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Author: Katherine Sellery

Katherine Sellery, CEO and Founder of Conscious Parenting Revolution, helps individuals minimize misunderstandings and melt-downs in order to communicate with more collaboration, cooperation, and consideration.

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Women In Business

Dear Katherine: Did I Go Too Far Trying to Meet My Son’s Needs?

Dear Katherine,

My 5-year-old LOVES sleeping with Mom and Dad at night. When we aren’t together, he says things like, “I’m so alone in this house,” which breaks my heart.

When he began coming into our room at night, we tried to send him back to bed. But eventually, I recognized that he has an unmet need for affection at nighttime, so I decided to go back to his room with him and sleep in his bed. 

This decision has unleashed bedtime chaos. My son isn’t sleeping better, my husband and I are barely sleeping at all, and now our daughter feels left out and isn’t sleeping well either. 

I wanted to meet his need, but did I go too far? 

Sincerely,

Totally Exhausted

Hey there, Totally Exhausted,

I feel for you! Sleep deprivation is no joke, and running on empty can be detrimental to our mental and physical health.

I don’t think you took it too far trying to meet your son’s needs. You were trying to be an understanding parent. Still, it sounds like you both need to do some problem-solving here.

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Conscious parenting gives us two paths to take in the face of conflict. The first is to show your child how a change in behavior or routine benefits them. The second is to show them how their behavior or routine keeps you from meeting your own needs.

I recommend approaching this scenario from both sides!

Your son is still young, but he’s capable of understanding your emotions.

Try saying something like. . .

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“I really wanted to support you and help you sleep through the night, so I decided to sleep in your room with you. But now, I’m exhausted. And when I’m exhausted, I can’t be the best version of myself for you. So we need to figure out something else that works for both of us.”

If your son is anything like most kids, he hasn’t had many opportunities to solve a problem like this one. Even the most “well-behaved” children are used to adults telling them what to do, which isn’t conducive to raising independent kids.

Avoid that common parenting mistake by encouraging him to brainstorm a list of potential solutions with you. Let him know that any idea is acceptable, no matter how silly or improbable. The important thing is that he feels heard and empowered.

Once he has the freedom to brainstorm with you, the two of you can decide on the next course of action. You may need to try different solutions to see what works and what doesn’t—but you’ll figure it out. . . together.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. Want the chance to ask me your parenting questions live? Join our Tuesday Tips for Parents inside the Conscious Parenting Revolution Private Facebook Group.

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness

Dear Katherine: I’m Nervous About the Teen Years!

Dear Katherine,

I’ve often heard you talk about why controlling forms of discipline and punishments are ineffective. But what about when kids are in danger?

Thankfully, I have yet to be in this specific position. Still, my kids are getting older. I’m worried about protecting them throughout their teen years without resorting to authoritarian discipline or punishment. As you know, teenagers can be notoriously difficult to communicate with!

How can I keep them safe in this phase of life while staying true to the ideals of conscious parenting?

Sincerely,

Concerned

Hi Concerned,

You bring up some great points that I’m happy to help you address.

I’m sensing two separate issues in your message: 1) protecting kids from danger without using force and 2) communicating effectively with teenagers.

Let’s tackle both!

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1. How to protect kids from danger without authoritarian discipline or force

Our number one job as parents is to keep our kids safe. If your child runs out into traffic, you don’t think twice; you grab them. It doesn’t matter that physically grabbing them is a use of force. We do what we must to protect our kids.

But of course, life isn’t always that black and white. As children get older, protecting them becomes more of a gray area.
It’s important to balance protecting kids with honoring their independence, and that starts with understanding the difference between using force as a protective measure (e.g., stopping a child from walking into traffic) and using it to command obedience or compliance (e.g., resorting to phrases like, “Because I said so”).

Let’s say your teenager wants their friend to drive them home after curfew, but you know this friend only just got their driver’s license and can’t yet legally have other kids in the car.

There are two ways to handle this situation. . .

You can put your foot down and say no, and when your child presses you, you can say, “Because I said so.” 

Or you can try a more respectful approach. “I like this friend of yours, and I’m happy to let you spend time with them, but I would hate for something bad to happen to either one of you in the car. What are the alternatives to this friend driving?” 

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Each example is a way of saying no. But in the first one, you’re using dominance to end the conversation. This approach may get you the desired outcome, but it won’t help your teenager understand the dangers of getting in a car with this friend. It will just make them feel misunderstood. It will also activate the famous 3Rs (retaliation, rebellion, and resistance).

In the second example, you’re leaving the door open for parent-child communication and giving some of the power back to your kid.

See the difference?

Now, let’s address the second issue.

2. How to communicate effectively with teenagers 

You mention that you aren’t sure how to parent teenagers, who are notoriously difficult to reach, without punishment or authoritarian discipline. But if a person is already hesitant to listen, do you think asserting dominance or using force will make them more or less inclined to do so?

I think we both know the answer. The good news is that you can get ahead of this catch-22 by building a foundation of trust.

You can’t protect your children if they don’t share their personal lives with you. They must have ample opportunity to confide in you about dating, friends, or schoolwork—and that you’re a safe sounding board for issues that come up.

Parenting wins don’t happen when you yell at your kid for coming home late. They happen when your child tells you about their friend who often stays out past curfew, and you explain to them, without judgment, the risks of being young and staying out too late.

I’m relieved to see you thinking about these scenarios before your child reaches this stage of life. Opening the lines of parent-child communication now will set a solid foundation and make the teen years ones your whole family can enjoy.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. Want the chance to ask me your parenting questions live? Join our Tuesday Tips for Parents inside the Conscious Parenting Revolution Private Facebook Group.

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources

5 Principles of Conscious Parenting

5 Principles of Conscious Parenting

At some point in our lives, we’ve all said this line when talking about our less-than-perfect childhoods:

If I ever have kids, I’ll never……

….make them feel like they’re less than enough

….yell at them in the middle of the grocery store

…lash out or make unreasonable rules

None of us want to repeat the mistakes our (often well-intentioned) parents made raising us. And yet, we unconsciously find ourselves repeating the cycle.

Parenting is hard. But things tend to get a lot more complicated when we act without introspection, without reflection, without consciousness.

Conscious parenting takes awareness, not only of your child, but of yourself. When we train ourselves to become aware of why we do things or react in a certain way, we can interrupt our patterns and choose a different response. We become better parents. And our children grow up to be better adults.

Willing to do the inner work to become a better parent? Here are 5 principles of conscious parenting that you can start working on now.

  1. See your kids for who they are: human beings. Parents often forget that their kids have their own quirks, preferences, and boundaries, which might conflict with the parents’ way of doing things! Your task isn’t to raise a clone of yourself, but to help your child grow and develop into the unique individual that they are.
  2. Listen with love. When voices are high or even hysterical — that’s when your child is telling you something important. You may feel the urge to yell right back, but you’ll learn a lot more if you can pause and listen instead.
  3. Build them up, don’t tear them down. Being overly critical can undermine your child’s confidence, but so can too much praise. Work to acknowledge your child’s achievements in a neutral way. Let them know that it’s possible to be good at something but still have room for improvement.
  4. Explain your reasoning. Children, even older children, may not understand the guidelines and boundaries you set for them at first. Take time to explain why they can’t watch TV for 4 hours straight or pouring milk all over dad’s laptop.
  5. Be flexible. Your parenting style should adjust to the unique needs of your child — not the other way around! Practice the 4 principles above, keep in mind that what works for one child won’t necessarily work for another, and adapt accordingly.

These principles are truly just the tip of the iceberg. If you’re ready to become a fully conscious parent, join me in the 90-Day Parenting Reset Program. This course will help you shift negative emotional patterns that eat away at healthy communication with your child.

It’s time to stop repeating old mistakes and let the past be in the past. You can step into the future by signing up for the 90-Day Parenting Reset Program.

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources

Dear Katherine: Should I Let My Daughter Stay Out as Late as Her Brother?

Dear Katherine,

My three children are 16, 13, and 9. They are all very social, but each child has a different curfew and different rules for social time. 

The 13-year-old is very upset that we won’t let her go to a party that ends at 11 p.m. She says that we would let our 16-year-old go to a party like that, which might be true depending on several factors, but our 16-year-old is old enough to have a later curfew.  

How can we help our 13-year-old see that she and her older brother are different people and that these are different situations? 

Sincerely,

Stuck in the Middle

Stuck in the Middle, this kind of conflict is completely normal in families with more than one child. Younger siblings always want to be just like their older siblings—or, just like their perceptions of their older siblings.

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You’re right to have different rules for your children. No two kids are the same. More importantly, what’s appropriate for your 16-year-old isn’t necessarily appropriate for your 13-year-old, and vice versa. I bet your 13-year-old knows that, too, even if she is fighting against it.

Conscious parenting is all about adapting your parenting approach to suit the needs of your unique child. Recognizing that you can’t have the same rules for all your children is a parenting win right off the bat! But how do you get your 13-year-old on board with a decision she doesn’t like?

The best course of action during family conflict is to initiate open parent-child communication. 

Explain to your daughter exactly why you don’t want her to go to that party, and ask her why she wants so badly to attend. You may find a compromise that works for both of you, like allowing her to stay out a bit later than normal, or hosting her closest friends at your home instead.

Make sure she knows that you aren’t saying no to assert your dominance but because you care about her safety and happiness. If she can understand that you’re on her side, she’ll be more receptive to listening to you.

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It would also be wise to explain why her older sibling has a different set of rules. Have an open conversation about their age difference, and invite her to contribute her opinions.

I know family conflicts are difficult, but above all I encourage you to be sensitive to the needs of your teenager.

Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the three R’s: resistance, rebellion, and retaliation. They crave autonomy. The more you interfere with that need, the more your daughter will push back against your rules. If she’s been included in the conversation, however, and feels she got to collaborate in creating the “rule” then the 3Rs may be avoided completely.

Your daughter wants—and needs—to learn how to manage her own life. Even the smallest compromises can make a big difference in showing her that you trust her judgment. Building trust in the beginning of the individuation process is key for a healthy parent-child relationship throughout her teenage years.

I’m sure you and your children will find the right balance that keeps everyone happy!

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Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness

What’s Your Story?

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

We tend to use this phrase when we talk about how similar a child is to their parents, when we notice repeated behaviors, patterns, and choices that pass across generations. The logic is simple: children mirror their parents’ actions and are wired to follow the examples they set.

Think about it. Our kids learn everything about life from us: how to crawl, walk, eat, sleep, talk—and eventually how to interact with other human beings and make their way through the world.

The pressure to set a good example or be a good role model can weigh heavily on you as a parent. That’s doubly true if you had issues or challenges (and who didn’t?) in your own childhood. Everyone faces roadblocks that stem directly from their childhood experiences. And whether or not we’re willing to admit it, our own upbringing directly affects how we raise our children.

I’ve shared my own story at a TEDxGEM in France: I had a loving but very traditional mother who believed that children should be seen and not heard. Because I was trained to repress my inner voice, I learned to keep my mouth shut—even when people took advantage of me.

We each have a story, and we all have scars. But we must put in the work to avoid perpetuating unhealthy patterns with our own kids. If you’re not careful, the issues your had with your own parents will rear their ugly heads in your relationships with your children.

Are you a new mother or father committed to building a loving, healthy environment for your baby to thrive? Or maybe you’re a seasoned parent whose negative patterns from your upbringing are beginning to show up in your relationship with your teenager?

Here are 3 warning signs that the apple may be a little too close to the tree:

  1. Projection. Did you have a happy childhood? Did you feel supported, understood, and seen by your primary caregivers? Adults who felt abandoned early in life, for example, may unknowingly project their own feelings onto their kids. A parental response could result in extreme behaviors such as distancing or smothering. When you respond to your child, are you acting based on your feelings or theirs?
  2. “Tough love.” Some parents deny their kids so-called benefits or privileges because they didn’t receive that treatment when they were growing up. A father may say, “You’ll work every summer instead of going to camp, because that’s how I grew up and learned to be responsible.” But “tough love” isn’t always the answer. Ask yourself if you really needed that kind of harsh treatment from your parents. What if they had been more supportive and understanding instead?
  3. Parenting out of fear. Parents understandably want to prevent their kids from making the same mistakes they did. But parenting out of fear that your children will rebel may convey the message that you don’t trust them—or, even worse, that they’re bad kids. A healthier alternative to fear-based parenting is to empower self-direction. Listen to your children’s thoughts and opinions. Show them that they can talk to you about anything and that you’ll always love them no matter what.

Facing your childhood issues head-on isn’t easy, but reckoning with your own story is the only way to ensure that the next chapter is better. When we heal past wounds, we release our children (and ourselves!) from generational patterns and lay the foundation for healthier parent-child dynamics. No matter where you are in your parenting journey, you can start to eliminate childhood baggage and create a clean slate for your kids.

Ready to work through your past to improve your relationship with your child? Send me a message and let’s begin your journey together.

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness Skills

Dear Katherine: We Give Her an Inch, She Takes a Mile

Dear Katherine,

My 5-year-old daughter has always disliked being told what to do. Now that we’re changing our approach to the parent-child relationship, she’s convinced that she was right all along about being able to do whatever she wants. 

When we give her even a little bit of freedom, she tries to take as much power as she can get. It isn’t sustainable! 

How can we achieve a healthy balance? 

Sincerely,

Not So Sure About This

Hey there, Not So Sure About This! I love this question.

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First of all, congratulations on having a confident and strong-willed child. Behaviors like what you’re describing can be the source of many parenting challenges. Take comfort in knowing that autonomous children grow up to be strong, capable adults who positively impact the world around them.

Right now, your daughter is getting her sea legs, so to speak. You’re transitioning from one parenting style to another, and she’s experimenting with her new boundaries. Where her autonomy was once limited, it’s now being encouraged. She’s grasping for power because she’s afraid she’ll lose it again.

Your daughter needs to know that you aren’t going back to the old way, which left her feeling dismissed and out of control.

The transition to conscious parenting can be disorienting for children. But the good news is that your daughter is only 5. The rule of thumb is that for each year of a child’s age, you can expect them to need that many weeks to adjust.

Here’s how to make it through the next 5 weeks:

Talk her through this transition.

Your daughter probably doesn’t realize that there is a cultural shift taking place in your family. It’s important to talk her through why you’re changing your tactics.

Help her understand that the sense of healthy empowerment she’s feeling isn’t going anywhere and that you’re committed to this new approach.

Reinforce new habits. 

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The techniques your parents used on you as a child likely inspired the parenting style you’ve relied on for the last 5 years. It’s become habitual—and habits are hard to break.

In a challenging situation, your first instinct may be to revert to your old behavior patterns. Keep reminding yourself that those habits won’t yield the results you’re hoping for.

It takes strength and determination to replace old habits with new ones. But the more committed you are to conscious parenting, the faster you’ll see positive changes.

Manage your expectations.

It’s easier said than done, but try not to get frustrated that your daughter hasn’t adjusted to these changes quite yet.

Motivating your 5-year old to act out of consideration for others, rather than because she was told to behave a certain way, is a big ask. And your daughter can pick up on your stress, so accepting that she’ll need time to evolve is key to a smooth transition.

Not So Sure About This, the most important thing of all is to keep going. You’re on the right track, and I have full confidence that you and your daughter will overcome these challenges.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources

Dear Katherine: My Kids Complain About Being Bored!

Dear Katherine,

When my two children are home from school, they don’t want to do anything. I try to get them involved in activities or camps (or at the very least encourage them to leave the house with me!) but they outright refuse.

Then they complain that they’re bored! My older daughter, who is 13, calls me a bad mom when I tell her that there’s nothing more I can do.

What CAN I do?

Sincerely,

Out of Ideas

Out of Ideas, the problem you’re facing is far more common than people care to admit! The pressure to keep children occupied at all times can be incredibly frustrating for parents.

Still, I’m sensing that this issue is less about keeping your daughter entertained and more about her inability or refusal to seek out her own joy. She tells you she’s bored, and then seemingly does nothing to fix it. When you try to guide her to the answer, she gets upset.

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There are two questions to ask yourself that will help you move forward:

1. Is her boredom making her upset, or is it making you upset?

Your daughter’s struggle to entertain herself is a problem for her to navigate. If you take this emotional load on yourself, it will only make things worse. These situations can be cyclical, and your frustration will only compound hers.

Maybe she’s content staying home but senses that you’re frustrated with her making that choice. No matter what’s really going on, it’s important to step back and resist the urge to turn her problem into your problem.

Right now, your thoughts are framed around shame and criticism. Maybe you’re internalizing your daughter’s comment that you’re a bad mom, or you feel responsible for her lack of motivation.
Either way, you’re disempowering yourself, which won’t help your daughter. Take a moment to consider what your needs are and how you can meet them. Focus on filling your cup so that you’re in a better mindset to help your daughter meet her needs. This Needs Assessment is a great tool for figuring out how well your own needs are being met.

2. Why is she leaning on you to make this decision?

Your instinct as a parent is to help your kids through their problems. Occasionally, you probably border on solving the entire issue for them. I see this common parenting mistake with my clients all the time. But here’s the thing. . .

When kids are used to having their parents solve their problems, a sudden refusal to do so can feel like abandonment.

Rest assured, you aren’t abandoning your daughter—and you certainly don’t need to leave her to figure everything out on her own. But instead, you should work on hearing her.

At the age of 13, she’s inundated with new experiences and responsibilities. School is becoming more challenging, friendships are evolving, and she’s probably making more decisions day-to-day than she ever has before. The thought of making one more choice about what to do in her spare time might be pushing her over her capacity.

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Sit with her in that place of discomfort and validate her frustration. Then remind her how capable she is. Tell her you’re confident in her ability to make decisions for herself. Assure her that the choice she ultimately makes isn’t the wrong one, even if she chooses to stay home after school.

I understand the urge to jump in and save your daughter by arranging activities or outings, but if you want to raise an independent child, you have to give her the space to figure out what she really wants to do. The best way to be a supportive parent is to build your child’s confidence in themselves.

Your daughter is more than capable of getting through this rough patch. It may even be a great opportunity for her to learn more about who she is and how to advocate for her needs.

I have utmost faith in both of you.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. Want to start 2022 differently with your family but not sure where to start? I have the perfect toolbox for you! The Conscious Parenting Kickstart is more than just parenting tips. It gets to the core of why you parent the way you do, and why your kids react the way they do. We’ll tackle those deep-seated beliefs that are holding both you and your kids back from living your best lives together, so you can make powerful, lasting changes.
The best part? The Conscious Parenting Kickstart will only take an hour of your time! Click here to check it out!

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Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness

5 tips to handle school-from-home

If you’re a parent or caregiver to a school-aged kid, chances are you’ve found yourself learning grammar or long division again — only this time, the teacher is on Zoom. And you’re fighting with the technology of uploading your child’s digital work. And trying to run a household. And maybe attempting to work yourself.

For many families around the world, school from home will be around for at least a few more months. While it’s not easy to juggle all those priorities (and all that tech!), it’s possible to make the experience a little better for both you and your kids.

The expectations around school and the pressure parents put on their kids can create a lot of stress. Whether your child is co-working with you at the living room table or back in the classroom, these 5 tips will help you both ace the semester:

  1. Discover your child’s learning style. Some kids find it easy to work independently while others need activity and collaboration. Find out which learning styles your child responds to best and help shape their experiences accordingly. Independent thinker? Give them time and space to study and work on their own. Collaborative mind? Encourage them to schedule more Zoom sessions with their classmates. Catering to their unique style will help your kid have a more positive experience.
  2. Encourage their hobbies. Who says education has to be by the book? Let your kids explore and expand their non-academic skills, like cooking, baking, drawing, or dancing. These skills are just as important as geometry or social studies. What matters is that they find ways to become engaged with something they care about. Their hobbies may change over time, but the ability to dig into an area of interest has lifelong benefits.
  3. Use the resources available. Look around you: you have a wealth of educational resources online and in your neighborhood. Coordinate a book swap with a classmate or neighbor. Hold biology class outside to look for real-life examples of the concepts your child is learning. Sign up for online guitar lessons (Youtube can teach you to do just about anything these days). Let your own creativity expand the options beyond the school’s lesson plan and the oh-so-many online worksheets.
  4. Design a schedule for learning. Children thrive with some structure in place — adults, too! It’s important that children have a dedicated time and place for school activities. Work with your child to develop their own little study nook in the house, and help them identify the best time for activities like homework and studying. While they may not be able to dictate their entire schedule, your child should definitely have input in this process.
  5. Don’t focus on the grades. Try not to be overly preoccupied with your child’s grades, especially during this wild and crazy year. Becoming too grade-obsessed can give a kid the impression that their confidence or self-worth should be tied to competency. We have to constantly remind our children that love is not something they have to earn or acquire by doing well in school or being a “perfect” human. We are worthy of love and belonging simply because we’re alive and breathing. Work to be more forgiving if your child scores lower than expected on a test. And forgive yourself if you feel like a less-than-perfect teacher. Our children’s achievements are not a reflection of us!
  6. One thing is certain: the school-from-home era has been a learning experience for all of us. Learning always means growth, which gives you and your child the opportunity to deepen your relationship and come together as a team. Besides, not everyone gets a chance to relive their school days. 🙂

If you and your child struggle to talk about school, my free eBook may help. I wrote 7 Strategies to Keep Your Relationship With Your Kids from Hitting the Boiling Point to give every parent the tools they need to improve their communication with their child, especially around hot-button issues like homework and grades. Grab your copy today.

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness

Dear Katherine: My Son Gets Anxious When We’re Apart

Dear Katherine,

 

My son is very nervous whenever we’re apart. When he’s at school, he wants me to be working from home so he knows that I’m there. Even if I’m just around the block, he stresses out about it. 

He’s afraid that I won’t come back or that I won’t come to pick him up. 

He’s 10 years old, and I want him to enjoy school and other activities that I’m not present for. 

What can I do? 

 

Sincerely, 

Trying My Best

 

Trying My Best,

 

My heart goes out to your son. He’s dealing with some big feelings! Your situation sounds like a classic case of separation anxiety.

 

What I want to emphasize first and foremost is that it’s perfectly okay for him to have these feelings. Everything we experience in life serves a purpose—even our most negative emotions. We should never tell our kids that their feelings are bad, scary, or wrong. Doing so is one of the biggest parenting mistakes we can make.

True self-acceptance has to come first if you want your son to be able to change. When we judge ourselves or our children, we create an unsafe environment for this transformation to take place.

I have two pieces of advice to help you both through this challenging period:

 

1. Be a supportive parent while your son sits with his feelings. 

Your son needs to learn how to be with the parts of him that are anxious instead of letting them define him. Help him create space between him and his anxiety. You can start by talking about it together.

Try saying, “Wow, something inside you is feeling really worried.” Provide space for him to talk about his concerns and how they make something in him feel. With practice, he’ll be able to turn toward these scary feelings, understand what they’re trying to tell him, and get bigger than what’s bugging him.

Remember, your son can only understand these feelings if can separate them from his identity. If he thinks that he is anxious, instead of recognizing that something inside of him feels anxious, he won’t be able to accurately assess any associated feelings.

This approach will help your son cope with negative feelings for the rest of his life. But there are other immediate actions you can take that will help his anxiety, too.

2. Find ways to be with him, without being with him physically. 

Separation anxiety is a common issue in parent-child relationships. Fortunately, you can help your child feel connected to you even when you’re apart. Together, brainstorm ideas that could help him through the day.

 

Here are a few to get you started, but this should be a collaborative effort with your child:

  • Give him a photo of you to keep in his pocket. When your son misses you, he can take out the photo and look at it to remember that you aren’t far away.
  • Send him messages throughout the day. If your son has a phone that he can use at school, message him periodically to check-in. No phone? No problem. Write him little notes to keep in his folders, lunchbox, or pencil case to remind him that you’re thinking of him.

Separation anxiety can be difficult for parents and children, but I know you two will get through it together!

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. The Mother Side on Good Morning Washington (ABC7, WJLA) was so kind to have me discussing how we can be more mindful in our approach with our children! I’m so grateful to be able to introduce our gentle parenting all over the world. Thank you so much for supporting the Conscious Parenting Revolution message!

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness

How to Help Your Child Navigate a Not-So-Normal Holiday Season

This year’s holiday season reminds me of the opening line in Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women:

“‘Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas without any presents,’ grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.”

The story is set in the middle of the American civil war, and the four March sisters are grieving over not being able to spend Christmas with their army chaplain father—as well as not having enough money for gifts.

Our current situation has been described countless times in the last 9 months as a “war on the coronavirus.” Many families are feeling the economic impact of the pandemic—and that strain can be compounded by pressures of the holiday season.

On top of that, the usual traditions and festivities have been altered and canceled for many. Families are struggling over how to celebrate this year. Many will make the difficult decision to stay apart. Presents will get shipped all over the world, but it’s not quite the same as being there to open gifts with your loved ones.

Perhaps, we’re all starting to grumble.

How do we embrace this not-so-normal holiday season gracefully? How do we keep our kids (and ourselves) from turning into the Grinch?

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Here are some conscious parenting tips from one of our favorite holiday songs:

Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Look for ways to make your home space bright and cheery, especially if you’re spending most of your time indoors or facing bleak winter weather. You might go wild with tinsel and lights; you might bring in an extra lamp and a potted plant. Whatever you choose, find ways to involve your child in the decorating (or redecorating) process.

‘Tis the season to be jolly. Practice gratitude. Make a point to talk with your child about how much there is to be thankful for: good health, good friends, good food. If you find you or your child sliding into the holiday blues, acknowledge their feelings. This is a difficult time. Then, help them reframe their experience to focus on what’s positive to boost their mood.

️Don we now our gay apparel. Get all dressed up, even if there’s nowhere to go! Put on your best holiday clothes for a special meal or stroll around the neighborhood. The crowd may be small, but you can still celebrate in style. Don’t forget to take pictures to send to family and friends!

 Troll the ancient Yuletide carol. Keep your traditions, even if they don’t look the way you expect them to. Light the menorah, read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, eat cookies on Bodhi Day—show your children that there’s still reason to celebrate, even in the face of adversity. This year is also a great opportunity to start a new tradition to pass on to future generations.

Still wondering how to bring some cheer to your family’s holiday season? You don’t have to figure it out alone. The Guidance Approach to Parenting is all about collaborative problem-solving, so be sure to include your child in your holiday planning. Not only does your child have their own set of wants and needs, but they can also bring some much-needed creativity into the equation!

Our Facebook group is also a great resource for parents who need support or inspiration during the holidays. Join us to ask a question, or share a challenge, or show us how you’re celebrating.

Fa-la-la-la-la!