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Author: Debi Silber

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness Leadership

The Power of Consistency to Move You Forward

While many believe that knowledge is power, knowledge is only powerful when it’s consistently applied. Consistency may be the most important component of success. A small step forward each day adds up to a lot of mileage over time.

Are the little things you do each day adding up to something positive? Or have you noticed that not only is there no forward movement, but there’s been a slow and progressive slipping backwards? When it comes to healing from shattered trust and betrayal, inaction prevents progress and healing so even small steps forward add up to big results over time.

With consistent action over the next 10 or 20 years, what could you accomplish? Five workouts each week/ 5 days per week equal 1300 workouts in 1 year! Five minutes of meditation each day over the course of a few years can add up to… a lot of meditation. You get the idea.

Are your consistent behaviors helping or harming?

Use the power of consistency to enhance your success:

  1. If you re-lived today for the next 10 years, where would you end up? Saving just a small amount of money each day would save you many thousands of dollars if not more within a few years. If you overeat slightly each day, you’d eventually be many sizes larger.
  • An effective way to predict your success is to examine your average day and project the likely outcome into the future. An hour each night spent practicing the piano would give different results versus spending an extra hour watching TV.
  • Your teeth aren’t clean because you brushed them for an hour straight. They’re clean because you brushed them for 3 minutes for 3,000 days straight.
  • Consider where your daily habits and behaviors are leading you financially, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and physically. Where are your habits leading you?
  1. Realize that many changes in life come slowly. While some people advocate taking massive action to see massive results, that strategy can be difficult to apply and maintain.
  • Consider something like weight loss for example. You can’t lose 25 pounds in a day. Small changes occur to your weight each day. Those small, regular changes to your habits, beliefs and behavior about food and eating add up to impressive results.
  • Building a great company, the perfect body, or a great relationship all take time and consistency.
  1. Consistency requires habits and discipline. Use your discipline to develop useful habits. Use that discipline to get to the root of your beliefs and changing them because changing your beliefs will result in changing your habits.
  2. Learn to act in the moment. The greatest barrier to consistency is the belief that you can postpone an action to another day. Each day has the power to bring you closer to your goals. Each day lost is lost forever. You’ve probably heard that “someday” isn’t a day on the calendar.
  • The only real discipline required is the discipline to act right now.
  1. Have reasonable expectations. When your time horizon is unrealistic, it’s not easy to be consistent. When you ask too much of yourself too soon, it’s just as challenging. Be positive and enthusiastic, but be reasonable so you can experience a win versus being disappointed because you set yourself up for an unrealistic short term goal. Put your focus on regular and consistent improvement. Perfection isn’t required. I’ve also heard that we overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in 3 years so set an expectation factoring in those 2 ideas.
  2. Use reminders or triggers in your environment to encourage consistency. Think about the things that you do every day that could serve as reminders. Getting dressed, starting your car, and turning out the light each night are a few examples.
  • Each night you turn out the light, you could visualize your goals. After getting dressed, you could grab your gratitude journal for a few minutes of journaling and getting centered.

What you do once in a while doesn’t impact your life significantly. Rather, it’s what you do consistently. Consistency is a major predictor of success in any endeavor whether it’s in the realm of health, work, relationships and more. Develop habits and routines that guarantee success by changing them at the level of belief. Consistent behaviors determine your outcomes, so choose behaviors that drive you towards exactly what you want.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Growth Personal Development

How to Rebuild Shattered Trust

 

By Dr. Debi Silber
How to Rebuild Shattered Trust
June 9, 2022

Trust is a very important part of any relationship. Without trust, you don’t feel safe, secure or settled. Trust is the glue that holds any worthwhile relationship together. The good news is, you can choose actions that build trust.  

Each relationship is different. The steps for establishing trust for a romantic relationship are very different than for a business relationship. But all relationships have certain things in common and they all require trust.

Trust in a Nutshell

Here are a few of the basics when it comes to trust:

  • Always tell the truth.
  • Do what you say you’ll do.
  • Keep your promises.
  • Only take on what you’re capable of handling.

If you keep these principles in mind, you can build trust in most relationships. A good partnership has to have trust to exist. Whether you’re asking someone for a date or forming a new business venture, trust in each other is vital.

Are Most People Trustworthy?

It depends on you and so many other factors. Your belief system, your experiences, your upbringing, how you’ve worked through situations where trust was shattered in the past, and so much more. Given the same background, two people can emerge from the experience so differently. One can come to the conclusion that people can’t be trusted, the world isn’t safe, it’s better to stay guarded and that’s the safest way to prevent being hurt again. They keep people at a distance as a way to prevent that same pain from impacting them again.

Others can emerge from the same situation believing that people are doing the best they can with what they have available to them. Someone who shattered trust simply isn’t someone they want to spend their time with, and they’re grateful that they now have a sense of what feeling unsafe feels like so they’re better able to surround themselves with those who speak and act differently.

Whether you believe people are trustworthy or not, you may also consider that some people will show they’re trustworthy if given a second chance. Everyone messes up at some point. Whether that person deserves a second chance or not depends on a number of factors too.

Has the person taken steps to rectify the breach of trust? Have they taken responsibility? Have they apologized for their actions? Is there remorse and empathy for the pain they’ve caused? Can you believe that they’ve changed their ways and whatever they said or did to break trust won’t happen again?

If so, is that what you need to be willing to allow the person to slowly rebuild trust with you? Or, were their actions so hurtful, harmful and hateful that you can’t even consider believing in them once again? Now of course, if the person shows no remorse, takes no responsibility, acts callous and isn’t the least bit concerned with the hurt they’ve caused, you have very little to work with here. With some people however, their actions could potentially serve as not only the greatest wake up call for you, but for them as well.

Seeing the pain and hurt they’ve caused may be the shake-up they needed to wake up and change. Yes they may have learned that powerful lesson at your expense and it’s going to take a lot to heal from it. However…

This shattering of trust affects everything. It impacts your ability to trust in the person who hurt you. It also impacts your ability to trust yourself and your judgment. Like ripples in a pond, it then also impacts your ability to trust in others and in everything.

So as you consider these questions about being open to trusting again (with either the person who hurt you or with others), I invite you to ask yourself this one too.

How is withholding trust affecting your health, work, relationships, happiness and self-esteem?

According to the over 70,000 people who’ve taken the Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz, a staggering 84% say they have an inability to trust. 67% prevent themselves from forming deep relationships because they’re afraid of being hurt again. 82% find it hard to move forward and 90% want to move forward but don’t know how.

The good news is, we’re taking it all on June 6th-10th during the 5-Day Trust Again Intensive.

Staying stuck is a choice…and one that hurts. You deserve to feel safe again, love again, trust again.

 

Dr. Debi
Founder and  CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

What You Need When You’re Healing from Betrayal

What’s one of the most important things you need when it comes to healing from betrayal?

Willingness.

Check your willingness. We have two types of people who leave the PBT Institute. The first is this type. They’re through Stage five (out of the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough). They come in at Stage two or Stage three, and they leave at Stage five. That’s when they’re supposed to leave. They’ve been transformed. They’ve completely moved through their experience. They’re healed, they’re different and they’re enjoying their new life, level of health, relationships, confidence and more.

The second type of person who leaves The PBT Institute… is the one who is unwilling to do the work to heal. They may have had the best of intentions but when they realized that healing from betrayal is going to require doing things differently, they weren’t up for it.

Here’s something I’m realizing about the many people who email and message me daily about how much pain they’re in and how badly they want to heal.

Just because you’ve been betrayed doesn’t mean you’re ready to heal from your betrayal. There’s a very big difference and here’s a question to ask yourself.

Are you willing to heal from shattered trust and betrayal?

You may be surprised by your answer if you’re totally honest with yourself. Why? You need to let go of your story and all it’s giving you. You need to move through some dark places, some unknown and unfamiliar territory. While moving through it is to get to a healed space, because it’s different, we often choose to stay right where we are.

I did a PhD study on betrayal and thought that the people who were the hardest hit would grow the least because they had the most to overcome.

 

That had nothing to do with their healing.

One of the biggest factors in their healing was willingness. It was the ones who had that “whatever it takes” attitude, the ones who put their heads down and said, “I’m not picking it up until I’m out the other side” were the ones who healed. Those were the ones who blew the doors off of the ones who weren’t as willing.

So check your resistance. Even though you think you want to heal, you’re going to have to change. You’re going to have to lose all the small-self benefits you get from your story. What are some of those benefits?

Being right, having someone to blame, getting sympathy from other people are just a few. There are so many things you give up but here’s a visual to explain what holding onto these things does to you.

Have you ever seen someone on a trapeze? They can hold on to one of the bars and they can swing and grab onto the other bar. But if you notice, they’re not going anywhere until they let go of that first bar. That’s the willingness you need to heal from your experience.

Are you willing to let go of your story and all it gives you? I get to know every member who comes into The PBT Institute. The ones who do the best aren’t the ones who’ve just been betrayed. It’s the ones who are ready and willing to heal.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness Leadership

9 Benefits You Receive from Setting Boundaries

It’s not easy to set boundaries when others are accustomed to you not having any. Whether we like to admit it or not, people take advantage of other people. Boundaries are always important but when we’ve been betrayed, redefining boundaries so we can heal from betrayal and shattered trust is more important than ever.When others take advantage of our kindness, it leads to resentment and lowered self-esteem.The solution is to set boundaries. Your boundaries can be anything you choose.

A few examples include:

  • You don’t loan money or your favorite books to anyone.
  • You don’t allow people to yell at you.
  • You don’t spend time with people that are drunk.

You can have boundaries regarding your own behavior too, such as:

  • You don’t watch any shows or movies that promote violence or fear.
  • You don’t buy anything expensive without giving yourself 24 hours to think about it.
  • You turn off the TV by 10pm.

Set some boundaries of your choosing and enjoy these advantages:

  1. You’ll have less stress in your life. When you have boundaries, others stop taking advantage of your good nature. When they understand there are limits, they tend to respect them. A good set of boundaries reduces the amount of stress you experience in your life.
  2. You’ll receive more respect. We all know the person that always says yes to additional chores, tasks, errands and responsibilities. Because they struggle with saying no, people pleasing or letting someone down, they go to exhaustive efforts…at their own expense. They’re pushed past their limits yet neglect to say or do anything to change. It’s often that those people aren’t respected.
    When you respect yourself and your time by setting boundaries, others will respect you, too.
  3. You’ll be less annoyed with others. When fewer people are making demands of your time, you won’t be so annoyed with them. When you have less stress and more respect, you’ll also be less annoyed.
  4. You get to practice being assertive. Setting boundaries is a way to be assertive. The people that need to set boundaries are often the people who need the most practice being assertive.

 

5.You develop more respect for the boundaries of others. You become more aware of the boundaries of others when you set boundaries. You’re more respectful when you receive respect.

6.You learn how to say “no” to others. Saying “no” is a valuable skill. It’s not easy to deny the requests of others, but it’s important. You can’t accommodate everyone at every moment. There are times that a refusal is the only reasonable response.

7.You’ll have more free time. Fewer people making demands on your time means having more time available to spend in the way you want to. What would you do with more time?

8.Your life improves overall. If you’re less stressed, more respected, less annoyed, more assertive, and have more free time, your life is bound to be better overall. It’s amazing what a few boundaries can do.

9.More self-respect and self-esteem. When you stick up for yourself and fewer people are taking advantage of you, you’ll experience more self-respect and self-esteem. It’s easier to like yourself when you treat yourself well.

You have the right to determine what you will and will not accept in your life. It’s your time, life, and attention. You can allocate them any way you choose. When you’re healing from betrayal, you choose what works and what no longer works for you based on a new version of you that you’re designing and creating.

Start by making a list of boundaries that you’re like to apply to your life and the people around you. Expect resistance at first but be firm. The important people in your life will eventually understand that the happier you are, the better it is for everyone.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Categories
Growth Personal Development

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Have you ever felt angry or hurt because of something your partner, friend or colleague said or did? Since it would be almost a miracle if no one has ever upset or offended you, let’s talk about how boundaries can help.

Setting healthy boundaries can help you protect your emotional energy and deepen the connection within your relationships.

Boundaries are the guidelines we set about our expectations, availability, and energy. Because boundaries communicate how we feel, they prevent us from overcommitting or feeling resentful. They also help give others guidelines with how to treat us.

They do not have to be hard, aggressive rules. Setting boundaries allows us to be transparent about how we feel, so we can have a deeper, longer, lasting relationships.

The word boundary might be interpreted as pushing someone away. It is better described as an invitation to let others in to learn more about us and our needs.

Setting boundaries can improve the strength of any relationship. Not only are you inviting others to learn more about you, but you are also claiming responsibility for your emotions and how you take care of yourself.

Benefits to setting healthy boundaries:

Take care of mental health. Boundaries allow you to take responsibility for your emotional energy and mental health. Setting healthy boundaries can help you name your limits with your emotional energy in mind.

Give people a safe space to be transparent and vulnerable. Setting boundaries creates a safe container to be honest. It’s a way to grow trust and a sense of safety.

Learn about yourself. Learning where your boundaries are is a process of tuning into your own needs.

Setting boundaries allows us to care for ourselves and prevent resentment from arising.

Follow these tips to set healthy boundaries:

Be honest. Let the person you’re setting a boundary with know why you’re setting boundaries. Check in with their emotions.

Explore what you need. Pay attention to where you might feel resentment, guilt, or anger.

  • What makes you feel uncomfortable?
  • What values are important to you?

Make the boundary about you and your needs. When you state a boundary, focus on you.

  • “It was great to spend time together this weekend. I’d like to decompress alone the rest of the night. Want to get lunch in a couple days?”
  • “I feel attacked when my point of view isn’t considered. I appreciate feeling heard and understood.”

Start with thank you. If you have trouble setting boundaries, start by thanking the other person for their thoughts or requests.

  • For a partner something like this can help: “Thank you for wanting to spend time together, but I’m not up for it now.”
  • For a friend, something like this can help: “Thank you for the invitation and it sounds like fun. Instead of us driving their together, I’ll meet you there so I don’t cut your night short if you want to stay out late.”

Set boundaries for you and for others.

  • A boundary for you may be something like: “I don’t like watching scary movies. If that’s what they want to do, I’ll say no thanks and do something else.”
  • A boundary for others may be something like: “If they start yelling or name calling, I leave the room.”

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Boundaries

As you set boundaries, it’s important to understand that setting a boundary with the intent of controlling someone is not a healthy boundary.

A healthy boundary does not control the other person. They’re about what makes you feel safe and comfortable. Boundaries respect and honor both parties to grow and thrive together.

Boundaries ensure that you continue to respect one another, communicate, and honor each other’s needs. Healthy boundaries will deepen your connections as you learn what works and doesn’t work for each other. They’ll also make it easier to navigate your relationships as you feel a greater sense of safety and respect around what you want and need.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Growth Personal Development

Do You Really Want to Change?

It’s not only possible, but common to consciously convince ourselves that we want change in our life, yet subconsciously put our effort into keeping everything exactly the same as it is right now.

We can even go through all the motions of starting a new project, enlisting help, getting things started and more, only to consistently find some insurmountable challenge when it gets close to a start date that prevents us from following through.

Why would we do that?

Fear

Fear is a huge reason why so many of us don’t follow through.

Fear of what?

  • Fear of success
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of what others might think, say, or do
  • Or all of the above

We can say we’re unhappy, unmotivated, and unfulfilled. We can even know exactly what we need to do, but don’t seem to manage getting it done or moving things forward.

What does this stop and go, start and stop pattern create? This vicious circle of starting and then stopping, over and over again, can cause us to lose confidence, struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, and more. It can also cause us to lose trust in ourselves because we’re saying one thing, but our actions don’t match our words. This builds the conviction that we can’t do anything other than what we’re currently doing so we’re better of keeping everything the same, no matter how good a new future might look. When we say that often enough, that conviction becomes our new limiting belief and we’ll justify and rationalize anything that may question it.

Does this sound familiar? If so, what can you do about it?

Question your fear
A simple question like, “What’s the worst that can happen?” can show you why fear is stopping you in its tracks. Can you accept the worst case scenario? Is it really that bad? It’s unlikely that the worst case scenario will happen but if so, playing it out is often not as bad as we originally may have thought before we looked at it fully.

Imagine someone else taking your idea from concept to completion
Imagine your idea. Now imagine it was too hard, it would take too long, you didn’t have the time, resources or whatever else you believed you needed to move your idea forward. Now imagine someone else taking your exact idea and moving it from concept to completion.

If you had the idea, it’s because you’re the one who is supposed to see it through. Feel what it would feel like to give that dream to someone else simply because you didn’t take appropriate action when the opportunity presented itself.

What do you lose if you take action?
Sometimes it’s a matter of what we’ll lose that prevents us from moving forward. And, even if those things don’t seem worthy of holding onto, they’re comfortable and familiar which may be all it takes to keep things exactly as they are.

Will you lose staying under the radar as you become more accountable for your actions? Will you lose time or money as you pursue this new venture? Will you lose the story you may have created around why you can’t do something or why you’re unable to see this idea through?

Are you worried you’ll lose your current relationships or you’ll drift apart from your current social circle as you pursue this new passion and dream? Take a look at each of these concerns. Are they legitimate and if so, what decisions will you make to prevent a negative outcome as best you can? Next, consider why you may still feel compelled to hang onto that story or idea. Is it out of comfort, guilt or simply the fear of the unknown?

Make a Decision and Take Action
Through practical experience, you’ll come to realize that when you make a decision and take action, you move forward. As you do, you’ll see that life is more rewarding and satisfying when you don’t let your fears keep you small and/or stuck.

When you find purpose and meaning in what you do, you also realize that the fear evaporates. A sense of pride, fulfillment and purpose takes its place. It’s not that you’ll no longer experience fear, but by taking that fear on, you’ll have more opportunities to explore things that fill and fuel you. Taking on those fears, versus running from them, leads to success in any area you deem important.

As Winston Churchill said: “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” A great perspective and reminder that stumbling towards what you want is far better than staying rooted to what doesn’t serve you.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

 

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

Made a Mistake? Here’s How to Begin Fixing It

Whether it was intentional or unintentional, sometimes we simply screw up. 

Own It: 

There’s nothing more frustrating than when someone refuses to take responsibility for their behaviors and actions-especially when those behaviors and actions caused harm. While we’re often so willing to overlook and forgive an error in judgment or a transgression, we tend to hang onto it more tightly when the person who caused the harm refuses to own it.

So, instead of blaming, making excuses, getting defensive, ignoring it or assuming the other person doesn’t need an explanation or apology, take responsibility for the part you played (whether it was intentional or unintentional) and own it. Now, in a case of betrayal or shattered trust, it’ll take more than that but you’re off to a good start.)

Use Their Language: 

Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts explains how there are different ways to communicate love and the secret to a love that lasts is found in communicating in the way your partner wants and needs to hear it. So, when trying to fix a major screw up, the same idea applies.

It’s not about communicating your awareness, understanding or apology in a way that works for you but in the way that’ll resonate with the person you hurt. Do they need a kind gesture or a sincere apology? Convey your message in a way that works for them.

Remorse, Empathy, and Restitution: 

According to the dictionary, remorse is deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed. Empathy is the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions. Restitution is an act of restoring or a condition of being restored. When it comes to fixing a major screw up, these three conditions work beautifully together and lay the foundation for forgiveness. Now, sometimes an action can’t be fixed but is there something you can do to show your willingness to right the wrong? Here’s what these three together may sound like: “I’m so terribly sorry (remorse).

I understand why you’d be upset. I get it and I’d be upset and hurt if you did that to me (empathy). What can I do to make it up to you?” (restitution).

Learn From It: 

Our actions emerge from our current level of awareness. When we’re coming from a place of fear and lack, our actions will represent that. When we’re in a place of love and abundance, our actions will represent that too.

A major screw up is most likely coming from a place of fear and lack. If it’s coming from love and abundance, it was most definitely unintentional. In either case, learn from it to make sure you don’t do it again. Did you act without thinking? Fail to consider the consequences or the other person’s needs? Did an inflated ego or pride cause you to say or do something you now regret? Maybe learning from it and implementing a simple rule like: “Would I like that done to me?” If the answer is yes, do it and if the answer is no, don’t.

Self-Forgiveness and Paying it Forward:

Once you’ve taken responsibility for your actions and behavior, communicated in a way the person you hurt will understand, were remorseful, empathetic, offered restitution and learned from it, there are still a few more things you can do. Forgiveness takes time along with consistent effort to repair the damage done so have patience.

The bigger the screw up the longer it can take because the person you hurt may be reeling from the shock, pain or anguish you caused and has to find new footing as they readjust to what they’ve just experienced by your actions. This process is now about them as they learn what role they may have played, what changes they need to make to feel valued, safe and secure again. While they’re working through it, healing, changing and growing as a result of what they’ve just been through, now is also the time to work on self-forgiveness. Sure, you may feel guilt and shame for the pain you caused but that doesn’t help anyone.

Forgiving yourself allows you to use what you’ve learned to grow, become a more awakened and enlightened version of yourself, and use your new awareness to not only ensure it won’t happen again, but to help others by what you now see so clearly.

Paying it forward by preventing someone else from experiencing that pain doesn’t mean you didn’t cause the harm, but may just be what’s needed to prevent someone else from causing or being the recipient of a painful experience. Paying it forward also contributes to the greater good and that’s what life is all about.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Categories
Growth Personal Development

7 Strategies to Help You Get Through Difficult Times

Life isn’t always easy. We’ve all faced some tough times. However, the way we handle difficult situations can make all the difference.

Many of us make life even more difficult by the way we handle (or choose not to handle) our challenges. This creates additional issues that require time and energy to fix. How you handle trying times also says more about you than you may realize.

Will you let these times bring out the worst in you or the best in you?

Make it easier on yourself and get through difficult times more quickly with these strategies:

 

  1. Remember that you have more options than you realize. Part of what makes challenging times challenging is the belief that you have no options. Feeling powerless is painful. Remind yourself that you still have choices. How you choose to handle the trying situation is because you chose one of those choices available to you.
  2. Pay attention to all of the things that are still good in your life. You may have lost your job, but you still have your health and your family. Maybe you’re getting divorced, but you still have your friends, job, health, and your children. You get the idea. While things may look grim right now, there’s always something to be grateful for.
  • What was the best thing that happened to you last year? Who has made a positive impact on your life? Make a list of at least 20 positive things in your life and then notice how much better you feel. This helps put things into a more manageable perspective.
  • What we feed, grows so if you only focus on what’s not working, you’re giving it more power than it deserves. You’re also putting your focus on the problem versus the solution.7 Strategies to Help You Get Through Difficult Times
  1. Look for solutions. Focusing on your difficulty is natural, but ineffective. In fact, it’s draining and keeps us stuck. Decide that you’re going to find a solution. It doesn’t have to be the perfect solution. Just a decent solution moving you forward. Give yourself the time you need to brainstorm, then take action.
  2. Begin implementing your solution. For example, if you’re experiencing a breakup, betrayal and/or the shattering of trust, your immediate solution might include several steps:
  • Are you safe? Safety and security come first
  • Get support from someone who understands
  • Prioritize needs like getting help with the kids, saying no to extra obligations at work, and delegating extra tasks that aren’t crucial right now
  • Prioritize self-care needs like sleep and appropriate supplementation so you can think more clearly during this challenging time
  1. Do your best to care for those within your care-AND let them know you’re not at your best. You may have to reduce your care and attention a little. But, letting those you love know you’re not at your best lets them know you’re doing the best you can and it’s not about them.
  2. Try practices to release your anxiety. You can feel your anxiety in your body. Imagine opening up a door in the location you feel it and letting it all out. Try deep breathing, meditating, exercising, journaling or whatever feels like it’s helping let that tension out.
  3. Show appreciation when you can. Let everyone know that you appreciate their love and support-especially during this challenging time. Everyone wants to be validated, acknowledged and appreciated.

It’s not a matter of whether or not you’ll face difficult times. It’s only a matter of when. Since challenging times are inevitable, why not deal with them as effectively as possible? Strength, confidence and character never come from avoiding our challenges, they come from moving through them.

 

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

7 Strategies to Help You Get Through Difficult Times

 

 

Categories
Growth Personal Development

7 Strategies to Help You Get Through Difficult Times

Life isn’t always easy. We’ve all faced some tough times. However, the way we handle difficult situations can make all the difference.

Many of us make life even more difficult by the way we handle (or choose not to handle) our challenges. This creates additional issues that require time and energy to fix. How you handle trying times also says more about you than you may realize.

Will you let these times bring out the worst in you or the best in you?

Make it easier on yourself and get through difficult times more quickly with these strategies:

 

  1. Remember that you have more options than you realize. Part of what makes challenging times challenging is the belief that you have no options. Feeling powerless is painful. Remind yourself that you still have choices. How you choose to handle the trying situation is because you chose one of those choices available to you.
  2. Pay attention to all of the things that are still good in your life. You may have lost your job, but you still have your health and your family. Maybe you’re getting divorced, but you still have your friends, job, health, and your children. You get the idea. While things may look grim right now, there’s always something to be grateful for.
  • What was the best thing that happened to you last year? Who has made a positive impact on your life? Make a list of at least 20 positive things in your life and then notice how much better you feel. This helps put things into a more manageable perspective.
  • What we feed, grows so if you only focus on what’s not working, you’re giving it more power than it deserves. You’re also putting your focus on the problem versus the solution.7 Strategies to Help You Get Through Difficult Times
  1. Look for solutions. Focusing on your difficulty is natural, but ineffective. In fact, it’s draining and keeps us stuck. Decide that you’re going to find a solution. It doesn’t have to be the perfect solution. Just a decent solution moving you forward. Give yourself the time you need to brainstorm, then take action.
  2. Begin implementing your solution. For example, if you’re experiencing a breakup, betrayal and/or the shattering of trust, your immediate solution might include several steps:
  • Are you safe? Safety and security come first
  • Get support from someone who understands
  • Prioritize needs like getting help with the kids, saying no to extra obligations at work, and delegating extra tasks that aren’t crucial right now
  • Prioritize self-care needs like sleep and appropriate supplementation so you can think more clearly during this challenging time
  1. Do your best to care for those within your care-AND let them know you’re not at your best. You may have to reduce your care and attention a little. But, letting those you love know you’re not at your best lets them know you’re doing the best you can and it’s not about them.
  2. Try practices to release your anxiety. You can feel your anxiety in your body. Imagine opening up a door in the location you feel it and letting it all out. Try deep breathing, meditating, exercising, journaling or whatever feels like it’s helping let that tension out.
  3. Show appreciation when you can. Let everyone know that you appreciate their love and support-especially during this challenging time. Everyone wants to be validated, acknowledged and appreciated.

It’s not a matter of whether or not you’ll face difficult times. It’s only a matter of when. Since challenging times are inevitable, why not deal with them as effectively as possible? Strength, confidence and character never come from avoiding our challenges, they come from moving through them.

 

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

7 Strategies to Help You Get Through Difficult Times

 

 

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

Betrayal-What it Is, What it Does

How do you heal when a friend shares your most intimate secrets with the outside world? How do you get beyond losing a promotion after being stabbed in the back by a co-worker? How do you make something positive out of a partner or spouse cheating on you?

The pain of being stabbed in the back or worse yet, the heart, is very real and multi-dimensional. It impacts us mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Every relationship has rules- both spoken and unspoken. Over time, we come to believe that if we play by those rules, we will be safe, happy, and fulfilled.

When someone betrays us, they break those rules and it impacts us on every level.

The impact of betrayal is not only real and multifaceted but also ranges in intensity based on how close you are to your betrayer. The more you trusted and depended on the person who betrayed you, the more intense the effects. For example, let’s take a child who is betrayed by a parent and your coworker who took the credit for your idea. Both are betrayals but there’s a different level of cleanup left in the wake of each experience.

In fact, there’s a collection of symptoms (physical, mental and emotional) so common to betrayal it’s become known as Post Betrayal Syndrome.

People who have been betrayed can suffer from a wide range of emotional symptoms such as sadness, anger, stress, rejection, fear, irritability, depression, and abandonment. They can also suffer from physical and mental ailments as well. In my Ph.D. study on betrayal, I studied what holds us back, what helps us heal, and what happens to us physically, mentally, and emotionally when the people closest to us lie, cheat and deceive. A staggering percentage were found to suffer from low energy, extreme fatigue/exhaustion, digestive issues, weight issues, and more. Add to that how common it is to also feel overwhelmed, shocked, unable to focus and concentrate. [eut_single_image image_type=”image-link” image_mode=”medium” image=”32023″ link=”url:https%3A%2F%2Fc-suitenetwork.com%2Fexecutive-membership|||”] According to the study, betrayal also shatters our worldview. That’s our mental model, the rules that govern us and prevent chaos. This is where the shock of the experience hits us hard. The rules we’ve believed in and counted on have all been broken. The bottom has just bottomed out on us and a new foundation hasn’t been formed yet-it can feel terrifying.

Healing from betrayal can be scary and messy, which is why some people continue to stay stuck. The good news is that moving forward is not only possible, it’s predictable with the right strategies. You can not only rebuild your worldview, you can do it in a way to become your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual best. That’s the silver lining of the dark betrayal cloud. You can come out of it stronger, wiser, healthier, and more empowered than ever before and yes, you can learn to trust again.

When you heal, mentally, you’ll be able to focus on what you choose to pay attention to. Physically, you’ll feel more energetic, healthier, and stronger. Emotionally, you’ll be calmer, centered, and confident. Spiritually, you’ll find the gift in the experience. What had become your life’s story will become a pivotal chapter in your next story. This isn’t just a hopeful idea. It’s predictable when you move through The Five Stages From Betrayal to Breakthrough. You’ve been through the worst of it already, you owe it to yourself to do something good with something so painful. When you do, that’s trauma well served. That’s Post Betrayal Transformation.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute [eut_single_image image_type=”image-link” image_mode=”medium” image=”32020″ link=”url:https%3A%2F%2Fc-suitenetwork.com%2Fexecutive-membership|||”]