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Author: Dana Pope

Dana Pope is a Project Management Specialist at i5 Services, overseeing CONNEX and Manufacturers Marketplace.

Dana is a published writer and professional speaker. She is a freelance writer, editor, in-depth researcher, and proofreader. She is well-rounded with her background in writing, language, business, philosophy, theology, retail, science, education, current issues, and communication. Her field is miscommunicationology.

She is a philologist, defined in Webster’s original dictionary as, “Primarily, a love of words, or a desire to know the origin and construction of language; in a more general sense.” Her attitude is “There’s always something to learn.”

Dana studies words and their meanings and has achieved a genius vocabulary level.  Her book, “Who's Changing the Meaning?” is about the definitions of words changing and the implications it has on us socially, creating miscommunication and chaos. In it, she discusses how the new definitions affect writings and speeches from long ago, like The Declaration of Independence or Dr. Martin Luther King's “I Have a Dream” speech to today's issues.

Dana is a charter C-Suite Network member and serves on the Decision Making Team of the C-Suite Manufacturing Council.

She actively blogs on current topics, creates content for courses, and improves the writing of others.

Expertise in Miscommunicationology, Thinker, Philologist, Writer, Editor, Blogger, In-depth researcher.

“A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” unknown

www.danalynnpope.com|Dana Pope is a Project Management Specialist at i5 Services, overseeing CONNEX and Manufacturers Marketplace.

Dana is a published writer and professional speaker. She is a freelance writer, editor, in-depth researcher, and proofreader. She is well-rounded with her background in writing, language, business, philosophy, theology, retail, science, education, current issues, and communication. Her field is miscommunicationology.

She is a philologist, defined in Webster’s original dictionary as, “Primarily, a love of words, or a desire to know the origin and construction of language; in a more general sense.” Her attitude is “There’s always something to learn.”

Dana studies words and their meanings and has achieved a genius vocabulary level.  Her book, “Who's Changing the Meaning?” is about the definitions of words changing and the implications it has on us socially, creating miscommunication and chaos. In it, she discusses how the new definitions affect writings and speeches from long ago, like The Declaration of Independence or Dr. Martin Luther King's “I Have a Dream” speech to today's issues.

Dana is a charter C-Suite Network member and serves on the Decision Making Team of the C-Suite Manufacturing Council.

She actively blogs on current topics, creates content for courses, and improves the writing of others.

Expertise in Miscommunicationology, Thinker, Philologist, Writer, Editor, Blogger, In-depth researcher.

“A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” unknown

www.danalynnpope.com|Dana Pope is a Project Management Specialist at i5 Services, overseeing CONNEX and Manufacturers Marketplace.

Dana is a published writer and professional speaker. She is a freelance writer, editor, in-depth researcher, and proofreader. She is well-rounded with her background in writing, language, business, philosophy, theology, retail, science, education, current issues, and communication. Her field is miscommunicationology.

She is a philologist, defined in Webster’s original dictionary as, “Primarily, a love of words, or a desire to know the origin and construction of language; in a more general sense.” Her attitude is “There’s always something to learn.”

Dana studies words and their meanings and has achieved a genius vocabulary level.  Her book, “Who's Changing the Meaning?” is about the definitions of words changing and the implications it has on us socially, creating miscommunication and chaos. In it, she discusses how the new definitions affect writings and speeches from long ago, like The Declaration of Independence or Dr. Martin Luther King's “I Have a Dream” speech to today's issues.

Dana is a charter C-Suite Network member and serves on the Decision Making Team of the C-Suite Manufacturing Council.

She actively blogs on current topics, creates content for courses, and improves the writing of others.

Expertise in Miscommunicationology, Thinker, Philologist, Writer, Editor, Blogger, In-depth researcher.

“A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” unknown

www.danalynnpope.com

Categories
Best Practices Culture Growth Management Personal Development

The Effectiveness of Social Media is Directly Linked to Your Tone of Voice

According to Statista, the statistics portal, it is estimated that 2.34 billion people use some form of online social media worldwide. There is an immense amount of information traveling the web for anyone to access. And access they do. In the Philippines, they are on social media sites an average of 3.7 hours per day, while the U.S. is on these sites approximately 1.7 hours a day. This is just social media sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram.

Not only are users reading the material posted, but they are also commenting on it too. Folks of different backgrounds, interests, beliefs, and skills are reaching out with their opinions. This makes online social media a tremendous tool for people to experience and glean knowledge they otherwise would not have discovered.

We value different viewpoints. It’s how we grow. Staying in your own little world will never result in productive, worthwhile ideas. It is being exposed to as many resources possible to receive valid, educational information.

It’s these differences that may cause contention between users. For some reason, people feel they should comment on posts in a critical manner. They attack the author with hateful remarks, believing their own opinion is the right one. This begs the question, why do people who comment on posts think they can throw the rules of courtesy out the window?

People don’t have the nerve to say what they think in public, but hiding behind the computer somewhere else they will say whatever they like. Nevertheless, the same rules for in-person interactions are still to be used on social media; be polite.

Criticism can be used to help inform another, but not when it comes in the form of hateful comments. Assaulting a post is hurtful and nonproductive. If sharing your information involves attacking another person, especially someone you don’t know, the result is you venting just to make yourself feel better. You believe you are making a point, but you aren’t.

Everyone has the right to voice their opinion. It’s how it’s done that determines the effectiveness of your message. If your purpose was to be mean and force your opinion on them, don’t post a comment. It doesn’t help the author or other readers. Moreover, it doesn’t help you since you aren’t open to learning. If your intent is to give your opinion, make it in a positive tone or no one will listen or learn.

For anyone to take criticism, the delivery has to be in a kind, teaching way. Humans don’t like being told they are wrong so they will immediately negate the comment. If you really want to educate, you convey the message in a way it will be gladly received.

We learn and flourish because of the different backgrounds, interests, beliefs, and skills each of us have. Social media is a tool to help us grow and it promotes teamwork. We all benefit as we share politely and don’t condemn each other. Online social media is a powerful tool if used correctly. Let’s take advantage of this medium and use it for its purpose; to connect, learn, and experience things that we might not be exposed to without it.

Categories
Best Practices Culture Management Personal Development Sales

The Responsibility is Too High

After making a purchase, it’s common to receive a survey asking about your experience. For the most part, companies are seeking to either, see how they can improve or how the customer feels about their business. It’s your chance to express your opinion. Companies put a lot of weight on surveys which means a lot of responsibility for the customer, so careful thought should be given.

Surveys can be about facilities, logistics, or salespeople. The question you should ask before diving in is… What is this survey pertaining to? There’s something the business wants to know. By understanding what they are evaluating your answers will be helpful.

When it comes to a salesperson’s survey, most customers do not know how to answer them correctly. A survey of the person who worked with you is not the time to complain about the company. The survey is about the salesperson. You would be blaming the wrong person for your unhappiness. Here’s what happens.

The salesperson’s survey is going to his manager. It does not get to the management or ownership of the business. Unfortunately, many businesses will ask questions on the salesperson’s survey about their experience overall, but don’t be fooled. Whatever you answer will affect the salesperson.

If you are upset with how your last visit went, don’t blame the person you are working with now. When you do, you are rating your current salesperson for what happened. Or if you think it took too long for the service department to get your item fixed don’t blame the salesperson. Unless he’s the one fixing your item, he doesn’t have control over the amount of time it took. He also doesn’t have control over how the cashier treated you. Your opinion will not get to those who can do something about it.

Stay on topic. The survey is about the person who helped you, your salesperson. In some cases, they get paid less. If their normal commission is 25%, it can be cut to 15%, because of someone or something outside the salesperson’s control.

Another example would be if your delivery was late or your items didn’t come in on time. It’s not the salesperson’s fault. They weren’t the ones delivering it to you or the one who will go and pick up the item. Don’t blame the salesperson.

Here’s an example I heard from a single mother with two children. She sold a $187.00 chair to a customer, telling him he has to put it together and that the sale was final. The customer stated he would be able to do it.

When the customer took it home, he decided he didn’t like it. The sale was final, but he wanted to return it. After the store told him no, he decided to blame the salesperson stating she lied to him so the store would allow him to return it, which he did. The customer filled out the survey on the salesperson and rated her a zero. On a scale from 1 to 10 a zero is horrific. But, the customer was happy because he was able to bring the chair back.

The outcome for the salesperson was devastating. As expected, she did lose the commission of $3.37. Okay. The score of zero meant she did not get her $1000.00 bonus that month, all because of a customer. Now you see the importance of filling out a survey correctly.

A problem with surveys is you are not given a key explaining what the scores mean. Some scales are from 1 to 5, or 1 to 10. Without understanding the ratings how can you accurately pick a number? There is a practice widely used and that is; if you score anything lower than the highest rating the salesperson fails in the eyes of the company.

You might notice when you take your car in to be serviced the attendant presses you to take the survey and give him a perfect score. What they are telling you is anything lower than the highest number will affect them negatively. They could lose money, privileges, promotion, even their job. If you are upset with how your car was washed, don’t rate the salesperson who didn’t wash the car. Anything on that survey goes against the service attendant.

Here is the company’s view from your survey. Using a system of 1 to 10 for their rating, it’s not uncommon for the scale to represent:

A score of 9 or 10 is good – it helps the salesperson

A score of 7 or 8 doesn’t hurt or help the salesperson

A score of below 7 is like giving the salesperson a zero

My practice is to give the salesperson the highest score. I don’t want the burden of taking food away from a family. If I have something to complain about I write it in the comment space. I handle a problem with a salesperson by making comments on the survey so their manager will see, but I still give them the highest rating.

I take every survey I am given. Most people only fill out a survey when they are unhappy, which means that one bad survey can blow it for a salesperson. It takes fifteen good surveys to outweigh one bad one. If you were happy with your experience, take the survey and help them out.

Receiving a survey is a huge responsibility, so take it seriously. Score it by only addressing the overall topic. If you are unhappy with the situation or the salesperson give them a high rating, putting in the notes what you didn’t like. Your comment will get to the manager of the salesperson who can address it with them. If you are happy with your experience, send in the survey with the highest grading to counteract those who don’t know the significance of the ratings.

Categories
Best Practices Growth News and Politics Personal Development

We The People

On February 14th 2017, a massacre occurred at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. A former student, armed with an AR-15 rifle walked through the halls on a shooting spree. Seventeen students and teachers were killed and fourteen others were injured. The assailant, 19-year-old Nikolas Cruz, purchased the rifle himself. This particular rifle, the AR-15, has been involved in several mass shootings. You might recognize some of these recent occurrences: Aurora, Colorado; Santa Monica and San Bernardino, California; Orlando, Florida and now Parkland.

The children have gone back to school, but understandably, with some trepidation. They have anxiety just being at school, dread fire drills, along with remembering the scene no child should have to see especially in a place that should be safe. Think back to when you attended school. Did anything like this even cross your mind? It’s unthinkable. Yet, since 2013 there has been an average of one school incident a week in the United States confirms USA Today.

Depending on how you define school shootings, there have already been 18 this year. How are our lawmakers handling this fact? They are arguing over how to define “school shootings,” states The Atlantic.

Luckily, the students of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School are speaking out. Recently the children met with President Donald Trump and with lawmakers in the Senate and the House. Their message was one of the horrors they experienced and the strength of demanding something be done.  They are confronting our leaders and holding them accountable for change.

Watching these kids from Florida describe what they went through and how they don’t feel safe in school is heartbreaking. Yet these events happen weekly. Where is the government in all this. Why haven’t things changed? We know there have been discussions in both houses and bills brought forth. These bills have experienced trouble getting passed. One reason is the tacking on of other issues that democrats or republicans want to be passed. They hope they can slide their issue in while the gun violence topic needs to be addressed now.

Another reason nothing gets accomplished is re-elections. This is an election year, so senators and congressmen don’t want to do anything to upset their chance of being appointed. Their focus in on themselves and how to keep or win the seat they want. Basically, they are working for themselves, not working for us.

Senators and congressmen are busy not only with their elections, but with keeping the powerful happy. The NRA is a powerful lobby that no one wants to upset and that gun group is against any changes to the existing laws. Who are the lawmakers working for? Not us.

Let’s take a look at what’s really going on. The recent State of the Union gives us our answer. One of the pictures taken of the house floor this year shows half the house standing in agreement and the other half seated. This not a President Trump thing. When you look at pictures of President Obama’s State of the Union you see the exact same thing except the sides of the room has switched. Our lawmakers are fighting with each other. How can anything get accomplished when the democrats and the republicans don’t work together? Our system is broken and We the People need to stand up.

The job falls to us. We are to hold our senators, congressmen, judges, city and state officials accountable. We are charged with this task by The Declaration of Independence. It states, “That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends [unalienable Rights], it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government…”

When our leaders fall away we are to speak out. Not in the shameful way the media does about our President. Instead, we require our leaders to succumb to the design our country was founded on. This is found in The Declaration of Independence and The Constitution. We the People send the message to our lawmakers; adhere to the rules or you will be removed.

Our government is fractured and needs to be rectified. That means getting rid of those senators and congressmen who are not working for us. There are many leaders in office who have lost the reality of what the people want. They represent their own interests. We must cut them loose.

Our message is clear. No longer do we accept the shut-down of our houses. We don’t tolerate stall tactics; we demand action. We demand that you work while you are in the office we put you in. No longer will we pay the price of your lack of work or your own agendas.

This is an election year and it’s time to clean house. Put term limits in place. You serve two terms and then you are done. For those currently in office, when your second term is up you can’t run again, period. This can be pushed through the Senate and the House of Representatives if we push our leaders to get it done.

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School was named after a woman who was an environmental activist and journalist. She encouraged people to be a “nuisance” and “never give up” even when politics stand in the way. The students are doing just that. It’s our time to join them while they have the ears of our leaders. We must correct our country now.

 

“You have to stand up for some things in this world.”

-Marjory Stoneman Douglas

Categories
Best Practices Growth Management Personal Development

MLK’s Dream is More Than You Think

On August 23, 1963, civil rights leaders led a march on Washington, DC. Speeches were given and music played to show support for civil rights legislation and to protest racial discrimination. One of the speakers was Martin Luther King, Jr., a minister and civil rights activist. His speech “I Have a Dream” is one of the most well-known speeches of all time. His message was powerful and based on a dream for our country.

The address took place on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. King said, “When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the “Unalienable Rights” of “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” King pointed out that it was a “sacred obligation” that America promised its people.

His words are a direct quote from The Declaration of Independence. King is reminding us of the promises that our founding fathers, the architects of our republic, made when they established America. He is holding our country accountable, which is the duty of the people.

He goes further by reminding the government that “Unalienable Rights” along with “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” are promised for all people. Black people, white people, everyone. Later in his speech, he quotes The Declaration again when he says, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” King is taking the foundation of our country, calling our leaders to uphold those words. He is taking the original message of our national documents and staying true to them. By quoting the Declaration of Independence King shows he has grounded his leadership and his ministry to a firm base. To stay strong as a people and as a nation, we have to uphold our foundation.

Dr. King’s dream for America is the original American dream that “all men are created equal.” His speech is about equality, freedom and making a nation strong. He even tells us how to achieve it. Unfortunately, we don’t usually hear that part of his message. Instead, we get five minutes of the I have a dream part and not the rest of his message that addresses how to make equality happen. King didn’t just talk about civil rights; he set a plan of action into place. Yet we don’t hear that part. The actual “I Have a Dream” speech is 17 minutes long and filled with so much more than we are exposed to. It’s worth listening or reading the entire thing.

Unfortunately, that may be difficult to do because of “public domain.” This term refers to a creative material that is not protected by intellectual property laws like copyright, trademark, or patent laws. In other words, if something is public domain it is owned by the public so anyone can use it.

Dr. King was the one who obtained the rights to his speech. He decided to do that about a month after he gave the address. There were two companies who started selling unauthorized copies of it. Dr. King put a stop to it by copyrighting the speech. Since then his family has received income from anyone who wants to use the material.

I understand why the family would want to keep the rights so they can control where and how the speech is used. There have been historians and civil leaders who have tried to get open access for all to the speech but to no avail. Unfortunately, since it is challenging to find the entire speech and video, most people don’t know what is in it.

What we don’t see is all the wisdom that Dr. King talked about. He tells about the injustice of blacks and the urgency of changing things now. He doesn’t just talk about how things could be; he tells us how to do it. He specifically instructs black men on what he is to do, and educates white men what to do. Dr. King doesn’t just throw out what is happening and what it should be. He tells us how to fix it.

I was able to receive permission to print the entire speech in my book “Who’s Changing the Meaning?” Through the right channels, they allowed me to put the speech in its entirety for $600. I felt so strongly about getting people to read the document that I agreed to pay for it.

This is one of America’s greatest speeches If we expect things to change we have to change. And change will occur if we follow what Dr. King suggests. You need to read the entire speech. It is even more powerful if you get to watch Dr. King’s presentation while you read the words. It will affect you! Change has to happen. Why not follow the man who not only dreamed of what could be but also showed us the way.

Soli Deo Gloria

Categories
Best Practices Growth Management Personal Development

MLK’s Dream is More Than You Think

On August 23, 1963, civil rights leaders led a march on Washington, DC. Speeches were given and music played to show support for civil rights legislation and to protest racial discrimination. One of the speakers was Martin Luther King, Jr., a minister and civil rights activist. His speech “I Have a Dream” is one of the most well-known speeches of all time. His message was powerful and based on a dream for our country.

The address took place on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. King said, “When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the “Unalienable Rights” of “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” King pointed out that it was a “sacred obligation” that America promised its people.

His words are a direct quote from The Declaration of Independence. King is reminding us of the promises that our founding fathers, the architects of our republic, made when they established America. He is holding our country accountable, which is the duty of the people.

He goes further by reminding the government that “Unalienable Rights” along with “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” are promised for all people. Black people, white people, everyone. Later in his speech, he quotes The Declaration again when he says, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” King is taking the foundation of our country, calling our leaders to uphold those words. He is taking the original message of our national documents and staying true to them. By quoting the Declaration of Independence King shows he has grounded his leadership and his ministry to a firm base. To stay strong as a people and as a nation, we have to uphold our foundation.

Dr. King’s dream for America is the original American dream that “all men are created equal.” His speech is about equality, freedom and making a nation strong. He even tells us how to achieve it. Unfortunately, we don’t usually hear that part of his message. Instead, we get five minutes of the I have a dream part and not the rest of his message that addresses how to make equality happen. King didn’t just talk about civil rights; he set a plan of action into place. Yet we don’t hear that part. The actual “I Have a Dream” speech is 17 minutes long and filled with so much more than we are exposed to. It’s worth listening or reading the entire thing.

Unfortunately, that may be difficult to do because of “public domain.” This term refers to a creative material that is not protected by intellectual property laws like copyright, trademark, or patent laws. In other words, if something is public domain it is owned by the public so anyone can use it.

Dr. King was the one who obtained the rights to his speech. He decided to do that about a month after he gave the address. There were two companies who started selling unauthorized copies of it. Dr. King put a stop to it by copyrighting the speech. Since then his family has received income from anyone who wants to use the material.

I understand why the family would want to keep the rights so they can control where and how the speech is used. There have been historians and civil leaders who have tried to get open access for all to the speech but to no avail. Unfortunately, since it is challenging to find the entire speech and video, most people don’t know what is in it.

What we don’t see is all the wisdom that Dr. King talked about. He tells about the injustice of blacks and the urgency of changing things now. He doesn’t just talk about how things could be; he tells us how to do it. He specifically instructs black men on what he is to do, and educates white men what to do. Dr. King doesn’t just throw out what is happening and what it should be. He tells us how to fix it.

I was able to receive permission to print the entire speech in my book “Who’s Changing the Meaning?” Through the right channels, they allowed me to put the speech in its entirety for $600. I felt so strongly about getting people to read the document that I agreed to pay for it.

This is one of America’s greatest speeches If we expect things to change we have to change. And change will occur if we follow what Dr. King suggests. You need to read the entire speech. It is even more powerful if you get to watch Dr. King’s presentation while you read the words. It will affect you! Change has to happen. Why not follow the man who not only dreamed of what could be but also showed us the way.

Soli Deo Gloria

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

From Human to God

“For the first time in history, more people will die today from eating too much than from eating too little; more people die from old age than from infectious diseases; and more people commit suicide than are killed by soldiers, terrorists, and criminals combined.” “The average human is far more likely to die from bingeing at McDonald’s than from drought, Ebola or an al-Qaeda attack.”

Yuval Noah Harari, book Homo Deus; A Brief History of Tomorrow, 2017

What was that? It can’t be right!  Yet in the last few decades, we have been able to move closer to managing famine, plagues, and war. We haven’t overcome them, but we have significantly decreased their effect on us. If we do solve these, what will we work on next. That is the topic of the book “Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow” by Yuval Noah Harari, a Ph.D. of history from the University of Oxford.

What about immortality? If we can overcome the big three; hunger, disease, premature death, aren’t we trying to extend life? If the right to life is humanity’s most fundamental value, death would violate that right. Death would be a crime against humanity.

Our focus would become the re-engineering of our bodies. Extending our life to 150 years would bring us closer to divinity; going from Homo Sapiens to Homo Deus. Harari’s book examines how this can be accomplished. If we become the focus of our divinity then we won’t need God. Consequently, we will no longer focus on faith in God but faith in humanity.

That is what Humanism is about. Humanism is relying on human fulfillment and inner experiences. The practice is stating that the ultimate source of meaning for the entire universe comes from within you, not from a higher authority like God. You can rely on your own feelings and desires to determine what is right.

Humanism teaches that something is bad if it causes someone to feel bad. That’s where all this “me” mentality has come from.  You are out for yourself. You put emphasis on feelings, desires, and experiences. This type of thinking will be the destruction of us.

In my book “Who’s Changing the Meaning?” I address Humanism’s idea of “it’s bad if it hurts someone,” by looking at Relativism.  We define relativism as; “The belief that different things are true, right, etc., for different people or at different times; a theory that knowledge is relative to the limited nature of the mind and the conditions of knowing; seeming to be something when compared with others.”

Relativism is different things to different people. That means it is not absolute. It is at best a shooting target, hoping it lands where the result is favorable to you.

What the definition states is relativism is truth based on what anyone will think even though they aren’t capable of knowing yet if it really is or isn’t something. The entire definition contradicts itself, making no sense at all; nonetheless, we accept relativism when any idiot refers to it. Humanism concurs with the idea that truth changes.

Relativism affirms that what is true is conditional, that no system of truth is more valid than another. Truth is what is relevant to each person. My truth is different from your truth, which is different than the homeless man’s truth, which is different from Charles Manson’s truth, which is different than O.J. Simpson’s truth.

Truth cannot be contradictory. Truth is set, a never changing thing. Relativism defies the very nature of what is true. It changes on a whim, bending for each person but unattainable for all. There is no chance every person will get what is relevant to them in any situation that involves another person. Relativism is impossible to achieve. With Humanism it would be impossible to determine what is right or wrong based on if it hurts another. What doesn’t hurt one person may still hurt someone else.

Harari goes further in his book by looking at the biochemical responses in the brain. He covers how our consciousness works and how our brain processes the things around us. As I finished one chapter I found the next to be even more interesting. I don’t agree with everything the author states, but I am fascinated about the thought-provoking ideas Harari presents.

Homo Deus is on the to-read list of Bill Gates. Gates states about the book, “It is a deeply engaging book with lots of stimulating ideas and not a lot of jargon. It makes you think about the future, which is another way of saying it makes you think about the present.”

Bill Gates, https://www.gatesnotyyy6tes.com/Books/Homo-Deus

Homo Deus is a great book to open up the mind. It awakens you to see what is going on around you and how it can affect your future. Challenge your brain and enjoy this great read.

Categories
Best Practices Growth Skills

Are We Creating Bullies and Wimpy Kids?

A Tennessee middle-schooler, Keaton Jones, was on a video where he lamented about being bullied at school. The video pulled at our hearts as he asked, in a cracked voice, why some kids are bullies. Keaton stated that he was teased because of his looks and for being different.

Keaton is not alone. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that twenty-eight percent of students in grades 6 – 12 have been bullied at some point. Looking at just cyberbullying, the number of those bullied went from 18% in 2007 to 34% in 2016. The increase in suicides by those tormented has increased so much we added a new word for it: bullicide; a combination of bully and suicide.

A bully is a person who is habitually cruel to smaller or weaker people. There are several actions that a bully uses: name calling, making fun of, pushing, spitting, and stealing, along with excluding them from activities or groups. Kids who are bullied are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, loss of eating and sleeping, a drop in their grades and less interest in activities, to name a few. Being bullied can have a negative effect that will stay with children, even when they become adults.

There are also effects that bullies carry with them as adults. Kids who torment others are more likely to get into fights, vandalize property, drop out of school, abuse drugs and alcohol, have poor relationships and have criminal convictions. Whether a child is the bully or being bullied, there is a lasting negative effect that can be played out when they are adults.

Both sides of bullying need to be addressed and parents are a great influence on their kids. Let’s look at the bully side first. Being a bully is a learned behavior. A York University study found that children who are bullies have little support from their parents, live in homes of high conflict and their parents don’t monitor their children’s activities. Bullying is a learned behavior that a child picks up from people they live with.

Parents of a bully can counteract this behavior by:

Active relationships – spend time with your kids. Set expectations and have some rules.

Physical exercise – take the kids outside to play. Teach them to play fair.

Look at your behavior – what are you modeling for your child in the way you speak to and treat others, in violence, with racism, etc. Demonstrate better behavior with support and unity. Remember, you are their parent, not their best buddy.

Now let’s address the child being bullied. In a perfect world, there would be no bullies. Since there are, we can prepare our children not to be tormented. Teach kids that their differences are what make them who they are. When you encourage and support their uniqueness, they will gain confidence. The most successful people are those who have embraced who they are.

Bullies use the unbalance of power; physical strength, embarrassing information or their popularity as weapons. Kids who are bullied need to take back the power so they can stand up for themselves.

Here are a few things parents can do to teach their children how to avoid being bullied:

Model confidence in the things you do. Be an example to your children.

Encourage them to try new things. Be there with them. Set them up for success.

Let them fail. Failure is learning. Don’t remove obstacles. Praise them for their hard work and their resilience.

Let them weigh out the options. Children with low self-esteem have parents who advise them too much. Children have to learn to make decisions.

A bully needs a victim; teach your child not to be a victim. Coddling your child doesn’t give them the capacity to handle negative situations. Build up their confidence. Teach them to take criticism so they won’t internalize what someone says.

Parents are the first line of defense against raising a bully or raising a victim. Standing back and asking, ‘what are we going to do to protect our children while expecting someone else to step in isn’t a solution. The most effective thing you can do is equip your child with the tools he/she needs to stop being a bully or to overcome bullying.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Categories
Growth Management Personal Development

Using Language to Manipulate

If people were deceiving you right to your face would you want to know? That’s not such an unheard of idea. When people talk with each other today it’s common not to say what we mean.

Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?

No.

[It’s your butt that makes your jeans look fat but I can’t say that.]

Would you like to go out again?

Yes.

[He never heard from her again.]

He’s a really great worker.

[I’m glad he’s out of my department. He wasn’t a good employee.]

It’s easier to say what we think someone wants to hear instead of saying what we think. We hope to avoid hurting another person or the confrontation that might ensue. We answer by the painless way out. We want to get our way so we gloss over the truth. These are common practices in our communication and it’s considered acceptable. It’s delivering a message by using words that hide our true thoughts.

That is one way to use language for our benefit. Another way is by changing definitions of words in order to con others. It has been happening for years yet most people aren’t aware of it.

We learn language from our parents, from school, and from the world around us. As a word is introduced we learn what it means. From there we build sentences, which make it possible to get our message across to others. Communication occurs when a speaker conveys a message and a listener understands what the speaker is saying. It takes the speaker using the right words for his message and the listener understanding what those word mean. But what happens when the definitions of words are changing from what we learned them to mean and we aren’t aware that it’s happening?

Take the word crib. Standing alone we don’t know if the meaning of the word is a baby’s bed or a place to live. The word has changed meanings. The word reality means actual, truth; it’s real. Today we use the word reality as being real or the resemblance of being real. The word reality originally meant it had to be fact. Today it only has to appear to be real.

We’ve seen it on television shows. We used to have reality shows where people were shown as their real self. Later on we find out the reality stars had been coached so it creates better TV. From there we changed reality programs to actuality programs to show that actuality is the real thing. Right.

We even changed the word true. It originally meant fact, actual, genuine, real. Today the word true means conforming to reality. We just learned that today we define reality as resembling something real.

The word true went from fact to anything that looks like it could be fact.

When someone tells you that something is true we think it is fact. What they mean is it’s something that appears to be fact but might not be. If you take what the speaker says as real you are being fooled. Their intention is to deceive you so you will believe them. The speaker is using the change in definitions to manipulate you to their ideologies. You are being duped and you don’t even know it.

It may seem harmless but it is anything but that. When a person is exposed to something over a period of time they adapt to it. For instance, you see a dirty window at home and it bothers you but you don’t take the time to clean it. After a period of time it doesn’t bother you anymore. Your viewpoint has changed. You have been conditioned to accept what you really wouldn’t allow before. This is how the changing of definitions is moving the beliefs and actions of unsuspecting sheep.

No need to fret. An informed mind is an effective mind. We can put a stop to this takeover. Realizing there is a problem is the first step to repairing it. We won’t be fooled since we are aware of what is going on. Check out my website for more: https://www.danalynnpope.com

Categories
Growth Management Personal Development Women In Business

The Other Side of Sexual Harassment

A lot of women who are employed outside the home have been sexually harassed at work.  It happens in every industry. Men are inappropriately touching, speaking, or wanting sexual activity from a woman.  Whether he’s her boss or someone she works alongside, women deal with uncomfortable and sleazy advances.  Undoubtedly, the thought of losing her job crosses her mind.

When the advances come from a boss, women have to think what it will do to her career. Will she get passed over for a promotion, receive a poor review, or lose her job. Advances from a co-worker cause a woman to worry that others will hear about it, ruining her reputation, or separating her from the team.

In Hollywood, it’s no surprise this has been happening. We’ve heard stories of couch calls for decades. These auditions are invitations from intimidators to engage in something sexual so the actor will get the part. In the 60’s and 70’s mothers would bring their daughters to these meetings knowing what would happen. Sexual misconduct also happens after the actor receives the role.

Recently, film producer and co-founder of Miramax, Harvey Weinstein, has been in the news about his sexual harassment of actors and staff. Women have stated they were afraid to speak out, saying that Weinstein could make or break their career. That’s a ludicrous reason for letting it continue. Without putting a stop to it means you value your career over your body, your dignity. When you don’t shut it down you are allowing it to happen. You make the choice of what is more important to you, your body or your career. Once the choice is made, you must live with it. If you don’t put a stop to it, then you are supporting it.

One of the actors speaking out against Weinstein said that Weinstein raped her twice. How does that transpire. There’s only one way: by putting yourself in the same situation again. Then whose fault is it.

Since then many women have stepped forward, telling about sexual misconduct at work. It covers all industries:

Corporate leaders, politicians, athletes, media people, chefs, photographers, animators, talent agents, singers, doctors, professors, deans.

The list keeps growing.

Choosing to let it happen by reason of valuing your job over your body makes you just as guilty as the oppressor. Giving into the situation doesn’t matter if you are an actor, an executive climbing the ladder, a minimum wage earner or any employee. Women need their jobs and worry about losing them in every industry.

In these situations, women have the power. They can take control or give it up. You take control by saying no. There are numerous stories of actors who told Weinstein no and left unscathed. If you don’t shut it down you are participating.

Men should never put women (and vice versa) in a position where they feel sexually harassed; period. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen. There are actions women can do:

  1. Immediately say NO, making it clear that you mean it.
  2. Remove yourself from the location. That means physically move away.
  3. Put a stop to it. Adamantly tell him that you do not accept that behavior and he is never to do that again.

There is no excuse to allow being harassed. If you come up with an excuse you are participating. Excuses are a way to hide your guilt to yourself. You can’t justify letting it happen if you think you will lose your job or for any other reason. You put a stop to it or you are engaging in it.

Imagine what it would be like today if women stood up to their bosses or co-workers a long time ago. We wouldn’t have all these accusations coming out now. We wouldn’t have our daughters subjected to this kind of treatment. Women would have already taught men that the behavior is not allowed. It’s like training a new puppy; sometimes you have to ‘pop him’ in the nose so he will learn.

If you didn’t confront the behavior long ago you have allowed it to continue. You still have the power.  Train him at the time it arises. Remaining silent doesn’t stop sexual harassment; it’s participating in it. Take immediate and assertive action, and shut it down.

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Growth Management Personal Development

Customers are Always Right… Not Anymore

Customers are Always Right….Not Anymore

(You’ve created this monster. Now, what are you going to do!)

You have to admit, things are different in our world these days. We are faced with dangers we didn’t worry about a few years ago. Every day we hear about mass shootings, road rage, physical and verbal attacks or disrespecting authority. Right as we get used to these horrid occurrences, something more appalling happens, like the shooting in Las Vegas. Crimes will continue to intensify and the more they occur, we will become desensitized to them.

The behavior of our society has altered from what it was even ten years ago. People make judgments on others without knowing anything about them. Verbal attackers interpret what they think the speaker means. They translate what is spoken by their own definitions without even knowing the person, and the problem is escalating.

This judgmental behavior carries over to your business. No longer is Sally Shopper coming in for a pleasant experience looking for her treasure. Now customers are rude, demanding what they want. It doesn’t matter what you offer them, they think they deserve better. This attitude and expectation of the shopper has changed the concept: the customer is always right.

Your goal as a business owner is to serve your consumer. You want to take care of them so they will return. To make that happen, you give them special services or pricing.  The idea is to turn the customer into a repeat buyer instead of a one-time shopper.

This mentality doesn’t work today. The consumer is not the person you have catered to in the past. You are now a supplier to purchasers who have a “me” attitude, wanting to tell you what the deal will be. Although you give away the farm it won’t be good enough.

Nevertheless, you can turn this around provided you change your philosophy. It takes time and sacrifice, but in the end, your company’s sales will benefit. You have to stop the bleed by teaching your patrons how to be good customers.

Think about what has been occurring. The purchaser comes in, you show them what they need, they bicker, you give in, and when they come back they quarrel more. They know you will give in so why not. You have trained the customer what to do, consequently, they will continue. The result is a negative impact on your bottom line.

This cycle has to stop. It’s okay to give special service or pricing to a consumer the first time. Through that deal, they see they are appreciated. Make it a big deal so they understand it is exclusive to them and a one-time occurrence. Here’s the hard part. Then it’s back to business.

Whoa, whoa you say. I don’t want to lose their business. This is where we separate the men from the boys. It’s time to go into training mode. You are looking for long term. Making the first transaction an unrepeatable, good deal is a start. What’s next?

It isn’t necessary to keep selling below what you list. If you are constantly being asked for discounts then reduce your price and uphold it. You won’t need to lower the amount because it is priced right. You believe in what you sell; now teach the customer the value of your products or services.

What will happen is the client will get used to how you do business. You don’t see doctors and dentists being asked to lower their price because we know the price is fixed. We can have that too. For example, when your customer wants to purchase an item listed at $500 don’t change your $800 price any lower. If they are only willing to pay $500 then show them what they get for $500. They set their budget; we teach them what’s available at that price.

We can’t do business the way we used to; consequently, we have to change with the times. Educate your customers. The consumer has forgotten that you are there to help them find the product or service they are looking for. You are the expert of your business. Train them how to work with you. Stand by your price. Stick with your policies. If you are not willing to do that then rethink what you are doing. If you don’t believe in what you are offering how will your customers.