Author: Katherine Sellery

Every shiny surface became an irresistible pitstop where her child would eagerly ask, “Can I look at myself?”

While she chuckled at this toddlerhood quirk, she couldn’t shake her unease. Is it normal for kids to be self-centered?

As parents and caregivers, we’ve all faced this question at some point. Whether it’s the constant demand of “Look at me!” or behavior like:

• Refusing to share their toys or snacks with siblings.
• Poking and pestering their older brother or sister with no regard for their feelings.
• Being entirely absorbed in their own little world.

…it’s easy to wonder if your child’s self-focused behavior is something to worry about.

The Truth About Self-Centered Kids

Renowned psychologist Alice Miller, in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child, highlights an important truth: children who are allowed to fully experience themselves are the ones who grow up showing greater compassion and empathy for others.

Here’s the bottom line: kids need to develop their own sense of self before they can genuinely consider others. In other words, fostering healthy self-centeredness is an essential part of their emotional and social growth.

So, when is it “okay” for children to exhibit self-centered behavior?

1. When They’re Discovering Themselves

Young children start with an undifferentiated sense of self. As babies, they don’t yet grasp the concept of “others” or individual needs—they see the world entirely through their own perspective.

Parents can help by encouraging this natural development of self-awareness. Building a strong sense of “me” allows children to cultivate the autonomy and self-direction they’ll need throughout life.

2. When They Aren’t Ready to Share

Sharing doesn’t come naturally—it’s a skill children grow into. As the old saying goes, “An apple falls to the ground when it’s ripe.”

Similarly, kids will naturally begin sharing when they are developmentally ready. Forcing this behavior prematurely can backfire, leaving children feeling resentful or misunderstood.

Instead, trust the process. Authentic empathy and the willingness to share arise organically when a child’s emotional milestones are reached.

3. When They’re Asking for Attention

We all want to feel seen and heard, and for kids, this need is especially pronounced. Craving attention is a normal part of their emotional development, and meeting this need isn’t “spoiling” them—it’s supporting their growth.

Denying children the attention they seek can lead to long-term issues, including unmet emotional needs that linger into adulthood. Encouraging them to voice their needs helps nurture their emotional resilience and confidence.

Remember, your child depends on you. Responding to their needs—whether it’s emotional reassurance, help with homework, or simply being there—is an integral part of conscious parenting.

Conscious Parenting Revolution: Supporting Healthy Growth

If your child seems self-centered at times, know that this behavior is entirely normal. It’s a vital stage in their development, laying the foundation for empathy and consideration later on.

For parents wondering how to deal with self-centered parents who might pressure them to raise children differently, consider the Conscious Parenting Revolution approach. It’s about balancing empathy for your child’s needs with fostering long-term emotional health and independence. Curious about how to nurture healthy self-centeredness in your child? Let’s connect—I’d love to guide you through this transformative parenting journey.

Love and Blessings,
Katherine

Mark your calendar:

• Date: Friday, November 15th, 2024
• Event: Face of Woha Speakers Finals, Crowning, and Award Ceremony
• Location: Hotel in the Heart of London City

If you’re nearby, come join us in this exciting gathering! This event offers a unique platform where women feel empowered and safe to express themselves, and I would love for you to experience it firsthand.

As a Conscious Parenting Coach, I’ve dedicated my work to helping parents create deeper, more meaningful connections with their children. Through the Conscious Parenting Revolution, I’ve equipped thousands of parents with tools to foster healthy communication rooted in love, care, and mutual respect.

At the Breaking The Ice Talk, I’ll be speaking on The Power of Intention and diving into the creative process. This is an invaluable opportunity to see firsthand how we co-create with life to bring about the outcomes we desire.

Let’s continue this journey of growth, compassion, and resilience together. I’d love to see you at the event or, if you can’t make it, follow along for highlights afterward.

Love and Blessings,
Katherine Sellery

Let’s use Halloween as a chance to bond, have fun, and enjoy stress free halloween activities with our families. Here are some simple parenting tips for halloween stress to keep it spooky but stress-free.

1. Custom Costumes:
The pressure to find the perfect costume can sometimes feel overwhelming. Rather than focusing on perfection, focus on creativity and self-expression. Encourage kids to get imaginative with what’s available and support them as they bring their costume ideas to life. Collaborative costume planning not only eases the stress but also helps you stay connected as a family.

2. Spooky Season Self-Regulation:
Halloween can be overstimulating with all the excitement, treats, and social buzz. Help kids regulate by preparing for the highs and lows, whether it’s managing big feelings during games or easing into trick-or-treating. A few deep breaths together—breathe in 2, 3, 4, hold 2, 3, 4, breathe out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6—can go a long way in co-regulating their energy and emotions.

3. Making Meaningful Halloween Memories:
Halloween is about more than costumes and candy. Think of this as a whole-season opportunity for family bonding, from baking treats together to storytelling or pumpkin carving. These moments can be meaningful and memorable, often more lasting than any store-bought costume.

4. Empathy Behind the Mask:
Halloween is also a great time to practice empathy. Kids can learn about sharing and including others, whether it’s candy, fun activities, or simply enjoying time with friends and family.

With a little planning, you can create a stress free halloween for the whole family—enjoying the fun without the overwhelm!

Happy Haunting!

Are parents concerned that their child is too shy? Perhaps their child is the kind of kid who hangs back in class or takes a while to warm up to new places or people. They might prefer to read or draw by themselves rather than play with a group of peers. It’s natural for parents and caregivers to worry about their kids’ self-confidence, as self-confidence is an integral part of growing into a well-adjusted and independent adult. However, just because a child exhibits shyness doesn’t mean they are insecure or lack confidence. They may simply be more introverted than extroverted—and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Eradicating the Stigma of “Shy”
In her book, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” Susan Cain discusses how society largely undervalues introversion, despite the fact that over one-third of the population consists of introverts. Introverts exhibit many positive traits, including empathic listening, thoughtfulness, and self-reliance. In fact, because introverts usually prefer doing things independently, they may be more self-directed and independent than their extroverted peers. So, how can parents provide the necessary support for their introverted child?

4 Ways to Support an Introverted Child

1. Create an environment where they can thrive.
   Many children’s activities are geared toward extroverts. It’s essential for parents and caregivers to provide spaces for introverted kids to feel seen and heard. If a child is uncomfortable in group sharing activities, suggesting a one-on-one or smaller group session can be beneficial. Many introverts also excel at writing; parents can encourage their child to start a journal to express themselves or set them up with a long-distance pen pal. Thinking outside the box can help find settings where an introverted child can be most comfortable.
2. Don’t try to modify their behavior.
   While it’s perfectly fine to encourage children to make friends, parents should avoid doing this to modify their behavior or push them into extroversion. This approach is unlikely to succeed. Instead, parents should give their child the opportunity to connect with others on their terms. They may not be the most outspoken child in class, but they could become a cherished companion to a neighbor or a family friend. Providing space for children to choose who they let into their lives is crucial.
3. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings.
   A child can be assertive without being loud or talkative. Parents should encourage their child to express themselves, especially if they feel bullied or ignored. It’s important to assure them they can always come to a parent to discuss anything on their mind.
4. Let them know that their introversion is a gift.
   In a world overly focused on extroverts, parents should emphasize the value of introversion to their child. Sharing stories of successful introverts—such as writers, composers, artists, and politicians—can help reinforce this message. Reminding children that each individual has a unique set of gifts to contribute to society can empower them.

Introversion is NOT a negative trait! The next time someone comments about a child being “shy,” parents can confidently explain that quiet doesn’t necessarily mean insecure. Just like still waters, introversion runs deep—and strong!

As part of the Conscious Parenting Revolution, it is crucial to embrace and support children as they navigate their own paths. Parents can learn how to raise a confident introverted child by fostering an understanding and accepting environment.By Eradicating the Stigma of “Shy”: Why “Introverted” Doesn’t Necessarily Mean “Insecure” parents can raise children who are not only confident but also proud of their introverted traits. Remember, raising an introverted child can be an enriching experience when approached with love and understanding.