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Growth Leadership Personal Development

The Battle Against What Exactly

For some reason, Confederate statues are the center of a recent controversy. A riot broke out in Charlottesville, Virginia in an effort to preserve a Confederate Statue of General Robert E. Lee. Another statue of Lee was taken down in Dallas, Texas. Now the move is to change the schools and churches that have been named after Confederate men. Why and how this was started is unknown. That’s a clue. We have to ask, what sparked this and what the real intent behind it is.

I don’t know the real cause of why these things are striking contention right now. The point here is to question why they are happening at all. What’s behind this battle? Is it white supremacy, racism, or slavery, like the media promotes. Instead of looking at it from what the media tells us or what we hear a few people sound off on (who these people are, we don’t even know), the focus should be to dig deeper and find what else it could be about.

Let’s start with the statues themselves. The two in question are of Confederate General Robert E. Lee. The reason given for taking them down, some say, is its ties to racism and slavery. Is this the reason they were erected? In 1917 the Charlottesville statue of Robert E. Lee was commissioned. This was 52 years after the end of the Civil War. The Dallas statue was erected in 1936, which is 71 years after the war.

Why did they create statues of Robert E. Lee? Let’s look at him. Lee was born in Stratford Hall, Virginia. Before the war, he was a West Point Commandant and a military officer in the U.S. Army. At the beginning of the Civil War, President Lincoln, who thought very highly of Lee, offered him a command of the Union Army. Lee was extremely devoted to his home state. He said, “If Virginia stands by the old Union so will I.”

Later, Lee read the news that Virginia had joined the Confederacy. He told his wife, “Well, Mary, the question is settled,” and resigned the U.S. Army commission he held for 32 years. Robert E. Lee became the reluctant leader of the Confederate Army. If not for Lee’s loyalty to Virginia he would have been a general in the Union Army. When he turned down the commission, President Lincoln had a difficult time finding a replacement for Lee.

What’s really interesting is the parish in Virginia that was named to honor him; R.E. Lee Memorial Church has decided to change its name. The Episcopal church did not want to have his name even though Lee went against what he wanted to do, (fight for the union) so he could stay loyal to Virginia, (which decided to leave the Union). The church doesn’t even recognize the sacrifice Robert E. Lee made for them. Instead, they see him as creating racial division.

In Dallas, the statue was erected as a reminder of the sacrifice of the Texans who fought in the Civil War. Many people died in the war. At Gettysburg, the Union lost 23,000 men and the Confederate lost 28,000 men. A total of 51,000 Americans died during that battle alone. Texas sent 90,000 men to fight for the Confederacy and lost a staggering amount of lives. The statue was to honor and remember the men, American men, who fought. Yet the lives of these men are not recognized by those who want the statue removed.

The focus has been just about how these memorials represent slavery, though none of them were erected for that reason. Are racism and slavery really why memorials are being removed and names of places being changed. Or is there something else. We have to dig even deeper.

In 2015 McGraw-Hill, publishers of educational books for schools came out with a textbook that referred to slaves as workers. Consequently, they were challenged on it. Why would they change the word slaves to workers? The term worker implies that the black people coming to America had a choice to come. It didn’t point out the fact that they were forced to come.

A worker also means being paid. Black people were not getting paid for their work. When asked why they changed the term McGraw-Hill stated, “our language in that caption did not adequately convey that Africans were both forced into migration and to labor against their will as slaves.” The textbook was changed for the following school year.

The battle about changing textbooks has been going on for some time. The reasoning is to play down slavery. Under the excuse to bring balance, the rationale is to teach our children that the Civil War was because of sectionalism and state’s rights. Though true, it wipes away a major point, the differences between the free and slave states over the national government prohibiting slavery in new territories. The thinking is to diminish the issue of slavery to be of lesser importance.

Is there a move to wipe out slavery from our history? We have to ask what the real underlying factor is here. It is difficult to even find where any of these actions started. We don’t know who or what is pulling the strings. All we know is that something is stirring a pot, provoking racial tension, and the media is on board because it makes great news.

I’m not saying there is a conspiracy going, that dark forces are maneuvering us to behave a certain way. I’m pointing out that we have to ask these types of questions to get at what is really going on. Jumping onto a cause without knowing who is steering the boat and the real objective of anything is ridiculous. Is the point here to wipe out slavery in our history? We shouldn’t forget it and we certainly shouldn’t move it from our history. We learn from our mistakes. Yet there is a force creating antagonism.  We should be questioning the reason why racial tension is being encouraged. The only way to stop it is to find the source.

What is the real reason behind wanting the monuments taken down? Some people wanting them taken down don’t even know who Robert E. Lee was. Right now when you google Civil War you get the movie, “Captain America: Civil War.” Are we erasing the American Civil War altogether!

And where does it stop?  Should we take down the Lincoln Memorial or the Washington Memorial for some reason? Maybe we should close all the Japanese restaurants in America because their ancestors bombed Pearl Harbor and caused so many American deaths.

As far as the monuments about the Civil War, they are not about race or slavery. That, unfortunately, was part of our history and we need to remember it and learn from it. The monuments are about the men who fought and died for their country; no matter what side they were on. We lost 620,000 American men, black and white, in the Civil War, compared to 407,300 American men killed in World War II. May we never forget what this war cost us.

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Growth Management Personal Development

The Demise of Truth

It’s interesting to see how the word truth has changed and fascinating to see that no one noticed. We fling the word around when we want to place credibility to what we say. We state things like “that’s the truth” when we want someone to believe what we say even though we don’t know if it is true but we want it to be. Another phrase we use is “that’s my truth,” giving us an excuse in case we are questioned and are wrong. It’s a clever way for us to convey our message instead of what’s real.

There are similarities between Webster’s definition and the one we have today. Both state that truth is the “real state of things, exactness, and a verified or indisputable fact.” The definition lets us know that truth is constant; it doesn’t change by situation or opinion. Webster even says truth is an “exact accordance with that which is, or has been, or shall be.” Truth doesn’t change.

Another definition of truth then and now is “conformity to fact or reality.” We see that truth means what is, and we are to reconcile to it no matter what we think. Sometimes the truth will be different from what we believe or what we want it to be. Conforming means to emphasize that even though we may not like the truth, it is still the truth. If that is the case, we are to comply with what is real — no swaying, no wiggle room, no changing. We have to yield to what it actually is. We can’t change it. If we do, then it isn’t the truth. Changing the truth makes it a lie.

Yet in today’s definition we give ourselves a safety net. We’ve added another definition that is not in Webster’s dictionary. The added meaning of truth is, “an obvious or accepted fact.” The word to note here is accepted. Today we are able to set truth to what we can get away with. If others also believe something to be true, then it can be true. Adding acceptable gives us the ability to change what is real. We have taken away the fact that truth can’t change, that it is indisputable. Instead we say truth can be changed provided others will accept that it is true. Something that is not true is false. The new definition gives the Self-Serving the power to change the truth, taking truth away. Completely.

If truth can be changed from what is real we have nothing to stand on. It becomes a shooting target based on what some think or on what applies at that moment. It’s impossible to follow or even hit if it keeps changing on us. Truth is needed in our world today whether it’s at work, in schools, or at home. When we are grounded on something we have a place to start and to fall back to. Without a standard, we lose the ability to live and work together.

If truth is dead all that is left is power. No longer will we be able to treat everyone the same. Those with the power will have their way. And they will. If there is no truth, everything is up for grabs.

Imagine a world where the most powerful run it. Haven’t we already seen that scenario? Gaining power would be the goal and people will do whatever they can to get it. Lie, cheat, steal, threaten, even kill. They will get away with it since there is no source to reference. Those without power will be forced to surrender to the dominant Self-Serving or else they will be totally forgotten. Since there is nothing set, new practices will pop up every day. And these practices would be allowed since there are no regulations to show us different. It’s like the saying; we have to have sadness in order to appreciate happiness. Accordingly, we must have truth in order to have justice.

Truth is fact. It cannot be changed. The truth is what is, no matter what we believe, or what we would like, or even what we think happened. We can’t have our truth, or follow a body, like a government, that interprets or believes that truth can change. Truth is the exact way it is and will stay that way. To divert from the fact, the true state, is to steer from what really happened. Anything other than the truth is false, a lie.

Categories
Growth News and Politics Personal Development

Words Can Kill… and Do

Recently, 20-year old Michelle Carter has been found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to 2 ½ years in prison. This is an unprecedented case in that Carter sent texts to her friend, Conrad Roy III, telling him to kill himself. Roy, who was 18, rigged a generator to his pickup truck, jumped in the vehicle and died of carbon monoxide poisoning. The fatal incident occurred in 2014 in Massachusetts. There has never been a case of manslaughter where words alone caused someone’s death.

Michelle Carter received the sentence which includes the stipulation that she spend at least 15 months in prison. The judgment was immediately stayed to determine how to handle a case like this.

It is unusual since words were actually the killer of the depressed boy. While Roy was in the car he was texting Carter, who sent numerous taunting texts about “just do it.” Some of the things she sent to him were:

“The time is right and you are ready…”

            “You can’t think about it. You just have to do it. You said you were gonna do it. Like I don’t get why you aren’t.”

At one point Roy ran out of the car to get some air. Carter texted him to “get back in” his truck, which he did.  Consequently, Roy died of carbon monoxide poisoning. Juvenile Court Judge Lawrence Moniz found that the texts “constituted wanton and reckless conduct.”

I wrote about this exact subject, “Words Can Kill” in my book “Who’s Changing the Meaning?”  Here is an excerpt:

“Words are powerful. They can set our mood, change our beliefs, determine our actions and motivate or cripple our life. A positive comment from someone can lift our spirits and have us soaring throughout the day. Conversely, a negative comment can depress us facing the day with a bad attitude. That’s how powerful words are. Or should I say that’s how powerful we allow words to be. 

Words can kill. They can affect our health. Studies have shown that words have a biochemical effect on us. The medical field recognizes that the healing system is tied to the belief system. The best example is when a person seeks treatment for an ailment and the diagnosis is bad. Time and again the person will get worse once they find out the cause of their illness. They had the illness before the news but once they hear the diagnosis, they start to act the way patients with that illness act.

 It doesn’t have to be that way. People can say what they want and usually do. We can’t stop others from saying negative things about us or telling us how to act, but we do have the choice on how to handle those words. We decide how we are going to let the words alter who we are and what we do. We have the ability to control how it affects us. We don’t agree with their words so why would we give weight to them. Instead of letting the words hurt us, we let them go. 

Ignoring something that is said about us or to us can be difficult to do. Yet it is such an effective way to live. If an individual says something bad about us and we ignore it the person has failed to achieve their intent. We need to realize that if someone speaks out against us that is their right; freedom of speech baby. The insult is not where our focus should be. Our focus is to remember that we don’t care what they think. If someone is belligerent enough to talk bad about us, why would we value their opinion!”

Teens, in particular, are deeply affected by what others say about them. They take in the words and allow them to live inside. They need to realize, as we all do, that words do not control us. We control the words and what we do with them.

I don’t know what the outcome of Michelle Carter’s appeal will be. We need to remember that we have the choice on how words will affect us. The power of words can be diffused by us. We take over the power by deciding to discard the words and move on. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me is not true. They can if we let them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Growth Management Personal Development

Don’t Fall For It

Last week I wrote about how two companies had to deal with small-scale groups of people who speak out.  The first example the business caved to the few and the second business closed its doors. You can read the article, “Your Company May Be Next” here. In both cases, the organizations stepped away from their business model and gave in to those who speak the loudest.

That reminded me of what happened to Chick Fil A a few years ago but with a different ending. S. Truett Cathy, the owner, decided he didn’t want to be open on Sundays so he could give his employees a day of rest. For years the owner was criticized and even pressured to stay open on Sundays. As busy as this one day of the week is for restaurants the loss of business would not outweigh his position. Years later his business is still up and thriving.

Since his dad’s passing Dan Cathy oversees the company. Cathy endorsed the biblical definition of marriage is between a man and a woman. Those who support same-sex marriage called for a boycott of the restaurant on August 1, 2012. They wanted to show how wrong the owner was. On the day of the boycott, the restaurant was packed. I bet it was and probably still is the busiest day Chick Fil A ever had. People poured out in masses where lines extended outside the restaurant. There were extensive delays in getting their food yet people stayed to show support for the owner.

To counter for the backfired plan supporters of same-sex marriage told everyone to gather the next week outside Chick Fil A’s nationwide. On that day only a handful of people showed up. This is a perfect example of a few people speaking out loudly to get their way.

The overwhelming majority does not sound off. There’s no need to. Yet when a minuscule amount of people wail, they get their way. You let them determine how to run your businesses. That’s ridiculous. You need to stay on your beliefs and not be bullied to do something you don’t want to do. When a 3-year-old throws a tantrum you need to ignore it so they will learn that type of behavior does not work. It can be painful for a bit, nevertheless, you know that training the child has to be done. Whatever the issue, it’s time you show these unruly children that this type of behavior is not allowed.

You have a vision for your business. You’ve done the work, created a plan for your company, acquired the funding, and set the goals. No one should be able to shake you from that objective.

You have the right to your opinions and have the freedom to share those views. You don’t have the right to force others to change to your beliefs. That being said, your company is yours. You can’t please everyone, but then again everyone is not your target customer.

Categories
Growth Management Operations Personal Development

Your Company May Be Next

The Story of Two Businesses

After being forced to change the design of their businesses, the companies reported dramatic loss of sales and even bankruptcy. Though they did everything right, they still were unable to survive. They had a plan based on a target customer, had the funding and the location they needed. Yet an insignificant population prevented them from succeeding.

Story #1

We can determine who will be in a movie theater by what the movie is rated. If it is rated G there will be kids present. Rated R and we don’t anticipate kids there.

There are PG movies that adults would be interested in like Shrek, Despicable Me, and Beauty & the Beast. Grownups might not go to these movies since they don’t want to deal with kids in attendance. However, they would show up if there was an adult only audience. The result would be increased ticket sales for the movie makers and the theaters, extra exposure for the film since a higher amount of people will be viewing it and a pleasant experience for the adults. A win-win for everyone.

Wouldn’t it be great if adults could go see movies and not be surrounded by kids. I’m not talking about denying families from seeing the movies. Instead having movie times for adults only. Something like adult swim in public pools where the kids must stay out of the pool for 10 minutes while the adults swim.

When the topic of adult only movie screenings is mentioned parents complain they want to bring their children. Despite there being numerous movie times for everyone and only a few that are adult only, people will object. If the adult movie time is only once a day or starts at 11pm people will complain, ‘My kids should be able to attend.’ Even though the parents have a multitude of screenings to pick from, they want what they are told they can’t have.

So the adult only screenings are dropped. We let the meager amount of voices prevail. When did this become the norm? The bellyachers say their kids have a right to attend. What happened to the rights of the adults?

Story #2

There was a bar/restaurant by me that had sand courts so the customers could play volleyball and consume beverages. Parents would bring their kids, who of course used the volleyball courts as a sandbox. When asked for the kids to move so a game could be played, the parents would complain stating their kids had a right to be there.

Remember, this is a bar/restaurant. Even at 11pm the adults couldn’t play because children would be in the sand. I’m talking about little kids. What are they doing at a bar at 11pm? The company created a venue where people could play volleyball yet the courts sat empty. Finally, it drove the adults away and the bar was unable to keep afloat. It closed. It could not survive when its target customer had been chased away. Instead, it was taken over by parents who in essence needed a place that could babysit their kids.

What makes it right for the complainers to get their way? The restaurant had an adult venue. It welcomed everyone, including kids. Yet when the children were asked to move the adults were being chastised by parents for wanting to play volleyball. The owners lost their business because a meager amount of people, who were not the target customer, were too selfish to let the owner run his business the way it was designed.

I enjoyed family time and wanted to do as much with my children as I could. I wouldn’t take my children to places that weren’t designed for them. It was fine. I just went somewhere else. There were so many places that were family friendly I didn’t need to be at any of the very few that weren’t.

Yet somehow we allow a small number of people determine what should be. The business owner created a place made for adults. Why can’t he do that? It’s his business and his vision. I don’t go to a barber shop to get my hair done and complain they don’t have stylists for women. I go to a salon.

We have been submitting to a small, overly verbal group too long. No one gets to determine how things will be in our business. We create our company to run the way we want. No one has the right to change a company’s DNA. A business can’t satisfy everyone so let the owner decide who its customers are.

Build your enterprise the way you want and stick to it when the pressure is on. You’ve created this entity and know it better than anyone. You have set a goal and are shooting for it. Only you have the best interest for your company, so stay on track.

We have to stop allowing the self-absorbed, the nut jobs, the complainers, (whatever you want to call them) determine what we do with our business. Their voices may be loud, but their numbers are few. Explain to them why you have set up your organization this way. Those who do not like the way things are need to do business elsewhere. You don’t care; they weren’t who you were shooting for.

Categories
Best Practices Growth Leadership Personal Development

Boy, If You Don’t Stop

 

Aubrey “DRAKE” Graham is a Grammy-Award winning R&B/Hip-Hop artist. His unique style of soft rap that deals with difficult subjects has propelled him on Billboard charts. Recently his work was rewarded when he received 13 awards at the 2017 Billboard Music Awards. This is the greatest number of accolades ever given to an artist in a single year at this event.

Thirteen awards means giving thirteen acceptance speeches. The one that stands out is the second one. After giving shout-outs of appreciation to Vanessa Hudgens, Nicki Minaj and Ludacris, Drake gave a shout-out to his father, Dennis Graham.

Drake’s dad, a drummer who worked with Jerry Lee Lewis, attended the event wearing a purple suit and purple shoes. He looked exceptional. Drake yelled out to his father, “Boy, if you don’t stop!” That started a frenzy of comments because of the phrase.

“Boy, if you don’t stop” was something not heard before. It set off a surge of comments. Moreover, it set off a controversy. Drake made the comment as a compliment to his father. It was referring to how his dad looked in the purple suit and shoes. In essence, Drake was saying his father rocked the suit and looked fantastic.

Some people took, “Boy, if you don’t stop” as a criticism.  Their thought was there’s a conflict between father and son that was being revealed. People wondered what had caused such a disagreement that Drake would take that moment to expose it. Consequently, they went about spreading their meaning to anyone who would listen.

How can a simple statement like, “Boy, if you don’t stop” be interpreted in opposite ways. It goes back to the problem we are having today with communication. Those hearing the message are not listening, they are interpreting. Instead of figuring out what the speaker said they are coming up with their own message.

Communication is the interchange of words. The purpose is to share knowledge, opinions, and facts. The value of this interchange is only as good as the receiver understanding what the speaker is saying. Otherwise communication did not occur.

Today people put in their own meaning as to what someone is saying. They aren’t listening. They do not try to capture what the speaker is saying. The point of communication is to impart what one person knows to another. If someone walks away from a conversation with what they thought instead of what was said there was no interchange. No message was delivered. No communication took place.

When involved in a conversation, listen to attain what is being shared. It doesn’t make sense to put in your own thoughts about what a person says. You are just listening to yourself. You haven’t learned anything. Why did you even get in a conversation with someone if you weren’t going to listen to them?

Listen, not interpret. Even if you disagree with them there is always something you can learn. If you don’t understand what they are saying, ask them. If you are unable to ask them then look at the context they said it in. The words surrounding the part you are questioning will give you a clue to what the speaker meant. Just like with Drake. Right before he gave a shout-out to his dad, he was complementing Vanessa Hudgens and Nicki Minaj. Drake was complementing his father and he did it in a big way. “Boy, if you don’t stop!”

Categories
Biography and History Growth Personal Development

They Think You Are Saying Something Else

Since Noah Webster’s 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language, the definition of words has changed. We expect that to happen as we invent new things, as slang words are created, and to keep up with the times. Consequently, new words are needed to name them.

Adding words for those reasons is understandable. Changing definitions of words is difficult to grasp. In Webster’s first dictionary the word “definition” is described as “a brief description of a thing by its properties; the explication of the essence of a thing by its kind and difference.” The definition represents the core of what a word is. To create his dictionary, Webster looked at 26 dictionaries in different languages to determine the origin of each word. He goal was to capture the essence of the word.

Yet definitions are changing from what we thought a word meant. “Truth” went from an “indisputable fact” to an “accepted fact.” What was once the real state of things is now whatever people will allow. “Reality” used to mean “fact” and now means “a resemblance to being real.” No longer does it mean what actually happened. Reality is what anyone wants it to be. The word “Lie” means “to make an untrue statement.” If what is true is what we allow and what happened is somewhat similar to what actually happened, isn’t that a lie? [I use the word lie, since the words fake and phony aren’t in Webster’s dictionary.]

How can anyone understand what a person is saying if we don’t have a common language. Lack of communication is a major source of conflict. We fill in our own ideas and get different messages.

So often we hear that a politician or celebrity has to apologize for something they said. A listener puts in their own interpretation which may not be what the speaker meant. When someone speaks we need to figure out what their message is not what we think it could be. If not we are missing their message. Moreover, we are listening to ourselves. What is the point of listening to someone if you are not going to figure out what they are saying.

When someone does cry out injustice many people fall in behind them, asking for an apology. Immediately others jump on board with the protester. Why would anyone want to agree with someone who is wrong?

Don’t apologize about something a person thought you meant. They didn’t make an effort to hear you. If you have been misinterpreted you don’t need to respond or retract your words. The person who took offense should look at themselves to determine in them what brought about that feeling. That is their issue they need to reflect on.

That is a reason why there is so much conflict about gender, race, and sexual preference. Someone will take what was spoken and twist around the speaker’s words. This causes problems and consequently, creates tension between groups of people.

The media loves to do this. We hear more stories about what black people do wrong and less on what white people do wrong. Why? It fuels the flames of racism. We only see stories about how defenseless homosexuals are and how horrible the people are who oppose homosexuality. Why? It entices the groups to battle. This makes great storytelling. For the media, it’s about ratings, not the real news.

That is why Noah Webster fought for and helped create a universal language. A language that changes as a result of trivial or brief trends will not work. We must have a vocabulary that stands firm in its word definitions.