Author: Dominick Quartuccio

3 Self Imposed Ceilings of High Achievers

Hot Roast Beef with Gravy??

During my senior year of high school, I never came off the football field. I was a receiver, cornerback, kick returner and punt returner.

I was one of the best-conditioned guys on the team, at least during the practices…

Because it was confounding when, for the 3^rd consecutive game, my team had to call an injury time out because I was suffering massive calf cramps.

You know, the type where your foot is agonizingly stuck in the pointed position and the only relief is to literally grab and yank it back into place.

So, for the 3^rd consecutive week, Trainer Bob had to race onto the field to tend to my suddenly delicate calves.

Perplexed, Trainer Bob says “this never happens to you during practice…not even during 3-a-days.”

“I know, this SUCKS.”

“What are you eating before the games?”

To which I reply, “a hot roast beef with gravy sub from the Italian Carousel.”

I’m dead serious.

Trainer Bob, genuinely one of the kindest and most-beloved high school staffers ever to walk the halls of Ramsey High School, simply responded

“Are you (bleeping) kidding me?!?”

 

Blind Spots = Self-Imposed Ceilings

I’m pretty sure this story illustrates how ignorant I was about nutrition.

I legitimately thought a hot roast beef with gravy sub would provide me the necessary protein to be a champion on game day.

Was I a first-class dumbass? Most certainly.

Was I also well-intentioned and just wildly misguided? Most certainly.

This isn’t a conversation about nutrition, as much as I’d love to have that conversation with you. Rather, I’m addressing a much broader context of challenges:

Your Blind Spots that create Self Imposed Ceilings.

As a high-performance coach to individuals and companies, I see so many well-intentioned yet wildly misguided behaviors that are routinely sidelining your ability to perform and expand at the speed with which you want.

 

Here are a few big ones:

1. Feeling Guilty for Wanting More

“I feel like my husband will take it personally if I tell him I’m bored and unfulfilled with my life.”

“Everyone tells me I’ve done so well for myself. Maybe I should just be grateful for everything I already have instead of wanting more.”

“I’m responsible for so many other people’s wants and needs. I can’t just abandon them…but I’ve never got any time for me, and I can feel my resentment mounting.”

Guilt like this will keep you stuck in a state of drift for years, or a lifetime.

Guilt is nothing more than the “shoulds” and “supposed tos” that you’ve allowed someone else to force upon you. That’s their expectations and beliefs, not your own.
Operating from guilt and sensed-obligation is one of the lowest forms of energy you can come from. Your force will be diluted and the lack of authenticity will toxify everything you touch.

 

Plus, it’s impossible to design a future you can’t wait to live into when you’re carrying a guilt albatross around your neck.

 

2. Mistaking Compulsion for Drive

As a high achiever, one of the top-shelf compliments you can receive is someone acknowledging you as “being driven.”

In my experience, however, it’s rarely drive that’s fueling your behavior…it’s often unintentional compulsion.

Unintentional compulsion is the unconscious need to keep pushing, performing and achieving…without the ability to identify why or for what you’re doing it all for.

It’s like you’re being commanded to do something, not of your own free will.

Drive, on the other hand, is the conscious intentional choice to do something when you know precisely why it matters in the context of your life.

Drive is purpose based.

Compulsion is fear based.

Here’s how you can tell the difference:

If your wins are fleeting, and your losses are extra painful, you’re operating from compulsion.
If your wins are deeply satisfying and your losses are welcomed catalysts for growth, you’re driven.

 

3. Your Language Does Not Equal Their Language

When I was at NYU for my MBA, my marketing professor had our class play the following game:

Write down a percentage that corresponds with these words:

• Always
• Sometimes
• Never

For example, if John were to say he “always” did something, how often – in terms of a percentage – did he do it?

Our class of 50 people had astonishingly different answers.

The range for “always” was 5% to 100% of the time.

When I hear “always,” I take that to mean 100% of the time.

Reggie was the guy who said “always” meant 5% of the time. He explained that “No one ever does what they say they’re going to do.”

Can you imagine the communication breakdown between Reggie and someone who thought “always” means 100% of the time?

What if they were boss and employee?

Husband and wife?

Parent and child?

Could you imagine the potential implications of this language barrier as you extend it to entire organizations and ecosystems of people?

No wonder we all feel misunderstood.

As a coach and facilitator for diverse groups of people, I’m constantly double-clicking on people’s use of language so I can understand how they experience the words they use, and how they interpret the words used by their co-workers, spouses, children etc.

I have the same kind of Trainer-Bob-discovering-I’m-eating-hot-roast-beef-with-gravy-type-of-amazement when I unpack how much discrepancy there is between two people’s meanings for the same words.

If you rarely find yourself asking this question, “tell me what (fill in the blank with the word/phrase in question) means to you,” then I can guarantee you that you’re unconsciously creating communication conflicts.

And it’s keeping you stuck.

 

Awaken to Your Blind Spots

Here are 2 of my favorite information sources for to create Intentional Awakenings to your blind spots:

1. Book: The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield
2. Podcast: Impact Theory by Tom Bilyeu

My book, Design Your Future, also has a roadmap for avoiding the trappings above.

#TakeCommand

-DQ

PS – If you’re looking for a speaker to illuminate the Blind Spots and destroy the Self Imposed Ceilings in your business, here’s a list of my speaking topics.

 

 

 

Are You a Slave to Optics? ​​​​​​​

I was talking to a Talented Non-Millennial Sales Guy who was sharing some “observations” about his Millennial support person.

“He’s awesome. Always gets his work done. But he thinks he deserves a promotion and I tell him…dude, you get into the office at 9:00am and leave by 5:00pm. How are you going to get promoted that way?”

I double-clicked, “Does this guy miss deadlines, fail to get his work done and make your performance suffer?”

Sales Guy responds, “well no…he’s awesome. But it’s the optics. When I was in his role, I got to the office at 7:00am. It just doesn’t look like he works very hard.”

 

Stepping in Your Own Bear Trap

Nearly every high performer I work with agrees on one thing: they’d like to be working less.

The 10-12 hour workdays over a 3, 4 or 5-decade career wear you down to a nub.

But then you go on perpetuating your own problem – like defending outdated, irrelevant “optics” about time logged – that keeps everyone, namely YOU, stuck in the same purgatory.

You’ve stepped in your own bear trap.

“Optics” really means:

“I prioritize my actions based not on what’s most important, useful or being true to myself, but on how you will perceive it.”

Said differently,

“Fear drives my behavior.”

When fear drives your behavior, you’re drifting.

Drifting extinguishes your fire and creates a malaise sandwich between two slices of resentment. 

When you drift day after day, month after month, year after year…

…death sentence.

 

Living by Optics = Opposite of Freedom

Acting in accordance with what’s most important, useful or living in your truth isn’t always “optically pleasing” to others and naturally invites unfriendly fire.

Case in point, the talented Millennial who works 8 productive hours and yet still takes crap for not slogging it out under the fluorescent sun gods just so others can approve of his physical whereabouts.

So when it comes to optics, you’re always forced to make a decision based on what you value more:

1.     Your freedom, or

2.     What people think of you

 

Break Free From Optics, Break Free From Drift

Going back to the Talented Non-Millennial Sales Guy, I asked him whether he liked his 12 hour days and inability to take a vacation without “checking in” on his work before his family wakes up (and after they go to bed).

He let out that resigned sigh which told me everything I need to know: It decimates his freedom and feeling of agency in every part of his life….yet he doesn’t see that it could possibly be any other way.

Talented Non-Millennial Sales Guy is not alone.

“Optics” drives an inordinate amount of behavior, particularly in the workplace.

Which means not just individuals, but teams, divisions and entire organizations are stuck in the hypnotic rhythm of drift.

And the long-term consequences are devastating.

But the good news is about all of this is: it’s 100% your choice to stay stuck in your bear trap or free yourself.

 

Final Thought: A Game To Play

Next time you feel like doing something that’s in accordance with what’s most important, useful or in alignment with your truth…but you DON’T do it…check in with precisely what the reason was that stopped you.

Play this game for a day, or better yet a week. A theme will emerge of where your greatest fears come from, and how they are keeping you stuck.

Once you’ve identified your #1 enemy, you’re one step closer to slaying that dragon.

Freedom awaits.

#TakeCommand

– DQ

PS – I help individuals, teams and organizations break free from drift, especially the BS of running a business driven by “optics.” If you feel your team or business is fueled by antiquated and corrosive optics, email me at Dominick@D to inquire about a dose of freedom serum.

The 3 Types of People in Your Life

You’ve heard the adage: You are the average of the 5 people you spend most time with.

Let’s do a riff on that.

Think of the people you spend the most time with in these contexts:

• Work
• Family
• Socially

Which version of you do they relate to:

1. Historical You: Those who cling to an antiquated version of who you once were. They themselves are likely stuck in the past, and don’t want to acknowledge the who you’ve become. Your progress is threatening to them because it means you’re leaving them behind.
2. Present Day You: Those who see you as you are today – your current title, marital status, financial status, etc. They are supportive of this version of you. They are comfortable with your progress, as long as it’s not too big, bold or dramatic. Too much change too quickly scares them, also because they fear being left behind.
3. Highest Self You: That rare breed of person who sees past your present-day greatness and limitations and only speaks to the most elevated version of who you are, and who you can become.

 

What Type Do You Surround Yourself With Most? 

I reckon our biggest impediment to progress is the percentage of #2’s we carry around (so true on so many levels…).

While the #2’s are well-intentioned, and their support feels comforting…when they become the predominant influence in your life, they can anchor you to your present state. The size and speed of your progress is hindered.

Therefore, your growth is directly correlated to the percentage of people in your life that speak to the Highest Self version of you.

These are the people who stand tall for you even when you’re unwilling to do so for yourself. They are the ones who call you on your BS.

They are the ones who push you beyond what you believe is possible.

It’s because they see YOU.

Not who you were, not who you are now, but YOU.

 

I Challenge You….

Challenge #1: Take 60 seconds and identify the people in your life who belong in category #3 – those who only relate to the Highest Self version of You.

Challenge #2: Identify a strategy to create one more #3 to each of the contexts – work, family, socially – in your life.

Your Highest Self Awaits.

-DQ

PS – If you want to accelerate your path to your Highest Self, be sure to pre-order my book – Design Your Future: Stop Drifting and Start Living – which is set to hit Amazon in November/December.

 

The Real Enemy

(Today’s post is also the feature article in this month’s issue of Gloss magazine, an online publication featuring entrepreneurs and lifestyle designers).

Your enemy isn’t pain.

The real enemy is when you don’t feel much of anything at all.

As a speaker, trainer and coach to high-performing big shots like you, I often find myself face-to-face with highly successful people who can’t seem to figure out why they are increasingly restless in the lives they’ve created for themselves.

On the one hand, you may genuinely enjoy the work you do, you’re compensated handsomely, hold an esteemed position in your work and community, and love/are loved by those around you.

Yet on the other hand you’re simply less interested in the life you’ve created for yourself. What once excited you, doesn’t as much anymore. Your highs aren’t all that high, your lows aren’t all that low. And you don’t know why.

Other than the occasional frustration or fleeting moment of happiness, you can’t escape the feeling that you’re not feeling much at all.

Yet you still want to protect the life you have.

And life isn’t painful enough yet to change.

So you remain…drifting into a future of More of the Same.

TRAPPED

This word keeps coming up over and over again when I’m with high performers: “Trapped.”
Sometimes it’s spoken explicitly. Other times, it’s lurking back there behind a façade of achievement, a quiet desperation that something is not quite right, you just don’t know what.

Continue reading full article..

– DQ

PS – In case you missed it, I was featured on the ChooseFI podcast (FI = Financial Independence) last week.

It was their #1 highest downloaded podcast with over 10,000 downloads in the first day alone.

We unpack the key concepts of my book Design Your Future: Stop Drifting and Start Living

• How to know if you’re drifting in life? Is your life path based on fear?
• Why most people feel a lack of “progress” in their lives and why this experience can feel subtly devastating
• How to interrupt your limiting patterns of beliefs and behaviors
• Practical steps on how to design a future you can’t wait to live into

Check out episode #33 of the ChooseFI podcast by clicking here.

If you have a commute, a workout or long plane ride coming up, you definitely need to check out this ChooseFI podcast.

 

When you’ve outgrown your ecosystem, you’re usually the last one to know. You start to feel uninspired by your surroundings and the people in it. You’ve worked on yourself, climbed new mountains and added new skills while the rest of your tribe has stagnated.
You’re conflicted because you genuinely like – or even love – the people around you. But on a deeper level you’re restless and unfulfilled.

This is one of the most common challenges I see in my work with high-performers.

Staying stuck in an ecosystem you’ve outgrown, no matter how familiar and comfortable it feels to you, is like a death sentence for your potential.

Here are 5 ways to tell if you’ve outgrown your ecosystem:

 

1.       What once excited you now bores you.

…but everyone in your ecosystem still only wants to do the stuff that now bores you.

And since your work and/or personal relationships may have been forged around these things that now bore you, you feel like you have to pretend to like it because…what’s your alternative?

You feel stuck.

 

2. People’s problems seem ridiculously small to you.

The stuff that downright debilitates other people is junior varsity for you.

You can see the cause, effect and solution of their problems in a nanosecond…even if they’ve been stuck for months, years or even a lifetime.

You’ve outgrown their problems.

You want BIGGER problems.

The quality of your problems determine the quality of your life.

Better yet, the quality of the problems of the people closest to you also determine the quality of your life. Choose wisely.

 

3. You’ve become a dumping ground for other people’s problems

Because you’ve got your sh*t figured out, everyone wants a piece of what you’ve got. But the problem is, no one wants to work for it the way you did. They want your shortcuts.

So they come to you for “advice” or to “pick your brain,” which mostly means they just want to unload some garbage and soak up your awesomeness so they can go back to living their default life…

…while you now get to carry the crapbag they dumped on you.

 

4. No one understands your problems.

The people around you make you feel guilty for wanting to dream bigger, move faster, climb higher. “You should be grateful for what you have,” becomes the resounding chorus.

They don’t understand your unrest and desire to keep expanding, for expanding threatens safety.  And they value safety above all else.

And your disdain for safety is at an all time high.

 

​​​​​​​5. Lack of “Hell Yeas!” on your horizon.

If you look out at your future, is there anything on the horizon that evokes a Hell Yea! feeling of anticipation? Anything that makes you puke in your throat a little?

Or is it just More of the Same?

If your ecosystem is full of vibrant people, meaningful challenges and novel opportunities…then you’ll be beating off Hell Yea’s with a stick.

 

Well now what?

If you’ve figured out you’ve officially outgrown your ecosystem, congratulations. It means you’ve grown and it’s time to level up. And there’s no time to waste.

In the coming weeks I’ll be writing about ways to make this challenging – and transformational – transition.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear if this caused an Awakening on your end…so share your experiences with me.

-DQ​​​​​​​

PS – If you’re serious about leveling up, I offer an intense 3-on-1 (3 of us, 1 of you) short-term breakthrough coaching experience that’s not for the faint of heart. Perfect for those ready to answer the call.

Next intake is mid-October and are receiving interviews over the next few weeks. Inquire now.

 

One Personal Finance Podcast You Need to Know

(Your boy is this week’s featured guest on a personal finance podcast that gets millions of downloads…and I’m proud to share that my episode set a single day record for downloads – over 10,000! Read on to download and listen to said record-breaking episode below.)

Here’s a podcast you need to know: ChooseFI (FI stands for Financial Independence)

They launched only 6 months ago and they’re already getting millions of downloads.

They’re trending towards being a top-10 business podcast on iTunes.

 

Why Are These Guys So Popular?

The Financial Independence movement, or FI, is a small but rapidly growing community of freedom-enthusiasts who are committed to achieving financial freedom in a radically short period of time, such as 3-5 years.

Meaning, you save enough money in 3-5 years that you can leave the workforce, live off the interest income stream of your savings and live a lifestyle of your own design.
Sounds insane, unrealistic and impossible right?

Except there’s an entire movement of people already living this lifestyle.

The ChooseFI podcast is showing people how to make this Everest-type goal approachable, practical and attainable by focusing on 3 simple pillars:

1. Reducing spending
2. Increasing income
3. Investing the savings to provide income stream when you leave the labor market

Every episode is packed with super actionable techniques – like how to start your journey to socking away 50-80% of your annual income, paying off debt in radically truncated periods of time, investment strategies, and travel rewards hacking.

What I love about this movement is that it addresses financial drift – and puts the tools back in your hands to design a financial future that you can’t wait to live into.

 

I’m Episode #33’s Featured Guest

I was their featured guest on episode #33, marking their first venture into the personal development arena.

The result?

They broke a new single-day record with over 10,000 downloads yesterday (32% over their previous record).

I’m not bragging but…

We unpack the key concepts of my book Design Your Future: Stop Drifting and Start LivingIn this episode:

• How to know if you’re drifting in life? Is your life path based on fear?
• Why most people feel a lack of “progress” in their lives and why this experience can feel subtly devastating
• How to interrupt your limiting patterns of beliefs and behaviors
• Practical steps on how to design a future you can’t wait to live into

Check out episode #33 of the ChooseFI podcast by clicking here.

-DQ

PS – If you have a commute, a workout or long plane ride coming up, you definitely need to check out this ChooseFI podcast.