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Author: Laura Sicola

Dr. Laura Sicola is a leadership communication expert and the founder of Vocal Impact Productions in Philadelphia, PA. She offers keynote speaking, executive communication coaching and team training to help people master the 3Cs of “Vocal Executive Presence”: Command the room, Connect with the audience, and Close the deal. She has spent nearly 20 years in language, culture and education, and has done coaching, trainings and keynote addresses across five continents. She is a coach for the TED Fellows program and works with clients such as Comcast, Independence, Wikimedia, the US Department of Commerce, IBM, and Women Against Abuse. She earned her PhD in educational linguistics from the University of Pennsylvania where she was faculty from 2001-2013.|Dr. Laura Sicola is a leadership communication expert and the founder of Vocal Impact Productions in Philadelphia, PA. She offers keynote speaking, executive communication coaching and team training to help people master the 3Cs of “Vocal Executive Presence”: Command the room, Connect with the audience, and Close the deal. She has spent nearly 20 years in language, culture and education, and has done coaching, trainings and keynote addresses across five continents. She is a coach for the TED Fellows program and works with clients such as Comcast, Independence, Wikimedia, the US Department of Commerce, IBM, and Women Against Abuse. She earned her PhD in educational linguistics from the University of Pennsylvania where she was faculty from 2001-2013.|Dr. Laura Sicola is a leadership communication expert and the founder of Vocal Impact Productions in Philadelphia, PA. She offers keynote speaking, executive communication coaching and team training to help people master the 3Cs of “Vocal Executive Presence”: Command the room, Connect with the audience, and Close the deal. She has spent nearly 20 years in language, culture and education, and has done coaching, trainings and keynote addresses across five continents. She is a coach for the TED Fellows program and works with clients such as Comcast, Independence, Wikimedia, the US Department of Commerce, IBM, and Women Against Abuse. She earned her PhD in educational linguistics from the University of Pennsylvania where she was faculty from 2001-2013.

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

The New Year’s Resolution You Can Keep

Like most people, I usually hate making new year’s resolutions. They are something we create out of a sense of obligation, knowing all the while that we will probably not stick with it for more than 24 hours. Then as icing on the cake, there’s a predictable little twinge of guilt for giving up on it, since it was something that should make our lives better somehow. Well, I want to suggest a way to make this year different.

Decide for yourself that this year, the resolution will not be about you, but about others. More specifically, take stock of your relationships, and take an honest look at the nature of your communication patterns with them. Is there something about the dynamic between the two of you that  brings out a tendency to be unnecessarily blunt, passive-aggressive, or indifferent? Do you shut down or avoid people when there is real or potential conflict? This year, let your resolution be a gift to them – and to yourself: the start of a new, healthier and more positive relationship through a shift in the way that you communicate.

Here are three ways you can wrap your gift:

First, be mindful of what your eyes say even when your lips aren’t moving. We often don’t realize that our face is reflecting our true opinions about something we hear before the other person is done speaking, and often before we even start.

For example, do you have a habit of rolling your eyes, breaking eye contact, or cocking one dubious eyebrow when you disagree with someone? These are signs of disdain that shows you are not open to hearing what they are saying, and will put people on the defensive.

For me, I know that my “thinking face” has my eyebrows scrunched down, furrowed. It doesn’t mean I’m angry or disagree, but that’s often what people mistakenly think it means. In reality, they should be happy when they see that face, because it means I’m listening carefully and seriously considering what they’re saying, but unfortunately that’s not the effect it has. That’s why I need to remember to “reset” my eyebrows to a more neutral, nonjudgmental position.

If nothing else, be sure to make eye contact when someone else is talking. You don’t have to stare them down, but don’t multitask, look at the computer or smartphone screen, or keep checking your watch. Give them the gift of your full attention.

Second, watch your words. Small details in word choice can have a big impact on how people hear and interpret what you say, and how they feel about it. Beware of absolutes, such as everything, nothing, everyone, nobody, and always… Statements like “Nobody wants…” or “You’ll never convince me that…” show that your mind is made up, you are sure that you are right and everyone else is wrong. Plus, they are a form of exaggeration, making you sound melodramatic. In the end, they shut down productive conversation and any chance at collaborative negotiation.

Instead, if you want to promote mutual listening, try hedging those statements. Try phrases like from my perspective…, on multiple occasions…, or I’m concerned that… They allow you to state your case, but allow for the fact that it is your perspective, not “gospel truth.” It shows you are open to working together to reach a mutually acceptable solution.

Finally, engage people. I know you are busy, so you don’t need to hear their life story, but seek to connect with them as people, not just as coworkers or employees. For example, when you pass someone in the corridor, give them more than a perfunctory nod acknowledging their existence. Stop for a moment and ask them how they’re going to use the time off if your company is closed for a holiday, how they’re feeling if they’ve been under the weather, or how their kids or pets are doing. Just remember: a little effort goes a long way.

The beauty of these little tips is that they take so little effort in comparison to what you get back, so it becomes the resolution that you actually want to keep!

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Do you have a comment or question about how to easily and effectively make this shift? Click here to set up a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally.

 

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Best Practices Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Research Shows: Leadership = Warmth + Competence

When I think about building my image as a trustworthy leader, I tend to think about strengthening qualities and providing services that will proactively draw people in. That’s why I was particularly surprised by a recent study that took a markedly different approach.

At its core was the need to demonstrate two specific qualities that indirectly indicate that you simply won’t hurt others. While that may seem obvious, it was actually much more subtle: the idea was that at the heart of all relationships, both professional and personal, are two factors: whether you are “competent,” and whether you are “warm”. “Warmth” is important because it implies a lack of intentional threat. And “competence” balances warmth because it indicates that you won’t accidentally cause someone harm either. The combination of both allows people to trust in someone’s potential as a leader. It’s an interestingly defense-oriented approach to the perception of leadership.

But it’s more than whether or not you are warm and competent: the other half of the equation is whether other people believe that you have both of these qualities. This is where the ability to speak like a leader comes in.

What does warmth sound like? What about competence? We tend to think of warmth in terms of feelings and behaviors, and competence in terms of skills, but based on the above explanation of what warmth and competence represent, the way you communicate your intentions and executions will drastically influence your credibility on both fronts.

Let’s look at a few factors to consider for each of these areas, to ensure that your communication style allows your warmth and competence to shine through.

Word choice

Of course your message needs to be factually accurate and true, but it goes beyond that. When you explain something, do you give more jargon-laden detail than the listener wants, needs or can understand? Does it seem like you are avoiding answering certain questions or omitting other details? These habits can undermine the perception of warmth because it seems like you don’t really understand or trust me, and if you don’t trust me, why would I trust you? Alternatively, if you use lots of fillers like um, you know, I mean, or sort of, it seems like you lack confidence in what you’re saying, which erodes the perception of competence.

Using relatable anecdotes and clear organization, on the other hand, make it much easier for the listener to understand your meaning. This transparency allows them to let down their guard, and see you as a more trustworthy leader.

Articulation

Once you know what you want to say, the way the words roll – or stumble – off the tongue, will either help propel the listener along with you, or make them hit the brakes. Do you speak at a volume that is easy for everyone to hear, and at a speed that is easy to follow? Does your inflection highlight important words, indicating your personal interest in the topic and adding vocal interest for the listener? If so, all of these practices will reinforce your image of warmth and competence because it shows you are considering and prioritizing the needs of the audience. Mumbling, rushing, and monotonous, run-on sentences will all have the opposite effect.

Facial expressions

Tying it all up, your physical communication is, ironically, the strongest of the three communication modes when it comes to your appearance of competence, warmth and overall credibility. No matter how much expertise you demonstrate in your content, and how strong or clear your voice is, facial expressions such as occasional eye-rolling, unintentional frowning when concentrating, eye contact (or lack thereof), or chewing on your lip can signal your deeper, underlying negative feelings about what you are saying, from arrogance and contempt to insecurity. Remember to smile when appropriate, make eye contact with everyone without staring them down, and keep a neutral listening face in order to reassure the audience of the sincerity of your intentions.

Regardless of the seniority of your position, bearing these points in mind will help you reinforce the impression of being both warm and competent, and come across as a natural leader worth following.

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Do you have other questions or feedback about effective leadership communication? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

Categories
Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

Beating the Top 3 Bad Speaking Habits

Recently we identified three of the most common bad speaking habits. Knowing what the problems are is the first step toward breaking those habits. But once you know what to look for, how to do you make a change for the better?

Here’s the key to making real, positive change: Record yourself. Start by recording yourself talking for a couple of minutes in different contexts, whether on the phone, at a meeting, or in casual conversation. It doesn’t need to be long – the way you speak in the first minute or two is most likely how you speak for the rest of the conversation. (If someone asks, assure them you’re trying to improve your communication skills, that the recording is confidential, and that you will only be listening to your own contributions in the recording.)

If possible, video record yourself – even if it’s just when you’re on the phone – so you get the full picture. Otherwise, audio-only is fine.

Once you have made your recording, here are three things to look/listen for:

The first is fillers, or crutch words. See how many unnecessary words sneak into your speech, chopping it up. The first time you hear a “ya know,” “I mean,” “like,” “um,” or an unnecessary “actually,” add it to the list. Then every time you hear it repeated, make a check mark next to it on the list. It will show you two things: first, is how chopped up your points become, which makes it more difficult to comprehend for the listener. And second, is your preferences, which fillers you gravitate towards, and when you tend to use them.

The second is run-on sentences. Don’t think you’re guilty? Transcribe your recording to see if I’m wrong. How many real, honest-to-goodness periods did you “hear” and write? Did you hear a pause or a drop in pitch indicating the genuine end of a sentence, or was everything connected with “and,” “but” or “so,” separated by a litany of commas? Don’t write what it should look like; be honest with yourself.

Take note also of how run-on sentences affected your breathing and voice. As your sentences got longer, did you run out of breath and start to sound gravelly and weak? Make sure your sentences end as strong as they begin. This should give you some insight about how better organization and more pauses would improve the power of your message.

The third is to check your facial expressions, which is much easier with video. At what points do you look annoyed, uncertain or anxious? Do you frown, touch your face, smile nervously or furrow your eyebrows? Be honest about what impression it makes when you see it.

Try “resetting” your face from time to time by raising your eyebrows and letting them drop into place, and stretching your mouth into a wide yawn, then releasing and closing it, to return to a neutral expression. If your face is more relaxed physically, it will result in sounding more relaxed vocally, rounding out and reinforcing the impression you make on everyone else.

Regardless of what habits you think you have, experiment with a recording or two, just to be sure. (You know what they say about what happens when you “assume” things.) The new clarity you gain will be the first and most critical step toward breaking any old habits, and developing new ones that reinforce your vision and leadership.

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Do you have questions or comments about how to beat back your bad speaking habits? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

 

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Best Practices Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Handling Conflict with Class

Potential conflict lurks around every corner. Over the weekend, I found a surprise in my inbox, which turned into a good lesson in two-way diplomacy and proactive problem solving.

It was an email from Jeff Hayzlett, co-founder and chairman of the C-Suite Network and the Hero Club. He was responding to a couple of questions I had asked, and at the bottom was the following comment:

“On a side note— I got feedback that when asked you had mentioned that the experience with Hero was not good— so was that wrong feedback or is this [program you are putting together] another run to make it work?”

I’m not sure which dropped further – my jaw or the pit of my stomach.

These are the kinds of scenarios that tend to trigger people’s fight-or-flight reflex. They either run away in embarrassment – even if the allegations aren’t true – or they react angrily and defensively, neither of which is conducive to productive discussion and problem solving.

My mind raced, simultaneously trying to figure out who had given him that “feedback” and what on earth I had said to that person that would have left the impression that I had a negative overall experience with the organization. Plus, I didn’t want some misrepresentation to tarnish my relationship with Jeff and the C-Suite Network.

However, one thing I did notice was how he chose to bring it up to me. On the one hand, he didn’t passive-aggressively write me off and give me the silent treatment, leaving me completely in the dark, but he also he didn’t attack me with accusations. After all, upon hearing that kind of rumor through the grapevine, most people’s reflex would probably have started with “WTF?!”

Instead, he neutrally and unemotionally stated the nature of the information he had received. There was no direct accusation, insult, or attack. He then equally objectively asked if what he’d heard was accurate (it wasn’t), and made an effort to try to understand my current position, giving me the benefit of the doubt and a chance to give my side and set the record straight.

What mattered most to me was to maintain that tone throughout the exchange, however long it took, in order to get to the bottom of things while keeping our relationship intact.

I responded showing my surprise, and wanting to set the record straight, while indicating my continued support for the organization and mending any fences that may have been damaged:

“??? I have no recollection of saying that. Can I ask what the context was?  Be good to know who that came from, not for gossip, just for context. And if I can reach out to clarify to them I’d be happy to. I want to promote HC, not disparage.”

Although he didn’t reply directly to my email, we saw each other the next day at the C-Suite Network Thought Summit in New York, which he had organized. I approached him first.

Knowing that if our roles were reversed, I would have felt betrayed upon hearing such a report, I apologized for any potential miscommunication on my part, and repeated the request for more information to try to figure out where things got lost in translation.

The story he received was that I had sent an email responding to an invitation his team had sent me about speaking on his panel, allegedly saying I didn’t want to because I’d had a bad experience with the Hero Club. This already sounded odd to me, because I love being on stage at his events (heck, at just about any event), and we both get great feedback afterwards, but I wanted to see what I had written.

I took a moment to scroll through every email I had sent to him or his team in the past few weeks, and the only one I found that remotely addressed the issue was a response I had sent to the original invitation saying that (a) I’d love to; (b) in full transparency I couldn’t address [XYZ] exactly as requested and explained why, but (c) suggested another angle from which I could approach the topic, and asked if that would work instead.

I showed him the message, and wanting to confirm that he hadn’t inferred something unpredictable from it, I asked him sincerely if it sounded like I had declined the invitation.

“No,” he agreed unequivocally.

“Does it sound like my reasons for [XYZ] implied that my experience with the Hero Club was not good?”

Again, he shook his head and said, “No.”

I also pointed to the thread and showed him that I had not received a response regarding whether or not my alternative solution was an acceptable one. I wasn’t trying to be antagonistic, or throw anyone else under the bus. I simply wanted to show where my current understanding of the situation ended, and hopefully restore my reputation with him, not at anyone else’s expense, which I also stated outright.

What was important in the exchange was that we both kept objective and neutral in word, tone and body language, and shared what information we had with each other, staying open-minded and seeking mutual understanding, all of which is critical to problem solving.

A little while later, he came back to me after a bit of his own digging and shared what he had discovered regarding what had fallen through the cracks on his end as well. I was relieved, knowing that my reputation and our relationship had been restored, which was my main priority, regardless of whether or not I had a formal speaking role at the event.

He said to me, “(when I realized what happened), I told my team, fix this.”

Sure enough, a little while later we were both on stage together. And truthfully, I think the result was even better than what either of us had originally envisioned.

But what made the greatest impression on me was how powerfully smooth the process was. At the end of the day, I asked him how he’d feel if I blogged about the experience and how we worked through it. He nodded. “Go for it.”

When both parties address concerns directly but diplomatically, share all relevant information, listen openly, take responsibility for whatever went wrong on their respective side, and collectively seek to find a remedy, that’s where positive change occurs.

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Do you struggle with how to navigate conflict, or know someone who does? Contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to set up a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally.

 

Categories
Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

3 Bad Speaking Habits You Don’t Know You Have

If you’re like most people, even if you consider yourself to be a “pretty good” speaker, you know you could always be better. The irony is that, while that’s generally true, you probably don’t realize the actual problems you need to fix.

So let’s turn the microscope to three of the most common pitfalls to effective speaking.

  1. Fillers

We’re all familiar with the sins of the repeated “um,” “uh,” and “like,” “you know” and “I mean,” but fillers get much more sophisticated and subtle.

Words like “actually” and “really” can transform into what I call educated fillers. They seem to fit into the conversation, but repeatedly sneak into speech in places where they have no inherent value. They just chop up the sentence, making it harder for the listener to cognitively process the underlying message.

But where most of us get tripped up is the variety of fillers used. If you alternate between them as you speak, they’re less likely to be noticed… but still detract from the fluidity of the point you’re trying to make.

  1. The Vocal Cliff

The “vocal cliff” is what I call the habit of trailing off at the ends of your sentences. This happens for a variety of reasons. First, we tend to speak in a stream of consciousness, which is full of commas rather than periods. As you’re running along, you run out of air but don’t know where or how to refuel, so your voice creaks its way to a slow, grinding halt, much like if your car ran out of gas in the middle of the road.

Another cause of falling off the vocal cliff is when you’re halfway done with your point but your brain is jumping ahead, cueing up the next point you want to make so you don’t forget it, while your mouth struggles to catch up. Your lack of attention to what you’re currently saying comes through as your voice falls off the cliff. Stay present.

Or maybe you trail off because you lose confidence in what you’re saying after reading some displeased faces in the audience. This causes you to hold back, and you fall off the cliff, which projects your self-doubt.

  1. Negative Facial Expressions

As you listen to people, chances are, you don’t even know what kind of facial expressions you make, but more often than not they can convey negative thoughts. Maybe you’re just thinking about what the person is saying, but your “thinking face” has furrowed eyebrows and an ever-so-slight frown. This leads to two problems.

First, people will infer anger or disagreement, regardless of how you genuinely feel. Second, when you do speak, those down-angled facial features actually flatten your pitch and tone, making you also sound displeased. Even if that’s how you feel, do you really want to telegraph it so transparently? And if that does not accurately reflect your feelings, then you’re sending mixed messages and sabotaging your own credibility.

To avoid any of these pitfalls, awareness is the first and most important step. Don’t assume you know which habits you do or don’t have. Try video recording yourself talking on the phone. When you watch it afterwards, do you hear fillers creeping in, or does your voice fall off “the cliff”? Do you appear anxious or irritated? You’ll be amazed at what you discover, and what adjusting such small behaviors can do for your overall executive presence and leadership image.

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Do you have questions or comments about your bad habits or how to avoid them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Management Personal Development Women In Business

Avoiding "Death by PowerPoint"

Avoiding “Death By PowerPoint” in 3 Easy Steps   

“Death by PowerPoint…” This expression is so common that it has practically become a household phrase. PowerPoint… “the deck…” slides… no matter what you call it (or what software you actually use), you probably have a love-hate relationship with it. You understand its importance, but typically, slides are unpleasant to look at, dense and confusing, and distract the audience from whatever the speaker is saying.

But the bigger problem is that, arguably, “death by PowerPoint” is actually a two-part crime; a “murder-suicide,” so to speak. Because in the process, you are boring the audience to death, and killing your own success and reputation at the same time.

So short of abandoning visuals altogether, what’s the solution?

Here are three quick and easy suggestions for how to use slides as an enhancement tool rather than a crutch, to maximize audience engagement, and enhance your reputation as a great public speaker.

  1. Follow the “5×5 Rule”

The point of this rule is to limit the amount of information on any given slide: maximum 5 bullets per slide, with a maximum of 5 words per bullet. This gives you about 25 words per slide, but the 5×5 parameters are an average. You could just as easily have three bullets with eight words, or six bullets averaging 4 words apiece.

This forces you to include nothing but the most critical keywords in your text. So instead of seeing this:

  • As of January 1, 2018, all new vendors will be required to submit appropriate vendor pre-qualification forms before payment processing can begin

your audience would only see this:

  • 1/1/18 – Vendor pre-qualification forms required.

Your original bullet with all of its explanation is what you can use as your talking points. The audience gets the gist from what they briefly scan, then they turn to you for additional information, making you “the expert” rather than just “the soundtrack.”

  1. Sometimes MORE slides ARE better

There’s a commonly-held belief that it’s best to limit the number of slides in your deck. If your slides all look like a page out of the New York Times, then yes, please have the minimal courtesy of having as few of these as possible. But that’s setting the bar really low.

Instead, think of it this way: Rather than have one slide with five bullets on it, requiring you to spend 10 minutes on that single slide, consider giving each point its own slide. Address the single point on each slide using the same minute or two you otherwise would have, and then click to the next slide, and the next.

Doing it this way has two key benefits: First, the frequent slide changes add visual interest and help to maintain people’s attention. Second, the audience is only focusing on the exact point you’re discussing; nothing more, nothing less. That helps them focus their attention and process your message more easily, while also significantly increasing your opportunity to connect with them.

  1. Use a “visual bullseye” 

Sometimes you have to show something that is visually complicated like a spreadsheet, decision tree or process diagram. In these situations try highlighting whatever component you are talking about, letting a yellow arrow pop up and point to it, or a red circle surround it. This draws people’s attention directly to it like a bullseye, and temporarily ignore everything else that surrounds it. Then the arrow or circle can move around the slide with you as you address different components.

Remember that your core job as presenter is to make it as easy as possible for the audience to just “get it.” These simple tips are an easy way to ensure that the audience gets the fullest value from the experience.

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Do you have other questions or feedback about how to present with maximum impact? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

 

 

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Does Changing Your Speech Style Sacrifice Your Identity?

This morning a client made a comment that echoed the misguided frustrations of many people I encounter, when concerns about authenticity come up. After we had identified a vocal habit that was sabotaging her ability to project authority, and worked on skills to improve it, she said:

“Well, but I guess our bad habits are a part of our identity, right?”

The answer is a very simple yes… and no.

Your bad habits are a part of your current identity, but certainly don’t have to limit or otherwise dictate the identity you can grow into if you choose to do so.

Let’s look at it another way. Your current knowledge, experience, and education make up a part of who you are today, right? But if your boss told you that you weren’t eligible for a promotion that you really wanted because you lacked Six Sigma certification, it wouldn’t occur to you to say, “Well, but that certification isn’t part of my identity. To learn those skills and employ them when needed to succeed at the job I have or want would be inauthentic.” It sounds ridiculous in that context. You’d be scanning the internet for the next time a course was available to get that line item on your resume, wouldn’t you?

Similarly, while nobody wants to have to change their eating habits, if your doctor told you that your blood pressure, sugar and cholesterol levels were off the charts and caused a serious risk to your health, you wouldn’t argue that you can’t change your eating habits because they were part of your identity. Sure, some food preferences are foods we grew up on and are linked to our family culture. But if you want your identity to be someone who plays an active role in your children’s and grandchildren’s lives, instead of someone who might not be around to play any role, active or inactive, you’ll find ways to make small lifestyle changes that don’t require you to live on salad.

In case a “Yeah, but…” is creeping its way to your lips, let me reassure you: there is no difference between getting certified in Six-Sigma, adopting healthier eating habits, and learning to speak with greater breath support or tonality, regarding the impact the change will have on your degree of choice, authenticity or identity.

Sure, you are partially a product of your environment, upbringing, etc., but identity is equally a very personal choice.

If you know that your current speech style sounds about as energized as Ben Stein’s portrayal of the economics teacher in the movie Ferris Buller’s Day Off, putting people to sleep as you run the meeting or give your presentation, you have two choices: You can shrug it off and claim, “Well, that’s just the way I talk,” essentially blaming it on your identity, and resign yourself to the fact that nobody will ever want to hear you speak. Or, you can decide that you want people to pay attention to you, to be inspired by you, and choose to take control of the situation. If you want to do the latter, to have that positive, inspiring effect on people, you’ll choose to learn how to modify your delivery in a way that appropriately captures their interest, because you want that to be part of your identity.

Let me clarify: I’m not suggesting you take acting lessons to play the part of some character who is different from you. And a learning curve is to be expected, so any new skill or knowledge may feel awkward and clunky until you get used to using it, and it becomes second nature.

That’s the real goal: that the new speech habits (or eating habits, or management techniques) ultimately become second nature, and a new part of your chosen identity that makes you feel confident in yourself and your abilities, and gets the results you want.

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Do you have trouble finding the balance between speaking in a way that feels authentic, and in a way that gets the results you want?  Or do you have other questions or feedback about this issue? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

Categories
Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

Listen Different

Typically, I write about speech. But today I want to take a new look at the role of the listener in leadership communication. As Apple might say, you have to “Listen Different.”

Of course, as the speaker you need to present your information in a way that will make sense to that particular listener, which is an important leadership skill. But that’s only half the story.

Not everyone is going to be good at adapting their speech to fit your expectations for what good communication sounds like. That’s why it’s important to learn to listen differently, so as not to be at risk for missing some of the most valuable pieces of information.

As an example, I work with a lot of women’s groups, and one of the most common frustrations I hear is when a woman makes a comment in a meeting, which gets glossed over, and then five minutes later one of the men at the table says almost the exact same thing, but he is praised for the contribution. The following cartoon illustrates the sentiment.

Gender-bias issues aside, why this is such a common experience, and how can it be changed? The underlying principle stands for everyone – women and men alike. The truth is that the responsibility for change is shared by everyone present Here’s one reason why:

Sometimes the way a comment is framed makes it “fly under the radar” if listeners aren’t tuned into that frequency, so to speak. For example, they say something like “What about X? Should we look at that? Would that work?” If you heard this at a meeting, what would your response be?

While the person is technically making a suggestion, you might not register the value of the suggestion because it is framed as a series of questions that – on the surface – seem to be seeking validation or approval.

Believe it or not, many listeners don’t understand the nature of what they’re really hearing, and need to recognize the speaker’s intent

You might wish they had just said, “We haven’t tried X yet; let’s take a look at that option,” but they didn’t. So you need to learn to hear the message, no matter how it is framed. Make sure you’re fully present when someone is talking, because we first process tone and instinctive feeling before we process actual meaning. Otherwise, you risk missing out on critical information.

But even if you are just a participant in the conversation and you realize that you do hear the someone’s real message but believe the others in the group somehow missed it, or if “Ms./Mr. Triggs” offers an idea that is only praised when repeated by another person, it becomes your responsibility to diplomatically draw it to everyone’s attention: “Yes, Pat, I think you’re reinforcing what Chris said a moment ago about…” After all, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem, right? Passive listening and lack of proactive participation are not qualities of effective leadership.

It may be frustrating to feel like you need to work harder at listening, that people should just “speak clearly,” in the end, communication is a two-way street, so if you want to be an effective communicator, learn to listen different.

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Do you have trouble communicating effectively with someone, or feel like your contributions are often overlooked? If you have other questions or feedback about this issue, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

The 4 Word Secret to Confident Public Speaking

Today I had a first session with a new client whose primary focus is public speaking. Her story is common: While she’s confident in front of her team, when addressing larger groups, high-stakes audiences or people she doesn’t know as well, her heart starts to race, her face gets flushed, palms sweat, and a whole litany of self-defeating “what if” scenarios race through her mind.

What if I forget what I want to say?

What if I make a mistake?

What if they’re not interested in my topic?

What if I don’t seem expert enough?

What if I can’t answer a question?

 This kind of self-destructive talk is what is referred to as “head trash.” It piles up, festers, and can become overwhelming if you don’t get rid of it.

So I said to her: “I’m going to tell you the secret to changing everything and speaking with confidence. It’s four little words, and I want you to write them down in big letters and tape it to your bathroom mirror, computer, refrigerator or anywhere you’ll see it regularly, got it?”

“Got it,” she said, and grabbed her pen.

Then I told her the secret: “IT’S…NOT… ABOUT… YOU.”

She finished writing it down, then stared at the paper, processing its meaning.

“Here’s the thing,” I explained. As a presenter, you’re now in customer service. Your job is to make sure that the audience has the best experience possible. Do you love your topic or at least think it’s really important? Share that passion with them, and help them understand it.

“Don’t worry about being self-conscious when making eye contact with people. Each person there wants to feel like you’re talking to them personally. Look at each person so they know that they matter to you, that they feel like they’re part of the event.

“When you go to hear a speaker, or when someone is talking to your team, are you sitting there silently evaluating them the whole time, waiting to catch them in a mistake, or are you just hoping that they’ll be interesting and give you some important information? Of course it’s the latter. You don’t want a speaker to fall flat; that makes everyone uncomfortable. You are subconsciously rooting for their success, because if they have a good speaking experience, you’ll have a good listening experience, and that’s your main interest. That’s exactly what your audience is hoping for too.

“How do you feel about that?”

“Truthfully?” she began, “As soon as you said that, I felt instant relief. If I just focus on taking care of the audience, then I’m not worrying about my own perfection, whatever that means. It suddenly feels like a very realistic, attainable goal. I can do this.”

With that, I encourage you to take out your “head trash,” and turn your attention to serving your audience. A good place to start is with the goal of being the speaker you’d want to listen to if you were in audience. Put them first, and you’re guaranteed to come out on top.

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

 

 

 

 

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Best Practices Entrepreneurship Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

David, Goliath, and the Investor Pitch

I had the distinct honor and pleasure of coaching five Hero Club entrepreneurs in preparation for their pitch at the C-Suite Network Investors Summit in San Jose on September 11-12th. It was an exciting event and helping people with great ideas, products, and services tell their stories in a compelling way is one of my favorite parts of the job.

All five CEOs were terrific, poised and articulate with a solid pitch and great visuals, and they all reported being approached afterward by interested parties; what more could we ask for? But in retrospect, one pitch stood out uniquely, and offers a lesson about overcoming the odds and expectations, and why you should never underestimate anyone – including yourself.

David Williams is the CEO and superintendent of Village Tech Charter Schools in Cedar Hill, Texas, just outside of Dallas. Various people I spoke to after the fact confirmed that, before his presentation, there had been a general wondering about why a non-profit, specifically a Pre-K – 12 school, was pitching in Silicon Valley. At best, most admitted preliminary assumptions of it being something of a charity case, like when the older kids let the little one play with them, even though they know he’s not in the same league. There seemed to have been minimal expectations for his performance. Perhaps not so surprising was the fact that David himself later confessed to having similar concerns leading up to the event.

David may not be alone. How many times have you anticipated an event or opportunity with trepidation, based on feelings or concerns of inadequacy, of not belonging? Sometimes there’s a bit of the “Imposter Syndrome” that creeps in when surrounded by other highly expert, highly experienced, and/or highly reputed people. It might also occur if you’re just generally not comfortable presenting to large groups, if the event is particularly high-stakes, or if it’s your first time in the spotlight in a new context such as a conference presentation, in the media, or in this case, an investor pitch. The enormity of the pressure to perform and succeed in the public eye is enough to make most people’s hands shake – even if only a little.

But to David’s credit, he rose to the occasion and proved that he was not going to let this Goliath of an event get the best of him. He knew what was at stake, and he knew how much he wanted it for his company, his school, his teachers and his students, and that was the motivation he used to prepare for it.

The biggest challenge was the need to shift from “teacher” mode to “business executive” mode. Knowing your audience and figuring out how to angle your point so that it speaks to their unique perspectives and interests is a critical factor in the art of persuasion, and one of the most common areas where people fall short.

When speaking to an audience of teachers and school district members – his comfort zone – stories of children’s experiences and anecdotes of their funny and heartwarming comments will successfully convey all sorts of implicit information about the success of a program. But to a room of business executives and investors, those stories are just the sprinkles on the sundae: added for a little color and sweetness, but of minimal substance. We had to shift the focus to problems and solutions, to data and dollars – a philosophical shift that makes most teachers’ stomachs churn with disdain. And the whole thing had to be done in eight minutes.

To me, the key to his success was the fact that he was able to adapt his content to meet the needs and expectations of his audience, while still remaining completely authentic, and true to himself, both in preparation and on stage. This is often one of the greatest challenges we face when we find ourselves in new contexts with unfamiliar audiences.

I know inside he didn’t like having to cut out some of his favorite stories, but we found a way to use a couple of them in ways that made statistics personal, and humanized the call to action. And David was already a confident and competent public speaker, so it was really a matter of applying those skills with a different focus, and convincing himself and others that he was a much of a leader in the business world as in the academic sphere.

Sure, there were investors there who weren’t interested in adding a brick-and-mortar enterprise to their portfolios. But it was clear by the end that he was the crowd favorite and had earned the personal and professional respect of everyone there. The little non-profit venture had set the bar for what everyone else believed an investor pitch should look and sound like. As I heard several people say with genuine admiration that day: “He killed it.”

The moral of the story is that even when you feel like you’re out of your element – or even out of your league – do not let yourself be intimidated by the Goliath. Seek whatever guidance you need to put the pieces together, and play to win.

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Are you preparing a pitch, or do you have questions about another critical presentation? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!