C-Suite Network™

Menu

Tag: boundaries|healthy boundaries|self-care|stress

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness Leadership

9 Benefits You Receive from Setting Boundaries

It’s not easy to set boundaries when others are accustomed to you not having any. Whether we like to admit it or not, people take advantage of other people. Boundaries are always important but when we’ve been betrayed, redefining boundaries so we can heal from betrayal and shattered trust is more important than ever.When others take advantage of our kindness, it leads to resentment and lowered self-esteem.The solution is to set boundaries. Your boundaries can be anything you choose.

A few examples include:

  • You don’t loan money or your favorite books to anyone.
  • You don’t allow people to yell at you.
  • You don’t spend time with people that are drunk.

You can have boundaries regarding your own behavior too, such as:

  • You don’t watch any shows or movies that promote violence or fear.
  • You don’t buy anything expensive without giving yourself 24 hours to think about it.
  • You turn off the TV by 10pm.

Set some boundaries of your choosing and enjoy these advantages:

  1. You’ll have less stress in your life. When you have boundaries, others stop taking advantage of your good nature. When they understand there are limits, they tend to respect them. A good set of boundaries reduces the amount of stress you experience in your life.
  2. You’ll receive more respect. We all know the person that always says yes to additional chores, tasks, errands and responsibilities. Because they struggle with saying no, people pleasing or letting someone down, they go to exhaustive efforts…at their own expense. They’re pushed past their limits yet neglect to say or do anything to change. It’s often that those people aren’t respected.
    When you respect yourself and your time by setting boundaries, others will respect you, too.
  3. You’ll be less annoyed with others. When fewer people are making demands of your time, you won’t be so annoyed with them. When you have less stress and more respect, you’ll also be less annoyed.
  4. You get to practice being assertive. Setting boundaries is a way to be assertive. The people that need to set boundaries are often the people who need the most practice being assertive.

 

5.You develop more respect for the boundaries of others. You become more aware of the boundaries of others when you set boundaries. You’re more respectful when you receive respect.

6.You learn how to say “no” to others. Saying “no” is a valuable skill. It’s not easy to deny the requests of others, but it’s important. You can’t accommodate everyone at every moment. There are times that a refusal is the only reasonable response.

7.You’ll have more free time. Fewer people making demands on your time means having more time available to spend in the way you want to. What would you do with more time?

8.Your life improves overall. If you’re less stressed, more respected, less annoyed, more assertive, and have more free time, your life is bound to be better overall. It’s amazing what a few boundaries can do.

9.More self-respect and self-esteem. When you stick up for yourself and fewer people are taking advantage of you, you’ll experience more self-respect and self-esteem. It’s easier to like yourself when you treat yourself well.

You have the right to determine what you will and will not accept in your life. It’s your time, life, and attention. You can allocate them any way you choose. When you’re healing from betrayal, you choose what works and what no longer works for you based on a new version of you that you’re designing and creating.

Start by making a list of boundaries that you’re like to apply to your life and the people around you. Expect resistance at first but be firm. The important people in your life will eventually understand that the happier you are, the better it is for everyone.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Categories
Growth Personal Development

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Have you ever felt angry or hurt because of something your partner, friend or colleague said or did? Since it would be almost a miracle if no one has ever upset or offended you, let’s talk about how boundaries can help.

Setting healthy boundaries can help you protect your emotional energy and deepen the connection within your relationships.

Boundaries are the guidelines we set about our expectations, availability, and energy. Because boundaries communicate how we feel, they prevent us from overcommitting or feeling resentful. They also help give others guidelines with how to treat us.

They do not have to be hard, aggressive rules. Setting boundaries allows us to be transparent about how we feel, so we can have a deeper, longer, lasting relationships.

The word boundary might be interpreted as pushing someone away. It is better described as an invitation to let others in to learn more about us and our needs.

Setting boundaries can improve the strength of any relationship. Not only are you inviting others to learn more about you, but you are also claiming responsibility for your emotions and how you take care of yourself.

Benefits to setting healthy boundaries:

Take care of mental health. Boundaries allow you to take responsibility for your emotional energy and mental health. Setting healthy boundaries can help you name your limits with your emotional energy in mind.

Give people a safe space to be transparent and vulnerable. Setting boundaries creates a safe container to be honest. It’s a way to grow trust and a sense of safety.

Learn about yourself. Learning where your boundaries are is a process of tuning into your own needs.

Setting boundaries allows us to care for ourselves and prevent resentment from arising.

Follow these tips to set healthy boundaries:

Be honest. Let the person you’re setting a boundary with know why you’re setting boundaries. Check in with their emotions.

Explore what you need. Pay attention to where you might feel resentment, guilt, or anger.

  • What makes you feel uncomfortable?
  • What values are important to you?

Make the boundary about you and your needs. When you state a boundary, focus on you.

  • “It was great to spend time together this weekend. I’d like to decompress alone the rest of the night. Want to get lunch in a couple days?”
  • “I feel attacked when my point of view isn’t considered. I appreciate feeling heard and understood.”

Start with thank you. If you have trouble setting boundaries, start by thanking the other person for their thoughts or requests.

  • For a partner something like this can help: “Thank you for wanting to spend time together, but I’m not up for it now.”
  • For a friend, something like this can help: “Thank you for the invitation and it sounds like fun. Instead of us driving their together, I’ll meet you there so I don’t cut your night short if you want to stay out late.”

Set boundaries for you and for others.

  • A boundary for you may be something like: “I don’t like watching scary movies. If that’s what they want to do, I’ll say no thanks and do something else.”
  • A boundary for others may be something like: “If they start yelling or name calling, I leave the room.”

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Boundaries

As you set boundaries, it’s important to understand that setting a boundary with the intent of controlling someone is not a healthy boundary.

A healthy boundary does not control the other person. They’re about what makes you feel safe and comfortable. Boundaries respect and honor both parties to grow and thrive together.

Boundaries ensure that you continue to respect one another, communicate, and honor each other’s needs. Healthy boundaries will deepen your connections as you learn what works and doesn’t work for each other. They’ll also make it easier to navigate your relationships as you feel a greater sense of safety and respect around what you want and need.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute