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Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources

Dear Katherine: Should I Let My Daughter Stay Out as Late as Her Brother?

Dear Katherine,

My three children are 16, 13, and 9. They are all very social, but each child has a different curfew and different rules for social time. 

The 13-year-old is very upset that we won’t let her go to a party that ends at 11 p.m. She says that we would let our 16-year-old go to a party like that, which might be true depending on several factors, but our 16-year-old is old enough to have a later curfew.  

How can we help our 13-year-old see that she and her older brother are different people and that these are different situations? 

Sincerely,

Stuck in the Middle

Stuck in the Middle, this kind of conflict is completely normal in families with more than one child. Younger siblings always want to be just like their older siblings—or, just like their perceptions of their older siblings.

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You’re right to have different rules for your children. No two kids are the same. More importantly, what’s appropriate for your 16-year-old isn’t necessarily appropriate for your 13-year-old, and vice versa. I bet your 13-year-old knows that, too, even if she is fighting against it.

Conscious parenting is all about adapting your parenting approach to suit the needs of your unique child. Recognizing that you can’t have the same rules for all your children is a parenting win right off the bat! But how do you get your 13-year-old on board with a decision she doesn’t like?

The best course of action during family conflict is to initiate open parent-child communication. 

Explain to your daughter exactly why you don’t want her to go to that party, and ask her why she wants so badly to attend. You may find a compromise that works for both of you, like allowing her to stay out a bit later than normal, or hosting her closest friends at your home instead.

Make sure she knows that you aren’t saying no to assert your dominance but because you care about her safety and happiness. If she can understand that you’re on her side, she’ll be more receptive to listening to you.

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It would also be wise to explain why her older sibling has a different set of rules. Have an open conversation about their age difference, and invite her to contribute her opinions.

I know family conflicts are difficult, but above all I encourage you to be sensitive to the needs of your teenager.

Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the three R’s: resistance, rebellion, and retaliation. They crave autonomy. The more you interfere with that need, the more your daughter will push back against your rules. If she’s been included in the conversation, however, and feels she got to collaborate in creating the “rule” then the 3Rs may be avoided completely.

Your daughter wants—and needs—to learn how to manage her own life. Even the smallest compromises can make a big difference in showing her that you trust her judgment. Building trust in the beginning of the individuation process is key for a healthy parent-child relationship throughout her teenage years.

I’m sure you and your children will find the right balance that keeps everyone happy!

Categories
Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness

What’s Your Story?

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

We tend to use this phrase when we talk about how similar a child is to their parents, when we notice repeated behaviors, patterns, and choices that pass across generations. The logic is simple: children mirror their parents’ actions and are wired to follow the examples they set.

Think about it. Our kids learn everything about life from us: how to crawl, walk, eat, sleep, talk—and eventually how to interact with other human beings and make their way through the world.

The pressure to set a good example or be a good role model can weigh heavily on you as a parent. That’s doubly true if you had issues or challenges (and who didn’t?) in your own childhood. Everyone faces roadblocks that stem directly from their childhood experiences. And whether or not we’re willing to admit it, our own upbringing directly affects how we raise our children.

I’ve shared my own story at a TEDxGEM in France: I had a loving but very traditional mother who believed that children should be seen and not heard. Because I was trained to repress my inner voice, I learned to keep my mouth shut—even when people took advantage of me.

We each have a story, and we all have scars. But we must put in the work to avoid perpetuating unhealthy patterns with our own kids. If you’re not careful, the issues your had with your own parents will rear their ugly heads in your relationships with your children.

Are you a new mother or father committed to building a loving, healthy environment for your baby to thrive? Or maybe you’re a seasoned parent whose negative patterns from your upbringing are beginning to show up in your relationship with your teenager?

Here are 3 warning signs that the apple may be a little too close to the tree:

  1. Projection. Did you have a happy childhood? Did you feel supported, understood, and seen by your primary caregivers? Adults who felt abandoned early in life, for example, may unknowingly project their own feelings onto their kids. A parental response could result in extreme behaviors such as distancing or smothering. When you respond to your child, are you acting based on your feelings or theirs?
  2. “Tough love.” Some parents deny their kids so-called benefits or privileges because they didn’t receive that treatment when they were growing up. A father may say, “You’ll work every summer instead of going to camp, because that’s how I grew up and learned to be responsible.” But “tough love” isn’t always the answer. Ask yourself if you really needed that kind of harsh treatment from your parents. What if they had been more supportive and understanding instead?
  3. Parenting out of fear. Parents understandably want to prevent their kids from making the same mistakes they did. But parenting out of fear that your children will rebel may convey the message that you don’t trust them—or, even worse, that they’re bad kids. A healthier alternative to fear-based parenting is to empower self-direction. Listen to your children’s thoughts and opinions. Show them that they can talk to you about anything and that you’ll always love them no matter what.

Facing your childhood issues head-on isn’t easy, but reckoning with your own story is the only way to ensure that the next chapter is better. When we heal past wounds, we release our children (and ourselves!) from generational patterns and lay the foundation for healthier parent-child dynamics. No matter where you are in your parenting journey, you can start to eliminate childhood baggage and create a clean slate for your kids.

Ready to work through your past to improve your relationship with your child? Send me a message and let’s begin your journey together.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Skills

Dear Katherine: We Give Her an Inch, She Takes a Mile

Dear Katherine,

My 5-year-old daughter has always disliked being told what to do. Now that we’re changing our approach to the parent-child relationship, she’s convinced that she was right all along about being able to do whatever she wants. 

When we give her even a little bit of freedom, she tries to take as much power as she can get. It isn’t sustainable! 

How can we achieve a healthy balance? 

Sincerely,

Not So Sure About This

Hey there, Not So Sure About This! I love this question.

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First of all, congratulations on having a confident and strong-willed child. Behaviors like what you’re describing can be the source of many parenting challenges. Take comfort in knowing that autonomous children grow up to be strong, capable adults who positively impact the world around them.

Right now, your daughter is getting her sea legs, so to speak. You’re transitioning from one parenting style to another, and she’s experimenting with her new boundaries. Where her autonomy was once limited, it’s now being encouraged. She’s grasping for power because she’s afraid she’ll lose it again.

Your daughter needs to know that you aren’t going back to the old way, which left her feeling dismissed and out of control.

The transition to conscious parenting can be disorienting for children. But the good news is that your daughter is only 5. The rule of thumb is that for each year of a child’s age, you can expect them to need that many weeks to adjust.

Here’s how to make it through the next 5 weeks:

Talk her through this transition.

Your daughter probably doesn’t realize that there is a cultural shift taking place in your family. It’s important to talk her through why you’re changing your tactics.

Help her understand that the sense of healthy empowerment she’s feeling isn’t going anywhere and that you’re committed to this new approach.

Reinforce new habits. 

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The techniques your parents used on you as a child likely inspired the parenting style you’ve relied on for the last 5 years. It’s become habitual—and habits are hard to break.

In a challenging situation, your first instinct may be to revert to your old behavior patterns. Keep reminding yourself that those habits won’t yield the results you’re hoping for.

It takes strength and determination to replace old habits with new ones. But the more committed you are to conscious parenting, the faster you’ll see positive changes.

Manage your expectations.

It’s easier said than done, but try not to get frustrated that your daughter hasn’t adjusted to these changes quite yet.

Motivating your 5-year old to act out of consideration for others, rather than because she was told to behave a certain way, is a big ask. And your daughter can pick up on your stress, so accepting that she’ll need time to evolve is key to a smooth transition.

Not So Sure About This, the most important thing of all is to keep going. You’re on the right track, and I have full confidence that you and your daughter will overcome these challenges.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources

Dear Katherine: My Kids Complain About Being Bored!

Dear Katherine,

When my two children are home from school, they don’t want to do anything. I try to get them involved in activities or camps (or at the very least encourage them to leave the house with me!) but they outright refuse.

Then they complain that they’re bored! My older daughter, who is 13, calls me a bad mom when I tell her that there’s nothing more I can do.

What CAN I do?

Sincerely,

Out of Ideas

Out of Ideas, the problem you’re facing is far more common than people care to admit! The pressure to keep children occupied at all times can be incredibly frustrating for parents.

Still, I’m sensing that this issue is less about keeping your daughter entertained and more about her inability or refusal to seek out her own joy. She tells you she’s bored, and then seemingly does nothing to fix it. When you try to guide her to the answer, she gets upset.

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There are two questions to ask yourself that will help you move forward:

1. Is her boredom making her upset, or is it making you upset?

Your daughter’s struggle to entertain herself is a problem for her to navigate. If you take this emotional load on yourself, it will only make things worse. These situations can be cyclical, and your frustration will only compound hers.

Maybe she’s content staying home but senses that you’re frustrated with her making that choice. No matter what’s really going on, it’s important to step back and resist the urge to turn her problem into your problem.

Right now, your thoughts are framed around shame and criticism. Maybe you’re internalizing your daughter’s comment that you’re a bad mom, or you feel responsible for her lack of motivation.
Either way, you’re disempowering yourself, which won’t help your daughter. Take a moment to consider what your needs are and how you can meet them. Focus on filling your cup so that you’re in a better mindset to help your daughter meet her needs. This Needs Assessment is a great tool for figuring out how well your own needs are being met.

2. Why is she leaning on you to make this decision?

Your instinct as a parent is to help your kids through their problems. Occasionally, you probably border on solving the entire issue for them. I see this common parenting mistake with my clients all the time. But here’s the thing. . .

When kids are used to having their parents solve their problems, a sudden refusal to do so can feel like abandonment.

Rest assured, you aren’t abandoning your daughter—and you certainly don’t need to leave her to figure everything out on her own. But instead, you should work on hearing her.

At the age of 13, she’s inundated with new experiences and responsibilities. School is becoming more challenging, friendships are evolving, and she’s probably making more decisions day-to-day than she ever has before. The thought of making one more choice about what to do in her spare time might be pushing her over her capacity.

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Sit with her in that place of discomfort and validate her frustration. Then remind her how capable she is. Tell her you’re confident in her ability to make decisions for herself. Assure her that the choice she ultimately makes isn’t the wrong one, even if she chooses to stay home after school.

I understand the urge to jump in and save your daughter by arranging activities or outings, but if you want to raise an independent child, you have to give her the space to figure out what she really wants to do. The best way to be a supportive parent is to build your child’s confidence in themselves.

Your daughter is more than capable of getting through this rough patch. It may even be a great opportunity for her to learn more about who she is and how to advocate for her needs.

I have utmost faith in both of you.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. Want to start 2022 differently with your family but not sure where to start? I have the perfect toolbox for you! The Conscious Parenting Kickstart is more than just parenting tips. It gets to the core of why you parent the way you do, and why your kids react the way they do. We’ll tackle those deep-seated beliefs that are holding both you and your kids back from living your best lives together, so you can make powerful, lasting changes.
The best part? The Conscious Parenting Kickstart will only take an hour of your time! Click here to check it out!

Categories
Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness

5 tips to handle school-from-home

If you’re a parent or caregiver to a school-aged kid, chances are you’ve found yourself learning grammar or long division again — only this time, the teacher is on Zoom. And you’re fighting with the technology of uploading your child’s digital work. And trying to run a household. And maybe attempting to work yourself.

For many families around the world, school from home will be around for at least a few more months. While it’s not easy to juggle all those priorities (and all that tech!), it’s possible to make the experience a little better for both you and your kids.

The expectations around school and the pressure parents put on their kids can create a lot of stress. Whether your child is co-working with you at the living room table or back in the classroom, these 5 tips will help you both ace the semester:

  1. Discover your child’s learning style. Some kids find it easy to work independently while others need activity and collaboration. Find out which learning styles your child responds to best and help shape their experiences accordingly. Independent thinker? Give them time and space to study and work on their own. Collaborative mind? Encourage them to schedule more Zoom sessions with their classmates. Catering to their unique style will help your kid have a more positive experience.
  2. Encourage their hobbies. Who says education has to be by the book? Let your kids explore and expand their non-academic skills, like cooking, baking, drawing, or dancing. These skills are just as important as geometry or social studies. What matters is that they find ways to become engaged with something they care about. Their hobbies may change over time, but the ability to dig into an area of interest has lifelong benefits.
  3. Use the resources available. Look around you: you have a wealth of educational resources online and in your neighborhood. Coordinate a book swap with a classmate or neighbor. Hold biology class outside to look for real-life examples of the concepts your child is learning. Sign up for online guitar lessons (Youtube can teach you to do just about anything these days). Let your own creativity expand the options beyond the school’s lesson plan and the oh-so-many online worksheets.
  4. Design a schedule for learning. Children thrive with some structure in place — adults, too! It’s important that children have a dedicated time and place for school activities. Work with your child to develop their own little study nook in the house, and help them identify the best time for activities like homework and studying. While they may not be able to dictate their entire schedule, your child should definitely have input in this process.
  5. Don’t focus on the grades. Try not to be overly preoccupied with your child’s grades, especially during this wild and crazy year. Becoming too grade-obsessed can give a kid the impression that their confidence or self-worth should be tied to competency. We have to constantly remind our children that love is not something they have to earn or acquire by doing well in school or being a “perfect” human. We are worthy of love and belonging simply because we’re alive and breathing. Work to be more forgiving if your child scores lower than expected on a test. And forgive yourself if you feel like a less-than-perfect teacher. Our children’s achievements are not a reflection of us!
  6. One thing is certain: the school-from-home era has been a learning experience for all of us. Learning always means growth, which gives you and your child the opportunity to deepen your relationship and come together as a team. Besides, not everyone gets a chance to relive their school days. 🙂

If you and your child struggle to talk about school, my free eBook may help. I wrote 7 Strategies to Keep Your Relationship With Your Kids from Hitting the Boiling Point to give every parent the tools they need to improve their communication with their child, especially around hot-button issues like homework and grades. Grab your copy today.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness

Dear Katherine: My Son Gets Anxious When We’re Apart

Dear Katherine,

 

My son is very nervous whenever we’re apart. When he’s at school, he wants me to be working from home so he knows that I’m there. Even if I’m just around the block, he stresses out about it. 

He’s afraid that I won’t come back or that I won’t come to pick him up. 

He’s 10 years old, and I want him to enjoy school and other activities that I’m not present for. 

What can I do? 

 

Sincerely, 

Trying My Best

 

Trying My Best,

 

My heart goes out to your son. He’s dealing with some big feelings! Your situation sounds like a classic case of separation anxiety.

 

What I want to emphasize first and foremost is that it’s perfectly okay for him to have these feelings. Everything we experience in life serves a purpose—even our most negative emotions. We should never tell our kids that their feelings are bad, scary, or wrong. Doing so is one of the biggest parenting mistakes we can make.

True self-acceptance has to come first if you want your son to be able to change. When we judge ourselves or our children, we create an unsafe environment for this transformation to take place.

I have two pieces of advice to help you both through this challenging period:

 

1. Be a supportive parent while your son sits with his feelings. 

Your son needs to learn how to be with the parts of him that are anxious instead of letting them define him. Help him create space between him and his anxiety. You can start by talking about it together.

Try saying, “Wow, something inside you is feeling really worried.” Provide space for him to talk about his concerns and how they make something in him feel. With practice, he’ll be able to turn toward these scary feelings, understand what they’re trying to tell him, and get bigger than what’s bugging him.

Remember, your son can only understand these feelings if can separate them from his identity. If he thinks that he is anxious, instead of recognizing that something inside of him feels anxious, he won’t be able to accurately assess any associated feelings.

This approach will help your son cope with negative feelings for the rest of his life. But there are other immediate actions you can take that will help his anxiety, too.

2. Find ways to be with him, without being with him physically. 

Separation anxiety is a common issue in parent-child relationships. Fortunately, you can help your child feel connected to you even when you’re apart. Together, brainstorm ideas that could help him through the day.

 

Here are a few to get you started, but this should be a collaborative effort with your child:

  • Give him a photo of you to keep in his pocket. When your son misses you, he can take out the photo and look at it to remember that you aren’t far away.
  • Send him messages throughout the day. If your son has a phone that he can use at school, message him periodically to check-in. No phone? No problem. Write him little notes to keep in his folders, lunchbox, or pencil case to remind him that you’re thinking of him.

Separation anxiety can be difficult for parents and children, but I know you two will get through it together!

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. The Mother Side on Good Morning Washington (ABC7, WJLA) was so kind to have me discussing how we can be more mindful in our approach with our children! I’m so grateful to be able to introduce our gentle parenting all over the world. Thank you so much for supporting the Conscious Parenting Revolution message!

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness

How to Help Your Child Navigate a Not-So-Normal Holiday Season

This year’s holiday season reminds me of the opening line in Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women:

“‘Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas without any presents,’ grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.”

The story is set in the middle of the American civil war, and the four March sisters are grieving over not being able to spend Christmas with their army chaplain father—as well as not having enough money for gifts.

Our current situation has been described countless times in the last 9 months as a “war on the coronavirus.” Many families are feeling the economic impact of the pandemic—and that strain can be compounded by pressures of the holiday season.

On top of that, the usual traditions and festivities have been altered and canceled for many. Families are struggling over how to celebrate this year. Many will make the difficult decision to stay apart. Presents will get shipped all over the world, but it’s not quite the same as being there to open gifts with your loved ones.

Perhaps, we’re all starting to grumble.

How do we embrace this not-so-normal holiday season gracefully? How do we keep our kids (and ourselves) from turning into the Grinch?

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Here are some conscious parenting tips from one of our favorite holiday songs:

Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Look for ways to make your home space bright and cheery, especially if you’re spending most of your time indoors or facing bleak winter weather. You might go wild with tinsel and lights; you might bring in an extra lamp and a potted plant. Whatever you choose, find ways to involve your child in the decorating (or redecorating) process.

‘Tis the season to be jolly. Practice gratitude. Make a point to talk with your child about how much there is to be thankful for: good health, good friends, good food. If you find you or your child sliding into the holiday blues, acknowledge their feelings. This is a difficult time. Then, help them reframe their experience to focus on what’s positive to boost their mood.

️Don we now our gay apparel. Get all dressed up, even if there’s nowhere to go! Put on your best holiday clothes for a special meal or stroll around the neighborhood. The crowd may be small, but you can still celebrate in style. Don’t forget to take pictures to send to family and friends!

 Troll the ancient Yuletide carol. Keep your traditions, even if they don’t look the way you expect them to. Light the menorah, read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, eat cookies on Bodhi Day—show your children that there’s still reason to celebrate, even in the face of adversity. This year is also a great opportunity to start a new tradition to pass on to future generations.

Still wondering how to bring some cheer to your family’s holiday season? You don’t have to figure it out alone. The Guidance Approach to Parenting is all about collaborative problem-solving, so be sure to include your child in your holiday planning. Not only does your child have their own set of wants and needs, but they can also bring some much-needed creativity into the equation!

Our Facebook group is also a great resource for parents who need support or inspiration during the holidays. Join us to ask a question, or share a challenge, or show us how you’re celebrating.

Fa-la-la-la-la!

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

Cleaning Up Before Leaving the Year

We’ve learned to make our bed before leaving our room, tidy up the house before leaving for the day, straighten up our desk before leaving our workday…you get the idea. Well, have you considered that while we do these things on a daily basis, what would it look like if we decided to “clean up our year” before we leave it?

As the year comes to a close, I always like reviewing the year to see what worked, what didn’t, what I can change, what to let go of, what no longer serves, and what am I now ready for as a new year approaches. It’s a great way to continually grow and take an assessment of how things are going in any category that holds meaning. So as the year begins to wind down, how would you clean up some of the areas that are most important to you? Let’s take a few categories:

Health: If you’ve been lax about what you’re eating or how you’re moving, how can you clean that up? Can you decide to ditch the junk food, limit your drinking or commit to a fitness routine you can stick with?

Work: When you evaluate how you’ve been showing up at work, what needs cleaning up? If you lost your motivation, what do you need to do to get it back? If you stopped pushing yourself, doing those extras that brought about great results or stretching yourself to learn what’s needed to take yourself to the next level, what can you do to recharge yourself so you’re eager and ready as the New Year arrives?

Relationships: If you take an honest look at how you showed up in your relationships, what do you see? Are you still harboring grudges, anger, resentment, and bitterness towards someone? If so, it’s chipping away at your health and well-being. If forgiveness feels like too big of a stretch, can you move towards acceptance first? If you’ve been distant, neglectful, or aloof, how can you clean things up to be more present and available to those you love?

Self-Care: If you’ve been burning the candle at both ends, neglecting your own self-care so that you can put in a few more hours at work, get a few more chores done or make sure everyone else’s needs are cared for, it’s likely you’re not showing up at your best. It’s virtually impossible when you’re burned out, exhausted, and depleted. So while you may be viewing self-care as selfish, what can you clean up so you treat self-care as self-preservation? Can you add in a short but meaningful morning routine? Do you need to say no more often?

Personal Development: We’re either growing or we’re dying. When you take a look at where you are, are you any different than you were at the beginning of the year? If you’re complaining or jealous of others about something (your health, work, relationships, etc.) it’s often because we know we can do something about it…and we’re not. What needs cleaning up here so you’re having a different level of conversation next year? What books, programs, thought leaders, or concepts are you ready to include in your life to clean up your year in the personal development category?

Spirituality/Faith: When you take a look into this category, what needs cleaning up? Do you have a practice that helped you feel grounded and centered? Do you want to explore meditation, mindfulness, journaling, yoga, breathwork, or some other type of practice to help you feel less stressed and more connected? If so, how will you clean that up so you move into the New Year with a plan that’ll help you move towards that?

When changes are deliberate and intentional (versus hopeful), we’re moving forward. I’ll never forget a mentor of mine saying: “You can’t steer a parked car.” Is your car in motion and if so, is it headed in a direction you want to go? If not, it’s time to clean up the year so we can intentionally show up more fully in the categories that hold meaning to us.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Women In Business

What’s fair about a chocolate bar?

All people must be treated equally—including children. But when you’re dealing with kids of different ages, interests, and personalities; it can be difficult to make decisions without having one (or all) of them storm off yelling, “But it’s not fair!”

Let’s take the example of “The Chocolate Bar.”

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Suppose two kids are given a chocolate bar. As a parent/caregiver wanting to teach fairness, the smart thing is to split the chocolate in half. Right? But wait—what if only one child likes chocolate? Is it still fair? Or would it be better to give the whole bar to the child who enjoys it?

Fairness is about getting everybody’s needs met. If each person’s needs were identical, then splitting the chocolate bar in half would work perfectly 100% of the time. But we know all too well that our children are more nuanced than that.

This principle doesn’t just apply between siblings either. There’s also the question of what’s fair between parent and child. While a fancy steak dinner might feel like a treat for you, it might feel like a punishment to your kid. They may respond with one of the three R’s (rebellion, resistance, or retaliation), and you may respond by calling them spoiled or ungrateful. Things spin out of control quickly, all because you expected your child to have a certain reaction to a steak dinner they never wanted to begin with!

So, how do you make decisions regarding vacations, leisure time, food, and more that are truly fair for your children?

  • Get to know your kid. What does your child truly enjoy? Would they rather eat yogurt than chocolate? Would one prefer reading over watching a movie during leisure time? Finding out what each child likes will help inform the decisions you make for the entire family.
  • Practice consideration. We can’t always get what we want when we want it. To teach children to give and take, Marshall Rosenberg suggests an interesting form of educational play. Designate one sibling as captain for the day, and give them authority to make all decisions for the group. The curveball: they have to give their “powers” over to another sibling the next day. This activity helps children learn to be considerate of each other’s needs by treating each other the way they want to be treated.
  • Loop them into decision-making. One of the fathers I work with told me a story of how he once planned a big holiday trip to France for his family. He ended up being sorely disappointed because when he finally revealed his plan, his children told him they wanted to visit their friends in California instead. Make your life easier by involving your kids in family decisions every step of the way. Getting your children’s opinion not only sharpens your kid’s collaborative skills, but it also makes the entire family more harmonious.

Fairness is not about “one for you, one for me.” Being truly fair is everyone’s needs are met (which isn’t everyone’s wants are met) it’s about being able to take everyone’s needs into consideration and as you show what it looks and feels like your kids know how and reciprocate with the same consideration back to you.  This way everyone’s unique preferences are recognized and everyone feels so seen, known, and loved just the way they are.  From this point family problem solving that is bringing everyone one’s voice into the space will bring about outcomes that are preventing future disappointments.

P.S. Want to continue the conversation about what’s fair? Join our Facebook group to ask a question or share a challenge.

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources

There is Hope for HealthCare

There’s Hope for HealthCare

“Hope springs eternal in the human breast,” according to the English poet Alexander Pope over 300 years ago. For most of us, hope doesn’t seem to be springing much these days. The healthcare staffing shortage crisis resulting from the pandemic can make it seem allusive.

As one chief nursing officer stated, “We have been drowning during Covid. Now we are finally poking our head above water and assessing the damage done and realize it was to our staff.”

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 426,000 workers left jobs in health care in September 2020 and another 589,000 quit this September. Ninety-eight percent of hospital nurses reported their work is mentally and physically demanding. Eighty-five percent admit their jobs make them fatigued. Sixty-three percent report burnout. Forty-seven percent admit work was negatively affecting their health and well-being.

But there is hope. One benefit from the pandemic is that hospital leadership has realized that caring for their caregivers is paramount in the retention and recruitment of staff. They expect them to deliver comprehensive, compassionate patient care to improve outcomes, satisfaction and engagement scores, and reimbursements yet, wise leaders know that caregivers cannot meet those expectations if they are physically, mentally, or spiritually exhausted.

Organizations have learned they must provide specific tools and strategies for selfcare. Hospitals that have implemented the year-long Selfcare for HealthCare® program have noted not only a 13% increase in retention, but 16% decrease in sick days, a 20% increase in engagement, 39% decrease in those considering leaving their positions, and 42% increase in agreeing their leadership cares about them. Employees whose managers check in to see how they are doing personally and professionally were 40% less likely to quit.

The duty of healthcare leaders is to be proactive, rather than reactive, to the stress they are facing. When staff support services were proactive and prioritized, staff health, wellbeing, and performance were enhanced, patient care improved, staff retention was higher, and sickness absence was lower. Leaders are fundamental to creating a workplace climate that enhances staff wellbeing and delivers quality patient care.

When staff participate together in wellness programs, engagement increases. Employees who feel they are personally cared for by their organization and that managers have higher levels of commitment, are more conscious about responsibilities, have greater involvement in the organization, and are more innovative.

Healthcare leaders who implement selfcare programs have hope. Hope is the belief that the future will be better than the present and that you will have the power to make it so. We have the power to make it so by offering programs to care for our benevolent caregivers.

 

LeAnn Thieman, LPN, CSP, CPAE is author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul for Nurses series and President and Founder of SelfCare for HealthCare. www.SelfCareforHealthCare.com. She can be reached at LeAnn@LeAnnThieman.com