You Are Already a Negotiator Part II

You Are Already a Negotiator Part II

Many people don’t believe they’re effective negotiators. In fact, they don’t see themselves as negotiators at all. This is a problem. If you don’t believe in your own ability to negotiate best outcomes, you won’t be as effective as you could be.

Last week, we kickstarted the conversation to flip that disempowering story by busting myths that have held you back from stepping into the full force of your power.

This week, we continue the discussion, to convince you of your negotiation prowess and the ways in which you’re already more effective than you’ve given yourself credit for.

You don’t have to be mean to avoid ‘getting walked over’.

It’s not true that ‘nice guys finish last’. Nice has gotten a bad rap in recent years and is under-valued. Showing up with compassion, empathy, and a desire to collaborate will actually get you further than seeking to put one over on the other side.

Nice people may actually be better equipped as negotiators because bringing true trustworthiness and rapport-building to the table will elevate outcomes.

Ultimately, we all want to be seen, heard and to know that we matter. Being nasty in a negotiation does not achieve these outcomes. People may not remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel. Making someone feel valued and respected opens the door to better outcomes. If you’ve bought into the myth that you’re not a great negotiator because you don’t bring the eye of the tiger, then I invite you to rethink your self-assessment.

You don’t have to be a poker player.

Most people mistakenly believe they need to hold their cards close to their chest to be effective, that if they’re open they’ll be taken advantage of. This myth is counterproductive. It’s tough to get meaningful resolutions that represent the highest good for all if everyone is in protective mode, refusing to share actual desired outcomes.

It is only through sharing real needs that opportunities pop up to find creative solutions to meet those needs – often in unexpected ways. A guarded, defensive posture in negotiations triggers a similar response in kind. This is rarely, if ever, a strong place from which to bargain for best outcomes.

If you’ve criticized yourself for your vulnerability and openness, you may want to rethink your inner self-talk and recognize it may be one of your greatest assets.

You don’t have to be cold or insensitive to be effective.

We’re taught that emotion has no place in negotiations. In fact, one of the unfounded criticisms levied against women is that they are too emotional to be good negotiators. There is a difference though between being emotional and bringing emotion to a negotiation. Bringing the emotional resonance of your ‘why’ can be a powerful motivator in a negotiation.

Also, when you’re faced with an emotional response from the other party, we’re conditioned to back away and not engage. I say lean into the messiness. That’s where the gold is in finding best outcomes. Get curious. Be empathetic. Find out what triggered the response – what’s the underlying need and how might you be able to meet it without sacrificing your needs.

Humans are emotional creatures. Understanding emotion and how it manifests for both parties is a significant advantage in any negotiation. Ignore emotions at your peril.

You don’t have to be a natural born negotiator.

Do you believe negotiation prowess and skills are innate and fixed traits – that one either has them or does not? If so, you’re not alone. But this belief is based on a myth and inhibits you from trying out your negotiation chops.

Negotiation is a learned skill. It takes practice. Learning more about the art of negotiation and applying those skills with intention leads to better abilities as a negotiator and results in better solutions. Every new building block sets a stronger foundation upon which to grow.

And you’ve had a lifetime of negotiation practice already. Every difficult conversation you’ve ever had is a form of negotiation that you learn from. Every interaction to purchase services – from cell phone coverage, to insurance, to financing – has improved your negotiation skills. Every interaction to purchase or sell goods – from vehicles (new or used), to flea markets and beyond – has moved you forward on your negotiation growth journey.

I hope this mini-series has opened your awareness about the ways in which you’re already a negotiator. I invite you to own the fact that you’re already a negotiator. Now, all you need to do is get more intentional about honing the innate skills you already have.

If you want to up-level your negotiation skills so you can get even more of what you want and deserve while still getting best outcomes for all, I offer a full range of programs (from online, to group, to VIP one-on-one coaching and Mastermind programs. I’ve developed simple, easy-to-apply negotiation models that will set you apart from the pack.

My mission is to help you leverage your innate power so you can negotiate your best life. Because, after all, all of life is a negotiation.