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Author: Katherine Sellery

Katherine Sellery, CEO and Founder of Conscious Parenting Revolution, helps individuals minimize misunderstandings and melt-downs in order to communicate with more collaboration, cooperation, and consideration.

Categories
Growth Leadership Skills

How Do You Parent a Strong-Willed Child? - Katherine Winter-Sellery

How Do You Parent a Strong-Willed Child?

Some kids are just easier than others.

They appear to come out of the womb knowing how to say “please” and “thank you.” They rarely cause any trouble. They never make a scene in public. They do whatever their parents ask of them.

As much as you may dream of having a child who fits this description, the truth is that these people-pleasing behaviors are often predictors of long-term behavioral struggles like codependency.

In fact, strong-willed children who are the opposite of “easy” can grow up to be extremely well-adjusted adults-provided they have the right support from their parents along the way.

Autonomy: The Lifeblood of a Strong-Willed Child

If you’re a parent to a strong-willed child, then you already know what a rollercoaster ride it can be.

That’s because for a strong-willed child, exercising their autonomy is as important as getting food, water, air, and sleep. When their autonomy is threatened, they literally feel like you’re removing one of their critical needs.

That unmet need is so strong that it gives rise to incredible emotions that they, as kids, don’t yet know how to manage.

This desire for autonomy is why bed or bath time can feel like a full-fledged power struggle. It’s why your kid will insist on wearing boots to bed until they’re red in the face. It’s why they just can’t seem to take “no” for an answer.

Autonomous children want to be in charge of themselves — and Mom and Dad are always trying to get in the way!

So, how do you manage a strong-willed child without driving yourself up a wall?

How to Parent a Strong-Willed Child:

Stop caring about what anyone else thinks

Parents of strong-willed children often feel embarrassed by their kids’ behavior, especially in public. They buy into the troubling assumption that well-behaved children “shouldn’t” do this to their parents.

It’s important to remember that no kid is inherently bad. They’re not “bad” when they speak their mind, and they’re not “bad” when they react in ways you may not understand.

No parent wants to feel judged. But your fears about how people view your strong-willed child are probably more in your head than anything. And if that’s not the case, it may be time to surround yourself with more understanding people!

Stop worrying about what other people will think of you or your child. What’s important is that your kid feels seen, heard, and loved-whether they fit into society’s traditional mold or not.

Learn to manage high emotions

Young kids don’t have the tools or experience to manage their emotions. So when your autonomous toddler emphatically insists on pushing all the elevator buttons on the way up to your apartment, it’s not really their fault!

As parents, we must remember what’s developmentally appropriate for our children. If your kid can’t even properly communicate what they’re feeling yet, how can you expect them to control their outbursts?

That said, if you’re dealing with an older child in the throes of intense emotions, give them space to feel what they’re feeling and engage with them compassionately.

Observe extreme behaviors

If your kid is flying off the handle at the slightest provocation, it may be a sign that there’s a deeper problem aside from just being strong-willed.

Is a peer at your child’s school causing them distress?

Is something in their environment causing an allergic reaction or an irritation in their nervous system?

The brain has no pain receptors, so the only way we know it’s irritated is through behavior. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you need it.

Give your child the freedom they crave

An autonomous child can be so strong-willed and self-determined that they’re misunderstood as defiant. But what they really crave is an ounce of independence at an age where they have very little control over their lives.

Find opportunities to give your autonomous child the freedom they desire. Eating dinner may not be up for discussion. But you can still give them an element of choice in what they eat. Allow them the liberty to strike against eating broccoli — as long as they’ll eat kale instead!

Begin questions with “would you be willing to?”

Finally, a tip I like to give parents is to start questions with, “Would you be willing to…?” when asking an autonomous child to do something. You’ll be surprised at just how much your strong-willed child is willing to do when they have a simple choice in the matter.

Raising a strong-willed kid is a challenging but ultimately rewarding experience. Autonomous children often grow up to be strong, capable adults who positively impact the lives of those around them. Keep doing your best to help them get there!

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. Our 5 Day Parenting Reboot kicks off on Monday! Don’t miss out on learning the exact strategies thousands of other parents have used to enjoy more quality time and better relationships with their children. Sign up right here to join us.

P.P.S. Check out my brand new feature on Talk to Me! Host Brenda Warren and I had a great time recording this conversation about becoming more conscious parents. You can watch the episode on YouTube here.

Originally published at https://www.katherinesellery.com on September 10, 2021.

Categories
Growth Personal Development

Let’s talk it over… | Conscious Parenting Revolution

In the United States last year, we were just weeks away from a presidential election. The last few weeks, months, and even years have been fraught, politicized, and polarized. With everyone yelling over each other, there’s not a lot of listening going on.

As I teach in the Guidance Approach to Parenting, effective communication is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships and creating a physically and emotionally safe environment.

We’re always going to come across people who we disagree with. Getting into a shouting match, battling it out over social media, or pretending people who think differently than you don’t exist aren’t productive ways to handle those disagreements.

Instead, we need to acknowledge our differences, engage with each other as human beings, and encourage open and respectful dialogue.

This video-yes, it’s an ad, but worth the watch-is a great example of what effective, compassionate communication can look like:

Next time you’re talking to someone with different views than yours (your toddler or your teenage maybe?), don’t judge. Don’t try to convince. Don’t even look for all the things you might have in common. Simply focus on the person sitting across from you. You don’t “win” the conversation by proving that your point of view is the right one. You win by making a genuine connection with another human being.

Really listening can be hard when someone else’s perspective is so different than your own. Staying out of judgment is key. Also seeing beliefs as an attempt to meet needs. Beliefs tie into our values and give us a way to explain and understand our lives. If we see everyone else’s beliefs are doing this for them too, shifting a belief could be a fisk to belongingness with their tribe. A belief could tie directly back to a need for connection or understanding.

Successful dialogue doesn’t always mean you walk away from being on the same side. Goodness knows we don’t always see eye to eye with our kids. It’s about showing up, connecting, and listening to what the other person has to say.

Want more support to transform your family dynamics? Join us for the 5 Day Parenting Reboot

Originally published at https://www.consciousparentingrevolution.com on October 23, 2020.

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

Thank You for the Parenting Work You Do - Conscious Parenting Revolution

Happy Labor Day!

We commemorate the American labor movement every year on the first Monday of September. On this day, we acknowledge and celebrate workers across all industries.

Whether you work outside the house or you stay at home to care for your children, you deserve recognition fr doing the hardest job in the world: parenting!

Raising confident, happy, healthy children isn’t easy. You, dear parent, put in the work for this unpaid labor of love every single day of the week, with no breaks and no time off. 

I, along with my team at Conscious Parenting Revolution, would like to take a moment to honor you for. . .

. . . always waking up the earliest and going to sleep the latest.

. . . taking care of your children’s needs for food, a nap, a ride to the mall, or even just a hug- often before your own.

. . . patiently enduring temper tantrums and bad moods, while doing whatever it takes to make your children feel better.

. . . loving your family unconditionally-warts and all.

You make a tough job look easy!

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

Wishing you a few moments today to celebrate and honor the work you do.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. Are you looking for a way to celebrate? Do something special for yourself by joining our 5 Day Parenting Reboot. Learn strategies to improve your communication and build an even better relationship with your kids. Sign up to join us today!

Originally published at https://www.consciousparentingrevolution.com on September 3, 2021.

Categories
Growth Personal Development

“Boo!” said a ghost from 6 feet away

Who doesn’t love trick-or-treating? I have fond memories of Halloween: costumes, face paint, going door-to-door around the neighborhood, and candy-so much candy!

This year, like last, will be different. Some of you won’t feel comfortable with your kids gathering together to trick-or-treat. Costume parties may be postponed until next year. Maybe you won’t even be opening doors to hand out candy. But that doesn’t mean all the fun has to be canceled.

It’s important to find ways to celebrate holidays and milestones while still acknowledging our current reality. Not only will you model resilience and adaptability for your kids, but you might also even discover a new family tradition!

Here are some ideas on how to have a fun-while-socially-distant Halloween celebration:

Trunk or Treating. Instead of handing out candy in person, decorate the back of your car’s trunk with Halloween streamers and baskets of candy. Your neighbors can walk past your house, help themselves to the baskets, and give you a wave to say thanks!

Check out your local community events. Maybe your neighborhood is hosting a drive-by parade. I’ve seen neighborhoods that are putting up creepy decorations on trees and lamp posts and dubbing them “haunted roads.” To keep it simple, tour your neighborhood to look at house decorations or catch a Halloween flick at a drive-in movie theater.

Host a Zoom costume party. Who says Zoom has to be all about work? Invite friends and family members to a virtual costume party. This way, you still get to appreciate each other’s costumes.

Carve (or color) pumpkins. Pumpkin decorating is a great crafting activity for kids of all ages. If your kids are too young for carving, set them loose with some magic markers or glitter pens instead!

Bake some spooky treats. Bake and send Halloween-themed cookies to your friends and family. It’s a good way of letting them know you’re thinking of them, even if you can’t celebrate together.

Hold a spooky house competition. Create a spooky house competition with your neighbors! Have those who want to join decorate their homes, and then do an online vote on Halloween night. A good example of doing something fun together, apart.

Halloween this year doesn’t have to be a drag. So go forth, have some socially distant fun, and share a picture of your celebrations inside our Facebook group. I’m excited to see what your family is getting up to!

P.S. Want more support to transform your family dynamics? Join us for the 5 Day Parenting Reboot, launching September 13th!

Originally published at https://www.consciousparentingrevolution.com

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Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

Dear Katherine: Why is My Granddaughter So Moody? — Conscious Parenting Revolution

Hello, Conscious Parent! Welcome to “Dear Katherine,” a monthly Q&A with real-life parents/caregivers. If you’d like to submit a question of your own, email me at katherine@consciousparentingrevolution.com.

Dear Katherine,

I have an 11-year-old granddaughter whose emotions are all over the place. Recently, she came home from school in an especially angry mood. I could tell something had happened, but when I asked her about it, she yelled that it was none of my business and slammed the door in my face.

What should I do? Should I give her space? I never know how to respond to her in situations like this.

Love,

Concerned Grams

Dear Concerned Grams,

First, I want to give you some good news: “bad” behavior at home means a child feels certain they’re loved no matter what.

Your granddaughter knows she can let her hair down and be difficult in front of you because you’ve created a safe place for her to fall apart. If she were to exhibit this kind of behavior at school, it would be a symptom of a much bigger problem.

But Concerned Grams, I know this assurance doesn’t fix the problem you’re having.

What you and your granddaughter are experiencing is a classic communication breakdown. Neither of you has the necessary tools to reach the other, so you’re caught in a rut of ill-expressed feelings, hurt, and unmet needs.

Here’s the thing to keep in mind: children don’t have the sophisticated vocabulary or the maturity to identify their unmet needs. So 99% of the time, a child’s default reaction to emotional discomfort is to fall apart crying, screaming, kicking-or all three!

As the adults in the room, it’s our job to teach kids to self-regulate their emotions and effectively express what they need. Here’s what I recommend:

Depersonalize

No matter how personal your granddaughter’s behavior may feel to you, know that it’s not about you. Her yelling and slamming doors are symptoms of her own pain, and nothing else.

As Marshall Rosenberg once said, “Never listen to the words people say.” Your grandchild’s angry words will only trigger you. So when you feel emotions begin to rise, allow yourself self-empathy and self-compassion. Take a pause and step back. Once you’ve depersonalized, then you’ll be ready to re-engage.Once both you and your granddaughter have achieved a level of calmness, open a line of communication in a gentle, leading way.

Lead them out

Once both you and your granddaughter have achieved a level of calmness, open a line of communication in a gentle, leading way.

If you suspect the problem stems from friendships at school, for example, start with something like: “It seems like you’re feeling so distraught. You need to be seen as who you are, to be acknowledged and included, to have security in your relationships. Do you feel like one of your friends isn’t meeting these needs?”

Then listen to her response – with compassion and without judgment.

Help them name their unmet needs

Because children have trouble identifying their unmet needs, they blame external factors for how they feel.

If they’re excluded from a party invitation, for example, they feel so overwhelmed with negative emotions that the underlying unmet need (i.e. the need for belonging and friendship) goes unresolved.

Help your granddaughter express, “I feel… because my needs aren’t being met,” instead of letting factors she can’t control dictate how she feels inside.

Concerned Grams, when a kid is hurt, sad, or distressed, they have no idea how to reconnect in a meaningful way with those around them. But your concern is the first step to helping your granddaughter through whatever difficulties she’s experiencing.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. Want more support to transform your family dynamics? Join us for the 5 Day Parenting Reboot, launching September 13th!

Originally published at https://www.consciousparentingrevolution.com on August 27, 2021.

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

This is Deeply Personal, but I’ll Say it Anyway… | Conscious Parenting Revolution

What I’m sharing today is my deeply personal journey in discovering my inner voice and learning to speak up for myself.

My mother, who I deeply adored, brought me up with a traditionally southern approach: one that prioritized being socially acceptable, pleasing, polite, and obedient.

None of these values are inherently wrong, but they can be dangerous. My upbringing inadvertently taught me to diminish myself. I lost sight of my feelings, stifled by my desire to please everyone else. For too long, my voice was silenced.

At 13 years old, I was sexually assaulted by a stranger while I was alone in our family store. I didn’t tell a soul for 40 years.

At 16, I was again sexually assaulted by my high school’s football coach. Again, it took me 40 years to share my story.

The #metoo movement, a movement that empowers people to find their “no,” breaks through society-imposed shame and shares the truth of their experiences.

In my TEDxGEM in France, I address my own journey to find my voice and speak up against sexual assault.

One of the most important things we can do as parents is teaching our kids to trust their inner voice and speak up for themselves. Our children need to know that being well-behaved and considerate does not require them to abandon their feelings, their boundaries, or their autonomy.

Let’s teach our kids that what they have to say is always important. Let’s teach them to speak up and speak loudly-for all the world to hear.

Originally published at https://www.consciousparentingrevolution.com on October 16, 2020.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Are You A Bad Parent For Treating Your Kids Differently?

If you’re a parent to more than one child, chances are you’ve been accused, at some point or another, of playing favorites.

Maybe your 10-year-old is upset that her 13-year-old sister is allowed to have an iPhone and she isn’t.

Perhaps one of your children has a learning disability and requires more help with school work, leaving his sibling feeling neglected.

It’s normal — and even healthy — to treat children differently. After all, they’re each their own individual person with unique needs. But how can you honor their individuality without making it seem like you’re playing favorites?

The Dos and Dont’s: When You Should Treat Your Kids Differently — and When You Shouldn’t

As a mother myself, I know that YOU know you’re not actually playing favorites. Many factors contribute to our daily interactions with our kids: their personality, age, maturity level, even their birth order!

Consider the experience of a first-born child. They’re brought into the world by parents who look at them like deer in headlights — completely inexperienced when it comes to raising a baby. This child may recall being the center of attention, with Mom and Dad anxiously monitoring their every move.

The second-born child, on the other hand, will probably have a different experience — in large part because their parents feel more confident and at ease the second time around.

The truth is, no two children experience the same family in the same way. And no parent experiences each child the same way either! Each kid is unique — and their individuality is precisely why we can’t treat them the same way all the time.

When considering your kids’ individual needs, DO treat them differently according to:

Personality. You can’t expect an introverted child to have the same hobbies or activities as an extroverted child. Encourage your kid to identify what interests them and be supportive of what they choose — whether it’s sports, ballet, drama, painting, or even reading quietly by themselves.

Tailor your approach even when prodding your children to make friends. An introverted child may be more comfortable with a one-on-one playdate, while an extroverted child might enjoy group activities.

Age. It’s normal for a younger child to complain when their older sibling is allowed to do something they’re not. But as the parent, it’s important to stand your ground about what’s developmentally appropriate for each kid.

Be firm but empathetic about why, as a 7-year-old, your kid can’t drink coffee or go to the mall on their own. Acknowledge their frustration and let them know you understand their disappointment. That acknowledgement will help them release the negative emotion and let the issue go.

Special needs. If your kid has a learning condition, allergies, or any type of special needs, by all means cater to them. Encourage their siblings to practice being considerate and supportive of each other’s special needs, too. If one child is allergic to nuts, for example, ask your other children to be selective about the food they share at home and have alternative food options their sibling can eat.

That said, don’t forget to give time and attention to the kid who doesn’t have special needs. Some children are so good at being the “strong, supportive sibling” that they don’t know how to ask for help from their parents when they need it. So be proactive about checking in with them!

Maturity level. Not all kids have the same level of maturity at ages 5, 10, 15. Some children are more mature than others, and should be treated accordingly to nurture their autonomy and independence. Still, navigating these considerations can be difficult for parents, as I learned firsthand.

When my daughter Pia was in 6th grade and we were living in Hong Kong, I left for an extended work trip. Upon my return, I found out that Pia had started taking taxis on her own. My husband was comfortable with this milestone, but boy was I unprepared!

We ended up resolving this conflict through effective communication. The truth of the matter was that Pia was ready and responsible for that level of independence. Luckily, my daughter understood that it was me who had a problem with fear, worry, and letting go. She supported my needs and came to a compromise by agreeing to text me her whereabouts whenever she took a taxi on her own.

When considering your kids’ individual needs, DON’T treat them differently when it comes to:

  • Implementing value systems. Your expectations for behavior and responsibilities should be consistent among all your children. Let your kids know that everyone is expected to be kind, considerate, and helpful — inside and outside the house. No exceptions.
  • Showing appreciation. Whether you’re attending your daughter’s field hockey game or your son’s piano recital, be their biggest cheerleader. Show them you’re proud of who they are and how they choose to express themselves.
  • Spending quality time. It’s important to spend quality bonding time alone with each child. Schedule a “Mommy/Daddy and Me” time at least once a month with your kids — and hold that time sacred and immovable.

Treating your kids differently doesn’t mean you’re playing favorites. It means you respect your children as individuals with varied needs and desires.

Explain to your kids why they require different treatment from you at times. But let them know that when it comes to the question of who your favorite is, the answer is “no one” — because you love them equally.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

Visit us at: www.consciousparentingrevolution.com

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Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

7 Ways to Help Your Child Through the Pandemic

How have you been coping? Last year has been particularly challenging for many parents: tasked with working (increasingly long) hours from home, maintaining an (increasingly messy) house 24-7, and perhaps playing teacher to their children as well.

You might have noticed your child “acting out” more often than usual. They’re likely feeling the effects of the pandemic, cooped up at home and cut off from their friends. The isolation may not cause permanent damage, but it’s certainly taking a short-term toll on kids and parents alike.

As a parent, it’s your job to look out for your children’s mental and emotional wellbeing—which, by the way, requires you to meet their needs, not be a superhero. Here are 7 ways you can support your kid:

Give them the 411

If you have very young children, you may not have talked to them yet about COVID-19. Make sure you do as it becomes developmentally appropriate. Kids need to know why they have to wash their hands for 20 seconds, or wear a mask, or stay 6 feet apart from others. If you have older kids, be sure to explain how you’ve come to your decisions about everything from school to slumber parties. We’re all making calculations to keep our children safe; be sure your kid understands your family’s math.

Add or maintain structure

Simple routines add structure, and structure makes kids (and adults) feel safe. They know what to expect. Try setting times for waking up, eating, studying, and doing chores. Assign tasks around the house. Differentiate the weekends from the weekdays. Make sure to build in some free time so kids can assert their independence by controlling their own activities.

Set attainable goals

It’s far better to achieve and celebrate small wins than to undermine a child’s confidence by setting impossible goals. Being able to complete smaller tasks, such as changing out of pajamas or taking a quick walk every day, will help them feel accomplished and self-assured.

Offer freedom to explore

Let your children discover and explore their own unique interests. Allow them to find self-expression in whatever pursuit they choose: be it playing with LEGOs, learning about dinosaurs, or aspiring to be the next Ruth Bader-Ginsburg. Broadening your mind and expanding your creativity is something not even a pandemic can take away.

Let them cry it out

Who doesn’t feel like yelling or bursting into tears these days? Give your child space to grieve and process their emotions. When they’re ready, ask what’s really bothering them. Do they miss seeing their friends? Are they feeling afraid or insecure about the world? Acknowledge that your child is a human being with complex emotions, and let them express those emotions without rushing to a solution.

Stay connected

We all need a support system. Schedule Zoom or Facetime calls with grandparents or friends. Build in quality time for your family to be together beyond rushing past one another during the work/school day. It will help everyone feel less isolated.

Give them their own space

Finally, carve out a special place just for your child. It doesn’t have to be an entire room; a small nook in your kitchen or office area will do. Giving kids room to breathe, physically, mentally, and emotionally, gives them space to grow and learn.

The last several months have been difficult for all of us, and it’s of the utmost importance that we find healthy ways to cope. Remember that you need support, too! To connect with a group of a thriving community of fellow parents, be sure to follow the Conscious Parenting Revolution on Facebook.

P.S. Not a part of our FB community yet? Follow the Conscious Parenting Revolution for exclusive content you can’t get anywhere else.

Visit us at: www.consciousparentingrevolution.com

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

5 tips to help your child feel seen, heard, and supported

Hello, Conscious Parent! Welcome to “Dear Katherine,” a monthly Q&A with real-life parents/caregivers. If you’d like to submit a question of your own, email me at katherine@consciousparentingrevolution.com.

Dear Katherine,

My 10-year-old daughter and I had a bit of an altercation. She and her sister were having an argument over a dress the younger one wanted to borrow. They took the fight into my work-from-home space. To be honest, I was buried with deadlines and was about to hop on a call, so I immediately told my older daughter to let the younger one borrow the dress. She burst into tears and yelled that I didn’t take her feelings seriously.

Needless to say, I’m gutted. I don’t ever want my kids to feel dismissed. What do I do, Dear Katherine?
– Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent

Dear Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent,

I can certainly empathize with your predicament. As a working mom myself, I know what it’s like to feel too stressed and overwhelmed to give my kids undivided attention. You didn’t mean to come off as dismissive, and your gutted reaction shows that you are indeed a serious parent who wants to do right by your children.
It’s important to remember that parents, just like anyone else, are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Still, it’s our duty to provide a safe and loving environment where our kids can be seen, heard, and supported.

5 Tips to Help Your Child Feel Seen, Heard, and Supported

You know that you take your daughter’s feelings seriously despite being very busy. Here’s what you can do to show her just how much she matters to you:

1. Apologize

Apologies are powerful catalysts for healing. Even though you didn’t mean to make your daughter feel ignored or neglected, let her know how sorry you are that her feelings are hurt.
Then, ask her what exactly made her feel like you didn’t care. Did it seem like you were taking her sister’s side? Explain that you love them both equally and take both their feelings very seriously.
When everyone is feeling better, bring your two girls together and encourage them to resolve the dress issue. Can the younger one learn to respect the older one’s decision not to share that specific dress? Is there an alternative piece of clothing she can borrow?
Sharing is an important skill to learn, but let your children know it’s perfectly okay if there are some things they want to keep for themselves.

2. Stop what you’re doing and listen

The next time your daughter demands your attention, step back and observe your reaction. Are you tapping your foot or looking at your phone? Did you even look up from your computer screen and make eye contact?
Give your kids at least a minute or two of your undivided attention when they need something. And if you’re just too busy at that particular moment, schedule a “Mommy and Me” time later in the day.

3. Acknowledge what she’s saying

Problem-solving is certainly one of our most valuable skills as parents or caregivers, but don’t be so quick to find a solution that you dismiss what your child is trying to say.
Rather than placating children with toxic positivity (“Don’t be sad, cheer up!”), validate how they feel: “Are you feeling sad? Do you want to tell me why? Is there anything I can do to make it better?”
Raising self-assured children begins with teaching them that it’s important to acknowledge whatever emotion they’re feeling - so they can let it go when they’re ready.

4. Set reasonable boundaries

As important as it is for children to acknowledge their feelings, it’s equally essential for them to connect their feelings to their underlying unmet needs. Now is when they can learn that they don’t need to be overwhelmed by their emotions and can be with them rather than overwhelmed by them.
Your daughter may be angry at her sibling, but that doesn’t mean she can take it out on her - or anyone else for that matter.
It’s never too early to teach children that negative feelings don’t have to translate to bad behavior.

5. Put yourself in your child’s shoes

Let’s be honest: sometimes it’s hard to understand why a child could get so upset over being asked to shower, make their bed, or in your case, Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent, lend her sister a dress.
But try to remember that kids have very little control over their everyday lives. The next time one of your daughters is upset, practice empathy to understand where she’s really coming from.
I hope this advice is helpful, Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent. You’re juggling so much each and every day between work and parenting and everything else. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. Want to connect with other parents and caregivers who share your successes and frustrations? Join the Conscious Parenting Revolution Facebook Group!
Visit us at: www.consciousparentingrevolution.com

Categories
Growth Leadership Skills

If I Ever Have Kids, I’ll Never… – 5 Principles of Conscious Parenting

At some point in our lives, we’ve all said this line when talking about our less-than-perfect childhoods: 

 

If I ever have kids, I’ll never……

 

….make them feel like they’re less than enough

….yell at them in the middle of the grocery store

…lash out or make unreasonable rules

 

None of us want to repeat the mistakes our (often well-intentioned) parents made raising us. And yet, we unconsciously find ourselves repeating the cycle.

 

I’m Katherine Sellery, 3x TEDx speaker, Founder & CEO of Conscious Parenting Revolution, and sought out “Pandemic Parenting” coach and expert who has helped thousands of parents, children and educators thrive during the COVID crisis. For my expertise, I was recently featured on Chicago, DC, and Atlanta & Co for my success in advocating for struggling parents and youth across our country. 

 

In a lively and engaging segment, I’d love to share with your audience 5 principles of conscious parenting that you can start working on now:

 

See your kids for who they are: human beings. Parents often forget that their kids have their own quirks, preferences, and boundaries, which might conflict with the parents’ way of doing things! Your task isn’t to raise a clone of yourself, but to help your child grow and develop into the unique individual that they are.

 

Listen with love

When voices are high or even hysterical—that’s when your child is telling you something important. You may feel the urge to yell right back, but you’ll learn a lot more if you can pause and listen instead.

Build them up, don’t tear them down

Being overly critical can undermine your child’s confidence, but so can too much praise. Work to acknowledge your child’s achievements in a neutral way. Let them know that it’s possible to be good at something but still have room for improvement.

Explain your reasoning

Children, even older children, may not understand the guidelines and boundaries you set for them at first. Take time to explain why they can’t watch TV for 4 hours straight or pouring milk all over dad’s laptop.

Be flexible

Your parenting style should adjust to the unique needs of your child—not the other way around! Practice the 4 principles above, keep in mind that what works for one child won’t necessarily work for another, and adapt accordingly.

 

Would you be interested in setting up an interview? I’ve included my bio below and can provide additional information as needed.

 

Thanks!

 

Best,

Katherine

 

My Bio:

Katherine Sellery, CEO and Founder of Conscious Parenting Revolution, helps individuals minimize misunderstandings and melt-downs in order to communicate with more collaboration, cooperation, and consideration.

 

The creator of the Guidance Approach to Parenting, a program that applies conflict resolution skills to communicating more effectively with children, Katherine has positively influenced relationships for generations and brought about healing and reconciliation in families that were suffering from disconnection. For over 20 years, she has taught and coached thousands of parents, educators, social workers, and medical professionals in half a dozen countries through her popular workshops, coaching programs, TEDx talks, and her upcoming book. Katherine is also a trained mediator, attended Law School, has certifications in different trauma models, teaches a breathing meditation modality with the Art of Living Foundation, and ran her own commodities-trading business in Hong Kong for 30 years. 

 

Katherine is a 3x TEDx Speaker and has released a FREE ebook “7 Strategies to Keep Your Relationship With Your Kids from Hitting the Boiling Point.” For her expertise she has been featured on Atlanta & Co,  Fox31 Denver, 4CBS Denver, CBS8 San Diego and has been a guest on over 20 podcasts.

Visit us at: www.consciousparentingrevolution.com

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