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You’re Attention is Being Stolen (and You’re Letting It)

“Hold that thought for just a moment.”

“Let me grab this call.”

“Now, where were we?”

How often have you uttered these phrases in conversations that were interrupted by a phone call, text message, or someone just popping into your office? How often have you been in the middle of a project or task that was stopped midstream to respond to someone else’s immediate need for your attention?

If any of these scenarios sound familiar, you are allowing your attention to be stolen.

In a world full of open-door policies and open-office concepts, our attention is like a wad of cash sitting in an unoccupied, unlocked car. It’s ripe for the taking, tempting anyone who comes within reach of it.

Time is our new currency and where we spend it is a choice. It certainly doesn’t imply that some things are always more or less important than others; it just means you must choose what is most deserving of your attention in that moment.

For instance, if you are on a deadline for a high-stakes project, it’s okay to silence your ringer, unplug from devices, close your door and concentrate – free from distractions. The deadline for that project is your highest priority. You don’t want to permit anyone or anything from stealing your attention away from it. Once the project is over, take a small break to rest, recover and refocus. Then, evaluate what else is required of you and prioritize your attention accordingly.

It’s that simple.

When you allow others to steal your focus from what you need to pay attention to, you give them time you can never get back. As a result, you feel the pressure of tighter deadlines which then challenges you to work at a faster rate of speed. When you can’t work faster, you wind up working longer, then cutting into the time you need to rest and recover with friends, family, and loved ones.  In the end, you feel overwhelmed and overstressed – and for what? To allow someone to have your attention to meet their needs?

It’s not about being selfish, or about making others feel less important. It is about realizing we each only get 1,440 minutes in a day and we must choose how to spend it. If we want to live a life of more significance, we must pay attention to what matters most and implement methods necessary to do so.

Here are 10 tips to help you pay attention to what matters most in your day:

  1. Schedule your day. Use your calendar to set aside times to return phone calls, answer emails, and respond to social media. Commit to your calendar of time as if it were a client. Don’t be late and refrain from going over time.
  2. Silence your phone. Whether it’s a desk phone or cell phone, turn off the ringer. We have this brilliant tool called voicemail and it’s there for a reason. Phone calls can be returned when you are ready to give them the time and attention they deserve.
  3. Close your door. The idea of an open-door-policy was never intended to allow anyone to barge in at any time. Schedule times in your day and let others know when you’re available to chat. Setting boundaries will not only ensure you can focus on time-sensitive tasks, it also ensures your undivided attention is given to those who need you during open-office hours.
  4. Clear your clutter. Few things can steal concentration quite like incomplete projects sitting on your desk silently begging for your attention. Whether it’s papers in need of filing or projects yet to be completed, keep them organized in such a way that your workspace is clear from distractions.
  5. Maximize your productive times of day. Some of us are morning birds while others are night owls. Capitalize on your most productive time of day to complete the tasks requiring more attention, thought, and creativity.
  6. Cancel meetings. 45% of meetings attended by professionals are thought to be a waste of time. If you’re attending meetings for the sake of attending, stop. If you’re hosting meetings out of routine, cancel them. Do not attend or host a meeting without a legitimate, well-thought out agenda. Know why you’re being asked to attend and ensure everyone is on the same page.
  7. Take routine breaks. No one can give their undivided attention to one project hours and hours on end. Take frequent breaks to step away from your desk, get fresh air, stretch and allow your mind to break from it’s concentrated state. You’ll find a renewed sense of focus upon return.
  8. Reciprocate respect. If you want others to respect your time and need for focus, you must start by setting the example. If you create a reputation of popping into coworker’s offices unannounced, they will do the same for you. If you leave voicemails, followed by emails, followed by text messages, expect others to do the same. Demonstrate a respect for the time of others and respect for yours will follow.
  9. Reiterate priorities. Whether you are a leader or individual contributor, knowing the priorities of your organization is key to your success. Ensure you understand them thoroughly, repeat them frequently and use them as a filter for your attention.
  10. Stop working 24/7. Few of us can operate efficiently or effectively when we are always on call for work. After hours phone calls and emails can make us feel overwhelmed and unable to rest and recover from the day. As a result, our stress levels increase, and our relationships suffer. Your after-hours time must be tightly guarded and given to those who matter most. When you allow yourself to get the rest you need at the end of each day, your ability to focus and concentrate in the work day increases boosting your productivity and accountability.

When you begin to think of attention as our new currency, you can begin to shift your thought process around time as being a limited resource which must be managed responsibly and protected from those who wish to steal it.

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Management Negotiations Women In Business

The Best Way To Be a Good Bully Negotiator

“All forms of bullying are not bad. A good bully that defeats a bad bully is good.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

When you think of bullying in a negotiation, what comes to mind? Do you think of one person using abusive language spewing contempt, or an abundant display of irreverent condescension on behalf of both parties towards the other? In either case or if you didn’t think of either case, you’re right. Bullying in life and in negotiations is open to interpretation. That being the case, there’s a scenario for the role of a good bully in every negotiation. If projected right, the role of a good bully may be laced in the disguise of a savior.

Here’s how you can combat a bad bully by portraying the part of a good bully.

1. The first thing you need to appraise is to what degree the opposing negotiator will display belligerence or other forms of bullying. That’s essential because that will determine how you’ll position yourself.

2. Assess the possible bullying tactics the other negotiator might attempt to use on you (i.e. intimidation, humiliation, other). The better you can accurately assess the bullying tactics he’ll use the better you can prepare to combat them.

3. Determine which ploy, or set of tactics you’ll employ to contest the bully’s bullying efforts against you. They can be any combination of the following ruses.

4. Passive aggressiveness – I recall a time when I was on a plane and asked the flight attendant for another snack. She looked menacingly at me with a smile on her face, leaned closer, and said, no. She quickly turned and walked away. I was left befuddled, wondering what had just occurred.

When dealing with a bully, you can be passively aggressive by portraying the part of a hard-nosed negotiator while presenting a pleasant demeanor. That will most likely cause the other negotiator to wonder what he’s dealing with. In that time, you can further assess the value this subterfuge is having on him. Continue using it and/or mixing it with the following as long as it has value.

5. Display defiance and compassion – Bullies test your resolve to discover exactly what you’ll allow them to do to you. If during such travails you display defiance and compassion you’ll cause them consternation. They’ll be miffed about how to deal with you. That should make them revert to their prominent form of domination. Once they’ve shown you that, border your actions between an affray and serenity. Let such match his demeanor.

6. Be manic (i.e. I must be off my meds) – Have you ever noticed how most sane people will tend to veer away from someone that acts in a non-rational manner? That’s because someone that’s manic is unpredictable. Unpredictability leads to unsureness and that leads to confusion. If a bad bully doesn’t know what to do in a negotiation, he’ll begin to drop his bullying ways and start to acquiesce to your demands. In part, he may do so because he just wants to conclude the negotiation as quickly as possible and get away from you.

7. Switch positions and character constantly – To protract and enhance the manic ploy, switch your negotiation position and character throughout the negotiation. Abide by one thing and then change it when such suits you. It will add to the allure of the perception that “you’re not all there”, which will further serve to confound your opponent.

The role of a good bully truly has a part in any negotiation. While some may call it by another name, know that it’s a role you can partake in to win more negotiations … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#NegotiatingWithABully #Bullying #Bully #negotiations #Negotiator #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

On St. Patty’s Day, Take Control of Your Luck!

“The luck of the Irish” is a fun notion celebrated with lots of images of shamrocks and leprechauns this time of year in anticipation of St. Patrick’s Day. But when it comes to being seen as a leader, luck has nothing to do with it. As the saying goes, “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.” So here are four easy steps (one for each leaf on your shamrock) to prepare yourself so that when the opportunity arises, you are ready to create your own “good luck.”

1. Project Confidence

 Whether your hands are steady or your knees are knocking at the idea of speaking to a particular person or group, project an air of poise and confidence. I’m not suggesting you act like a know-it-all or brag arrogantly about an accomplishment, but don’t let them see that you’re nervous. Rather, steady your nerves, take a few deep breaths, smile, make eye contact and own your material as you speak.

Even if someone asks a tough question, calmly acknowledge the premise and give the best answer you can. If you don’t have the answer on hand, matter-of-factly let the person know that you’ll get the answer for them as soon as the meeting is over. Showing grace under fire is a very compelling sign of confidence, and indicates that you have everything under control; you’re not panicking, so they shouldn’t either. That’s the kind of person people what to have in charge.

2. Do Your Research

When you’re going to meet with a particular audience, go beyond preparing your proposal or slide deck, and see what else you can learn about them as people. LinkedIn is a great place to start. How long have they been with the company or in the industry? What alumni associations do they belong to? What hobbies or connections do you have in common? The more areas you can find to relate to them, the more easily they will feel comfortable with you.

About five years ago I had set up a meeting with the VP of human resources of a company I really wanted to work with. The day before we met, I looked her up on LinkedIn, and to my surprise, discovered that her birthday was the very next day. (Who knew LinkedIn had birthday information?)

On the way to the meeting I stopped at the store to pick up a fun card. When we got together, I pulled the envelope out of my bag and said, “By the way, this is for you.”

She looked at me, a bit puzzled, then opened it up. When she saw what it was, her eyes widened in surprised, and with a big smile she asked, “How did you know?”

I just smiled and said, “A little birdie told me.” We’ve been friends ever since, and I’ve done tons of business with the company.

3. Rehearse Your Opening

One massive pitfall for most people is that even though they might plan what they’re going to say in the body of a presentation, when it comes to the introduction, they completely wing it. “It’s just small talk, welcoming people, and setting the agenda,” they think. “I don’t need to practice that.

Au contraire. It’s exactly that simple intro that you need to flesh out and rehearse. Although the concepts are simple, you can’t afford to trip over your words as you fumble for what to say. If the intro is clumsy and awkward, it sets a negative tone and gives a poor first impression, which will taint the audience’s view of the rest of what you’re going to say. Your image and reputation start out behind the eight ball, and then it’s up to you to come from behind rather than starting out front and simply maintaining a comfortable lead.

4. Speak in Your Best Voice

The same way you choose your outfit carefully to dress appropriately for your audience, you should also dress your words in a “suit”-able voice. Your word choice might indicate what you want the audience to think, but your vocal delivery will tell people how you actually feel about what you’re saying. If those messages are conflicting, the voice of doubt almost always wins.

For example, avoid bad habits like “vocal fry,” which is when your voice sounds gravelly like you’re sleepy or not sure about what you are saying. Remember to pause frequently enough when speaking so that you can take another breath, refuel the air tank, and allow a nice, rich, resonant voice to speak in a way that sounds convincing and convinced.

Similarly, up-speak – the vocal pattern that sounds like you’re asking question after question even when there is no question in sight –  can be another grenade to your reputation. That incessant question-like tone sounds like you are constantly seeking validation by implying, “Okay? You know? Am I right?” If you’re truly confident in your material, as any leader should be, you shouldn’t be begging for approval.  Instead, use vocal periods, allowing your voice to drop at the end of each sentence. The declarative tone sounds like you own your material and are in control of the situation.

When you put these four practices together, you’ll project the image of a person who is strong, relatable, and effective. If that becomes your normal speaking pattern, your reputation will speak for itself, so when the right opportunity arises, you won’t need luck.

Now that’s the kind of person I want to have running my projects!

*****

Do you have questions or comments about how to present yourself in the most effective way? Email me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to set up a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me, personally.

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Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Negotiations Women In Business

Do You Dance Between the Raindrops?

“The appearance of rain is soothing for some and cursed by others. When rain occurs in your life, define its purpose and use it to your advantage.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

Into everyone’s life, some rain must fall.

Some people fret when it rains. They perceive it as a disruption to their normal flow. Such people become deterred from engaging in activities that might otherwise bring opportunities and/or advantages to their endeavors. Through their incumbered mind, they become less mobile. Others dance between the raindrops. They go about their activities with an enhanced sense of purpose. Which one are you?

In this case, raindrops are a metaphor for the unexpected occurrences that happen in life, those occurrences that we’d not planned for or had little anticipation of there eminent appearance. The way you deal with such situations will determine the level of happiness you experience, your perception of how successful you are, and the stability of your mental state of mind.

The point is, raindrops will occur in everyone’s life. It’s the way they perceive such situations that will determine how they interact with those situations. Thus, if you want to achieve more in life, if you want more out of life, if you want to control more of what occurs in your life, learn to dance between the raindrops (i.e. view things from a positive versus negative perspective) … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

Raindrops (i.e. unanticipated/unplanned occurrences) occur in most negotiations of substance. If you’re not mentally prepared to address them, you can find yourself digging deeper into a hole of despair into which the waters of despair will populate. That will make the situation worse for you because you’ll start to feel besieged by what may seem to be a barrage of overwhelming activities that you can’t or don’t want to recover from. Obviously, that will put you at a disadvantage in the negotiation.

When you feel the barrage of offers/counteroffers begin to overwhelm you, stop the rain; get out of the environment or find something to buffer your perception.

Here’s what you should remember. You can stop the rain by changing your perception of what’s occurring. That will be the start of what’s really occurring (i.e. your reality is what you perceive it to be). Once you do that, you’ll be able to view what’s occurring from a perspective that’s not so debilitating. Psychologically, that will also allow the endorphins to flow that will give you a mental uptick. That will lead to you becoming a more formidable negotiator.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions #Psychology #Perception #rejection #leadership #HowToImproveYourself

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Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Negotiations Women In Business

Are You Talking Too Much?

“Talk less and you could learn more. Talk more and you could end up not knowing what’s being talked about at all.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

You talk too much! That could be the thought of someone you converse with. It would mean that you don’t allow that person to exchange her ideas in the conversation, turning what could be a monolog into a dialog. Not only would your actions indicate that what she’s attempting to say is not important, it also states that you believe what you’re saying is so important that it doesn’t require additional input. That can be a serious turnoff when attempting to exchange information. It becomes a more serious problem when two people are in a relationship. Such behavior can be the slow march to the uncoupling of the relationship.

When you’re really interested in someone, display that interest in the way you communicate. That should be done verbally and nonverbally. The nonverbal display can be made by the nodding of your head at appropriate moments, and/or even the sound of a grunt; just be cautious that a grunt is not perceived as a negative disagreement if that’s not your intent.

In order to communicate more effectively with others, you must display the ability to let the other person feel that you’re being attentive to what they’re saying. To do less than that demeans the other person and places you on a pedestal, from which it may be difficult to descend. Even if you do descend, you may have lost the opportunity to gain greater insight per how that person thinks, which could lead to the loss of greater insight from which you could think on a broader perspective.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

When negotiating, the person that speaks the most will tend to give away his negotiation position, and information that might better be kept undisclosed. That information may also be used against him. That’s one reason why good negotiators will ask follow up questions, while great negotiators will answer a question with a question; it’s the latter’s attempt to gather more information.

When engaging in a negotiation, be an astute listener. Listen to what’s said, how it’s said, and listen for what’s missing. Don’t over talk the other negotiator and don’t be so gabby that you miss the opportunity to gather more information. Once you’re adept at listening more and talking less, the more you’ll be able to see and hear what you’re missing in the negotiation. You’ll be able to magically see the other negotiator through a brighter light of transparency. That will leave you in a very powerful negotiation position … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #ControlEmotions #Psychology #Perception #rejection #leadership #HowToImproveYourself #Bully

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Accounting Best Practices Body Language Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Negotiations Skills Women In Business

What You Need to Know About Negotiation Fallacy Dilemmas

“Fallacy dilemmas are only dilemmas to the degree that you allow them life. Test them and you’ll determine to what degree they live.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

When negotiating, you should always be aware of fallacy dilemmas. In a negotiation, fallacy dilemmas are offers presented as either/or propositions, whose propositions are opposite one another. They’re presented in such a manner that they seem to be the only available options.

In discussing fallacy dilemmas with some negotiators, they’ve stated that identifying and using fallacies in a negotiation can be confusing. This article will give you insights into how you can engage successfully with them.

Here’s the challenge with fallacy dilemmas, when negotiating such propositions can be positioned to direct your thought process towards either of the options presented. In reality, there may be a number of other possible solutions that get excluded from your thought process simply because you’re being directed to consider only the proposition offered. Thus, other possible solutions are never considered. That’s why you should be mindful of when fallacies are presented.

Nevertheless, while being mindful of fallacy dilemmas being used against you, they can be an extremely useful tool to have. If you employ this tactic/strategy at the right time, you can enhance your negotiation efforts.

How to guard against fallacy dilemmas in your negotiations. 

Most know the premise, if you’ll lie you’ll cheat, and if you’ll cheat you’ll steal! If you accept that premise as a truism, you’re susceptible to the fallacy.

While it may be true that liars who cheat may also steal, or engage in any combination of nefarious activities, it doesn’t mean that every cheater steals, etc. That’s the dilemma of the fallacy.

Therefore, to guard against fallacy dilemmas during a negotiation, don’t accept any proposition as having only two alternatives.

Note: If you’re in the thick of a negotiation and you sense you’re being forced into thinking that there’s only to options, pause. Take time to reflect. Observe what the other negotiator does. If he attempts to push you into making one of the decisions offered, consider slowing the negotiation down by being more deliberate about your options.

How to use fallacy dilemmas in your negotiations.

You know how to guard against this dilemma, flip it to employ its usage against the other negotiator. To be most effective, consider presenting it in two ways.

  1. Quantitative – Use this type of offer when you want to limit the other negotiator’s perspective to a specified range (e.g. would you rather have zero or a thousand); this offer excludes the fact that through payment terms or other arrangements, he might be able to garner more than a thousand.
  2. Qualitative – Implement this method when attempting to alter the emotional mood of the other negotiator (e.g. would you rather walk away with nothing or something).

Body Language – Add value through intonation emphasis.

With body language, in this case nonverbal communication, the words you place greater or lesser emphasis on dictates the importance that those words convey. Such dictation will also convey a sense of importance when presenting your fallacies. As such, consider ahead of time what words you’ll use to convey a sense of needed urgency when making your offers and how that will be of benefit in your fallacy presentation.

Now that you have a greater awareness of fallacy dilemmas (did you catch what I just did about your awareness (i.e. if something is true, it can’t be false)), use them in your negotiations. Know that things get out of control to the degree that you don’t control them. Thus, when presented with an offer consider all of the options associated with the possible solution of that offer … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

 To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

#NegotiationDilemma #FallacyDilemma #EitherOrDilemma

#NegotiatingWithABully #Bullying #Bully #negotiations #HowToNegotiateBetter #CSuite #TheMasterNegotiator #psychology

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Accounting Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Industries Investing Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

What’s Your Company’s Moral Compass?

Imagine that you’re in the running for a coveted spot in a well-regarded organization for a high-level position. It’s taken you years to get to this place and you really want this job. You wait and wait through the agonizingly long interview process and in the end, you don’t make the grade.

These are the kinds of situations that “try men’s (and women’s) souls.” How you go through the stages of making the decision to apply, to how you tolerate the waiting, to how you manage the disappointment of being overlooked are great indicators of how you handle stress (and life) in general.

This is just one example of how reaching beyond your comfort zone initiates a series of mental challenges. In his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optima; Experience, Michaly Csikszentmihalyi (Harper Collins, New York, NY, 1990)l, spent years researching the question of what makes one happy. Ultimately, according to his findings, the answer to this very illusive inquiry was: “The control of one’s consciousness determines the quality of one’s life.”

In other words, how we internalize and make peace with the myriad of disappointments and loses as well as deal with our successes and celebrations determine our level of satisfaction we experience in our lifespan.

Given that introspection and transformation are such critical factors in every person’s – and ultimately in every company’s well-being, I’m always amazed at how little attention is paid to the recognition of how important this kind of mental training is.

And I specifically use the word “training,” because the mindset needed to weather the ups and downs of life are not natural. Our brains are wired for danger and spew forth an endless sea of worst-case scenarios. These peak performance skills need to be taught We learn them, either through the school of “hard knocks” – which can take a lifetime – or through parents, teachers, coaches and mentors.

What then, is the role of the company?  Business is business, and the bottom line is the barometer of success or failure.

Yet, the world is changing. The balance of power is shifting, and employees are demanding a more human approach to their work experience – which is in greater synergy to the more spiritual yearnings of mankind. They are asking their companies to honor higher moral values, such as a sense of purpose, respect for family life, racial and gender equality, awareness of individual differences and authenticity, to name a few. In other words, they are asking their organization to be “conscious.”

To be “conscious” means to be transparent, to allow oneself to be vulnerable, to accept responsibility for one’s own behavior and to be on the path of continuous personal and transformational growth. Where is your company on this moral compass?

Here are three ways you can begin to tackle this worthy challenge:

1. Make Your Own Personal Growth a Priority

Wherever you are in the hierarchy of leadership, ask yourself, “Where am I on my own path of personal growth?” Have I invested my efforts to be the best person I can be? Do I have a trusted advisor that helps me see my own blind spots? Every highly successful person I know has someone in their corner who helps them navigate those precarious situations that keep them up at night.

2. Listen to your employees.

Goal setting is a common measure of performance in companies. But when people don’t reach their goals, do you really know why they don’t? There are ways of increasing the level of meaningful communication between managers and employees that go way beyond the traditional semi-annual or annual reviews. Beaconforce, a startup here in San Francisco is one of those innovative companies that have a great solution to this problem.

3. Train Your Employees for the Olympics

As I mentioned above, a resilient mindset is critical for sustainable growth. It may sound like Utopia, but imagine you had an entire organization of individuals who had the mental fortitude to handle the daily pressures of work and life outside of work. Did you know that $1 billion is lost in productivity in the US alone due to stress-related absences? These stress management and peak performance skills, as I said, can be learned. Be that company who understands, appreciates, and puts into action, the concept that all change in your organization and the world, begins with each and every individual having a healthy and resilient mental mindset.

If you’d like to dive deeper to learn more about your own level of Peak Performance skills, go to http://masteryunderpressure.net or join our Facebook community at Mastery Under Pressure Community.

Or contact me directly for a 30-minute complimentary consult at tina@tinagreenbaum.com

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills

What’s in Your Blind Spot?

Part of what makes my job fun is that no two clients are trying to solve the same problem. But whether it’s about leading with confidence and authority, managing conflict, or public speaking, they do all share one fundamental challenge: a perception gap, or “blind spot.”

You see when it comes to skills of persuasion and influence, the way you come across to others can make or break your chances of getting to “yes.” The problem is that most people know how they want to come across to others, and they know how they think they come across, but they are also remarkably unaware of how they actually come across. That gap in their perception is their blind spot.

The irony is that they are present in the moment when they interact with others: they hear their own speech and would generally believe they have control over their body and facial expressions, but the way the scene appears to play out in their minds is often very different from other people’s experience. At one time or another, we all suffer from this perception gap.  So why does this happen, and how can you close the gap?

Let’s look at those three components again.

First, how do you want to come across? This connotes an intentionality, and requires some forethought prior to the conversation or presentation. Part of the problem is that most people plan for and attend meetings on auto-pilot, and fail to put any planning effort into this question. If you want people to recognize your confidence, or if you want them to see you as approachable even in times of crisis, it is critical to start with that goal in mind, and consciously monitor your participation to keep your message on track.

Second, how do you think you come across? As the meeting progresses, and/or after it’s over, take stock of how you feel at the time. For example, if midway through the meeting you can feel yourself getting agitated and defensive, remind yourself not to let your emotions get the best of you. Take a deep breath, and watch your tone of voice, body language, etc. At the end, try to reflect on what you said and how you felt at the time, and acknowledge when your speech style did or did not feel like it reflected the way you wanted to appear. Make a point to note any discrepancies to work on them for next time.

Finally, how do you actually come across? Once you’ve attempted to assess your own behavior, seek objective feedback from others. Ask them for overall impressions you made, and if they felt that you did or did not demonstrate the qualities you wanted to project. Regardless of the answer, follow up with asking why. If they say you seemed calm, nervous, moody, distracted, confident or otherwise, ask them to point out any specific behaviors that led to that impression. Maybe you didn’t realize that you kept crossing and uncrossing your arms which appeared standoffish, or only seemed to speak with people at the front of the room and ignored those in the back. Or maybe you spoke with far less intonation variation than you thought, so while you wanted to sound engaged and engaging, people actually found you to be disengaged and appear a bit indifferent. Just remember to assure them that you will openly and graciously accept their feedback, no matter what they share, and that it won’t come back to haunt them if it’s not what you had hoped to hear.

Want to test yourself? Try recording yourself in a one-minute video as you imagine yourself speaking to your upcoming audience, whoever they may be. Go through these steps, planning how you want to come across, practicing mindfulness as you speak, and then watching the video to see where there is a gap between your planning and execution. Once you’ve identified your own blind spots, then you can take meaningful steps to close the perception gap and ensure that your message lands as intended, and you are able to influence the conversation as desired to get the desired outcome.

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Are you aware of your own blind spots, but don’t know how to fix them? Or are you unsure of where they might be but recognize that you need to identify and fix them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Are We Being Negative?

Negativity. It is emotionally draining. We are bombarded with negative messages all day long. I was on LinkedIn, Instagram and Facebook over the weekend and I had to log out after only a few minutes on each platform.

There were so many quotes that start with “don’t”. So many opinions about things that quite frankly, are immaterial, or opinions about things that really did not happen.

We have become so accustomed to just putting it out there, everywhere. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves, “are we being negative?”

  • Instead of being sarcastic be kind.
  • Instead of being rude be respectful.
  • Instead of lying be honest or silent.
  • Instead of self-righteous be understanding.
  • Instead of judgmental be forgiving.
  • Instead of fearful be hopeful.

Emotions are contagious. How we think and feel affects those around us. Be positive. The power of positive thinking is amazing!

Think of best-case scenarios and work towards those goals.  Greet people with a smile and say “hello!” Let someone else have that parking spot. Take a deep breath and practice patience. Share a laugh. Say, “sorry”. Ask for help. Do your best.

Have a wonderful day!

Michelle Nasser, Executive Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

Teaching you how to make the best decisions for your organization.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Negotiations Women In Business

What’s Behind the Curtain?

“In life, sometimes it appears that we’re controlled by invisible forces. Understand those forces and you’ll have greater control of your life.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

What’s behind the curtain of your life? Are you aware of what motivates your actions and why you interact with others in the manner you do? I ask because, the more we know what moves us, the more we’ll know about where and when to move. That insight becomes our source of motivation and our sense of inspiration; it will become the driving force that drives us to become more of a force than we are.

As you engage in your daily activities, take note of why you do some of the things you do; note especially those activities that are misaligned with what you should be doing. If something is pulling you off-track, you should be mentally aware of why it’s doing so. Not until you’re mentally aware of it, can it be altered. You should also know, we are driven by our subliminal thoughts; they override our conscious thoughts. That means, when you’re unsure as to why you engage in something, it’s your subconscious mind that’s driving you.

Going forward, acknowledge and be grateful for what you have, and really appreciate it. Reflect on what you value and how it came to be; the spillover benefit will come in the form of the endorphins that’ll occur. They’ll make you feel happier about life, improve your psyche, and motivate you to achieve more in your life.  That, in turn, will lead to even greater happiness and success … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

Sometimes, we don’t appreciate what we’ve achieved in a negotiation. Nor do we appreciate the skills that we’ve accumulated that has allowed us to obtain the gains we’ve made. If you understand what’s behind your thought process (i.e. it’s makeup), you’ll be in greater touch with the feelings you have. That, in turn, should allow you to focus on what you’ve achieved in the negotiation and what’s important about those achievements. If you don’t want to lose them, protect them. That may mean exiting the negotiation at that time.

You may have a myriad of negotiation tactics and strategies that you employ at the precise moment that such is required. Remember where that knowledge came from. Recalling the sources of your thoughts will allow you to return to those sources for the purpose of refreshment and enhancement. That’s why it’s important to understand what’s behind the curtain of your life, of your mind. Those sources are direct links to what you’ve become, and from which your negotiation skills have grown.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

To receive Greg’s free 5-minute video on reading body language or to sign up for the “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/

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