When we think about negotiation, we often picture boardrooms, contracts, and high-stakes deals. But what if I told you that some of the most powerful negotiation lessons come not from the corporate world, but from the realm of parenting? After all, the daily dance of guiding, influencing, and sometimes persuading our children is, at its core, a series of negotiations. There are valuable lessons to learn here.
I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Nathaniel Turner on my Art of Feminine Negotiation podcast, a TEDx speaker, author, and financial advisor who’s taken his share of lessons from both life’s hardships and the art of raising a child. His story serves as a powerful reminder that negotiation is an everyday practice, not confined to the professional sphere.
Let’s explore how you can elevate your negotiation game through parenting lessons.
The Power of Intention
Nathaniel’s journey began with a simple, yet profound intention: to be a better father than his own father. “I didn’t know exactly what that meant,” he confessed, “but I just knew I wanted to be better.” It’s critical to approach negotiations with clear intent? Whether we’re navigating a salary discussion, a business deal, or a conversation with a partner, starting with a clear intention can set the tone for the entire interaction.
In negotiation, as in parenting, your intention shapes your approach. Nathaniel didn’t just want to ‘win’ in his relationship with his child; he wanted to foster a better, more meaningful connection. In the same vein, entering a negotiation with the intention to build a lasting relationship or achieve a mutually beneficial outcome often leads to more positive results.
Know the End Before You Begin
Nathaniel advocates a ‘backward design template’ when negotiating parenting. He asks parents, ‘what are your most audacious hopes and dreams for your children?’ Once you determine that, ‘you can map a process to get you to that destination’. The same principle holds true in all negotiations.
Ideally, you want to consider what the desired outcome looks like before you start any negotiation. Then, as part of your preparation process, you consider the strategies and approaches that are most likely to get you where you want to go successfully. Create the ‘map’ to success. After all, you wouldn’t jump in the car to drive across the country for an important engagement without a map to get you there.
Rising Above Adversity
Nathaniel’s story is one of triumph over adversity. Having survived eight adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), he could have let those hardships define him. Instead, he used them as fuel to drive his mission of helping parents and children rise above their own challenges.
In negotiation, we all face our own versions of ACEs—setbacks, disappointments, and difficult counterparts. But just like Nathaniel, we have a choice: let these experiences hold us back or use them to propel us forward. Every challenge we face in negotiation can be an opportunity to learn, grow, and ultimately, achieve better outcomes.
Parenting as the Ultimate Negotiation
At its core, parenting is a continuous series of negotiations. Every day, parents negotiate with their children, balancing boundaries with freedom, guidance with independence. Nathaniel’s approach to parenting is rooted in the desire to help his child become the best version of themselves. This mirrors the mindset we should bring to the negotiation table: how can we help our counterparts reach their best outcomes while also achieving our own goals?
Nathaniel’s story is a reminder that effective negotiation isn’t about outmaneuvering the other party; it’s about collaboration, empathy, and the willingness to see the bigger picture. It’s about knowing when to stand firm and when to yield, all in the service of creating a better outcome for everyone involved.
Conclusion: Bringing it Home
Whether you’re a parent or not, the lessons Nathaniel shared offer a valuable perspective on negotiation. Start with intention, rise above adversity, and remember that the best negotiations are those where both parties walk away feeling like they’ve won. In the end, it’s not just about the deal on the table, but the relationships we build and the positive impact we can have on others’ lives.
So the next time you step into a negotiation—be it in the boardroom or the living room—think about how you can apply these parenting principles. You might just find that the skills you’ve honed in one area of your life can elevate your negotiation game across the board.
