When the person you trusted the most proves untrustworthy, it not only shatters your trust in them, it shatters your trust in yourself as you think: “How did I not know?” “How did I not see?”If you’ve lost trust in the person you trusted the most, and you feel you can’t trust yourself or your judgment, it’s natural to then question your trust in everyone and everything.So think about it. The shattering of trust has such a far-reaching impact going way beyond how it impacts the relationship with the person who hurt you. It has a ripple effect where everyone and everything, including yourself, now comes into question.Before I go even further, the good news is you can heal from all of it and there’s even a proven, research-based way to do just that when you move through the 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough. First, I wanted you to see how it impacts your health, work and relationships.Your Health
There’s a collection of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms so common to betrayal, it’s known as Post Betrayal Syndrome.
People spend so much time, money, effort, and energy going to the most well-meaning doctors, coaches, healers, therapists––to manage a stress-related symptom, illness, condition, or disease. At the root of all that stress is often an unhealed betrayal.Here’s what an unhealed betrayal can look like with regards to your health.
You can have trouble sleeping, you’re exhausted and you could be using sugar or caffeine to help you stay awake. Your immune system is compromised, your adrenals have tanked, you could be having digestive issues, weight changes, brain fog, and more.
Your Work
You want to be a team player, but you’re so afraid. The person you trusted the most proved untrustworthy––how can you trust a boss or coworker?
Or
You want to ask for that raise or promotion, you deserve it––but your confidence was shattered in that betrayal. Instead, you don’t ask and you’re bitter and resentful, and that’s the energy that you’re bringing into work every day.
Your Relationships
You’re full of heartbreak, sadness, anxiety, and grief because you’ve been blindsided by an experience with betrayal. You have a hard time trusting other people and it’s affecting your day-to-day relationships. You may experience repeat betrayals (a clear sign of an unhealed betrayal). You can also put that big wall up which prevents anyone from getting near you and your heart again. Sure you’re keeping out the bad ones…but you’re keeping out the good ones too.
You can’t undo a betrayal, but you’re in control of how long it affects your relationships, your health, your work, and your life. The gift in betrayal is that it lays the foundation for transformation, that’s IF we’re willing to use the experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. IF you choose to rebuild your life and the aspects of yourself that were hard hit like rejection, abandonment, confidence, worthiness, belonging and trust.
Rebuilding is always a choice. You have the option to rebuild yourself and move on or (if the situation lends itself and if you’re willing), you can rebuild an entirely new relationship with the person who hurt you.
Trauma is the setup for transformation. It can be used as the catalyst and incentive to create a new version of yourself that never would have had the opportunity to show up had the experience not happen. That’s Post Betrayal Transformation and since you’ve been through the worst of it already, you owe it to yourself to do something good with something that caused so much pain.
It’s our first holiday season since joining the Conscious Parenting Revolution, and I’m nervous about how my extended family will react to our new parenting style.
We’ll be spending Christmas with a large group, and I’m concerned that other family members’ tendency toward authoritarian discipline will confuse my children or undo some of the work we’ve done with them.
The holidays are already stressful enough, and I’m just not sure how to navigate this additional challenge.
Sincerely,
Feeling Shy
Feeling Shy,
You certainly aren’t the first parent to express these concerns to me.
It’s easy to feel self-conscious around family during the holidays. Family gatherings can be exciting, over-stimulating—and, yes, stressful—for everyone. Feeling the watchful eyes of parents, in-laws, and extended family is sure to make even the most confident parents nervous.
Unfortunately, if a family member is close-minded about conscious parenting, there’s little you can do to change their mind. So it’s in your own best interest to accept that fact ahead of time.
But their judgment doesn’t mean you should feel ashamed of your parenting style. In fact, now is a great time to talk to your children about different parenting styles and why you parent them the way you do.
This conversation will help ensure that another family member’s disciplinary style doesn’t undo the work you’ve put in to consciously parent your children.
You can decide together how to respond to other family members. Perhaps you and your children can plan to regroup at the end of the day to discuss any incidents that occurred.
As for feeling uncomfortable parenting your child in front of others, I suggest that you avoid having an audience altogether if possible.
If your child acts out during your celebration, it’s in everyone’s best interest to talk about what happened in private.
Take them to a quiet room or outside (weather permitting) to have your conversation.
You can’t control the actions or opinions of others, but you can prepare yourself and your kids to respond appropriately.
No matter what you celebrate, having a lot of family coupled with excitement (and sometimes alcohol) can lead to a lot more drama than you bargained for. If you’re already dreading what the extra time and stress will do to your relationships, let me help you get ahead of it during my Holiday Parenting Hacks Workshop!
I know you’re already SO overwhelmed this month so I’ve made it only ONE HOUR a day, December 7-9 12pm PST on Zoom! Access the workshop from anywhere!
We live in an ever-changing world. Even in our small family units, change is constant: we get new jobs, move to different houses, shift from face-to-face learning to school-from-home, switch babysitters, have another child. Although change is a necessary part of life, it can be a stressful experience for children (and adults too!).
A daily routine helps create a safe and secure environment for your kids. Children thrive on structure, because it helps them anticipate and prepare for what’s going to happen next. A routine can give your kids something to count on in an increasingly unpredictable world—even if it’s just knowing that bathtime happens at 7 pm every night.
The consistency of a routine also helps children build healthy habits. Repetition reinforces habits, and good habits develop your child’s ability to self-regulate in a healthy way. As Pulitzer prize-winning reporter, Charles Duhigg, wrote in his book, The Power of Habit:
…”signing kids up for piano lessons or sports…has nothing to do with creating a good musician or a five-year-old soccer star. When you learn to force yourself to practice for an hour or run fifteen laps, you start building self-regulatory strength. A five-year-old who can follow the ball for ten minutes becomes a sixth grader who can start his homework on time.”
Want to know more about the power of routine? Here are five benefits your child gets from following a daily schedule:
Strong circadian rhythm. Our body clocks are wired to wake up when there’s sunlight and go to sleep when it’s dark. Determine set times for getting up, eating, bathing, studying, playing, and relaxing. Explain to your child that in order to maintain a healthy body, we need to give it the structure that it needs.
Healthy self-direction. It’s important for parents and caregivers to include their children in creating a routine at home. It helps them practice independence and self-direction, as well as allows them to express what’s important to them. Does your child feel like they simply must go on a bike ride everyday? Find a way to pencil that into your schedule.
Quality time with family. Making room for time to eat together, play together, and rest together gives your whole family an opportunity to bond. Having stable and happy family relationships during childhood will help your kids learn to develop and cultivate stable and happy relationships as adults.
The ability to plan ahead. A routine not only allows us to anticipate pleasant future events (i.e. an afternoon swim or weekend movie nights), but it also gives us the discipline to plan ahead. Self-regulation is so important—it develops your child’s ability to submit homework on time in childhood and meet work deadlines in adulthood.
The propensity to cope with stress. Charles Duhigg also says that sooner or later, our habits become auto-pilot responses. We do them without thinking. As kids grow older, it’s crucial that they learn how to cope with stressful situations and difficult transitions. If your child knows that no matter what happens, they have their routine and habits to fall back on—they’ll feel healthy, safe, and secure.
Robert V. Joseph’s book ‘Words From The Spirit’ recently soared on to the bestseller list. This award winning books message of personal development, spiritual connection, and the power to manifest dreams into reality in order to create success clearly resonated with both readers and reviewers.
This phenomenal read includes a series of messages which can help readers find their way on their journey of personal development, as well as help them find a greater spiritual connection. Robert V. Joseph used the messages in this book to change his own life, and help him make his dreams a reality. With ‘Words From The Spirit’ he wants to help others discover the force of their spiritual energy, and become empowered in their lives.
Robert V. Joseph is not only a talented writer, but a successful speaker, carrying his message in venues across the United States. Recently he took some time out of his busy schedule to talk to us about his book, and what’s next.
‘Words From The Spirit’ is based on the spiritual messages you received while living in NYC. What was it like for you when you started getting these messages? How did they change your life?
For a period of approximately a year, these messages were coming to me from a spiritual place at random moments in various places. Some messages would come to me while I was at work, some messages would come to me while I was sitting in a coffee house, some messages would come to me while I was riding on a subway train, etc. It was interesting to live in New York City at this time because NYC has an energy like no other place I know. And, this energy provided me with powerful stimulus for thought. So, as this was happening, I made sure that I had something to write with and something to write on at all times. After about a year of this process, I had a large collection of notes with these messages. How did they change my life? It was clear to me that God shared these messages with me to help me to improve myself and my life in various ways. However, before I could share the words of these messages with anyone else, I had to make sure that I was walking the walk and not just talking the talk. It was not enough for me to write these words and speak these words. I had to live these words as well.
‘Words From The Spirit’ gives readers a new way to look at the world. It’s one thing to have a spiritual awakening and another one to write about it. What made you want to put your story down on paper?
In my belief system, God is the source of all of the messages in this book. It was simply my hand that was chosen to put the pen to the paper and share these messages in the form of a book. I don’t consider ‘Words From The Spirit’ to be a book that tells my story. It’s a collection of original messages that are universal in nature. And, every reader of the book is empowered to claim any or all of these messages and apply them to her or his own life. While the book certainly shares my beliefs with respect to spiritual connection and personal development, it does not really share my story. I think it is true to say that there was a spiritual awakening within me as I received the messages that God intended for this book. And, along with this spiritual awakening came a sense of purpose that compelled me to write down each of these messages, assemble them into a manuscript, edit them, publish them, and make it possible for other people to have a similar spiritual awakening.
These days, people have a lot on their minds and a lot of stress. If they want to jump-start their connection with spirituality, what can they do now to get started?
Connection with spirituality requires us to first acknowledge that it exists and then become aware of the ways that spirituality functions and manifests in our lives. I don’t believe that connection with spirituality is something we can jump-start because spirituality is a part of us from the origin of life. I believe that many people have an awareness of spirituality on a subconscious level but not on a conscious level. And, the key to connection with spirituality is to become as conscious as possible of the ways in which spirituality functions and manifests in life. Some examples of ways that spirituality functions and manifests in a person’s life include prayer to a Higher Power, meditation, spiritual messages from conversations with other people, faith practice or religion, spiritual messages from books, spiritual messages from songs, and experiences in the natural world. A way for a person to take some level of control of this process is to establish a daily routine to facilitate spiritual connection on a conscious level. For example, I facilitate this kind of spiritual connection on a daily basis with a routine that I refer to as my “Spiritual Connection Session” which includes a combination of prayer, affirmations, incantations, and specific images for active visualization.
I’ve heard that you are working on another book, which is very exciting. Can you tell our readers a bit about it?
Yes, I am working on my next book at the present time. This book places emphasis on personal development, and in particular, the various forms of personal power that are available to all of us. In addition to in-depth discussion on the concepts and principles of personal power, this book will provide instruction on how to apply these concepts and principles in daily life in order to have success with the process of self-improvement and the accomplishment of life goals. This book will also include a number of inspirational stories which help to illustrate these forms of personal power in the context of real-life human experience. And, in case anyone might be wondering, I plan to share a few stories from my personal life experience as well. So, this book is where readers will be able to learn about my story.
Let’s change things up a bit and have some fun. What is one of your favorite wineries in California to go to when you are looking to relax?
The Robert Mondavi Winery in the Napa Valley of California. It has a long-standing tradition of excellence and a relaxing atmosphere with some of the most scenic vineyards in California. And, of course, it has great wine!
To find out more about Robert V. Joseph and his book ‘Words From The Spirit’ head over to Amazon.
Let’s face it, for some people, the holidays can be filled with stress and pain. While some people are making memories with loved ones, others are reminded of those no longer in their lives. Maybe there was a recent loss of a beloved family member. Maybe there was a divorce, breakup, or betrayal that rocked you to your core. If you’re moving through any of these experiences, holidays hold a different meaning and while creating new positive associations may be something to work towards, this season, you may just want to take a holiday from the Holidays.
If you noticed a pattern of getting stressed and depressed around the Holiday Season, you can consciously change that pattern now. It first starts with awareness, realizing something like: I am aware of any thoughts that come up that may trigger negative emotional patterns.
Awareness: Maybe you notice that holiday music can trigger old memories that bring you down. Notice this impacts you then check into your heart, comfort yourself, and remind yourself that old beliefs that hurt you need your care and attention.
New Rules: As you start holiday shopping, do it from a new perspective. Make sure that you have plenty of time to get the shopping done so you don’t feel rushed. Maybe decide to shop online to reduce stress and mailing costs. Maybe decide you’re giving the gift of your presence instead of your presents this year.
Whatever it takes to make your holiday season go smoothly, be willing to make the adjustments.
Traditions: Look at what traditions you want to keep and which ones fail to serve you. With the world as it is today, consider letting go of old, worn-out traditions that create stress and adjust to the new reality.
Self-Care: Look at what you can do differently to take a holiday from the Holidays. Maybe treat yourself to a massage or a facial, support your body with extra nutrients, or get a pedicure or have an entire Spa Day.
Letting Go: Reduce the stress by letting go of any tasks that are unnecessary. Maybe reduce your holiday baking. Let go of excess card writing. Let go of trying to be everything to everyone. Learn how to say “no” in order to preserve your time, well-being, and sanity.
Set some boundaries. Set some boundaries around spending. Create boundaries around what topics are off-limits, and how much you’ll be indulging in holiday food and festivities.
Today, regardless of what it takes, you may choose to take a holiday from the Holidays. Instead, creating enjoyable, stress-free traditions can be your plan for this year.
Here in the United States, we’re a week away from one of our oldest holiday traditions: Thanksgiving. Whether or not you celebrate Thanksgiving where you’re located, it’s a good opportunity to show some gratitude for all that we have: our homes, our families, our health.
As a parent, I know you’re incredibly thankful for the gift that is your child. But sometimes we can be grateful for our kids and yet, in the same breath, wish they were different.
If only my kid were as well-behaved as my neighbor’s.
I wish my son got into an Ivy League school.
Why can’t my daughter be more friendly?
Parents find it hard to accept their kids for who they are. When a child exercises their autonomy, the parent often responds by telling them they’re rude, bad, spoiled, or unappreciative. We don’t stop to wonder:
What makes my kid more outspoken than the neighbor’s child?
What else interests my son besides schoolwork?
What social situations make my daughter feel most comfortable?
Why do we freak out in the moment when our kids say “no” instead of wondering what they’re saying “yes” to?
Your child may be your progeny, but they aren’t your clone. At most, they only share half your DNA, and they have a unique combination of experiences and emotions that are separate and apart from yours. All too often, parents treat their children as though they should be dolls: obedient, orderly, and passive. Those attitudes are often subconscious and stem from what we learned during our own childhoods.
But the cycle is not inevitable. When you engage with your child and get curious about what they’re saying “yes” to, you open the lines of communication and start to connect with them at heart-level, as human beings. And when we truly connect, that’s when we realize that our kids aren’t being self-centered or defiant—they’re just being themselves.
Our kids aren’t being self-centered or defiant—they’re just being themselves.
The truth is, our kids don’t exist to obey us, comply to our rules, or make us happy. Each child is their own unique individual, with their own personality, opinions, and set of likes and dislikes.
So this Thanksgiving, eat a slice of humble pie, and accept that it’s not “your way or the high way” when it comes to parenting. As healthy, conscious parents (or caregivers!), it’s our duty to nurture our kids’ autonomy and uniqueness. That’s how we help them grow to be self-sufficient adults.
We need to recognize this responsibility, take it to heart, and be grateful that our children are just the way they are. Teaching kids to be considerate of their own needs and the needs of others trumps training kids to be obedient and compliant every time.
Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for you, and happy that we’re on this journey together.
Parenting a teenager evokes a powerful combination of conflicting emotions: pride and worry, joy and frustration. Indeed, this phase of life can be just as challenging for parents as it is for their kids!
The parent-child relationship fundamentally changes as your children turn into young adults. While this transformation is rewarding to witness, it also forces you to adapt your parenting style so that you’re less of a manager and more of a trusted consultant.
The Individuation Process
Many parents fear that they’ll lose their connection to their children as they navigate the rocky teen years. Teenangers are often written off as having difficult attitudes and wanting nothing to do with their parents, but these clichés don’t tell the whole story.
What’s really happening is that teens are going through the process of individuation and forming their own independent identities.
Individuation can be distressing for parents, as it manifests in ways that aren’t always pleasant. Your teen may become self-absorbed or defensive, and they’ll likely want to spend less time with you than they used to.
Although these changes are perfectly normal, the process can be confusing, hurtful and even a little scary for even the most understanding parent. But creating a safe space for your child’s individuation process is crucial to maintaining a happy and healthy parenting relationship.
Evolving Your Parenting Style from Managerial to Consulting
While it might seem like your child is pushing you away, the truth is that they still need you during this turbulent phase of their life! Teens are faced with high-stakes decisions every day, from navigating peer pressure and romantic relationships to choosing their path post-graduation.
They need someone they trust to guide them through these decisions. That someone can be you. But here’s the catch-22: the more you try to manage their obstacles or insert yourself into their decision-making process, the more your teen will turn away. They need to feel independent and autonomous—and if you ignore that need, you’ll push them in the wrong direction.
So, how should your behavior evolve to best support your teen? Here are a few suggestions:
Make your home a judgment-free zone. Kids absorb cues that you may not even realize you’re giving. Have you inadvertently conveyed that you view failing a test as a sign of weakness? Your teen will be less likely to approach you for help if they do poorly on an exam. Be mindful of how you express your feelings and opinions so that you don’t shut down conversations before they begin.
Spend quality time together. Simple activities like running errands or eating dinner together create space for open communication between you and your kid. The more you can be available without them having to seek you out, the more chances they’ll have to open up to you.
Respect boundaries. As important as it is to be available for your teen, don’t take it personally when they aren’t interested in talking. Respect their space by not prying or forcing them into a conversation. What they may need most is peace and quiet, and honoring that could help them more than you realize.
Reinforce your support. We all need to be reminded that the people who love us want to be there for us. Teenagers are no exception. Every now and then, remind your kid that you’re a safe person for them to go to if they need to talk or want guidance.
Ultimately, you want to create an environment where your teen will come to you. Take the initiative in adjusting your own behavior to build their trust in you as a reliable confidante.
Evolving your parenting role from manager to consultant is a form of letting go. You give your child more autonomy to be their authentic self, and you give up some of your own control in the process.
It’s no small feat, and wherever you are in that process, I applaud you.
Love and Blessings,
Katherine
P.S. If you need support as you navigate your child’s individuation process, join the revolution in our Facebook group! You can meet and talk to other parents who are going through a similar transition.
The old line from ABC’s Wide World of Sports perfectly sums up Americans’ obsession with sports. They are fanatics and will hang with their team from the best of times to the worst of times.
Professional sports fans can’t get enough of their favorite teams, or athletes, with licensed merchandise and other paraphernalia, which adds up to billions in sales.
One collectible that’s seemed to stand the test of time is sports cards. These are not the same cards that came with the chalky pink gum, or you used to stick in your bicycle spokes. Today’s sports cards are big business and even get traded on the blockchain. In fact, they are currently a $5.4 billion industry!
Sports cards became such a hot commodity during the peak of the pandemic that Target pulled new shipments off their shelves because people were fighting over boxes of new cards.
While cards are back on the shelf at Target, Jason Howarth, Vice President of Marketing for Panini America, says the thrill of the hunt and the uncertainty are big reasons customers are collecting.
“What happens when you’re opening up a product is that idea that you don’t know what’s inside the box. You open up that product and happen to hit that card. You know that you have a big one,” Jason said. “That’s the value that we bring to the collector and that when you collect our cards, you’re collecting them for enjoyment and entertainment. You may also be able to collect them for value and investment long term.”
Cards as Content
Panini has its roots in content, just not sports card content. The company began as a newspaper distributor in Italy back in the 1960s. In 1970, it started printing stickers for the World Cup, creating an international craze and the beginnings of a big business. Today, Panini prints sports cards and other licensed collectibles sold around the world.
While you may think of sports cards as a hobby, but Jason told me you should also see them as content.
“Every year, there’s a fresh group of players that come in,” Jason said. “You’re telling and building off of their stories. But, I think the thing that’s most powerful for us is that our product is the player. So, as the player performs on the field, we have an opportunity to tell that story with every player that kind of steps in and does something different and special.”
Panini America is doing more than telling stories by printing glossy cards. They have more than 2,000 athletes each year signing special edition cards. The company adds even more value by printing cards with pieces of the player’s jerseys, NASCAR racing items, and parts from arenas where big sports moments happen. Jason says these cards aren’t just notable for collectors and fans. The athletes get a kick out of them, too.
“It’s funny. It doesn’t matter how special that player is. Whether they’re a superstar or not. That first time you get a card in your hand, and it’s your card, it’s like a moment of validation,” Jason explains. “You grow up as a kid wanting to play pro sports. You want to hear your name called by your favorite team when you’re drafted. You want to hear your name called for the game-winning shot. The other side of that is seeing your first trading card. And every year that happens with every rookie class, and the designs now are so special that even those superstars, when they look at cards, they stop and take a look before they sign them, and they’re like ‘wow, this is incredible. Can I keep this?'”
Bye, Bye Bubble Gum. Hello Blockchain.
There have been many headlines about NFT’s (non-fungible tokens), digital collectibles that could be a picture, video highlights made in a limited run tracked by the blockchain. Sport NFTs are a current collectible craze, and Panini is on top of it. Jason says Panini started going digital in 2014 when it released an app for football and basketball cards. The company started digging into binging its product to the blockchain in 2018. Then in early 2020, Panini launched a blockchain platform on its website. Before that happened, work went on behind the scenes, including marrying the new product to the core business.
“The first thing we wanted to do is make sure that we sold our product and U.S. dollars only. So, (collectors) didn’t have to figure out how do you go get a crypto wallet. We wanted to take that volatility and that part of the process, out of it,” Jason said. “The second step for us, was tying it to a physical card, so that, in addition to getting the NFT blockchain asset, the digital asset, you also got a physical card that was associated with it. Because collectors understood the value of the physical card, they knew what the value of an autograph Kobe Bryant card was. They didn’t know what the value of an autograph digital version of that card would be.”
Offering NFTs also made the buying experience instant. Starting this NFL season, Panini started offering NFTs on Monday based on the previous Sunday’s players’ performances.
Scarcity as Value
Whether it is a physical card or NFTs, the sports card business is built on scarcity. Therefore, the most valuable cards sold attract attention because they are rare.
“The DNA of a trading card is scarcity. That’s what drives the value. We need to make sure that we’re always maintaining a level of scarcity in the marketplace. To make sure that we’re propelling those markets and make sure that there’s long term value in the card,” Jason said. “We’re so laser-focused on building our product, making sure that we’re maintaining the long-term value of the products that all the other stuff will, continue to just feed off of what we’re doing in the marketplace.”
Scarcity of valuable cards, but no shortage of related content. If you want to stand out in today’s digital economy, you’re going to need content to stand out and attract traffic.
Take your signature product and build content around it (just like Panini America). Be your own sports superstar and take your performance on the field and turn it into off-field gold.
Learn how to compete in the content marketplace by downloading The Network, an e-book from C-Suite Network’s Chief Marketing Officer, Tyler Hayzlett.
Hello, Conscious Parent! This post is the first installment of “Dear Katherine,” a letter written in response to a real-life question from an anonymous parent/caregiver. If you’d like to submit a question of your own, email me at katherine@consciousparentingrevolution.com.
My teenage son had a massive falling out with my husband, his stepfather. My husband was triggered by my son’s actions, and the whole thing escalated into a fever pitch. Now my son refuses to talk to his stepfather, and my husband refuses to apologize. What do I do? How can I help repair the damage and find a way to move forward?
– Caught in Between
Dear Caught in Between,
It sounds like there’s more than one culprit in this story. Your husband was triggered by something your son said, and he escalated events by reacting to his stepfather’s heightened emotions. So both of them seem to have felt attacked, and both of them were also the attacker.
The first step to healing any wounded relationship is to apologize. But your child shouldn’t be the only one expected to say sorry—your husband has to do so, too.
One of the most common and long-held beliefs I’ve come across in my career as a parenting coach is that adults should never have to apologize to children. This belief assumes that adults are perfect (which we all know we’re not) and never to blame for a household argument.
But refusing to admit wrongdoing tells your kid that they’re not important enough to receive an apology, that perhaps their feelings are insignificant. Children are humans too! And as their caregivers, it’s our responsibility to recognize when we’ve hurt them and to make things right.
You are caught in Between. First, you must explain to both your son and your husband that they both have to apologize. I know you weren’t a part of this mess, to begin with, but you do have the ability to facilitate and lead your family members to reconciliation.
Find some time to talk with your husband about the Guidance Approach to Parenting, a method founded on principles of compassion and empathetic listening instead of obedience and compliance. Tell him how it’s helped you have a better relationship with your son.
Talk to your son. Tell him that his stepfather is a product of generations worth of traditional parenting hard-wiring, and that kind of conditioning can be hard to break. Explain to him that as his mother, you’re trying your best to change old patterns, but it’s a work in progress, and nobody’s perfect.
At the end of the day, Caught in Between, connection is more important than being right. Nobody is right or wrong. Apologizing is about admitting that your actions hurt another person so that you can find a way to balm the hurt and move on as a family.
Love and Blessings,
Katherine
P.S. For more tips on how to handle discord in the family, listen to my interview “How to Resolve Family Conflicts” with Mindful Mama podcast host, Hunter Clarke-Fields.
Halloween is an important night for kids of all ages.
It’s a wonderful social opportunity combined with the chance to exercise their creativity.
And of course, let’s not forget about all that candy.
But like many holidays and major events, the excitement of Halloween can also increase conflict between parents and children. And fighting with your kid is a surefire way to derail the spooky fun of All Hallow’s Eve.
Here are three scary conflicts you may face this Halloween, and some parenting tips to help you avoid them.
Candy, Costumes and Curfews:
Three Conflicts to Avoid
this Halloween
1. Candy
If you have younger children, you’re probably used to doing the same song and dance about their Halloween candy every year. They want to eat all that candy the minute they get home, but you know that will result in a stomachache.
And if the candy makes it through the night, they’ll want it for all three meals the next day!
Are you just going to throw your hands up in frustration and accept the cavities and belly aches in your future? You don’t have to.
Avoid the conflict altogether by talking to your kids before Halloween night about the smartest way to enjoy their candy.
Explain why you suggest saving some candy so that they can enjoy it for a longer period of time. Without laying it on too thick, let them know that eating too much candy might make them feel sick.
Then, work with your child to create a candy-consumption schedule together. It’s important that your child feels included in this process so that they won’t feel like something important to them is totally out of their control.
2. Costumes
Halloween costumes can be such a headache for parents. When kids are little, they may not like the costume you choose for them, or they may change their mind at the last minute. Teenagers, on the other hand, might want to venture out of the house in something you find inappropriate.
How do you navigate these minefields without causing a blowup?
With younger children, you may have to bite the bullet and accept that their whiplash tastes are out of your control. Before buying a costume, encourage your child to help make or pick out part of the costume to fulfill their desire for autonomy.
But if in the eleventh hour they still throw a tantrum because they don’t like their costume, your best bet might be to go along with it. You may get some memorable photos out of whatever they come up with!
If you have a teenager, open the dialogue about what constitutes an inappropriate costume and why. Approach them as if you’re picking their brain and offering your opinion. You’ll make the most headway if your teen feels heard and understood, rather than controlled. Show them that they have a say in the decision you come to together.
3. Curfew
For parents of teenagers, curfew can be a major point of contention on special occasions. You want to be an understanding parent raising an independent kid, but you also want them to stay safe. Especially on Halloween, a night that’s associated with mischief and other potential dangers.
The best course of action to avoid a conflict is to compromise. If it’s important to your kid, let them stay out a few hours later than normal, provided they are willing to check in with you at the top of the hour or let you pick them up from wherever they are.
This type of agreement will help build trust between you and your teen.
Halloween is such a special night—not to mention a source of positive memories for the whole family. It’s a great opportunity to show your kids what a supportive parent you are. Don’t let the small stuff get in the way!
Love and Blessings,
Katherine
P.S. If you want to see how other parents navigate special occasions with their kids, join the growing community inside our private Facebook group!
