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Growth Health and Wellness

10 Strategies to Reduce Overwhelm

 

Do you have so much going on that you feel overwhelmed? A busy life with too many demands can lead to feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Work, family, other obligations as well as unresolved mental/emotional stress can prove to be too much at times. Not only is it hard on us mentally and emotionally, but it’s also taking a toll on us physically too.What can you do? Here are a few tips to minimize feelings of overwhelm and stress:

  1. Take a deep breath. Once you start to feel overwhelmed, things tend to go downhill quickly. Give yourself a break by relaxing, taking a deep breath, and slowing down your mind. Just a few mindful moments can help rebalance the nervous system.
  2. Focus on what you can control. In any situation, there are things you can control and things you can’t control. Keep your focus on those things you can do something about.
  3. Let go of those things that are out of your control. There’s no reason to think about it and get yourself more agitated if you can’t do anything about it. Learn to let go of anything you can’t influence.
  4. Focus on solutions. Most of us make the mistake of focusing on the problem and imagining negative outcomes. This strategy causes even more stress. If you’re going to think about the problem, commit to coming out of the thought process with a plan that moves things forward in some way.
  • Ask yourself what you can do to eliminate, delegate or lessen the sources of your stress. Write down your ideas, then put those ideas into action.
  1. Avoid making assumptions. Are things actually as stressful as you think they are? Is it possible that you’ve misinterpreted something or made something more than it needs to be? Gather all the facts before deciding if there’s a reason to be overwhelmed. Question your judgment and ensure that you’re on solid ground before hitting the panic button if at all.
  2. Give yourself a change of scenery. Get out of the house and the office for a few hours. Your environment affects your perspective. Spend some time in nature if possible. If that’s not possible, use an app with nature sounds, play some soothing music or even buy a small water feature for your desk.

7.Spend time with a friend or loved one. Sometimes we need an objective eye on an issue to put something in perspective. Sometimes we need that friend who knows how to make us laugh. Other times we need that friend who is a great listener. While you may be the one who is always able, willing, and ready to help a friend, is it time to reach out for some support yourself?8.Enjoy a relaxing activity. What relaxes you? Taking a warm bath? Going for a run? Getting a massage? Spend an hour or two decompressing in a way that signals your body and mind to calm down.9.Cut down on your obligations. Maybe you’re overcommitting. Consider limiting the number of activities you participate in. Are you taking on too many responsibilities? Just because you can do those things, doesn’t mean you should.

  • Consider which of your obligations are most important and say no to the rest.
  • 10.Remember when you’ve been overwhelmed in the past. What helped? What didn’t work? Was there some particular combination of strategies that worked well for you? See if any of them may work again for you now.

It’s easy to let the overwhelm become debilitating. Instead, try creating your “overwhelm prevention plan” filled with your top ideas you can implement when your level of stress increases. With your tips handy, you can implement your strategies when you need them most.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

10 Strategies to Reduce Overwhelm

 

Do you have so much going on that you feel overwhelmed? A busy life with too many demands can lead to feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Work, family, other obligations as well as unresolved mental/emotional stress can prove to be too much at times. Not only is it hard on us mentally and emotionally, but it’s also taking a toll on us physically too.What can you do? Here are a few tips to minimize feelings of overwhelm and stress:

  1. Take a deep breath. Once you start to feel overwhelmed, things tend to go downhill quickly. Give yourself a break by relaxing, taking a deep breath, and slowing down your mind. Just a few mindful moments can help rebalance the nervous system.
  2. Focus on what you can control. In any situation, there are things you can control and things you can’t control. Keep your focus on those things you can do something about.
  3. Let go of those things that are out of your control. There’s no reason to think about it and get yourself more agitated if you can’t do anything about it. Learn to let go of anything you can’t influence.
  4. Focus on solutions. Most of us make the mistake of focusing on the problem and imagining negative outcomes. This strategy causes even more stress. If you’re going to think about the problem, commit to coming out of the thought process with a plan that moves things forward in some way.
  • Ask yourself what you can do to eliminate, delegate or lessen the sources of your stress. Write down your ideas, then put those ideas into action.
  1. Avoid making assumptions. Are things actually as stressful as you think they are? Is it possible that you’ve misinterpreted something or made something more than it needs to be? Gather all the facts before deciding if there’s a reason to be overwhelmed. Question your judgment and ensure that you’re on solid ground before hitting the panic button if at all.
  2. Give yourself a change of scenery. Get out of the house and the office for a few hours. Your environment affects your perspective. Spend some time in nature if possible. If that’s not possible, use an app with nature sounds, play some soothing music or even buy a small water feature for your desk.

7.Spend time with a friend or loved one. Sometimes we need an objective eye on an issue to put something in perspective. Sometimes we need that friend who knows how to make us laugh. Other times we need that friend who is a great listener. While you may be the one who is always able, willing, and ready to help a friend, is it time to reach out for some support yourself?8.Enjoy a relaxing activity. What relaxes you? Taking a warm bath? Going for a run? Getting a massage? Spend an hour or two decompressing in a way that signals your body and mind to calm down.9.Cut down on your obligations. Maybe you’re overcommitting. Consider limiting the number of activities you participate in. Are you taking on too many responsibilities? Just because you can do those things, doesn’t mean you should.

  • Consider which of your obligations are most important and say no to the rest.
  • 10.Remember when you’ve been overwhelmed in the past. What helped? What didn’t work? Was there some particular combination of strategies that worked well for you? See if any of them may work again for you now.

It’s easy to let the overwhelm become debilitating. Instead, try creating your “overwhelm prevention plan” filled with your top ideas you can implement when your level of stress increases. With your tips handy, you can implement your strategies when you need them most.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

The real reason your child doesn’t listen to you.

Control. Do you feel yourself longing for it lately? 

 

When life feels uncertain, we often respond by grasping for control in any way possible. You hyperfocus on cleaning up the house.   You micromanage a project at work.   You criticize your spouse for the way they do…just about anything.

 

And you try to get your kid to “behave.” 

 

The belief that we should control our children, that they need to act according to our wishes, usually comes from a deep-seated belief passed down from our own childhood. And when our kids don’t do what we think they should do, we take it personally:

 

They’re driving ME crazy. 

 

They’re making ME frustrated. 

 

They’re not listening to ME.

 

via GIPHY

 

We’re tuned into how our kids make us feel, but what about them? 

 

If they’re not listening to you, who are they listening to? 

 

The answer is that they’re listening to something inside themselves. It’s their inner voice, the one that tells them how they feel and what they want to do next. 

 

Granted, what they want to do next might be:

 

  • throw a temper tantrum
  • ride a scooter through the house, or 
  • sneak out after curfew. 

 

I’m not suggesting you let your child do whatever they want. The opposite of control isn’t chaos. It’s consideration. 

 

When you consider your kid, you acknowledge that their desires and needs are different than your own. I call that the “inner no.” When your child says “no” to you, they’re saying “yes” to something inside themselves.

 

“When your child says ‘no’ to you, they’re saying yes to something inside themselves.”

 

Developing a sense of self is important for your kid. You want to raise a confident adult who’s able to advocate for what they need. But without the right guidance, you’ll probably default to trying to control your child’s behavior, which undermines their self-confidence. 

 

Every parent I’ve worked with has made the mistake of trying to control their child in some way. But you can change your behavior and transform your relationship. (And incidentally, your child will probably start listening to you more often!)

 

If making this change is important to you, then I highly recommend you watch my free webinar, 3 Common Mistakes Parents Make and How to Reverse Them. Letting go of control isn’t easy, but I’m confident that the techniques you’ll learn can help you get there.

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Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

Top Tips to Reducing Stress

Stress, whether caused by a major crisis or something minor, is something most of us have experienced at some point in our lives. While for some it’s not often, for others it’s a daily occurrence. Since it’s something most of us go through, we need to learn how to effectively manage stress.

Even the happiest people on the planet experience some amount of stress. It’s not the stress that’s necessarily the problem, it’s how they move through it.

The body is beautifully designed to manage acute stress (for example, jumping out of harm’s way if a car is coming towards you). When stress is chronic and prolonged however, that’s when it becomes toxic and burdens the body. So since there will always be some amount of stress in your life, how can you manage it more effectively?

Try these tips:

     1. Do some physical exercise. (Check with your doctor first). While it might seem contradictory to combat stress with physical exercise, exerting your body appropriately can help you manage stress.

  • Whether it’s the rhythmic movement of a walk to allow you to decompress, or hitting a punching bag to release the pent-up emotions, exercise is a powerful way to reduce stress while elevating your mood as well.
  • Exercise can relieve brain fog, relieve stress, and help you feel more in control of your emotions. A good exercise routine can also support quality sleep, which is important for stress management.
  • To begin exercising, you might try taking a walk, doing some yoga poses, lifting weights, or taking a class. Once you find something you like, make it a regular part of your routine.
  • You’ll find that the positive effects on your health, mind, and mood will make exercising a stress-relieving activity you look forward to.

     2. Focus on your breathing. A simple task like focusing on your breathing can quickly calm you down and help rebalance the nervous system. Focus on breathing in and out. Count how many seconds it takes for one inhalation and exhalation.

  • At first, this might sound like an easy goal. But you may be surprised that it can be challenging to concentrate on your breathing. Like anything else, it gets easier the more you practice.
  • The best thing about breathing is that you can do it anywhere and at any time. I mean, you’re breathing anyway, right? It won’t make you feel uncomfortable if people are around because no one will know what you’re doing.

3. Limit caffeine. Caffeinated drinks are causes of stress for many people. Caffeine has a stimulant effect that creates anxiety for some and causes them to feel jittery.

  • Instead of drinking coffee, try drinking decaffeinated tea in the morning or herbal tea at night. The herbs in tea have calming properties, helping you relax and fall asleep.
  • And although you may feel tempted to drink several cups of coffee during the day, best to stop drinking anything caffeinated by noon to ensure it won’t disrupt your sleep.

Top Tips to Reducing Stress

4. Spend time with those you love. Your social support system can have a major positive effect, helping you deal with your stress. If you don’t currently surround yourself with loving and supportive people, reach out and build stronger connections.

  • Closeness and connection releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of calm and relaxation.
  • Spending time with those you love also allows for time for love and laughter. Laughing is great to combat stress and a good belly laugh will work your abs too!

5. Supplement appropriately. Toxic, unmanaged stress creates a continual demand for your adrenals to output cortisol-the stress hormone. Over time, this creates symptoms, illnesses, and conditions. Rebalance your adrenals and create a sense of calm by supplementing appropriately.

Managing stress is about finding healthy ways to handle an appropriate amount of stress while finding other ways to reduce, eliminate and/or delegate whatever is creating a sense of overload. Only you know what’s important for you to handle and what you may be better off letting go of. And, while it may be hard to seek support when stress levels get too high, it’s important for your health, well-being, and sanity.

Dr. Debi

Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Is Your Teen Rebelling, Resisting, and Retaliating?

Is your teenager’s defiant behavior ruling your family life?

The teenage years are challenging, leaving many parents and caregivers at a loss. But in fact, there’s a perfectly legitimate explanation for their behavior. During adolescence, humans begin developing their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for making judgments, weighing pros and cons, and managing emotional responses.

This critical part of the brain continues developing until the mid-20s, making it difficult for teenagers to think critically and manage their moods. Research even shows that teens often misread cues and facial expressions…and are more likely to interpret them as being shocked or angry.

Yikes! Combined with the flood of new hormones coursing through their bodies, it’s no wonder your teen walks around constantly sighing, rolling their eyes, and slamming doors!

17

Understanding the Three Rs

According to child psychologist Dr. Louise Porter, who I co-authored the Guidance Approach to Parenting with, 75% of family disruptions result from what Dr. Thomas Gordon called the Three Rs: Resistance, Rebellion, and Retaliation.

When your child refuses to walk beside you at the mall, they’re resisting. When they go to a party instead of doing their homework, they’re rebelling. When they’re aggressive with their siblings because they feel misunderstood, they’re retaliating.

Teens’ defiant behavior is a reaction to power and control being imposed over them and is the classic activation of those 3Rs mentioned above. The lack of control over their emotions and bodies, combined with their legitimate need for self-direction and autonomy that is thwarted by many parents, causes them to “act out.”

As parents, we owe it to our teenagers to practice empathy and do our best to understand where they’re coming from. To combat normal but challenging behaviors, we have to give them the autonomy they crave while still ensuring their safety and well-being

18

7 Practical Tips for Managing Your Teen’s Behavior

The 3Rs can be eliminated by using the Guidance Approach to Parenting.  The reason the 3Rs surface is that controlling discipline activates them. The way to prevent them from surfacing is to never activate them in the first place. My TEDx talk, “The Rebellion is Here: We Created It and We Can Solve It,” has more detail about how the process works.

These practical tips can make a world of difference: 

1. When tempers rise, disengage. If your teen is defensive or upset, postpone heavy conversations for a later time. Give them space to calm down and think things over. You’ll benefit from this space, too.

2. Set age-appropriate guidelines. Give your teenagers the independence they crave, setting age-appropriate guidelines. What’s reasonable for a 13-year-old is probably too restrictive for a 16-year-old, so use your judgment and be open to feedback. Create solutions together, seeking clarity so everyone’s on the same page: “So are you saying you would feel better if I let you do your own thing from 2-5 pm on Saturdays, as long as you tell me where you’re going and with whom?”

3. Find common ground. Connect with your child by finding activities you both enjoy. Watch a movie together, go get ice cream, or play a favorite sport. Engaging in shared interests fosters a positive environment for meaningful connection. If your teen starts opening up about their life, listen and invite them to tell you more! Be careful not to use the 12 roadblocks to communication or will go awry!

Is Your Teen Rebelling, Resisting, and Retaliating

4. Respond, don’t react. When your teenager confides in you for the first time about, say, a boy they’re interested in, resist the urge to freak out! Drop the “my baby” perspective and be as objective as you can. Give advice like you would to a friend, assuring your teen that they can talk to you about anything—even the uncomfortable stuff.

5. Avoid phrases like “You never” and “You always.” Nothing sparks defensiveness more than the words “never” and “always.” Reframe your language to be non-accusatory. Instead of, “You’re always late for school!” say “I’ve received some reports about lateness from your school; is everything okay?”

6. Respect their privacy. With so much happening in their minds and bodies, teens can be extremely self-conscious about, well, everything. Respect their budding sense of self. That means no snooping in bedrooms, phones, laptops, or social media. Build trust with your teen, and they’ll feel empowered to tell you what’s going on.

7. Help them understand the changes in their body. Teens are better equipped at handling physiological changes when they’re fully aware of what’s happening. If they don’t want to talk to you about these changes, enlist the help of a trusted family member, friend, or counselor.

As your teenager navigates this complex period in their lives, it’s critical for parents to provide the support they desperately need.

Still feeling daunted? Parents need support, too! Our private FB community can help you chart these churning waters. Join us inside the Facebook Group for Tuesday Tips for Parents, Tuesdays at 6:10 pm PST. Our team of coaches streams in live every week to answer all your parenting questions.

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

Top Tips to Reducing Stress

Stress, whether caused by a major crisis or something minor, is something most of us have experienced at some point in our lives. While for some it’s not often, for others it’s a daily occurrence. Since it’s something most of us go through, we need to learn how to effectively manage stress.

Even the happiest people on the planet experience some amount of stress. It’s not the stress that’s necessarily the problem, it’s how they move through it.

The body is beautifully designed to manage acute stress (for example, jumping out of harm’s way if a car is coming towards you). When stress is chronic and prolonged however, that’s when it becomes toxic and burdens the body. So since there will always be some amount of stress in your life, how can you manage it more effectively?

Try these tips:

     1. Do some physical exercise. (Check with your doctor first). While it might seem contradictory to combat stress with physical exercise, exerting your body appropriately can help you manage stress.

  • Whether it’s the rhythmic movement of a walk to allow you to decompress, or hitting a punching bag to release the pent-up emotions, exercise is a powerful way to reduce stress while elevating your mood as well.
  • Exercise can relieve brain fog, relieve stress, and help you feel more in control of your emotions. A good exercise routine can also support quality sleep, which is important for stress management.
  • To begin exercising, you might try taking a walk, doing some yoga poses, lifting weights, or taking a class. Once you find something you like, make it a regular part of your routine.
  • You’ll find that the positive effects on your health, mind, and mood will make exercising a stress-relieving activity you look forward to.

     2. Focus on your breathing. A simple task like focusing on your breathing can quickly calm you down and help rebalance the nervous system. Focus on breathing in and out. Count how many seconds it takes for one inhalation and exhalation.

  • At first, this might sound like an easy goal. But you may be surprised that it can be challenging to concentrate on your breathing. Like anything else, it gets easier the more you practice.
  • The best thing about breathing is that you can do it anywhere and at any time. I mean, you’re breathing anyway, right? It won’t make you feel uncomfortable if people are around because no one will know what you’re doing.

3. Limit caffeine. Caffeinated drinks are causes of stress for many people. Caffeine has a stimulant effect that creates anxiety for some and causes them to feel jittery.

  • Instead of drinking coffee, try drinking decaffeinated tea in the morning or herbal tea at night. The herbs in tea have calming properties, helping you relax and fall asleep.
  • And although you may feel tempted to drink several cups of coffee during the day, best to stop drinking anything caffeinated by noon to ensure it won’t disrupt your sleep.

Top Tips to Reducing Stress

4. Spend time with those you love. Your social support system can have a major positive effect, helping you deal with your stress. If you don’t currently surround yourself with loving and supportive people, reach out and build stronger connections.

  • Closeness and connection releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of calm and relaxation.
  • Spending time with those you love also allows for time for love and laughter. Laughing is great to combat stress and a good belly laugh will work your abs too!

5. Supplement appropriately. Toxic, unmanaged stress creates a continual demand for your adrenals to output cortisol-the stress hormone. Over time, this creates symptoms, illnesses, and conditions. Rebalance your adrenals and create a sense of calm by supplementing appropriately.

Managing stress is about finding healthy ways to handle an appropriate amount of stress while finding other ways to reduce, eliminate and/or delegate whatever is creating a sense of overload. Only you know what’s important for you to handle and what you may be better off letting go of. And, while it may be hard to seek support when stress levels get too high, it’s important for your health, well-being, and sanity.

Dr. Debi

Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

The Power of Consistency

While many believe that knowledge is power, knowledge is only powerful when it’s consistently applied. Consistency may be the most important component of success. Seeing the results of that consistency may be easy to see with areas like finances and health, but they’re also adding up when it comes to changes in your thinking that leads to healing a betrayal and shattered trust. A small step forward each day adds up to a lot of mileage over time.

Are the little things you do each day in regards to your actions, habits, and behaviors adding up to something positive? Or have you noticed that not only is there no forward movement, but there’s been a slow and progressive slipping backwards?

With consistent action over the next 10 or 20 years, what could you accomplish? Five workouts each week/ 5 days per week equals 1300 workouts in 1 year! Five minutes of meditation each day over the course of a few years can add up to… a lot of meditation. You get the idea.

Are your consistent behaviors helping or harming?

Use the power of consistency to enhance your success:

  1. If you re-lived today for the next 10 years, where would you end up? If you saved just a small amount of money each day, you’d have many thousands of dollars if not more saved within a few years. If you overeat slightly each day, you’d eventually be many sizes larger than you are now.
  • An effective way to predict your success is to examine your average day and project the likely outcome into the future. An hour each night spent practicing the piano would give different results versus spending an extra hour watching TV.
  • Your teeth aren’t clean because you brushed them for an hour straight. They’re clean because you brushed them for 3 minutes for 3,000 days straight.
  • Consider where your daily habits and behaviors are leading you financially, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and physically. Where are your habits leading you?
  1. Realize that many changes in life come slowly. While some people advocate taking massive action to see massive results, that strategy can be difficult to apply and maintain.
  • Consider something like weight loss for example. You can’t lose 25 pounds in a day. Small changes occur to your weight each day. Those small, regular changes to your habits, beliefs, and behavior about food and eating add up to impressive results.
  • Building a great company, the perfect body, or a great relationship all take time and consistency.
  1. Consistency requires habits and discipline. Use your discipline to develop useful habits. Use that discipline to get to the root of your beliefs and changing them because changing your beliefs will result in changing your habits.
  2. Learn to act in the moment. The greatest barrier to consistency is the belief that you can postpone an action to another day. Each day has the power to bring you closer to your goals. Each day lost is lost forever. You’ve probably heard that “someday” isn’t a day on the calendar.
  • The only real discipline required is the discipline to act right now.
  1. Have reasonable expectations. When your time horizon is unrealistic, it’s not easy to be consistent. When you ask too much of yourself too soon, it’s just as challenging. Be positive and enthusiastic, but be reasonable. Put your focus on regular and consistent improvement. Perfection isn’t required. I’ve also heard that we overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in 3 years so set an expectation factoring in those 2 ideas.
  2. Use reminders or triggers in your environment to encourage consistency. Think about the things that you do every day that could serve as reminders. Getting dressed, starting your car, and turning out the light each night are a few examples.
  • Each night you turn out the light, you could visualize your goals. After getting dressed, you could grab your gratitude journal for a few minutes of journaling and getting centered.

The Power of Consistency

What you do once in a while doesn’t impact your life significantly. Rather, it’s what you do consistently. Consistency is a major predictor of success in any endeavor whether it’s in the realm of health, work, relationships and more. Develop habits and routines that guarantee success by changing them at the level of belief. Consistent behaviors determine your outcomes, so choose behaviors that drive you towards exactly what you want.

 

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Ask Katherine: My kids won’t stand up for themselves

Dear Katherine,

My children are the targets of bullying on social media. These bullies make up rumors and spread lies about my kids, and I can see the effects of this cruelty weighing on them.

I have ideas for confronting the bullies, but my kids don’t want to talk about the situation at all.
I want to get through to them and offer guidance, but I’ve hit a real roadblock.
What can I do?

Sincerely,
On Their Side

Hey there, On Their Side.

My heart goes out to you–dealing with bullying is hard for kids and parents alike. I’m reading two primary concerns in your message: that you want your children to open up to you more and that they’re not standing up for themselves.

Let’s address each one:

  1. Getting your children to open up to you

First and foremost, you need to find a way to get through to your kids and address the bullying. The best way is to employ your active listening skills. If they’re still resisting your attempts to communicate, show them that you empathize with what they’re going through.

Acknowledge how hard these conversations are for them and that they’re in a crummy situation. Assure your kids that you understand their side — including their hesitancy to stand up for themselves.

After you’ve demonstrated that you’re an understanding parent, move on to a protective use of force. Your kids’ well-being and reputation are at stake, and they shouldn’t allow this problem to go on without trying to handle it. You can assert yourself without coming off as angry or demanding. Try saying something like. . .

“I can tell this situation is really hard for you because you don’t even want to talk to me about it. But I can’t just leave it alone because your reputation and well-being are on the line. I love you too much to allow you to forsake those things because you want to avoid a difficult conversation.”

  1. Encouraging your children to be more assertive

Now we can move on to your next concern: How can you help your kids be more assertive? The answer is simple: Model the behavior you wish to see.

Young children can’t practice what they don’t observe. If your kids witness you standing up for yourself, they’ll be able to replicate that behavior.

Ask Katherine: My kids won’t stand up for themselves

Parent-child communication helps here, too. Talk to your children about the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Explain that being assertive means using I-statements, like “I feel” and “I need.” In contrast, aggressive behavior is associated with you-statements, like “You’re mean.”

I wish you the best as you navigate this challenging time in your kids’ lives. You sound like a genuinely supportive parent. With your help, your children will be able to confront this issue and eventually overcome it.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

 

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Practical Advice for Any Parenting Challenge

Parenting is a constant learning curve. Just when you’ve finally resolved one issue, your kids grow up! And another challenge arises.

No matter where you are in your parenting journey, we’re here to support you. To make things easy, we curated some of our most popular blog posts to help you through any difficult situation. 

Sit back, relax, and choose a topic that speaks to you to start creating a happier and healthier relationship with your kids.

 

Best of Pandemic Parenting

5 Reasons Your Family Needs a Daily Routine

5 Tips to Handle School From Home This Spring

How to Help Your Child Navigate a Not So Normal Holiday Season

”Boo!” Said a Ghost From 6 Feet Away

7 Ways to Help Your Child Through the Pandemic

Best of Conflict Resolution

Dear Katherine: My Two Girls Are in Competition Over Everything

What’s Fair About a Chocolate Bar?

Dear Katherine: My Son and His Stepfather Are No Longer Speaking

3 Steps to Defuse Any Fight With Your Kid

The Real Reason Your Child Doesn’t Listen to You 

 

Best of Monitoring Screen Time

How to Keep Your Kid’s Screen Time (and Your Sanity!) from Spiralling Out of Control

Worried About Your Child’s Video Game Habits?

 

Best of Parenting Myth Busters

Busting the “Bad Kid” Myth Once and For All

Are You Raising a Spoiled Child?

 

Best of Co-Parenting

Should Parents Always Present a United Front?

How to Become an Awesome Parenting Partner

 

Best of Stress Release

Are You Stressed? Your Kids Are Probably Feeling It Too

Feeling Anxious? This Can Help

 

If you need additional support, you’ve come to the right place. Join the Conscious Parenting Revolution private Facebook group for even more community!  And you can join Tuesday Tips for Parents every week on Tuesday at 6:10 pm Pacific time when Katherine, Lauren, and Nam stream into the private Facebook group live and offer Tuesday Tips for Parents.  Come and join us!  Ask your questions in the comments box and we will address them.

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness

Ask Katherine: What If I’m Not Perfect?

Dear Katherine,

My husband and I are working on our parenting and have realized that many of the changes that need to occur in our family start with us. 

We have much to learn about our own needs and behaviors, but as we put in the work, how realistic is it for us to expect our children to manage their own emotions and needs?

Is it possible to raise children to stop the behaviors we don’t like, even if we sometimes exhibit them ourselves? 

Sincerely,

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Hi there, Do As I Say, Not As I Do, Great question! On some level, I believe every parent hopes that their children will be better versions of themselves.

Unfortunately, the reality is that children—especially young ones—can’t be what they don’t see. They have no frame of reference for it.

Pexels Mikhail Nilov 6964102

You’re right to recognize that much of the work of conscious parenting is more about parents than children. You need to do the work of untangling your ingrained beliefs around approaching conflict, dealing with emotions, and understanding trauma, so you can help your children do the same.

This work can—and should—take place concurrently. You don’t have to be a perfect parent to have a wonderful relationship with your kids!

When you acknowledge that you’re exhibiting the same behaviors you’re guiding your kids away from, be honest with them about it and have a moment of reflection together. Try saying something like. . .

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“I’m so sorry that you have to see me behaving like this. Sometimes despite my best efforts, I mess up. You’re allowed to mess up, too. But let’s talk about why it happened so we can both move on.”

Kids need you to be the best version of yourself to become the best version of themselves—and that process involves communication and accountability.

It’s a lot of pressure, but the good news is that you can get there as a family. Take the time you need to work on yourself. If it means carving out time just for you, that’s alright. Becoming a part of the Conscious Parenting Revolution is a phenomenal start.

I believe in your capacity to lead by example for your kids. Confident parenting is within your reach!

Love and Blessings,

Katherine