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Category: Management

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Growth Management Personal Development

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear

We’ve all heard the expression “don’t believe everything you hear”? This is not just relevant to what other people say; what about all the inner talk you have going on inside your head?

We all have inner voices and all too often they are not voices of support. There are actually four inner voices that you have, which can hold you back from reaching your goals if you are listening to them. The key is to learn to recognize each voice; so you can stop believing everything you hear.

Plus, if you have these voices in your head, the chances are good that those you work with do also. An important leadership skill is being able to recognize when other people are listening to their inner voices, so you can help them combat these thought patterns that are keeping them from reaching their goals.

Let’s take a look at each.

The Doubting Tom

This is the voice that doubts you are capable of doing something. Here we are talking about things that others are capable of doing, but the doubting tom tells you that you are not capable of doing it. Others refer to these thoughts as limiting beliefs. The doubting Tom says I could never speak on stage, I can’t write a book, I can’t talk to him or her, I can’t speak up in the meeting, I can’t share that idea, I can’t start my own business, etc.

You get the point; the Doubting Tom doubts or is skeptical that what you say you want to do is possible for you. If the voice is getting personal like you are not good enough or smart enough that is actually your inner critic, which we will talk about shortly.

The Storyteller

We all know someone who tells a great story; some of those stories are true and fascinating while others are made from great fiction. When the storyteller voice in your head starts talking, he or she is telling you a fictional story about a situation. “Sally does not like me because she doesn’t smile at me when I always see her smiling at Sam.” The storyteller is telling a story without having the facts.

My favorite example was when my inner storyteller told me that an organization I was doing business with didn’t take my email concern seriously because they had not responded. Granted the storyteller was telling that story within hours of sending the email. The truth was the person I sent the email to was actually working on it and had just not let me know yet. Other reasons could have been the person was out of the office, they were engaged on an important project, or any number of other situations, but my storyteller decided to tell a story that got me all worked up for no reason because this is what the storyteller does best.

The Cynic

This is the voice that says “that will never work” and it’s usually because you have tried something similar before and it did not work last time. The cynic says, “Remember, last time that did not work so why would you try it again?” The cynic uses the past to determine if something is a good idea now and will find reasons why it’s not a good idea.

Of course learning from the past is extremely important and looking at why something did not work before and seeing how you can do it differently this time is smart. But letting the cynic stop you from even considering an idea because something similar did not work last time is a sure-fire way to miss out on great ideas that can help you achieve great results.

The Inner Critic

As I alluded to when talking about the Doubting Tom, there are times that the voice is incident specific and says, “you can’t do that (fill in the blank)”; this is the Doubting Tom holding you back from even trying. However when the voice get’s more personal and starts to attack the essence of who you are by saying “you’re not good enough”, “you’re not smart enough”, “it’s not perfect enough for anyone to see”, etc. that is your Inner Critic. That is the voice that has the strongest hold on you and the one that can be the most paralyzing and devastating to your success.

And while the Inner Critic means well, at least that is what it is telling you, it does not have your best interest at heart. The Inner Critic thinks that it is protecting you from getting hurt, but what it is really doing is stopping you from getting to the next level of your success and growth.

Now you know what these voices sound like and how they are sabotaging you; next week we will dive into the strategies to overcome them, or as my friend Jeffrey Hayzlett said when I interviewed him on C-Suite Success Radio, to “stop inviting them to dinner.”

For more resources, articles, videos, and to listen to C-Suite Success Radio visit www.c-suiteresults.com and for comments or questions email sharon@c-suiteresults.com

 

Categories
Growth Management Personal Development

Don’t Fall For It

Last week I wrote about how two companies had to deal with small-scale groups of people who speak out.  The first example the business caved to the few and the second business closed its doors. You can read the article, “Your Company May Be Next” here. In both cases, the organizations stepped away from their business model and gave in to those who speak the loudest.

That reminded me of what happened to Chick Fil A a few years ago but with a different ending. S. Truett Cathy, the owner, decided he didn’t want to be open on Sundays so he could give his employees a day of rest. For years the owner was criticized and even pressured to stay open on Sundays. As busy as this one day of the week is for restaurants the loss of business would not outweigh his position. Years later his business is still up and thriving.

Since his dad’s passing Dan Cathy oversees the company. Cathy endorsed the biblical definition of marriage is between a man and a woman. Those who support same-sex marriage called for a boycott of the restaurant on August 1, 2012. They wanted to show how wrong the owner was. On the day of the boycott, the restaurant was packed. I bet it was and probably still is the busiest day Chick Fil A ever had. People poured out in masses where lines extended outside the restaurant. There were extensive delays in getting their food yet people stayed to show support for the owner.

To counter for the backfired plan supporters of same-sex marriage told everyone to gather the next week outside Chick Fil A’s nationwide. On that day only a handful of people showed up. This is a perfect example of a few people speaking out loudly to get their way.

The overwhelming majority does not sound off. There’s no need to. Yet when a minuscule amount of people wail, they get their way. You let them determine how to run your businesses. That’s ridiculous. You need to stay on your beliefs and not be bullied to do something you don’t want to do. When a 3-year-old throws a tantrum you need to ignore it so they will learn that type of behavior does not work. It can be painful for a bit, nevertheless, you know that training the child has to be done. Whatever the issue, it’s time you show these unruly children that this type of behavior is not allowed.

You have a vision for your business. You’ve done the work, created a plan for your company, acquired the funding, and set the goals. No one should be able to shake you from that objective.

You have the right to your opinions and have the freedom to share those views. You don’t have the right to force others to change to your beliefs. That being said, your company is yours. You can’t please everyone, but then again everyone is not your target customer.

Categories
Growth Human Resources Management Skills

Fearless Feedback: The White Flag

Fearless Feedback: The White Flag®

In a previous blog I identified the three barriers preventing effective feedback namely confusion between feedback and criticism, the fear of making things worse, and not knowing how to deliver feedback to ensure it is positively accepted.

What if there was a way to provide feedback clearly and safely so it is welcomed?  What if there was a tool to eliminate the fear for both the giver and receiver?  That tool is called the White Flag®.

One of my very first clients was a very tall woman who often received complaints claiming she intimidated others.  She did not have a “mean bone” in her.  She had an assertive manner which could often be misinterpreted by others (harsh and intimidating).

Although I was able to share powerful techniques and she demonstrated a desire to change her communication she would sometimes fall back on bad habits.  She would forget to make the changes and I couldn’t always be there to remind her to use the new techniques.    I needed to find her help in the moment.

She had a few highly trusted and trusting employees who loved working with her.  If I could somehow get them to help remind her when she fell back on bad habits perhaps it would help her make the changes we were all looking her to make.

I was watching the movie the Patriot starring Mel Gibson.  His men had been captured by the British and he was on his way to negotiate with General Charles Cornwallis to release them.  He was carrying a large white flag.  He was safe from attack.  He had information Cornwallis wanted to hear.

The white flag is an international sign of truce or ceasefire, and request for negotiation. It is also often associated with surrender, since it is often the weaker military party which requests negotiation. A white flag signifies to all that an approaching negotiator is unarmed, with intent to surrender or a desire to communicate.  The American Red Cross has a similar symbol to protect neutral parties help the wounded in a war or a disaster.

If I could get the trusted employees to use the White Flag® in the moment they could help her make the desired changes.  She had good intentions.  She wanted good performance in her department.  She was not using the right methods and needed help to remember.

The White Flag® tool is important to provide safety for both the giver and the receiver of feedback.  The White Flag® is about learning and not about attacking.  The White Flag® initiates a valuable discussion about process and method.  It optimizes learning about method while minimizing or eliminating the possibility for criticism.

My client was able to hear the feedback from her trusted employees exactly when she needed it.  She was able to make the changes needed to her method of communication. She stopped being threatening and intimidating.

How does the White Flag work?  What is the technique?  The next blog will clarify. Stay tuned.

Wally Hauck, PhD has a cure for the “deadly disease” known as the typical performance appraisal.  Wally holds a doctorate in organizational leadership from Warren National University, a Master of Business Administration in finance from Iona College, and a bachelor’s degree in philosophy from the University of Pennsylvania.   Wally is a Certified Speaking Professional or CSP.  Wally has a passion for helping leaders let go of the old and embrace new thinking to improve leadership skills, employee engagement, and performance.

 

Categories
Management Marketing Operations Skills Women In Business

They Don’t Appreciate Me

Have you been in environments where you felt you were not appreciated when talking with acquaintances that you’ve known for some time? In such cases, did you question to what degree your enhanced skills, knowledge, insights were not recognized, and thus your acquaintance saw you as possessing the same level of insight/knowledge as in prior years? After all, they know you as the person they’d interacted with 3, 5, 10, etc., years ago. They haven’t updated the new you that you’ve become.

As we go through life, our knowledge increases and thus we morph into a different person. To the degree someone who knew you from your past sees you in that past light, and not for the person that you’ve become, they see you as the person they’ve always known. Thus, in their eyes, you’re the same person.

When you find yourself in a position where you’re not appreciated for whatever advances you’ve made, you can do one of four things:

  1. Stay in the environment and attempt to change it
  2. Leave the environment immediately and move on to greener pastures
  3. Destroy the current environment and remake it to serve your needs
  4. Stay in the environment, not let it impact you and wait for the right opportunity to leave/escape it

In any case, when you feel you’re not appreciated, understand the mindset you possess per why you feel unappreciated and to what degree there’s validity to your emotions. If you assess your feelings are valid, adopt an action and take control of your life.

Life is too short not to be appreciated. Thus, always seek environments in which your contributions are appreciated and you’ll flourish in such environments … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

The same thing is true in a negotiation as what’s stated above. If the opposing negotiator does not see value in you, your offer, or the value that you bring to the negotiation table, exit the negotiation. The more time you invest in a negotiation that you’re not appreciated, the greater the chance you’ll end up with a bad deal. So, be very aware of the degree you’re being appreciated during the negotiation. Therein will lie the degree of success you might achieve. Once you raise your awareness to such, you’ll gain more from all of your negotiations … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

 

 

 

 

Categories
Growth Management Personal Development

5 Principles All Great CEOs Stand By

CEOs are constantly concerned with differentiating their business, how they are perceived in the market and profitability, to name but a few areas paramount to running a successful business. I find in my work as a coach and specialist in brand personality, that very often some obvious factors are missing if the potential in these areas is to be anywhere near maximized.

Let’s work on the premise that people buy people – I think we’re all pretty agreed on that one – but let’s look at just why that is so true. Trust is perhaps the number one element that consumers, clients, new talent and partner companies look for when they choose a company to be associated with or buy from. Trust does not come from written words in clever advertising statements or marketing collateral. It simply comes from the feeling that I get when I deal with the people in your company.

That experience is dependent on how the employee or of course you as a senior leader is feeling and how you interact with that stakeholder. The emotion created becomes (in the eyes of the stakeholder) the brand not just of you but the company.

To be successful in our current competitive market, a CEO must be more than an image on the website or an occasional speaker on the internal stage. Today’s CEO accounts for more than 50% of the company’s reputation so this element of your corporate brand cannot be left to chance.

Here, I am sharing the five traits I believe every successful company leader should display if they are to embrace the need to create solid brand personality and lead from the top and be truly engaged with their teams and clients.

  • A willingness to learn and listen. Having the ability and willingness to learn new techniques, receive coaching, listen to others opinions and develop their own emotional & social intelligence and communication skills, and not just rely on past experiences for decision making, makes a CEO more adaptable with new fresh ideas to new challenges and situations.

 

  • Openness and transparency. Vital ingredients for effective leadership – if your people don’t know where they are going and why, they will never follow and support you to the level required for creating a trusted environment and culture. Being approachable in the office and having set ‘open house” times can have very positive effects as an example.

 

  • A true appreciation of what’s required for high employee engagement. If a CEO really cares about what his people need to be happy at work and valued in their roles, a culture of trust and respect is supported from the top down. Providing employees with the training to be confident in themselves and feel truly empowered to do the right thing in a safe environment is paramount to creating a respectful culture.

 

  • A high level of visibility to clients and consumers – CEOs who engage with all their stakeholders by getting outside their office, presenting at external events, active on social media, media interviews wherever appropriate and possible, create a higher degree of authentic personality in the brand that so many consumers demand today. We feel that we know much more about the company if we can see into the heart of the CEO.

 

  • Solid relationship building skills. The ability to build trusted, solid relationships is one of the most valuable skills a CEO can possess or continually develop. Being talked about as a CEO who is truly interested in others, respects their input, is prepared to support their ideas and promote them to others and make people feel valued, who always does what they say they will do, are just some of the ways of creating a solid CEO brand that gets talked about and subsequently creates a personality to the corporate brand that truly differentiates.

 

 

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Economics Human Resources Industries Investing Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

7 Questions You Can Ask That Will Make You a Better Negotiator

Questions form the foundation for the exchange of information in a negotiation. To the degree you ask better questions, you’ll achieve greater negotiation outcomes. The following are 7 questions you can ask that will make you a better negotiator, and enhance the probability of your negotiation outcomes.

  1. Did you hear what you just said?

This question can be used to draw attention to a point that you wish to highlight. It can also serve as a distraction away from a point that doesn’t serve you.

  1. What’s the best outcome you’d like to see us reach?

This question gets at the heart of what the other negotiator would like   to see as a ‘best outcome’ situation, which gives you insight into his thought process.

  1. What’s most important to you in this negotiation?

Similar to question number 2, you’ll gain insight into the thought process of the other negotiator, which will give you a glimpse of how to negotiate with her. You’ll also get an idea of her priorities.

  1. What concerns do you have about this negotiation, this point, etc.?

This serves as a way to probe deeper into the mindset of the opposing negotiator per what he fears the most about the outcome of the negotiation. Observe his body language. If he says he doesn’t   have any concerns. Note if he sits back or leans forward as he’s speaking. If he leans forward, he’s more likely not to be concerned at that time. If he leans away, that could indicate he does have concerns, he might not want to share them with you at that time.

  1. What can we do to get past this impasse?

By getting his perspective, you gain a sense of how you might unravel the impasse. If you can adopt his suggestions, to the degree they serve you, you’ll be granting him the outcome he wants. That means he’ll buy into it. Remind him that you’re following his suggestions if he balks later.

  1. Why is that so important?

First, be observant of your tone when posing this question. Your tonality might be perceived as the matter being trivial. If it possesses true value to her, you don’t want to give the impression that it’s not a big deal, especially if it is to you. By doing so, she could say, okay, then give it to me. That would leave you in a weakened position.

  1. What can I do to make things right?

Be very cautious when asking this question. You don’t want to open the floodgates by allowing the other  negotiator to ask for the moon and you not be able to grant the request. On the opposing side, once again, you get a sense of what it might take to make it better, which means you can choose to grant some or none of the requests.

As you can see, the questions you pose during a negotiation set the tone and pace of the negotiation. The questions above can be strategically used during a negotiation to direct or redirect the negotiation in a particular direction that serves your purpose. To do so, use the questions in the order that are best suited for your purpose based on when a particular question is needed. If you do this masterfully, you’ll leave the negotiation with more gains than you otherwise might have had … and everything will be right with the world.

 

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

 

 

Categories
Growth Human Resources Management Skills

Let Go of What You Know – 6 Steps to Meaningful Feedback

Click here to watch the video Let Go of What You Know – 6 Steps to Meaningful Feedback

How many times have you received the same response when you have asked for feedback? You ask someone you think will tell you the truth, “How did I do?” and you hear “Good,” “Nice Job” or “That was great!” These responses are not feedback.  Instead they’re telling you what they think you want to hear rather than the truth.  In some instances, this person may be lying to you because they don’t have the confidence to tell you that you take too long to get to the point and it’s difficult to follow your message.

Avoid falling into the trap of fake feedback.

Honest feedback is tough to come by for two reasons.  First, the higher you are in an organization, the less likely people are to give you truthful feedback about any topic, let alone your communication skills and level of influence.

Begin growing your influence today by applying these six steps to meaningful feedback Monday to Monday®.

Categories
Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

The Missing Piece in Mentoring

 

Mentorship, sponsorship, advocacy… call it what you will, but it needs to go beyond the perfunctory semi-annual meeting to discuss career goals. For most people in that kind of relationship, it probably does, but does it extend to seeking, offering or accepting guidance on the way someone speaks? This is a huge factor in developing executive presence. Short of generically suggesting that someone work on his or her communication skills as is commonly referenced on the annual review, leadership communication tends to be a major missing link.

So what are some of the things to look for in the leadership communication skills in your mentee, and how can you help them work on those areas?

Communication Skills to Look For

Let’s start with content. When presenting information to senior leadership, employees frequently tend to provide too much detail – or “get lost in the weeds,” as they say. Recognize that this is often because they want to convey the thoroughness of their efforts and thought processes, and justify any findings or recommendations that they provide. Reassure them that they’ve been given the opportunity to present this work because they already have the benefit of the doubt that they are qualified and capable, and their results are trustworthy, so get to the point.

Sometimes the challenge is not the quantity of the content, but the level of diplomacy that is used – or missed, as the case may be.

On the one hand, maybe they tend to be conflict-averse, getting tongue-tied at the idea of having to confront someone directly. If so, they often need help finding the words to frame critical feedback in a way that doesn’t beat around the bush, but still allows them to prioritize their relationship without upsetting the other person.

On the other hand, they may have a reputation of being excessively blunt, and come across as unnecessarily combative or defensive. They may need help understanding how their choice of words and delivery (see below) are harmful to their short-term discussion goals and long-term career interests. Then, they will also need alternative framing suggestions to help get their point across without alienating people in the process.

Getting more into the delivery, the ability to show poise and “grace under fire” are often demonstrated by how they control the pace of their speech. Does it sound like one giant run-on sentence? When speakers can articulate their thoughts in finite sentences, like when writing, they sound more in control. They “own” their material. Even if they are fast talkers, something as simple as remembering to pause, just for a second after each point, allows the listeners’ brains to catch up with their ears and digest the last point.

Another problem is that modern social patterns have popularized a bad habit known as “up-speak” or “up-talk,” which is where people sound like they’re always asking a question? At the ends of all their phrases and sentences? Even when they’re not? Which gets really annoying, you know?

The irony is that most people don’t realize when they do it – and it is just as prevalent in men as in women, and in Baby Boomers as in Millennials, contrary to popular belief. It doesn’t even sound like they are interested in what they’re saying… and if their own content doesn’t interest them first, why would it interest anyone else?

So if you are mentoring someone, formally or informally, start listening for some of these patterns. Neglecting to address these issues can undermine all the helpful and well-intended guidance you are otherwise offering.

And if you really want to challenge yourself, remember that taking steps to improve the effectiveness of your own leadership communication is mentoring by example.

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Do you have trouble determining which of these patterns or others are negatively influencing someone’s image or reputation? Are you unsure of how to talk to them about it, or how to help them improve? Or do you have other questions or feedback about this issue? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Growth Management Personal Development

Motivation and Feedback

I lied. In the last article, Motivation and Growth, I said that it was the final article in the motivation series. But in fact, this is the last article in the motivation series and also the shortest. To read all the articles in the series go to http://csnetworkadvis.staging.wpengine.com/advisor/sharon-smith/

Last and definitely not least when it comes to motivating those around you, is feedback and recognition. Do you realize that most people go through their day not getting feedback, praise, or recognition, not even at home or from those they love? Praise and recognition differentiates us from animals; it is something we crave and something that drives us to do more and do better. Feedback, both positive and critical is how we improve and grow.

Let’s first look at praise, recognition, and positive feedback. These are often overlooked because many leaders assume that their employees know when they have done a good job and as such don’t provide what’s actually a big piece of motivation.

This can be for something as small as a quieter employee speaking up at a meeting or a more talkative employee staying quiet while others share, as much as it can be for bigger accomplishments. This can be done in front of others or in private. That is best decided based on the individual and what they prefer. It’s about knowing your people because when you know the people you work with at their deepest level, you know who craves public attention and who prefers a quiet “thank you” or “job well done.”

Constructive critical feedback is also important and all to often saved for that dreaded annual appraisal or evaluation. In these one-time-a-year evaluations, feedback is often limited to what is remembered and often too late in the game to fix problems. If I don’t know that I have offended someone or I don’t know that my approach is not well received, how can I fix it?

Have you ever received feedback that sounds something like “people have been complaining about you for the last few months” or “that email you sent two months ago really ruffled a lot of feathers”? That feedback needs immediate action and you are doing your employees a disservice if you wait too long to provide it. If they are damaging their reputation through their approach they deserve to know it and have the opportunity to fix it as early as possible.

I know you might be thinking that giving critical feedback is difficult or uncomfortable. Yes, it definitely can be, so let me share a technique with you to help. It’s called “the sandwich method.” You start by setting time aside to have the conversation in a place that is private. The conversation starts with the good stuff, what they have done well, what you have enjoyed seeing them accomplish, what you are proud of. The positive feedback, praise, and recognition I was talking about.

Then you transition to what you want them to work on, improve on, and know about. This is the critical feedback that they need if they are going to improve and grow. You ask them for their input, ask them how they feel they can make the changes necessary, and get their buy-in. Then you end the conversation on another positive note, another piece of praise or even bringing up the first item again. You want them to leave the conversation on a positive note.

Remember: people cannot fix what they do not know about, and you are not tapping into their motivations when you don’t allow them to improve. They also crave praise and when you can combine a healthy dose of praise with the right amount of constructive critical feedback you will be known as the leader that everyone wants to work for and your employees will be motivated to do good work for the long run.

For more resources please visit www.c-suiteresults.com where you will find articles, video, and audio content to help you get better results and find the edge you are looking for. Questions and comments are always welcome at sharon@c-suiteresults.com

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Persistence — in Negotiations

Sunday Message of Hope

“Persistence”

How focused and persistent are you about being successful in your life?

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later…. “Da-ad….” “What? “I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later: “Daaaaad..” “WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??” “I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!” Five minutes later..

“Daaaa-aaaad…..” “WHAT!” “When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”

That story highlights the persistence the little boy had for reaching his goal of getting a glass of water. It also highlights the consequences he was willing to endure (spanking) to get the glass of water. What are you willing to endure?

I suggest, if you’re willing to persevere and apply the degree of dedication that’s needed to succeed, along with applying the correct knowledge to do so, you can achieve almost any goal you set your mind upon. Your success really is up to you. Be it in a negotiation (you’re always negotiating) or other aspects of life, commit to the action needed to reach your goals, no matter what that goal may be. If a goal is worth the outcome, it’s worth the effort required to reach it. If you’re persistent and follow your commitment with action, you’ll be better for it no matter where you end up, because you will have gained insight about your abilities to move towards a goal … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!