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Author: Katherine Sellery

Katherine Sellery, CEO and Founder of Conscious Parenting Revolution, helps individuals minimize misunderstandings and melt-downs in order to communicate with more collaboration, cooperation, and consideration.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

3 Steps to Defuse Any Fight with Your Kid

Has your home turned into a warzone? For many parents, after long months of being stuck indoors—sharing the same space for work, school, home, and recreation—the pressure might be building to a boiling point. Add in the worry and stress many families are feeling this holiday season, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

When a disagreement hits the boiling point, things get ugly. There’s screaming, crying, swearing . . . and that’s just the parents. And after it’s all over, we often feel ashamed and regretful. It’s only then that we remember we’re supposed to be the adults in the room.

That “out of control” feeling isn’t your fault. In the moment, when your child’s just done something that drives you nuts, your emotions get the best of you. But when you’re running hot, you don’t act like the parent you want to be. And that’s because you may not have the right tools to be able to respond instead of react.

First, take a breath. Find some compassion for yourself, and forgive yourself for that behavior you’re not proud of. None of us are perfect. When you show kindness to yourself, you model that kindness for your children, too.

Then, follow this 3-Step ACTion Plan next time you find a discussion going south. It can help you prevent a difficult situation from accelerating into a full-fledged meltdown.

Acknowledge your kid’s feelings and needs

Children often have a hard time naming the emotions that they’re feeling. Ask them leading and compassionate questions. If your kids are fighting over a toy, for example, ask: “Are you feeling angry that your sister took your toy without permission?” Their answer will help you understand their response and give clues about how to remedy the situation.

Communicate

Once you validate their feelings and identify the unmet needs that drive the feeling, check in with them to be sure they feel understood before switching to wanting to share your perspective and expecting them to hear you. Failing to do this may result in them tuning you out!

We all want to turn it into a teachable moment and explain why certain behaviors are not acceptable with more depth than “Because I said so.” Knowing that the teachable moment is NOT at the time of the issue is VERY important. It is okay to explain to your child that hitting their sibling is hurtful and doesn’t fix the problem of the swiped toy—or resolve the anger they’re feeling.  AND you get that it would really help them to practice some skills before these kinds of flashpoints occur so that there is more choice for them to respond differently.

My experience is that the key is to teach the skills for self-regulation in heated situations more than lecturing them; most kids know already that hitting isn’t okay. The issue is more about tools for impulse control when they are experiencing high emotions.

Target another option

Ask your child to help identify a solution to the problem at hand. Maybe your children can agree to take turns sharing a favorite toy. If you catch your teenager sneaking out to meet their friends, maybe you help them find a safe space for a socially distant hangout instead of sending them straight to their room. The goal is to build your child’s ability to objectively problem-solve and to let them know that the two of you are on the same team. Solo problem-solving is rarely effective. Collaboration sets the tone for your child to feel that you’re invested in them meeting their needs and want to find a solution that meets your needs too—but not at their expense of getting to meet theirs.

Learning to defuse disagreements is challenging, and it requires commitment and effort to overcome your own emotional response. But the 3-Step ACTion plan can help both parents and children learn to treat each other with love and respect.

If you’re looking for more tips on maintaining a peaceful household, download my free ebook, 7 Strategies to Keep Your Relationship with Your Kids From Hitting the Boiling Point.

Feel free to download the ebook here: www.consciousparentingrevolution.com/products/ebook

P.S. If the 3-Step ACTion plan resonated with you, be sure to grab the ebook for even more parenting advice!

Categories
Best Practices Growth Health and Wellness Leadership

Feeling anxious? This Can Help.

Remember your child as a baby? When they accidentally hit their head on the side of the crib or get startled awake by a loud noise? Seconds tick by slowly as you wait for the sound of that gulp for air — usually followed by a piercing cry.

Breathing: it’s probably the most hard-wired, involuntary function we do as human beings. Every creature, great or small, breathes. Breathing gives us life, and we don’t even have to think about doing it — you inhale and exhale as reflexively as your heart beats in your chest.

But despite the fact that breath keeps us alive, we tend to take it for granted.

The Harvard Business Review and the Yale News both recently conducted studies revealing the effectiveness of SKY Breath Meditation, a breathing modality that engages the parasympathetic nervous system — the part of your brain that controls rational thinking, gives you a sense of calm and provides balance in stressful situations. Participants in both studies reported a better sense of well-being and mental health after just two days of practicing the methods.

As someone who has been trained in SKY Breath Meditation for 10 years, I can attest that breath does so much more than supply your body with oxygen. The way you breathe can have a big influence on how you feel and experience the world.

If you’ve been stressed, depressed, or overwhelmed — by current events, the holiday season, or your kid’s insistence on listening to “Baby Shark” on repeat — you’re not alone.

Here are some tips to help you literally catch a breather (share them with your child too!):

  • Deeper inhales and longer exhales. What happens when your child cries? Their breaths turn to hiccups. The same thing happens when we feel stressed or sad. When you start breathing rapidly, consciously focus on taking deep inhales and long exhales. Count to 4 for inhales, 8 for exhales (or as close as you can comfortably get). The fog in your brain will clear up in seconds.
  • Do some quick, light stretching. Pressured by deadlines at work and the mounting pile of laundry at home? Take 5 minutes for a quick stretch break. Full-body activities like a yoga sun salutation get your blood flowing with good oxygen and help relieve stress.
  • Carve out time for meditation. Ten minutes is ample time for you to feel the positive effects of your breathing/meditation practice. Don’t have 10 minutes? Take 2 minutes, if that’s what you have. Find a quiet spot to sit in and breathe deeply. Check out our work with America Meditates by Art of Living.

Learning to control your breath can help rid your body of stress and flood you with positive energy. Not only will you feel more in control of yourself, but you’re also providing an excellent model for your children about the importance of self-care.

Supportive breathing is just one technique for becoming the parent you want to be. If you’re interested in true parenting transformation check out the 90 Day Parenting Reset Program (coming soon).

P.S. My episode with ThePedsTalk Podcast hosted by Mona Amin, is live! We had a great conversation, so give it a listen and share with a parent who needs to hear it!

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness

Does Yelling at Your Kid Work?

Stop me if you’ve ever been in a situation like this one. . .

 

You’ve had a long day—the kind where nothing seems to go right. Now, when you’re supposed to be enjoying family time, your kids will not stop bickering over the most insignificant things. 

 

While they’re arguing over who can drink their water faster, you realize that you’ve finally had enough. You interject, pleading with them to stop because you’re afraid one of them might choke—and, let’s be honest, you just want a little peace and quiet.

 

Then it happens. Your sweet child turns to you and says, “Shut up, Mom.” 

 

That’s your trigger. You take a deep breath and start yelling your head off. You’re human and you yell because you feel so disrespected, and it’s been such a hard day. . . a hard week. . . a hard month. . . a hard year!

 

You’d never yell at a friend, or a coworker, or a neighbor, so how could you possibly have it in you to yell at your child?

 

Understanding Why Parents Yell

There are several reasons why parents yell at their children. It could be:

  • an attempt to get your child to literally hear or listen to you
  • a way of asserting dominance
  • because you simply lost your temper

But unless you’re shouting in a crowd to get your child’s attention, yelling is never the best way to accomplish your parenting goals.

 

In my TEDx Talk, The Rebellion Is Here – We Created it, We Can Solve It, I talk about the external locus of control or the thought process of using rewards and punishments to control behavior. When parents turn to controlling forms of discipline—like yelling—they’re relying on external factors to create what they believe will be well-behaved children.

 

If you’ve fallen into this trap before, give yourself some grace. Most people resort to this method of thinking, particularly in moments of stress. But it isn’t effective, and it certainly doesn’t lead to “better” behavior.

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Overcoming the Instinct to Yell

Just as there’s an external locus of control, there’s an internal locus of control. The internal locus of control addresses underlying, unmet needs. It’s not about what’s happening on the outside; rather, it’s about everything going on inside that is causing undesirable behavior.

 

When children act out, it’s often their way of expressing an unmet need. This same logic can be applied to a parent who acts out by yelling, too.

 

You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t think logically when you’re completely mentally drained. Yelling or losing your temper is always a sign to check in with yourself, as a parent and as a person, to understand why you acted out.

 

As it turns out, yelling or other controlling forms of discipline don’t stop this cycle. In fact, they actually lead to your child acting out more, through retaliation, rebellion, and resentment.

 

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Yelling can cause lasting psychological damage in children. And it never addresses the root of the problem. If you find yourself about to scream or shout, it’s probably best for everyone involved that you remove yourself from the situation and find a different outlet.

 

The next time you wind yourself up to yell, pause. Ask yourself how you might respond to that sort of discipline—and if it would cause you to change your behavior.

 

Instead, turn away, take a few deep breaths, and return to your child with a clearer head. You’ll have the opportunity to communicate with them in a manner that fosters security and connection.

 

At the end of the day, parents are all doing their best in difficult situations. But it’s important to remember that children are in that very same position. And when you find different ways of communicating with your child, it’s easier to remember that you’re both on the same team.

 

Love and Blessings,

Katherine
P.S. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone who understands. The Conscious Parenting Revolution has a network of supportive parents here to offer you solutions, or just a listening ear. Join our private Facebook Group today!

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Are You Raising a Spoiled Child?

When your child is giving you a particularly rough time, you might be tempted to compare them to the infamous Veruca Salt:

In the beloved children’s book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Veruca Salt embodies the cautionary tale of a spoiled child. One pony is not enough — she wants another one. As the Oompa Loompas sing:

Who do you blame when your kid is a brat?

Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?

Blaming the kids is a lion of shame

You know exactly who’s to blame:

The mother and the father

Yikes!

Many parents I work with are very concerned about somehow turning their kids rotten. But can being generous or indulgent to our kids really affect them negatively?

In order to tackle the issue of “spoiled kids,” we need to deconstruct the idea of a spoiled child. Here are some of the beliefs that often give parents the wrong impression about their own children:

  1. Children are inherently bad. When a child has a strong reaction to not getting their way — stomping, crying, screaming or giving you a whole lotta attitude — a parent will often reflexively call them ungrateful, disrespectful, or even spoiled rotten. While this behaviour is something parents should consciously address, calling a kid spoiled feeds the notion that kids are somehow evil in nature, which is absolutely untrue!
  2. The myth that kids + money = spoiled. Parents across varying income brackets, refuse to let their kids handle their own money because they’re afraid their kids will make bad choices or end up “spoiled.” On the contrary, allowing your kids some autonomy over their money can actually teach them valuable lessons about handling their finances in a healthy manner! Yes, they may make mistakes and spend some of their cash on a frivolous purchase — but that’s how they learn. Children are worthy of our trust and will only mirror what we teach them.
  3. Children will take advantage of your generosity. Again, are our kids human beings we love or little gremlins out to get us?! Children respond to what they receive from their caregivers. If we shower them with love, they’ll learn to shower others with love in return. Of course, parents need to understand that sometimes loving your kid means helping them set boundaries! Being truly generous means you know when something is no longer good for your child (i.e. too much candy, too much screen time, etc.) — and helping them hone healthier habits.

So what can we do to raise empathetic, loving children?

  • Cultivate an environment of gratitude. An attitude of gratitude starts with you. Make it a habit to go around the dinner table and ask everyone to name one thing they’re grateful for.
  • Expose your kids to different perspectives. If you’re worried that your kids might grow up entitled, expose them to different cultures and backgrounds. Understanding unfamiliar mindsets and upbringings is crucial to developing empathy in children.
  • Encourage them to give. Finally, let them experience firsthand the fulfillment and joy of giving. Ask them to make cards or cookies for friends or family, or have them help you drop off items for donation at a local charity.

Showering your child with love and real generosity cannot bring them harm. If you model healthy, generous, and loving behavior to your children, you’re doing the best thing you can for them: helping them grow up to be healthy, generous, and loving in turn.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness

How To Teach Your Child Good Sportsmanship

Have you heard of Ivan Fernandez?

Ivan is a Spanish cross country runner who has competed internationally in several long-distance running events.

He entered the global spotlight in 2013, not for winning a race—but for coming in second place.

During the race, Ivan was running behind Kenyan runner Abel Mutai. Abel was almost at the finish line when he became confused by some of the signage. He thought he had already won, so he stopped running.

Ivan was right behind him, and when he realized what was going on, he tried to yell to Abel to keep going.

Abel, however, didn’t understand Spanish. So Ivan took hold of Abel and pushed him to the finish line before crossing it himself.

After the race, a journalist asked Ivan why he did what he did. After all, he could have won the race. Ivan responded that there would be no honor in winning that medal. “What would my mother think of that?” he said.

Ivan Fernandez was a grown man at the time of this race. He wasn’t going home to his mother, who would punish him if he behaved in a less sportsmanlike fashion that day.

Nevertheless, when he choose kindness over his own competitive drive, he was thinking of his mom and all that she had taught him.

Talk about a parenting win!

 

Modeling Empathy with Your Child

We’re all trying to raise compassionate children. But there’s no playbook for all of life’s unexpected little situations that ask us to respond with empathy.

I’m sure Ivan’s mother never sat him down and said, “If you’re ever running an international race and the first place winner seems to think the race ended, the right thing to do would be to push him to the finish line and take second place.”

So how can you ensure that your child understands that sort of empathy and knows how to apply it from now through adulthood? The answer is simple: model it in your everyday life.

 

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Your child may not be running international races. . . yet! But maybe they play on local sports teams, or compete in a dance troupe, or take piano lessons. It’s important to help them understand that winning first place isn’t what’s most important.

This isn’t to say you can’t congratulate your child for a job well done. As a supportive parent, you want to share that joy with them. But, when you’re talking with them about their games or competitions, don’t let your dialogue focus on points scored or medals won.

 

Try saying, “It was so amazing how your teammate helped someone up after they fell.”

Or, “I noticed you cheering everyone on from the bench. That’s a big reason why you’re such a great teammate!”

And so on.

 

Fostering a Healthy Competitive Spirit  

 

If you have a child who is competitive, that’s great! Having a competitive side is a great tool for success. After all, Ivan Fernandez didn’t get to the point of running an international race without a competitive spirit.

But here’s the difference: Ivan knows that competition isn’t everything. He knows that there’s no honor in winning a medal because the first place runner got confused.

Teach your child that winning isn’t about dominating someone else. It’s about how they feel on the inside.

Keep in mind that lessons about empathy and competition don’t just take place on the sports field or in the dance studio. They can also occur while you’re playing board games, talking about current events, or simply navigating human relationships in general.

It’s always a good time to model empathy.

 

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. Scan the QR code below for a Needs Assessment Analysis!

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Categories
Growth Personal Development Technology

Should I Spy On My Child?

As the world becomes more technologically advanced, it’s getting easier than ever to invade each other’s privacy.

 

Features like location sharing combined with our phones’ ability to store every thought, post, or message we send make it possible to know what people are doing, thinking, or feeling at any given moment.

 

This gradual erosion of privacy has obvious implications for raising children—especially older kids and teenagers. Years ago, parents may have been able to glean information about their kids by eavesdropping on phone calls or searching their rooms. But nowadays, there’s a digital footprint for nearly everything.

Snooping on your kids can be tempting, especially when you feel out of the loop or have concerns about them, but is it ever an appropriate thing to do? Let’s talk about it.

 

What Feeds Parents’ Urge to Invade Their Children’s Privacy?

 

It’s natural for parents to worry about their kids. But there are times when those worries might feel more urgent. For example, maybe your teen seems more quiet or detached than usual, or they’ve started hanging out with a new group of friends who rub you the wrong way. You just wish they’d offer up more information so you could breathe a little easier.

 

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Nancy Darling, a psychology professor at Oberlin who has been studying adolescents for over 30 years, makes a distinction between routine disclosure and self-disclosure in parent/child relationships.

 

 

 

Routine disclosure covers the information that’s necessary for parents to do their jobs, like who their child will be with, where they’re going, and what time they’ll be home. On the other hand, self-disclosure covers less critical information, such as what a child talks about when they’re with friends.

 

The urge to invade privacy may appear when your child isn’t disclosing information in the way you feel is necessary.

 

But the reality is that parents and children are likely to disagree about what counts as a routine disclosure versus a self-disclosure. So it’s important to have an open dialogue with your kid so everyone is on the same page and can create shared boundaries and expectations.

 

You should both come to an agreement on what constitutes critical information and why you need to know it versus what your child can keep to themselves.

 

Including your child in these conversations gives them a sense of autonomy and choice and makes them less likely to feel that the questions you do ask are invading their privacy.

 

What Happens When Parents Invade Their Children’s Privacy? 

Once you’ve set boundaries and expectations together for what constitutes routine or self-disclosures, it’s important not to violate those boundaries. Unfortunately, invading your child’s privacy is one of the biggest parenting mistakes you can make.

 

Research has shown that invading a kid’s privacy will ultimately have a negative impact. When children feel their parents are overstepping, their response is often to lie or hide information.

 

The more your child hides information from you, the more you’ll feel compelled to overstep their boundaries. This cycle of distrust is unhealthy for your parent-child relationship and can potentially put your child in danger, since they’ll be less likely to disclose information when they really need help.

 

What Can Parents Do To Facilitate Trust with Their Children?

 

At the end of the day, one of the best things you can do for your relationship with your child is to build trust. Here are a few tips to create safe spaces that facilitate trust with kids:

 

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  • Keep private information private. Just because your child told you something, doesn’t mean you have the right to tell anyone else. Your child should feel secure in the fact that you respect their privacy.
  • Avoid punishment. If your kid fears that disclosing information will result in automatic punishment, they’ll feel less inclined to share that information with you, no matter how badly they might need your guidance.
  • Respect their autonomy. Kids as early as toddler age have a desire for autonomy. It’s never too early to start showing your child that you acknowledge and respect their need for independence. Practice backing off slightly when you can and paying attention to the boundaries they set.

The more you can show your child that they can trust you, the less you’ll have the urge to invade their privacy, and the more they’ll want to let you into their private lives.

 

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. If you’re looking for a supportive group of like-minded parents, I encourage you to join our private Facebook Group!

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Technology

How to Keep Your Kid’s Screen Time (and your sanity!) from Spiraling Out of Control

The scenario is all-too familiar.

You’re in an important Zoom meeting and need one gloriously uninterrupted hour to focus on work. Despite the fact that it’s 8 in the morning, you hand over the iPad to keep your kid entertained.

Or how about this one:

Your tween has stopped complaining that they’re bored and started spending all their free time scrolling on social media. It’s a struggle to get them to put down their phone at mealtimes.

Or even this:

You’re concerned about your child’s gaming habits. A hobby has become an obsession, and your kid seems to be gaming when you wake up in the morning and when you go to sleep at night. It’s getting harder to talk to them, and you wonder if their schoolwork is slipping.

I completely get it. Screen time is so easy and so entertaining. It’s designed to grab and hold our attention. And the longer we stay isolated and inside, the more time you and your kid are likely to spend in the glow of a phone, computer, tablet, or TV. It’s exhausting to keep antsy children occupied, especially when you’ve got work that needs to get done.

Is your family’s screen time spiraling out of control? How do you keep yourself from being overcome by guilt from allowing too much screen time? And how do we all keep our screens from destroying us mentally, emotionally, and even physically?

First, take a deep breath. Screens are not inherently evil, and you are not a bad parent for using them. You simply need to apply some conscious parenting to your family’s approach to screentime:

  1. Understand the media your kids use. You don’t have to feel like you’re making a deal with the devil every time you let your child use a screen. Instead of allowing devices to rule your life, take your power back by educating yourself about them. What shows/apps/websites/games do your children like to watch or use? Try to incorporate some educational and values-forming content in with the fun stuff and the fluff.
  2. Build-in interactive activities. Does your child love watching musicals? Schedule a family sing-a-long. Are they interested in drawing? Let them watch an art show and do some inspired drawing together afterward. You can even host a bake-off based on your favorite cooking show!
  3. Incorporate live face time. To encourage social interaction, suggest some online face time with relatives or friends. There are even apps out now that allow you to read a book with someone remotely.
  4. Structure hours. Work with your child, if they’re old enough for the discussion, to set reasonable and mutually agreed-to limits on screen time. Carve out time to go for a family walk or play some old-school board games. Try to build in electronic-free times and zones, especially around mealtimes and bedtimes.
  5. Make a co-parenting agreement. If you’re raising your kids with other caregivers, make sure you are all aware about screen time usage in each household. You may not implement the same schedules or limits, but keeping each other informed will eliminate confusion and foster effective communication.
  6. Model screen-free behavior. If you’re constantly scrolling or checking email, you can’t expect your kid to place much value on your warnings against screen time. Set guidelines for your family, not just for your kids — and make sure to adhere to the rules yourself!

As parents, we worry a lot about the issue of screen time and how too much of it might hurt our children. But at the end of the day, we have to realize that devices are just pieces of metal, and it’s up to us to use them for ill or for gain. As our children’s parents, what’s important is that we give them what a screen ultimately can’t: the love, attention, and support they need.

P.S. Gaming addiction is a very specific, and real, screentime concern. If you’re worried about your kid’s gaming habits, check out my free webinar with Cam Adair, founder of Game Quitters and a former video game addict.

Categories
Growth Personal Development

Dear Katherine: Self-Started Behavioral Change Doesn’t Seem to Be Working!

Hello, Conscious Parent! Welcome to “Dear Katherine,” a monthly Q&A with real-life parents/caregivers. If you’d like to submit a question of your own, email me at katherine@consciousparentingrevolution.com.

 

Dear Katherine,

 

My wife and I have been applying the Guidance Approach to Parenting discipline method to activate “self-started behavioral change” from within our 10-year-old daughter, which means we don’t reward or punish her for good or bad behavior.

 

Ever since, we’ve noticed our daughter becoming more aggressive—probably because she thinks she can get away with anything. She has always been prone to “flying off the handle” at the slightest provocation, but her reactions are getting so much worse. She’ll tell us to, “shut up,” or—even worse—lash out at us physically. 

 

What should we do? I know we’re making parenting progress, but this behavior feels very much like a setback.

 

Love,

Gutted Dad

 

Dear Gutted Dad:

 

My heart goes out to you and your wife. It’s difficult to see our children struggle, and more so when we feel we aren’t making enough progress no matter how hard we try.

 

But I want to offer you encouragement and reassurance: you are on the right track.

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The core principle behind self-started behavioral change is authenticity. Trying to change a child’s behavior through rewards or punishment is a form of subtle manipulation. “If you do your homework, you’ll be rewarded with ice cream. If you don’t don’t do your homework, you won’t be allowed to watch TV.”

 

This type of messaging tells kids that they should only be “good” to achieve an external reward. It encourages them to hide the “bad” and only show you the “good” to gain your love and affection. It can also activate the three Rs of retaliation, rebellion, and resistance.

 

The truth about behavior is actually quite scientific: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. When your daughter refuses to do her homework and throws a fit about it, that’s a consequence within itself.

The key here is to allow your kid to continue experiencing these natural “punishments.” Eventually she’ll realize that she’s only hurting herself when she exhibits certain negative behaviors.

 

Gutted Dad, these things take time. A Guidance Approach to Parenting won’t create ‘self-started behavioral change’ within your child overnight. But when it comes to aggressive language and behavior, I have one piece of advice to give: no one starts swinging from a chandelier!

Be sensitive to your daughter’s trigger points. Observe how and why she escalates from refusing to do her homework to yelling, “Shut up, Dad!” or hitting you. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Am I communicating effectively? Use the tools of empathetic listening and compassionate dialogue.
  • Is there an underlying unmet need I’m not addressing? Your daughter may be terrified of failing a class, worried she may disappoint you, in overwhelm. Maybe that’s why she’s not doing her homework.
  • Am I taking her feelings seriously? If she’s truly flying off the handle without provocation, it could be a symptom of an irritated nervous system. Kids that go from 0-100 at the drop of a hat never started at zero to begin with, they started at 90!  It’s best to consult with a medical professional.
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Gutted Dad, I know you feel like you’re experiencing a setback. But it’s all part of the journey you’re on. I encourage you to keep practicing the methods of conscious parenting. I promise you it’ll result in a better relationship with your child.

 

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. If you’re a parent who’s serious about developing a better relationship with your child of any age, join the FREE 5-Day Parenting Reboot. You’ll discover:

  • How to create well behaved, cooperative kids
  • How to overcome pandemic parenting setbacks
  • The real quick fix
  • How to reverse the disrespect pattern
  • How to get your children to listen

We’ll meet once a day for a one-hour Facebook Live where you’ll be able to submit your questions to get them answered. You’ll receive a workbook with daily activities and access to a private Facebook group for continued support and guidance. And if you upgrade, you can join me on ZOOM to customize your experience!

Categories
Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness

The Difference You Can Make: Grandma Sparky’s Blue Ribbon Campaign

When was the last time you felt truly appreciated?

No matter how much we do for our families and our communities, we’re all still hardwired to hold onto negative feedback more than positive feedback. That can be pretty damaging, especially considering that people are more likely to default to criticism than praise.

Even if criticism isn’t malicious, we often internalize it as reinforcement of our own insecurities. It’s true for adults—and it’s true for children, too.

That’s why it is so important that we let people know how much we value them and how much of a difference they make to us.

Grandma Sparky’s Blue Ribbon Campaign

I want to tell you about someone really special.

Grandma Sparky is a woman who, at 37 years old, contemplated suicide every day. On the surface, she had it all, but deep inside, she was struggling.

She knew what it was like to feel lost, desperate, and alone, so she harnessed that internal pain and transformed it into something beautiful.

She began reaching out in her community to teach others how to show their appreciation for one another, and eventually, the Blue Ribbon campaign was born.

 

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The Blue Ribbon campaign is a way to let people in your community know that they matter.

Each blue ribbon says, “Who I Am Makes A Difference” and is meant for somebody who makes a difference in your life. Then, that person gets two blue ribbons to distribute to people who make a difference in their life. . . and so on.

Who You Are Matters

You may already be aware that September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. According to the World Health Organization, one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds.

No matter who we are, we all need to be told that we make a difference to somebody else.

Unfortunately, we can’t undo the tragedies that have already occurred. What we can focus on today, however, is telling the people in our life that they matter. Grandma Sparky’s Blue Ribbon campaign allows you to do that in a tangible way that can easily be paid forward.

Who YOU are makes a difference.

Right now you can visit the Blue Ribbon campaign website and get 10 free blue ribbons. When you give someone a ribbon, make sure you give them two more so they can pay it forward to the people in their life who make a difference.

Who will you give your ribbons to?

 

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. If you’re a parent looking for a place to call home, join our private Facebook Group.  And if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please know help is available. You can contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7 for support.

Categories
Growth Personal Development

Parenting Rage is Real — Here’s How to Manage It

Can you relate to this scenario?

You wake up and spend 30 minutes coaxing your kid to get dressed for school while you rush to get ready for work.

They fight with you over what they want to wear, insisting on the same blue shirt they’ve worn every day this week.

You finally make it to the kitchen table for breakfast, only to have them refuse to take a single bite of food.

You try hard to keep your voice from rising, asking them nicely over and over again to please eat their breakfast.

“Eww, Mom, the yolk’s too runny.”

Snap.

You’re not sure if this anger has been bubbling up inside you for a while now or if you just woke up extra irritable today. But something inside you has broken in two.

Your heart pounds and your hands shake as you let out a desperate yell in response:

“FINE, GO AHEAD AND STARVE!”

Alas, parenting rage has reared its ugly head.

Parenting Rage Is Real

What you’re experiencing is legitimate—and more common than you think.

Rage is the uncontrollable, monstrous sibling of anger. It’s an emotion we’re all prone to feeling—whether or not we like to admit it.

No one wants to be the scary mom shoving her cart down a grocery store aisle with a crying kid behind her. But when we feel rage, our families often bear the brunt of it.

As parents and caregivers, it’s our job to provide a safe and loving environment for our kids—not traumatize them with our uncontrollable meltdowns. And yet, we’re imperfect human beings who get tired and stressed and lose our tempers once in a while.

So, what now?

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Managing the Fury You Feel

The good news is that parents and caregivers can take proactive steps to manage the fury we sometimes feel. Here are a few places to start:

Ask yourself, “what’s my unmet need?”

When we experience escalated feelings of stress, sadness, or anger, it’s because an unmet need has been continuously ignored or violated. It’s impossible to take care of your family’s needs when you yourself are drawing from an empty tank.

In the case of parental rage, sit with yourself for a moment and ask yourself what you really need. Are you stressed about work? Sleep deprived? Frustrated with your marriage? Perhaps you need your co-parent to step up and help out more with the kids.

Be aware of your triggers.

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What behaviors send you careening over the edge? I suggest keeping a trigger journal to observe words or actions that set you into a rage.

If you notice that back talk always gets your temper flaring, do some inner work to find out why. Is there something from your own childhood that makes you react so strongly to your kids having a different opinion from you?

Being aware of our triggers helps us deal with the negative emotions associated with them—and hopefully react better next time we find ourselves in a triggering situation.

Forgive yourself.

Yelling at your kid doesn’t make you a bad parent. It just means you’re human. Forgive yourself for the times you’ve lost your temper—and let your child know how sorry you are for your outburst. Move forward and commit to doing better next time.

Parenting rage may be real, but so is our love for our children. When we work on our own issues, we can learn to respond with gentleness and compassion instead of anger.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. If your rage has become unmanageable, please don’t hesitate to ask a professional for help. There’s no shame in needing additional support. The Conscious Parenting Revolution also has a network of supportive parents here to offer you solutions, or a listening ear. Join our private Facebook Group today!

P.P.S. Now more than ever, reducing stress and building community is key to health and wellness. As
a mom, you don’t have do it alone. You’re invited to join me, along with several other top experts on September 21st for a live, interactive event You’ve Got This Mama: Step Into Your Power, Rediscover Yourself and Be Amazing. It’s free too!
Join other moms who, just like you, seek practical solutions to everyday mom challenges.
You need to register to gain access and a ton of free gifts. Click HERE.