Anxiety is a common reaction during significant transition, but it’s important not to let these fears hinder progress. As the new school year approaches, consider these tips for addressing back-to-school anxiety to support you and your family in managing the challenges ahead.
5 Tips for Coping with Back-to-School Anxiety:
1. Talk About It.
Worries and fears can seem more overwhelming when kept to oneself. This applies whether your children are teens heading back to college or younger ones returning to school. Encourage open conversations about their concerns. Are they anxious about health issues, new protocols, loneliness, fitting in, academic performance, or disappointing you? Resist the urge to downplay or overly reassure; both can obstruct meaningful communication. Open dialogue is essential for coping with back-to-school anxiety.
2. Review Safety Regulations Together.
Examine the safety measures provided by the school. Ensure that everyone understands these protocols before the school year begins. Additionally, review your own family safety procedures, including emergency exits and identifying trusted adults, to provide an added sense of security. These actions are part of the tips to ease back-to-school anxiety by creating a predictable environment.
3. Get Bigger Than What’s Bugging You.
When addressing negative thoughts, teach your children self-talk skills to help them manage their anxiety. For example, if they’re worried, help them see these feelings as just one part of their experience rather than defining who they are. Encourage them to reflect on their fears and recognize that they are more than their worries. This approach helps maintain a sense of self amidst anxiety. This method aligns with the tips for addressing back-to-school anxiety by focusing on a broader perspective.
Consider asking questions like, “Are you excited to reconnect with your classmates? Are you looking forward to trying out new activities?” Such questions can shift focus from anxiety to anticipation.
4. Build a Routine.
Consistency and predictability can provide comfort, especially during uncertain times. Establishing a daily routine, whether at home or in college, can offer a sense of security. Include regular times for meals, schoolwork, and debriefing about their day to support their adjustment. This practice is one of the most effective tips to ease back-to-school anxiety.
5. Exhibit a Peaceful Energy.
Children often mirror their parents’ emotions. Displaying calmness and confidence when discussing the return to school can help your kids feel more at ease. Maintaining a peaceful demeanor is crucial for coping with back-to-school anxiety and creating a supportive environment.
If you need additional support in navigating your emotions during this transition, please reach out to our team for assistance.
Parents, we’ve navigated through challenging times, so be patient with yourselves and your children. We’re all in this together!
Control. Have you found yourself longing for it lately?
When life feels uncertain, we often grasp for control in any way we can.
You might hyperfocus on cleaning up the house.
You might micromanage a project at work.
You might even criticize your spouse for the way they do…just about anything.
And then, there’s trying to get your child to “behave.”
The belief that children should be controlled and should act according to our wishes usually stems from our own childhood experiences. And when kids don’t behave as we expect, it often feels personal:
They’re driving me crazy.
They’re making me frustrated.
They’re not listening to me.
We’re so focused on how our children make us feel, but what about them?
If they’re not listening to you, who are they listening to? What are they listening to? Why can’t they just do as they’re told?
The truth is, children are often listening to something inside themselves, just like everyone else. Have they been silencing their inner voice all day at school, only to find that they just can’t do it anymore? Or maybe they’ve buried their feelings to follow orders at school, and now they’ve collapsed into a flood of emotion because they can’t dismiss those feelings any longer.
Children might not have learned the skills to “get bigger than what’s bugging them.” They may not know how to connect with their feelings and be present with them in a way that communicates complete self-acceptance. This is why listening to the child’s voice is so important. Understanding why listening to your child is important helps them feel heard and respected, and can significantly influence their emotional development.
Rumi, the Persian poet, expressed this beautifully in his poem The Guest House.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes As an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Even as adults with years of training, it’s important to stay mindful of our feelings, to treat them like visitors passing through. No matter what arises internally, curiosity and interest in our inner experiences are key. The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice. By cultivating a skill of “Being With,” we can listen to our feelings without becoming them.
When we are centered and aware of ourselves, we can hear what each part of us feels and wants without letting any one part take control. This awareness allows us to guide our actions thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Of course, when we’re overwhelmed by a particular feeling, it can lead to behaviors like throwing a temper tantrum, riding a scooter through the house, or sneaking out after curfew.
Supporting your child in developing an awareness of their inner world helps them to “get bigger than what’s bugging them,” allowing them to accept all parts of themselves without letting any one part dictate their behavior. Understanding the benefits of listening to children also allows us to better guide them in managing their inner voices and emotions.
Understanding the benefits of listening to children and their inner voices helps us see how they are navigating both the outer voices in their world and their inner voices. When your child says “no” to you, they might be saying “yes” to something inside themselves. Get curious about what they are saying “yes” to within themselves.
Developing a strong sense of self is crucial for your child. You want to raise a confident adult who can advocate for their own needs. But without the right guidance, there’s a tendency to judge what inconveniences you and to try to control your child’s behavior. Remember, no one makes us feel a certain way — our feelings are our own.
Every parent I’ve worked with has tried to control their child in some way. But with awareness and effort, you can change your behavior and transform your relationship with your child. And, interestingly, when parents focus on understanding rather than control, children often start listening more. The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice, influencing how they perceive themselves and the world around them. How we speak to kids affects their inner voice, shaping their self-esteem and confidence. By fostering a positive and encouraging environment, parents can help their children develop a strong, healthy inner voice that will guide them throughout life.
Are you overextending yourself to meet your family’s needs? Do you feel trapped in an exhausting juggling act with no end in sight? It’s time to take a step back and practice some self-care.
Parents, we live in extremely stressful times. But prioritizing everyone else’s needs at the expense of our own isn’t the answer. When we fall into this trap, our own health and wellness suffers, preventing us from becoming the parents we want to be. What is self-care in parenting? It involves taking the time to address your own needs and well-being, which is crucial for maintaining balance.
I know you’re committed to being 100% present for your children — and that means first allowing yourself the bandwidth to fulfill your own needs. We’re all familiar with the oxygen mask analogy: you have to put your own mask on first. It sounds easy in theory, but in practice, it’s not always easy to prioritize yourself. Know that when you practice self-care, you ARE becoming a better parent for your children. Why is it important to be a better parent? Because self-care enables you to be more present and effective in your parenting role.
And taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be overly lavish or take tons of time. It can be doing something simple:
Going for a quick walk
Calling a friend
Spending quality time with your partner (without the kids!)
If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s that taking care of others starts with taking care of yourself. Is your tank running on empty? Fill your own tank and your whole family will reap the benefits.
Prioritizing self-care is not merely a personal choice but a powerful investment in your family’s future. By taking care of yourself, you set a standard for your children about the importance of well-being and self-respect. This practice creates a more harmonious and supportive family environment, where everyone benefits from a healthier, more balanced approach to life. When parents lead by example and ensure their own needs are met, they lay the groundwork for a nurturing and resilient family dynamic. Your commitment to self-care is a key element in fostering a thriving, connected family.
Stress isn’t something we experience in isolation — it has a way of seeping into every corner of our lives, including our relationships with our children. While you might think your stress is your burden to bear, the reality is that your kids are quietly absorbing more than you realize. The hidden impact of your stress on your kids can manifest in their behavior, emotions, and overall well-being.
Understanding this connection is crucial, not just for your own peace of mind, but for the health and happiness of your children. When we acknowledge the role stress plays in our interactions, we can take steps to manage it, ensuring that our children feel supported rather than strained by our emotions.
Take a moment to imagine yourself in these two scenarios:
Scenario 1: You’re having a wonderful day. The sun is out, the birds are chirping, you’ve had a full night’s sleep, and you’re killing it at work. You notice that the kids left their shoes lying around the house again. No big deal. You hum a song while putting the shoes away.
Scenario 2: It’s 10 a.m., and you’re ready to call it a day. The weather is cold and gloomy, you’ve had zero sleep, and your coworkers are hounding you for a report you haven’t even started yet. You notice that the kids left their shoes lying around the house again. You lose it. You drag the nearest kid to the scene of the crime and yell up a storm.
The big difference between those two scenarios? S-T-R-E-S-S.
These scenarios or similar ones are likely very familiar to you. Your different reactions are not due to your child’s identical behavior but rather to your own stress and limited bandwidth in handling that situation.
Stress is a natural part of life: a reaction to outside triggers that’s difficult to control — let alone eliminate entirely. And these are especially stressful times we’re living in. In a June 2024 article in Forbes Magazine, they reported:
U.S. Stress Statistics at a Glance
According to the American Psychological Association (APA)’s Stress in America 2022 survey results, money is a major source of stress for 66% of adults, with 57% stating current expenses, such as food and rent, as their main source of money-related stress. The remaining 43% of this group state saving for the future as their main source of money-related stress.
Approximately 75% of U.S. adults feel that violence and crime are significant sources of stress in their lives.
Around 34% of adults report feeling that stress is completely overwhelming for them on most days.
The same 2022 survey from the APA found that 21% of U.S. adults report experiencing forgetfulness, 20% report an inability to concentrate, and 17% report difficulty making decisions in the last month as a result of stress.
According to 2022 survey data from Pew Research Center, 29% of U.S. parents reported that being a parent is stressful all or most of the time.
When we’re stressed, our bodies respond with increased reactivity, anxiety, impaired brain function, and decreased ability to manage our tempers — all factors that impact the interactions we have with our children. When we’re stressed, we lose our capacity to manage our kids and navigate the complexities of parenthood. This clearly shows how stress impacts parenting and can lead to challenges in maintaining a peaceful home environment.
Besides potentially damaging our relationships with our children, further problems arise when our children begin to mirror these feelings and behaviors. It’s not hard to see the link between a child acting out on the soccer field and a parent yelling on the sidelines. When we react to stress with negativity like anger, frustration, yelling, and even violence, we risk transferring that stress to our kids. You might wonder, can my child feel my stress?The answer is yes — children are highly attuned to their parents’ emotional states.
Repairing the Effects of Stress on Your Children
The good news is that there are proven strategies for managing the effects of stress so your kids won’t bear the brunt of it:
Forgive yourself. Occasional stress-related outbursts are inevitable. We’re all human. It’s crucial to acknowledge when you have a stressful and challenging day that has limited your capacity and bandwidth to manage the situation the best you could and to forgive yourself. And, of course, it’s also important to put work into learning the skills and tools to reframe your stress into something more manageable. If you need a support system, join the Conscious Parenting Revolution Facebook group.
Apologize for outbursts. A genuine apology goes a long way. If you completely lost your temper, tell your child that you are sorry and acknowledge the overreaction. Admit that you were triggered and overreacted and that you will try to do better next time. It’s important to ask for consideration from your child as well, so they can learn how to also be aware of your needs. For example, “Would you be willing to put your shoes away next time because I’m worried I will trip and fall” or “I could really use your help in cleaning up and making sure the house is tidy. Would you be willing to help me with that?” Kids understand more than we give them credit for and generally do want to be considerate of others.
Acknowledge that it’s not about them. Do your kids know why you’re feeling so upset? Understanding breeds empathy, so share what’s happening in your life. Help your kids grasp that they aren’t solely responsible for your frayed nerves.
Talk to them about stress. Transform an imperfect situation into a teaching moment for your kids. Start a conversation about the effects of stress, encouraging them to identify stressful situations in their own life. Discuss how everyone in the family can effectively handle tense moments.
Ask for help and be a supportive partner. Recognize when you are stressed, will likely overreact, and be triggered, and ask for support and help. On days when you’re feeling good and your co-parent is struggling, step in and take over. Offer to take on the mental load so they have time and space to recover. Supporting each other models healthy relationships for your children.
Strategies for Long-Term Stress Reduction
Repairing the effects of stress is an important first step, but the real work comes in reducing stress before it becomes a problem:
Recognize when you’re at low capacity. Don’t be afraid to call a time out for yourself. Take a deep breath, go for a walk, and acknowledge that you’re having a tough day. Let go of stressful obligations like folding the laundry or battling the kids over screen time. You deserve space to recharge.
Reconnect with your family. Take the time to voice your needs to your children. How will they know what you need if you don’t tell them? Ask for their help brainstorming ways to support each other.
Find resources on parenting during stressful times. Parenting is a constant learning experience. It’s okay to admit that you need help becoming the parent you want to be. Check out our private FB group for access to a ton of parenting resources (and great advice).
We can only be the best for our family when we’re taking care of ourselves — and modeling self-compassion sets a great example for our children. Remember, if you’re wondering do children feel their parents stress? — the answer is yes, and it’s crucial to manage our stress for their well-being as much as our own.
The shift to working from home in recent years has significantly impacted family dynamics. Many parents dream of a failsafe parenting guide on how to eliminate retaliation, rebellion, and resistance. It’s a common wish that discipline could be handled without triggering the dreaded 3R’s. Yet, the reality is that parenting involves navigating countless decisions, and every child responds differently. This often leads parents into a frustrating cycle: the child misbehaves, the parent disciplines or shouts, and the behavior repeats. This cycle can leave even the most patient parents feeling on edge.
So, why does this happen, and how can it be managed in the challenging environment of self-isolation and working from home? There’s a way to break this pattern, one that involves a guidance approach rather than a punitive one. However, this method requires consistent effort and a commitment to understanding your child’s needs.
What are the 3‘R’s’?
Did you know that 75% of family disruptions stem from retaliation, rebellion, and resistance? By addressing these, parents can adopt a compassionate, fair, and effective approach to disciplining children, bypassing the need for rewards or punishment. The key lies in approaching discipline from a place of love — teaching and listening rather than reacting out of frustration. When faced with misbehavior, it’s essential not to discipline when emotions are running high. Though difficult, taking a moment to breathe and approach the situation calmly is crucial, especially when tensions are elevated by the pressures of working from home.
Discipline should never feel like a personal attack. The language used during these moments holds immense power. Avoid labeling your children with terms like “stupid,” “lazy,” or “dumb,” and resist comparing them to siblings. Such labels can have long-term detrimental effects, leaving children feeling discouraged and disengaged. Instead, fostering an environment where children feel understood and supported can help avoid the cycle of retaliation, rebellion, and resistance.
Strategies to Avoid the 3R’s
One effective strategy to defuse tense situations is to remove the child from the environment, not harshly, but to allow both parties space to calm down. After a short break, usually about five minutes, the parent can initiate a conversation about what occurred. Encouraging the child to reflect on their actions and the reasons behind them helps both the parent and child work through the conflict constructively.
Punishing a child for their reaction often breeds anger and resentment, especially when the discipline is rooted in the parent’s emotional response to the incident. Instead, adopting a guidance-based approach to discipline, which focuses on learning from mistakes, proves more beneficial. This approach contrasts with punishment, which shifts the focus from the lesson to the person in control, leading to blame and resentment rather than understanding.
Research supports this perspective, showing that rewards can also be counterproductive. Studies indicate that external rewards can diminish intrinsic motivation and creativity. For instance, children who were rewarded for drawing were less motivated to continue the activity than those who weren’t rewarded. This phenomenon, known as the ‘overjustification effect,’ suggests that external incentives can undermine internal motivation.
Ultimately, the traditional model of using rewards and punishments to shape behavior often leads to resistance, retaliation, and rebellion. A positive, unconditional regard for children is crucial, helping them feel valued and understood.
What Parents Can Do
Parents must move beyond the ingrained negative perceptions of children that can drive their decisions. Viewing tantrums and outbursts as manifestations of unmet needs rather than defiance can shift the approach to discipline. In homes where obedience and compliance are emphasized, children may eventually resort to rebellion and resistance, potentially leading to long-term emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, and even self-harm.
Understanding that a child’s refusal or pushback is a signal for teaching, not punishment, allows parents to turn these moments into opportunities for connection. By listening to the underlying needs driving the behavior, parents can engage in open, honest conversations, fostering a deeper connection with their child. This approach aligns with the goal of cultivating psychological safety at home, where children feel safe to express themselves and work through their emotions constructively.
In these unprecedented times, creating a psychologically safe home environment is more important than ever. By allowing children to be honest and helping them process their experiences with compassion, parents can guide them toward understanding themselves and the world around them. This approach not only prevents the 3R’s but also nurtures a home where every family member’s needs are respected and addressed.
Many have seen the meme, ‘I opened my mouth …and my mother came out.’ But how often does a teen open their mouth, and their parent comes out? As parents, when these memes become reality, they want it to be for the right reasons.
Recognizing those little phrases and expressions that teenagers use, imitating their parents, is common. Parents are their children’s first teachers — just as their own parents were. What happened in your past affects your ability to parent now is evident in the choices and decisions parents make. They decide what practices to repeat and what not to repeat with their children.
Children are keen observers of people, just as they observe peers and teachers, they observe their parents and learn good and bad habits from them. If parents express gratitude regularly in front of their children, the children are more likely to be grateful. However, if children see their parents being disrespectful, they will learn that discounting others is acceptable. It’s easy to assume everything children do is somehow related to what their parents do.
However, this way of thinking can discount a teen’s individuality, as well as the negative influence of peers and broader culture.
Did you know what influenced a parent’s childhood can profoundly change their parenting style? How does past trauma affect parenting? This question often arises as parents recreate what they experienced when growing up.
For example, a parent might take their toddler out to splash around in puddles because this activity is a special memory from their own childhood. Equally, some parents may try to do the opposite of what their parents did. For instance, a parent may never insist that their child play a sport because their own parent forced them to do so against their will, associating it with negative feelings they don’t want to pass on to their child.
Being conscious of their own childhood experiences can help parents become more aware of the meaning behind their reactions toward their child. How does your childhood affect your parenting? Consider:
What was the message received as a teenager from parents — about intelligence, ability, importance, value?
Do these messages influence parenting today?
Did the parents have a positive impact in ways that are desired to be replicated with their teen?
What was it in the parents’ approach to raising that should not be recreated with the teen?
What — if any — were the significant events or experiences growing up that had an impact? Examples of this would be the loss of a loved one, parental separation or divorce, significant tension between parents, financial insecurity, parental mental health issues, or parental substance abuse. How is it impacting parenting?
Don’t bad-mouth the other parent, and leave children out of arguments.
Realize the world has changed since the parent was a kid.
Don’t compare the child to other kids, especially their siblings. No child likes to hear ‘Why can’t you be more like so and so?’
Be mindful of fears, and try not to instill those fears into children.
Constant nitpicking and disapproval can stay with children. They are programmed to seek approval, and a cycle of not appreciating them creates a negative feedback loop.
Be honest. Don’t lie to save their feelings, but look for an age-appropriate way to explain situations. Honesty with children can help change their behaviors and repair problems that have occurred because of parenting mistakes. There’s no need to put on the facade of being the perfect mom or dad.
Don’t threaten to leave kids behind as a punishment. Even if frustrated or angry, avoid this tactic. The threat of abandonment is profound for a child.
One of the essential things in a child’s development, especially in the early years, is the bond formed with their parents or caregivers. Dr. L. Alan Sroufe, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Minnesota’s Institute of Child Development, agrees with this. She says making the threat of abandonment, even in what could be a lighthearted way, can shake the foundation of security and well-being being provided.
According to Sroufe, when a parent says things like, “I’m just going to leave you here,” the child can think they will not be there to protect and care for them. The thought of being left alone in a strange place is frightening and can erode their attachment to the parent as the secure base from which they can encounter the world.
Don’t go for one-size-fits-all parenting. Dr. David Elkind, Professor Emeritus at Tufts University and a development expert, says: “The same boiling water that hardens the egg softens the carrot … The same parental behavior can have different effects depending on the personality of the child.”
Own bad behavior. Children are like sponges. They absorb everything around them. This means they can mirror both good and bad actions. Modeling the behavior desired from a child is one of the best things a parent can do. What is done has a much more significant impact than what is said to a child.
Did you know the children of smokers are twice as likely to smoke as the kids of non-smoking parents? The best way to get kids to eat their broccoli? Eat it enthusiastically, and make it delicious for the kids. Children detect falseness a mile away, so believing in what is being done is an integral part of leading by example.
Acknowledge what a child is feeling rather than dismiss it. Many parents make the mistake of telling their children they are experiencing a feeling they are not. However, they are more likely to say they aren’t feeling what they are feeling, creating distress and confusion.
For example, before children go to school for the first time, they may feel scared. Rather than brushing it off as being silly, consciously acknowledge the child’s feelings. Say: “I know you’re scared, but I’m going to come with you. We’ll meet your new teachers and classmates together, and I’ll stay with you until you’re not scared anymore. Sometimes excitement feels a lot like being scared. Do you think you are also excited?”
Embrace the truth and help the child work through confusing feelings. It will be much better for their health over the long term.
You wake up and spend 30 minutes coaxing your child to get dressed for school while you rush to get ready for work. They argue with you over what they want to wear, insisting on the same blue shirt they’ve worn every day this week. You finally make it to the kitchen table for breakfast, only to have them refuse to take a single bite of food. You try hard to keep your voice from rising, asking them nicely over and over again to please eat their breakfast.
“Eww, Mom, the yolk’s too runny.”
Snap.
You’re not sure if this anger has been bubbling up inside you for a while now or if you just woke up extra irritable today. But something inside you has broken in two. Your heart pounds and your hands shake as you let out a desperate yell in response:
“FINE, GO AHEAD AND STARVE!”
Alas, Parenting Rage has reared its ugly head.
Parenting Rage is Real
What you’re experiencing is legitimate — and more common than you think. Parenting Rage is the uncontrollable, monstrous sibling of anger. It’s an emotion we’re all prone to feeling — whether or not we like to admit it. Mum Rage is a thing that many parents experience. No one wants to be the scary mom shoving her cart down a grocery store aisle with a crying child behind her. But when rage takes over, our families often bear the brunt of it.
As parents and caregivers, it’s our job to provide a safe and loving environment for our kids — not traumatize them with our uncontrollable meltdowns. And yet, we’re imperfect human beings who get tired, stressed, and lose our tempers once in a while.
So, what now?
Managing the Fury You Feel
The good news is that parents and caregivers can take proactive steps to manage the fury we sometimes feel. Here are a few places to start:
Ask yourself, “What’s my unmet need?”
When experiencing escalated feelings of stress, sadness, or anger, it’s because an unmet need has been continuously ignored or violated. It’s impossible to take care of your family’s needs when you yourself are drawing from an empty tank.
In the case of parental rage, sit with yourself for a moment and ask, “How do I manage anger as a parent?” Are you stressed about work? Sleep deprived? Frustrated with your marriage? Perhaps you need your co-parent to step up and help out more with the kids.
Be aware of your triggers.
What behaviors send you careening over the edge? Keeping a trigger journal can help you observe words or actions that set you into a rage. If you notice that back talk always gets your temper flaring, do some inner work to find out why. Is there something from your own childhood that makes you react so strongly to your kids having a different opinion from you?
Being aware of triggers helps manage negative emotions associated with them — and hopefully react better next time.
Forgive yourself.
Yelling at your child doesn’t make you a bad parent. It just means you’re human. Forgive yourself for the times you’ve lost your temper — and let your child know how sorry you are for your outburst. Move forward and commit to doing better next time.
If you’re wondering, “How do you control parental rage?” remember that it’s a process. Parenting Rage may be real, but so is the love for our children. By working on our own issues, we can learn to respond with gentleness and compassion instead of anger.
A mom friend sent her a picture this week. It showed her perched on the (closed!) pedestal on the toilet, resting her laptop on the toilet paper holder, while her daughter peeked over the side of the bathtub during her evening bathing routine. This is working mom life today—juggling two jobs at once but feeling like neither is done to the best of her ability.
What can be done to help alleviate the guilt of balancing working responsibilities with being a good parent? Is working mom guilt real? It can paralyze mothers with stress and trigger their instincts of fight or flight.
Ways You Can Ease Working Mom Guilt
The first thing to do is simply breathe deeply. When in a moment of heightened guilt, taking a few breaths can help put much-needed space between the situation and the mother.
Longer-term, changing perspective on guilt is essential. Is it so bad for a child to see their mom working and having to prioritize her time? It sets an excellent example, showing children that they can do or be anything they want to be.
Ordinarily, despite a child’s tears at seeing their mom go (and possibly her own), it’s an opportunity for the child to grow, form their thoughts and feelings, and make personal friendships without always looking to their mom for affirmation. This helps to overcome working mom guilt by realizing that allowing children to be in someone else’s care while working is not detrimental.
However, in conversations with a child’s caregivers, a mother might feel guilt and sadness when she isn’t there for a milestone or when someone else spends more waking hours with her child. This can lead to questioning if she is good enough in all her roles because many mothers have thought, felt, and carried all these emotions too.
Letting go of the guilt comes with acceptance—accepting what is and not clinging to what should be.
This holds true for those balancing working from home. How to stop feeling guilty for being a working mom? When switching on the television or handing a tablet to the child to entertain themselves during a Zoom meeting, knowing that it’s okay to be ‘good enough’ but not perfect offers more peace than trying to do everything correctly. A mother is not going to be perfect, and that’s okay. Being good enough is all she has to be.
Establishing boundaries with the workplace is crucial. A boss knows an employee is a mom, and when she clocks out promptly, it’s not due to a lack of ambition or slacking off, but because of other responsibilities. This doesn’t make her a bad employee or a bad mom for working.
Even if a mother dislikes her job but does it to pay the bills, she provides the means for a safe place to sleep and good things to eat. If she loves her job and is passionate about it, she creates a childhood where little girls grow up to achieve their dreams and little boys see women as equals.
Who Do You Surround Yourself With?
The company a mother keeps is important. Does the support system uplift or mom-shame her? Surrounding oneself with supportive individuals rather than those who impose what one “should” be doing can alleviate working mom guilt.
Don’t Follow The Rules
Relieving oneself from working mom guilt involves not adhering to others’ rules. Forget the rules. When feeling working mom guilt, asking “What’s the worst that can happen if I break the rules?” can bring one back to reality.
Limiting screen time is important, not just during moments of guilt. Giving a child undivided attention, despite the challenges of a busy workday, can bring peace of mind and enhance the ability to be a present and conscious parent.
Do It At Your Own Pace
Taking one day at a time is crucial. Focusing on the present, rather than future weekends or vacations, makes each day manageable. A mother should consider how working makes her feel. If she feels more well-rounded and grounded by working, her child will benefit more from a happy, fulfilled mom.
Don’t Judge Yourself
Self-judgment is often harshest. Forgetting something at a child’s school or comparing oneself to others can lead to guilt. It’s important to think about the bigger picture. Will these moments of guilt affect the child’s performance in school? No one is perfect, and mistakes are part of learning.
Getting organized helps. Utilizing phones for reminders and using apps or planners can keep everyone’s schedules on track.
Would a mother be better off with one full-time job instead of two? It’s easy to think stay-at-home moms are happier because they aren’t trying to do it all. Christy Lilley admits she has asked herself this question many times, believing that lives would be less stressful if she wasn’t working. However, she acknowledges that she might not be happier and that the grass may not be greener on the other side.
We can accept working mom guilt isn’t going to go away completely. But you can work towards alleviating that guilt and see the positives of being a working mom.
Happy Independence Day! As the nation celebrated its birthday last Thursday, July 4th, it commemorated the United States becoming independent from England.
This festive holiday is associated with summer, family and friends coming together, barbecues, and fireworks—all to commemorate the day the country was born.
As the country celebrates its independence, it’s important to remember that individuals have the same right to autonomy. Many parents often ask, “How much independence should I give my kids?” As parents, it’s their duty to encourage and develop a sense of autonomy in their children. Understanding how to safely give your child more independence is crucial.
So, in the spirit of the holiday. . . here are a few ways to give children more independence.
. . . let them know their thoughts, feelings, and opinions are valued, and that their ability to self-direct is admired. This answers the question, “How do you increase independence?” by validating their individuality.
. . . reassure them that even though they may drive parents up the wall sometimes, they’re never “bad kids” for speaking and living their authentic truth. Understanding why it is important to let children be independent helps in fostering their growth and confidence.
Whether this holiday is celebrated or not, wishing everyone a Happy Independence Day!
May everyone model the freedom, respect, and equality that every human being—including children—deserves!
As summer approaches, many parents wonder, “How to keep your kids engaged during summer?” It’s a time for relaxation, vacations, and fun, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and learning. Here are a few key points to keep families and their kids stimulated until school begins:
Educational Vacations:
Science museums, historical sites, and nature reserves are all great family-friendly places to go on a summer weekend adventure. Not only do these attractions offer educationally conducive environments that are safe and fun to explore at any age, many offer free admission; allowing families to have fun together while not spending a fortune! For even more excitement, try planning a nature scavenger hunt or historical tour with the kids while visiting the attractions to get the most out of the visits.
Planning Hypothetical (Or Real) Trips:
It may seem strange at first, but actually, allowing kids to plan trips themselves (with parental guidance or feedback!) helps them understand the logistics that go into getting a group of people somewhere and can teach them important lessons about budgeting, travel times, and how to use different resources like the internet. It can even propel them to look inward to figure out what kinds of things they might enjoy instead of looking to parents to provide something interesting for them. In fact, this can even be an important opportunity for parents to practice letting their children figure something out on their own and providing valuable feedback only when necessary: Did you call ahead to see if that will be open then? You’re over budget “x” amount, can you find any cheaper places to stay or eat? Etc. It’s important to keep an open mind and not shut down their excitement, while also being realistic and setting boundaries. This dynamic will only become increasingly more prevalent, vital, and nuanced as they get older!
Creative Learning at Home
Engaging DIY projects can be tailored for any age and interest. For example, the prompt “build an instrument” can have a solution as simple as putting an old shoelace or rubber band over a shoebox with a hole, or as complex as woodworking or digital software synthesis. It can take an hour, a day, or the whole summer! Finding the right prompt can give kids a boost of imagination and creativity, and finding the thing that sparks their interest is key. Maybe a child wants to try cooking or baking something, or maybe they want to write a song or make a painting. How can I make learning fun and engaging? Regardless of the tasks, exploring topics through creation is engaging and can teach countless new skills.
Flexible Downtime:
Finding enjoyable and acceptable entertainment to balance outdoor time and family activities is key. Got a bookworm in the family? Whether there is one or not, establishing reading habits over the summer can be an exceptionally rewarding way for children to stay mentally engaged during their off-season. Instead of forcing a child to start reading, try setting up a cozy reading nook, or hosting a family book club where everyone can share their thoughts and ideas about a certain book. If a child is more oriented towards online games or digital media, parents should keep an open mind! There are online resources and educational games that make learning fun, interactive, and interesting. Even games parents may not think of as conventionally educational can teach history, math, politics, strategy, and more through immersion. Talking to the child, asking questions, and watching them play are all good ways of engaging with what they enjoy and making sure parents feel comfortable with what they are playing. How do I keep my child busy on school break? This can be a great way to explore various interests together.
There are many ways to incorporate a mix of adventure, creativity, and learning to keep children engaged and excited all season long without adding stress and exhaustion to the parents’ plate. With these tips for keeping kids engaged during the summer months, families will be well-equipped to make this summer both enjoyable and educational for their kids. Remember, summer is a wonderful time to foster new skills, create lasting memories, and strengthen family bonds, so don’t forget to enjoy yourselves too!
Wishing everyone a summer full of joy, growth, and unforgettable moments!
