Every year, approximately 150,000 lives are lost to drug, alcohol, and suicide-related causes in America. These sobering statistics underscore the isolation many individuals feel in their struggles. Yet, as October unfolds, it brings a vital reminder: it is World Mental Health Day.
On this day, mental health experts, psychologists, and wellness advocates come together to share an important message — you are not alone. In a world marked by turmoil and loss, we stand in solidarity, reminding each other of the strength found in connection.
Having personally faced the profound sorrow of losing my brother to suicide, I have come to understand how shared experiences can lead us to suppress our emotions and needs. Unmet needs can lead to devastating outcomes. It was through this painful journey that my dedication to conscious parenting and mental health awareness truly began to evolve.
Our society requires more than mere acknowledgment of mental health issues; it needs an active commitment to promoting mental wellness. We must arm ourselves with strategies for effective communication, emotional management, and navigating life’s challenges with compassion.
Draw Figure 8s: Using your index and middle fingers, trace a figure 8 pattern around your eyes. Varying the pressure helps integrate the right and left brain, promoting balance and harmony.
Practice Alternate Nostril Breathing: This technique involves breathing through one nostril at a time to achieve deeper breaths and reduce anxiety. Start by blocking the right nostril, inhale through the left, then switch to block the left nostril and exhale through the right. Repeat, alternating nostrils.
Engage in Ha! Exhales: Form fists with your hands, take a deep breath, and exhale forcefully with a “HA!” while bending forward. This exercise helps calm your mind, induce relaxation, and release built-up tension.
As we navigate our journeys, let’s continuously remind one another that we are not alone. Together, we can face our challenges and foster a supportive community.
Do you remember your child as a baby? When they accidentally hit their head on the crib or were startled awake by a loud noise? Those seconds felt endless as you waited for that first gulp of air—often followed by a piercing cry.
Breathing is the most hardwired, involuntary function we perform as human beings. Every creature, great or small, breathes. It sustains life, and we don’t even have to think about it—breathing happens as reflexively as our heartbeats.
Yet, despite its importance, we often take breathing for granted.
Recent studies from the Harvard Business Review and Yale News highlight the benefits of SKY Breath Meditation. This breathing technique engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps regulate rational thinking, promotes calmness, and maintains balance during stressful situations. Participants in these studies reported significant improvements in mental health and well-being after practicing the techniques for just two days.
As someone trained in SKY Breath Meditation for 10 years, I can attest that breathing does far more than just supply oxygen to your body. The way we breathe directly influences how we feel and navigate the world. Breathing well makes your quality of life better, especially when faced with everyday challenges.
If you’ve been feeling stressed, depressed, or overwhelmed—whether by current events, holiday preparations, or your child’s endless love for “Baby Shark”—you’re not alone.
Here are some tips to help you literally catch your breath (and share them with your child too!):
DEEPER INHALES AND LONGER EXHALES: When your child cries, their breaths often turn into hiccups. Adults, too, begin breathing rapidly when stressed. In these moments, consciously focus on taking deep breaths, counting to four for inhales and eight for exhales (or as close as possible). This practice can help clear your mind in seconds. Best Breathing Exercises for parents include incorporating these deeper inhales and longer exhales into your routine.
QUICK, LIGHT STRETCHING: Feeling the pressure of deadlines or a growing to-do list? Take five minutes for a quick stretch. Full-body activities, like a yoga sun salutation, get oxygen flowing and help relieve stress.
CARVE OUT TIME FOR MEDITATION: Even ten minutes of focused breathing or meditation can have positive effects. If ten minutes feels too long, take just two. Find a quiet space, sit comfortably, and focus on deep breathing. Explore our partnership with America Meditates by the Art of Living for more guidance on the power of meditating on the breath for parents.
Mastering your breath can help you release stress and fill yourself with positive energy. You’ll not only feel more in control of your emotions, but you’ll also model the importance of self-care for your children.
Supportive breathing is just one technique that can guide you toward becoming the parent you aspire to be. If you’re seeking a true parenting transformation, explore the 90 Day Parenting Reset Program for more resources.
Picture this: You’re minding your own business when the phone rings.
On the other end of the line, a teacher or camp counselor informs you that your child has been acting out. Your face flushes with embarrassment, and you assume the story they are telling must be the whole truth.
When our children misbehave in public — whether it’s getting into a fight at soccer practice or throwing a toy at a daycare teacher — our instinct as parents often leads us to apologize and then, shamefully, reprimand or punish them at home.
Anger and Shame Prevent Parents from Listening to Their Kids
I remember a time when I was on my way to my daughter’s Girl Scout camp. There had been a fight with another girl, and I was told that my daughter had allegedly shoved her. As punishment, the camp counselor put her in “detention” in one of the cottages. Upset and concerned, I drove to the campground.
I knew my daughter, and I knew she wouldn’t just push someone without reason. Why is listening to your child important in situations like this? Because I wanted to understand, how can you show you are listening to a child in moments when they’re already feeling so vulnerable.
As soon as I saw her, isolated and upset, my gut told me something was missing from the narrative I had been given. I approached her and gently asked, “Honey, what happened?” Through tears, she simply said, “I just want to go, I just want to go!”
Despite her desire to leave, I recognized that running away wouldn’t help; she’d leave without anyone hearing her side of what happened, and worse, she might already start developing a negative reputation as a “bad kid.” I knew I had to advocate for her, so I used what we call the protective use of force.
I told her, “I won’t let you develop a negative reputation. I understand that your side hasn’t been heard, and I’m not leaving until it is.” That’s when she opened up: “Mom, she was bullying me — calling me names in front of everyone. I asked her over and over to stop, but she wouldn’t, so I swung my arm and told her to stop it. And then I got in trouble!” My daughter’s big sobs spoke volumes about her confusion, her embarrassment, and the hurt she felt at being punished for defending herself.
Should parents listen to their children’s opinions? Especially in conflict situations? Absolutely. As I found out, my daughter’s actions came from a place of frustration and unmet needs. When I spoke to the camp counselor and facilitated a discussion between the girls, it became clear that my daughter hadn’t needed “detention”; she needed understanding.
That day, I learned a valuable lesson: Are you listening to your child’s side of the story? If I had let anger and embarrassment dictate my response, my daughter would have felt even more misunderstood and attacked. She might not have trusted me to tell her side of things ever again.
This doesn’t mean that every time a child misbehaves, it’s due to an honest mistake. But there’s almost always an unmet need driving the behavior. As parents, if we take the time to understand that need, we can address the root cause and work towards a meaningful resolution.
Our job is to put aside our own fears about how others perceive us and make sure we’re genuinely listening to our children. That’s where true connection and understanding begin.
Are parents concerned that their child is too shy? Perhaps their child is the kind of kid who hangs back in class or takes a while to warm up to new places or people. They might prefer to read or draw by themselves rather than play with a group of peers. It’s natural for parents and caregivers to worry about their kids’ self-confidence, as self-confidence is an integral part of growing into a well-adjusted and independent adult. However, just because a child exhibits shyness doesn’t mean they are insecure or lack confidence. They may simply be more introverted than extroverted—and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Eradicating the Stigma of “Shy”
In her book, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” Susan Cain discusses how society largely undervalues introversion, despite the fact that over one-third of the population consists of introverts. Introverts exhibit many positive traits, including empathic listening, thoughtfulness, and self-reliance. In fact, because introverts usually prefer doing things independently, they may be more self-directed and independent than their extroverted peers. So, how can parents provide the necessary support for their introverted child?
4 Ways to Support an Introverted Child
Create an environment where they can thrive. Many children’s activities are geared toward extroverts. It’s essential for parents and caregivers to provide spaces for introverted kids to feel seen and heard. If a child is uncomfortable in group sharing activities, suggesting a one-on-one or smaller group session can be beneficial. Many introverts also excel at writing; parents can encourage their child to start a journal to express themselves or set them up with a long-distance pen pal. Thinking outside the box can help find settings where an introverted child can be most comfortable.
Don’t try to modify their behavior. While it’s perfectly fine to encourage children to make friends, parents should avoid doing this to modify their behavior or push them into extroversion. This approach is unlikely to succeed. Instead, parents should give their child the opportunity to connect with others on their terms. They may not be the most outspoken child in class, but they could become a cherished companion to a neighbor or a family friend. Providing space for children to choose who they let into their lives is crucial.
Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. A child can be assertive without being loud or talkative. Parents should encourage their child to express themselves, especially if they feel bullied or ignored. It’s important to assure them they can always come to a parent to discuss anything on their mind.
Let them know that their introversion is a gift. In a world overly focused on extroverts, parents should emphasize the value of introversion to their child. Sharing stories of successful introverts—such as writers, composers, artists, and politicians—can help reinforce this message. Reminding children that each individual has a unique set of gifts to contribute to society can empower them.
Introversion is NOT a negative trait! The next time someone comments about a child being “shy,” parents can confidently explain that quiet doesn’t necessarily mean insecure. Just like still waters, introversion runs deep—and strong!
As part of the Conscious Parenting Revolution, it is crucial to embrace and support children as they navigate their own paths. Parents can learn how to raise a confident introverted child by fostering an understanding and accepting environment.By Eradicating the Stigma of “Shy”: Why “Introverted” Doesn’t Necessarily Mean “Insecure” parents can raise children who are not only confident but also proud of their introverted traits. Remember, raising an introverted child can be an enriching experience when approached with love and understanding.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re a part of the Conscious Parenting Revolution, eager to raise your children through effective communication and active listening. Perhaps you’ve even participated in the Parenting Reset, applying the principles of the Guidance Approach to Parenting at home.
But what happens when your child steps outside the family bubble? How do you explain the Guidance Approach to Parenting to teachers, caregivers, and even family members? At some point, you may ask yourself, Why should parents attend parent-teacher conferences? These meetings aren’t just about academic progress; they’re a chance to ensure that the values and methods you use at home are respected by those who care for your child outside the home.
The adult caregivers in your child’s life don’t need to fully subscribe to your parenting methods, but they do need to respect your decisions regarding how to raise your child. At some point, you may wonder, Is it time for a parent-teacher conference about your parenting style? Having open discussions can ensure your approach is understood and respected.
Talking to Caregivers and Teachers About Your Parenting Style
These conversation points can help you effectively communicate your parenting style to the adults who regularly interact with your child:
“I treat my kids with the respect every human being, regardless of age, deserves.”
The core of the Guidance Approach to Parenting is the belief that children are humans too, deserving of respect, understanding, and the space to express themselves. Lead every conversation with this value.
“We encourage self-direction instead of reward vs. punishment.” Explain that instead of using punitive methods for behavioral issues, you focus on identifying root causes. If your child has an issue with a classmate, you prefer a self-directed resolution—finding the unmet need and encouraging both sides to work toward a solution that benefits everyone.
“We use acknowledgement rather than praise.”
While praise can teach a child to seek external validation, acknowledgment connects them to their own sense of accomplishment. It’s about helping children see their abilities for themselves rather than relying on what others think of them. For example, instead of saying “you’re so smart,” try “I admire how hard you worked on that,” which reinforces self-discipline and effort.
You can guide grandparents or caregivers in this approach too. Encourage them to praise effort and hard work rather than superficial traits, fostering your child’s self-esteem from within. Statements like, “Did you know you could do that?” and “You seem proud of yourself,” can be far more impactful.
“I refrain from using negative adjectives to describe my kids.”
It’s essential to highlight behavior without making a child feel like their actions define them. Ask the adults in your child’s life to avoid labels like “spoiled” or “bad,” which can damage self-esteem.
“Our children know when we talk down to them.”
Children are perceptive, often understanding the subtleties in adult communication. If they feel marginalized or disrespected, it can harm their confidence. Remind caregivers to be conscious of how they speak to your child, ensuring they always communicate with respect.
Navigating Tough Conversations
Discussing your parenting style with others who may not share your views is rarely easy, and changing minds takes time. But by having these crucial conversations, you’re setting a standard for how your child should be treated. You may even ask yourself, Is it too late to change my parenting style? Remember, it’s never too late to adjust and refine how you engage with your child and those who care for them.
If you need further guidance or a community of like-minded parents, consider joining our private parenting Facebook group, I Love My Kid. There, you can connect with others navigating similar situations and get your questions addressed in real time during our weekly live streams.
A concerned parent recently shared a story about their son, who gets anxious whenever they’re apart. When he’s at school, he wants his parent to work from home, just so he knows they’re nearby. Even when the parent is just around the block, the child stresses out, worried that they won’t come back or won’t be there to pick him up.
This situation is indeed challenging. The child is dealing with some big feelings, and it sounds like a classic case of separation anxiety.
It’s important to first recognize that it’s perfectly okay for the child to have these feelings. Everything experienced in life serves a purpose — even the most negative emotions. It’s crucial to avoid telling children that their feelings are bad, scary, or wrong, as this can be one of the biggest parenting mistakes.
True self-acceptance must come first for any change to happen. When parents or children are judged, it creates an unsafe environment for transformation to take place. In response to the question, “Is separation anxiety more common in boys?” — it can be, but every child is unique, and the way parents respond to their needs is what truly matters.
Here are two key pieces of advice for helping both the parent and child through this challenging period:
1. Be a supportive parent while the child processes their feelings.
The child needs to learn how to be with the parts of themselves that are anxious instead of letting these feelings define them. It’s important to help create space between the child and their anxiety. This can start with conversations that acknowledge the anxiety.
For instance, saying, “Wow, something inside you is feeling really worried,” can provide the child space to talk about their concerns and how those concerns affect them. With practice, the child will be able to turn toward these scary feelings, understand what they’re trying to communicate, and become bigger than what’s causing the anxiety.
It’s crucial for the child to understand these feelings as separate from their identity. If the child believes they are anxious rather than recognizing that something inside them feels anxious, it will be difficult for them to assess and address the associated feelings accurately.
This approach not only helps the child cope with negative feelings now but also equips them with skills to manage anxiety throughout their life.
2. Find ways to stay connected, even when physically apart.
Separation anxiety is a common issue in parent-child relationships. Fortunately, there are ways to help the child feel connected even when they’re apart. This should be a collaborative effort between the parent and child.
Here are a couple of ideas to get started:
Provide the child with a photo of the parent to keep in their pocket. When the child misses the parent, they can take out the photo and remember that the parent isn’t far away.
Send messages throughout the day. If the child has a phone they can use at school, the parent can message them periodically to check in. If not, writing little notes to keep in folders, lunchboxes, or pencil cases can remind the child that the parent is thinking of them.
Separation anxiety can be difficult for both parents and children, but together, they can navigate this challenge.
Anxiety is a common reaction during significant transition, but it’s important not to let these fears hinder progress. As the new school year approaches, consider these tips for addressing back-to-school anxiety to support you and your family in managing the challenges ahead.
5 Tips for Coping with Back-to-School Anxiety:
1. Talk About It.
Worries and fears can seem more overwhelming when kept to oneself. This applies whether your children are teens heading back to college or younger ones returning to school. Encourage open conversations about their concerns. Are they anxious about health issues, new protocols, loneliness, fitting in, academic performance, or disappointing you? Resist the urge to downplay or overly reassure; both can obstruct meaningful communication. Open dialogue is essential for coping with back-to-school anxiety.
2. Review Safety Regulations Together.
Examine the safety measures provided by the school. Ensure that everyone understands these protocols before the school year begins. Additionally, review your own family safety procedures, including emergency exits and identifying trusted adults, to provide an added sense of security. These actions are part of the tips to ease back-to-school anxiety by creating a predictable environment.
3. Get Bigger Than What’s Bugging You.
When addressing negative thoughts, teach your children self-talk skills to help them manage their anxiety. For example, if they’re worried, help them see these feelings as just one part of their experience rather than defining who they are. Encourage them to reflect on their fears and recognize that they are more than their worries. This approach helps maintain a sense of self amidst anxiety. This method aligns with the tips for addressing back-to-school anxiety by focusing on a broader perspective.
Consider asking questions like, “Are you excited to reconnect with your classmates? Are you looking forward to trying out new activities?” Such questions can shift focus from anxiety to anticipation.
4. Build a Routine.
Consistency and predictability can provide comfort, especially during uncertain times. Establishing a daily routine, whether at home or in college, can offer a sense of security. Include regular times for meals, schoolwork, and debriefing about their day to support their adjustment. This practice is one of the most effective tips to ease back-to-school anxiety.
5. Exhibit a Peaceful Energy.
Children often mirror their parents’ emotions. Displaying calmness and confidence when discussing the return to school can help your kids feel more at ease. Maintaining a peaceful demeanor is crucial for coping with back-to-school anxiety and creating a supportive environment.
If you need additional support in navigating your emotions during this transition, please reach out to our team for assistance.
Parents, we’ve navigated through challenging times, so be patient with yourselves and your children. We’re all in this together!
Control. Have you found yourself longing for it lately?
When life feels uncertain, we often grasp for control in any way we can.
You might hyperfocus on cleaning up the house.
You might micromanage a project at work.
You might even criticize your spouse for the way they do…just about anything.
And then, there’s trying to get your child to “behave.”
The belief that children should be controlled and should act according to our wishes usually stems from our own childhood experiences. And when kids don’t behave as we expect, it often feels personal:
They’re driving me crazy.
They’re making me frustrated.
They’re not listening to me.
We’re so focused on how our children make us feel, but what about them?
If they’re not listening to you, who are they listening to? What are they listening to? Why can’t they just do as they’re told?
The truth is, children are often listening to something inside themselves, just like everyone else. Have they been silencing their inner voice all day at school, only to find that they just can’t do it anymore? Or maybe they’ve buried their feelings to follow orders at school, and now they’ve collapsed into a flood of emotion because they can’t dismiss those feelings any longer.
Children might not have learned the skills to “get bigger than what’s bugging them.” They may not know how to connect with their feelings and be present with them in a way that communicates complete self-acceptance. This is why listening to the child’s voice is so important. Understanding why listening to your child is important helps them feel heard and respected, and can significantly influence their emotional development.
Rumi, the Persian poet, expressed this beautifully in his poem The Guest House.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes As an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Even as adults with years of training, it’s important to stay mindful of our feelings, to treat them like visitors passing through. No matter what arises internally, curiosity and interest in our inner experiences are key. The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice. By cultivating a skill of “Being With,” we can listen to our feelings without becoming them.
When we are centered and aware of ourselves, we can hear what each part of us feels and wants without letting any one part take control. This awareness allows us to guide our actions thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Of course, when we’re overwhelmed by a particular feeling, it can lead to behaviors like throwing a temper tantrum, riding a scooter through the house, or sneaking out after curfew.
Supporting your child in developing an awareness of their inner world helps them to “get bigger than what’s bugging them,” allowing them to accept all parts of themselves without letting any one part dictate their behavior. Understanding the benefits of listening to children also allows us to better guide them in managing their inner voices and emotions.
Understanding the benefits of listening to children and their inner voices helps us see how they are navigating both the outer voices in their world and their inner voices. When your child says “no” to you, they might be saying “yes” to something inside themselves. Get curious about what they are saying “yes” to within themselves.
Developing a strong sense of self is crucial for your child. You want to raise a confident adult who can advocate for their own needs. But without the right guidance, there’s a tendency to judge what inconveniences you and to try to control your child’s behavior. Remember, no one makes us feel a certain way — our feelings are our own.
Every parent I’ve worked with has tried to control their child in some way. But with awareness and effort, you can change your behavior and transform your relationship with your child. And, interestingly, when parents focus on understanding rather than control, children often start listening more. The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice, influencing how they perceive themselves and the world around them. How we speak to kids affects their inner voice, shaping their self-esteem and confidence. By fostering a positive and encouraging environment, parents can help their children develop a strong, healthy inner voice that will guide them throughout life.
Are you overextending yourself to meet your family’s needs? Do you feel trapped in an exhausting juggling act with no end in sight? It’s time to take a step back and practice some self-care.
Parents, we live in extremely stressful times. But prioritizing everyone else’s needs at the expense of our own isn’t the answer. When we fall into this trap, our own health and wellness suffers, preventing us from becoming the parents we want to be. What is self-care in parenting? It involves taking the time to address your own needs and well-being, which is crucial for maintaining balance.
I know you’re committed to being 100% present for your children — and that means first allowing yourself the bandwidth to fulfill your own needs. We’re all familiar with the oxygen mask analogy: you have to put your own mask on first. It sounds easy in theory, but in practice, it’s not always easy to prioritize yourself. Know that when you practice self-care, you ARE becoming a better parent for your children. Why is it important to be a better parent? Because self-care enables you to be more present and effective in your parenting role.
And taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be overly lavish or take tons of time. It can be doing something simple:
Going for a quick walk
Calling a friend
Spending quality time with your partner (without the kids!)
If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s that taking care of others starts with taking care of yourself. Is your tank running on empty? Fill your own tank and your whole family will reap the benefits.
Prioritizing self-care is not merely a personal choice but a powerful investment in your family’s future. By taking care of yourself, you set a standard for your children about the importance of well-being and self-respect. This practice creates a more harmonious and supportive family environment, where everyone benefits from a healthier, more balanced approach to life. When parents lead by example and ensure their own needs are met, they lay the groundwork for a nurturing and resilient family dynamic. Your commitment to self-care is a key element in fostering a thriving, connected family.
Stress isn’t something we experience in isolation — it has a way of seeping into every corner of our lives, including our relationships with our children. While you might think your stress is your burden to bear, the reality is that your kids are quietly absorbing more than you realize. The hidden impact of your stress on your kids can manifest in their behavior, emotions, and overall well-being.
Understanding this connection is crucial, not just for your own peace of mind, but for the health and happiness of your children. When we acknowledge the role stress plays in our interactions, we can take steps to manage it, ensuring that our children feel supported rather than strained by our emotions.
Take a moment to imagine yourself in these two scenarios:
Scenario 1: You’re having a wonderful day. The sun is out, the birds are chirping, you’ve had a full night’s sleep, and you’re killing it at work. You notice that the kids left their shoes lying around the house again. No big deal. You hum a song while putting the shoes away.
Scenario 2: It’s 10 a.m., and you’re ready to call it a day. The weather is cold and gloomy, you’ve had zero sleep, and your coworkers are hounding you for a report you haven’t even started yet. You notice that the kids left their shoes lying around the house again. You lose it. You drag the nearest kid to the scene of the crime and yell up a storm.
The big difference between those two scenarios? S-T-R-E-S-S.
These scenarios or similar ones are likely very familiar to you. Your different reactions are not due to your child’s identical behavior but rather to your own stress and limited bandwidth in handling that situation.
Stress is a natural part of life: a reaction to outside triggers that’s difficult to control — let alone eliminate entirely. And these are especially stressful times we’re living in. In a June 2024 article in Forbes Magazine, they reported:
U.S. Stress Statistics at a Glance
According to the American Psychological Association (APA)’s Stress in America 2022 survey results, money is a major source of stress for 66% of adults, with 57% stating current expenses, such as food and rent, as their main source of money-related stress. The remaining 43% of this group state saving for the future as their main source of money-related stress.
Approximately 75% of U.S. adults feel that violence and crime are significant sources of stress in their lives.
Around 34% of adults report feeling that stress is completely overwhelming for them on most days.
The same 2022 survey from the APA found that 21% of U.S. adults report experiencing forgetfulness, 20% report an inability to concentrate, and 17% report difficulty making decisions in the last month as a result of stress.
According to 2022 survey data from Pew Research Center, 29% of U.S. parents reported that being a parent is stressful all or most of the time.
When we’re stressed, our bodies respond with increased reactivity, anxiety, impaired brain function, and decreased ability to manage our tempers — all factors that impact the interactions we have with our children. When we’re stressed, we lose our capacity to manage our kids and navigate the complexities of parenthood. This clearly shows how stress impacts parenting and can lead to challenges in maintaining a peaceful home environment.
Besides potentially damaging our relationships with our children, further problems arise when our children begin to mirror these feelings and behaviors. It’s not hard to see the link between a child acting out on the soccer field and a parent yelling on the sidelines. When we react to stress with negativity like anger, frustration, yelling, and even violence, we risk transferring that stress to our kids. You might wonder, can my child feel my stress?The answer is yes — children are highly attuned to their parents’ emotional states.
Repairing the Effects of Stress on Your Children
The good news is that there are proven strategies for managing the effects of stress so your kids won’t bear the brunt of it:
Forgive yourself. Occasional stress-related outbursts are inevitable. We’re all human. It’s crucial to acknowledge when you have a stressful and challenging day that has limited your capacity and bandwidth to manage the situation the best you could and to forgive yourself. And, of course, it’s also important to put work into learning the skills and tools to reframe your stress into something more manageable. If you need a support system, join the Conscious Parenting Revolution Facebook group.
Apologize for outbursts. A genuine apology goes a long way. If you completely lost your temper, tell your child that you are sorry and acknowledge the overreaction. Admit that you were triggered and overreacted and that you will try to do better next time. It’s important to ask for consideration from your child as well, so they can learn how to also be aware of your needs. For example, “Would you be willing to put your shoes away next time because I’m worried I will trip and fall” or “I could really use your help in cleaning up and making sure the house is tidy. Would you be willing to help me with that?” Kids understand more than we give them credit for and generally do want to be considerate of others.
Acknowledge that it’s not about them. Do your kids know why you’re feeling so upset? Understanding breeds empathy, so share what’s happening in your life. Help your kids grasp that they aren’t solely responsible for your frayed nerves.
Talk to them about stress. Transform an imperfect situation into a teaching moment for your kids. Start a conversation about the effects of stress, encouraging them to identify stressful situations in their own life. Discuss how everyone in the family can effectively handle tense moments.
Ask for help and be a supportive partner. Recognize when you are stressed, will likely overreact, and be triggered, and ask for support and help. On days when you’re feeling good and your co-parent is struggling, step in and take over. Offer to take on the mental load so they have time and space to recover. Supporting each other models healthy relationships for your children.
Strategies for Long-Term Stress Reduction
Repairing the effects of stress is an important first step, but the real work comes in reducing stress before it becomes a problem:
Recognize when you’re at low capacity. Don’t be afraid to call a time out for yourself. Take a deep breath, go for a walk, and acknowledge that you’re having a tough day. Let go of stressful obligations like folding the laundry or battling the kids over screen time. You deserve space to recharge.
Reconnect with your family. Take the time to voice your needs to your children. How will they know what you need if you don’t tell them? Ask for their help brainstorming ways to support each other.
Find resources on parenting during stressful times. Parenting is a constant learning experience. It’s okay to admit that you need help becoming the parent you want to be. Check out our private FB group for access to a ton of parenting resources (and great advice).
We can only be the best for our family when we’re taking care of ourselves — and modeling self-compassion sets a great example for our children. Remember, if you’re wondering do children feel their parents stress? — the answer is yes, and it’s crucial to manage our stress for their well-being as much as our own.
