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Category: Personal Development

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Growth Management Skills Women In Business

Three Ways To Show You Believe In Others

The last person who had a stellar career without help from anyone whatsoever was … well … no one. So it makes no sense to lead as if the people around you never need help getting where they, and you, want them to go. In fact, just the opposite is true. If you want to create leaders who are Greater Than Yourself – and that should be your goal, by the way – then you need to express a deep belief in people, because none of us get very far without someone who believes in us more than we believe in ourselves.

If you struggle to believe in certain people, consider it your problem, not theirs. They were hired for a reason, so treat them like they deserve the job, address their skills gaps, and then lead them with an I-believe-in-you attitude that inspires their success. If you do this consistently over time, most people will succeed.

But how can you show people you believe in them? Glad you asked. Here are three ways:

Give Them Some Rope. Irnande Altema, who now is chief of staff for a state senator, recalls gravitating toward a supervisor early in her career because he saw her potential and gave her “several assignments so I could grow and develop.” That wasn’t always easy for Altema, but it probably wasn’t always easy for the supervisor, either.

When you believe in people, you push them out of their comfort zone even if it takes you out of yours. You give them responsibilities that stretch them, knowing that sometimes they will fail. Then you celebrate with them when they do well and support them when they struggle. And they may struggle. But if they know you believe in them, they seldom will lack for effort.

Serve Them Healthy Ego Biscuits. As a first-generation professional, Altema points out that she’s been prone to the “imposter syndrome” – the fear that you really aren’t good enough for the job you’ve been given. Her supervisor gave her regular reminders that she was “capable,” she said, but he also followed that by helping her create practical strategies to accomplish her goals. In other words, he didn’t just give her fluffy pastry compliments.

“He has more belief than I knew could exist, which makes me more diligent to not disappoint him or myself,” she said. “My confidence grows with each conversation and encouraging word he says to me. Now, I believe in me when others may not.”

Often, if we paint a portrait of who a person can become, that person will end up seeing himself or herself that way and begin to live that way. Darren Pierre said in elementary school he made low grades, was limited in his expression, and was growing up in a troubled home. Now he has a Ph.D., writes books, and gives talks frequently about the “power of speaking to a person’s potential.” Why did he make the change? Because a fourth-grade teacher believed in him and helped him see a different portrait for his life.

“What my teacher did was speak to who she knew me to be and not who I was showing up as,” Pierre said. “In doing so, she invited me and challenged me to do more, be more, and expect more of myself.”

Extend Grace but Speak the Truth. When Fred Winchar was a young manager, he recalls the power of belief expressed in one of his supervisors. Fred didn’t always handle his managerial authority well, but his supervisor never threw him under the bus.

“He ultimately would bear that responsibility to his higher ups, but he would also call me into his office and, without being a monster to me, make it very clear that my actions as a manager had a direct impact on both people and finances,” said Winchar, who now is president of Max Cash Title Loans. “He taught me how to pause. Think before I act. Take into consideration that each mistake could be an opportunity to learn. Take responsibility for my decisions. He was powerful yet not pretentious.”

If you spend much time reading or listening to self-help gurus, you’ll hear a lot about the importance of believing in yourself. And rightly so. But as an Extreme Leader, extending that belief to others is how you have the biggest impact.

 

Categories
Growth Human Resources Management Personal Development

5 Elements to Improve Speed of Change

5 Elements Improve Speed in Your Organization with Self-Management

Birds flock.  Why?  They are cooperating to find food, shelter, and avoid predators more quickly and easily.  How do they flock?  Hard-wired into their brains are the principles of flying at the same average speed, distance, and direction as their closest neighbors.  The hard-wired principles enable them to behave instinctively and accomplish the three goals more quickly and easily (shelter, food, and safety).  They are a self-organizing social system.  Their success depends on the cooperation of all the birds following all the hard-wired skills.

Can an organization operate as a self-organizing and/or self-management system, and should it?  Yes! Nature holds examples of self-organizing systems (birds, bees, ants etc.) and we can also find them in our economy.  WAZE, Lyft, Uber, Wikipedia and even the internet are all examples of self-organizing and self-management systems.  Can we apply these ideas in our organizations and teams?  Just as the success for the birds depends on cooperation to follow principles, success in organizations depends on cooperation of the people.

There is an important distinction between self- management and manager-dependency. Most organizations have a manager-dependent environment.  For example, in the typical organization managers are expected to know the answers and to solve the problems. They are expected to be omniscient and omnipotent.  They are expected to provide feedback to employees to create improved performance.  That is why they are often promoted to the manager.  They once did they job and so they have all the answers.

A manager-dependent environment encourages employees wait to receive ideas for improvement from their managers before making any significant changes in performance.  There is a hesitation to try new things for fear of being criticized or evaluated by the manager.    A manager-dependent environment creates fear and therefore less innovation.  Self-Management increases employee engagement and innovation.  Employees create their own feedback mechanisms and can act autonomously.  This accelerates the decisions and therefore accelerates the ability to adapt to changes.  It improves speed.

When my daughter Emily was 12, one morning she missed her school bus.  She was very upset and came downstairs to my office crying, “Dad, I missed the bus.  Can you take me to school?”  Of course I agreed but then asked her a question, “what do you need to do to catch the bus on your own from now on?’  She looked at me in a thoroughly confused manner.  At that moment I was not sure she could think of an idea.

When she arrived home that afternoon she said, “Dad, I thought about what you asked.   If you buy me a timer I will set it 5 minutes before the bus arrives and if it goes off I will know I only have 5 minutes left.  I can then easily catch the bus.”

I told her that sounded great.  I also asked her what else she could do to be prepared in the morning.  She said she would set her books out by the front door right before bed time.  For the next 2-1/2 years she used this method and always caught the bus on time.  She self-managed her ability to catch the bus by creating and following her own process.

How to increase speed.  To become more highly competitive organizations must ask employees to make more decisions on their own.  A recent book about the virtues of talent management has just been published.  It reinforces the Jack Welch management methods.  Welch insisted on providing frequent honest feedback with complete candor.  In my experience managers don’t have that kind of time to provide frequent feedback.  They lack the time and the skills to constantly be observing employees and providing feedback.   Managers should instead rely more on employee, trust them more, and facilitate them creating their own answers to their own problems just as my daughter was able to identify a way to catch her bus.

The 5 Elements

For employees to figure out ways to self-manage their own performance, a leader can clarify and communicate the key principles that will enable all employees to self-manage.  The five principles are Vision, Mission, Values, Strategy, and an effective Leadership Theory.  The leadership theory that provides the best opportunity for self-management is Dr. W. Edwards Deming’s Theory of Profound Knowledge.

A leader’s first responsibility is to create an environment that facilitates performance improvement. Those interested in accelerating results and performance need to be courageous and trust that employees can create their own solutions.  It requires a method to create an environment of trust and self-organization through the clarity of the 5 principles.

A manager-dependent environment is slow and talent management often includes a ranking of employees, rewarding the top performers and “yanking out” the poorer performers.  This policy and practice creates unnecessary competition minimizing the opportunity for innovation.  The “birds” will not naturally cooperate in this environment.

A leader can clarify the key principles which will allow the “bird” to self-manage.  Clarifying the strategic initiatives, the vision and mission enables employees to create their own objectives and methods for performance improvement.  With autonomy comes choice.  With choice comes engagement.  With engagement comes performance.   With self-management comes speed.

Wally Hauck, PhD has a cure for the “deadly disease” known as the typical performance appraisal.  Wally holds a doctorate in organizational leadership from Warren National University, a Master of Business Administration in finance from Iona College, and a bachelor’s degree in philosophy from the University of Pennsylvania.   Wally is a Certified Speaking Professional or CSP.  Wally has a passion for helping leaders let go of the old and embrace new thinking to improve leadership skills, employee engagement, and performance.

 

Categories
Best Practices Management Marketing Personal Development

What Aren’t Your Customers Telling You?

What Aren’t Your Customers Telling You

During a recent podcast, the interviewer asked me, “What is a question that other interviewers have not asked that you would like me to ask?” I’ve never been posed that question before in over 100 interviews.

The conversation was being recorded and felt pressure to answer quickly. I was unable to process the request at a conscious level. As a result, I ended up sharing something that I have only shared with a few close friends and colleagues. This shocked me.

Her question got me thinking.

Focus groups and surveys are powerful tools that innovators use to gather perspectives on their customers. Recruiters use interviews to discern more about job applicants. Friends even use a form of these to learn what other people think about them, their choices, or their personality.

Unfortunately, the way these approaches are traditionally done yields answers that are limited in value.

The reality is, people make decisions based on their subconscious beliefs, not conscious ones. And they are usually quite different. If you ask typical questions and give people time to ruminate over their responses, they will reply with what they believe to be true or what they think you want to hear. This is conscious thinking at work.

Another reason these approaches often don’t get to the heart of the matter is because the process of asking questions inadvertently “leads the witness” and biases their responses. The questions we ask impact the range of possible answers.

But what people don’t tell you may in fact be more valuable than what they tell you.

Given this, after using the approaches above, try asking one or more of the following questions:

  • What is something you are afraid to tell me?
  • What is something that you have never told anyone else that might be relevant to this conversation?
  • What is something you have not told me that you think might be valuable?
  • What is a question I did not ask that I should have asked?
  • What is a question you wish I asked that I didn’t?
  • What is something I should know that you did not tell me?
  • What is something positive (about the product, concept, idea) that you have not told me?
  • What is something negative that you have not told me?

And don’t given them a lot of time to contemplate the “right” answer. You want them to answer quickly. Gut reaction.

Make up your own questions. Of course to ask questions like these you need to create a safe environment where people feel comfortable saying what they truly believe with no repercussions.

Use these questions with everyone: prospects, clients, people who never bought from you (and might never), friends, family members, colleagues, your boss, co-workers, or anyone who might have a valuable insight to share to generate.

Ask your clients these types of questions about your services. Ask former customers questions like this about your products or the products of your competitors.

The goal of these questions is to gather insights that would not be available to you through traditional methods such as surveys and focus groups.

If done correctly, you will more than likely be unable to predict their response.

And their reply may come as a surprise to them as well – just like when I was asked one of those questions. These are the valuable responses you want obtain because it uncovers their subconscious beliefs – the beliefs that drive behaviors.

 

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

One Personal Finance Podcast You Need to Know

One Personal Finance Podcast You Need to Know

(Your boy is this week’s featured guest on a personal finance podcast that gets millions of downloads…and I’m proud to share that my episode set a single day record for downloads – over 10,000! Read on to download and listen to said record-breaking episode below.)

Here’s a podcast you need to know: ChooseFI (FI stands for Financial Independence)

They launched only 6 months ago and they’re already getting millions of downloads.

They’re trending towards being a top-10 business podcast on iTunes.

 

Why Are These Guys So Popular?

The Financial Independence movement, or FI, is a small but rapidly growing community of freedom-enthusiasts who are committed to achieving financial freedom in a radically short period of time, such as 3-5 years.

Meaning, you save enough money in 3-5 years that you can leave the workforce, live off the interest income stream of your savings and live a lifestyle of your own design.
Sounds insane, unrealistic and impossible right?

Except there’s an entire movement of people already living this lifestyle.

The ChooseFI podcast is showing people how to make this Everest-type goal approachable, practical and attainable by focusing on 3 simple pillars:

  1. Reducing spending
  2. Increasing income
  3. Investing the savings to provide income stream when you leave the labor market

Every episode is packed with super actionable techniques – like how to start your journey to socking away 50-80% of your annual income, paying off debt in radically truncated periods of time, investment strategies, and travel rewards hacking.

What I love about this movement is that it addresses financial drift – and puts the tools back in your hands to design a financial future that you can’t wait to live into.

 

I’m Episode #33’s Featured Guest

I was their featured guest on episode #33, marking their first venture into the personal development arena.

The result?

They broke a new single-day record with over 10,000 downloads yesterday (32% over their previous record).

I’m not bragging but…

We unpack the key concepts of my book Design Your Future: Stop Drifting and Start LivingIn this episode:

  • How to know if you’re drifting in life? Is your life path based on fear?
  • Why most people feel a lack of “progress” in their lives and why this experience can feel subtly devastating
  • How to interrupt your limiting patterns of beliefs and behaviors
  • Practical steps on how to design a future you can’t wait to live into

Check out episode #33 of the ChooseFI podcast by clicking here.

-DQ

PS – If you have a commute, a workout or long plane ride coming up, you definitely need to check out this ChooseFI podcast.

Categories
Best Practices Human Resources Management Marketing Personal Development Women In Business

How to Win More Negotiations — Focus Your Thoughts


“Be leery of the man that attempts to sell you someone else’s clothes when he himself is unclothed. That’s when he may be engaged in a diversion.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert, www.TheMasterNegotiator.com

To win more negotiations, you should focus your thoughts. That’s to say, you should be very thoughtful of what you’re thinking during the negotiation, why you have such thoughts, and where those thoughts might lead. To do otherwise could mean you’re led haphazardly towards a negotiation outcome that doesn’t serve your goals of the negotiation. Observe the following to increase the focus of your thoughts in a negotiation.

Breaking News: Do you take note of how and when TV News organizations flash that moniker across/on the screen? At that moment they’re attempting to grab your attention from what you were focusing on and directing it to what they want you to focus on. In most cases, the breaking news is nothing that would really demand you lend your attention to, but they’ve captured your focus, which was their intent. If you raise your awareness to what’s being attempted by such ploys in a negotiation, you’ll focus your thoughts on not losing your focus per what’s important to your negotiation effort.

Be mindful of when timeouts are called: When timeouts are called in a negotiation, note the reason cited for the timeout and assess the reasoning validity. As an example, if you happen to be winning the negotiation or a point in that process, and the opposing negotiator asks to take a break, he could be doing so to slow your momentum, take the time to gather additional insights/thoughts, and/or to refresh himself. All such insights will give you guidance per what may be occurring in his mind, as to the reasoning he called a timeout. Thus, it may or may not behoove you to grant his request, depending on how hard you wish to push at that time and/or what your next move is intended to achieve. The point is, be aware when there’s a shift in the negotiation and what may have occurred to cause it.

Diversions – Sizzlin’ Korean BBQ: Take note of what the opposing negotiator is asking you to focus on. Question yourself, and possibly her, why she’s asking you to lend your attention to the point she’s highlighting. Note the same when you make a point and attempts are made to divert it. Ask yourself, why was my point given less credence? Why doesn’t she want to address my point and what implications does that have?

In a negotiation, the other negotiator may not tell you how to think, but he may attempt to direct your thoughts by suggesting what you should think about. In so doing, he’s controlling you and the negotiation. To the degree that you think of what you’re thinking about, why you have such thoughts and how those thoughts are aligned with the goals you seek for the negotiation, you’ll combat his efforts while promoting the outcome you seek.

By focusing on what you think about and why you have such thoughts, you’ll be in more control of the negotiation, which will allow you to win more negotiations … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

 

 

 

Categories
Growth Personal Development Women In Business

Belle’s World – Wealth

Do you consider yourself to be emotionally and financially wealthy?

The world is changing around us on a daily basis.  We have multi-generations in the workforce (more than 2 and about to be 4), technology evolving at exponential speeds and changing paradigms on our purpose driven lifestyles.  One aspect of this is the perception of the impact and importance of pursuing emotional and financial wealth for our journey of life.  Are both achievable and how do individuals gain them?

I consider myself emotionally wealthy beyond measure.  I have a life family of 32 units in addition to the support of my blood family in times of need.  I live a nomadic lifestyle without any ties and yet am able to provide the support my clients need when and where they need it.  I am there to have experiences and memories with those in my life family that truly brighten my life journey.  I wasn’t always living this lifestyle.  It’s taken years of self awareness and years of pursuing only financial wealth to get to me to a place where I can start with emotional wealth and rebuild my financial wealth.  I was a corporate executive for almost 20 years and then spent the last 3 years focusing on me. I left the corporate world and explored the world through people and places.  I’ve been called a rational free spirit by many in my world as I “flit” around the world yet always end up on my feet strong and steady to support myself.  This time around, the life family (my emotional wealth) has been there in spades to support me as I restart building my financial wealth all over again.  I don’t believe that if I only had financial wealth and I was emotionally ruined that it would be as easy to build up my emotional wealth.  Yet, at this juncture the process of building up financial wealth has been easier because of the support system of the life family.

I work with many clients that are wealthy beyond words.  They can spend money and buy multiple houses, go on the best vacations, buy items they want when they want and on and on.  They are successful business people who are strong leaders and will not back down from supporting their people in business.  However, many are emotionally struggling in many different ways.  For some its not being able to have honest conversations with spouses about how they feel in the marriage as time has gone by.  Many of them have lost the intimacy they started out with when they were young but as children, life, and business have come along they have lost it.  Each one of them wants to go in different directions – Some want to be able to open the doors of building those relationships again and some don’t (but they don’t want to hurt the other person either).  The partner relationship is important to them because they feel like they have a companion and it gives an illusion of not being alone.  This is where there is a crack in true emotional wealth as the companion is no longer a true partner but just a facade for the rest of the world.  In many cases, the financial wealth is a deterrent to changing the situation and so the individual believes there is only one choice but to continue to pursue financial wealth as a distraction and not pursue creating emotional wealth which is done through relationships in any form.  With the life span of humans getting longer there are many individuals who are making a choice to live their journey in life giving up who they truly for the golden handcuffs of financial wealth.  Many don’t even realize that their personal struggles and not having the right emotional wealth is actually preventing them from growing further in their financial wealth.

Another phenomenon that I continue to see is happening due to longer lives.  Many successful business folks are realizing that the business environment is changing and what has made them successful may not keep them at the top of their game.  However, they are in their 60’s, 70’s and sometimes 80’s and still have the mental and physical capacity to run businesses.  Many of them are trying to re-asses what is their purpose in life now and how do they want to continue on that journey.  Many don’t want to just retire and go travel the world. They want to run businesses, travel and have a life.  They have the financial means to do it but they don’t know how to find a way to do it with the right support system.  The support system is static and wants them to give up the business and just travel together.  In other instances, the support system is wondering what they have to prove at continuing to work at such a late stage of their life instead of just enjoying life.  Their support system doesn’t understand that they are driven and motivated by keeping their mind active and continuing to create wealth (whether for children, spouse, family or even themselves).  Many boomers were given a path of education, marriage, children, house (build your financial wealth) and enjoy it when you retire.  However, they don’t want to retire because they still have a lot to give.  I work with my clients to give them insights into how they can have the lifestyles they want (emotional wealth) and continue to build upon their financial wealth and make an impact on society.

There are many financially wealthy people who are also emotionally wealthy but they have spent a great deal of time cultivating the right relationships and having honest conversations to be at a point that they can achieve both financial and emotional wealth in their journey of life.   Do you know of individuals who have achieved both and would be willing to chat with me about their journey?  As I continue my work into this dynamic, I am writing a book around the impact and importance of both in our changing world and any input is much appreciated.

Do you know folks who could benefit from having a sounding board as they build up their emotional wealth and continue on their life journey that will provide them and those around them with fulfillment?  Send them over to me to chat about how we can work together to increase their emotional wealth.

 

Do you actively build your emotional wealth in the same manner you build your financial wealth?

Welcome to Belle’s world. Everything in this world is based on a bell curve. Our media concentrates on giving advice to make everyone be a part of the masses.

This is a weekly series of Urvi’s insights on her perception of the world. They say perception is reality and she lives in her own fantasy world. This allows her to delve into the human element of our lives, helping individuals decipher their own souls, to understand, who they are and what they want, in the journey of life.

Belle’s world explores the extremes and goes beyond the surface. Ready to read about some of the “elephants in the room?”

Contact urvi, if you want to build your emotional wealth and enhance your life based on your inner core.  A confidential and non judgement zone that allows you to begin to flourish in life, love, career, wealth – your personal journey.  #thehumanelement

Categories
Growth Personal Development Women In Business

I’m Outta Here

I’m Outta Here…

Why are 2-Million Americans fleeing their jobs each month? This is an alarming fact. Begs the question what are corporate leaders doing to keep them?

A recent study by Accenture reports:

1) They don’t like their boss (31%),

2) A lack of empowerment (31%),

3) Internal politics (35%) and

4) Lack of recognition (43%).

In total, according to Accenture, 40 percent of men and 25 percent of women want to become their own boss. With the highest percentage being GenX’ers. (Ages 32-58).

Understanding the Five Core Values of Generation X

  1. Relationships. Relationships are their greatest fear and their greatest need. They have a deep yearning to know and be known, but they are afraid. They are afraid of letting their real self out for fear of being rejected so they maintain the ideal self, the self that others accept—leading to deadly isolation.
  2. Fun. From computer games to bungee jumping, Xers are into fun. One Xer said: “You think money is the basis for our existence when it’s really much simpler: fun is.” Most Xers work to live. They are waiting for the weekend. (Note: Most ESPN “Extreme Games” feature Xers.)
  3. Experience. Subjective experience validates if something is real and good. They want to enjoy life, make a difference, and do something meaningful besides just punching a clock from 9 to 5.
  4. Freedom. They don’t like to be labeled and put in a box. They want to be seen as unique individuals able to make a valuable contribution to society. They are very creative and independent and struggle with limits and rules. They value flexibility and spontaneity.
  5. Family. If Xers have children, they don’t want to make the same mistakes their parents did. They will spend time with their kids. Xer parents, especially dads, seem to be incredibly committed to their children.

Adapted from A Guide to Understanding Generation X Sub-Cultures by Ken Baugh.

Take your time when planning your exit strategy. Remember, the whole point of having a strategy is so you have a clear game plan. If you rush into it without being clear on every aspect of your strategy, you will most likely find yourself in a risky situation.

Connie Pheiff, Unstoppable Speaker

Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post? Want to know how to apply the strategies, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at connie@pheiffgroup.com or CLICK HERE to schedule a 20-minute discovery call to discuss with you personally.

 

Categories
Growth Management Personal Development

Pursue Your Goals With Passion

The summit of Denali (formerly known as Mount McKinley) is 20,310 feet above sea level, and Werner Berger was 200 feet from the peak. Just another 20 minutes of climbing and he would cross the tallest mountain in North America off his list. The weather, however, had turned nasty. And rather than risk getting caught in a whiteout, Berger’s group turned back.

“Everybody was so disappointed for me and wondered how we could possibly quit that close,” Berger told me. “And for me, it was just a complete delight. The climb was just spectacular. I cannot even verbalize how phenomenal it was. Getting to the summit would have been nice, but it was absolutely not essential.”

Berger can teach the rest of us a great deal about pursuing goals while enjoying the experience. It’s something he learned in his business career, his work as a consultant, and, of course, while climbing mountains.

The 77-year-old would reach the summit of Denali on his third attempt and eventually become the oldest person to climb the highest mountain on all seven continents–earning him a spot in the Guinness World Records. (He also happens to be the other half of a septuagenarian power couple with super-networker, Heshie Segal, whom I wrote about in a previous column).

Berger ran a small successful business until retiring at 43, when he “really went into the dumps” for about three years because he had retired “from something” instead of “to something.” He stumbled into a fulfilling career as a consultant, but he didn’t start mountain climbing until he was 55, when he fell in love with the idea after he and his son made a trip to the base camp of Mount Everest.

What I appreciate about Berger is that he understands what he wants and why, goes after his goals with an intense passion and focus, and still enjoys the results regardless of what happens. In business, leaders too often bumble that first part, nail the second part, and totally whiff on the third. So here are some tips for conquering all three.

EMBRACE THE WHY

Many leaders are great at goal-setting, but their goals are based on the expectations of others rather than steeped in self-awareness. Berger’s leadership was enhanced when he asked and answered questions about things like his purpose, the legacy he wanted to leave, and the passions he had that he might have given up on. Berger’s understanding of his why helped him understand his strengths and limitations, while inspiring him to focus on each moment and not give up when the journey grew challenging. With the why answered, we can start pursuing that legacy or that passion, and that’s when we start climbing the metaphorical mountain.

GO TOGETHER

Mountain climbing is a team endeavor, and going through it together as a team builds empathy and trust for the long haul. In business, of course, we need the right people to support us and we need to support them. In addition to that team, we need the right guides to help along the way. This allows us to accomplish what at times are very personal goals while bonding with a community of people and creating something that goes far beyond what we set out to do on our own.

PURSUE THE GOAL WITH PASSION

Berger sets some very specific goals. In fact, right now he’s planning to scale all seven major peaks again by 2020. The goal matters, and so does our passion for the goal. You know how you can tell? Because you can’t let it go. That’s why Berger returned to Denali until he made it to the top.

RELEASE THE RESULTS

This is without a doubt the hardest thing for most leaders to do – maintain a desire to achieve a goal while at the same time allowing the journey to be something in and of itself. “The truth really is that if I had died after my first Denali climb, I would have still been a happy climber,” Berger said. “Because it was an awesome experience.” And, yet, his appreciation of the journey doesn’t make him any less competitive.

That non-attachment to the outcome frees us to live with joy in the moment. And combined with a competitive spirit, it actually gives us a better chance of achieving our goals. Why?

Because our self-absorbed ego is out of the way and we’re self-aware enough to see the big picture when the storms roll in.

 

Categories
Growth Management Personal Development

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear

We’ve all heard the expression “don’t believe everything you hear”? This is not just relevant to what other people say; what about all the inner talk you have going on inside your head?

We all have inner voices and all too often they are not voices of support. There are actually four inner voices that you have, which can hold you back from reaching your goals if you are listening to them. The key is to learn to recognize each voice; so you can stop believing everything you hear.

Plus, if you have these voices in your head, the chances are good that those you work with do also. An important leadership skill is being able to recognize when other people are listening to their inner voices, so you can help them combat these thought patterns that are keeping them from reaching their goals.

Let’s take a look at each.

The Doubting Tom

This is the voice that doubts you are capable of doing something. Here we are talking about things that others are capable of doing, but the doubting tom tells you that you are not capable of doing it. Others refer to these thoughts as limiting beliefs. The doubting Tom says I could never speak on stage, I can’t write a book, I can’t talk to him or her, I can’t speak up in the meeting, I can’t share that idea, I can’t start my own business, etc.

You get the point; the Doubting Tom doubts or is skeptical that what you say you want to do is possible for you. If the voice is getting personal like you are not good enough or smart enough that is actually your inner critic, which we will talk about shortly.

The Storyteller

We all know someone who tells a great story; some of those stories are true and fascinating while others are made from great fiction. When the storyteller voice in your head starts talking, he or she is telling you a fictional story about a situation. “Sally does not like me because she doesn’t smile at me when I always see her smiling at Sam.” The storyteller is telling a story without having the facts.

My favorite example was when my inner storyteller told me that an organization I was doing business with didn’t take my email concern seriously because they had not responded. Granted the storyteller was telling that story within hours of sending the email. The truth was the person I sent the email to was actually working on it and had just not let me know yet. Other reasons could have been the person was out of the office, they were engaged on an important project, or any number of other situations, but my storyteller decided to tell a story that got me all worked up for no reason because this is what the storyteller does best.

The Cynic

This is the voice that says “that will never work” and it’s usually because you have tried something similar before and it did not work last time. The cynic says, “Remember, last time that did not work so why would you try it again?” The cynic uses the past to determine if something is a good idea now and will find reasons why it’s not a good idea.

Of course learning from the past is extremely important and looking at why something did not work before and seeing how you can do it differently this time is smart. But letting the cynic stop you from even considering an idea because something similar did not work last time is a sure-fire way to miss out on great ideas that can help you achieve great results.

The Inner Critic

As I alluded to when talking about the Doubting Tom, there are times that the voice is incident specific and says, “you can’t do that (fill in the blank)”; this is the Doubting Tom holding you back from even trying. However when the voice get’s more personal and starts to attack the essence of who you are by saying “you’re not good enough”, “you’re not smart enough”, “it’s not perfect enough for anyone to see”, etc. that is your Inner Critic. That is the voice that has the strongest hold on you and the one that can be the most paralyzing and devastating to your success.

And while the Inner Critic means well, at least that is what it is telling you, it does not have your best interest at heart. The Inner Critic thinks that it is protecting you from getting hurt, but what it is really doing is stopping you from getting to the next level of your success and growth.

Now you know what these voices sound like and how they are sabotaging you; next week we will dive into the strategies to overcome them, or as my friend Jeffrey Hayzlett said when I interviewed him on C-Suite Success Radio, to “stop inviting them to dinner.”

For more resources, articles, videos, and to listen to C-Suite Success Radio visit www.c-suiteresults.com and for comments or questions email sharon@c-suiteresults.com

 

Categories
Growth Management Personal Development

Don’t Fall For It

Last week I wrote about how two companies had to deal with small-scale groups of people who speak out.  The first example the business caved to the few and the second business closed its doors. You can read the article, “Your Company May Be Next” here. In both cases, the organizations stepped away from their business model and gave in to those who speak the loudest.

That reminded me of what happened to Chick Fil A a few years ago but with a different ending. S. Truett Cathy, the owner, decided he didn’t want to be open on Sundays so he could give his employees a day of rest. For years the owner was criticized and even pressured to stay open on Sundays. As busy as this one day of the week is for restaurants the loss of business would not outweigh his position. Years later his business is still up and thriving.

Since his dad’s passing Dan Cathy oversees the company. Cathy endorsed the biblical definition of marriage is between a man and a woman. Those who support same-sex marriage called for a boycott of the restaurant on August 1, 2012. They wanted to show how wrong the owner was. On the day of the boycott, the restaurant was packed. I bet it was and probably still is the busiest day Chick Fil A ever had. People poured out in masses where lines extended outside the restaurant. There were extensive delays in getting their food yet people stayed to show support for the owner.

To counter for the backfired plan supporters of same-sex marriage told everyone to gather the next week outside Chick Fil A’s nationwide. On that day only a handful of people showed up. This is a perfect example of a few people speaking out loudly to get their way.

The overwhelming majority does not sound off. There’s no need to. Yet when a minuscule amount of people wail, they get their way. You let them determine how to run your businesses. That’s ridiculous. You need to stay on your beliefs and not be bullied to do something you don’t want to do. When a 3-year-old throws a tantrum you need to ignore it so they will learn that type of behavior does not work. It can be painful for a bit, nevertheless, you know that training the child has to be done. Whatever the issue, it’s time you show these unruly children that this type of behavior is not allowed.

You have a vision for your business. You’ve done the work, created a plan for your company, acquired the funding, and set the goals. No one should be able to shake you from that objective.

You have the right to your opinions and have the freedom to share those views. You don’t have the right to force others to change to your beliefs. That being said, your company is yours. You can’t please everyone, but then again everyone is not your target customer.