Category: Health and Wellness

I am writing to you to invite you to be part of an extraordinary conversation.

Join us at the C3 Summit and become part of a movement dedicated to Caring, Cultivating, and Co-Creating a better world for all.

Dear Katherine,

I have an 11-year-old granddaughter whose emotions are all over the place. Recently, she came home from school in an especially angry mood. I could tell something had happened, but when I asked her about it, she yelled that it was none of my business and slammed the door in my face.

Why is my granddaughter moody? What should I do? Should I give her space? I never know how to respond to her in situations like this.

Love,

Concerned Grams

Dear Concerned Grams,

First, I want to give you some good news: “bad” behavior at home means a child feels certain they’re loved no matter what.

Your granddaughter knows she can let her hair down and be difficult in front of you because you’ve created a safe place for her to fall apart. If she were to exhibit mood swings in children, this kind of behavior at school would be a symptom of a much bigger problem.

But Concerned Grams, I know this assurance doesn’t fix the problem you’re having.

What you and your granddaughter are experiencing is a classic communication breakdown. Neither of you has the necessary tools to reach the other, so you’re caught in a rut of ill-expressed feelings, hurt, and reasons a child has mood swings unmet needs.

Here’s the thing to keep in mind: children don’t have the sophisticated vocabulary or the maturity to identify their unmet needs. So 99% of the time, a child’s default reaction to emotional discomfort is to fall apart crying, screaming, kicking—or all three!

As the adults in the room, it’s our job to teach kids to self-regulate their emotions and effectively express what they need. Here’s what I recommend:

1. Depersonalize.

   No matter how personal your granddaughter’s behavior may feel to you, know that it’s not about you. Her yelling and slamming doors are symptoms of her own pain, and nothing else. As Marshall Rosenberg once said, “Never listen to the words people say.” Your grandchild’s angry words will only trigger you. So when you feel emotions begin to rise, allow yourself self-empathy and self-compassion. Take a pause and step back. Once you’ve depersonalized, then you’ll be ready to re-engage.

2. Lead them out.

   Once both you and your granddaughter have achieved a level of calmness, open a line of communication in a gentle, leading way. If you suspect the problem stems from friendships at school, for example, start with something like: “It seems like you’re feeling so distraught. You need to be seen as who you are, to be acknowledged and included, to have security in your relationships. Do you feel like one of your friends isn’t meeting these needs?” Then listen to her response—with compassion and without judgment.

3. Help them name their unmet needs.

   Because children have trouble identifying their unmet needs, they blame external factors for how they feel.

   If they’re excluded from a party invitation, for example, they feel so overwhelmed with negative emotions that the underlying unmet need (i.e. the need for belonging and friendship) goes unresolved.

   Help your granddaughter express, “I feel…because my needs aren’t being met,” instead of letting factors she can’t control dictate how she feels inside.

   Concerned Grams, when a kid is hurt, sad, or distressed, they have no idea how to reconnect in a meaningful way with those around them. But your concern is the first step to dealing with your child’s mood swings helping your granddaughter through whatever difficulties she’s experiencing.

The Art of Parenting: Balancing Fear and Encouragement as Kids Journey to Adulthood Have you ever questioned if you’re treating your children fairly? The passage of time can be perplexing. The little ones you once held in your arms now stand before you, independent individuals. In the narrative of parenthood, the query arises: “Are You A Bad Parent For Treating Your Kids Differently?”

Recollections of childhood and growth are as poignant as a melody from “Fiddler on the Roof.” The musical’s lyrics echo the sentiments of parents everywhere:

“Is this the little girl I carried? Is this the little boy at play? I don’t remember growing older, When did they?”

The story of Tevye, a Jewish milkman with five daughters, encapsulates the profound transformations parenthood ushers in. As his eldest daughter walks down the aisle, Tevye and his wife croon the lyrics to a tender lullaby.

When did she grow to be a beauty? When did he grow to be so tall? Wasn’t it yesterday when they were small?

The journey of parenting is marked by moments of joy, anxiety, and contemplation. How do you feel as you witness your children’s evolution into adults? Do hope and excitement fill your heart, or do you find traces of fear and trepidation?

The Complex Dynamic: Parenting and Differential Treatment

Modern parents, faced with the inevitability of their children’s growth, often grapple with complex emotions. A study from the American Family Survey divulges that parents establish arbitrary milestones to grapple with the unease surrounding their children’s transition to adulthood, inadvertently delaying their independence.

When asked about appropriate ages for kids to engage in unsupervised activities like playing at a park or walking home alone, the response was commonly age 13. Curiously, these same parents indicated they would permit their children to pursue employment or go on dates within a mere two years of that age.

These figures point to a deeper sentiment—fear. What underlies parental hesitation? Let’s explore:

• • Fear of danger: The foremost concern for parents is the safety of their offspring, including “How to Help Children Manage Fears”. This apprehension is natural, yet confining children to an overly sheltered existence isn’t the solution.

• • Fear of the future: The unpredictability of life, as exemplified by the abrupt shifts caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, triggers anxiety. While safeguarding children’s happiness is a priority, much remains beyond parental control.

• • Fear of separation or letting go: Observing children transition to adulthood can evoke powerful emotions of solitude and insignificance. Guiding them toward autonomy, including addressing the topic of “Fear of My Kids Growing Up,” is an essential parental duty.

Navigating the Path: Overcoming Apprehensions

Acknowledging parental apprehensions is the initial step to conquering them. Confronting these fears, not only for your sake but also for your children’s, is a rewarding endeavor.

Consider these five strategies:

• • Be a beacon of positivity: Children often mirror their parents’ emotions. Demonstrating confidence and assurance sets the tone for their own feelings of security as they navigate life’s uncertainties.
  • Offer encouragement: Adolescence can be a tumultuous period. Remember your own insecurities during those years. Providing unwavering support and conveying that emotions are transient can be immensely reassuring, addressing the query of “Why do parents treat their kids differently.”
  • Honesty matters: While encouragement is vital, it must be rooted in reality. Sugarcoating life’s challenges won’t serve your child’s development. Addressing the truth, even if uncomfortable, equips them with resilience.
  • Embrace communication: Open dialogue bridges gaps. Sharing your concerns and expectations establishes mutual understanding. Finding common ground—like agreeing on safety protocols—fosters trust.
  • Presence speaks volumes: Above all, let your children know they’re never alone. Your availability, willingness to listen, and empathy create a haven for them in a world of uncertainties.

As you ponder the ever-evolving journey of parenting, remember that nurturing your children’s growth doesn’t make you a bad parent. Embrace the transformation, and guide them with wisdom, care, and love. In the intricate dance of parenting, the paradox of nurturing is unveiled. The journey, rife with anticipation and unease, necessitates a delicate balance of guidance and release. The question—Are You A Bad Parent For Treating Your Kids Differently?—gains resonance. Our fears are not indictments of our capabilities but rather echoes of our deep-rooted love. By treading these paths—being mirrors of positivity, addressing why parents treat their kids differently, embracing the Fear of My Kids Growing Up, offering genuine encouragement, fostering honesty, nurturing communication, and embodying unwavering presence—we sculpt a roadmap to traverse the terrain of parenthood. Amidst these strategies, we unearth the remarkable truth that growing up is not solely for our children; it’s a journey we, as parents, embark upon too.

Love and Blessings, Katherine