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Category: Women In Business

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Best Practices Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Handling Conflict with Class

Potential conflict lurks around every corner. Over the weekend, I found a surprise in my inbox, which turned into a good lesson in two-way diplomacy and proactive problem solving.

It was an email from Jeff Hayzlett, co-founder and chairman of the C-Suite Network and the Hero Club. He was responding to a couple of questions I had asked, and at the bottom was the following comment:

“On a side note— I got feedback that when asked you had mentioned that the experience with Hero was not good— so was that wrong feedback or is this [program you are putting together] another run to make it work?”

I’m not sure which dropped further – my jaw or the pit of my stomach.

These are the kinds of scenarios that tend to trigger people’s fight-or-flight reflex. They either run away in embarrassment – even if the allegations aren’t true – or they react angrily and defensively, neither of which is conducive to productive discussion and problem solving.

My mind raced, simultaneously trying to figure out who had given him that “feedback” and what on earth I had said to that person that would have left the impression that I had a negative overall experience with the organization. Plus, I didn’t want some misrepresentation to tarnish my relationship with Jeff and the C-Suite Network.

However, one thing I did notice was how he chose to bring it up to me. On the one hand, he didn’t passive-aggressively write me off and give me the silent treatment, leaving me completely in the dark, but he also he didn’t attack me with accusations. After all, upon hearing that kind of rumor through the grapevine, most people’s reflex would probably have started with “WTF?!”

Instead, he neutrally and unemotionally stated the nature of the information he had received. There was no direct accusation, insult, or attack. He then equally objectively asked if what he’d heard was accurate (it wasn’t), and made an effort to try to understand my current position, giving me the benefit of the doubt and a chance to give my side and set the record straight.

What mattered most to me was to maintain that tone throughout the exchange, however long it took, in order to get to the bottom of things while keeping our relationship intact.

I responded showing my surprise, and wanting to set the record straight, while indicating my continued support for the organization and mending any fences that may have been damaged:

“??? I have no recollection of saying that. Can I ask what the context was?  Be good to know who that came from, not for gossip, just for context. And if I can reach out to clarify to them I’d be happy to. I want to promote HC, not disparage.”

Although he didn’t reply directly to my email, we saw each other the next day at the C-Suite Network Thought Summit in New York, which he had organized. I approached him first.

Knowing that if our roles were reversed, I would have felt betrayed upon hearing such a report, I apologized for any potential miscommunication on my part, and repeated the request for more information to try to figure out where things got lost in translation.

The story he received was that I had sent an email responding to an invitation his team had sent me about speaking on his panel, allegedly saying I didn’t want to because I’d had a bad experience with the Hero Club. This already sounded odd to me, because I love being on stage at his events (heck, at just about any event), and we both get great feedback afterwards, but I wanted to see what I had written.

I took a moment to scroll through every email I had sent to him or his team in the past few weeks, and the only one I found that remotely addressed the issue was a response I had sent to the original invitation saying that (a) I’d love to; (b) in full transparency I couldn’t address [XYZ] exactly as requested and explained why, but (c) suggested another angle from which I could approach the topic, and asked if that would work instead.

I showed him the message, and wanting to confirm that he hadn’t inferred something unpredictable from it, I asked him sincerely if it sounded like I had declined the invitation.

“No,” he agreed unequivocally.

“Does it sound like my reasons for [XYZ] implied that my experience with the Hero Club was not good?”

Again, he shook his head and said, “No.”

I also pointed to the thread and showed him that I had not received a response regarding whether or not my alternative solution was an acceptable one. I wasn’t trying to be antagonistic, or throw anyone else under the bus. I simply wanted to show where my current understanding of the situation ended, and hopefully restore my reputation with him, not at anyone else’s expense, which I also stated outright.

What was important in the exchange was that we both kept objective and neutral in word, tone and body language, and shared what information we had with each other, staying open-minded and seeking mutual understanding, all of which is critical to problem solving.

A little while later, he came back to me after a bit of his own digging and shared what he had discovered regarding what had fallen through the cracks on his end as well. I was relieved, knowing that my reputation and our relationship had been restored, which was my main priority, regardless of whether or not I had a formal speaking role at the event.

He said to me, “(when I realized what happened), I told my team, fix this.”

Sure enough, a little while later we were both on stage together. And truthfully, I think the result was even better than what either of us had originally envisioned.

But what made the greatest impression on me was how powerfully smooth the process was. At the end of the day, I asked him how he’d feel if I blogged about the experience and how we worked through it. He nodded. “Go for it.”

When both parties address concerns directly but diplomatically, share all relevant information, listen openly, take responsibility for whatever went wrong on their respective side, and collectively seek to find a remedy, that’s where positive change occurs.

******

Do you struggle with how to navigate conflict, or know someone who does? Contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to set up a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally.

 

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Entrepreneurship Management Women In Business

Putting the R.A.P. in Rapport – Mastering the Art of High Power Communication

Imagine hearing a conversation in a foreign language and immediately being able to understand what is said and communicate effectively in that language. How powerful would that be?  I’ve always had a secret fantasy of being able to do that. One of my favorite fictional characters is Lieutenant Commander Hoshi Sato, the Human Linguist from Star Trek Enterprise whose superpower is her ability to instantly connect with anyone.   I have always wanted to be it just like her.

Granted, speaking Klingon or Vulcan isn’t essential in the business world, or for that matter on planet Earth; yet the gift of being able to communicate effectively with anyone, at any time, in any given situation is extremely valuable.

Whether you have a product or a service, you are in sales. One of the biggest mistakes that people make in offering their products and services is working hard to sell something when there is no need or no perceived value.  When it comes to sales, proper communication is essential and can make all the difference between closing the deal or walking away empty handed.

What if you can look at your sales process in a completely different fashion? What if you were connecting to people and offering them solutions to their pain, suffering, and problems?

Delivering your message is more than just what you say. It is how you say what you say, when you say it, and why you say it and who you are when you deliver your message.

Whether in a one-on-one situation, on a stage or in writing, high power communication is an essential key to High Performance. It is a topic that I review with my clients both in sales and in relationships. Raising the level of your communication will deepen your connection with people and enhance your relationships, leading to higher affinity and increased sales.

Aside from choosing the proper target market, it is essential to make a connection with them. People want to feel valued and appreciated. Who do you do business with? People you like and care about. If you want people to do business with you, wouldn’t it help if they felt that you cared about them?  Show them you care, get to know them a bit, and build rapport.

We all have our own unique way of connecting and building rapport; look at it as your personal “Rap”. Most often it comes naturally and you don’t put much thought behind it. What if you made it intentional in order to uplevel your game and improve your results?

Let’s look at the strategy behind Putting the R.A.P. in Rapport.

R- Relate to Your Audience

A- Active Listening

P- Present Your Solution

R-Relate to Your Audience
 Your physiology and body language can help you make a connection. Keep your body open and your posture nonthreatening, give the other person proper personal space. Help them feel at ease. Remember like attracts like and connects to like.
Pay attention to your voice. Are your tone, volume, and pitch similar to your customer or audience?    How about your energy? Are you excited about making a new connection and the possibility of helping someone without overpowering them?

Are you speaking their language? Are you using terms that they can understand? One of the biggest mistakes is getting too technical by using professional jargon with someone who really doesn’t care.

A- Active Listening
What is behind the words? Are you truly listening to your audience? What are they asking for? Are they hesitant, do they have reservations? Remember, people will buy what they value and what they want, not necessarily what they need. They look for a solution to the problem, a relief for their pain or suffering. Are you listening to them and speaking their language?

Understanding your customers’ primary mode of communication will help you better relate to them. You can figure out their communication mode by listening to the words they use to describe things. People fall into the categories of visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. In other words, some are more comfortable with seeing things, some need to hear things, and some need to feel things. Your primary mode of communication is the language in which you process information and connect to others.

Once you have successfully related to your customer or your audience, and actively listened to their problem, you can move to the third and final step by offering and presenting your solution.

P- Present Your Solution

People want solutions.  They want to know what is in it for them. They want to know that things will work and the problems will be resolved. Push a sale on them, and they will walk the other way. By using high power communication, you can connect with them, listen to them, identify their problem, and offer them a solution that will change their life.
Once the need and value have been established by understanding the problem, offering a solution is an easy process. Wouldn’t you give a fresh towel to someone who’s soaking wet? All they need is to dry off. You wouldn’t want to sell them Cologne, would you?

Effective communication in any situation is a combination of several actions. It is always a matter of having a good R.A.P.  Listening alone won’t build a good dialogue. However, when you listen and truly hear the other person, you have the ability to build better rapport with them. We all have the need to know we have a voice and are being heard. Practice all three aspects of communication and challenge yourself to master them. When you do that, you will build trust and a great following, and you will create loyal customers who will come back for more!

 

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Personal Development Women In Business

Understand Before Seeking to be Understood

 

In your negotiations, how much attention to you give to really understanding the needs, wants, and desires of the other negotiator? Do you understand why he’s really negotiating with you per the mindset he possesses, his values, his sources of motivation? A lot of negotiators don’t really understand the mindset of the opposing negotiator and thus, they lead themselves down a path that infuses the negotiation with more angst than what otherwise might be the case.

In your future negotiations, be more mindful of the mindset of the other negotiator. Seek to understand him before you seek to be understood by him.

www.TheMasterNegotiator.com

 

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Growth Management Personal Development Women In Business

The Other Side of Sexual Harassment

A lot of women who are employed outside the home have been sexually harassed at work.  It happens in every industry. Men are inappropriately touching, speaking, or wanting sexual activity from a woman.  Whether he’s her boss or someone she works alongside, women deal with uncomfortable and sleazy advances.  Undoubtedly, the thought of losing her job crosses her mind.

When the advances come from a boss, women have to think what it will do to her career. Will she get passed over for a promotion, receive a poor review, or lose her job. Advances from a co-worker cause a woman to worry that others will hear about it, ruining her reputation, or separating her from the team.

In Hollywood, it’s no surprise this has been happening. We’ve heard stories of couch calls for decades. These auditions are invitations from intimidators to engage in something sexual so the actor will get the part. In the 60’s and 70’s mothers would bring their daughters to these meetings knowing what would happen. Sexual misconduct also happens after the actor receives the role.

Recently, film producer and co-founder of Miramax, Harvey Weinstein, has been in the news about his sexual harassment of actors and staff. Women have stated they were afraid to speak out, saying that Weinstein could make or break their career. That’s a ludicrous reason for letting it continue. Without putting a stop to it means you value your career over your body, your dignity. When you don’t shut it down you are allowing it to happen. You make the choice of what is more important to you, your body or your career. Once the choice is made, you must live with it. If you don’t put a stop to it, then you are supporting it.

One of the actors speaking out against Weinstein said that Weinstein raped her twice. How does that transpire. There’s only one way: by putting yourself in the same situation again. Then whose fault is it.

Since then many women have stepped forward, telling about sexual misconduct at work. It covers all industries:

Corporate leaders, politicians, athletes, media people, chefs, photographers, animators, talent agents, singers, doctors, professors, deans.

The list keeps growing.

Choosing to let it happen by reason of valuing your job over your body makes you just as guilty as the oppressor. Giving into the situation doesn’t matter if you are an actor, an executive climbing the ladder, a minimum wage earner or any employee. Women need their jobs and worry about losing them in every industry.

In these situations, women have the power. They can take control or give it up. You take control by saying no. There are numerous stories of actors who told Weinstein no and left unscathed. If you don’t shut it down you are participating.

Men should never put women (and vice versa) in a position where they feel sexually harassed; period. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen. There are actions women can do:

  1. Immediately say NO, making it clear that you mean it.
  2. Remove yourself from the location. That means physically move away.
  3. Put a stop to it. Adamantly tell him that you do not accept that behavior and he is never to do that again.

There is no excuse to allow being harassed. If you come up with an excuse you are participating. Excuses are a way to hide your guilt to yourself. You can’t justify letting it happen if you think you will lose your job or for any other reason. You put a stop to it or you are engaging in it.

Imagine what it would be like today if women stood up to their bosses or co-workers a long time ago. We wouldn’t have all these accusations coming out now. We wouldn’t have our daughters subjected to this kind of treatment. Women would have already taught men that the behavior is not allowed. It’s like training a new puppy; sometimes you have to ‘pop him’ in the nose so he will learn.

If you didn’t confront the behavior long ago you have allowed it to continue. You still have the power.  Train him at the time it arises. Remaining silent doesn’t stop sexual harassment; it’s participating in it. Take immediate and assertive action, and shut it down.

 

 

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

How to Listen Better to Win More Negotiations

“When asking questions, listen to the response! Be sure to hear the meaning and any hidden meaning in the message you received.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

To win more negotiations, listen better. When you negotiate, how well do you listen? The better you listen, the more negotiations you’ll win.

… but he didn’t answer the question! Good negotiators are very adept at diverting questions that don’t serve their purpose. In some cases, they’ll give superficial responses that appear to answer the question, or like a good magician, draw your attention in another direction without you noticing that they’ve done so.

To enhance the probability of winning more negotiations, listen to how questions are answered, and listen to the words used to represent the answers. In so doing, you’ll gain invaluable insight into hidden meanings and the thought process behind those meanings.

Listen to how questions are answered:

Take note to what degree a question is answered, avoided, and/or modified. As an example, if you ask, “Is that your best offer?” You might receive several responses:

A.) In the past, that’s as much as we’ve paid.

B.) Due to our current ‘situation’, we have a ceiling on the amount we can pay.

C.) Other vendors/suppliers are accepting our price structure.

In each of the above answers, you received a response to your question but what you did not receive was a direct answer to your question. Depending on your alertness or how diligent you wanted to appear, you might rephrase the question, point out that you’d not received an answer to it, or accept the answer given in order to address the situation from another perspective. The course of action you adopt should be aligned with how you wished to position yourself and the person with whom you’re negotiating to enhance your negotiation position.

 Listen to the words used to answer questions:

Words are the representation of the thoughts being conveyed. In the above answers, the word choice conveyed additional insight per how that person was thinking. In response ‘A’, the information conveyed is stating, “That’s our norm.” It could also be perceived as, you shouldn’t consider going outside of the norm. Conform to our standards.

In response ‘B’, the subliminal message is, “We’re in a challenging time, please bear with us. Help us by being understanding.” If you acquiesce, you might attempt to acquire chits that can be used in future negotiations. If you do so, attempt to instill in the current negotiation when and how you might use such chits. Keep in mind, you’ll also be setting a precedent to ‘help them’ again in the future, since you did so this time.

Depending on the value of your offer, you could position it so that it’s seen as ‘added value’ that warrants a ‘higher investment’ on the part of the purchaser, or one that you can fit into the current pricing structure because of the reason that’s best suited for the situation and your purpose. The point is, after you’ve gleaned the additional information based on how your questions are answered, you have a better understanding of how to position yourself.

You make decisions based on your interpretation of the situations you’re in. Then, based on your interpretation, you decide how you’ll act and react to situations. Thus, you and only you control your actions in a negotiation. So, to control more of the aspects of the negotiation, listen to the meanings and hidden meanings in the answers given by the other negotiator. Your reward will be in winning more negotiations … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

 

 

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Growth Management Personal Development Women In Business

Intentions: Your Key to Empower Mindful Leadership

Mindfulness grows as you practice in little bits each day. Just like a bodybuilder doesn’t become lean and muscular in one session, a mindful leader must continue to work on the seven practices we’re introducing in this series. This week, keep practicing your centering breath and beliefs work, we will add a new mindful practice: intention.

Intention is becoming clear about what you energetically want to have happen. I like to think of it as where your head goals meet your heart of action. For example, I intend for this experience to be educational and fun—intention adds a feeling to your goal. We live in a feeling universe, but all too often our human experience does not embrace those feelings. Mindful leaders choosing to live mindful lives make time to set powerful intentions, feelings for the life they want to live. They do this one day, one experience at a time. It’s even more critical we do this as we face the business, often mindlessness of the holiday season.

Mini-Practice As you look forward to the upcoming holiday season, pick one event and ask yourself, what is the intention for this? How do you want to show up energetically to that event? Office parties be a good one to try intention setting. Maybe the family holiday meal? What do you want to have happen or to feel as a result of the experience? What do you intend for this holiday season? The words above can help you get started.

The practice of setting intentions will help you align your goals with your feelings and to those of the universe around you. And you may be surprised how often you get what you intend.

AFFIRMATION:  I intend to experience ease in all I do this holiday season. I release stress and receive mindfulness.  

 

Mindfulness matters, HD

Holly Duckworth, CAE, CMP, LSP, is a nationally recognized speaker, author, and coach for mindful leadership. I work with stressed-out leaders to create profits, peace, and presence.

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Personal Development Women In Business

Expert Advice on How to Negotiate With a Bully

 

“To be fearless against a bully display what he fears.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

 

“Expert Advice On How To Negotiate With A Bully”

Follow this expert advice to negotiate with a bully.

  1. Differentiate between a bully that may be controlling versus bullying. Some people don’t see themselves as bullies. They may be the type that likes to be in control of situations and display overly aggressive means to maintain that control. The two perspectives possess different mindsets.
  2. Identify the personality type of the bully you’re negotiating with (you’re always negotiating). Thus, even in your first encounter with a person (and after that time), you should assess that person’s traits, demeanor, and characteristics. Doing so will give you the insight needed to formulate a negotiation strategy.
  3. Determine the best environment to negotiate with a bully. He may be stronger in one environment as the result of resources surrounding him or those he has to ‘save face’ for; this may also tend to make him cockier than he’d normally be. If that’s the case, get him out of his environment; this should be done physically and/or psychologically. In doing so you’ll dilute his psychological powers and weaken him mentally in the process (i.e. power is perceptional).
  4. If addressing a bully on a one-on-one basis doesn’t achieve your objective(s), marshal forces to use as leverage against him. Depending on the situation, let those that he has more respect for take the lead on your behalf; never let a bully know how strong your forces are. You must be prepared to send in a second, third, fourth, etc., wave that’s stronger than what preceded it. For maximum effect, the timing of your next foray should occur just when the bully thinks he’s squashed your best efforts. In normal situations, over time you’ll wear the bully down and he’ll acquiesce to your wishes. Be mindful of the bully that won’t acquiesce over a period of exhaustive negotiations when forces have been marshaled against him. You might be dealing with a bully that’s willing to destroy himself for the sake of denying you any kind of victory. To prevent from making too many concessions, establish exit points that indicate when you should depart the negotiation. Always be mindful that, the longer you stay engaged in a negotiation, the likelier you are to make concessions to your disadvantage. This is due to the psychological need to see the negotiation to its end. This could be to your severe detriment.
  5. Once you’ve achieved your objective(s), over a period of time reengage the bully from a polite perspective and observe how he interacts with you. To the degree the relationship is important to you, be prepared to let him win an encounter, but never let him bully you again. Your prior actions should be engrained in his mind to the point that he’d not want to experience the prior encounter that you two engaged in.
  6. As further insight into the affects your engagement has had with a bully, note how those closes to the bully engage with you after an encounter. Their actions will allow you to assess the degree of sting that still resides in the bully.

Bullies only pick on those that they perceive to be weaker than themselves. Don’t let a bully perceive weakness in you and he’ll have no target to attack … and everything will be right with the world.

What are your takeaways? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

#HowToNegotiateBetter #HowToNegotiateWithBully #PreventBullying

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Best Practices Growth Human Resources Investing Management Personal Development Women In Business

Accountability – I Want to Count on You!

Accountability is defined as an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility for one’s actions. Without it, you would live and work in a world without confidence. It would be almost impossible to plan a day if you had no reasonable confidence that, at the very least, people would show up and complete their tasks. Envision a workplace where no one did what they said they would do. A place where no one felt responsible for themselves or their team. Is that where you want to work?

If you want people around you to be accountable, then you must do what you say, too. You don’t live in a vacuum; you work with a team. Following through on your own obligations creates a better work environment for all the stakeholders.  Take 10% of the time that you worry about others doing their job and concentrate on yourself. Take being judgmental attitudes and take a good look at your own behavior.  How are you contributing to a more successful workplace? If you say you will get it done, do you?  If not, do you take responsibility or find blame?  Replace blame with understanding how you may have created a situation that went awry. Make sure you are setting an example that you want to be followed.

What do you need to do to ensure that your culture breeds accountability and removes the fear of admitting when errors are made?

“It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do for which we are accountable.”

—John Baptiste Moliere

Excerpt from Blueprint for Employee Engagement – 37 Essential Elements to Influence, Innovate & Inspire. (Coming December 2017)

Julie Ann Sullivan’s focus is on employee engagement and creating workplace cultures where people want to come to work.  Julie Ann works with companies to develop people who are engaged, productive and appreciated. She hosts the Mere Mortals Unite and Businesses that Care podcasts on C-Suite Radio .  For more information go to http://julieannsullivan.com/

 

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Growth Health and Wellness Management Women In Business

Mindful Leadership – Be Alive With What You Believe

If mindlessness is being asleep at the wheel of life, mindfulness is becoming more awake and aware of your beliefs—as media mogul Oprah Winfrey says, “What I know for sure.” What do you know for sure?

Your mindful practice for today is to push away from your desk for just two to five minutes—yes, you can set your phone timer.

Use that time to ask your inner self what is it you believe about the way you are running your life. What is it you believe about the way you are running your business?

Breathe, pause, breathe again.

Don’t panic! You don’t have to tell anyone, and there are no right or wrong answers.

The answers are found in mindful breathing.

What you believe tends to be what manifests in your life. If you believe life is a challenge, you get more challenges. If you believe it’s supportive and easy, you get more ease.

This week, spend those few minutes a day thinking about what you want to believe about an experience you are having. Feel in your body what you want to believe. Your feelings are your power center.  Believe in the power of you!

AFFIRMATION:  My beliefs empower the life I want to live. 

Mindfulness matters!

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Growth Health and Wellness Management Women In Business

Where to Begin Mindful Leadership? Centering

Our world is overwhelming. This is the third week of the last fifteen that a major shooting has been in the news as I write.

Our fear of being alone, or missing out on something important makes us feel we need to sift through the constant, unprecedented deluge of information coming at us, even though we know most of it is just noise. We have less recovery time between events, and we’re getting less of the sleep we need to rejuvenate. It’s unsustainable, it’s exhausting, and it leads to a mindlessness that takes a toll on our personal and professional lives.

Enter mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the practice of becoming fully present in the moment. It is often confused with meditation. While meditation is one form of mindfulness practice, it’s not the only one. In today’s 24/7/365 world where stress is rampant, mindfulness has been scientifically proven to reduce stress, decrease health challenges, and increase focus, resulting in a better quality of home and work life.

Mindfulness has seven practices. I’m going to guide you thru these steps. I intend this series will educate, connect, and hopefully inspire you to try each of the seven for just two to five minutes on the next seven posts—and all week long.

Week 1 Mini-Practice: Centering
Centering is practicing the process of reconnecting to the still, small voice inside of you. Centering in partnership with breathing and small hand motions will bring you back to you.

Today, push yourself away from your desk for just two minutes.  Yes, you can set a timer if it reduces your stress. Feel your breath enter through your nose and move through to your heart center, then exhale through your mouth. Do this three times. When was the last time you took a mindful breath?

Next time you are heading to a conversation that may be less than mindful, try centering. This practice, while simple, is not easy.  The more you try it this week, the more you are likely to let go of mindless and become more mindful.

Mindful Matters!