Click here to watch Deliberate Practice: 4 Steps to Enhancing Your Influence
Being influential requires deliberate practice, discipline and hard work. The good news, we communicate 24/7 every day. Therefore, we have unlimited opportunities to enhance our level of influence every day. This video will share with you four practical and immediate ways you can begin practicing today to grow your influence.
“Sunday Negotiation Insight”
“The decisions you make in life will determine the roads you’ll travel. Manage your decisions better and you can travel better on life’s roads.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert
“Life’s Choices And The Roads To Which They Lead”
Most people are very much aware that the choices they make in life determine what they’ll experience in life. That’s to say, some are aware of such at an intellectual level but are not mindful of such in their everyday practice. Such a lack of attentiveness to the choices we make and the impact they have on our life lead some people down a road upon which they had not planned to travel. Worse, such inattentiveness can lead to unintended consequences.
As you engage in your daily activities, be mindful of what you’re doing and the decisions you make. The impact they have on your future can be long-term. In lending your attentiveness to making such decisions consider:
The more you’re aware of the impact today’s decision may have on the long-term aspects of your life, the more you’ll be mindful of controlling such decisions. Doing so will relieve you of the potential angst that you might have otherwise experienced … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
When negotiating, one has to be highly aware of where a decision might lead. To haphazardly engage in a negotiation with a ‘go with the flow’ mindset is to engage in folly; you leave the outcome to chance and chance favors the person that’s more prepared and thoughtful.
To thwart folly, have a well thought out negotiation plan. Consider the possibilities of where one decision might lead versus another and what impact such might have on the negotiation outcome.
Negotiations are like a game of chess. The more thoughtful you are about your decisions and the more you can think of the moves you’ll make down the line, the better you’ll be able to control the flow and outcome of the negotiation. That’s how good negotiators win more negotiations. The question you should now consider is, how good do you wish to be in any of your negotiations? To enhance your negotiation win rate, make better decisions by considering the impact of those decisions.
Remember, you’re always negotiating.
It’s absolutely true that we are all busier than we used to be. There are many things vying for our attention – from kids and family to our business commitments. In fact, many times it feels down right exhausting. And you are thinking to yourself right this very moment, “so now you are telling me to carve out time to volunteer?” The number one excuse I hear all of the time when I advise people to get involved in their community by volunteering at events or joining a nonprofit board or a service club is “I don’t have time.” As with anything in life, the benefits of how you spend your time must be worth it. Because there are two things the world doesn’t make more of and that is land and time.
Volunteering was not something I grew up doing much of, nor did I see members of my family doing it. Sure there were the occasional baseball games of my brother’s where we had to work the concession stand, but that was basically it. Other than a few instances like this, I wasn’t exposed to much volunteering.
So when I decided to join a service club in 1995, I was not only busy in both my personal and business lives, but I was about to embark on something that was, quite frankly, way out of my comfort zone. And that’s exactly why I did it.
You see I used to be very shy. I was uncomfortable being in a room full of people I did not know. What would I say to them? How did I go about starting a conversation with someone I knew nothing about? It was paralyzing. Those that know me well always find this fact a bit unbelievable. But that’s the whole point. Being involved with a service club helped me overcome shyness and increase my self-esteem. It was the number one way I was able to grow personally and professionally.
Here are five ways volunteering can help you build your personal brand:
Volunteering can help with many aspects of sharpening your skills or discovering a hidden talent. There might be instances when you will take the lead on a project or lead a committee or board. I do not care how great of a leader anyone is, managing a nonprofit board is always a personal growth opportunity. Besides honing people skills, other skills you may learn include developing a strategic plan, preparing a budget, learning to fund raise, mastering decision making, or marketing an event. The more unique skills you have, the more you differentiate yourself.
It may be as simple as learning not to be afraid to speak up with your ideas in a small group setting, or it may be as big as being the president of a service club and having to speak to a room full of members regularly. There are opportunities at both ends of the spectrum.
For the most part, we are all comfortable talking about what we know very well, but when it comes to speaking about something new to us, this provides an opportunity for growth. As mentioned earlier, I was extremely shy and the thought of standing up in front of others was not something I even saw myself doing.
Now with over 20 years of volunteer and nonprofit board experience – which included serving as the International President for a service club – I have overcome this to the point that I do keynote speeches. If I can do it, you certainly can!
Building confidence goes hand-in-hand with learning new skills and becoming more comfortable speaking in front of others. Your confidence will grow when you become better at anything you do.
Empathy is about putting the needs of others before your own. That is what you do when you volunteer. Volunteering demonstrates you care and that you can be sensitive to the needs of others. Giving back teaches you to nurture relationships and take your eyes off of yourself. The atmosphere of volunteering allows you to be open to different views and gain real connections with people, which builds trust. Trust is at the core of every successful business and personal interaction.
When you put yourself out in the community, you will meet new people, thus strengthening your network. Many movers and shakers in your field or community are already volunteering and looking to connect with others. Building relationships is vital to anyone’s success. You may gain new clients or it may lead to new career opportunities. The more you are seen, the more people will think about you for various business, or even personal, interactions.
Building your personal brand by giving back to your community is a powerful win-win. These five areas develop who you are as a person and the value you provide to others. Because in the end, personal branding is about what you bring to others.
I help executives create a powerful image and brand so they look and feel confident wherever they are. Contact me at sheila@imagepowerplay.com to schedule a 20-minute call to discuss how we can work together to grow your visibility through my return on image® services.
“Sometimes, the subliminal mind stores impressions of what the conscious mind is unaware of. In order to see better, look for the unseen.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert,www.TheMasterNegotiator.com
When observing your body language, do you take the time to interpret what you see? I don’t mean, if you see a cat, you recognize it as a cat and then go about addressing your next activity. What I’m referring to, especially when it comes to major decisions, is understanding how you formulate your decision based on the way you interpret what you’re seeing.
When it comes to reading body language, many experts will inform you that the eyes are the window to the soul. That’s true to a degree and not so truthful. The one consideration that has to be factored in that analysis is the interpreter. That means, per the way each of us see ourself, we see the world. Thus, if we say someone looks up and to the left, they’re recalling something that’s occurred in the past, we may be right. We could also be wrong if that person’s inclination is to look up and to the left when considering future activities. Therefore, we must know how that person uses her eyes to gain a higher level of perspective per what that person is doing at that time. That’s one aspect per how we perceive that person. The other aspect that we should consider is why we’re giving the meaning to that person’s actions (i.e. what we really saw). If you’ve observed the person’s eye movement throughout a conversation and you note that she looks up and to the left when considering future activities, you have a foundation upon which to base your assumptions. Ergo, be sure to base your perception and what you see on a firm foundation, not just conjecture. To do so otherwise could cause you to fall prey to your lying eyes attempting to convince you that you’re seeing the truth. Your eyes may not lie to you, but they can be lied to, which could place you in a quagmire.
Consider the following checklist, based on the importance of the decision.
It’s been said that seeing is believing. That’s true to some degree because to a degree we see what we expect to see; that has to do with the way our brain perceives motion, fills in voids, etc. The point is, while we believe our eyes don’t lie to us, we can believe a lie that we see. Thus, always be mindful about how you glean some clues as to what someone is thinking, based on the movement of their eyes. Eye movement is part of the puzzle. To be more exact, look for clusters of body movements (i.e. hands, head, feet, etc.) to add validity to your assessment.
The better you become at deciphering how you interpreted what your eyes see, the better you’ll be able to read body language. Then, you’ll be more certain about believing what your eyes are telling you … and everything will be right with the world.
Remember, you’re always negotiating!
I’m sure you’re familiar with that unpleasant feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize you have to give someone negative feedback. You don’t want any drama and you try to avoid conflict, but eventually you have to find a way to tell them that the report needs to be redone, that they’ve been late for the third time, or that the promotion is being given to someone else.
While it may not be surprising that, according to a recent HBR study, 21% of people will avoid giving negative feedback to direct reports, the same study revealed that 37% of people also don’t give positive feedback! At that point, the question becomes: Is it actually harder to give praise than critique?
The article proposes a variety of reasons why people don’t give positive feedback, ranging from being “too busy” and forgetting, to feeling like a boss should be tough, or that giving praise was a sign of weakness.
Most intriguing to me, however, was the idea that some people don’t give positive feedback because they don’t know how. So from here, let’s look at three simple strategies for giving clear and effective positive feedback.
K.I.S.S.
No, I’m not suggesting you do anything that will warrant a call from HR. You are probably familiar with the age-old acronym K.I.S.S., or “Keep It Simple, Stupid.” Praise doesn’t need to be emotional, gushy, effusive or melodramatic. People just like to know – especially from you “tough graders” out there – that they have met your standards, produced high-quality work, or been successful at completing a difficult project on time and under budget.
Simple comments like, “Thanks for getting that piece back to me so quickly,” “The layout looks terrific, nice job,” or “Looks like you got everything back up to date, much better” are all that is needed to let people know where they stand. It also provides a sense of closure, which helps keep them from worrying that there may be more bad news to come, so they can comfortably shift their full attention to the next task on the list.
Be Specific
Generic comments like “good job,” while better than nothing, don’t tell the person what it is that you like about it, and can often feel perfunctory and insincere. Whatever it is, referencing the specific effort or product helps them to understand what is most important to you and encourages them to focus future efforts on achieving similar outcomes.
Even if it is just following up on something for which you had previously given negative feedback, acknowledge that the specific problem was fixed to appropriate standards and what positive outcome it promotes, e.g., “This new layout is much cleaner, and the image really pops; the client is going to love it.”
Look in the Mirror
If you’re really stuck for how to give praise, ask yourself, if you had done that work, how would you want to be appreciated? Be the boss you wish you’d had, and offer the word of praise that would have been meaningful to you.
Don’t worry that offering praise will make it seem like you’re “going soft” or that people will slack off once they think you’re happy. On the contrary, for many people, praise is actually a motivator. Success begets success, and feelings of success beget more behaviors of success.
What’s critical to understand is that when people feel like they receive sufficient positive feedback, it makes them more open to hearing and accepting negative feedback from the same person. This is because they know that the boss is fair and clear, and that all feedback, whether positive or negative, is honest and comes from the heart.
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Do you have trouble giving feedback, whether positive or negative? Or do you have other questions or feedback about this issue? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!
The last person who had a stellar career without help from anyone whatsoever was … well … no one. So it makes no sense to lead as if the people around you never need help getting where they, and you, want them to go. In fact, just the opposite is true. If you want to create leaders who are Greater Than Yourself – and that should be your goal, by the way – then you need to express a deep belief in people, because none of us get very far without someone who believes in us more than we believe in ourselves.
If you struggle to believe in certain people, consider it your problem, not theirs. They were hired for a reason, so treat them like they deserve the job, address their skills gaps, and then lead them with an I-believe-in-you attitude that inspires their success. If you do this consistently over time, most people will succeed.
But how can you show people you believe in them? Glad you asked. Here are three ways:
Give Them Some Rope. Irnande Altema, who now is chief of staff for a state senator, recalls gravitating toward a supervisor early in her career because he saw her potential and gave her “several assignments so I could grow and develop.” That wasn’t always easy for Altema, but it probably wasn’t always easy for the supervisor, either.
When you believe in people, you push them out of their comfort zone even if it takes you out of yours. You give them responsibilities that stretch them, knowing that sometimes they will fail. Then you celebrate with them when they do well and support them when they struggle. And they may struggle. But if they know you believe in them, they seldom will lack for effort.
Serve Them Healthy Ego Biscuits. As a first-generation professional, Altema points out that she’s been prone to the “imposter syndrome” – the fear that you really aren’t good enough for the job you’ve been given. Her supervisor gave her regular reminders that she was “capable,” she said, but he also followed that by helping her create practical strategies to accomplish her goals. In other words, he didn’t just give her fluffy pastry compliments.
“He has more belief than I knew could exist, which makes me more diligent to not disappoint him or myself,” she said. “My confidence grows with each conversation and encouraging word he says to me. Now, I believe in me when others may not.”
Often, if we paint a portrait of who a person can become, that person will end up seeing himself or herself that way and begin to live that way. Darren Pierre said in elementary school he made low grades, was limited in his expression, and was growing up in a troubled home. Now he has a Ph.D., writes books, and gives talks frequently about the “power of speaking to a person’s potential.” Why did he make the change? Because a fourth-grade teacher believed in him and helped him see a different portrait for his life.
“What my teacher did was speak to who she knew me to be and not who I was showing up as,” Pierre said. “In doing so, she invited me and challenged me to do more, be more, and expect more of myself.”
Extend Grace but Speak the Truth. When Fred Winchar was a young manager, he recalls the power of belief expressed in one of his supervisors. Fred didn’t always handle his managerial authority well, but his supervisor never threw him under the bus.
“He ultimately would bear that responsibility to his higher ups, but he would also call me into his office and, without being a monster to me, make it very clear that my actions as a manager had a direct impact on both people and finances,” said Winchar, who now is president of Max Cash Title Loans. “He taught me how to pause. Think before I act. Take into consideration that each mistake could be an opportunity to learn. Take responsibility for my decisions. He was powerful yet not pretentious.”
If you spend much time reading or listening to self-help gurus, you’ll hear a lot about the importance of believing in yourself. And rightly so. But as an Extreme Leader, extending that belief to others is how you have the biggest impact.
Fearless Feedback: The White Flag®
In a previous blog I identified the three barriers preventing effective feedback namely confusion between feedback and criticism, the fear of making things worse, and not knowing how to deliver feedback to ensure it is positively accepted.
What if there was a way to provide feedback clearly and safely so it is welcomed? What if there was a tool to eliminate the fear for both the giver and receiver? That tool is called the White Flag®.
One of my very first clients was a very tall woman who often received complaints claiming she intimidated others. She did not have a “mean bone” in her. She had an assertive manner which could often be misinterpreted by others (harsh and intimidating).
Although I was able to share powerful techniques and she demonstrated a desire to change her communication she would sometimes fall back on bad habits. She would forget to make the changes and I couldn’t always be there to remind her to use the new techniques. I needed to find her help in the moment.
She had a few highly trusted and trusting employees who loved working with her. If I could somehow get them to help remind her when she fell back on bad habits perhaps it would help her make the changes we were all looking her to make.
I was watching the movie the Patriot starring Mel Gibson. His men had been captured by the British and he was on his way to negotiate with General Charles Cornwallis to release them. He was carrying a large white flag. He was safe from attack. He had information Cornwallis wanted to hear.
The white flag is an international sign of truce or ceasefire, and request for negotiation. It is also often associated with surrender, since it is often the weaker military party which requests negotiation. A white flag signifies to all that an approaching negotiator is unarmed, with intent to surrender or a desire to communicate. The American Red Cross has a similar symbol to protect neutral parties help the wounded in a war or a disaster.
If I could get the trusted employees to use the White Flag® in the moment they could help her make the desired changes. She had good intentions. She wanted good performance in her department. She was not using the right methods and needed help to remember.
The White Flag® tool is important to provide safety for both the giver and the receiver of feedback. The White Flag® is about learning and not about attacking. The White Flag® initiates a valuable discussion about process and method. It optimizes learning about method while minimizing or eliminating the possibility for criticism.
My client was able to hear the feedback from her trusted employees exactly when she needed it. She was able to make the changes needed to her method of communication. She stopped being threatening and intimidating.
How does the White Flag work? What is the technique? The next blog will clarify. Stay tuned.
Wally Hauck, PhD has a cure for the “deadly disease” known as the typical performance appraisal. Wally holds a doctorate in organizational leadership from Warren National University, a Master of Business Administration in finance from Iona College, and a bachelor’s degree in philosophy from the University of Pennsylvania. Wally is a Certified Speaking Professional or CSP. Wally has a passion for helping leaders let go of the old and embrace new thinking to improve leadership skills, employee engagement, and performance.
Have you been in environments where you felt you were not appreciated when talking with acquaintances that you’ve known for some time? In such cases, did you question to what degree your enhanced skills, knowledge, insights were not recognized, and thus your acquaintance saw you as possessing the same level of insight/knowledge as in prior years? After all, they know you as the person they’d interacted with 3, 5, 10, etc., years ago. They haven’t updated the new you that you’ve become.
As we go through life, our knowledge increases and thus we morph into a different person. To the degree someone who knew you from your past sees you in that past light, and not for the person that you’ve become, they see you as the person they’ve always known. Thus, in their eyes, you’re the same person.
When you find yourself in a position where you’re not appreciated for whatever advances you’ve made, you can do one of four things:
In any case, when you feel you’re not appreciated, understand the mindset you possess per why you feel unappreciated and to what degree there’s validity to your emotions. If you assess your feelings are valid, adopt an action and take control of your life.
Life is too short not to be appreciated. Thus, always seek environments in which your contributions are appreciated and you’ll flourish in such environments … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
The same thing is true in a negotiation as what’s stated above. If the opposing negotiator does not see value in you, your offer, or the value that you bring to the negotiation table, exit the negotiation. The more time you invest in a negotiation that you’re not appreciated, the greater the chance you’ll end up with a bad deal. So, be very aware of the degree you’re being appreciated during the negotiation. Therein will lie the degree of success you might achieve. Once you raise your awareness to such, you’ll gain more from all of your negotiations … and everything will be right with the world.
Remember, you’re always negotiating!
Questions form the foundation for the exchange of information in a negotiation. To the degree you ask better questions, you’ll achieve greater negotiation outcomes. The following are 7 questions you can ask that will make you a better negotiator, and enhance the probability of your negotiation outcomes.
This question can be used to draw attention to a point that you wish to highlight. It can also serve as a distraction away from a point that doesn’t serve you.
This question gets at the heart of what the other negotiator would like to see as a ‘best outcome’ situation, which gives you insight into his thought process.
Similar to question number 2, you’ll gain insight into the thought process of the other negotiator, which will give you a glimpse of how to negotiate with her. You’ll also get an idea of her priorities.
This serves as a way to probe deeper into the mindset of the opposing negotiator per what he fears the most about the outcome of the negotiation. Observe his body language. If he says he doesn’t have any concerns. Note if he sits back or leans forward as he’s speaking. If he leans forward, he’s more likely not to be concerned at that time. If he leans away, that could indicate he does have concerns, he might not want to share them with you at that time.
By getting his perspective, you gain a sense of how you might unravel the impasse. If you can adopt his suggestions, to the degree they serve you, you’ll be granting him the outcome he wants. That means he’ll buy into it. Remind him that you’re following his suggestions if he balks later.
First, be observant of your tone when posing this question. Your tonality might be perceived as the matter being trivial. If it possesses true value to her, you don’t want to give the impression that it’s not a big deal, especially if it is to you. By doing so, she could say, okay, then give it to me. That would leave you in a weakened position.
Be very cautious when asking this question. You don’t want to open the floodgates by allowing the other negotiator to ask for the moon and you not be able to grant the request. On the opposing side, once again, you get a sense of what it might take to make it better, which means you can choose to grant some or none of the requests.
As you can see, the questions you pose during a negotiation set the tone and pace of the negotiation. The questions above can be strategically used during a negotiation to direct or redirect the negotiation in a particular direction that serves your purpose. To do so, use the questions in the order that are best suited for your purpose based on when a particular question is needed. If you do this masterfully, you’ll leave the negotiation with more gains than you otherwise might have had … and everything will be right with the world.
Remember, you’re always negotiating!
Click here to watch the video Let Go of What You Know – 6 Steps to Meaningful Feedback
How many times have you received the same response when you have asked for feedback? You ask someone you think will tell you the truth, “How did I do?” and you hear “Good,” “Nice Job” or “That was great!” These responses are not feedback. Instead they’re telling you what they think you want to hear rather than the truth. In some instances, this person may be lying to you because they don’t have the confidence to tell you that you take too long to get to the point and it’s difficult to follow your message.
Avoid falling into the trap of fake feedback.
Honest feedback is tough to come by for two reasons. First, the higher you are in an organization, the less likely people are to give you truthful feedback about any topic, let alone your communication skills and level of influence.
Begin growing your influence today by applying these six steps to meaningful feedback Monday to Monday®.
