Culture - C-Suite Network™

Dads: Raise Your Daughters to be CEOS

Father’s Day is coming up, so in the spirit of honoring the male role models in our lives, I’d like to share a special note with all the dads and other men (and women) out there about how to raise your daughters to be a successful, confident and happy future executive.

Over the years, I’ve spoken in front of myriad professional women’s groups, and coached women at every level and in every industry imaginable, and one factor regularly surfaces as having a major influence on their current levels of confidence and self-efficacy: their relationship with their fathers.

I often get asked how I’ve developed my confidence and sense of self, and more and more I realize how much of the credit goes to my father (and mother) for setting this foundation in me in all these ways and more.

Dad (a music teacher) encouraged me to audition for all-state band (I played the alto sax), which I did all four years of high school, even though I only made it once. After each audition, we’d talk about what went right and wrong and how to do better next time.

He pushed me to take honors classes but didn’t flinch when I agreed to take AP history and Spanish but not calculus (thank goodness!)

(I’ll probably get flack for this, but I’m going to mention it anyway.) He also always told me I was pretty, even when my ever-fluctuating adolescent weight was on the top end of the yo-yo curve. To a teenage girl’s self-esteem, it mattered. A lot.

When I decided to go for my PhD instead of getting a “regular job” he asked probing questions so we could discuss the pros and cons and the best way to make it work.

And he never once gave me a guilt trip about my biological clock or his (undeniable) desire for grandchildren even though I was 40 before I finally met my husband.

He let me know that he recognized my efforts and intentions, trusted my judgment and respected my decision, even when we didn’t see eye to eye.

Most importantly, even when I had genuinely messed up, even though he was really upset with me in the moment, he never belittled me or called me names, and he made it clear that he still loved me.

So for all you parents, here are four strategies for how to communicate with your daughters in a way that builds her confidence and empowers her with the skills and perspective to be a successful leader:

Talk to your daughter. Don’t be afraid to initiate conversations, and ask tough and sometimes personal questions to help her think through things, then be prepared to listen. Listen to truly understand her motivations rather than to identify the holes in her argument and formulate your rebuttal.
Challenge her to try new things, and set ambitious but attainable goals. Celebrate victories, acknowledge and praise progress and efforts. Recognize the difference between when to say, “it’s okay, you can’t win ‘em all” and “I don’t think you really gave it your best. What happened?”
Invite her to initiate difficult conversations with you instead of hiding her true feelings.
Even when she does make a mistake or otherwise does something you don’t approve of, make it clear that the you think the decision or action was dumb, not that she is stupid. Then – possibly an hour or so later after you’ve cooled off – remind her that you love her and are proud of her no matter what.

If you can fine-tune your objectivity regarding this aspect of your relationship with your daughters now – no matter what their age or family or professional status – that sets a foundation for success that no fancy MBA can match!

Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

4 Ways Leaders Create a Culture that Learns and Grows

By Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC

People don’t remember things just because you told them it was important to remember. Even if they remember, they won’t change their behavior just because they were told it is the right and best thing to do. The most inefficient way of teaching is telling. In order for people to learn, and to create a work culture that learns and grows, people have to be emotionally engaged in the topic.

The two worst ways to teach

When you tell people what to do, your words go into their short-term memory. This container is limited in capacity. Your words compete with worries about current projects, the list of tasks and phone calls to be made, the scores of emails that just popped up, Internet articles, interoffice mail, family matters and what they judge you mean even when you didn’t use those words.

When you scare people into learning, they will remember but the information becomes permanent so they can act without thinking. This keeps people from adapting new behaviors in the future.

For example, when you give people an ultimatum or indicate there will be negative consequences if they don’t do something, anytime they face a similar situation they react in the same way. They behave the way they learned. There is no analysis. There is no considering possibilities. They focus and perform by repeating what they learned under duress.

This is why people resist change – they learned to do things under pressure and fear. They learned to do something one way and now it is difficult if not impossible to change their minds. It is easier to learn new behavior than to try to rewire the brain to do things differently if you learned something through fear.

The best way to teach people to learn and grow

If you want people to be able to act thoughtfully, creatively or strategically, activate emotions in your conversation that trigger neurotransmitters to store information in long-term memory. When people experience pride, dignity, laughter, compassion, gratitude, joy, achievement, contribution, and personal wins, the experience is stored in long-term memory where it is accessible to new ideas and experiences. This leads to agile learning and creative. People are able to build on and adapt what they learn to new situations.

Tips for creating a culture of learning and growing

Teach people by sharing inspiring and humorous stories, relevant cartoons, identifiable and meaningful metaphors, and compelling examples. Information delivered with pleasurable and heartfelt emotions is quickly transferred into long-term memory. The facts may be lost, but the stories and the messages live on.

Make sure they know your intent is to help them achieve one of their desired goals. People listen to leaders who care about them and their futures. The most memorable leaders are those that helped us see we could do more than we thought was possible to achieve our goals.

Use a coaching approach. Be curious and ask questions as if you are learning too. Let them explain how they see their situations. As they tell their stories, ask about the desires, disappointments, and fears you sense they are feeling. Ask them what else could be true or possible. When you help them think for themselves, their blind spots come to light. The pleasure that goes along with discovery triggers a wave of brain activity.

Encourage trials and experiments. Praise effort as well as results. Learning is enhanced by practice, then they need praise to go the distance. Adults need approval and acknowledgment as much as children do. They also need a little room to learn from their mistakes.

If you want people to change and grow, be inspirational. Show you care about their future. Listen, and allow for mistakes. A learning culture produces smart, productive employees.

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