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7 Questions You Can Ask That Will Make You a Better Negotiator

Questions form the foundation for the exchange of information in a negotiation. To the degree you ask better questions, you’ll achieve greater negotiation outcomes. The following are 7 questions you can ask that will make you a better negotiator, and enhance the probability of your negotiation outcomes.

  1. Did you hear what you just said?

This question can be used to draw attention to a point that you wish to highlight. It can also serve as a distraction away from a point that doesn’t serve you.

  1. What’s the best outcome you’d like to see us reach?

This question gets at the heart of what the other negotiator would like   to see as a ‘best outcome’ situation, which gives you insight into his thought process.

  1. What’s most important to you in this negotiation?

Similar to question number 2, you’ll gain insight into the thought process of the other negotiator, which will give you a glimpse of how to negotiate with her. You’ll also get an idea of her priorities.

  1. What concerns do you have about this negotiation, this point, etc.?

This serves as a way to probe deeper into the mindset of the opposing negotiator per what he fears the most about the outcome of the negotiation. Observe his body language. If he says he doesn’t   have any concerns. Note if he sits back or leans forward as he’s speaking. If he leans forward, he’s more likely not to be concerned at that time. If he leans away, that could indicate he does have concerns, he might not want to share them with you at that time.

  1. What can we do to get past this impasse?

By getting his perspective, you gain a sense of how you might unravel the impasse. If you can adopt his suggestions, to the degree they serve you, you’ll be granting him the outcome he wants. That means he’ll buy into it. Remind him that you’re following his suggestions if he balks later.

  1. Why is that so important?

First, be observant of your tone when posing this question. Your tonality might be perceived as the matter being trivial. If it possesses true value to her, you don’t want to give the impression that it’s not a big deal, especially if it is to you. By doing so, she could say, okay, then give it to me. That would leave you in a weakened position.

  1. What can I do to make things right?

Be very cautious when asking this question. You don’t want to open the floodgates by allowing the other  negotiator to ask for the moon and you not be able to grant the request. On the opposing side, once again, you get a sense of what it might take to make it better, which means you can choose to grant some or none of the requests.

As you can see, the questions you pose during a negotiation set the tone and pace of the negotiation. The questions above can be strategically used during a negotiation to direct or redirect the negotiation in a particular direction that serves your purpose. To do so, use the questions in the order that are best suited for your purpose based on when a particular question is needed. If you do this masterfully, you’ll leave the negotiation with more gains than you otherwise might have had … and everything will be right with the world.

 

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

 

 

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Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Skills Women In Business

The Missing Piece in Mentoring

 

Mentorship, sponsorship, advocacy… call it what you will, but it needs to go beyond the perfunctory semi-annual meeting to discuss career goals. For most people in that kind of relationship, it probably does, but does it extend to seeking, offering or accepting guidance on the way someone speaks? This is a huge factor in developing executive presence. Short of generically suggesting that someone work on his or her communication skills as is commonly referenced on the annual review, leadership communication tends to be a major missing link.

So what are some of the things to look for in the leadership communication skills in your mentee, and how can you help them work on those areas?

Communication Skills to Look For

Let’s start with content. When presenting information to senior leadership, employees frequently tend to provide too much detail – or “get lost in the weeds,” as they say. Recognize that this is often because they want to convey the thoroughness of their efforts and thought processes, and justify any findings or recommendations that they provide. Reassure them that they’ve been given the opportunity to present this work because they already have the benefit of the doubt that they are qualified and capable, and their results are trustworthy, so get to the point.

Sometimes the challenge is not the quantity of the content, but the level of diplomacy that is used – or missed, as the case may be.

On the one hand, maybe they tend to be conflict-averse, getting tongue-tied at the idea of having to confront someone directly. If so, they often need help finding the words to frame critical feedback in a way that doesn’t beat around the bush, but still allows them to prioritize their relationship without upsetting the other person.

On the other hand, they may have a reputation of being excessively blunt, and come across as unnecessarily combative or defensive. They may need help understanding how their choice of words and delivery (see below) are harmful to their short-term discussion goals and long-term career interests. Then, they will also need alternative framing suggestions to help get their point across without alienating people in the process.

Getting more into the delivery, the ability to show poise and “grace under fire” are often demonstrated by how they control the pace of their speech. Does it sound like one giant run-on sentence? When speakers can articulate their thoughts in finite sentences, like when writing, they sound more in control. They “own” their material. Even if they are fast talkers, something as simple as remembering to pause, just for a second after each point, allows the listeners’ brains to catch up with their ears and digest the last point.

Another problem is that modern social patterns have popularized a bad habit known as “up-speak” or “up-talk,” which is where people sound like they’re always asking a question? At the ends of all their phrases and sentences? Even when they’re not? Which gets really annoying, you know?

The irony is that most people don’t realize when they do it – and it is just as prevalent in men as in women, and in Baby Boomers as in Millennials, contrary to popular belief. It doesn’t even sound like they are interested in what they’re saying… and if their own content doesn’t interest them first, why would it interest anyone else?

So if you are mentoring someone, formally or informally, start listening for some of these patterns. Neglecting to address these issues can undermine all the helpful and well-intended guidance you are otherwise offering.

And if you really want to challenge yourself, remember that taking steps to improve the effectiveness of your own leadership communication is mentoring by example.

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Do you have trouble determining which of these patterns or others are negatively influencing someone’s image or reputation? Are you unsure of how to talk to them about it, or how to help them improve? Or do you have other questions or feedback about this issue? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Best Practices Growth Management Personal Development

Motivation and Feedback

I lied. In the last article, Motivation and Growth, I said that it was the final article in the motivation series. But in fact, this is the last article in the motivation series and also the shortest. To read all the articles in the series go to http://csnetworkadvis.staging.wpengine.com/advisor/sharon-smith/

Last and definitely not least when it comes to motivating those around you, is feedback and recognition. Do you realize that most people go through their day not getting feedback, praise, or recognition, not even at home or from those they love? Praise and recognition differentiates us from animals; it is something we crave and something that drives us to do more and do better. Feedback, both positive and critical is how we improve and grow.

Let’s first look at praise, recognition, and positive feedback. These are often overlooked because many leaders assume that their employees know when they have done a good job and as such don’t provide what’s actually a big piece of motivation.

This can be for something as small as a quieter employee speaking up at a meeting or a more talkative employee staying quiet while others share, as much as it can be for bigger accomplishments. This can be done in front of others or in private. That is best decided based on the individual and what they prefer. It’s about knowing your people because when you know the people you work with at their deepest level, you know who craves public attention and who prefers a quiet “thank you” or “job well done.”

Constructive critical feedback is also important and all to often saved for that dreaded annual appraisal or evaluation. In these one-time-a-year evaluations, feedback is often limited to what is remembered and often too late in the game to fix problems. If I don’t know that I have offended someone or I don’t know that my approach is not well received, how can I fix it?

Have you ever received feedback that sounds something like “people have been complaining about you for the last few months” or “that email you sent two months ago really ruffled a lot of feathers”? That feedback needs immediate action and you are doing your employees a disservice if you wait too long to provide it. If they are damaging their reputation through their approach they deserve to know it and have the opportunity to fix it as early as possible.

I know you might be thinking that giving critical feedback is difficult or uncomfortable. Yes, it definitely can be, so let me share a technique with you to help. It’s called “the sandwich method.” You start by setting time aside to have the conversation in a place that is private. The conversation starts with the good stuff, what they have done well, what you have enjoyed seeing them accomplish, what you are proud of. The positive feedback, praise, and recognition I was talking about.

Then you transition to what you want them to work on, improve on, and know about. This is the critical feedback that they need if they are going to improve and grow. You ask them for their input, ask them how they feel they can make the changes necessary, and get their buy-in. Then you end the conversation on another positive note, another piece of praise or even bringing up the first item again. You want them to leave the conversation on a positive note.

Remember: people cannot fix what they do not know about, and you are not tapping into their motivations when you don’t allow them to improve. They also crave praise and when you can combine a healthy dose of praise with the right amount of constructive critical feedback you will be known as the leader that everyone wants to work for and your employees will be motivated to do good work for the long run.

For more resources please visit www.c-suiteresults.com where you will find articles, video, and audio content to help you get better results and find the edge you are looking for. Questions and comments are always welcome at sharon@c-suiteresults.com

 

 

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Best Practices Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

Persistence — in Negotiations

Sunday Message of Hope

“Persistence”

How focused and persistent are you about being successful in your life?

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later…. “Da-ad….” “What? “I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later: “Daaaaad..” “WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??” “I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!” Five minutes later..

“Daaaa-aaaad…..” “WHAT!” “When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”

That story highlights the persistence the little boy had for reaching his goal of getting a glass of water. It also highlights the consequences he was willing to endure (spanking) to get the glass of water. What are you willing to endure?

I suggest, if you’re willing to persevere and apply the degree of dedication that’s needed to succeed, along with applying the correct knowledge to do so, you can achieve almost any goal you set your mind upon. Your success really is up to you. Be it in a negotiation (you’re always negotiating) or other aspects of life, commit to the action needed to reach your goals, no matter what that goal may be. If a goal is worth the outcome, it’s worth the effort required to reach it. If you’re persistent and follow your commitment with action, you’ll be better for it no matter where you end up, because you will have gained insight about your abilities to move towards a goal … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!  

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Best Practices Growth Management Skills Women In Business

Turning a Faux Pas into a Win

The other day I was doing a training on leadership communication for a large client in the communication technology industry. Among their many products and services are video and teleconferencing tools. In the course of my program, we got to the part about facilitating virtual meetings, and as I clicked to the next slide, I suddenly heard a couple of boos from the crowd. I look up and realized my gaffe: my default visual was an image of people chatting on Skype – a direct competitor.

Now I had a choice to make: I could flush beet-red, babble a string of mortified apologies, and run out of the room in humiliation, or I could turn it around and make it a “teachable moment.” I opted for the latter, and explicitly shared this very choice with the group.

“Actually, I’m glad this happened, because it allows me to demonstrate some additional strategies in leadership communication, rather than just talking about them.”

From there, I walked them through a sequence of steps, both in addressing my personal mistake, and narrating the conscious strategy behind each step I was taking in the process. I share it with you here, so that you can also learn from my mistake, and use the experience to your advantage, as I did.

First, I apologized. I had made an undeniable, objective mistake, and it was my responsibility to own it. My voice stayed even in speed and volume to indicate composure, and model the degree of drama that I believed was warranted by the situation, so they could follow suit.

Second, I briefly explained my original intention behind the mistake, providing just enough information to help them understand what happened and increase empathy. In this case, at the time I selected these images, my focus and biggest challenge was finding appropriate pictures with sufficiently high resolution so I could zoom it on the slide and still have the picture be in sharp focus for the best visual experience, which limited my options based on the images I found on-line.

Third, I offered a solution to the problem, and engaged the audience in helping me to solve it. “Let me offer this to you in return: From here on out, I will replace these two images with your products instead, and have them be the standard images when I present to other companies in the future. How does that sound?” I saw lots of head nods in the audience. Free advertising for them; who wouldn’t appreciate that?

Then I followed up with, “But I’m going to need a little assistance. Since I wasn’t able to find good, high-resolution images of (Product X) online, I need one of you to send me some. Who here will volunteer to send them to me?” Half a dozen hands shot up in the air. Now, not only had I offered an agreeable solution, but I had enrolled the client’s enthusiastic participation in helping me execute the decision. Now we were partners, sharing in the responsibility to achieve the desired outcome.

At the end of the day, one woman said, “I really wanted to see where you were going to go with it once that (competitor) image popped up, but you handled the whole situation perfectly! I’m so glad we got to go through the process with you.”

In the end, what matters most is how you respond in the moment. Keep your composure, acknowledge the error, apologize appropriately, give only as much explanation as is necessary (sometimes none), then offer a remedy and see it through. This enables you to maintain control of the situation and lead by example, which helps you to build (or rebuild) trust, reinforcing your image and reputation as a leader.

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

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Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Personal Development

You May Not Be As Influential As You Think Are

Click here to watch You May Not Be As Influential As You Think You Are

Today’s fast-paced business environment requires leaders who can create influence others with sound communication practices.  In today’s world of emails and text messages, it’s easy to overlook the importance of face-to-face communication and the discipline required to be influential Monday to Monday®.

How you deliver determines whether or not others see you as credible, knowledgeable and trustworthy. Without doing this effectively, you inhibit your potential to: influence, increase profits and build a reputation you’re proud of Monday to Monday®.

Message take-aways

  • What influence is and what it is not.
  • What it means and takes to be influential Monday to Monday®
  • Sabotaging your influence without knowing it
  • What are the misperceptions of influence?

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Best Practices Growth Management Personal Development

Motivation and the Big Picture

In the first article on motivation we explored how to motivate your team and then we dug deeper on the topic of alignment. In this article we explore the second way to tap into your teams motivation with the big picture.

You’ve already heard me talk about internal and external motivation so let’s look at how the big picture can help your team internalize their motivation to enhance productivity and results.

The fact that most people are motivated by more than just money is even truer today because Millennials are more commonly driven by purpose. This is important because this diverse and well-educated group is expected to make up 36% of the U.S. workforce by 2018 and nearly half of all workers by 2020. For you to have the best of the best employees and stay competitive in this ever-changing marketplace, this is a group you want to take seriously, whether you have been running your organization for a long time or are an emerging leader.

Your workforce wants to know where they fit into the big picture, what the organizations goals and mission is, and that their work has purpose. Punching a clock or showing up to do a job with no meaning is not going to cut it anymore. Your most loyal, dedicated, and hard working employees will be the ones that understand and believe in the purpose of their role in the organization.

The message on purpose starts with you helping to ensure everyone understands the big picture, the purpose of the organization; what the organization set out to accomplish and why. What is the reason the organization was founded in the first place, who did the founders want to serve, and why? If you, as a leader of your organization cannot articulate this it may be time to re-visit the mission and vision. These statements should be more than just plaques you hang in the lobby or around the office; they need to be beliefs that people can understand and be part of. But they have to be easy to articulate and understand for everyone in your organization for them to be meaningful.

Once the big picture is communicated, it needs to be included in conversations on a regular basis so that your employees will start to work towards that mission, because they are part of something bigger than themselves. However, for this to be true they need to continue to hear the mission, its importance, and how they are helping make this happen. There are many times when an employee does not understand the direct link between his or her job and the bigger picture. With each role, each task, each project, continue to communicate and teach others to communicate why the work is important to the big picture, why it has purpose.

Encourage these types of conversations among the ranks; it should become a viral conversation that anyone can have at any time about the purpose, mission, and vision of the organization. The more people truly feel the connection to something bigger, something important, the more they will dedicate themselves to serving that purpose. And once they start to internalize this purpose you have made the important shift from external motivation to internal, which is the most important type of motivation to move people forward.

For more resources visit www.c-suiteresults.com where you can find articles, videos, assessment tools, books, and the C-Suite Success Radio show. To discuss purpose and motivation in more detail reach out to sharon@c-suiteresults.com

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Best Practices Growth Human Resources Management Personal Development

Eve of Disruption – Future of Work – People

Are you providing the environment and support for your employees to be ready for the changing environment of the Future of Work?

Last week, I wrote about the high level impacts and components that are impacting the future of work.  This week, we will explore your employees, that are following the path to have a stable work career but are being affected by the rapid change in the way we live, work and play.

Life expectancy is growing at a rapid rate with health and technological advances.  For the boomers and many in the X-generation, the path forward was having one career, in a specific function or company which was very linear.  However, the work environment and how individuals think have changed the trajectory of what a career looks like.  As a leader, you adapt to change through your own motivations and drive to sustain and move your company forward. This mindset is not shared by most of your employees or staff.  They are there for a stable JOB to support their families and lifestyles.  As a leader, as change happens and employees no longer have the skill(s) set to run your company, you displace them. The impact on these individuals is devastating, emotionally and financially.  These employees were taught to do good work and stay in one place to provide continuity for their companies and stability for themselves.

These employees have developed a loyalty to your company, as each year goes by.  They also get comfortable with the status quo and are probably the least adaptable to change.  Their engagement is high if you don’t make massive changes but they are also the biggest dissenters as they feel the pressure of their little world crumbling away.  However, leaders need to think about keeping them and engaging them as they move forward.  Loyalty is something you can’t buy through a paycheck.  It happens over time through years of working, in a company, that supports the employee’s motivations for working. Relationships solidify the loyalty through understanding the individual and stability over the years.  As we know, in today’s day and age, the younger generation does not stay in one company or job very long and they are in fact, guided to have multiple experiences, so they are well rounded.  The boomers and X-generations were always taught to be in one place otherwise you don’t have the ability to follow through and be a good worker.  So, they put their heads down and stuck around and in turn became complacent. However, many of them are still great workers but don’t have the motivation or understanding of how to change to keep up with the times.  They are soft wired in how they think and you have the ability to impact their mindset.

In high school and college, we had school counselors who helped us navigate our skill sets, likes and subjects.  We would take tests to understand what we were good at and what subjects we would need to take to have certain types of jobs.  This counselor was separate from the person in the main office that would deal with school issues, attendance, etc.  Their sole purpose was to help guide us as we took a step forward on our path (not all of them were good!)   As we adapt to the future of work, we need to look at the structure of our companies and make some drastic changes.  Now, everything to deal with an employee sits in HR.  However, HR has become a very process driven organization versus a human driven organization.  Due to the nature of laws, there are so many policies in place that everyone becomes a box and can’t bring their entire self to the organization. (This is a whole other topic for another day.)   There is no one in HR or a company, that truly works with individual employees to look at the future of their career in a company and helps them adapt.

Companies should be creating a new department with work counselors.  Their sole purpose is to work with employees as movement happens in the market and therefore inside the company.  The counselors work with individual employees to understand what skill sets they currently have and match them to future roles.  In the meantime, as new roles are being created these employees are trained by the company with the support of keeping their job if they can adapt, to their new stability.  This allows the loyal and experienced employee to continually be engaged with the company and not miss a beat.  This creates a deeper sense of purpose for the individual and provides the benefit of prior knowledge and a cost savings to the company.  Instead of spending the money looking externally for the skill set you build the skill set in house with the right employees that you can train to do new and different jobs based on their prior skill set and personality.  Employees want their employers to support this on their journey versus going about it alone. As business leaders, we know the change is coming and need to bring the human element to our employees.  Employees are beginning to understand their own paths and if a company can support them in their journey they will benefit.  Take advantage of loyalty, experience, cost savings and a powerhouse of knowledge right in your backyard to move your company forward as the future of work manifests for each of us.

What programs and processes do you have in place to help support navigating your employees to the future?

 

Eve of Disruption – A weekly series depicting what the future fabric of our society could look like and ideas that could propel your company forward. There is a changing paradigm in how we live, work and play. Are you and your organization moving with the times and adapting to the massive and rapid changes happening right now? The Eve of Disruption looks at ideas that could be 5 – 10 years in the future but most likely will happen in the blink of an eye.

Contact Urvi for a free 30 minute consultation to see how she could infuse the innovation mindset into your organization and help you move to the future.

#jointhejourney

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Best Practices Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

How to Avoid Conflict – Part 1

At some point or other, we all have to have important conversations that have the potential to get ugly and uncomfortable. When in doubt, I say do your best to avoid the conflict.

I’m not talking about avoiding people in the hallways, refusing to answer the phone or saying “yes” to everyone – whether or not you mean it – so that you don’t have to say “no.”

There will always be disagreements and necessary discussions about difficult or unpleasant topics. But these conversations do not need to degenerate into round after round of browbeating to try to get your point across.

Ideally, the goal is to address the issue in a way that gets to the heart of the matter, and reaches a mutually agreeable resolution quickly and efficiently without raising voices or blood pressure. There is one intuitive – and yet commonly overlooked – key that can keep most disagreements in the realm of civil, productive discussion.

The key is consciously listening to understand. This is where most people fall woefully short in both their efforts and their outcomes. Listening to understand is critical to avoiding real argument for one crucial reason: most people continue to argue a point because they feel like they have not truly been heard or understood.

Most people think that they listen, but the short answer is that they don’t do it right. Let’s look at the difference and key strategies for listening in a way that gets to a peaceful, positive, and productive result.

 

Listening “wrong”

In disagreements, most people “listen” in order to find an opportunity to interrupt, contradict, or defend. This isn’t sincere listening; it’s more like scanning the horizon for the best time to retaliate.

When both parties are simultaneously focused proving why they are correct and the other is wrong, what they are both (rightfully) saying is, “You’re not listening to me!”

This quickly leads to an impasse with one of two outcomes: The first is that both sides leave feeling frustrated, with no resolution to the issue at hand. In the second, one side “wins” by forcing the other side to concede, i.e. lose. This leaves the winner with a bitter-sweet “victory,” and the loser feeling resentful, a combination that will have a variety of negative repercussions down the line in the form of morale, work quality, and office politics just to name a few.

The irony is that when people are able to voice their concerns, and truly feel like they have been heard and understood, they are often willing to accept “no” for an answer. So how does that work?

 

Listening “right”

When you listen to understand, you start by erasing any presuppositions and assumptions that you already know what they’re going to say and why. Instead, you enter the conversation from the perspective that there’s a missing piece, something you don’t yet know or understand about their position, priorities, interests or concerns. Be curious.

Invite the other person to share first. A good strategy is to take notes as you listen, which serves several purposes. First, you can record any key points so that you don’t forget them, which serves as a good future reference resource.

Second, you can jot down any questions or other thoughts you want to share. Don’t get me wrong – the idea is not to list all the points you disagree on just so you can launch into a point-counterpoint debate when it’s your turn to speak. That feels litigious, not collaborative or respectful.

Writing down your ideas as you listen has a variety of benefits. First and foremost, it keeps you from interrupting. When people aren’t interrupted, they feel more respected and less stressed or frustrated, which helps to keep the peace. But it also gives you a chance to reflect and organize your thoughts before you do finally speak, which can streamline the process, avoid clumsy and emotionally-charged knee-jerk responses, and help you prioritize issues to address.

 

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In part 2 we’ll address Talking from Listening: once you’ve heard them out, what do you say to keep things moving in the right direction?

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

Categories
Best Practices Health and Wellness Human Resources Management Marketing Skills Women In Business

How to Avoid Conflict – Part 2

In my previous blog, we looked at the difference between “Listening Wrong” and “Listening Right” as a part of “Listening to Understand,” a fundamental principle in laying the ground work to have a potentially difficult conversation in a way that is constructive rather than combative.

Now, let’s look at strategies for when it’s your turn to talk, after you have successfully demonstrated listening to understand. 

Once the other person has finished sharing their perspective, don’t sabotage the exchange by launching into a “now it’s my turn to talk and your turn to listen” monologue. Remember that you entered the conversation with the initial goal of understanding their perspective. So the first step you need to take in line with this goal is to confirm your understanding.

A great segue can be as simple as, “Thanks for taking the time to explain that to me. I want to make sure I understand the key issues. Can I run through my main takeaways based on what I heard, and you can correct me if I’m off somehow?” Who would say no to such a request?

Once you have the go-ahead, start by paraphrasing your understanding of their key points. You should use simple, reporting language such as, “You said that your budget _____,” or “Did I understand correctly that in your department _____,” or “Your primary concern is that _____, right?” Whatever you do, do not comment on anything yet.

This step also serves multiple purposes with mutual benefits. From the other person’s side, they are happy to know that you are valuing their input enough to take time to ensure that you understood it. Plus, it is reassuring for them to have you confirm that whatever they said was received as it was intended. This builds trust and facilitates further discussion.

More importantly, paraphrasing this way ensures that you actually did understand all of their key points. Misunderstandings could be due to missing or improperly stated information in their initial explanation, or perhaps you were writing something down and didn’t catch something else they said at the time.

Regardless of the cause, once you have had a chance to confirm the facts, then everyone is satisfied that all key information is on the table, and, most importantly, they feel relieved to know that they have been heard and understood.

From there, you can transition into sharing your side of the story with something like, “Okay, well, let’s start with _____.” It’s important to keep your language objective, and if you feel like their view on something is incorrect, keep your explanation fact-based, calm and impersonal. There’s a big difference between saying, “There are a few details I don’t think your team is aware of,” and, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

If the other person does not play by the same rules and interrupts you when it’s your turn, you can explicitly draw their attention to the contrast and make a respectful request: “I’m sure you’ll have some comments and questions, which I welcome, but I listened to you without interrupting, and would appreciate the same courtesy in return.” You can offer them some paper to take notes on while they listen, for their own benefit, and ask them to paraphrase what they understood when you’re done, so they can follow your model more completely as well.

At best, once you have heard each other out, and truly sought to understand each other’s objectives and reasons, you can come to a solution that meets everyone’s needs. But at the very least, if the answer still has to be “no,” there is still potential for positive outcome.

At that point, “no” can sound more like, “I truly appreciate the fact that/your concern about ___. For now, we have to prioritize _____ because of _____, but I understand the impact that it will have on your situation, so…”

Even though the other person might not be happy with the immediate result, it’s much easier for them to accept the outcome because they understand why, and are emotionally satisfied that they have been respected as a person and a professional.

In the end, difficult topics are addressed productively without fighting and casualties of war, and respectful relationships are not only maintained but strengthened. You’re not avoiding the issue, you’re avoiding creating a mess.

More importantly, you’re leading by example, and fostering a healthy culture of open communication, transparency, and mutual respect.

That’s the difference between someone who has a leadership position, and someone who is a leader.

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!