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Category: Management

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Best Practices Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

How to Avoid Conflict – Part 1

At some point or other, we all have to have important conversations that have the potential to get ugly and uncomfortable. When in doubt, I say do your best to avoid the conflict.

I’m not talking about avoiding people in the hallways, refusing to answer the phone or saying “yes” to everyone – whether or not you mean it – so that you don’t have to say “no.”

There will always be disagreements and necessary discussions about difficult or unpleasant topics. But these conversations do not need to degenerate into round after round of browbeating to try to get your point across.

Ideally, the goal is to address the issue in a way that gets to the heart of the matter, and reaches a mutually agreeable resolution quickly and efficiently without raising voices or blood pressure. There is one intuitive – and yet commonly overlooked – key that can keep most disagreements in the realm of civil, productive discussion.

The key is consciously listening to understand. This is where most people fall woefully short in both their efforts and their outcomes. Listening to understand is critical to avoiding real argument for one crucial reason: most people continue to argue a point because they feel like they have not truly been heard or understood.

Most people think that they listen, but the short answer is that they don’t do it right. Let’s look at the difference and key strategies for listening in a way that gets to a peaceful, positive, and productive result.

 

Listening “wrong”

In disagreements, most people “listen” in order to find an opportunity to interrupt, contradict, or defend. This isn’t sincere listening; it’s more like scanning the horizon for the best time to retaliate.

When both parties are simultaneously focused proving why they are correct and the other is wrong, what they are both (rightfully) saying is, “You’re not listening to me!”

This quickly leads to an impasse with one of two outcomes: The first is that both sides leave feeling frustrated, with no resolution to the issue at hand. In the second, one side “wins” by forcing the other side to concede, i.e. lose. This leaves the winner with a bitter-sweet “victory,” and the loser feeling resentful, a combination that will have a variety of negative repercussions down the line in the form of morale, work quality, and office politics just to name a few.

The irony is that when people are able to voice their concerns, and truly feel like they have been heard and understood, they are often willing to accept “no” for an answer. So how does that work?

 

Listening “right”

When you listen to understand, you start by erasing any presuppositions and assumptions that you already know what they’re going to say and why. Instead, you enter the conversation from the perspective that there’s a missing piece, something you don’t yet know or understand about their position, priorities, interests or concerns. Be curious.

Invite the other person to share first. A good strategy is to take notes as you listen, which serves several purposes. First, you can record any key points so that you don’t forget them, which serves as a good future reference resource.

Second, you can jot down any questions or other thoughts you want to share. Don’t get me wrong – the idea is not to list all the points you disagree on just so you can launch into a point-counterpoint debate when it’s your turn to speak. That feels litigious, not collaborative or respectful.

Writing down your ideas as you listen has a variety of benefits. First and foremost, it keeps you from interrupting. When people aren’t interrupted, they feel more respected and less stressed or frustrated, which helps to keep the peace. But it also gives you a chance to reflect and organize your thoughts before you do finally speak, which can streamline the process, avoid clumsy and emotionally-charged knee-jerk responses, and help you prioritize issues to address.

 

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In part 2 we’ll address Talking from Listening: once you’ve heard them out, what do you say to keep things moving in the right direction?

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

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Best Practices Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

How to Avoid Conflict – Part 2

In my previous blog, we looked at the difference between “Listening Wrong” and “Listening Right” as a part of “Listening to Understand,” a fundamental principle in laying the ground work to have a potentially difficult conversation in a way that is constructive rather than combative.

Now, let’s look at strategies for when it’s your turn to talk, after you have successfully demonstrated listening to understand. 

Once the other person has finished sharing their perspective, don’t sabotage the exchange by launching into a “now it’s my turn to talk and your turn to listen” monologue. Remember that you entered the conversation with the initial goal of understanding their perspective. So the first step you need to take in line with this goal is to confirm your understanding.

A great segue can be as simple as, “Thanks for taking the time to explain that to me. I want to make sure I understand the key issues. Can I run through my main takeaways based on what I heard, and you can correct me if I’m off somehow?” Who would say no to such a request?

Once you have the go-ahead, start by paraphrasing your understanding of their key points. You should use simple, reporting language such as, “You said that your budget _____,” or “Did I understand correctly that in your department _____,” or “Your primary concern is that _____, right?” Whatever you do, do not comment on anything yet.

This step also serves multiple purposes with mutual benefits. From the other person’s side, they are happy to know that you are valuing their input enough to take time to ensure that you understood it. Plus, it is reassuring for them to have you confirm that whatever they said was received as it was intended. This builds trust and facilitates further discussion.

More importantly, paraphrasing this way ensures that you actually did understand all of their key points. Misunderstandings could be due to missing or improperly stated information in their initial explanation, or perhaps you were writing something down and didn’t catch something else they said at the time.

Regardless of the cause, once you have had a chance to confirm the facts, then everyone is satisfied that all key information is on the table, and, most importantly, they feel relieved to know that they have been heard and understood.

From there, you can transition into sharing your side of the story with something like, “Okay, well, let’s start with _____.” It’s important to keep your language objective, and if you feel like their view on something is incorrect, keep your explanation fact-based, calm and impersonal. There’s a big difference between saying, “There are a few details I don’t think your team is aware of,” and, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

If the other person does not play by the same rules and interrupts you when it’s your turn, you can explicitly draw their attention to the contrast and make a respectful request: “I’m sure you’ll have some comments and questions, which I welcome, but I listened to you without interrupting, and would appreciate the same courtesy in return.” You can offer them some paper to take notes on while they listen, for their own benefit, and ask them to paraphrase what they understood when you’re done, so they can follow your model more completely as well.

At best, once you have heard each other out, and truly sought to understand each other’s objectives and reasons, you can come to a solution that meets everyone’s needs. But at the very least, if the answer still has to be “no,” there is still potential for positive outcome.

At that point, “no” can sound more like, “I truly appreciate the fact that/your concern about ___. For now, we have to prioritize _____ because of _____, but I understand the impact that it will have on your situation, so…”

Even though the other person might not be happy with the immediate result, it’s much easier for them to accept the outcome because they understand why, and are emotionally satisfied that they have been respected as a person and a professional.

In the end, difficult topics are addressed productively without fighting and casualties of war, and respectful relationships are not only maintained but strengthened. You’re not avoiding the issue, you’re avoiding creating a mess.

More importantly, you’re leading by example, and fostering a healthy culture of open communication, transparency, and mutual respect.

That’s the difference between someone who has a leadership position, and someone who is a leader.

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

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Human Resources Management Marketing Personal Development Women In Business

What Does Your Personal Brand Sound Like?

I just read a great article from Entrepreneur, as shared here, called “7 Signs Your Personal Brand Needs Work.” All seven signs, and the suggestions offered to resolve each, are insightful and important – read them for yourself. But as is common in such analyses, there is one critical factor for establishing your ideal personal brand that is once again missing from the discussion.

It’s one thing to have consistent branding when you’re writing a blog, Facebook update or tweet, but what happens to that brand messaging when you’re talking to someone, real-time, maybe even face to face? On a very literal level, what does it sound like when you share your idea, insight and suggestion? Is it as compelling to hear as it is to read?

So many people have terrific ideas and masterful skill sets, but their ability to persuade, compel, and inspire someone just by talking with them simply falls flat. There’s something “missing” in the delivery, which can translate to something missing from their personal brand

This is the foundation of what I call alignment. Your words and your delivery must be equally strong and compelling, because your words convey your content, and your delivery conveys your intent behind the message. When both parts are reinforcing the same message at the same time, there is credibility to the whole message, and as a result, the credibility reflects back to you.

Lots of people claim that they can speak well when they have to give a big presentation or are otherwise in the spotlight, and this shows what they are capable of when they believe the stakes are high enough to warrant that kind of focus and effort. But as far as I’m concerned, your reputation is what happens in the moments when you’re NOT trying; all those little moments when you’re not in the spotlight.

For example, when you look at your own participation in generic weekly meetings, what does your participation soundlike? Ask yourself the following:

  • Do you always speak loudly enough to ensure that all people can hear?
  • Do you inflect lots of up-speak when you talk where it sounds like you’re constantly implying lots of questions and requests for validation into your speech even when you’re not?
  • Do you speak so quickly that you tend to slur some words together or mumble, making people have to ask you to repeat what you’ve said?
  • Do you give and receive constructive feedback in an antagonistic or defensive manner, or shy away from it completely?
  • Do you speak in an unnecessarily low voice without enough breath support so that your voice sounds gravelly or creaky, and you seem disinterested, tired, or not confident?

The challenge is that most of us are painfully unaware of our default speech style. We may know how we think we come across, but often the brand and reputation that we think we are building for ourselves is very different from the reality of the brand reputation we’re becoming known for.

This is why it’s critical to gain an awareness of what your “default” speech style is like in these contexts: because for the most part, that’s what people will remember and what they’ll use to form their evaluation of your credibility and leadership, not what you can do in the rare instances when you absolutely have to. After all, what’s more likely: that they frame their opinions based on the exception, or the “rule”?

When in doubt, remember: That “rule” is at the foundation of your brand.

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

Categories
Best Practices Growth Management Skills

Motivation and Alignment

 

In the previous article on motivation we explored how to motivate your team. This article takes you deeper on the topic of alignment, which is aligning the people on your team with their gifts, contributions, and brilliance.

We have discussed internal vs. external motivators and how people are motivated in the long-term intrinsically, from within. In this article we are going to look at how you can help your employees tap into their intrinsic motivations for better results and higher performance.

To do this you will start by learning who your team members are so you can help them contribute in a way that is meaningful for them. One of the topics I discuss with clients is identifying your unique brilliance and the brilliance of each person on your team. When you know your brilliance and theirs it becomes much easier to align each team member with the tasks and projects where they will have the most impact and provide the best results.

For example (a simple example), do you have a team member who loves working on complex problems? Don’t ask them to do simple spreadsheet work or have them finalize the PowerPoint deck or at least don’t ask them to do it for very long. You want to find the team member who thrives on repetitive tasks and processes to pick up the phone and make cold calls or format the spreadsheet.

Of course it goes much deeper than that and there are lots of ways to learn about who your people are. The easiest way to start is to spend time talking to people and asking them what lights them up, but there are also some terrific assessments you can use. I use the Core Values Index (CVI) Assessment by Taylor Protocols with my clients in addition to discussing their unique brilliance with them through an exercise I’ve developed on this topic, creatively named the Unique Brilliance tool.

The reason I also use the CVI assessment is because it easy to use, quick to take, and the insights each individual receives along with the discussion on what lights them up provides invaluable information on how they prefer to contribute.

If you want a copy of the Unique Brilliance tool you can find it along with other resources at www.c-suiteresults.com and you can also email me at sharon@c-suiteresults.com and ask for a copy. It’s important for you to not only understand your gifts and brilliance, but also help your team understand theirs. You can also take the CVI for free from the C-Suite Results Website to get a glimpse of the type of information it provides.

Once you truly know who is on your team and how they are motivated to contribute you can align more of their tasks and responsibilities with the way they are wired to contribute. Of course no one can always do the fun tasks and avoid the boring or difficult ones, but the more you can provide your team with opportunities to truly contribute in a meaningful way, the more they will go above and beyond and really show you how they shine.

This is a key step in creating high performance teams, reducing turnover, and getting better results.  I encourage you to start exploring this idea on your own or with help from others. If I can be of assistance you can reach me via email at sharon@c-suiteresults.com

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Best Practices Growth Management Personal Development Technology

Is Your Marketing a Business or a Religion?

That might seem like an odd question to pose, but I have run into one too many B2B clients lately who have convinced themselves over the years that marketing is just a waste of money. Often, these executives cut their teeth in the 1980s and 1990s when B2B Marketing was truly not terribly important. No B2B companies had CMOs back then because there was nothing C-level about the job. It doesn’t take a high executive to decide what the brochure should say that we bring to our booth at the trade show. And that’s all that B2B marketing was.

Fast forward to today. Those same executives that grew up in the era of unimportant B2B marketing have not realized that times have changed. Digital marketing has made B2B marketing expenditures hugely important. Prospects don’t even have you on the list if they can’t find you. And even if you were referred to them, they check out your website before they even call.

But I have run into a spate of B2B execs over the last few weeks that look me in the eye and say, “Yeah, well. I just don’t believe that more marketing will bring us any more sales.” Folks, that is a religious statement. Nobody is asking you to believe. We’re asking you to experiment. We’re asking you to give it a try. Make a bet. See what happens. We’re asking you to treat marketing the same way you treat every other decision. You don’t invest in new products because you believe in them. You know that most of them will fail. You invest in them because you know you have no choice because you won’t find the ones that work if you don’t invest in all of them. That’s business, not religion.

 The problem is that you can’t teach anyone something that they think they already know. And if you take the attitude that you already know that marketing is a waste of money, then you can’t learn how digital marketing is a new way to play. So, you can stick to your religion and operate like it’s still the 1980s. Or you can recognize that the browser on your computer and the phone in your pocket and the iPad by your bed are the new way to reach your audience in an efficient and effective way, and if you are missing in action, they will just find your competitors.

You don’t need to believe in it. You just have to give it a chance to prove it to you. Just like you do with the rest of your business.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Management Personal Development Women In Business

Are You an Irreplaceable CEO?

 

ARE YOU AN IRREPLACEABLE CEO?

There are tons of articles out there that talk about what makes a great leader. I read one today that hit me where I live because of one word: Story.

The CEO featured in the article is a renowned, beloved leader in his company for many reasons — his integrity, his approachability, his transparency, his work ethic, etc. But what stood out to me was his being described as a “masterful storyteller”.

High Five! Fist Bump!! Yes!!! A CEO who not only understands the power of story, but finds a way to engage his employees so that they get it, too. Each time he addresses a room, he insists that a different employee introduce him every time. And forget about reading a boring bio — the employee has to come up with a story about the big boss. As the article says, “it’s part of the lesson.”

When I work with CEOs on presentation skills, media training or a video project, story is always at the heart of our work.

Why? Because story is the best way to connect one human being to another. At the end of the day, business is about finding a way to connect with a current or potential client so that they’ll do what you want them to do — buy your product or service. But far too often, we focus more on what we do than on who we are and what drives our passion. We focus more on the message than the story, not realizing that the best way to get our message across is to share our story. And the more personal, the better.

Now, I’m not advocating that you cross the line of good taste, but I am advocating that you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to share some part of yourself. That’s what will make an impression. That’s what will break through the clutter. That’s what people will remember. And that’s why the author of the article I’m referencing calls GE Chairman and CEO, Jeff Immelt, “irreplaceable.”

“He’s a model of vulnerability, self-study and reflection,” she writes, “a masterful storyteller who articulates his success and failures with equal parts humor and passion.”

When you’re ready to retire, what will your employees write about you? What will be your legacy? It starts with your story.

About the Author: Linda Lorelle is best known as an Emmy and Gracie Award- winning journalist who anchored the evening news for nearly 17 years at Houston’s NBC affiliate, KPRC- TV. The Stanford graduate is now an entrepreneur, using the art of storytelling to create compelling, original video content for clients who understand the value of owning their story. C-Suite executives who want to brush up on their presentation skills also call upon Linda to share her expertise in public speaking and help them feel more at ease.

 

Linda is a highly skilled emcee and panel moderator who is able to seamlessly guide a conversation around any subject matter. She also enjoys engaging with audiences on a variety of topics as a keynote speaker, including her most recent theme: “Don’t Ever Underestimate the Heart of a Champion: A Journalist’s Journey of Loss and Transformation”.

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Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Management Women In Business

Thin Without Dieting

Check out the video here.

What’s the most frustrating thing you think about when you look at your body and say to yourself, “I need to lose 20 pounds?”

Is it?:

  • How am I possibly going to do this? I’ve tried so many times.
  • Dieting has never worked for me.
  • Even if I lose 20 pounds, how am I going to keep them off?
  • I just like to eat. Now what?

The bottom line is that diets don’t work. The recidivism rate on people who were on a diet is over 95%.  You resent having to deprive yourself, so why do it?

In today’s video Esateys gives six simple rules of how to lose weight and keep it off without dieting. 

Change your life style and your eating habits and you will change your waistline. Guaranteed!!  

And when you lose weight and keep it off  you will feel so much better about yourself and that will make you more productive and successful in your business and in every area of your life.

More on Esateys. www.esateys.com

Categories
Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

Reframing the Perception of Conflict

 

At some point or other, we’ve all taken leadership style or personality “tests,” whether the DISC assessment, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or one of myriad others on the market. But one scale I haven’t seen explicitly identified on any commercially available tools is how people perceive conflict.

 

Notice I did not say how they handle conflict. In my experience, a critical factor is whether and how people perceive conflict in the first place, as that is the catalyst that triggers the response. Once you start to see how differently people experience the concept of “conflict,” it becomes remarkably clear why they engage in it or avoid it the way that they do, and how you need to handle a situation in order to get the results you want in a way that is both collaborative and effective.

 

First, think about conflict not as a yes-or-no issue, but on a gray scale, with “peace” and “war” at the opposite extremes, separated by a wide range of degrees of intensity, which might look something like this:

Because of the range of degrees of this scale, the issue becomes one of personal tolerance, kind of like your personal tolerance for spicy food. These different degrees of conversational intensity, such as disagreement, debate and fight, always exist. At that point, the question then becomes at what point you start to feel a sense of genuine anxiety, and when that anxiety reaches a level that is intolerable, which makes you want (or need) to end the conversation – whether through fight or flight.

 

For people who tend to have a lower tolerance for conflict-related anxiety, they may view the scale like this:

 

From their perspective, they can only have a conversation comfortably as long as they know that they will not have to discuss anything that will make either or both people unhappy, because unhappiness reflects conflict, and conflict triggers anxiety, which is not tolerable. This is why people who are highly conflict-averse may tend to avoid engaging in some important conversations. Peace/Agreement Discussion Disagreement Debate Argument Fight Battle War Tolerable Anxiety Intolerable Anxiety Peace/Agreement Discussion Disagreement Debate Argument Fight Battle War 2 Ironically, it is often through the efforts and extents people go through in attempt to avoid conflict that they end up making a bad situation worse, as problems are allowed to fester

 

On the other hand, people who have a higher tolerance for conflict-based anxiety may view the scale more like this:

To these people, a good intellectual debate is just that: a debate, to explore the differences in ideas, whether for the purposes of trying to learn from each other, or to persuade the other person to change their view. As long as the discourse doesn’t get personal, most commentary is fair game.

 

Often people with much higher tolerance conflate being blunt with being efficient. Needless to say, this is also not a particularly good way to lead, if your goal is to build loyal and effective teams and customer relationships.

 

I strongly encourage you to share the models with your team and have an open discussion to compare where people identify their own tolerance levels. Once you understand how you perceive conflict and at what point that conflict puts you in a state of intolerable anxiety, especially relative to someone else’s tolerance, you’ll be better able to understand why your response to conflict defaults a certain way. Only then will it be possible to discover what you need to do to promote open discussion in a way that creates trust, and increases productivity and overall success.

 

Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

Categories
Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Women In Business

Dads: Raise Your Daughters to be CEOS

Father’s Day is coming up, so in the spirit of honoring the male role models in our lives, I’d like to share a special note with all the dads and other men (and women) out there about how to raise your daughters to be a successful, confident and happy future executive.

Over the years, I’ve spoken in front of myriad professional women’s groups, and coached women at every level and in every industry imaginable, and one factor regularly surfaces as having a major influence on their current levels of confidence and self-efficacy: their relationship with their fathers.

I often get asked how I’ve developed my confidence and sense of self, and more and more I realize how much of the credit goes to my father (and mother) for setting this foundation in me in all these ways and more.

Dad (a music teacher) encouraged me to audition for all-state band (I played the alto sax), which I did all four years of high school, even though I only made it once. After each audition, we’d talk about what went right and wrong and how to do better next time.

He pushed me to take honors classes but didn’t flinch when I agreed to take AP history and Spanish but not calculus (thank goodness!)

(I’ll probably get flack for this, but I’m going to mention it anyway.) He also always told me I was pretty, even when my ever-fluctuating adolescent weight was on the top end of the yo-yo curve. To a teenage girl’s self-esteem, it mattered. A lot.

When I decided to go for my PhD instead of getting a “regular job” he asked probing questions so we could discuss the pros and cons and the best way to make it work.

And he never once gave me a guilt trip about my biological clock or his (undeniable) desire for grandchildren even though I was 40 before I finally met my husband.

He let me know that he recognized my efforts and intentions, trusted my judgment and respected my decision, even when we didn’t see eye to eye.

Most importantly, even when I had genuinely messed up, even though he was really upset with me in the moment, he never belittled me or called me names, and he made it clear that he still loved me.

So for all you parents, here are four strategies for how to communicate with your daughters in a way that builds her confidence and empowers her with the skills and perspective to be a successful leader:

  • Talk to your daughter. Don’t be afraid to initiate conversations, and ask tough and sometimes personal questions to help her think through things, then be prepared to listen. Listen to truly understand her motivations rather than to identify the holes in her argument and formulate your rebuttal.
  • Challenge her to try new things, and set ambitious but attainable goals. Celebrate victories, acknowledge and praise progress and efforts. Recognize the difference between when to say, “it’s okay, you can’t win ‘em all” and “I don’t think you really gave it your best. What happened?”
  • Invite her to initiate difficult conversations with you instead of hiding her true feelings.
  • Even when she does make a mistake or otherwise does something you don’t approve of, make it clear that the you think the decision or action was dumb, not that she is stupid. Then – possibly an hour or so later after you’ve cooled off – remind her that you love her and are proud of her no matter what.

If you can fine-tune your objectivity regarding this aspect of your relationship with your daughters now – no matter what their age or family or professional status – that sets a foundation for success that no fancy MBA can match!

 

Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

Categories
Best Practices Entrepreneurship Industries Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Power Speaking Skills:  Strategies to Increase Harmony in Conversation, Part 1: Tone of Voice:

In this video, Maria tells you how to increase harmony in challenging business conversations by monitoring and modifying your tone of voice.

The Successful Speaker, Inc. video series provides speaking strategies that will help you enhance your credibility and leadership presence during meetings, sales presentations, conversations with senior management, networking events, and even by phone.

The video series addresses every aspect of successful speaking, including how to sound authoritative, speak with credibility, master active listening, and engage your listeners. The videos also provide speaking strategies rooted in theatrical performance, providing tips on how to build belief and captivate your business listeners.