Category: Skills

Today I had a first session with a new client whose primary focus is public speaking. Her story is common: While she’s confident in front of her team, when addressing larger groups, high-stakes audiences or people she doesn’t know as well, her heart starts to race, her face gets flushed, palms sweat, and a whole litany of self-defeating “what if” scenarios race through her mind.

What if I forget what I want to say?

What if I make a mistake?

What if they’re not interested in my topic?

What if I don’t seem expert enough?

What if I can’t answer a question?

 This kind of self-destructive talk is what is referred to as “head trash.” It piles up, festers, and can become overwhelming if you don’t get rid of it.

So I said to her: “I’m going to tell you the secret to changing everything and speaking with confidence. It’s four little words, and I want you to write them down in big letters and tape it to your bathroom mirror, computer, refrigerator or anywhere you’ll see it regularly, got it?”

“Got it,” she said, and grabbed her pen.

Then I told her the secret: “IT’S…NOT… ABOUT… YOU.”

She finished writing it down, then stared at the paper, processing its meaning.

“Here’s the thing,” I explained. As a presenter, you’re now in customer service. Your job is to make sure that the audience has the best experience possible. Do you love your topic or at least think it’s really important? Share that passion with them, and help them understand it.

“Don’t worry about being self-conscious when making eye contact with people. Each person there wants to feel like you’re talking to them personally. Look at each person so they know that they matter to you, that they feel like they’re part of the event.

“When you go to hear a speaker, or when someone is talking to your team, are you sitting there silently evaluating them the whole time, waiting to catch them in a mistake, or are you just hoping that they’ll be interesting and give you some important information? Of course it’s the latter. You don’t want a speaker to fall flat; that makes everyone uncomfortable. You are subconsciously rooting for their success, because if they have a good speaking experience, you’ll have a good listening experience, and that’s your main interest. That’s exactly what your audience is hoping for too.

“How do you feel about that?”

“Truthfully?” she began, “As soon as you said that, I felt instant relief. If I just focus on taking care of the audience, then I’m not worrying about my own perfection, whatever that means. It suddenly feels like a very realistic, attainable goal. I can do this.”

With that, I encourage you to take out your “head trash,” and turn your attention to serving your audience. A good place to start is with the goal of being the speaker you’d want to listen to if you were in audience. Put them first, and you’re guaranteed to come out on top.

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Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

 

 

 

 

“Truth Versus Lie”

Have you ever been deceived, or lied to? The answer more than likely is, yes. When that occurred, how did you feel? Were you happy, elated, or overjoyed with a sense of exhilaration? Again, probably not.

Here’s the point, when we label an occurrence as a lie, it takes on a different meaning per the way we act, versus thinking of it as the truth. Nevertheless, in some situations, because someone has lied to us, we move towards a more positive outlook in our life but we don’t realize it at the time. Even though we may not know it at the time, that person has done us a favor. Now, I’m not suggesting that you seek to associate with those that lie to you to have them extend a favor. Instead, be mindful of the benefits derived from not being told the absolute truth about something, per the benefits it may hold for you. That may sound strange, but in life we get what we expect, so expect something good out of the situation.

The next time you catch someone in a lie, appreciate the fact that you’re seeing the person in a different light and be glad of that additional insight. You can use it to improve yourself, which might mean getting away from that person. If that turns out to be the case, you’ll be moving your life upon a path of future discovery and  be away from the environment that’s not serving as well otherwise … and everything will be right with the world.

What does this have to do with negotiations?

In a negotiation, deceit can reign supreme, as negotiators go about playing jet-eye mind tricks to position the other negotiator. It’s expected that neither will be so transparent as to disclose their full negotiation position. So, if it’s expected in a negotiation, and you’re always negotiating, why do you allow it to be permissible during a negotiation and not in other aspects of your life? The answer lies in the fact that you more than likely see one aspect, negotiations, as being something more formal than other aspects of your life. In essence, it’s the mindset you possess in one situation versus another. If that’s the case, and you’re the person controlling your mind, you can give the meaning of a lie a meaning that’s beneficial to you. That doesn’t mean you have to drop your guard, it means, be mindful and understanding of what you’re guarding. Do so … and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

I had the distinct honor and pleasure of coaching five Hero Club entrepreneurs in preparation for their pitch at the C-Suite Network Investors Summit in San Jose on September 11-12th. It was an exciting event and helping people with great ideas, products, and services tell their stories in a compelling way is one of my favorite parts of the job.

All five CEOs were terrific, poised and articulate with a solid pitch and great visuals, and they all reported being approached afterward by interested parties; what more could we ask for? But in retrospect, one pitch stood out uniquely, and offers a lesson about overcoming the odds and expectations, and why you should never underestimate anyone – including yourself.

David Williams is the CEO and superintendent of Village Tech Charter Schools in Cedar Hill, Texas, just outside of Dallas. Various people I spoke to after the fact confirmed that, before his presentation, there had been a general wondering about why a non-profit, specifically a Pre-K – 12 school, was pitching in Silicon Valley. At best, most admitted preliminary assumptions of it being something of a charity case, like when the older kids let the little one play with them, even though they know he’s not in the same league. There seemed to have been minimal expectations for his performance. Perhaps not so surprising was the fact that David himself later confessed to having similar concerns leading up to the event.

David may not be alone. How many times have you anticipated an event or opportunity with trepidation, based on feelings or concerns of inadequacy, of not belonging? Sometimes there’s a bit of the “Imposter Syndrome” that creeps in when surrounded by other highly expert, highly experienced, and/or highly reputed people. It might also occur if you’re just generally not comfortable presenting to large groups, if the event is particularly high-stakes, or if it’s your first time in the spotlight in a new context such as a conference presentation, in the media, or in this case, an investor pitch. The enormity of the pressure to perform and succeed in the public eye is enough to make most people’s hands shake – even if only a little.

But to David’s credit, he rose to the occasion and proved that he was not going to let this Goliath of an event get the best of him. He knew what was at stake, and he knew how much he wanted it for his company, his school, his teachers and his students, and that was the motivation he used to prepare for it.

The biggest challenge was the need to shift from “teacher” mode to “business executive” mode. Knowing your audience and figuring out how to angle your point so that it speaks to their unique perspectives and interests is a critical factor in the art of persuasion, and one of the most common areas where people fall short.

When speaking to an audience of teachers and school district members – his comfort zone – stories of children’s experiences and anecdotes of their funny and heartwarming comments will successfully convey all sorts of implicit information about the success of a program. But to a room of business executives and investors, those stories are just the sprinkles on the sundae: added for a little color and sweetness, but of minimal substance. We had to shift the focus to problems and solutions, to data and dollars – a philosophical shift that makes most teachers’ stomachs churn with disdain. And the whole thing had to be done in eight minutes.

To me, the key to his success was the fact that he was able to adapt his content to meet the needs and expectations of his audience, while still remaining completely authentic, and true to himself, both in preparation and on stage. This is often one of the greatest challenges we face when we find ourselves in new contexts with unfamiliar audiences.

I know inside he didn’t like having to cut out some of his favorite stories, but we found a way to use a couple of them in ways that made statistics personal, and humanized the call to action. And David was already a confident and competent public speaker, so it was really a matter of applying those skills with a different focus, and convincing himself and others that he was a much of a leader in the business world as in the academic sphere.

Sure, there were investors there who weren’t interested in adding a brick-and-mortar enterprise to their portfolios. But it was clear by the end that he was the crowd favorite and had earned the personal and professional respect of everyone there. The little non-profit venture had set the bar for what everyone else believed an investor pitch should look and sound like. As I heard several people say with genuine admiration that day: “He killed it.”

The moral of the story is that even when you feel like you’re out of your element – or even out of your league – do not let yourself be intimidated by the Goliath. Seek whatever guidance you need to put the pieces together, and play to win.

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Are you preparing a pitch, or do you have questions about another critical presentation? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss it with me personally!

 

“The Hidden Value of Trust In A Negotiation (DACA)”

When someone trusts you in a negotiation (you’re always negotiating), they’re more likely to believe what you tell them. Thus, there’s hidden value in trust when negotiating from a long-term perspective. Once trust is broken it’s difficult to regain it. Therefore, broken trust sets off negative ripples that can have unintended and unexpected consequences in the future.

Let’s look at the trust factor with DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) as an example. The kids in the DACA program were brought to the US by their parents. In most cases, they had no input as to whether they would stay where they were, or travel to the US. They instinctively trusted their parents with that decision. Then, there’s the US government.

The US government basically said, if you register for the DACA program and abide by our requirements (i.e. check in every 2 years and make payment to stay in the program, go to college, serve in the military, stay employed, pay taxes), you’ll be OK in the US.

Some registered and some didn’t. Those in the DACA program trusted the government and abided by their mandate. Then, trust was thrust out the window. Those in the DACA program cried, ‘We did what you asked of us! Why are you going back on your word? We trusted you!’ Those that did not register for the program, if not stated out loud silently thought, ‘see, I told you so; you should not have trusted them. The government can’t be trusted. Now, the information you gave them will be used against you.’ The ripple that such a message sent to non-DACA members was, stay in the shadows and let the darkness protect you.

In the eyes of those in the program, the US government went back on its word and broke the trust it had conveyed. Suffice it to say, the ripples set forth from this situation will cause the government not to be trusted in future matters by different entities. They’ll mentally relate their situation to the resemblance of the DACA plight. That means those submitting information requested by the government will be skeptical at best and cynical at worse when contemplating a course of action that they should adopt. In essence, through the loss of trust, the government has made it more difficult for others to trust it.

If I tell you the truth, will you believe what I say and trust me? If my perception of the truth is altered in the future, will I be declared a liar? If so, what will become of our future negotiation efforts? Those are questions every negotiator needs to consider before and during a negotiation. That’s the hidden force that trust has on a negotiation.

When trust is the foundation upon which a negotiation is built, the truth becomes a happier companion in the negotiation. Therefore, when the truth as one knows it shifts, the shifting of the truth can still have believability.

Change allows you to embrace new experiences, and everything changes. Thus, what’s true today may be proven not to be valid tomorrow. Nevertheless, once trust has been established and nurtured by consistency, over a period of time change can withstand the onslaught of doubt and suspension. In so doing, even when your negotiations become difficult, you’ll have less of a challenge finding a path to success, simply because you had trust adding hidden value to your negotiation … and everything will be right with the world.

What are your takeaways? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

 “Without trust, failure awaits you.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator and Body Language Expert