Tag: professional coaching

What drives you in the workplace? A friend of mine told me about the advice he got when he first sought help to manage his out-of-control Type A Behavior. After filling out the usual forms, the doctor asked, “How may I help you?” My friend replied, “I don’t know where to begin.” The doctor wisely said, “Pull any loose thread—it’s all one knot.”

Aspects of Type A Behavior include a sense of urgency, impatience, competitiveness, and being easily upset. Of those four behaviors, two of them—impatience and upset—aren’t hard-wired, don’t serve you, and can easily be controlled.

You’ve heard many people talk about the “fight or flight response.” We are hard-wired to look for danger and threats. Anything that sets off an alarm in our lizard brain will trigger a physical reaction. And an emotional reaction, as well. We see the emotional reactions of people around us all the time. We probably notice our own emotional reactions, as well. Even if we don’t like to admit it.

There is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. It is all part of being human. But the people we most admire have the ability to manage the emotions and physical sensations at the moment.

Top Athletes Know-How 

One of our pleasures in Mastery Under Pressure is working with top athletes. We love helping them defeat their hardest opponent: Themselves. We often see top athletes sabotage themselves with their own thoughts and doubts. But the very elite performers have one indispensable skill: They have learned how to let it go. 

Do world-class athletes lose their tempers? All the time. In every sport. Whether it’s a tennis racquet smashed on the net or a baseball bat was thrown in disgust, we have all witnessed the best players lose their cool. But by the next point or their next at-bat, it’s as if it never happened. The best performers learn how to let it go in the moment.

Take Back Control at the Workplace

Being driven in the workplace doesn’t mean you have to let your Type A tendencies take control. Learn from the pros: Are you confused, upset, distressed, annoyed, or any of a hundred different emotions? Is work feeling more stressful these days? Tune into your body. What are you feeling and where are you feeling it? 

Is there a knot in your stomach? Do not avoid the sensation. Focus on it. What does that knot look like? Where is it located? Is it deep in your gut—or closer to your heart? Can you breathe into it? Take a deep breath and picture the air you inhale going right to the knot. Notice the knot loosen. And notice your mind calm down as well. If you start to tune into your own body, you will change the way you think and feel.

 

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There are an extraordinary number of lessons to be learned about the human psyche from this year’s Olympic Games. The first—and probably most important—is that even the world’s best have their limits. There was an excellent article in last week’s NYTimes acknowledging Simone for her courage to walk away. A path is first shown to her by Michael Phelps just before RIO 2016. But I want to talk about the lesson those moments have for all of us on a personal level.

When you yell at your kids, you know (too late) it’s not really them. When you misread a business situation or negotiation, you know (too late) you lost your inner control. When you judge (or pre-judge) a date or loved one, you know (too late) “it’s not them.” In our Mastery Under Pressure program, you master the tools and techniques to put aside those inner doubts, old demons, and unproductive thoughts that are getting in your way on a day-to-day level.  But no matter how good you get at self-control, we’re all human—and the ultimate mastery is to know when you’ve reached your limits.

 

Too Smart for His Own Good

One of our associates raced cars in his teens and 20s, and one day he just stopped. When he was asked why, he said, “I was too smart for my own good. While most of the time I could focus on the event, every once in a while I would think about what I was doing and what could happen. If you want to master anything, you can’t be thinking about what failure would mean.”

 

True Mastery Means Knowing Your Own Limits 

Everyone—from the CEO in the corner office to the tennis champion on the center court—comes up against their limits. So how do you know? First, you recognize those limits are coming from inside, not any external circumstances. Think about just a few of the ways we encounter obstacles or distractions. Mastery Under Pressure is about putting aside our inner doubts and handling the situation. But there are signs we give ourselves that should be a signal that we’re approaching (or exceeding) our limits:

• lack of sleep
• relationships suffering
• kids being angry at you for not being there
• colleagues being disappointed
• physical ailments
• addictions to food, drugs, alcohol
• your mind doesn’t shut off
• you’re not making good decisions
• you lack confidence in the decisions you are making

Almost all of those are ways we and the world around us try to tell ourselves that we’re either reaching our limits or we’ve headed down the wrong path. That’s the moment when the ultimate expression of mastery has to come forward: You have to know when to stop. That’s the Olympic way.

 

Making Healthy Olympic-Like Choices

Again, I salute those athletes who’ve stepped up and stepped away, saying, “No mas!” Forty years ago, the boxer Roberto Duran uttered those words to the referee as he quit in the middle of his world championship bout with Sugar Ray Leonard. 40 years ago, the few voices that acknowledged what he did were drowned out by the scorn our culture and our society heaped upon Duran. We’ve come a long way. And we have further to go. It’s worth noting that every Olympic athlete who’s walked away (so far) has been competing as an individual athlete, not as a member of a team. There are probably a few of those who would like to stop but don’t want to let their teammates down. We hope the day will come when they will have the courage to do so…and all of us will acknowledge them, not judge them. 

Until then, I invite all of you to keep making Your Best, Better!

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‘Can you afford a professional coach?’, is a good question. But the better question is, ‘How much are willing to spend on a lack of results?”

The classic HR joke goes as follows: 

The CEO and the head of HR have a conversation… “What’s the point of training our people?” The CEO asks. “They’ll just take what they learned and leave for another job.”

 “Maybe,” the HR person responds. “But what if we don’t train them—and they stay?”

Every company we know has someone who could benefit from a professional coach. Usually, a top performer that lacks the all-around tools that make their department or the company run smoothly. 

 

Maybe It’s You 

Evaluated your own all-around skills lately? When was the last time you got a promotion or a raise? Being the best at what you do will only get you so far. Even the most talented Academy Award® or Grammy Award® winner can get a reputation as being difficult to work with…and find themselves doing daytime quiz shows to pay their kids’ tuition. Maybe you should take a day this weekend and do an honest, face-to-face evaluation of yourself.

 

What’s the Cost To You and Your Company? 

How much is it costing you not to address the problem? If you’re that person we’re talking about, what’s the salary gap between what you earn now and what you could be earning if you were an all-around top performer and team player? Multiply those lost earnings by 20 years and we’re talking about the difference between a retirement villa in Spain or a cookie-cutter house in a Florida development. 

 

What’s Not Having a Professional Coach Costing Your Company?

What’s the quantifiable cost (medical, paid sick leave) of the stress a challenging top performer puts on other people in your organization? If you’re the CEO or that person’s C-Suite boss, how many sleepless nights did you have to try to decide whether to fire them or not? And what about the people you haven’t been able to recruit? How many other great hires have been warned not to work for that person or your company? What’s your company’s valuation number on Glassdoor? How many new clients did you lose because of that person’s insensitivity?

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Can you be coached for your professional life? Do you honestly believe you know everything there is to know about managing your work, your team, your company, or your personal life? Virtually every top executive and producer who works with us start the work by announcing:

1. “I’m uncoachable” 
2. “This will never work.” 

We assure them that’s okay with us, and then we get down to the business of professional coaching…

Toughest Case 

One of our toughest cases was a writer who’d won every award in two industries – Emmys and Effies (in the television industry), One Show, Clio, and Aurora Awards in advertising (she has given us permission to tell this story). But along the way she’d left a trail of bad feelings, lost business, and a lengthening resume. She told us once about a conversation she’d had with a former boss. 

“No one wants to work with me,” she told him.

“Everyone wants to work with you,” her ex-boss said. “No one can figure out how.”

By the time she started working with us, she had 18 jobs on her resume and each stint was getting shorter and shorter. She was, as she now admits, the very definition of a diva (i.e. ‘Pain in the Butt’). 

Being Coached

When we first started working with her, she was resistant to the slightest suggestion. She was terrified (although she didn’t admit it at the time) of the slightest tinkering with her self-image. Finally, we broke it down to the smallest possible baby steps: “Do you think you could meditate for three minutes today?”

We suggested that for nearly a month before she said, “Oh, okay, sure”, with zero degrees of certainty. When she reported she’d done it, we asked her if she felt any less creative. She reluctantly admitted, “No.” It took us nearly a year to increase “3 minutes today” to what is now her regular 30-minute routine. 

Along the way, she discovered that her creative skills haven’t diminished and her people and team skills have increased exponentially. When her former husband gave her an unsolicited compliment that she seemed calmer and more self-assured than he’d ever seen her before, she went from being our toughest critic to one of our biggest fans. 

But our biggest fan of all is her current employer. The CEO and her colleagues no longer have to hold their breath when she goes into meetings or on calls with clients. Now they have the rewards of all her talent as well as her talents as a new-found people person.

So much for not being able to be coached…

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When it comes to professional coaching, too many of us think “leadership coaching” or “leadership training” is an oxymoron. 

“How can you coach a leader?” is the question we often get asked. “If they’re already leaders, they don’t need professional coaching.” 

Those two statements are both inaccurate. If you believe them, you’re operating under a competitive handicap. 

We’re going to assume you’re a Top Performer in your field. By that, we mean you run a company that’s #1 or #2 in its industry, and/or you are the best in your company at what you do. 

As you know, there’s a term in business called “benchmarking.” The practice of comparing your company’s performance to either industry standards or looking at best practices in other industries that you can adapt to yours. And, of course, comparing your individual performance to those same standards.

But business leaders have a blind spot. Probably acquired while getting our MBA degrees. Most business schools studied…businesses. Very few business schools look outside the corporate universe to give us case studies that we can apply to our jobs and our careers. 

“I’m Already a Leader; I Don’t Need Professional Coaching”

Most of us were involved in some kind of organized activity growing up – sports, music, theater, dance. No matter what we did, every activity had a coach (or two). Sometimes a volunteer dad or mom. Sometimes a local artist or semi-retired professional. They taught us the basics and stayed with us until we got the hang of it. 

Like training wheels on a bicycle, one day we realized we didn’t need them anymore, we put them away…and that’s the level at which we stayed. Somewhere on the spectrum between “I’m Not Embarrassed” (most amateurs, for example) all the way up to “Local Hero” (your annual golf club or YMCA champion).

But if you want to be the best at what you do, you need a coach right up until (and after) you become the G.O.A.T! Dustin Johnson has a coach—fellow Tour professional Rory McIlroy! Maroon 5 has a coach—Steve Memel. Every top performing artist in the world has a coach. Tennis star Naomi Osaka has a coach—Wim Fissette. And when they interviewed him after Naomi’s 2021 Australian Open victory, he articulated exactly what Mastery Under Pressure is all about: 

“When her attitude is good, her mind is very clear what she needs to do, what she wants to do and then she plays well.”

What’s Your Leadership Style?

In a February 2020 blog posting on HubSpot, Braden Becker lists eight common leadership styles: 

• Democratic
• Autocratic
• Laissez-Faire
• Strategic
• Transformational
• Transactional
• Coaching
• Bureaucratic

What almost everyone forgets is that in order to be a leader you need people to lead. Whatever you call them:

Employees, Teammates, Associates, Peers, Co-Workers, Partners, Staff, Colleagues or Collaborators—how well you’re able to engage with them will determine your success or failure as a leader.  Being a leader automatically implies you have a relationship with the people around you. And suddenly, your skills as a leader require you also to have skills connecting with and managing other human beings.

A friend of ours was president of a global advertising agency. People who worked for him loved him, respected him, and were in awe of his mind and his knowledge of marketing. But one of his direct reports also knew his weak spot:

“[He’s] like the drum major of a college band at the halftime show. He comes out first or bursts out of the band wearing that beautiful fur hat and pumping his baton in time to the music. Then he ups his gait and starts striding down the field two to three yards at a time. But he forgets to look back to see if the band is following.”

What good is being a leader if you don’t engage your followers? 

Professional Coaching is a Smart Leadership Strategy

If you want to get to the top of your game and stay there, you should add a coach to your organization or your toolbox. A professional coach is not a “therapist.” Not a “trainer.” Not someone with a “method.” Rather, an individual or organization with the ability to understand what you’re looking to achieve and can help you get there. 

It’s what Naomi Osaka’s coach talked about: “When her attitude is good, her mind is very clear what she needs to do, what she wants to do, and then she plays well.” All of those attributes are learned skills. That’s what we mean by benchmarking athletes. The great ones know how to let anything that’s bothering them go…in the moment. 

Do you have a good attitude when things get tense at work?

Do you know how to keep your mind clear and focused on what you need to do at all times? Do you keep your eye on your goals and not get distracted? 

A great professional or leadership coach should focus on a top performer’s unique talents and abilities. They should be able to assess and evaluate what it is that makes the person great. But they should also be able to evaluate the blind spots. To see where that performer’s skills get in the way of being even more successful. If you get that kind of coaching, well, who knows how far you and your company could go?

Or as we like to say, “Make your best, better.”

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