the founder of Vocal Impact Productions in Philadelphia, PA. She offers keynote speaking, executive communication coaching and team training to help people master the 3Cs of “Vocal Executive Presence”: Command the room, Connect with the audience, and Close the deal. She has spent nearly 20 years in language, culture and education, and has done coaching, trainings and keynote addresses across five continents. She is a coach for the TED Fellows program and works with clients such as Comcast, Independence, Wikimedia, the US Department of Commerce, IBM, and Women Against Abuse. She earned her PhD in educational linguistics from the University of Pennsylvania where she was faculty from 2001-2013.

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Best Practices Culture Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

Overcoming Adversity

Have you ever felt ready throw up your hands in frustration, and give up? It’s so easy to be convinced that the odds are against you and feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. If this sounds familiar and need a new perspective on things, my client Pete’s story will help you persevere and encourage you to discover untapped strength you didn’t even know you had.

Pete’s story is a double-whammy of seemingly impossible situations:

First, the 28-year-old Kenyan designer was framed for murder, denied legal rights, wrongfully convicted and – because it was required by law in Kenya – sentenced to the death penalty. For 18 years he awaited the date when his name would be called, with no projected time frame ever given. The “tunnel” was as long and dark as it could possibly be, and he wondered how he could find the strength to get through each day.

But in the process, he was provided an opportunity. He was given the chance through a non-profit organization called the African Prisons Project to study law via a correspondence program – and I mean old fashioned paper correspondence; no internet in prison! – at a British university. He completed his degree and used that opportunity to fight and clear his name, ultimately emerging as a free man with a presidential pardon. Now that’s perseverance through adversity!

The second challenge – which pales in comparison but would make anyone else freeze in their tracks – happened in the fall of 2017. Pete was at the TED Global (not TEDx) conference in Tanzania, and was unexpectedly offered the opportunity to share his story on the main TED stage in a five-minute TED talk – with TWO DAYS NOTICE!

That’s when he reached out to me. From seven time zones away, Pete and I worked together to hone his message and craft his story, and ensure he could deliver it all with the impact that he wanted, all in two days. What was his message, you ask? No matter how dark things may seem, every day, take one step forward.

If you’re thinking to yourself, “I don’t have that kind of perseverance,” or “I could never do that,” I’m pretty sure Pete would have said the same thing about himself, until it happened to him.

Need some inspiration to help you get over the next hurdle? Listen to Pete.

No matter how big your challenges are, just remind yourself: if he can get through that, I can get through this. Dig deep: you are stronger and more resilient than you think.

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Are you planning to give an important talk or presentation, and want some help to ensure that your message lands correctly and your delivery seals the deal? Email laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to set up a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me, personally.

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Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Negotiations Skills Women In Business

Do You Respond or React?

A little while ago, a German PhD student and I were discussing the dynamics of working in international or multicultural settings, when he asked me, “What’s the one piece of advice you would give to someone who was going to work in [that kind of environment]?”

It was a powerful question, since it’s hard to distill the 1,001 ideas that swirled through my head down to one single line item.

Finally, I said, “No matter what happens, don’t react.”

He looked at me, surprised. “So, if someone says or does something that you don’t like, you should just do nothing?”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” I replied. “You can respond; just don’t react.”

“What’s the difference?” he asked.

I went on to explain that a reaction is an instinctive reflex, often influenced by your “fight or flight” tendencies, whereas a response is a conscious decision.

A critical skill that separates bosses from true leaders is the ability to catch yourself when the reflex to react kicks in, and hit the pause button. Then assess the situation from what I like to call a “split-brain perspective” before deciding your course of action. Depending on the situation and your natural tendencies, you may be able to do this quickly, or you may need to take some time to think it through, and return to continue the discussion an hour or a day later.

Either way, the process requires three equally important steps.

Step 1: Acknowledge your feelings

The first step is on the “emotional side” of your brain – the one whose reaction is to be annoyed, offended or off-put by what the other person said or did. Start by identifying what you’re feeling and why. For example, you can say to yourself, “Whenever he asks for something, it always sounds like a command. It sounds like he thinks he’s my boss, and it really gets under my skin.”

Especially in intercultural encounters (but not unusual in any context), it’s common to perceive others as being rude or otherwise feel like their comments are insensitive or inappropriate. Here’s the thing: it is okay to feel this way. You don’t have to deny your feelings; just don’t let them drive you or your reaction. Acknowledge them, and then go to step-two.

Step 2: Seek alternative explanations

This is when the “logical side” of your brain needs to take over, giving the person the benefit of the doubt that there is a perfectly reasonable alternative explanation for what they did or said, and that their intention was not to offend you. Your job is to discover their real reason and intent.

Now, you can remind yourself, “He probably doesn’t realize how that came across. Let’s find out what he meant and go from there.”

You never know what might be under the surface. For example, in Russian, it is perfectly professional to say “do this now,” whereas in English it sounds extremely demanding, “bossy” and abrasive. The problem is that even though the person may be “fluent” in English, they could still be thinking in Russian and translating word for word into English, not realizing that while their statement is technically, grammatically correct, it is contextually inappropriate.

On the flip side, while it’s considered appropriate in English to say, “Can you get X to me by the end of the day? I can’t do my part until I have X from you and the deadline is tomorrow,” in Russian, such a statement sounds timid and wishy-washy. As a result, it might not have occurred to the person to frame it this way, subconsciously assuming it would be inappropriate.

Once you’ve had that quick check-in with yourself to regroup, move on to step-three.

Step 3: Respond thoughtfully

This is where the rubber hits the road, so to speak. Considering everything from steps one and two, you need to formulate your response to the person in a way that isn’t defensive (or offensive, for that matter), and shows that you want to reach a mutual understanding.

Whether you address the issue immediately or at a later time, perhaps when you can have the conversation in private, start by calmly and objectively identifying the comment/behavior. E.g., “I just want to clarify what’s probably a misunderstanding. Earlier, you told me to (XYZ), and the other day you said (ABC). I’m happy to help, but when you say it like that, it feels like you’re giving me orders. I don’t think you did it intentionally, so I wanted to ask you to clarify what you meant.”

At that point the person will have the chance to share their perspective and even apologize if necessary. They might be surprised or embarrassed, and this approach helps them to set the record straight, turning the exchange into a learning experience for both of you. In the end, you get clarity, strengthen your relationship, and allow them to rebuild their reputation with you and others moving forward.

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

On St. Patty’s Day, Take Control of Your Luck!

“The luck of the Irish” is a fun notion celebrated with lots of images of shamrocks and leprechauns this time of year in anticipation of St. Patrick’s Day. But when it comes to being seen as a leader, luck has nothing to do with it. As the saying goes, “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.” So here are four easy steps (one for each leaf on your shamrock) to prepare yourself so that when the opportunity arises, you are ready to create your own “good luck.”

1. Project Confidence

 Whether your hands are steady or your knees are knocking at the idea of speaking to a particular person or group, project an air of poise and confidence. I’m not suggesting you act like a know-it-all or brag arrogantly about an accomplishment, but don’t let them see that you’re nervous. Rather, steady your nerves, take a few deep breaths, smile, make eye contact and own your material as you speak.

Even if someone asks a tough question, calmly acknowledge the premise and give the best answer you can. If you don’t have the answer on hand, matter-of-factly let the person know that you’ll get the answer for them as soon as the meeting is over. Showing grace under fire is a very compelling sign of confidence, and indicates that you have everything under control; you’re not panicking, so they shouldn’t either. That’s the kind of person people what to have in charge.

2. Do Your Research

When you’re going to meet with a particular audience, go beyond preparing your proposal or slide deck, and see what else you can learn about them as people. LinkedIn is a great place to start. How long have they been with the company or in the industry? What alumni associations do they belong to? What hobbies or connections do you have in common? The more areas you can find to relate to them, the more easily they will feel comfortable with you.

About five years ago I had set up a meeting with the VP of human resources of a company I really wanted to work with. The day before we met, I looked her up on LinkedIn, and to my surprise, discovered that her birthday was the very next day. (Who knew LinkedIn had birthday information?)

On the way to the meeting I stopped at the store to pick up a fun card. When we got together, I pulled the envelope out of my bag and said, “By the way, this is for you.”

She looked at me, a bit puzzled, then opened it up. When she saw what it was, her eyes widened in surprised, and with a big smile she asked, “How did you know?”

I just smiled and said, “A little birdie told me.” We’ve been friends ever since, and I’ve done tons of business with the company.

3. Rehearse Your Opening

One massive pitfall for most people is that even though they might plan what they’re going to say in the body of a presentation, when it comes to the introduction, they completely wing it. “It’s just small talk, welcoming people, and setting the agenda,” they think. “I don’t need to practice that.

Au contraire. It’s exactly that simple intro that you need to flesh out and rehearse. Although the concepts are simple, you can’t afford to trip over your words as you fumble for what to say. If the intro is clumsy and awkward, it sets a negative tone and gives a poor first impression, which will taint the audience’s view of the rest of what you’re going to say. Your image and reputation start out behind the eight ball, and then it’s up to you to come from behind rather than starting out front and simply maintaining a comfortable lead.

4. Speak in Your Best Voice

The same way you choose your outfit carefully to dress appropriately for your audience, you should also dress your words in a “suit”-able voice. Your word choice might indicate what you want the audience to think, but your vocal delivery will tell people how you actually feel about what you’re saying. If those messages are conflicting, the voice of doubt almost always wins.

For example, avoid bad habits like “vocal fry,” which is when your voice sounds gravelly like you’re sleepy or not sure about what you are saying. Remember to pause frequently enough when speaking so that you can take another breath, refuel the air tank, and allow a nice, rich, resonant voice to speak in a way that sounds convincing and convinced.

Similarly, up-speak – the vocal pattern that sounds like you’re asking question after question even when there is no question in sight –  can be another grenade to your reputation. That incessant question-like tone sounds like you are constantly seeking validation by implying, “Okay? You know? Am I right?” If you’re truly confident in your material, as any leader should be, you shouldn’t be begging for approval.  Instead, use vocal periods, allowing your voice to drop at the end of each sentence. The declarative tone sounds like you own your material and are in control of the situation.

When you put these four practices together, you’ll project the image of a person who is strong, relatable, and effective. If that becomes your normal speaking pattern, your reputation will speak for itself, so when the right opportunity arises, you won’t need luck.

Now that’s the kind of person I want to have running my projects!

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Do you have questions or comments about how to present yourself in the most effective way? Email me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to set up a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me, personally.

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills

What’s in Your Blind Spot?

Part of what makes my job fun is that no two clients are trying to solve the same problem. But whether it’s about leading with confidence and authority, managing conflict, or public speaking, they do all share one fundamental challenge: a perception gap, or “blind spot.”

You see when it comes to skills of persuasion and influence, the way you come across to others can make or break your chances of getting to “yes.” The problem is that most people know how they want to come across to others, and they know how they think they come across, but they are also remarkably unaware of how they actually come across. That gap in their perception is their blind spot.

The irony is that they are present in the moment when they interact with others: they hear their own speech and would generally believe they have control over their body and facial expressions, but the way the scene appears to play out in their minds is often very different from other people’s experience. At one time or another, we all suffer from this perception gap.  So why does this happen, and how can you close the gap?

Let’s look at those three components again.

First, how do you want to come across? This connotes an intentionality, and requires some forethought prior to the conversation or presentation. Part of the problem is that most people plan for and attend meetings on auto-pilot, and fail to put any planning effort into this question. If you want people to recognize your confidence, or if you want them to see you as approachable even in times of crisis, it is critical to start with that goal in mind, and consciously monitor your participation to keep your message on track.

Second, how do you think you come across? As the meeting progresses, and/or after it’s over, take stock of how you feel at the time. For example, if midway through the meeting you can feel yourself getting agitated and defensive, remind yourself not to let your emotions get the best of you. Take a deep breath, and watch your tone of voice, body language, etc. At the end, try to reflect on what you said and how you felt at the time, and acknowledge when your speech style did or did not feel like it reflected the way you wanted to appear. Make a point to note any discrepancies to work on them for next time.

Finally, how do you actually come across? Once you’ve attempted to assess your own behavior, seek objective feedback from others. Ask them for overall impressions you made, and if they felt that you did or did not demonstrate the qualities you wanted to project. Regardless of the answer, follow up with asking why. If they say you seemed calm, nervous, moody, distracted, confident or otherwise, ask them to point out any specific behaviors that led to that impression. Maybe you didn’t realize that you kept crossing and uncrossing your arms which appeared standoffish, or only seemed to speak with people at the front of the room and ignored those in the back. Or maybe you spoke with far less intonation variation than you thought, so while you wanted to sound engaged and engaging, people actually found you to be disengaged and appear a bit indifferent. Just remember to assure them that you will openly and graciously accept their feedback, no matter what they share, and that it won’t come back to haunt them if it’s not what you had hoped to hear.

Want to test yourself? Try recording yourself in a one-minute video as you imagine yourself speaking to your upcoming audience, whoever they may be. Go through these steps, planning how you want to come across, practicing mindfulness as you speak, and then watching the video to see where there is a gap between your planning and execution. Once you’ve identified your own blind spots, then you can take meaningful steps to close the perception gap and ensure that your message lands as intended, and you are able to influence the conversation as desired to get the desired outcome.

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Are you aware of your own blind spots, but don’t know how to fix them? Or are you unsure of where they might be but recognize that you need to identify and fix them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

The 40-Day Leadership Challenge

Aren’t there times when you wish you could yell “do over!” and start with a clean slate, like you did as a kid? The good news is, even though it might not be enough to simply declare the “do over,” it is possible to start again on a clean page. How? Take my 40-Day Leadership Challenge.

For Christians, the forty days before Easter are known as Lent, reflecting the forty days that Jesus spent fasting and praying in the desert before his crucifixion and resurrection. During this time, many people make forty-day sacrifices like giving up sweets, eating in between meals, or video games; or making some extra effort like reading the Bible daily, or volunteering at a soup kitchen. The idea is that it should be a time of purification, after which you emerge as a better person and closer to God. But it strikes me that, at a deeper level, there is a universally valuable leadership challenge and lesson inherent in this kind of experience.

Everyone has some relationship, whether professional or personal, that could be improved. Maybe there’s someone who perpetually rubs you the wrong way. Or on a grander scale, maybe you need to project a more compelling leadership image you project for people to see you as a leader to admire. Fundamentally, relationships are made and broken by the communication patterns they promote, and it’s up to you to take the first step towards making these patterns healthier, more respectful and more productive, based on how you choose to communicate.

All you have to do is take that first step today, and then another one each day for the next 39 days. That’s your personal 40-Day Leadership Challenge. Pick something that is difficult enough so that you can’t do it mindlessly; it will require a conscious effort for it to be successful. The goal is that after 40 days, you will replace old, bad habits with positive new ones, which will not only make you a better person, but will improve the lives of others around you.

So where should you start? You might choose to “fast” from gossip or snarky comments, both in conversation and email. Hold your tongue instead of criticizing someone in public even when others do, or let the other person get the last word even when you want to add more.

Perhaps you have a tendency to be blunt, dramatic or insensitive in some contexts. If that’s the case, try committing to a 40-day diplomacy challenge. You could also abstain from exaggeration, swearing, or drama for 40 days, or opt to walk away from a conversation when you feel yourself starting to get heated – then be sure to follow up later when you feel more focused and composed.

On the flip side, maybe you try to avoid conflict at all costs. For you, the challenge could be committing to address problems rather than letting them fester and hoping they go away on their own.

If nothing else, try this: Simply make an effort to explicitly thank people for their efforts, big or small. You’ll be amazed at what a big impression such a small gesture can make. I promise you it won’t go unnoticed.

Remember: it doesn’t have to be 40 days of consecutive perfection; it’s about 40 days of conscious effort to be a better person, and a better leader. Even if you fall off the proverbial bandwagon occasionally, it’s okay! Try putting a dollar in a jar every time you realize you’ve broken your commitment, and after your 40 days, donate the money in the jar to charity. No matter how often you put money in the “oops” jar, you still get to call a “do over” the next day!

And the best part? It doesn’t matter which 40 days you choose, whether at the start of the new year, during your summer vacation or any other time. By the end of your 40 Day Leadership Challenge, others will feel the difference through smoother and more collaborative exchanges, and your new patterns should start to feel natural and replace the old ones. That’s the best way to build the foundation of a new kind of leadership that makes others want to follow suit.

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Want to discuss your potential 40-Day Leadership Challenge? Email me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click to set up a 20-minute focus call with me personally.

Categories
Best Practices Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

Managing Reverse Culture Shock

We’re all familiar with the principle of “culture shock,” reflecting the surprises and challenges of living and working abroad. Comparatively, you’d think it would be easy to move back home after the assignment is complete. Surprisingly, however, readjusting to the home culture and office is often harder than going abroad in the first place, a phenomenon known as “reverse culture shock,” or “reentry adjustment.” I certainly encountered this personally upon returning to the US after spending a couple of years in Japan. Here are some reasons why, and strategies to help ease that transition so that, contrary to the popular expression, you can go home again.

First, whether you’re abroad for a year or a decade, the fact is that, whether or not you realize it, you have changed as a result of your experiences, and your home (and home office) environment has evolved over time as well… but not on the same trajectory. Yet you will both expect the other to be the same as when you left at minimum, or even subconsciously expect them to have changed in the same way that you did – whether or not you recognize exactly how.

Plus, once you’ve adapted to the new language and cultural expectations, there’s a good chance that a lot of those new behaviors and expectations will have become second nature, often because you have learned to appreciate the principles that those behaviors reflect. For me, I was always a very direct speaker, but learned to appreciate and comfortably use the comparatively subtle approach in Japanese, which is the Japanese norm, based on promoting respect and harmony. Unfortunately, when using similar strategies in English back home, I sounded wishy-washy to my American peers.

When you return to your home office, others may respond to these new habits with resistance and skepticism. If you start to recognize this pattern, have a heartfelt conversation with your team, explaining what’s behind the new behaviors. Don’t go into tons of detail, and don’t present it in a way that seems like you’re bragging about your experience abroad. Smile, and let them know that you understand their reaction because it’s exactly how you reacted when you first encountered those patterns when you first arrived overseas. Depending on what the change is, you may just need some time shift back to the original style. Alternatively, once they understand the change, they may decide they appreciate the rationale for it and want to adopt it too.

Another key cause of reentry adjustment is that you expect to be surprised in one way or another when you go to a foreign country, but not when you return home. You know that the new language, culture, and norms abroad – from foods and table manners to what it means to show respect – will probably differ unpredictably from what you’re used to, for better or worse. But you also assume that it should be easy to return home because – in theory – you already know all the rules of the game.

On the contrary, this isn’t always the case. When I went to live and work in Japan, and studied the language and culture, I was very explicitly instructed how to do everything from gift exchange rituals to protocols for conducting meetings. I learned the rules consciously. Then when I moved back to the US, I committed a variety of little faux pas because I realized I didn’t know how to shift back! So many of my original American practices had been learned unconsciously; I had done things a certain way because it’s the way everyone did them, so I was just going with the flow, as it were. I never thought about why I used certain English words, American gestures, or routines. Without being equally able to articulate the “rules,” there was occasionally an awkward feeling of uncertainty.

Part of the solution, simply put, is to expect similar surprises – likely on mundane little things – upon completing an extended stay overseas. More importantly, when they happen, be patient and forgiving with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes, and when you do, remind yourself that this is normal. If necessary, apologize, but again, share the cause: you were simply on “auto pilot” from living abroad. The best remedy is to have a sense of humor about it and laugh at yourself, which is also an invitation to others to laugh with you. This builds mutual empathy, educates others, and promotes support to help you make the rest of the transition to your new life in the old country.

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Are you or is someone you know struggling with reverse culture shock? Email me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to set up a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally.

Categories
Best Practices Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

There’s No Crying in Baseball – Or Business

“Are you crying?… There’s no crying in baseball!” That line was immortalized forever by Tom Hanks as baseball coach Jimmy Dugan in the 1992 hit movie A League Of Their Own about the women in professional baseball during World War II. The sentiment was echoed by a panel of executive women last night at an event I attended. When the moderator asked, “Is it ever okay to cry at work?” all four women gave an instant and simultaneous thumbs-down. This started me thinking about other emotional behaviors that are not acceptable for women or men, and how to express them more appropriately in the workplace.

Beyond tears, I think the most challenging one is anger. Anger is an emotion that we all feel at times, but how can it be expressed appropriately? We’ve all probably had the misfortune of witnessing a boss berating an employee, often in sight or earshot of others. While the employee is momentarily humiliated, the person who loses more respect is the boss who lost control and felt compelled to tear someone down in public. Regardless of the error made or how justifiably furious you are, there are right ways and wrong ways to express it.

First, you need to ensure that the language stays professional, not personal. Asking (even if not calmly) “How could this have happened?!” is very different from yelling “How could you be so stupid?!” Even if you’ve had multiple conversations with the person about costly, sloppy work in the past, it’s important to keep the discussion focused on the behaviors: “This is the second time you have missed critical details that have cost us time and a significant amount of money. You got an oral warning the first time, so this time I need to make a formal note in your records. If it happens again, I’ll be required to escalate it with HR.” If you want to curse and scream and call him every name in the book, fine – but do it in your car on the drive home when nobody can hear you, or take out your frustrations on the heavy bag at the gym. When you return to the office the next day, keep discourse civil and focus on finding solutions.

Anger is also toxic because it tends to lead to other destructive communication behavior, particularly scapegoating. Maybe nobody on your team made an egregious error, but perhaps a client backed out of a deal you were desperately counting on. Or a blizzard in the Midwest wreaked havoc on your delivery schedule across the region. While these kinds of situations are understandably stressful, it’s important to manage that stress and be careful not to take out your frustrations on others, whether your peers, employees, vendors, other clients, or family.

If you know that you get short-tempered and tend to snap at people when you’re in a bad mood, proactively communicate this to those around you: “I know we’re all working as hard as we can to solve this problem, and none of us caused it. For the next day or so, if I seem particularly short with you, let me apologize in advance; please know that it is not about you so do not take it personally. Thanks for your diligent efforts and patience at this difficult time.” Then, of course, make sure that you don’t make the language personal, and if you do speak harshly to someone who didn’t deserve it, be sure to apologize to them personally afterwards.

Of course, as with all communication, context is key. Someone else on yesterday’s panel made reference to a double standard in which it was okay for Joe Biden to cry in public, but it would not have been okay for Hillary Clinton to do so. I think that was an overstatement, given that Joe Biden wasn’t crying time and again out of frustration because the Republicans were pushing back on the Affordable Care Act. He only cried once in public, and it was while talking about the tragic loss of his son. It was a moment of palpable grief, and the country mourned with him. In a similar situation, if – heaven forbid – something equally awful had happened to Chelsea, and Hillary had wept as Joe did in the moment as a parent overcome with grief, I think it actually would have helped her. Ironically, it would have made her appear more human and relatable, which were two deficits that plagued her campaign. There is a time and a place for everything.

In the end, there are certain emotional behaviors that have no place in business. Recognizing what they are is crucial, but so is having coping mechanisms in place to deal with those triggering emotions when they arise. Not only does incorporating these mechanisms help you do your job more effectively, but doing so transparently and explicitly so others understand your intention is a great opportunity to mentor and teach leadership by example.

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Do you or does someone you know struggle with managing how they express their emotions in the workplace? Or do you have other questions or feedback about this issue? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

Why Everyone Should Speak Like a Leader

In Machiavelli’s classic, The Prince, he weighs the relative importance of being loved or being feared as the best motivator of one’s “subjects.” In today’s workplace, those are not typically viewed as the default “either-or” choice regarding the most important qualities in a leader, but research shows that there are other, less intuitive factors that have been shown to inspire trust in leadership and cultivate a willingness to follow.

A recent study indicated that at the heart of all relationships, both professional and personal, are two factors: whether you are “competent,” and whether you are “warm”. “Warmth” is important because it implies a lack of intentional threat. And “competence” balances warmth because it indicates that you won’t accidentally cause someone harm either. The combination of both allows people to trust in someone’s potential as a leader. To me, it poses an interestingly defense-oriented approach to the perception of leadership.

But it’s more than whether or not you are warm and competent: the other half of the equation is whether other people believe that you have both of these qualities. If this is true, it begs the question of how these broad definitions of warmth and competence are recognized. This is where the ability to speak like a leader comes in becomes of critical importance.

What does warmth sound like? What about competence? We tend to think of warmth in terms of feelings and behaviors, and competence in terms of skills, but based on the above explanation of what warmth and competence represent, the way you communicate your intentions and executions will drastically influence your credibility on both fronts.

Let’s look at a few influential factors, to ensure that your communication style allows your warmth and competence to shine through.

Word choice

Of course your message needs to be factually accurate and true, but it goes beyond that. When you explain something, do you give more jargon-laden detail than the listener wants, needs or can understand? Does it seem like you are avoiding answering certain questions or omitting other details? These habits can undermine the perception of warmth because it seems like you don’t really understand or trust me, and if you don’t trust me, why would I trust you?

Alternatively, if you use lots of fillers like um, you know, I mean, or sort of, it seems like you lack confidence in what you’re saying, which erodes the perception of competence.

Using relatable anecdotes and clear organization, on the other hand, make it much easier for the listener to understand your meaning. This transparency allows them to see you as a more trustworthy leader.

Articulation

Once you know what you want to say, the way the words roll – or stumble – off the tongue, will either help propel the listener along with you, or make them hit the brakes. Do you speak at a volume that is easy for everyone to hear, and at a speed that is easy to follow? Does your inflection highlight important words, indicating your personal interest in the topic and adding vocal interest for the listener? If so, all of these practices will reinforce your image of warmth and competence because it shows you are considering and prioritizing the needs of the audience. Mumbling, rushing, and monotonous, run-on sentences will all have the opposite effect.

Facial expressions

Tying it all up, your physical communication is, ironically, the strongest of the three communication modes when it comes to your appearance of credibility. No matter how much expertise you demonstrate in your content, and how strong or clear your voice is, facial expressions such as occasional eye-rolling, unintentional frowning when concentrating, eye contact (or lack thereof), or chewing on your lip can signal your deeper, underlying negative feelings about what you are saying, from arrogance and contempt to insecurity. Remember to smile when appropriate, make eye contact with everyone without staring them down, and keep a neutral listening face in order to reassure the audience of the sincerity of your intentions.

Regardless of the seniority of your position, bearing these points in mind will help you reinforce the impression of being both warm and competent, and come across as a natural leader.

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Do you have other questions or feedback about effective leadership communication? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

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When You Should – And Should NOT – Memorize a Speech

I coach people on how to be persuasive and compelling in a variety of contexts, one of which is in preparation for giving a formal speech or presentation. This fall I’ve coached three TED talks, helped CFOs prepare for board meetings, directed dozens of entrepreneurs through their investor pitches, and prepared executives to deliver webinars to their global teams. But in all of these scenarios, one question always comes up: “Should I memorize the script?”

The simple answer is: it depends.

Disclaimer: I am a linguist, not an actor, so it never feels natural to recite scripted lines, even if I can deliver them naturally. However, there is a time and a place for it. Let’s look at how to make this decision, and then you can decide how to approach your next presentation.

Time Limits

There are time limits to most engagements, and the shorter your window, the more memorization can help ensure that you hit your key points before you run out of time.

When you have an extremely tight window, e.g. a two-minute elevator pitch, you can’t afford to fumble around searching for the right words. Even if you don’t memorize your whole spiel, if you plan to share an anecdote or explain a process, those can be good segments to rehearse and hone so you can recite them verbatim when the time comes.

Managing Audience Interaction

On the other hand, if you know that the audience can interrupt at any time with questions and comments, you’ll get completely derailed if you are relying exclusively on memorized lines. Once you can resume, there’s a good chance you’ve either forgotten where you left off or you remember, but it no longer flows naturally from the conversation.

Plus, if you have to respond extemporaneously to the comment, your speech style will probably sound different than during your memorized portion. This is a dead giveaway that you’re speaking from a script rather than from the heart.

Again, as I mentioned above, it can be useful to memorize certain excerpts, but be able to stray from the script as needed or desirable in the moment.

Visual Aids

Notice that this resource is called “visual aids,” not “visual crutches.” A well-designed slide serves three basic purposes: It adds visual interest, makes the content easier for the audience to process, and serves as a prompt to remind the speaker what to discuss next.

The worst slides are the ones that are shortened versions of the speaker’s script, which the speaker then reads aloud off the screen in front of everyone. I have just one suggestion here: DON’T.

If you can read a lot of your script off your slide, so can your audience, at which point they don’t need you anymore. Keep the slides simple and textually sparse; put the full sentences and paragraphs in your talking points instead. The audience should be able to glance at a slide for a brief moment, understand the main point, and then turn their attention back to you as the source of more information.

Overall, scripts are not inherently evil; as I’ve explained above, they can be a great tool, and sometimes they’re even required. I have clients whose legal department needs to vet the language of any presentation intended for shareholders. (Note: If you ever want help writing engaging dialogue, do NOT ask the legal department!) But there are definitely some that are well written and effective, and those that are not.

Whether or not you script out your whole talk, speech or presentation, the goal is to ensure that it enables you to projects your true authority, confidence and leadership.

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Do you struggle with public speaking or know someone who does? Contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to set up a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally.

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Combating Employee Apathy

Today I had lunch with a friend who is a cognitive neuroscientist. She was telling me about her research that identifies which patients are more likely to comply with their doctor’s instructions – whether regarding diet, medication, smoking, etc. – and which are likely to ignore instructions and continue their unhealthy habits, undeterred. She said there was one variable that was the strongest predictor of which path a person would choose: whether or not they demonstrated apathy.

In that situation, apathy stemmed from a variety of beliefs ranging from denial that the risks of their current lifestyle were as severe as doctors claimed, to lack of confidence that they would be able to maintain the new routine, or fear that it would simply be too much work. Whereas her examples pertained to healthcare, I realized that the apathy factor is just as obstructive in leadership and motivation.

For me, the question of converting apathy into motivation brings up an interesting question regarding who is responsible for this change. To what extent is it the employee’s responsibility to motivate themselves to perform better, and to what extent is it yours, as their supervisor, to help them find a reason to feel motivated?

An apathetic employee can be toxic to an organization. The longer you let them be, the more damage they can cause. Some would say that these are the employees you need to terminate, and soon. But sometimes it’s not that simple, such as when the company process for termination can take months or longer, and require substantial consistent documentation. Plus, many have the potential to turn around and become productive contributors with the right guidance and opportunities.

But how can you recognize apathy early on, before it’s too late?

There are a variety of warning signs of apathy. As all communication is conveyed through three primary channels – verbal, vocal and visual – let’s take a look at some of the signs in each area.

Verbally, listen for specific comments that indicate that someone is not on board, or doubts the value or validity of what he or she has heard. Passive-aggressive comments like, “Whatever,” “Here we go again,” or “it doesn’t matter what I say because nothing is going to change anyway,” are clear indicators that there is a serious disconnect between their perception of a situation and yours. Alternatively, a lack of voluntary, proactive engagement in conversations may indicate a lack of interest or a lack of confidence in something. Try to notice patterns in the person’s comments, as the words he uses will often either implicitly or explicitly indicate the nature of the problem.

Sometimes, however, the words themselves may not overtly indicate a problem, but as the saying goes, “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” It becomes important to listen past the words to their delivery. Vocally, when that person speaks, do they sound interested in the topic, or tend to mumble their way through most conversations? Are they rushing through their comments like they just want to get the meeting over with? Is there something in their voice that sounds anxious, frustrated, terse, sad or distracted? What if you’re not sure what you’re hearing? The answer is simple: Ask.

Finally, trust your eyes. Look for behaviors that indicate a lack of connection, such as substandard performance, poor attendance, or lack of participation in group conversations or activities. Physical and behavioral signs can also include sighs of resignation or exasperation, eye-rolling or lack of eye contact, poor posture, and frowning.

It’s not to say that the occasional demonstration of any of these signs is an immediate red flag; after all, we all have good days and bad days. But when the behavioral exception turns into the rule, it’s time to give it a second look.

At that point once you have identified some patterns, it’s critical to speak with the employee and get to the heart of the apathy. You can’t determine a solution, or even guide someone else to finding their own solution, unless you find out what the root cause of the problem is. Often, apathy can be an indirect cry for help.

This kind of conversation can be one of the most intimidating and challenging conversation for leaders, but whatever you do, don’t ignore apathy. For those who are conflict-averse to start with, the issue is fraught with hazards and uncomfortable topics from the employee’s objectively poor performance to their subjectively negative attitude. If you need some help in broaching this discussion, check out my previous post and video for strategies and tips on how to initiate sensitive conversations.

You might discover that they don’t understand the importance of their role or how their work fits into the big picture. Alternatively, the work could be too easy and thus unstimulating, or too difficult and thus overwhelming. Maybe they are dealing with a stressful home situation such as a sick and elderly parent or child with special needs. Or they could feel like they don’t know how to fit into the company or departmental culture, which can be demoralizing.

Naturally, some of those issues are easier to address than others in helping the employee find solutions that inspire internal or intrinsic motivation (see Sharon Smith’s series here on this issue). But through constructive dialogue, you can determine mutually beneficial and responsible steps to take, such as empowering the employee with training for greater skills development and future career opportunities…. Or you may jointly decide that it’s in everyone’s best interest for you to introduce the employee to someone outside the company who could offer them a position that they will find fulfilling, and leave of their own volition, on good terms. But sometimes, just knowing that you noticed and cared enough to ask what’s going on can be a huge first step toward overcoming apathy, and changing attitudes, behaviors and performance.

Of course, the employee has to make the ultimate choice for him or herself, but part of leading and mentoring is helping people gain new perspectives and grow. The best leaders can find the right path to lead anyone.