Why It’s Okay to Raise Kids Who Are Self-Centered

Every shiny surface became an irresistible pitstop where her child would eagerly ask, “Can I look at myself?”

While she chuckled at this toddlerhood quirk, she couldn’t shake her unease. Is it normal for kids to be self-centered?

As parents and caregivers, we’ve all faced this question at some point. Whether it’s the constant demand of “Look at me!” or behavior like:

• Refusing to share their toys or snacks with siblings.
• Poking and pestering their older brother or sister with no regard for their feelings.
• Being entirely absorbed in their own little world.

…it’s easy to wonder if your child’s self-focused behavior is something to worry about.

The Truth About Self-Centered Kids

Renowned psychologist Alice Miller, in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child, highlights an important truth: children who are allowed to fully experience themselves are the ones who grow up showing greater compassion and empathy for others.

Here’s the bottom line: kids need to develop their own sense of self before they can genuinely consider others. In other words, fostering healthy self-centeredness is an essential part of their emotional and social growth.

So, when is it “okay” for children to exhibit self-centered behavior?

1. When They’re Discovering Themselves

Young children start with an undifferentiated sense of self. As babies, they don’t yet grasp the concept of “others” or individual needs—they see the world entirely through their own perspective.

Parents can help by encouraging this natural development of self-awareness. Building a strong sense of “me” allows children to cultivate the autonomy and self-direction they’ll need throughout life.

2. When They Aren’t Ready to Share

Sharing doesn’t come naturally—it’s a skill children grow into. As the old saying goes, “An apple falls to the ground when it’s ripe.”

Similarly, kids will naturally begin sharing when they are developmentally ready. Forcing this behavior prematurely can backfire, leaving children feeling resentful or misunderstood.

Instead, trust the process. Authentic empathy and the willingness to share arise organically when a child’s emotional milestones are reached.

3. When They’re Asking for Attention

We all want to feel seen and heard, and for kids, this need is especially pronounced. Craving attention is a normal part of their emotional development, and meeting this need isn’t “spoiling” them—it’s supporting their growth.

Denying children the attention they seek can lead to long-term issues, including unmet emotional needs that linger into adulthood. Encouraging them to voice their needs helps nurture their emotional resilience and confidence.

Remember, your child depends on you. Responding to their needs—whether it’s emotional reassurance, help with homework, or simply being there—is an integral part of conscious parenting.

Conscious Parenting Revolution: Supporting Healthy Growth

If your child seems self-centered at times, know that this behavior is entirely normal. It’s a vital stage in their development, laying the foundation for empathy and consideration later on.

For parents wondering how to deal with self-centered parents who might pressure them to raise children differently, consider the Conscious Parenting Revolution approach. It’s about balancing empathy for your child’s needs with fostering long-term emotional health and independence. Curious about how to nurture healthy self-centeredness in your child? Let’s connect—I’d love to guide you through this transformative parenting journey.

Love and Blessings,
Katherine